


Story Of My Life

by Angelsgrace



Category: Best Song Ever - One Direction (Music Video), Larry Stylinson - Fandom, One Direction (Band)
Genre: Anxiety, Bottom Harry, Bottom Louis, Deception, Depression, Famous Harry, Hallucinations, Heartache, Insecure Louis, Lies, Loneliness, Mild Incest, Multi, Ordinary Louis, Past Relationship(s), Sad Louis, Secrets, Suicidal Thoughts, Top Harry, Top Louis, World of Warcraft - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-11-27
Updated: 2017-05-02
Packaged: 2018-02-23 01:38:15
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 48
Words: 195,641
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2529242
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Angelsgrace/pseuds/Angelsgrace
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Louis has a past that scares him.  Harry wants to help, but does he really know what he's getting himself in for?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. This Is All I Can Take - This Is How a Heart Breaks

_ _

**Louis**

** **

**Harry**

** **

**Amy**

** **

**Michael**

 

 

 

 

 

_Forty four, forty five, forty six...._

Louis counted the diazepam tablets, dropping them one by one onto a tray, until he reached fifty six.  Mind fuzzy, eyes glazed, he swept them off the tray into his outstretched hand that was visibly trembling.  He felt hot all over, his white shirt sticking uncomfortably to the clammy skin on his back, and he wished his collar was just that fraction looser - he felt as though he could barely breathe.

Holding the small white tablets in his hand, he idly wondered how much medication his skin had absorbed over the years.  The thought was fleeting as he transferred them all into a tiny brown glass bottle, leaning over the bench, examining the prescription in front of him and making sure all the details were correct on the label he was attaching to it.  All present and correct, he scooped up the tray full of various packets and bottles of medication and presented it to the pharmacist for checking, peeping around the corner to check out the queue and hoping he wouldn't be needed to serve.  Louis really didn't feel like putting on his happy face today.

"You alright kiddo?"

Louis mustered a small smile and leant back against the checking bench, running his fingers through his caramel coloured hair with one hand, pushing his black framed glasses up his nose with the other.  Michael their pharmacist was only two years older than him, and yet it still insisted on calling Louis _kiddo_.  Louis didn't mind though.  He adored Michael.

"Can't complain sir!" he chirped in a bright tone, flashing Michael a rare smile before animatedly rolling his eyes.  Michael paused from checking to shoot a smirk in his direction.  They both knew that Louis was only calling him ironically.  It was stupid, but it always made them smile.

"Go to lunch"

Michael prodded him in the side with his expensive silver pen, making the sound of a buzzing bee in the process.  Louis mocked the reaction of an electric shock, laughed, then scooted out of the pharmacy before Michael could change his mind.

Making his way across the shop floor of the high profile pharmacy and beauty chain he worked in, Louis waved and grinned at his favourite colleagues - Amy and Martin who looked after the Healthcare Counter, Viv who was in change of Operations, Charlotte on the Make up counter.  He had just given Stan behind Cash and Wrap a low five and was disappearing upstairs to grab his bag, when he was accosted on the stairs by Debs who ran the Fragrance counter.

"Lou!  I've got something for you!" she sang out, a huge smile on her face as she handed him a tightly rolled up piece of paper.  Louis immediately knew what it was, his grin speaking volumes as he took it from her, and gave the surprised lady a big hug.

"You are amazing!" he stated, handling the role of paper carefully "Thanks so much for this!"

"Anything to stop you sniffing around that stand every week!" Debs told him playfully "I was surprised you didn't write your name on the back of it!"

Louis decided not to mention that he had at one point considered writing  _When promotion ends, please return to Louis Tomlinson_ on the back of it.  Instead, carefully holding onto his precious poster, he danced upstairs, suddenly feeling somewhat elated.  Deb's had actually remembered him.  It may have been just a free promotional poster, but the fact that she'd saved it for him, meant the world to Louis.

 

Louis had lunch time down to a fine art.  His first stop was at Costa Coffee - the girls behind the counter knew him by sight and always made his drink up quickly to save him from waiting too long.  He'd exchange the usual cheerful small talk with Lily (younger sister of his colleague Beth), then pop next door to Marks & Spencer to grab a wrap and two bottles of water before walking to the end of the prescinct to the benches by the towns clock tower.  It was quieter here.  Away from the main shopping centre where he worked, but close enough that he could be back at work in under five minutes.

Claiming his favourite bench, he sat cross legged, rifling through his pockets for a lighter for the cigarette he was now holding between his lips.  He breathed in his first inhale deeply.  The first he'd had for just over twelve hours, and with a slightly shaky hand, scrolled through his twitter app - the chemicals making his head swim momentarily.

He smiled when he saw the tweets from his favourite person.  Admittedly they didn't tweet that much, but they always made him smile when he saw them.  He searched for that persons name, looking at the recent pictures people had uploaded, smiling at the cute ones, feeling jealous of the girls in others, all the while thinking highly inappropriate thoughts.

Cigarette half gone, he started to write a new tweet of his own.  He doubted it would be seen.  He only had about eight followers- and he had no clue how he got them.  He reckoned they must be people who added others just to get a follow in return - which he did out of politeness - but muted them straight away.  He'd get their follow, but that didn't mean he wanted to read what they wrote.

_@Harry_Styles got a new poster of you today!  Going to have to do some major rearranging when I get home #StoryOfMyLife_

 

He knew Harry Styles wouldn't see it.  He had 23 million followers!  Within 1 minute of the outrageously handsome man tweeting anything, it was already retweeted and favourited about 100k times a piece, and the amount of mentions he got were probably numbers couldn't even bare to imagine.  He liked doing it though.  He liked to think he was talking to Harry.  Even though they had never met, were never likely to meet, get a follow or a mention himself.  It was something he did every day.  

For a stupid reason, it made him feel less lonely.  Which Louis was.  Painfully lonely.

 

Three more cigarettes and a coffee buzz later, Louis was back at work.  

Their pharmacy was popular and too busy for two dispensers, two healthcare assistants and one pharmacist to handle.  They were constantly a week behind in their workload, had unrealistic targets to reach and an unforgiving manager who had no idea how to run a successful health facility.  Needless to say, it left the team downtrodden and demotivated.  Luckily, it was just another aspect of his life that Louis wasn't surprised to be disappointed by.  In fact.  It was now what he expected.  

 

Louis was twenty three years old.  He lived at home with his single mum and although he had an identical twin brother called William.  He had gone galavanting off to University in Cardiff.  Louis could have gone to university too, but he just didn't have the confidence.  He'd had a hard enough time making friends in school, without the pressure of having to move to a new city and start from scratch, only to end up with the same result.  No friends.

Instead, he got a job training to be a Pharmacy Dispenser which involved making up prescriptions for their customers, giving advice on medical issues and completing coursework (in his own time), to give him a greater depth of knowledge into the field and hopefully giving him a higher wage in the process.  There was a lot of hard graft involved, he always ended up working extra time just to get his tasks done, and he had posted more online surveys to compliment his hard work than he gave out - but it kept him busy and his mind occupied.  Which is what Louis needed the most.  His darkest moments always started with him being idle.

"Alright trouble?" 

Wendy nudged him with her hip, a mischievous little grin sparkling from her mouth all the way up to her eyes.  Much shorter than him and quite over weight for her size, she had constant red cheeks and a laugh that you could hear from all over the shop.  She was wonderful.  He always referred to her as "his mummy when his mummy wasn't there!"

"Debs gave me a present today!" He chirped happily, laughing at how much space Wendy was purposely taking up on his work bench "She gave me that poster!"

Wendy laughed "Not another One Direction poster!" She groaned in mock despair, giving him a cheeky wink to show him that she was only teasing "What are we going to do with you Lou!  It only encourages you!"

Louis ignored her words, thinking happily back to his birthday a few months ago when Wendy and Michael had surprised him with a present of a brand new One Direction duvet, poster book, activity book and sticker book.  Michael had been skeptical about how well it would be received, but Wendy had insisted and she had been right.  Louis had loved it! He'd loved it so much that it had only left his bed to be washed, before he put it back.

"Now you can say you've slept with all of One Direction!" Wendy had told him, smiling at how giddy with happiness their present had left the boy and giving a smirking Michael a look that clearly said "Told you so"

 

If only that statement could be true though.  Not all of them...just Harry.  Harry wouldn't treat him badly.  He was too kind, too sweet.  He would make Louis look like a bad boy in comparison - something that Louis was clearly not.

 

Work ended at 5pm.  And just like lunchtimes, Louis had a very tight schedule.  He had to be by the bench near the bus stop for 5:01 so he could quickly inhale another cigarette before running to get the bus that left at 5:10.  Then it would be a 15 minute ride where he would get off two stops before his so he could smoke another one before he got home.  His mum knew and disapproved of his habit, but he liked to pretend that she didnt and tried to hide it wherever possible.

Jay Tomlinson was already at home, cooking them both dinner, which they would both eat sitting closely on Louis' double bed whilst watching a DVD.  They chatted as they ate - complaining about work, Louis showing her new pictures of Harry he found on his news feed and debating where he could put his new poster.  It was their special  time together and was mostly the highlight of Louis' day.

 

7:30 came and Jay kissed her son goodbye to go and spend time with  her mum and dad (Louis' nana and grandpa), leaving Louis behind as he preferred.  He loved them dearly and should go to see them more as they only lived a few houses up the road, but he was paranoid they would smell smoke on him.  So he didnt go.  He also didnt stop smoking.  He really should.  He knew he did it too much.

Ignoring the washing up that was piled up around his room, he set his Tassimo to make a Caramel Latte whilst he smoked another cigarette outside and then, clutching the warm mug in his cold hands, started up his computer.  

His PC was his pride and joy.  A special one for gaming, it was Alienware (highly publicised his one of his favourite shows "The Big Bang Theory") and had two 26" flat screen HD monitors.

Logging in to both YouTube to pull up an old episode of 'The Apprentice' and World of Warcraft, Louis got comfortable to waste a few hours questing as his Blood Elf female Hunter 'Stylinson' (Styles plus Tomlinson made 'Stylinson').

 

He wasn't surprised when Reece sent him an in game instant message.  He always did whenever he logged in.

LMND: Hi

Tommo: Hey

LMND: Thought you were busy revising tonight.....

 

And there it was, the loaded comment Louis had been waiting for.  Damn it, he should have waited longer Before he logged on!

Tommo: just having tea before I start

LMND: mm k

 

Louis sighed feeling frustrated.  Great, there went his enjoyable evening.  If he didnt log off in under half an hour Reece would be bugging him senseless about lying to him to avoid seeing him.

Of course that was exactly what he had done.  He just didnt think he would be caught out quite so quickly.

There had been a time, not so long ago that Louis had been infatuated by Reece.  They had met in game, got chatting and had both been surprised that they lived near each other.  After checking out each others Facebook pages and texting each other for weeks, they had decided to meet.

The first meeting was only slightly awkward.  

Louis was nervous because he had just found out that this new boy lived only a couple of doors away from his first serious boyfriend (which led to his first serious and painful break up), and knew him well.  It unsteadied him at the time.  They walked around the local park, making small talk about the game they played.  

Reece wasn't really his type in person it turned out.  He was really arrogant and his eyes would dart around , never fully looking at Louis.

He had sandy brown hair, cropped short, with a fringe that fell in his eyes unless he smoothed it to the side - every ten seconds!  His eyes were brown and the most intreuging bits about him, was that he had snake bite piercings in his bottom lip (as well as a smiley face tattoo inside his bottom lip) and two thin bar piercings between his collarbone.

They'd kissed.  Louis felt nothing.  He was just doing it to be kind at first.  No one liked rejection and he wasn't the type to reject.  Things continued rapidly and before he knew it, he was pressed against a tree in the woods, with his hand down Reece's trousers, eyes popping as he felt exactly how large and thick his dick was.  

After he'd swallowed (Reece protested that there was "no way he could come over a tree!"), Reece walked him home and after a quick hug at the door, ran off to catch the bus home.

Louis decided that there was no way he was ever going to see him again.  He wasn't his type.  He wasn't even sure if he liked him.

But that was how his infatuation started.  Complete denial.

 

It would be a lie to say that they dated.  They never went on a date.  They fucked.  Reece would come over, small talk would be exchanged and then Louis would be fucked - usually painfully hard with a good deal of hair pulling and head banging against the wall.  Not always enjoyable, and Louis didnt often come, but he kept doing it because he wanted more.  He wanted Reece to be his boyfriend.  They text all the time - Reece sending him dirty, sordid texts about what he wanted to do to Louis as well as picture after picture of his huge cock.  Louis played along to the texts, but never sent pictures.

It all ended when Reece text him on Tuesday.  He was back at uni - in Cardiff of all places, and was feeling upset and lonely.  

Desperate to make him happy and prove that he should be his boyfriend, Louis booked a ticket to go there by train after work on Wednesday where he would stay with Reece for his day off on Thursday and then get the train home to be back at work Friday.

It started off well.  They went back to his student accommodation, ate pizza and watched a film.  Louis was hurt that Reece didnt cuddle him - but he never had done, so why was he surprised.

They fucked.  Louis bent over the single bed equipped with transformers sheets whilst Reece painfully spanked him, before forcing him to turn over so he could come all over his face.

Louis didnt come.  Reece didnt notice or care.

When it came to sleeping, Reece slept on the floor, claiming he couldn't sleep in the same bed as someone else.  It hurt.  Louis fell into a fitful sleep, feeling used and disappointed.

The next day they got into a big fight.  Reece claimed that Louis didnt care about him and lied constantly to him about what he was doing and who he was with when his back was turned.  Louis was beside himself - desperately trying not to cry whilst he pleaded his case.  They fucked again.  Angry, painful sex with no happy ending for Louis- but he didnt complain because he wanted to make Reece happy.

But it wasn't enough and soon Louis had to leave, made to find himself a way back to Cardiff station, tears streaming down his face - all his dreams about them being a proper couple shattering.

Reece didnt text him to say sorry or ask if he got home ok.  Whatever it was - it was over.  And it tore Louis' insides apart.

For weeks he heard nothing.  He missed the text conversations they'd shared, chats in game.  Every time Reece logged onto World of Warcraft and didnt message him, Louis felt a stab to his gut.  But he constantly checked his Facebook page - looking for signs of him dating or being in a relationship.  There was never any evidence.  But in this circumstance, not even no news was good news.

He tried dating again.  He met a few more people he talked to in game and went to visit some of them.  There was Luke in Reading - they met for the first time at a Muse concert in Teignmouth they were both going to and shared their first kiss during Knights of Cirdonia - the final encore.  He went to visit him in Reading.  It was the first time Louis had got high off weed, but after they had ducked (Leaving Louis incredibly painful due to lack of prep, lube and enormous girth) Luke left him alone in his flat with his (more attractive flat mate Adam who pretty much babysat Louis for the entirety of his stay).  Louis didnt know at the time, but found out later that Luke had gone straight around to his ex girlfriends house to get back together with her.  Didnt stop him from fucking Louis for the final three nights of his stay!

Louis didnt hear from him for almost a year when he messaged him out of the blue to say sorry for treating him so badly and cutting him out of his life after he had gone home.

Louis accepted it.  The thought of having a friend meant more to him than his pride - even if he didnt entirely forgive him.

He met Ian.  Who at first, seemed like the perfect man to settle down with.  He moved into Louis' flat after one month of being together, Ian proposing to him after two.  But then the mask he had been wearing fell off.  He began picking on his younger, love starved boyfriend.  He didnt like the clothes Louis wore - they were too bright and showed off his arse too much. He sulked if Louis wanted to go out drinking with his friends - even when he himself was on a drinking holiday with his own in Germany.  He got angry because Louis wanted to spend Christmas Day with his family, got stroppy when Louis tried to watch his weight leading to Louis eating just to please him and gaining almost two stone in four months - leaving him feeling fat and disgusting.  Just like the others, Ian was a fan of rough sex, liking to tie Louis' wrists with duct tape, have his way with him until he was bleeding, then rip it off.  This wasn't the fairytale Louis had envisioned when he accepted Ian's (lame unromantic proposal), but he was on the rebound and just wanted someone to love him.

Around the same time as Louis met Ian, he also became friends with a girl called Hollie.  She was a lovely girl and the three of them would hang out quite a lot together.  Louis always had the suspicion that Hollie was attracted to Ian.  She would always call him a "beautiful man" and would call him at all times of night just for a chat.  Louis comforted himself with the fact that Ian was gay and obviously with him, but his suspicions grew when he and Hollie fell out in a big way and Louis asked Ian to go and get his favourite playstation games back for him on his way home from work.  What should have taken him an extra 30 minutes took 7 hours, and even then he returned empty handed.

Then there was the time that Loios came home and couldn't get in his front door because Ian had left his keys in the lock on the inside.  

When Ian finally opened the door, Hollie was sat on the settee looking ruffled and smug.

The fighting got worse.  They would shout, Louis would cry - Ian would storm out and come back drunk.  Louis told him to move out.  Ian wouldn't leave.

Then one day when Louis was visiting his mother, Ian text Louis to say he had left because he couldn't take anymore.  

The relief was immense.  The feeling of being discarded was unbearable.

Ian left two days before new year. On New Year's Eve he was begging Louis for forgiveness.  Louis agreed to a drink - maybe they could work things out.  But when Ian heard that Louis would be meeting up with his friends that night and celebrating the new year in a local club he hit the roof.  For once Louis didn't back down.  It was over.  He didnt want a reconciliation.  He just wanted it to end.  

In just a week he sold every gift Ian had ever given him on eBay and exchanged both of their engagement rings for an expensive new watch.  He had moved on.  

Infact, he had moved on three hours after saying goodbye to Ian on New Year's Eve.  Because in the club he met Mitchell.

 

Louis thought Mitchell was everything he had ever wanted.  Good looking, funny, slightly aloof and kind.  They shared their first kiss at midnight, the most passionate kiss Louis had experienced since his first boyfriend, not only relighting the fire in his heart, but clearing his mind of all the horrible clutter that was Ian and the previous boyfriend who he had been pining after.  It signalled a fresh start.  A new year.  A new man.  A new Louis.

Louis and Mitchell's relationship was a slow burner.  It was a couple of weeks before they started dating.  A couple more before they called themselves boyfriends.  But it was what Louis wanted.  He wanted them to take their time.  He wanted everything to be perfect.  

And it was, or so it seemed.

As usual the object of his affection wanted something from Louis.  

This time it was money.  

Louis was kind hearted, and so taken with the thought of being in a proper relationship, that he couldn't bare to see his unemployed boyfriend struggle.  He paid his rent when his dole money couldn't cover it, he brought him food and clothes so he wouldn't go hungry and felt good about his appearance.  He prided himself in being able to care and look after his boyfriend in any possible way, just so he could have someone he loved to come home to.

They lasted just under a year.  

Louis woke up one morning to find his bank account had been cleared of the few thousand pounds that he had painfully saved up.  Mitchell had disappeared over night, leaving no trace that he had ever been there.  No trace except for the harsh, jagged edged crack across Louis' already jaded heart.

 

Louis was confused, broken and tired.  Defeat devouring every little bit of optimism and hope he had left inside.

Was he really this bad a person? Was he really this unlovable?  What had he done to deserve this?  What could he possibly have done to be treated in this callous and cruel manner?

Not wanting to be alone, he moved back in with his mum.  Taking up residence again in his childhood room that his loving mother had left just the way he had.

 

For days he lay huddled in his bed and cried.  Gut renting, painful sobs that shook his entire body, made his head ache.  His mum listening as her heart broke outside his door, before trying to comfort and cuddle her baby boy who she loved so dearly.

"It's not your fault boo" she'd whisper angrily into his hair "It's not your fault"

 

Louis never knew whether the last straw was finding out that Ian and Hollie had got married, or Reece begging to get together with him.  

But by now he had seen and felt it all.  He'd felt the embarrassment of rejection.  He'd seen the horror of a jealous, sex obsessed cheating drunk, and he'd felt the humiliation of giving away all his love, only to be treated like a cash point instead of a person and be so carelessly abandoned.

He didn't need someone else trying to fuck with him.

Throughout his previous relationships Reece would find out he was with someone and contact him.  He would say he was sorry and he wanted them to be a couple.  There would be long, drawn out text conversations where Reece would tell Louis how much he regretted not giving them a chance, how jealous he was that Louis had found someone new.  How Reece would love him more than anybody else. Of course, that was until Louis agreed, said he would split up with whoever he was with.  Even after all this time, Louis was still drawn in.

But then Reece would back track, saying Louis deserved better and they wouldn't work because he really wasn't in the right mind set to be in a relationship. It was too many mind games, too much mental agony - but Louis kept replying.  He couldn't stop himself.

 

After two whole weeks spent in bed, not washing, barely sleeping, eating just enough to stop himself from starving.  Louis was dragged to the doctors by his mum, and diagnosed with anxiety and depression after he broke down in front of the doctor, curing in on himself in his chair and crying like he thought he would never be able to stop.  She signed him off work for four months immediately, scheduling him professional counselling and writing him a prescription for some long term anti depressants and a short cycle of sedatives to help him regain his sleeping pattern.  

It all felt too late.  There were too many troubles on his mind.  He had lost most of his friends over the years - loosing touch with them for a variety of reasons.  He was painfully single.  He couldn't trust his own judgement, let alone anyone else.  He no longer believed in love.  He was convinced that he was going to die alone.  

Why wait for the inevitable?

He had nothing left to give.  

He had nothing left to believe in.

 

Waking up in a hospital bed was the worst moment of his life.  His mum crying as she grasped his hand, face drawn and pale.  The biggest surprise was seeing his twin sitting next to her.  They had drifted so far apart that Louis found himself realising he easily forgot he even had a twin.  He was never there.  William was popular and busy at uni with either his studies, his job or his friends.  Why was he even here?  Was it just to flaunt his good fortune in Louis' pathetic face.

For the first time in their lives they didn't look identical.  William was tanned, bright eyed and full of life (although, admittedly he looked worried and slightly sick).  Louis just looked as terrible as he felt.  Purple bruise like shadows surrounded his eyes.  His cheeks were sunken, and his pallor was waxy.  His eyes looked, but they hardly saw.  William told him at a later date that his eyes had been the scariest thing about him.  They reminded him of death lights.  Absorbing the life around them, sucking it in, killing it on impact.

It was his mum who had found him when she came in to say goodnight one evening.  He lay on top of his bed, fully clothed and unconscious - an empty bottle of vodka by his side with an empty packet of sedatives.  If she had been out a little longer, if she hadn't have called the ambulance when she did.  Louis wouldn't have survived.  Jay never told Louis or William this.  It was the only secret she ever kept from her children, and it haunted her every waking moment of every day.

 

Louis swore it had been an accident.  He had only taken two to help him sleep and shut his overactive brain from thinking about his demons.  He forgot that they would be a toxic combination with the amount of alcohol he'd already drank and got drunk off.  He no longer had the ability or the want to think clearly.  

It was a subconscious scream for help.  Louis was more than struggling.  He was drowning, not caring enough to be able to save himself.

 

Sometimes, at your lowest moment all you need is one straw to grasp at to start your climb back up that slippery slope.  See that tiny pin prick of light at the end of the long dark tunnel.  

Louis found his whilst he was still recovering, and being observed in hospital,  trying to occupy his mind between his mum and William's visits.  He was flicking through channels on the tv where he came across a music video, but it wasn't just the song that got to him.  It was one of the singers.  

Singing into the camera was the most beautiful boy Louis had ever seen.  Delicious plump pink lips, distinctive chocolate curls and deep soulful green eyes that just penetrated Louis' heart even through the tiny screen.

In a fleeting thought he wondered if he actually had died - how was it possible that such a perfect angel was actually walking, breathing and living on the same Earth as he was?

The warmth in his bones was fleeting and could have been a coincidence, but Louis felt it at the exact moment he saw the angels dimples for the first time.

It had been so long since Louis had actually been able to think about anything apart from his pain.  Now he had something to focus on.  

He wanted to find out everything he could about the angel he'd just seen - Louis had to know if he was really as perfect as he imagined.  He didn't know anything about the boy - didn't even know his name.  But somewhere, someone was looking after Louis and knew that one day in the not so distant future, Harry Styles would walk into Louis Tomlinson's world, and continue the job he had unknowingly started - saving Louis' life.


	2. When Oops Met Hi

Harry Styles was so used to people staring at him when he was out and about that he barely noticed it any more.  He would go about his day and of course if anyone was brave enough to stop him and ask him for a picture or an autograph he would gladly give it to them.  It was the least he could do to show his appreciation for the support his fans gave him.

Walking into the shop, which was his main and only purpose for shopping in town, Harry perused a couple of isles, picking out a tube of toothpaste (whilst smiling at the oddness of seeing his own picture on a toothbrush) and made his way over to the pharmacy department. He'd been having a deep rooted muscular pain under his shoulder blade, and the paracetamol he had been taking just wasn't touching it.

He quickly found the pain relief section and had a quick look at the many different packets - trying to remember what he had read on google...it was just all too confusing...besides his mind was occupied with other things - namely, what he had come into the shop for in the first place.

Raising his head slightly so that he could see over the shelving units, he scanned around the shop with his crystal clear green eyes, watching, searching...found it!

Full of detemination, he quickly scooted out of the isle, approaching the healthcare counter and tapped a young looking boy on the shoulder, who was on his way back into a part of the shop floor that was closed off to the public.

The boy turned around, and a flash of the deepest blue caught Harry's full attention. 

Harry smiled, ready to speak to the boy.  But before he could say anything to him, the boys face turned a very sickly shade of white, blue eyes widening in disbelief before promptly dropping the four packets of tablets he was holding.  

Harry grinned "Oops" he drawled, ignoring the shell shocked look on his face "Dont think you wanted to do that"

"Hi"

The boy was looking stunned, clumsily holding out his hands for the packets which Harry carefully placed into them.  His fingers seemed to have lost all sense of grip though, because as soon as Harry had them secure in the boys hands, they would fall to the floor once again.

"Oh my goodness Louis!  What are you doing?" A loud high pitched laugh reached Harry's ears before he saw the woman it belonged to "Sorry about that sir, Louis....." the short cheery woman had collected the boxes from Harry's hands and was looking up at him for the first time when she paused.  

"I'll be in the back Lou" she quickly continued, and all but ran into the secluded area as fast as her little legs could carry her.  

"How can I help you?" 

Harry couldn't help but smile broadly at the boy, he looked so nervous and it was just too adorable for words.  He was just staring at him through his thick black rimmed glasses, eyes so wide, his thin too pink lips slightly open.  

"I need a diabetes assement please" Harry continued "Do I need to make an appointment?"

The boy took a deep breath, running his fingers (that seemed to be trembling slightly) through his fine short hair.

"I can do that for you now" he squeaked.  Harry wondered if that was his normal voice.

"Great" Harry enthused, making it sound like this was the best thing ever.

"Follow me"

The boy turned unsteadily on his heels, and led Harry past the pharmacy counter to where a small glass door was, leading into a tiny cubicle.  He opened the door for Harry, switched the sign to read "Occupied" and then followed him in, closing the door and pulling a thick blue curtain across to keep prying eyes from looking in.

"Nice room" commented Harry in a conversational tone as he sat down on one of the three plastic chairs and eased his coat off.

He watched intently as the boy sat down opposite him, pulling a pad of forms out of a drawer and gave him a curt nod, then seemed to shake himself awake and offered a little smile.  

"Harry" 

Harry stuck his hand out, and after another small shake of the boys head, he timidly raised his own smaller more delicate hand and shook it.  Harry's hand engulfed it.

"Louis" he breathed, shyly and sweetly.  He had only spoken four words since they had met, but Harry already loved the sound of his voice.  It was a much higher pitched than his own deep, gravelly tone.  He wondered what Louis sounded like when he laughed.

Louis.  He'd never met a Louis before.  It suited him.

"Can you fill in these questions?" Louis asked, passing Harry a pen and pushing the pad over to his side of the small table "Then I just need to take your...er...measurements" he blushed at this.  He looked adorable.

Harry gave him a smile and took his pen.  Their fingers briefly brushed which just made Harry's smile wider.

Quickly reading and checking the relevent boxes, he passed the pad and pen back over to Louis.

"Could you...er...would you mind...standing please?  Just there against the wall.  To check your height" Louis stuttered, slightly pink from having to construct such a long sentence "If that's alright?"

"Of course"

Harry stood in the place Louis had indicated to, pulling himself up to full height.  He was rather tall, especially in comparison to Louis who had to stand on tip toes to bring the measure down to rest lightly on the top of his head.  He jotted down the figure, then blushed.

"I...er..." he was clearly stumbling over his words, looking down at the floor instead of directly at Harry.  He was twisting a tape measure around his fingers.

"Waist measurement?" asked Harry kindly "No probs" and lifted his t-shirt up a bit so that it was rucked up around his broard chest, exposing his incredibly toned stomach covered in the smoothest tanned skin.  

Louis' eyes seemed to linger on the tattoos on either side of his waist - intricately drawn fearn leaves.  They were a new addition to his vast collection of inked designs, the left one covering up a previous one that he longer considered relevant.

"Might as well" 

Harry's head snapped up, regarding Louis with curiosity.  His blue eyes were as wide as saucers.  Harry chuckled and waited whilst Louis relaxed a little.  He still had shaky hands as he reached around Harry's waist with the tape measure, holding it between his finger and thumb whilst jotting down the figure in the right place on the form.

Smoothing down his t-shirt Harry waited to be told to stand on the scales to find out his weight.  Harry never paid attention to how much he weighed.  He worked out and exercised at least three times a week, ate the right foods and tried to keep as healthy a life style as possible.

"You're perfect"

Harry tried to stiffle the laugh that was making his lips twitch with amusement.

"Pardon?"

It could not be possible for Louis' face to go any redder.  His mouth opened and shut a couple of times, clearly horrified by his choice of words.

"You have little to no risk" he explained, jabbing a part of the form with his pen "So...keep doing what you are doing and you...you should be fine"

"Fantastic!" grinned Harry.  He sat down again "What other services do you offer here Louis?"

Louis frowned with concentration "well we do blood pressure checks, cholesterol checks and we have just started to do flu jabs"

"I'll take all three" Harry shrugged "Which do you want to do first?"

Louis could not hide his surprise "Why?" he asked "Don't you go to a special private clinc for this kind of thing?"

Harry laughed "Nah" he replied "You have to book months in advance for a full medical...and you don't have cold hands!" He finished with a grin.

For the first time Louis properly smiled, his whole face lighting up.  Even the corners of his eyes crinkled.  

"That's the mark of a proper healthcare professional" he joked, speaking at a more regular pace "Got to have warm hands"

"And a warm heart" Harry offered.

 Louis looked back down again, trying to hide his bashful expression.

They continued with first the blood pressure check and then moved on to cholesterol.  Both were clearly not an issue for Harry, but he listened carefully to all the advice Louis offered him - even showing him in a mirror, where a fine ring would appear around the outer of his iris to indicate a signal of high cholesterol.

"I'm going to have to get Michael to give you the flu jab" Louis told him regretfully "You will have to pay for that one though...it's £8.99"

"I'd rather pay that then be sick" Harry told him "Should I wait here?"

Louis handed him another form and a pen.

"Fill this in and I'll go get him" he instructed "Won't be a moment"

Harry watched him slide out of the door, making sure that the curtain was fully hiding Harry from view.

True to his word, Louis returned moments later with a tall, pleasant looking man who he was introduced to as being "Michael the pharmacist" he spoke with an Irish lilt that was gentle - but not as nearly as nice as Louis'.

Skimming the form in front of him, he gave Harry a quick run through of the procedure and a couple of warnings to look out for during the next twenty four hours.

The injection itself didnt hurt at all and he was encouraged to stay in the little room for about ten minutes before he left the shop.

When Harry finally emerged from the little room, his left arm still pain free, he found Louis looking out for him.

"Was there anything else I can help you with?" he asked politely.

Ten more minutes later and Louis had helped Harry select the right painkillers for his back and told them exactly when to take them and what else he could do to help it feel better again.  Harry was impressed and told the boy so.

Louis positively preened.

 

After paying he said goodbye to Louis.  But after walking no further than one pace away from the counter, he turned back.

"Louis?" He asked, feeling rather hesitant all of a sudden "Could I take you out to lunch?"

 


	3. Dreams Start With Costas and Selfies

Louis stood rooted to the floor, feeling as though he was in the middle of an impossible dream.

Harry Styles.  The actual Harry Styles was in his shop, smiling at him, talking to him like he was an actual human being.  He'd touched his skin! He, Louis William Tomlinson had actually had skin on skin contact with The Harry Styles from One Direction!  He'd been so close to him that he could smell him, see every fine individual hair that made up those perfect eyebrows, each little bit of those perfect dimples when he smiled, and that stomach!  Louis now knew where he wanted to grate all of his cheese - and what he wanted to eat it off!

That experience alone had made his life! But now Harry Styles was asking if they could have lunch together!

He knew he was staring.  He could feel his cheeks getting hot.  Oh gawd.  He must look like such a pathetic loser!

"Go!" Came an excited squeak from behind him as Wendy shuffled out of the dispensary, giving him - what in her opinion must have been a gentle nudge, but in reality was a hard shove to his back "Go right now!  Don't worry about coming back on time.  We'll cover for you!"

Louis smiled brightly and mouthed "thank you" to her and Michael who was standing at the front desk, pretending to be working at the computer, but actually watching the events unfold.  He shot Louis a flicker of a wink.

"I can...come now?" Louis stuttered, turning back to Harry "If that's ok?"

A warm, comforting smile shot across Harry's face, almost dazzling Louis with it's brightness.  Harry was smiling his dimpled smile at him.  Him!  Now he knew he must be dreaming!  He'd been dreaming about this moment for three years!  How was it possible that this was happening to him.

"I'll just grab my things" he said in a rush "Shall I meet you at the front?"

Harry nodded and watched with amusement as Louis tried to walk away in a nonchalant fashion, but just ended up looking as though he was running through treacle.  

 

As soon as Louis was through the door leading upstairs he was joined by Charlotte, Amy and Wendy who had all followed him.

"Oh my god! Oh my god! Oh my gawd!" Charlotte screeched grabbing Louis by the hands "You're having lunch with Harry Fucking Styles!"

They followed up into the locker room where Louis grabbed his jacket and bag in stunned silence.

"You look amazing" Wendy was telling him, even though nothing she was saying was penetrating his brain, instead he just stood there, looking dumbstruck as she removed his glasses to give them a quick polish on her white tunic.

Amy was fussing with his hair, running a comb through it and then hunting through her bag for some hair spray to keep it in place.  

"He's still here"

Debs had slid into the room clutching two different bottles of fragrance.

"Which one do you want Lou?" She asked holding up the two glass bottles for him to pick from.

"Ralph Lauren" Charlotte chose for him after a quick glance between the two offerings.

The four ladies stopped what they were doing to give Louis the quick once over.  

"You're good to go Lou" Wendy assured him "Have an amazing time!  And we want to hear all about it when you get back!"

She gave him a big motherly hug "Mmm" she commented breathing in deeply "You smell delicious"

She let go and Louis found himself being propelled on quivering legs down the stairs.  He could see Harry though the glass window in the door chatting with two little girls who were shopping with their mum.

Harry was so kind, he thought.  He really would talk to anyone.  Luckily, anyone also included Louis.

Just about feeling three more hugs to his slight frame, Louis took a deep breath and pushed his way through the door with the biggest smile on his face.  He was going to have lunch with Harry Styles, because Harry Styles had asked him too!

 

"It was lovely to meet you too". Harry was crouched next to a little blonde girl and her sister who were called Amelia and Emily.  Their mother was taking a photo of the three of them and Harry held one arm around each girl as they all said "cheese" for the camera.  After one last hug, the mother managed to pull away her over excited daughters uttering her thanks over their high pitched squeals of delight.

Harry watched them leave, giving a little wave as they went.  

"Hi"

Harry's smile broadened as he saw Louis approaching him, wearing a smart little black jacket that covered up his white work shirt and tie, and a black satchel slung across his body resting on his hip.  

"Hey"

They walked outside together.

"Where do you usually eat?" Asked Harry as they walked automatically down the pedestrianised shopping street.

"We have a Costa" Louis offered, not noticing that he hadnt entirely answered Harry's question "They're really nice there"

Harry nodded in approval and let Louis lead the way.  This was his first time in this town and he had no idea where anything was.

"Do you eat here a lot?" Harry asked, wracking his brain to think of something to talk about.  It was unusual to find himself so tongue tied, but this boy made him feel nervous butterflies in his stomach. They felt nice though.

"Every day" Louis replied, pushing open the door into the darker, more intimate atmosphere of the coffee shop "I love the drinks here"

Lily behind the till, spotted Louis immediately "Usual Lou?" She asked over the counter as he and Harry selected their toasted sandwiches.  She took them from him straight away (she always let him push the queue somehow) but as soon as she clocked exactly who his companion was she gave a short, sharp squeak.

"Er...Harry, this is Lily" Louis introduced quickly- it sounded so weird to have the words coming out of his mouth.

"Pleasure to meet you" Harry grinned and held out his hand to her which she shook.  Hard.

"Eating in today?" She asked "The sofa at the back is free" she told Louis "Usual drink for you?"

"Yeah thanks"

"And what would you like Harry?"  Lily's eyes were all starry and Harry's name just oozed off her tongue.

"Same as Louis please"

Lily nodded and reluctantly moved away to put their sandwiches to toast and get their drinks ready.

When it came to paying Louis had pulled out his card already, but his hand was knocked out the way by Harry giving Lily a crisp bank note.

"I invited you" Harry reminded him playfully.  He put his change away and followed the smaller boy to the back of the shop where a very comfortable settee was situated.

"They are really nice here" Harry approved, removing his coat once more and getting comfortable, slouching in his seat and stretching out his long slim legs "I can see why you like it"

Louis beamed with pride, very happy indeed that Harry Styles likes his favourite coffee shop.

"Thank you for lunch" he told him, adding another gold star onto his mental list of Amazing Harry Styles   Qualities.

"You were very helpful to me" Harry shrugged, very pleased at how happy Louis looked "I really appreciated the time you spent looking after me"

"Both my pleasure and privilege"  Louis murmured, and was saved the embarrassment of having to repeat it louder by Lily prancing up with their orders.

Louis was having an internal struggle about where to sit.  He wanted to sit next to Harry on the settee, but was that too familiar?  Shout he sit in the chair opposite?  Or did that look ungrateful and rude.

Harry, of course, saved him the trouble.

"So comfortable" he hummed happily drinking from his mug and dazzling Louis once again with a lazy smile.  He patted the space next to him.

"Sit next to me?" He asked, and who was Louis to deny him.

 

It should have been awkward and uncomfortable.  They had just met, Harry didnt want to ask if Louis recognised him, Louis didnt want to tell Harry that he had more pictures on his bedroom wall than his family.

Fortunately for both of them, Harry was so used to talking to random fans that he could make small talk about anything choosing to ask the smaller boy questions about himself inside and outside of work. He would have asked anything to get to hear his voice speak to him.

He asked Louis about his job, enjoying how the boy talked so animatedly and passionately about how he enjoyed making people feel better and helping them feel well again.  It was obvious that there was such a huge heart inside that little chest, Harry hanging on every word he uttered.

It wasn't long before Lily approached them cautiously, phone in hand.

"I'm really sorry if this sounds unprofessional" she started "But could we (she indicated to the three girls standing conspicuously behind her) have a photo taken with you?"

"Of course" Harry assured her, laughing at the squeals as the girls hurried to lean over the back of the chair to all get into the same picture frame.

"I'll take it" Louis offered shyly holding out his hand for the phone and beginning to stand up.

"No way Lou!"

Lily's hand pressed firmly on his shoulder keeping him seated "You have got to be in this too"

"I've got it" Harry put one arm gently around Louis' shoulders, pulling him as close as possible and stretching out his other long arm to get all six faces into the frame.  

Harry Styles actually had his arm around him!  Louis could feel his heart pounding like a jack hammer.

"Hold still" Harry requested, handing the phone back for approval "Want one too" and quickly snapped one on his own phone, and then another one when Louis quietly and shyly pressed his own iPhone into his large hand.

Hugs were exchanged between Harry and the girls and then Harry and Louis went back to drinking the last of their coffees.  

All too soon, Louis had to head back to work.  But he couldn't complain.  He really had just had the best hour of his life.

Harry walked him back to his shop.

"Thank you for a really lovely time" Harry told him first enjoying the look of wonder etched on his companions face "We should meet up again sometime"

He handed Louis his phone "Put your number in?"

With a slightly dazed expression and trembling fingers Louis did and handed it back.

Harry hummed happily pressing a few buttons.

Almost immediately the phone at the bottom of Louis' satchel began to ring - Harry's own voice singing "What Makes You Beautiful" 

Scrabbling for it, wishing the ground would swallow him up from embarrassment, Harry laughed.

"At least I don't need to explain what I do for a living!" He stated.  Louis would walk for miles on broken glass barefoot to hear that laugh again.

"I know who you are" he admitted quietly "I didn't know if I should say"

"I know" Harry confirmed giving his shoulder a comforting gentle squeeze "You have a 1D phone case!"

Louis knew his face would never revert back to it's natural colour he felt so hot.

"Now you have my number too" Harry reminded him "I hope you use it, I'd really like to get to know you better Louis"

Then he hugged him, his hair got in Louis' face and his breath caught as the sweet smell of honeysuckle and jasmine filled his senses.

"Thank you Harry" he managed to whisper, sinking into the hug and squeezing him tightly.  They parted.  Harry waved goodbye and do speared into the crowd.  

Louis, dazed and confused, feeling the power of a thousand suns, made his way back to the staff room.

Before he went back to work, he took a quick look at the photo that had been taken - less than half an hour ago, but already it didn't feel real.

It was perfect.  Louis was snuggly tucked under Harry's strong muscular arm, his large hand settled on Louis' shoulder.  Harry looked beautiful as always but what struck Louis the most was the expression he wore on his face.  Unashamed, unmasked escesty.  He never thought he'd see that smile again. 

Of course.  He had also not expected to meet Harry Styles!


	4. Everyone Has Insecurities - Even Harry Styles

The remains of the day passed by in a blur for Louis.  Michael and Wendy had downed tools the moment he stepped back into the dispensary, demanding to know every detail of the past hour - which he had to repeat another six or seven times due to his other colleagues popping in to hear all about the hottest gossip their shop had encountered in years.

Louis recounted everything, proudly showing them the photograph.  He didnt tell everyone that they had exchanged numbers.  He kept that tidbit of information just for Michael and Wendy - the only two people in the store he would trust with such a secret.  It was only when they were shutting down the computers at the end of the day that Louis really acknowledged the enormity of what had happened to him that day, shocking his system so suddenly that he just burst into tears.

Wendy hurried to his side, her mothering instincts in full flow as she cuddled her "son" to her ample chest, rubbing his back and making crooning noises of comfort in his ear as he choked out that today had been the biggest and best day of his life and nothing that exciting would ever happen to him again.

Wendy didn't know what to say.  She'd worked with Louis a long time, and knew how his mind worked.  She knew that he felt at his most self conscious on the days he styled his hair and was trying to make himself feel better.  She knew he chewed his fingers when he was in a moment of anxiety and she saw with her own eyes how he tried desperately to fit in with everyone - and he did - but only to the level of acquaintance.  No one wanted to be his friend.

"Why aren't I good enough?" He'd blankly asked her on more than one occasion.

Wendy had repeated the same thing she always said.

"You are more than good enough" she would tell him, angry at the world for not seeing all the good in this boy "There is someone special out there just waiting to meet you.  They will find you when they are ready to be found.  Until then..."

"I'll roll and roll till I change my luck" Louis finished for her tonelessly.

He remembered these words now. He didnt know why she always said it but it was her answer for everything.

"Now" she told him, her eyes flashing with strength "Dont you go home thinking you're not good enough.  Today, you were the person who Harry Styles thought good enough to take out and give his number to.  And if he is even half the man you tell me he is, then he saw how special and sweet and kind a boy you are!  And if he lets you go, then it's his fault, because believe me Louis Tomlinson.  Harry Styles was the lucky one to get to spend time with you!"

Louis made a face "You have to say that, you're my mother" he replied sarcastically.

"Only because I choose to be" Wendy reminded him, levelling her stare with his and gave him a big hug.

"Want a lift kiddo?"

Louis smiled at Michael gratefully.  His bus was probably long gone by now.

They were both quiet on the way to Louis' home.  Louis needed silence and Michael knew to give it to him.

"Don't be too hard on yourself Lou" was all Michael said to him as he got out the car.  He received a weak, slightly watery smile in return.  It was a clear sign.  Louis was going to spend the night rehashing every second of the day and turning everything into a reason why he wasn't a good enough human.

If only someone would see him clearly.  Michael thought as he drove off.

 

Jay was out when Louis got home. He made the most of the empty house to sit outside the back door, back leaning against the side of the house, smoking his way through five cigarettes.  His head swam, his throat burned and made him cough, dislodging a disgusting lump of mucus in his throat that he revoltingly spat out into the hedge.  He loathed his habit sometimes.

 

Numb with cold, Louis made himself a hot water bottle and cuddled down in his bed in the darkness, eyes full of adoration as he stared at the picture of him and Harry and then his missed call log. He couldn't believe he had a direct link to the boy in the photo.  And it wasn't something he had stolen from a website.  Harry had actually given him his number...by taking his.  Wow.

He wanted to text him, but he had no idea what to say.  He really wanted to talk to him though.  Pulling up Twitter he composed a new message.

 

 

@harry_styles I don't know you half as well as i would like, and like you only half as much as you deserve #storyofmylife

 

It wouldn't be seen, and maybe Louis was ok with that.  If Louis actually text Harry - it wouldn't be long until Harry realised that maybe Louis wasn't as special as he first thought.  Louis would much rather never have Harry to begin with, then feel the pain of loosing him.

 

 

 

"Didn't your mother teach you not to stare?" asked Harry distractedly from where he was sitting on a random settee staring at his phone.  He had been able to feel Zayn Malik's eyes on him for the last ten minutes.

Zayn, seeing it as an invitation, uncurled himself from the arm chair he was lazing in and slumped down next to Harry.  They were waiting once again for a plane - not entirely sure where they were headed.

"You've been a bit distracted lately" he commented watching Harry shift his phone between his hands, but not breaking his gaze from the screen "Want to talk about it?"

"What would you say if I told you I think I have found the love of my life?"

Zayn's nose twitched with concentration "I'd say I didn't know you were dating...is it that time of year already?" He joked.  Harry was notorious for having a girlfriend that only lasted for the winter - he swore it wasn't intentional!

Harry raised his eyes just long enough to give him a glare of reserved exasperation.

"Low blow" he muttered, once again turning his attention back to the screen.

"What are you looking at?" Zayn asked, craning his neck to see the tiny screen.

Immediately Harry turned the phone over, pressing it faced down against the leg of his tight trousers.

"Something tells me you're not going to be much help" he told him dryly.

Zayn rolled his eyes, sometimes Harry could just be so damn sensitive.

"Talk to me" he persisted "I'll be serious"

"Well..." Harry began, but was cut off by Niall jumping on top of them.

"Why you being serious?" He asked  , scrambling to get a seat and kicking both Harry and Zayn in the process.

"Harry has love problems" Zayn told him "He thinks he's....."

"Oh my god is it winter already!" Niall cackled gleefully, earning him a hefty punch on the arm from Harry "Ow!" he rubbed the tender patch, his glare matching the one Harry was staring at him with.

"Ok. So this is why we're serious.  What's the problem little brother?"

Harry tilted his head to the side, wondering how to word the thoughts he'd been mulling over for the past couple of days.

"I met someone" he said simply "Someone I really like.  Someone who I think could be the love of my life"

"Where was I when this was going on?" Niall demanded "Are you with someone?  How long?"

"We haven't been on a date" Harry rushed to clarify "I only met him the other day"

Niall and Zayn exchanged dubious glances.

"And you think he's the love of your life?" Asked Niall skeptically "Really Harry, have some common sense!"

"I felt something when I was with him" Harry tried to explain, unsure how to put the feelings into words "He's just got something about him...I don't know...I just can't stop thinking about him"

"He's a he?" Niall exclaimed, his eyebrows raising so high, they nearly vanished into his blonde quiff "When did this happen?"

"Harry's always been into guys" Zayn muttered "Just never acted on it"

Harry looked grateful for Zayn not making a fuss at the revelation.

"Ok, so you met a guy" urged on Niall, getting comfortable "Are you seeing him again?"

"I don't know" confessed Harry "We swapped numbers....he hasn't contacted me though" he sounded sad and disappointed.

"So make the first move" Niall shrugged, obviously this was easier to understand if you were a causal observer "What's stopping you?"

"He's a fan"

"Who isn't"

"Are you trying to be unhelpful?  I really like him"

"And if he is a fan, he must like you too"

Harry put on his most meaningful expression "But what if he turns out to not actually like me?" He groaned, massaging his temples "What if...."

"What if the legend is just a human boy?" Zayn offered 

Harry snapped his fingers, sitting upright and nodding animatedly "Exactly!"

"So you are worried that underneath all the hysteria that is Harry Styles of One Direction, you are just a plain, normal boy who likes photography and music, who speaks too slowly and only knows shit jokes?" Niall chipped in.

"Unhelpful!" Harry growled and turned his full attention to Zayn "What do I do?"

"Text him" Zayn said confidently "Stop obsessing over what could happen and find out.  What does he look like?"

Harry took a moment and then passed Zayn his phone.

"Isn't that....." He started to ask, but Harry cut him off.

"No"

"But he looks just like..."

"It's not him" Harry said gruffly, taking his phone back, once again transfixed with the beautiful boy.

"Text him" Zayn urged seeing how smitten Harry actually was "Give him a chance mate"

Harry nodded non committedly.  He could either try.  But would he really want go through wanting someone so badly and loose him!  He would soon find out that Harry was nowhere near as special as Louis might think he was.  It was enough to make him not try at all then have him and loose him.

Louis was special.  So special it made his heart burn.  Harry, was just Harry.  Plain old Harry.


	5. Success? There Is No Sweeter Smell Than....Honeysuckle

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just wanted to say thank you so much for all the encouragement with your comments and kudos. It really makes my day to know that you're enjoying it :) hope you like this chapter too :):):)

It had been three days since Louis had met Harry.  72 hours.  Unaccountable minutes.  He still hasn't plucked up the courage to actually text him, but that didnt mean he hadn't thought about it - in fact that was all he had done since Harry had hugged him goodbye.

Everytime he felt his resistance crumble he would send him a tweet - completely anonymous and with no hint of who he was, and that would satisfy his cravings for a little while longer.

When he wasn't awake to tweet, his subconscious would take over, having long lucid conversations in his dreams with the curly haired angel.  When he awoke, the conversations were so vivid at the front of his mind, that for a few minutes after waking he would swear blind that they had talked for hours - but the warmth of his dreams soon changed into the cold truth of reality.  

Louis would have been lying if he hasn't hoped Harry would turn up at his shop again, and maybe that was why he started getting up an hour earlier before work every day to style his hair and make sure he looked as good as possible.  He even dragged Amy and Charlotte to their local Lush shop on their lunch break to buy 'manly' amazing smelling moisturiser, body cream and shampoo to make sure his skin and hair looked and smelled as delicious as Harry's had.  

Both girls knew why he was doing it, but were kind and didnt point it out.  Both of them had talked about the very surprising meeting and whilst agreed shared the same opinion that 'lightening didn't strike twice', they were delighted that it had seemed to give Louis a new wave of self confidence and were pleased he was taking pride in his appearance.  Louis was really a nice boy it turned out.  How had they not realised this before?

Work was just as busy as usual. Still understaffed, still a hefty backlog of undispensed prescriptions to attend to.  Still a huge queue of upset, poorly, disappointed people for Amy, Louis, Michael and Wendy to try and pacify and sweet talk into not taking their prescription elsewhere.  It was long, and tenuous and a strain on all of them, but they kept each other going with the occasional joke and a laugh.  It was their unwritten rule of their pharmacy.  They had to find one thing to laugh about every day and they all followed the same mind set "I am only one person, I can only do the best that I can"

It still didnt distract them well enough to pretend that it wasn't a shit place to be and each had an escape plan in mind - unfortunately all them involved winning a vast amount of money!

Michael spent a vast amount of money on lottery tickets, hoping he would one day win enough to share the spoils with the three other people who he spent the majority of his waking hours with.  He really did think of them all as family.

 

"Got a delivery for a Louis Tomlinson"

Louis' ears pricked up from where he was working at the far back corner of the dispensary.  Putting down his pen and frowning with curiosity, he hurried to the front bench to find a delievery man holding a huge arrangement of deep jade coloured fearns and blooms of the purest white, richest gold, creamiest yellow and the sweetest pink.

"Oh my! They are beautiful!" Wendy exclaimed, giving Louis a sideways hug as he signed for the delivery, her mouth slightly open as she awed over the beauty of the display "Who sent you those?"

Very carefully and blushing furiously, Louis carried them to the back and with his little nimble fingers picked out the small envelope.  

On the front was his name written in scrawled block capitals.

Inside, with the same handwriting style - just without capitals was written:

 

I searched everywhere to find a flower that made me think of you - one that captures my imagination, makes my inside flutter like butterflies and warms my heart.  Honeysuckle has always been my favourite flower, I hope you like them.

Harry

ps.  I would love to take you out at the weekend.  Text me xxx 

 

Louis didnt have to bend far to smell irristable alluring fragrance that instantly made him remember smelling Harry's thick gorgeous chocolate curls.  It was the most thoughtful, sweetest gesture he had ever received and it had been from Harry!

"Go text him right this second!" Wendy demanded, swiftly moving into bossy mummy mode "Do not leave this boy waiting! Oh my darling Louis, he must really like you!  The card is just....it's beautiful Lou!"

Louis nodded, unable to speak from the emotional lump in his throat. 

Dashing upstairs he grabbed his phone and his coat.  He needed to think, he needed to get this absolutely right first time, he needed a cigarette!

Almost running, he sat down heavily on his bench, sucking at the lit filter and wishing his hands would stop shaking.

It took numerous rewrites, four cigarettes and thirty six minutes before he was happy enough to press send.  There was no going back now, he thought as he watched the message transmit.  He had just text Harry Styles.  Now the agonising wait would commence for a reply.

Hi Harry, thank you so much for the unexpected gorgeous flowers.  They were so thoughtful!  I've never been sent flowers before. I would love to spend time with you at the weekend.  Love Louis xx


	6. The First Time I Saw Your Face, You Had No Idea

"I still say you can't go wrong with roses" Liam Payne told Harry as they browsed through the wide variety of flowers at the largest florist they had ever set foot in "They're classy, elegant and scream good taste and romance"

Harry shook his head whilst fingering a long stemmed red rose "Anyone can buy him roses" he retorted, admiring the perfection in the petals, but deciding against them immediately "I want something special that will really tell him how I feel about him"

"What about a lovely cactus!" Suggested Niall, jumping into his line of vision, holding an ugly little stump of a plant in a nice terracotta pot "It's thick, stumpy, and if you sit on it, will give you a massive prick up the...."

"Niall!" Exclaimed Liam, slapping a hand across the excitable blonde boys mouth "You can't say stuff like that!"

"What do you mean stumpy?!" exclaimed Harry looking incredibly affronted.

"Tight trousers" came Niall's muffled laughter under Liam's hand.

"It's not stumpy" Harry growled after taking a quick look at his crotch region "Never say that again.  Now shut up.  I need to concentrate"

Harry wondered away from Liam and Niall.

He had decided after a great deal of thought that he wanted to ask Louis out on a date.  But he didn't just want to text him, he wanted to do something special.

trouble was, there was so much choice and nothing was appealing to him.  Sure roses were the obvious choice, and if they had been the right thing, then 100 perfect red ones would be on their way to the the boy right now.  But although he had heard Liam's view on them, Harry thought they showed he had way too much money and little imagination- not what he wanted to convey.

 

"Having some trouble choosing?" 

The florist approached Harry.  She had a sweet face and an engaging smile.

"I want to send someone some flowers"

Harry blushed a little at his in insightful comment. He heard Niall's splutter of hidden laughter, and could imagine Liam's eyes rolling.  Duh! They were at a florists!

The girl laughed gently as though she got that kind of comment all the time.

"Special occasion?" She asked "Who are they for?"

"Someone special" answered Harry, not wanting to give too much away "They're to go with a request for a date"

"How much is your budget?"

"Endless" Harry replied with certainty "But, not roses.  Too many people buy roses"

"Ooh a challenge" the girl laughed "Lilies?"

"I'm not asking for a proposal"

"or a funeral" Niall helpfully cut in "And not a cactus- that was my choice"

"That would send the wrong message" stated the girl exchanging a glance of understanding with Harry.

For the next forty five minutes the girl showed Harry flower after flower.  But none of them were right.  None of them said the right thing.  He was just about decided on some beautiful lilac and yellow irises, when a delicious waft reached his nostrils.

"Honeysuckle" he breathed, taking a bigger sniff of the air and looking eagerly at the girl "That's it!"

Laughing at his delighted face - which might as well have had a large lightbulb hovering over it, the girl showed him exactly where they were.

Harry was mesmerised by the different colours, intoxicated by the fragrance , mind wiring a mile a minute as he mentally drafted out a not in his head.

"I'll take all of them" he told her as Liam and Niall chuckled at the giddy smile adorning his face "and some of those ferns with the delicate leaves"

It took a while for them to be arranged, but Harry was more than happy with the result, and after snapping a quick picture, writing the card to go with them and telling the girl the address they needed to be delivered to, he paid.  It was expensive, and considering how far away they had to he caorriored, the  delivery charge was almost as much as the flowers themselves.

It would all be worth it though, Harry assured himself hoping that Louis would reply to him as soon as possible.

 

It was only when they had got back to their hotel that a sudden chilling thought struck him.

"Oh fuck!" He exclaimed, making Niall jump as he hit his head on the wall out of annoyance with himself.  It had all been going so perfectly!  Why had he stupidly messed it up!

"Harry?" Asked Liam, visibly concerned by his mates outburst.

"I put Louis Tomlinson on the card!" Harry told him frantically 

"Good, cos that's his name right?" Asked Niall looking at Harry like he was crazy - who was tugging at his hair with a slightly deranged look in his eyes.

"I'm not meant to know his surname!" Harry wailed "I wrote it on the fucking envelope!  I'm not meant to know it!"

Liam looked and sounded confused "Louis doesn't know about you and Will?" He asked, knowing the answer before he'd even uttered it "Shit mate, what the hell are you going to do to get out of this one?"

"Maybe you should call Will?" Niall suggested, leaving Harry wondering how he had managed to stay alive this long if he kept making stupid comments.

Harry swore a couple more times before leaving the room, phone in hand.  Before he shut the bedroom door, Liam and Niall both heard him say the words "Hey Will?  It's Harry"

 

*Flashback*

"Aren't you finished yet?" Harry groaned, stretching out his long legs on the bed "My stomachs gonna start eating itself if you take much longer!"

"Calm down bro" William Tomlinson smirked whilst studying a piece of paper sitting on the bed in front of him where he was sat opposite Harry cross legged "I just have to get this last...."

William trailed off as he chewed on his pen, completely lost in thought.

Harry sighed.  Will was going to be at least another hour or so.  Popping a piece of mint gum in his mouth and hoping that would tide him over for a little while longer, he absentmindedly reached for the smaller boys laptop to waste a bit of time.

Choosing to browse through his extensive collection of photos, Harry snuck little looks at William every now and again.  He'd known him for about six months now, meeting in quite usual circumstances through a mutual friend and got chatting.

William was a ball of energy, always darting from one person to another, chatting a mile a minute with a huge grin on his face, cackling with laughter and getting everyone in his company to do the same.  He was a great lad and Harry had made sure they stayed in touch.

They text every now and again, Harry going to stay at his uni place in Cardiff when he wasn't busy with the band or was at a loose end, Will was a great laugh, always had lots of new friends to introduce Harry to, but the best nights were the ones where they would just hang out in his dorm room, talking, working and eating takeaway - William was no culinary expert.

Working his way through some of the more artier pictures William had taken, he suddenly came across one in particular that caught his attention.

"Hey Will?" He asked "Is this some really good photoshop? Or am I so hungry I'm starting to see double?"

"Huh?" William wrinkled his nose, and moved, curling his body around Harry's legs to look at the screen for himself.

"Dick!" He exclaimed chuckling with easy laughter "That's Lou!"

"I didn't know you had a brother" Harry exclaimed "Let alone an identical twin!

"I talk about him all the time" scoffed William going back to his paper "Nice to know you listen to me bud!"

"How come I don't know his name?"

"Same as mine mate, just in a different order.  That's Louis William Tomlinson, I'm William Louis"

"Never met him"

"Never been here" William shook his head sadly "So much for the twin bond Eh?"

He was trying to make a joke, but Harry could see from the boys eyes that it was something that his friend was really upset about.

"Got any more pictures?" Harry asked, referring to his twin

William grabbed the laptop and went straight to an album marked Louis.

"Knock yourself out" he told him quietly, and once again went back to his paper.

Harry scrolled through the hundreds of photos.  Examining each one intently.  

"Gorgeous" he murmured aloud as he landed on one close up shot.  Deep soulful cobalt eyes stared through the screen at him, almost hypnotising the green eyed lad.  There was so much held in those blue eyes, so much depth and history.

"Thanks mate" William chirped cheerily at him "I am a bit of a stunner aren't I?"

"I meant Louis you fool" Harry chuckled throwing a pillow at his twins triumphant face.

William gaped "But we're identical!" 

Harry clicked on another picture of the two of them together.

"No your not" he said quietly "Louis' like no one I've ever seen before"

"I don't think you will ever see him" William told him shortly "He doesn't see me that much"

"Why not?" Harry asked surprised 

"He doesn't like me"

 

Four words hung in the air.  William's eyes looking a little misty as he gave a little smile at the identical twin boys in the picture "I love him though" he whispered, voice cracking with emotion "I really miss him"

Harry looked back at the picture.  At his friend and his beautiful brother.

"Can I help?" He asked slowly, unsure of what he could do, but wanting to do something.

"Nah, would take too much graft" William told him shrugging "Besides, your career is just about to take off.  You won't have time for us Tomlinson's once your single goes global!"

"I don't know about global!" Harry laughed at the thought "Besides" he paused to pick up the piece of paper William had been pouring over "Don't think I'll be leaving you behind with gold like this!"

William gave him an uncharacteristic small smile.

"We'll see" was all he said.

 

*Four months later*

"Harry?  It's Will.  Can I come over?  Now?"

The message William left on Harry's answer machine had sent a chill down Harry's spine at the time, but it was nothing to the cold, harsh shock he felt when William turned up on his doorstep three hours later.

Eyes puffy, cheeks wet and red from crying, chest heaving, Harry led him gently inside.

"Louis" William managed to choke out before dissolving into fitful sobs "Louis nearly died!"

Instantly, William was in Harry's arms, clutching at him as though he was on the edge of a cliff and afraid of falling.

"He would have been all alone!" William wept "I....I wasn't there for him and he needed me!"

He kept repeating it over and over into Harry's shoulder "I wasn't there"

"What happened?" Harry asked carefully, stroking his soft hair and giving him a small kiss on his forehead.

"Overdose and alcohol intoxication" William gulped, wiping his running nose on the sleeve of his hoodie "He's awake" he clarified, accepting the tissue Harry handed to him and blowing his nose loudly "Mum and I were with him when he woke up...the look he gave me..." A fresh wave of sobs racked his small body "He hates me Harry.  My twin brother fucking hates me and I don't know why!"

"Why are you here?" Harry asked, not complaining, just curious.

"No one knows about you" William stated "I didn't want people to think we are friends because you're about to be famous.  Besides.  Wouldn't keep my side projects secret anymore!" 

He tried to give a bright charismatic smile that was typically William Tomlinson, only today it came out weak, watery and more like a grimace than anything else.

The pain etched into his pale face was almost tangible.

"No one would know I was here to try and find me" he added, revealing his real answer.

"You should be at home" Harry stated picking up his car keys. "Come on, I'll drive you"

"It's ok I'll get the train back" William answered not protesting in the slightest.  He'd got the hug that he desperately needed, he'd been able to cry openly without judgement.  Now he needed to be with his family.

Harry wouldn't take no for an answer, it would take him about eight hours to drive to Devon and back, but he wanted to make sure William was safe.

They were silent the whole way.  No talk, no music playing.  William directed Harry to the hospital - Louis was probably sleeping, but he wanted to be around when he woke up.

"Come see him" he said suddenly as Harry parked the car "I want you to at least see my inspiration first hand"

Louis was sleeping when they arrived.  They didn't enter the room, just watched through the door as the very frail, trouble looking boy slept.

"He's so thin" William commented biting his lower lip until it turned white "And so pale...and his eyes...you can't see them now, but when they were open earlier...after the look of pure hatred he shot me...they were just empty...like he was looking, but was seeing nothing"

"Do you think it was intentional?"  Harry barely liked to ask, not looking at William, but instead staring transfixed at the small lump of Louis' tiny body huddled under the thin hospital bedding.  Even in his sleep he looked painfully sad and unhappy.  It made Harry's heart ache.

"I don't know" William confessed clearing his throat "Mum said he'd been having a tough time lately and she'd had to take him to the doctors because he was in a bad way...I didn't know it was this bad.  He doesn't even look like me anymore Harry!  He's the other half of me and yet I know absolutely nothing about him or his life!"

Hearing the tears in his voice before they spilled over his eyelids, Harry pulled William into his embrace.  More than anything he wished he could help.  He wished he could take away the pain, both from his friend and his beautiful brother who he had a sudden urge to protect and fight for.  

"You'd really like him Harry" William was muttering into his chest "And he would really like you"

"I'm sure I'd love him" Harry murmured, pressing his lips to William's forehead once more.

William pulled away from him, searching his pockets for something, and pulled out a crumpled piece of paper which he handed to Harry.

"I finished it on the way up to yours" he said "Rewrote most of it.  It's to go with what I sent you last week.  I'll email you the whole thing as soon as I can"

"Take your time"  Harry assured him, folding the paper carefully and putting it into his own pocket "No rush"

William smiled and folded himself back into his friends arms, both of them watching Louis sleep.  The hours rushed by and before they knew it, Louis was shifting under his bedding waking up.

"I'll leave you to it" whispered Harry to William, giving him a tight squeeze "I'm just a phone call away remember?"

William nodded "I'll let you know how he gets on" he promised "Drive safe" and with those last words he hurried into Louis' room, just as his twin was opening his eyes.

 

Harry thought a lot about Louis and William on the drive home.  Their relationship, his friendship with William, how drawn he could feel he was to Louis - even though they had never, and would probably never meet.

When he got home, he read the words that William had scribbled, crossed out, and written again on the paper he had handed him at the hospital.  Emotionally charged, heart wrenching words of real feelings that just leapt off the page and hit him in the face.  So sad and yet so beautiful at the same time.  William certainly had a talent.  Harry wondered for the hundredth time why he chose to keep it hidden from the rest of the world.  But it had been his decision, and who was Harry to argue with it.

When he went to bed that night, and for many nights after, the last face he pictured was Louis'.  First the one where he was with William looking happy and full of love and life, then the one of him with the sunken skin, dull hair and bruised eyes.  

How he wished he could do something, say something - anything to put things right, anything to make him look as beautiful and happy as he had in the first photo.

 

Little did he know, four hours drive away, in a small hospital room on the seventieth floor, Louis Tomlinson was flicking through the tv channels, just about to set eyes on the curly haired, green eyed boy who for the next three years of his life, was going to call his Angel.


	7. Lesson One in How to Hack Off Your Best Friend...Buy His Twin Flowers and Ask Him on a Date

"Hey Harry! How are you mate?" William enthused from the end of the line "Haven't heard from you in ages!  Did you miss me?"

Harry gripped his phone tighter to his cheek, wondering how long Happy William was going to last once he admitted to what he was doing.

"Everyday!" He babbled, trying to sound chirpy.

"Ok, what's up?" William asked warily "You sound odd.  Are you alright?  Has some lying bitch done another kiss and tell on you?  Have you had nudes leaked to the press?    Have you realised that you are suddenly in love with me?  Because dude- I hate to remind you - but as sexy and alluring you are, I don't bat for your team!"

The earpiece attached to Harry's ear was filled with William's throaty little chuckle, making Harry smile with fondness.  When on form, William's personality was like a huge globe of undiluted sunshine - no wonder he and Niall got along so well!

"Ok" Harry started, his words coming out his mouth slower than usual "I need to tell you something, and I'm fully prepared for you to flip out over it.  All I ask is that you hear me out"

"Um...ok" William was obviously frowning, sounding wary "What's going on?  Have you blown my cover?"

"God no!" Harry exclaimed, horrified that William would even consider that Harry might let the cat out of the bag "Nothing like that!  I...well I think I might be in the first stages of falling in love with someone"

"Aww that's amazing!" William was almost shouting down the phone now and if Harry knew the boy well enough then he was currently jumping up and down "I've been waiting for this day for so long!  It's about time you thought about settling down.  Who's the lucky man?  Someone I know?  Is it Nick?  I bet it's Nick!"

Harry laughed awkwardly "It's not Nick" he said trying to conceal a small shudder as he vaguely imagined going any further than friendship with his Radio 1 presenter friend Nick Grimshaw "But you do know them..."  He trailed off, listening to William mutter various names in his quest to work out who the mysterious person was that Harry had fallen for.

"It's Louis"

The words bolted out of Harry's mouth quicker than he could think them.  There was a long silence,  all Harry could hear was the faint sound of William's steady breathing.

"Pardon?" He finally asked, sounding distinctly cool in tone "You'll need to repeat that one Harry, because for one moment I was sure you said you were falling in love with my brother.  But I must have been mistaken, because you have never met my brother - have you Harry?"

"I've met him" Harry croaked, this conversation was going worse than he had feared it would.

He could almost see William close his eyes tiredly and pinch the bridge of his nose which he always did when he was feeling stressed.

"How did you meet him Harry?" 

"I ran into him...at his pharmacy"

"And what a coincidence that you needed to go to a pharmacy and you picked to vist one that's situated about four hours drive away from your house!"

William's sassy sarcastic attitude had always been one of Harry's favoured attributes about him.  But being on the wrong end of one of his sneering speeches was something else.

"I went to find him" he revealed in his smallest voice "I just couldn't stop thinking about him Will.  I haven't been able to stop thinking about him since I first saw his picture on your laptop. Three years ago"

"and you just decided after all this time to steam in, and what? Sweep him off his feet?  You are well aware he doesn't know we are friends right?"

"Yes" replied Harry miserably 

"So what happened?"

"We met, I took him for lunch.  We exchanged numbers and I...er...I sent him flowers asking him out on a date"

William groaned.  "What the fuck Harry!" He almost shouted "You are going to fuck up everything!  You'll have to admit that I have lied about knowing you!  You're going to tell him I lied about what work I do!  He hates me enough as it is!  This is going to tear any chance I had with reconciliation away from me!  For fucks sake!"

"Well why did you have to lie anyway?" Spat Harry, "I didn't ask you to and I still don't understand why you did.  That was your choice not mine!"

"Not exactly my choice anymore is it" shouted William "Things were going fine until you pulled this little stunt!  You know, I would tell you to stop it right now, but that would only break Lou's heart and I can't be the cause of that.  Fucking hell Harry!  I am so angry with you!  Why him!  Why my brother!"

"Im sorry!"

Harry shouted the words so loud he could feel them vibrating in William's ears.

"Not fucking good enough Styles" William sneered, Harry flinching as he was called by his surname for the first time before the line went dead.  William had ended the call on him.

 

"Didn't go too well?" Asked Liam casually as Harry walked numbly back into the living room and flopped dejectedly down in a chair.

Harry's face spoke volumes, but Liam wanted to hear it for himself.

"I think I've really made a bad move" confessed Harry, running his fingers through his hair "The worst thing is, Will is right...fuck why didn't I talk to him about it first?"

"Why didnt you?" Piped up Niall who was poring over the room service menu.

"Because I knew he would say no" groaned Harry "Because I'm incredibly selfish and I only thought about myself"

"What is it about this Louis?" Liam asked curiously "I mean I've seen you like people before...but I don't think anyone has grabbed you like this before...the flowers, the note, travelling miles just to see someone you've never met in person.  It's so unlike you"

"I don't know" Harry confessed again "I just saw his picture and something just clicked.  And when I met him...wow...I just couldn't imagine not seeing his little face smiling at me every day...and he was so lovely, and sweet and small.  I just wanted to cuddle him up in my arms and never let him go" he trailed off "I just hope he likes me too"

"Why is Will so pissed?"  Liam barely knew William - they'd all been introduced to him as Harry's friend and had spent a bit of time with him at parties, but he didn't know too much about him.

"I broke the bro code" Harry lied, not wanting to get into the reasons "He loves Louis to bits...probably worried about my reputation"

"Well then, make sure Louis is happy and you'll be fine I'm sure" Liam replied sensibly "And by the sounds of it, Louis' gonna be a very spoilt and cared for little puppy.  What are you going to do for your date?"

"I don't know if he's accepted yet" Harry felt worried, what if he had gone through and put William through all this upset for nothing?

Liam checked his watch "Flowers won't have been delivered yet" he commented "Still I really doubt he's going to turn you down.  Any ideas yet?"

Harry didn't want to tell Liam that he had planned their first date years ago.

"Yeah" he smiled "But I'll tell you about it afterwards"

 

When Louis finally text Harry five and a half hours later - not that he was keeping track or anything - he realised what proper relief felt like, almost like he had been holding his breath for days.  Suddnly he couldn't stop smiling.  Louis had actually agreed to go out with him, or rather, he would "love to spend time with him".  Harry was just so happy and text him back straight away.

 

_Harry:  Fantastic!  When can I pick you up, want to get as much time with you as possible.  Ps make sure you wear really warm and snuggly clothes!  Harry xxx_

 

He had to wait longer for Louis to reply.  But it was more than worth the wait, even if it had been two hours later.

 

_Louis:  Hey Harry.  What day do you want to meet on? Xxx_

 

_Harry:  Friday night?  I could meet you at work? Xxx_

 

_Louis:  Great! Really looking forward to seeing you again.  By the way, don't think I showed enough appreciation for the flowers.  I absolutely love them!  Had to get Michael to give me a lift home because it was soooo big!  Did you leave anything behind in the shop? xxx_

 

_Harry:  Ha!  Funnily enough - none of those!  I'm so happy you like them, took me ages to choose.  Wanted to get you something really special - because you're really special xxx_

 

Louis didn't text back for about forty minutes.  Harry couldn't help but feel nervous.  Had he said something wrong?  Was he trying too hard?  Was he worried over nothing?

His phone beeped, and Harry pretty much dived head first onto the floor to pick it up.

 

_Louis:  This is awkward.  You don't have to go to that much trouble....I mean for me..._

 

Harry frowned.  Shit.  He had upset him.  How was a mystery to him, but he felt nervous.

 

 _Harry:  It wasn't any trouble at all.  I love the thought that I make you smile.  Please don't feel awkward.  I'm sorry if I said too_ _much too soon xxx_

 

Before Harry could even send the text, his phone beeped.  Louis had text him again.

 

_Louis:  Sorry, I sounded like an ungrateful prat.  I'm really sorry, I'm just not that special.  Just don't want you to get your hopes up. xxx_

 

_Harry:  Babe, don't worry about it.  However, I do think you're very special and I can't wait to get to know you better.  Is it wrong that I'm wishing tomorrow was Friday because I want to see you sooner? xxx_

 

Louis lay on top of his bed, wriggling with happiness, he smile so wide his cheeks were starting to hurt.Harry Styles had just called him 'Babe'!

He just couldn't get his head around everything, he was actually arranging an actual date with Harry!  Harry had sent  _him_ flowers at work!  Harry had asked him out!  Harry had called him  _special_!  

 

"Hello darling" Jay greeted him, knocking gently on his door before peeping her face in, momentarily stunned by the sheer delight that was etched all over her baby boys face "That's a happy face!" she commented, lips twitching into a huge beaming smile that matched her sons "Oh my!" she exclaimed setting eyes on the flowers that Louis had carefully arranged in their full glory on top of his desk 'Where did these beauties come from?"  she stepped closer and inhaled deeply, closing her eyes as the exquisite fragrance.

"Mum you won't believe what's happening to me!" almost screeched Louis, thumping the duvet next to him for her to sit down "Actually, read the card first!" he demanded thrusting the card out to her that he had not let leave his side all day.

Looking quite bemused, Jay took the card her son handed her.  She glanced at the card, eyes skating over the words, then looked closer, re-reading them slower.

"Who's Harry?" she asked, racking her brain to think if Louis had ever mentioned a Harry before.  As far as she knew, Louis wasn't interested in anyone at the moment.  The only Harry spoken of was the one in that band that he was obsessed with - and it wouldn't be him.

 

"Harry Styles!" squeaked Louis, jumping up and down on the bed in excitement "Harry Styles sent me them!  We're going on a date on Friday!"

 

Jay tried to keep a smile on her face, but inside her heart was sinking.  Her poor little boy.  She knew how tough it had been for him with his past relationships and his difficulty finding friends - but she didn't think it had gotten so bad that he'd start making things up.  Had he sent these flowers to himself?  She wondered what to do, should she play along?  Or would that only make things worse.

"When did you meet Harry baby?" she asked "You never told me about this"

 

Louis was literally bouncing up and down on his seat, grabbing his phone and shoving it in her face.

"He came into the shop!" he was saying, breathless with excitement "Wanted a diabetes assessment, got chatting, he took me to lunch - that's where the photo was taken!  He took it!  Took one on _his own phone too!_  Then he asked for _my_ number!   _My_ number mum!  And he gave me _his_!   _And_ then he sent these to my work today!  Aren't they gorgeous!  I really like him mum!  He is so much nicer in real life!  Oh my god mum!  I'm going _on a date with Harry_!  He's been texting me tonight!  He called me _babe_!"

 

Jay stared at amazement of the photo.  It was indeed Harry Styles, and there was Louis!  Her Louis!  She felt so guilty.  So bad that she had even questioned her babies sanity, only just for a minute.  How bad a mother must she be to even consider that he could be lying.  But it just seemed so impossible!

"I'm speechless!" she said finally, feeling so much emotion as excitement and happiness radiated out of Louis.  The Louis she used to know so many years ago that it had been easy to forget he had ever been such a little bundle of energy like he was now.

"Let me go and make us a cup of tea" she smiled, knowing she had to leave the room before her tears of happiness and relief made their appearance "And you can tell me every single tiny detail of what's been happening with you!"

Louis nodded eagerly. 

"I'm just gonna text Harry back" he stated, rolling onto his stomach and looking intently at his phone "Hey mum!" he called her back, grinning at her in the mischievous way that he used to look at her when he was a little boy "I'm gonna text Harry Styles!"

 

Jay couldn't help it.  As she boiled the kettle for their tea, and got their special mugs ready, a single happy tear slid down her smiling cheek.  Even if it was just for a brief time, she'd finally got to see this side of her beautiful, brightest little boy  - the side of him, that after so many years, she had been terrified that she'd lost forever.  She couldn't even describe how happy she was feeling.  She was so happy for her baby.

She couldn't wait to call William and tell him all about the exciting new developments.  She just knew that he would be as happy for Louis as she was.

 

 

 

 

 


	8. Should You Kiss on a First Date?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's taken a few days to update, but I hope it was worth it.
> 
> Thank you so much for all your lovely comments. I love reading your opinions on the story and what you think of the characters. Thank you also for the kudos and the subscriptions and just being really lovely to me :):) Hope you like this chapter :):):)

To say that Harry was nervous about his and Louis' first date would have been an understatement.  

From the moment he received confirmation that it was going ahead, he had dived into action.  He carefully picked out an outfit, packed and repacked his bag.  Made sure he had everything in his Range Rover, that he had written on his list -  then made a new list - of all the last minute things that he was going to get on the day.  He was only slightly concerned about that bit of the plan going wrong - however, he was also prepared with a list of back ups - just in case!

After stopping by Liam's for a much needed pep talk, Harry drove from London to Devon (singing at the top of his voice to his new playlist) on Thursday night - not wanting to chance the weekend traffic on Friday, and checked into their local Premier Inn.  

It was much more basic than what he was used to, but it had a bed, a hot shower and a hair dryer- which was all he really needed.  Just one more sleep and it would be Friday, then it would be just a few (probably painfully long) hours, and then he would finally be going on his date with Louis!

 

Louis awoke on Friday morning, knowing it was just a normal Friday- but, as the excited butterflies in his stomach were telling him, it felt more like Christmas Day - only much more exciting!

Work was hectic as normal, but the hours were going far too slowly and silly little mistakes were creeping into his work, being too distracted by watching the clock than to properly read what was written on the prescriptions.

"Why don't you go and get ready?" suggested Wendy kindly about an hour before he was due to finish work - rushing to snatch his hand away from the computers mouse, to stop him from transmitting an order for three hundred packets of 'melatonin' capsules (at £67. Per bottle) instead of three "You will be more use to me being out of this room sweetheart- you're driving me crazy!" But there was her joking wink, and Louis no longer felt guilty about how much of a burden he was being.

Giving her a big kiss on the cheek, Louis scampered off to the locker room to get changed.

He had spent a long time with his mum deciding what he should wear that would look really good and also fit Harry's criteria of being warm and snuggly.

After discarding half of his wardrobe and complaining about everything his mum suggested - Louis finally took his mums advice and tried on her first suggestion of navy blue skinny jeans, a white scoop necked t-shirt, cream thick knitted jumper and a soft navy knitted beanie with black vans.  He had to admit (silently and to himself) that his mum had been right all along.

The main difference with tonight though was that he was wearing contacts instead of his usual glasses.

"You should show off those eyes baby" his mum had said fondly "They look so beautiful and those frames just distract people from properly seeing them"

 

"All ready?" Asked Amy, slipping into the locker room "Wow, you look great!" she complimented before starting to fuss with his hair "Charlotte's gonna be up in a sec to sort your face out"

What's wrong with my face!" Exclaimed Louis, worriedly rushing to the mirror and peering at it "Amy! Why would you say that?"

Amy laughed, pulled his hands away from where he was prodding at his cheeks and began putting some wax into his hair "Just so you have a little texture if you take your hat off" she explained to him.

Amy was just easing his hat into his head and making sure that his fringe was sticking out in an attractive 'I just shoved a hat on my head and this happened' fashion, when Charlotte came through the door making 'aww' noises.

"What the hell are you doing with that?" Exclaimed Louis, backing himself up against the wall as Charlotte moved towards him with a make up sponge that she had just dabbed in concealer "I am not wearing make up on my date with Harry!"

"It's just a little brighter" Charlotte soothed, reaching out and grasping the back of his head with her hand whilst dabbing the sponge on Louis' cheek bones.

"Watch the hat!" Amy squealed "Louis sit still"

"I have make up on my face!" Louis muttered, watching warily as Charlotte took on a new approach - by brandishing a mascara wand "Are you out of your mind?" He squeaked "Are you trying to kill me!"

"It's waterproof and only one fine coat" promised Charlotte, ignoring all of Louis' protests "Really make your eyes pop"

Louis begrudgingly admitted that his eyes did look a bit better than before.  His eyelashes were already long and luxurious, but the small dab of black made them look extra special.

"What time is he picking you up?" Asked Michael in his relaxed, casual way coming in to collect his bag and absentmindedly sticking the label of his jumper back inside "Want me to wait with you?"

Louis hugged Amy and Charlotte goodbye promising he would be texting them on the numbers they had exchanged recently, and went with Michael to say goodnight to Wendy.

"Have an amazing time" she told him, affectionately stroking his fringe "and don't be too good!" She cheekily reminded him "After all it is Harry Styles!"

They walked out together, Louis in the middle.  Before she left them to walk around to the car park, Wendy gave Louis one last hug goodbye "Gorgeous" she reminded him "And he's the lucky one! Remember that!"

it was only 5:30pm and it was already dark outside.

"You don't have to wait with me" Louis told Michael "I'll be alright until Harry gets here"

"Its dark Lou" Michael stated the obvious looking around at the deserted street "Besides..." a twinkle appeared in his eye "I promised your "mother" I'd stay with you"

"Thanks dad!" Louis tried to sound sarcastic, but suddenly he was way too nervous to properly concentrate.  Did he look okay?  Did he smell nice?  

"You're fidgeting" Michael commented again sounding ver casual and relaxed as he lent back against the wall of the bank "You're going to have a....."

 

"Louis?"

Louis' heart leapt into his throat as he heard Harry's deep, oh so sexy, gravelly voice just feet away from where he was standing.

"Harry!" He knew he sounded high pitched, but he didnt even care.  Harry was here!

"I'll see you soon" Michael patted Louis on the shoulder "Harry" he stuck his hand out, which Harry shook

"Michael?" He sort of remembered.

Michael smiled and nodded "Nice to see you again.  Have a good evening"

"Bye dad" muttered Louis only half aware of what he had just said as he watched the pharmacist disappear around the corner towards the car park.  Once gone, his eyes were fully fixed upon Harry, who was standing in front of him looking taller, leaner and more hansome than he had remembered.

Dressed nearly all in black, the tightest, skinniest jeans, close fitting black jumper, with a smart black coat over the top.  He was wearing a black beanie that hid his curls from sight (shame) and his neck was snuggly encased by a peacock blue scarf.  Louis couldn't help but smile as he recognised the battered black boots he'd seen in so many photo shoots.  It crossed his mind to wonder why he wasn't wearing the tan pair he seemed so attached to.

"Dad?" A smile was twitching the corners of his mouth, Louis couldn't stop staring at his voluptuous bottom lip.

"My work dad" Louis explained, blushing as he realised he had actually said that aloud "Wendy is my work mum"

"Aww, that's cute" There wasn't a trace of sarcasm in his words "Can I give you a proper hello now?" Harry asked tentatively stepping closer and holding out his arms.

Louis grinned, nodding enthusiastically as Harry pretty much folded in half, bending down and wrapping his arms around him, hugging him close to his body.

"I was right" Harry murmured slowly into his ear "You are as cuddly as you look"

A warmth filled Louis' insides as he breathed in everything that was Harry and he squeezed back just that little bit tighter.

They broke away, but immediately Harry took his hand, holding it as he led Louis to his Range Rover that was parked just a little way up the road.

Louis didnt pretend he didnt feel the sparks as Harry clutched his hand.  There was such a size difference in hands that they couldn't entwine their fingers properly, but their palms moulded together perfectly.

"We need to drive a little way" Harry was telling him, opening the passenger door and giving Louis a little boost to get him onto the high seat.  Harry hesitated for a few seconds afterwards.  Had that been too patronising that he had pretty much lifted Louis into the car?  

But Louis was feeling elated by the gesture.  

Never, not once in all his previous relationships had anyone bothered to hold a car door open for him, let alone help him into his seat! He actually felt quite special.

"Where are we going?" Louis asked, snapping his seatbelt into place as Harry hopped up into the drivers seat.

"That is a surprise" Harry grinned as he checked his mirrors and drive off, reaching out to hold Louis' hand again over the gear stick.  Louis looked at their hands together, feeling somewhat in awe.  Harry was chatting about something whilst driving, giving him cute little glances now and then.  Harry didn't even drop Louis' hand when they changed gear, instead putting Louis' hand on top of the gear stick and then resting his on top, for Louis this felt so adorably intimate.  It was almost like Harry didn't want to stop touching him.

 

Harry didn't.

From the moment he had watched Louis leave his shop with Michael and Wendy, dressed all snuggly and looking so damn adorable, he'd just wanted to pick him up in his arms and not let him go.  And then he'd hugged him, so close that he could almost feel his heart beating beneath his thick jumper, and it felt....it felt like he had just come home after a long trip.  It just felt right.

 

Harry had no idea what he was blabbering on about as he drove.  It was a wonder he was managing to keep the car on the road, with the amount of sneaky glances he was putting Louis' way.  More than in his rear view mirror that was for sure!

After a good ten minutes of driving along the motorway and through a small town, Harry chose a road that led them away from civilisation.  The roads turned into lanes, fences turned into hedgerows and pretty soon they were driving over cattle gates as they entered the main road that snaked throughout the extensive moorland.

"I'm half loving where this is going" commented Louis watching out of the window as they drove past landmark rock formations and vast areas filled with nothing except grass, bracken and the occasional sleeping sheep "Im half worried you're gonna kill me and this is where you're gonna bury my body!"

 

Harry laughed and gave his small hand a little squeeze.  As if he would ever do that.

"It's just about here" Harry drawled, parking his car in a small grassy patch "We just have to walk a little way..." He indicated somewhere in the distance "...do you trust me?"

 

'More than anyone in my life' Louis thought, staring into those deep soulful green eyes, and wondering that he would possibly jump off a cliff if those particular eyes were to tell him to.

Hopping out of the car and walking swiftly around to the passenger door which Harry opened, and held his arms out for Louis to grab hold of and hop down.  

Slamming the door shut, Harry led him around to the boot where he rummaged around, throwing a large rucksack on his back and clutching a large rolled up blanket under one arm.

"Just need one more thing.." he muttered "Ah ha!" Happily Harry pulled something out of the boot, turning to Louis and slipping something like a headband over the top of his beanie.  Louis could feel something on his forehead.  A small concentration frown later, and a bright light beamed out from the head torch Harry had strapped to the smaller boys head.

"Perfect" Harry smiled, blinking in the bright light "Come on babe, not far now"

 

'Babe' Louis positively melted.

 

"You're the only person I've brought here before" Harry told him as he led him through some overgrown bushes and down a narrow, almost hidden path "it's one of my favourite places"

"How did you find it?" Louis asked, the torch beam sweeping as he looked around his surroundings.  He'd been to the moors before, he could even see one of the main torrs from his bedroom window, but he'd never been there in the dark.  In other circumstances it would have thought spooky - but with Harry, it just felt mysterious.

"Just stumbled across it" Harry shrugged.  There was no way he was going to admit that he'd searched all around the surrounding area over the years to find the perfect place to take Louis on their first date!  Taking a swift look around him, pausing so quickly that Louis walked straight into the back of him.

"ok wait here a sec, gonna have to help you down this bit - it's a bit steep if you don't know exactly where you're going"

Harry ducked out of sight through a large mound of bracken and heather, leaving Louis standing on the path way.  For so late in the year it wasn't too cold an evening, but Louis was very pleased he was wearing his hat and thickest jumper.  Harry had barely been gone a minute before he was back at Louis' side minus the back pack and blanket.

"Tread carefully" he warned, taking his hand once more "Keep your torch trained on the ground and hold on to me"

Louis kept night and close to Harry as he was led through the undergrowth, his nose almost touching the back of Harry's coat.  It was only a small slope, but it was quite steep and wasn't exactly a path.

"Wow" Louis breathed as they emerged into a small sunken clearing.  He wasn't sure why, but there was something about how still everything was, how quiet, how peaceful.  It just felt so magical.

"You haven't seen anything yet" Harry whispered into his ear "Come on" and beckoned with his head to follow him.

With a big smile on his face, Harry led Louis into the middle of the clearing.  The short wiry grass was short and springy under their feet which Harry covered a portion of with the thick blanket, falling to his knees and taking various items out of his rucksack including a small camping stove, small frying pan and various paper bags.

"I really wanted to cook you dinner" Harry told Louis as he tinkered with the stove "But I have no kitchen down here, so instead of candle light, we'll eat by star light...and torch light" he added with a crooked smile.

The disbelief of how much effort Harry was putting in just for him only increased as he began cooking the mini sausages, bacon and mushrooms that he had carefully packed in the paper bags "fresh from the market" he proudly told Louis who was gazing at him with open adoration, not sure whether he was salivating from the smell of the food or the sight of Harry prodding it with a spatular!

Whilst the food cooked, they chatted about what they liked to eat.  Louis had to remind himself to actually talk, being so content just to sit there and listen to Harry's voice, which in his opinion, was as rich and smooth as a chocolate waterfall.

When it was done to Harry's satisfaction, he carefully divided the contents of the pan between four freshly baked soft white rolls, handing the first two to Louis on a paper plate.

Louis did his best not to moan too loudly as he took his first bite.  It tasted delicious - and Harry had cooked it specially for him.

 

Harry finished first, placing his plate to the side of the blanket and lying back, ignoring the scattering of picturesque stars above him, tucking one folded arm under his head, and watching Louis sucking the remaining grease off his fingers.  How was it possible that Louis was so beautiful?  The sparse skin showing was silvery in the moonlight, shadows enhancing the sharp angles of his cheekbones.  A cheeky little grin washed over his face as he became aware of Harry's eyes on him, and it could have been why the last finger he licked was sucked that little bit harder into his mouth and let it go with a pronounced pop when he withdrew it from between his lips.

Harry laughed, shaking his head and turned his gaze up into the sky.

Louis followed suit, laying down inches apart from him, tilting his head so that he was resting it gently against Harry's shoulder.  Switching the head torch off to fully appreciate the night sky.

"It's so perfect" Louis breathed, turning onto his side and slipping his hand and arm across Harry's waist, leaning his cheek fully upon Harry's shoulder.  He felt Harry tense up, but seconds later, Harry's arm was wrapped snuggly around his back, his hand stroking the smaller boys shoulder.

"Thank you so much for tonight" Louis whispered into Harry's ear, not wanting to speak too loudly in case he somehow damaged the moment.  It had just been a dream.  A perfect, romantic, beautiful dream.  He stared up at the sky in awe as the stars above him twinkled, feeling Harry's tummy rise and fall as he breathed, full of delicious food and so comfortable that he never wanted to get up ever again.

"Did you really like it?" Harry turned his face, automatically pressing a kiss onto Louis' forehead before he'd even registered that he'd done it.

In a split second, Louis lifted his head off Harry's shoulder, looking at him in utter astonishment, still feeling the gentle pressure of those lips on his skin.

"It's been perfect" Louis insisted, deep and honest cobalt eyes searching longing and hungry jade ones.  Looking back, Louis had no idea how he had managed to pluck up the courage, it wasn't planned, he hadn't thought it through.  But right there in the little hidden sunken clearing of the moors, under a dark sky awash with stars and silvery moonlight, Louis trusted every instinct he felt inside him, and very slowly and delicately, leaned forward and pressed his lips to Harry's.


	9. Last First Kiss

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little bit shorter than usual, but I will make it up with the next chapter :):) Thank you for all the lovely comments and kudos! They are really much appreciated!

Kisses.  In just a few short years Louis had experienced a lot of kisses, each one considerably different from the last.  

His first one had been awkward - not really sure how to breathe properly and paranoid that he didn't taste nice.  He had kept turning his head to the side, trying to hide his embarrassment, hoping the other guy didn't realise it was his first.

Reece had been as dominant and over powering as he had been in the bedroom and just as unsatisfying.  He had never kissed Louis just to kiss him - to Reece, kissing was just his way of saying he wanted sex.

Ian was a bland and boring kisser. It hadn't felt like that at the time, but Louis had been so numb from his painful rejection from Reece that anything would have been better than nothing.  When he looked back on the relationship with Ian, the main parts he could remember was them fighting and then him giving in and letting Ian kiss him.  Louis' mouth would go slack, making the appropriate movements, but not putting any feeling into them.  "Are we ok?" Ian would ask him, in a pathetic, whiney little voice that made Louis cringe.  Louis would nodd half heartedly "I hope so..." Ian would follow up in the same tone - Ugh... It made his skin crawl...the thought of kissing Ian at all made his skin crawl!

Then there was Mitchell.  Passion from Louis, lukewarm from his boyfriend.  Louis gave it everything he had in him, Mitchell took.  Just like their entire relationship.

Then there had been all the people in between.  Drunken kisses, friendly kisses, boring kisses, hot kisses, ones he would feel for days, ones he wanted to forget about the second they were over.  

But from all the kisses he'd ever experienced, Louis realised that he had never experienced a proper kiss before he'd shared one with Harry.

 

The moment Louis pressed his lips to Harry, a jolt of white hot flame erupted from within Louis' chest.  From almost beneath him, he felt Harry respond - first a sharp intake of surprise through his nose, momentarily stunned.  For a split second Louis wondered if he'd made a mistake, but then he heard a low needy hum as Harry pressed his lips back against Louis'.

Though at times Louis had imagined kissing Harry - when he was alone in bed at night, listing to him sing through his iPod on the way to work, or just a happy thought to get him through the day - nothing could have prepared him for the sheer bombardment of emotions he would feel as his lips touched Harry's for the first time.

The tip of Harry's tongue lightly touching the middle of Louis' bottom lip was as welcome as an ice cube on the back of his neck on a boiling hot day.

Without a split second of hesitation, Louis parted his lips ever so slightly, willing, with every electrified nerve ending within his heated flesh, for Harry to slip his tongue inside.

From past experience he was expecting it to be forceful, dominant and intimidating - even from Harry - but instead....

He felt Harry shift, swiftly but with a hint of nervousness, the hand that had been stroking his shoulder slid up his neck to cup his head, turning his body onto his side and bringing his left arm around Louis' upper torso, cupping the other side of his head, effectively cradling it his hands, encouraging Louis to lay back fully into his strong arms, his head perfectly supported by Harry's large hands.

Only then did Harry, who was slightly hovering himself over him, sweetly, gently, lovingly (?), deepened the already heart melting kiss by licking softly into his mouth.

Harry's tongue was a feather light caress against Louis' who let out a small whine, overwhelmed by the intensity of affection that was being bestowed upon him, for possibly the first time in his life.

Louis' ran his hands from where he was holding Harry's hips, up and across his broad back and across his shoulder blades.  Even over his thick coat and jumper he could still feel Harry's well defined muscles rippling beneath his fingers, which he traced up his slender, scarf covered neck, teasing his fingers under his hat to where his beautiful curls lay hidden.

Mouths moulded together, with his fingers in Harry's hair, Harry's leg slipping between his own, Louis realised that how he felt right now was exactly the same as a song that he'd heard Harry sing over and over.

There was no doubt about it, Louis wanted Harry to be his 'Last First Kiss'.


	10. Waiting Outside Your House Because I Miss You

"I should get you in the warm" Harry murmured raggedly against Louis' lips, feeling the smaller boy shiver quite dramatically beneath him "Sorry, I got carried away"

Slowly he pulled away, his fingers ghosting over Louis cold cheek.  

"Im fine" Louis tried telling him, leaning up to catch his kiss swollen lips in another kiss, but a violent shiver and the sound of his teeth chattering gave him away.

Immediately, Harry sat up, stripping himself of his coat and scarf to wrap Louis up in them.  The cold air made him wince, but he hated seeing Louis so cold.  It hadn't been too cold that night, and the sunken clearing had taken away the wind chill, but it was still too cold to be lying outside for such a long time.

The last thing Harry had expected had been for Louis to kiss him.  He was hoping for a good night kiss at the very most- but the feeling of Louis pressing his lips to his, was more than he could have ever possibly imagined.  And he had imagined it so many times over the years that he'd lost count.

"I wish we didn't have to go" Louis was saying, touching his lips with his fingers as Harry quickly packed everything up "Tonight was amazing"

Harry hoisted the rucksack onto his back, biting back a groan as he saw Louis standing, swamped in his coat and scarf.  It was a little too big on him, but Louis was so much smaller he was almost drowning in it, having to roll the cuffs up about four times so his hands were free.

"We'll come back" Harry promised, bringing his hands to Louis' face and kissing him as gently as he could, not wanting to convey how hot he thought the sight of Louis wearing his clothes was to him.  How he was wondering how he would look just wearing one of his t-shirts and nothing else!

"You want to see me again?" Louis sounded surprised and a little lightheaded, as through the idea was completely incredulous.

Harry on the other hand thought out was incredulous that Louis had to even ask!  If it was up to him, Louis would never leave his side - ever!

They walked back to the car quickly, Harry hoisting Louis up into his seat before hopping in and turning the heating on full blast.  He knew he would have to take him home, being that it was now in the early hours of Saturday morning - how time had flown by.  

"I have to go back tomorrow" he told Louis regretfully, wondering how he was going to be able to function just one day without seeing him "can I see you some more before I go?"

"Every second?" Louis asked timidly, lifting his tiny hand to brush a stray curl away that had snuck out from the front of his hat.  Harry nuzzled his face into his touch, closing his eyes briefly before turning abruptly, cupping Louis' face in his hands and kissing him once more, feeling more needy and longing for the boys touch than he had ever felt for anyone else he had ever been seeing.  He loved how his lips felt as they moved between his thinner, pinker ones, loved how Louis anticipated him wanting to feel his tongue against his and slightly opened his mouth without being asked, loved how Louis wrapped his hands around his neck, displacing his hat to run his fingers through his hair.

"I'll pick you up tomorrow" Harry promised, speaking into Louis' neck as he cuddled him "Want to spend as much time with you as possible"

He could feel Louis nodding.  Regretfully pulling away, and strapping his seat belt on, Harry reached for Louis' hand - which was already sat waiting on top of the gear stick.  Why was it so hard to take him home?

Pulling up outside Louis' house, they shared one last kiss - which turned into another one and another one and then was just one long desperate make out session, holding each other so awkwardly across the two seats.

"Thanks for the coat" Louis breathed, looking distinctly disheveled and red cheeked as he put it carefully into the back seat.  He went to take off the scarf, but Harry was quick to stop him.

"Keep it" he insisted, smiling at the thought of Louis wearing it when he wasn't around "Lt looks better on you - really brings out the colour in your eyes"

Then it was one last kiss.  Harry helped Louis out of the car, insisting on walking him to the door - even though it was only a matter of meters away from the car.  Then one more hug, one more kiss, and Harry was headed back to his hotel alone and wishing he was somewhere else entirely.

 

Louis shut the front door behind him, leaning back against it with a sleepy, dreamy smile plastered on his face.  If there was ever a night where he wanted to remember every single moment it was this one.  Nothing was ever going to top tonight.

With his index finger, he carefully touched his slightly swollen lips, still being able to feel the slight throb from where Harry's had been attached to them, only minutes before.  It just felt so long ago already.

"Lou?"

Louis snapped out of his thoughts, heading his mum call out to him from her bedroom.  Louis went straight away, opening the bedroom door next to his and leaning against the door frame.

Jay was snuggled down in bed with a large cuddly toy dog that Louis and William had got her for a birthday present when they were little - and had gotten along!

"Did you have a good time boo?" She asked sleepily "Did you just get back?  It's late"

Louis couldn't hide the grin he had been holding back and sat down heavily on the vacant side of the bed, lying down on his side, his cheek resting on the back of his hand.

"It was perfect" he breathed, hardly believing that it had actually happened.  Almost bubbling over with excitement, Louis recounted most of the evening.  He carefully left out the details of the many kisses - but of course he told her that it had happened.  After all, she was his best friend and they told each other everything.

"I really like him" Louis pointlessly told her after he had gushed about how romantic and thoughtful and caring and sweet Harry had been the entire night, emphasising on how he had been helped into the car and lent his coat and scarf when he got cold.

"He sounds like a lovely boy boo" Jay smiled warmly, loving seeing how happy her baby was "Did you forget to give him back the scarf?" She asked, watching how Louis had snuggled his nose into the soft looking material.

"He gave it to me" 

"Be careful baby"

"what do you mean?" Louis frowned, why was his mum worried about him?  Harry was wonderful and he was making him so happy, why did he need to be careful?

"You're falling for him boo, I can tell.  Just be careful, I don't want you to get hurt"

"Harry won't hurt me mum" Louis insisted, breathing in the musky, sensuous smell of Harry that clung to the fibres of his scarf.

"He'd better not" Jay smiled and cuddled down a bit more with her dog "Are you seeing him again?"

Louis stood up and stretched his tired muscles knowing he should get some sleep.

"Later today.  He goes home tomorrow" Louis hated that thought, the words leaving a bitter taste in his mouth.

"Sleep well baby.  I'll wake you before I go to Nana and Grandpas in the morning"

Louis kissed his mum on the cheek and floated off to his bed, stripping of all his clothes except his boxers and Harry's scarf.  If he couldn't cuddle Harry as he slept, the scarf was the next best thing.  

Before he closed his eyes to sleep, he switched his phone back on and went to charge it.

Almost instantly two messages from Harry pinged up.

 

Harry (02:15):  you have no idea how much I loved spending time with you tonight.  Call me as soon as you wake up, I can't wait to see you again xxx

 

Harry (02:45):  it's only been 40 mins since I dropped you off and I miss you already! Sleep well babe xxx

 

Giddily, Louis typed back his reply, he wanted to stay awake and see if Harry text back, but as soon as he shut his eyes, he was fast asleep.

 

Louis (03:02):  I really miss you too.  Come over as soon as you wake up, tonight was probably the best night of my life, thank you for making it so perfect xxx

 

Louis awoke early on purpose.  Thanks to a lot of late night gaming and early morning starts at work, he was accustomed to only needing four to five hours sleep, and he really wanted to look his best to see Harry.  Debating on what time was appropriate to call him, Louis took a long shower, blow drying his hair, trying to ignore the bubbles of excitement popping in his stomach.

Just as he was reaching for his phone a text chimed out.

Harry (08:58):  are you awake yet?

Louis: (08:59) yes

Harry (08:59) ready?

Louis: (09:00): Just about to call you

Harry (09:00):  Front door babe

 

The exact moment Louis read the text, the doorbell rang.  Feeling his  stomach swoop with excitement, Louis ran to the door, almost skidding on the door mat in his haste, and threw open the front door to reveal a very well put together Harry grinning at him, hands stuck in his coat pockets, hair pulled back with a karki green scarf looking breath taking as always and making Louis feel like a tramp in the process.

"How long have you been here?" Louis demanded, almost tripping off the door step as launched himself on the boy, too excited to see him that he didnt care how desperate he looked for a hug.  Harry was here and he wanted one!

"About an hour" Harry managed to extract his hands from his pockets quick enough to stop the beautiful boy from face planting the concrete driveway, wrapping his arms around him and pressing a kiss to the top of his fluffy warm hair, catching a powerful smell of geranium in the process "wanted to be here as soon as you were ready"

"I would have..." Louis got a mouthful of coat as he spoke and would have continued to say that if he had known he would have been ready quicker, but that was the moment his mum had chosen to dart out of the kitchen to say hello.

"Harry, lovely to meet you" she said shaking the hand Harry offered her "I won't keep you" she swallowed a laugh as Louis was trying to both untangle himself from the one arm Harry still had around his waist and negotiate his position on the door step "Just wanted to say hello"

"It's lovely to meet you too" Harry grinned cheerfully as he looked keenly at the happy face of his future mother in law "I was going to take this one out for breakfast" he gave Louis waist a little squeeze which made the smaller boy blush "would you like to join us?" He asked politely.

"Maybe another time" Jay smiled her appreciation of the gesture "Im actually due at my mum and dads. We're going to take a walk along the sea front"

"It's a good day for it" agreed Harry, missing his hand on Louis waist as he darted back into the house, only to reappear moments later with his coat on and Harry's scarf wrapped cosily around his neck.

 

Jay tried not to look too obvious as she watched Harry take Louis' hand as they walked to his Range Rover, held open the door for him and boosted him into his seat.  He really was a proper gentleman and she had forgotten how happy her baby boy could look.  Maybe this was the start of something great.

 

The boys drove into town and straight to costa's since Louis was hankering for a Black Forest mocha, and Harry wanted to give Louis whatever he liked.

They had just ordered their drinks, with Louis shoving Harry's money out of the way to put his card in the machine when he heard his name called.

Turning around abruptly, feeling a little disoriented because Harry's fingers had started to massage the back of his neck, Louis spotted Amy and Charlotte sitting at the back, who were waving him over.

With Harry carrying their tray of drinks, they joined them, both girls immediately getting up to hug Louis.

"Harry, this is Amy and Charlotte" Louis introduced as he indicated to the girls in turn "We work together.  This is Harry"

"Well duh" giggled Amy, her trademark wide cheeky smile on full display "We all know who Harry is.  It's great to meet you"

Harry smiled a little awkwardly, passing Louis the huge bowl shaped mug to put on the table I'm front of him, leaning back on the settee and stretching an arm along the length of the back of it, hoping that it would be seen as an invitation for Louis to lean back into his frame so he could put said arm around his shoulders.

Not getting the hint, Louis sat on the edge of his seat, hunched over his mug, talking animatedly about a party Charlotte was having that he had obviously been invited to.

Harry zoned out of the conversation, beginning to stroke the little soft wisps of hair on his neck, coaxing him to sit back, relaxing into his side.  Fully putting his arm around Louis, he gave him a little kiss on the side of his hair, was it possible that everything he had been dreaming about for so long was actually coming true?  They were just having breakfast with Louis' friends.  So normal and yet so perfect.  Which was exactly what Harry was craving, something normal.

And Louis was perfect.


	11. Anxiety - Louis' POV

Anxiety.  It was something that was a continuous battle for Louis.  It didn't always show, and some days it didn't effect him at all, but it was always there, somewhere beneath the surface, waiting for a comment, or a wrong glance in his direction. Waves of self doubt would crash into his head, tearing his confidence to shreds and cloud his thoughts with darkness.

Who would have thought that it would rear it's ugly head in the middle of a coffee shop whilst sitting with Amy, Charlotte and Harry, drinking hot chocolate and talking about a party.

 

Charlotte threw a house party on the first Saturday of every month, and according to the people who got invited they were legendary.  Starting early and finishing late - they were the talk of the shop.  Only Louis had no opinion on them - because he had never been invited.

So why was he being invited now? The answer was obvious - it was because he would be bringing Harry.

Louis had always thought that Amy and Charlotte were lovely people.  They always talked to him when they sat in the staff room together, hung out with him at the stores Christmas dinner and always looked happy to see him.  But because he was never once invited to social events, Louis knew they weren't actually his friends.  

But then Harry Styles had invited him for lunch, and there was a change.  They'd helped him look good for his date, they'd gone shopping with him when he needed their help and had actually asked for his number.  But the nagging question prodded at his self esteem like an impatient toddler - was this just because of Harry?

When Charlotte had first asked him to come that evening, Louis' mouth had almost fallen open in amazement, not entirely sure if he'd heard correctly.  He thought he'd disguised his surprise well, nodding enthusiastically along with the girls who were discussing what cocktails they were going to make.

On the inside however, Louis was in turmoil.  It had been a while since he had been in a social situation, just alone be in one with someone who he admired and liked so much and was desperate for them to like him in return.  For the millionth time he wished he could be more like William, the biggest, most social butterfly he had ever known.  William used to go to more parties than he used to be at home - Louis had only ever been as someone's plus one.  

What was he going to wear? What could he drink? What if a everything had vodka in it?  After his...incident...a few years ago, he had promised his mum faithfully that he would never drink vodka again.  Of course, the girls and Harry had no idea about what had happened to him, but what if they asked questions?  What if they thought he was boring?  What if...?

Louis hunched himself over his hot drink, one arm clamped over his stomach as he tried to hold his insides in the right place and keep up his cheerful attitude at the same time.

Finger tips.  Harry's fingers were playing with his hair.  Louis felt his eyes close ever so slightly, tilting his head just a little so that more of his scalp was being scratched with those calming touches, the dark mist that had started to erode his soul disaparating into cooling wisps as he slowly eased himself back against the back of his seat, preferring to lean against Harry's warm, strong body than the back of the settee.

It was like Harry knew that Louis needed comfort, for his arm slid around his shoulders and chaste kiss pressed into his hair.  Calm.  Harry made him feel calm - he still made him feel nervous, slightly dorky and ugly and always paranoid about how there couldn't possibly be enough in him to hold Harry's interest - but Harry was so good for him.  He didn't think he would ever be so comfortable with someone - especially the one person who he had idolised for such a long time...it just didn't feel real.

Another arm appeared out of nowhere wrapping it around his waist and pulling him back further into Harry's frame.  Louis smiled blissfully, completely unaware of Amy snapping a quick picture of the pair of them, his anxious thoughts long forgotten.

After saying goodbye and getting directions to Charlotte's house, Louis took Harry on a quick tour of the town.  There wasn't that much to see and they ended up walking through the park, Louis snuggled under Harry's arm with his tucked around his waist under Harry's coat.  They kissed on a park bench, Louis sat on Harry's lap, his little hands holding his beautiful face, thumbing his cheek bones and giggling when passers by wolf whistled at them.

Louis was surprised how much they had to talk about, and how little of it actually being related to One Direction - Louis' most knowledgable topic - and the more they talked about hobbies, films, likes and dislikes, the less Louis thought about how he was spending time with Harry Styles from One Direction.  By the time Harry dropped Louis back to his house to get ready for the party, Harry Styles was just Harry - an extremely intelligent, sweet, caring, funny, handsome boy who Louis was falling completely in love with. 

"I'll be back for you in an hour" Harry promised, his lips leaving Louis' just a fraction of an inch before before sinking his teeth into his bottom lip, applying pressure to Louis' lower back to push him even closer into his body "Maybe forty five minutes"

"Just come back as soon as you can" Louis knew it was only a matter of hours before Harry had to leave him and go back to work - something he tried not to think about - and he wanted to spend as much time with him as possible.  As many cuddles, as many kisses as he was allowed to have.  Because once Harry left, who knew if he would ever come back?  What if he met someone else?  Someone who was taller, with better looks and more substance?

"Babe?"

Harry was pulling away from him slightly, concern flickering through his eyes, creasing up his forehead.

"Hmm?" Louis murmured, he didnt like the expression on Harry's face.  It worried him.

"Where did you go?" Harry asked, tilting Louis' face up with his index finger and briefly touching his lips to Louis' "You zoned out for a second"

"You should go" Louis ignored the question, but gave Harry a big kiss, hoping the small spark of hurt flashing across his features was just his imagination "I want you to come back quicker"

Harry looked unconvinced, but let go of Louis as he got his keys out of his bag "I'll be half an hour" he told him, giving him one last kiss before departing to his car.

 

Half an hour.  Only half an hour and Harry would be back.  Louis would be fine.  He just needed to get dressed and try not to think about everything he was worried about.  Everything would be fine.

So why didnt he believe it?

He spent five minutes smoking outside.  He hasn't had a cigarette since Friday lunch time, making his head rush that little bit more extreme.  It wasn't worth it.  It made him paranoid at how he smelt, but didnt stop him from chain smoking three.

There was nothing good enough clothes wise in his wardrobe.  Everything was too geeky or casual.  And he wanted to look amazing.  He wanted to look like someone who deserved to be hanging out with all the cool people, and he wanted to look hot for Harry.  He wanted to look like William.

With that flash of inspiration, Louis abandoned his search in his own wardrobe and went straight to William's bedroom to see if he had left anything decent behind.

Success.  In the shape of a tight black shirt with silver detail and a newish pair of black jeans.  Both stupidly expensive brands and probably only been worn once.  William had too many clothes.

Thinking back to how Louis had seen William dress when he went out, he grabbed the hair straighteners to heat up whilst he dressed and painstakingly styled his hair into what he hoped was a sophisticated quiff.  It worked for his twin so why not?

A good covering of William's favourite aftershave later and Louis looked at himself in the mirror, wishing he didnt look so awkward and picking faults in his appearance.  Why did he have to look so damn ugly and unattractive?  William wasn't, so why was he?

Nervously he checked his watch.  Thirty minutes had passed and no sign of Harry.  Had he decided not to come?  Had he got angry because Louis told him to go?  He needed another cigarette.  He needed calm.  He needed Harry.

Puffing on his forth cigarette in forty minutes, Louis kept his eyes trained on the phone in his hand.  Watching, waiting.  Forty five minutes passed, he had a fifth cigarette, fifty minutes.  After his sixth, he made himself go back inside to brush his teeth and check his hair.  Still nothing.

When it was one hour and three minutes, the door bell rang, Louis' nerves on their last threads.

Finally!  Harry was back!

Running to the door, he swung it back revealing a very harassed looking Harry, looking even more handsome than usual in a dark blue shirt and his trademark skinny jeans with black boots.  His shirt was mostly unbuttoned, showing off his incredibly toned chest and butterfly tattoo.  Louis had to physically stop himself from reaching out to touch it.

"Im so sorry im late baby" Harry immediately apologised pulling Louis into his arms "The traffic was really bad" he held Louis at arms length, his eyes raking down the length of Louis' body, and with an appreciative groan pulled him back into a long, passionate kiss that left Louis breathless.

"You look incredible baby" Harry breathed into his lips "I look like shit compared to you"

Louis bit back his self deprecating retort.  This boy didnt half talk a load of crap sometimes.

Clinging on to Louis' tiny hand, Harry led to the way to the car, helping him into his seat as always before getting in himself.

"Im kinda nervous" Harry admitted, looking a little bashful "I mean, I don't know any of these people, and...er...what if they don't like me?"

Louis' face was a picture of astonishment.

"They will love you!" He exclaimed, grabbing hold of Harry's hand and kissing the back of it roughly whilst staring at Harry adoringly "Haz I probably won't know many people and trust me, you're the only one who I really want to hang out with!"

Harry couldn't help but glow at the way the nickname 'Haz' just slid out of Louis' mouth, like it was the most natural thing in the world.  He squeezed Louis' small hand tightly.  

"Promise not to let go of me tonight?" He asked softly, fixating a soft warm gaze on Louis' intense eyes "I'll feel much better knowing that you'll look after me"

"Of course I'll look after you!" Louis exclaimed forgetting his own discomfort in haste to reassure the amazing boy sat next to him "We'll stick together the whole night and if you feel really uncomfortable we can just go.  They will love you though" he reaffirmed quietly "I promise Hazza.  Don't worry"

Harry beamed, taking the opportunity at being stuck at the traffic lights to lean over and give Louis a quick kiss.  

"You're amazing" he told Louis honestly, gripping at his hand over the gear stick "I am so lucky to have met you Lou"

His words were rewarded with a smile as wide as a rainbow sprinkled with sunshine.  

"Lets stop here for a sec" Harry muttered pulling in to an empty carpark and parking in the most distant corner.

"Why?" asked Louis, looking around him bewildered.

"Because I am really that nervous baby and you relax me" Harry told him, unplugging both of their seat belts and tugging Louis into his lap, leaning him back against the steering wheel and running his hands down from his shoulders to his waist, finally settling them on his hips and capturing Louis' mouth with his own "Kissing you really relaxed me" he explained licking slowly and deliberately into the boys mouth, enjoying the little whines of pleasure coming from the smaller boy who wriggled a little in his lap, wrapping his legs around Harry's torso, fingers automatically playing with his curls.

"Fuck Lou, you're so beautiful" Harry groaned into his ear, as he moved his lips across Louis' cheek, along his jawline and down his neck "What are you doing with me?"

Louis keened, throwing his head back, granting Harry better access to the column of his neck as Harry's sinfully plump lips skittered across his skin.  He felt better already.  The warmth and affection in Harry's attention had banished all negative thoughts away and knowing that Harry was just as nervous as he was made him feel less idiotic and ridiculous.  If Harry was nervous too then it felt like they were in the same boat and could look after each other.  It pleased him no end to know that Harry was relying on him to make him feel good, and if his kisses relaxed him, then who was Louis to deny him...especially as Harry's kisses made him feel invincible!

After about ten minutes of languid yet passionate kissing later, leaving both boys flushed and bright eyed, Louis slid regretfully back into his seat, choosing to stroke Harry's thigh instead of hold his hand,  blissfully watching Harry's concentrated expression as he pulled out of the car park and drove off to their destination.  Harry was so wonderful and perfect- Louis felt like his heart was going to explode from pure happiness.

 

Harry could see out of the corner of his eye that Louis was watching him, biting back a relieved smile.  The hand stroking his thigh was gentle, and Louis had been so pliant and relaxed in his arms when he slid him back into his seat.  

Warm, soft, sparkling eyes made Harry's heart race and that adorable smile turned his insides into mush.  Louis looked happy, relaxed and confident - just what he had been wanting to achieve all evening.

Who knew that Liam and Niall would have given him such good advice!


	12. Anxiety - Harry's POV

Harry didn't yet know Louis as well as he would like, but he had learnt the basics very well by spending time with him, and remembering the little tidbits of information William had casually mentioned here and there over the years.  

Harry couldn't pin point the exact moment it happened, but somewhere in Costa Coffee something had clearly bothered Louis.  It was about the same time as Amy and Charlotte invited him to their party.  To the casual observer, Louis was as cheerful and chatty as ever.  To Harry, there was something not quite right.  It was something about the way he was sitting, hunched over with an arm wrapped tightly around his stomach, his fingers digging into his tiny waist.  Harry started to gently play with his hair, scratching a little on his scalp to remind the boy he was there.

Louis let out a breath that he didnt seem to know he was holding, leaning back into Harry's waiting arms, and although he snuggled into his side, there was something still off.  His usually bright and sparking eyes had dulled, not matching the big smile his face displayed, darting around like he had so many thoughts in his head to be able to concentrate on just one.  

After they had finished,  Harry asked him to take him for a quick tour of the town- making sure to hold Louis close to him, subtly massaging his shoulders to get rid of the knots of tension he could feel.  

Walking through the park, Louis tucked under his arm, Harry couldn't think of another time he'd felt so comfortable and complete with another person.  He had to work a little harder with Louis than he had getting to know other people.  William for example was all yap, yap, yap, telling him more about his life than Harry really needed to know, with an air of someone who knew his self worth and wanted everyone else to know it too.

Louis on the other hand was very much understated, preferring to listen than talk, but when he did speak, it was always worth waiting for.  His opinions were well rounded and thought out, he asked questions that went beyond the surface, and when he was asked something in return he always looked a little bit flattered that someone wanted to know what he thought.

They sat on a park bench, Harry lifting Louis onto his lap, wanting to be looking into his eyes when they talked - although Louis always got shy when Harry asked him to tell him about himself.  Looking down at their entwined hands, shifting around in his lap, speaking so quietly at times that Harry had to almost press his ear against his mouth in order to hear him.

Although he never actually said it in so many words, Harry realised that Louis lived a rather solitary life.  All his hobbies were activities made for one, and the only people he really mentioned were his mum, Wendy and Michael.  There was no mention of friends, nights out, parties, holidays or even his brother.  In fact, if Harry hasn't had known first hand of William, he wouldn't have a clue from talking to Louis that he even existed!

Louis' silent revelations bothered Harry.  It was obvious that sitting on his lap was a very sweet, sensitive, caring boy who had a huge heart.  He could hear it in his tone of voice when he spoke about his mum, and the fond smile he used when he spoke about his 'work parents'.  Then there was the  expression of utter adoration painted across his whole face when Harry talked, hanging on his every word and looking so beautiful and open that Harry abandoned every thought in his head apart from the one that wanted to kiss him...once starting...never wanting to stop.

He loved how he could feel him smiling into his lips, thumbing at his dimples, giggling into his cheek when someone whistled shrilly behind them.  When Louis let his guard down - which turned out to be thanks so some very heated lip locking, Louis was more comfortable to come out of his shell a little further, cracking jokes, bouncing at his side when they walked, a micschevious little smirk playing on his lips as he tickled Harry almost into submission.

It wasn't until Harry suggested taking Louis to get changed for the evening that Louis' smile slipped a couple of notches, his eyes began to dart about like they had done in Costa's, and he fell silent.  

Louis didn't talk much on the drive to his house, but he did hold onto Harry's hand tightly.  Evidently, whatever was going on in his head had nothing to do with Harry.

Before he helped Louis out of the car, Harry pulled Louis into a big cuddle, the tension in his body more apparent than ever as he held himself rigid and stiff in his arms, seemingly unable to relax.

"I'll be back for you in an hour" Harry promised, his lips leaving Louis' just a fraction of an inch before before sinking his teeth into his bottom lip, applying pressure to Louis' lower back to push him even closer into his body "Maybe forty five minutes" He didnt want to leave Louis alone for too long to fester over his thoughts longer than necessary.

"Just come back as soon as you can" Louis asked quietly, he kissed Harry again, but something was wrong because he wasn't kissing Harry with as much gusto as he had previously.  His hands weren't on Harry's back like normal, just dangling still at his sides and his mouth was hardly moving.  

"Babe?" Harry was pulling away from him slightly, concern flickering through his eyes, creasing up his forehead.  Had he done something wrong?  Had he upset Louis and he hadn't realised?  Why was he suddenly not responding to him?

"Hmm?" Louis murmured, breaking  out of the daze he had fell into.

"Where did you go?" Harry asked, tilting Louis' face up with his index finger and briefly touching his lips to Louis' "You zoned out for a second"

Louis' eyes widened marginally

"You should go"

Louis' tone sounded sharp and harsh as he ignored the question.  Harry couldnt help but feel a small stab of offence to his heart at the coolness, but then Louis gave Harry a big kiss, once again confirming that Harry hadn't done anything wrong.

"I want you to come back quicker" Harry hoped he didnt look as unconvinced as he felt, reluctantly letting go of Louis as he got his keys out of his bag "I'll be half an hour" he told him, calculating quickly how much time he would need, before giving him one last kiss before departing to his car.

 

As soon as he got to his hotel room, Harry quickly changed his shirt into something a little less causal, and then sat down on his bed to call Liam.  Whatever was bothering Louis so much, he wanted to fix, but he wanted to get it right first time and to do that he wanted sensible advice - what Liam was famous for!

"Hey Harry!  How's you?" Greeted Liam "How's It going with Louis?"

"It's going great" Harry replied honestly, thinking of how close he and Louis had become in such a short time "But I have a bit of a concern.  Need your advice mate"

"What's the problem?" 

"Louis' been acting a bit off" Harry tried to explain thinking of the reasons he had managed to sum up during the day "He was fine, and then he was invited to a party tonight, and since then whenever it's mentioned, he kinda clams up and well...he's just not himself"

"What's wrong with a party?" Asked Liam, who liked nothing more than a good social gathering "Why would that bother him?"

"I don't know.  I'm thinking he's not very social or something" Harry told him "He's nothing like William" he explained "From what I gather, he doesn't really get out that much"

"Ok..." Liam sounded a little doubtful "Maybe he's just out of his comfort zone and you need to reassure him a bit"

"But how?  I don't want to make it obvious, he's trying to hide it and he hasn't directly told me he's upset.  But I can tell he's really on edge"

"Massage his ego then" came Niall's shout through the phone "Pay him loads of complements.  Make him feel good"

"Maybe make out that you are the one who's nervous" suggested Liam "Then you won't be making it a big deal about what he feels and you'll be on the same level"

"I think he has issues with self confidence" Harry admitted thinking about how quickly Louis withdrew when it came to talking about himself "I don't think he gets much attention on a regular basis...it's really sad Li, he's such an amazing lad and he doesn't realise it at all"

Niall blatantly snatched the phone out of Liam's hand.  He must have been listening in on speaker phone.

"Ok, here's what you do" he told him through a mouthful of something "He doesn't go out much so he's probably going to be nervous about how he looks.  Compliment him.  Tell him he looks amazing.."

"He always does!"

"Doesn't hurt to tell him.  Tell him you are nervous about going.  Is he tactile?"

"Yeah" Harry said slowly thinking of how positively Louis responded to his affectionate touches "Yeah, he seems to calm down a little if I cuddle him or hold his hand"

"Then tell him to hold on to you all night because you need him to" Niall told him "Harry, you know him better than we do.  Figure out how to relax him, and run with it"

Harry fell silent, thinking hard.  The phone switched hands again.

"Just show him a really good time mate" Liam advised him "A few drinks in him and he'll probably be fine.  If he's not then leave.  It's really simple mate.  Just follow his lead"

Harry nodded, saying goodbye and thinking positively.  This wasn't a big deal, and if it turned into one then he'd deal with it.  So why did he keep seeing the image of Louis sleeping in his hospital bed all those years ago?

Fuck!  That must be it! Alcohol intoxication! Why hadn't he thought of it before?  Harry almost smacked himself in the face from being so blind.  Poor Lou.  This must be awful for him - and Harry wasn't supposed to know anything about it....

The traffic was horrific on the way back to Louis', Harry almost tearing his hair out because he'd promised to be back within half an hour and he was letting Louis down.  Slightly out of breath, he rang the door bell, running his fingers through his thick curls trying to tame them.  The sound of running feet made him grin with anticipation at the small bundle of cuteness that was coming his way.

The sight of what actually opened the door was not what Harry was expecting.

For a fraction of a second, Harry was convinced that William had opened the door.  Cosmetically Louis was William - the way his hair was styled, the clothes...Harry was sure he'd hung out with William wearing that exact shirt!  Not wanting Louis to get any negative ideas (and to check that his boy was in fact still there underneath) Harry pulled him into his arms, smelling the very strong smell of William's favourite aftershave, apologising for being late and then held him out in front of him, properly looking at his Louis.  His first thoughts had been wrong.  Louis may be wearing William's clothes and styled his hair exactly like his twin, but William had never looked as mouthwatering and delicious as Louis looked right now.  He groaned out loud, feeling his dick harden as he hungrily kissed him, wishing that instead of taking him to Charlotte's house, he could back him into his house and kiss him all the way into Louis' bed and show him just how insatiable he thought he was!

Reluctantly he pulled himself together, dragging himself as we as Louis away from his house and to his car, trying to think unsexy thoughts to get rid of the uncomfortable bulge in his tight trousers.

It was easier fibbing about being nervous about the evening than he had expected, Louis lapped up every word and tripped over his words in his rush to reassure him that everything would be alright.  It was adorable and although Harry hated the thought that he'd lied to the boy he couldn't help but think of as his baby, it did put a spark of protectiveness in his cobalt eyes.  They kissed at the traffic lights, but one tiny, traffic aware swift kiss was not enough for Harry.  Maybe pleasing himself would kill two birds with one stone and relax Louis at the same time.  Nobody had ever preened this much over a compliment from him, ever!  Harry was so lucky to have met someone as amazing as Louis - he told him so.  Louis' face was the definition of sunshine!

"Lets stop here for a sec" Harry muttered pulling in to an empty carpark and parking in the most distant corner.

"Why?" asked Louis, looking around him bewildered.

"Because I am really that nervous baby and you relax me" Harry told him, admittedly stretching the truth, not wanting to say aloud that he mostly just wanted to ravish him!  Once Louis was in his lap, Harry started by running his hands down his sides, finally settling them on his hips and capturing Louis' mouth with his own, desperate to feel his hot little mouth on his

"Kissing you really relaxed me" he explained licking slowly and deliberately into the boys mouth.  The little whines of pleasure coming from the smaller boy made Harry feel slightly insane, even more so when he began to wriggle a little in his lap, getting a little too close to his hardening semi and wrapping his legs around Harry's torso.  Little fingers tugged at his curls, reaffirming that Harry did indeed have a hair pulling kink

"Fuck Lou, you're so beautiful" Harry groaned into his ear, amazed at his own self control as he moved his lips across Louis' cheek, along his jawline and down his neck, nipping at his soft skin

"What are you doing with me?"

Harry's head span as Louis keened, the most angelic sound erupting from his lips,  throwing his head back, granting Harry better access to the column of his neck that Harry fully indulged his craving of devouring.

After about ten minutes of languid yet passionate kissing later, leaving both boys flushed and bright eyed, Harry slid Louis regretfully back into his seat.  Instead of reaching for his hand, he chose to stroke Harry's thigh, making Harry swallow forcefully to stop himself from driving Louis straight back to his hotel room.  He concentrated on the road.

Harry could see out of the corner of his eye that Louis was watching him, biting back a relieved smile. The hand stroking his thigh was gentle, and Louis had been so pliant and relaxed in his arms when he slid him back into his seat. Warm, soft, sparkling eyes made Harry's heart race and that adorable smile turned his insides into mush. Louis looked happy, relaxed and confident - just what he had been wanting to achieve all evening.

They reached Charlottes house and walked hand in hand to the door.  Louis still looked a little nervous, but he was smiling still and looked more at ease than Harry actually felt.  Maybe he was nervous after all.  There was no doubt about it.  Louis really was the love of his life.  All he had to do now was convince Louis that he was the love of his.


	13. Charlotte's Party - Louis' POV

Despite how early in the evening it was, Charlotte's house sounded like it was already rammed with people, so far living up to it's reputation as the place to be.

Louis squared his shoulders, ignoring the part of his brain that was telling him to run as fast as he could in the opposite direction, dragging Harry along with him!  He took a deep breath and pushed open the front door, more than a little apprehensive about what the evening would bring.

He was pleasantly surprised to see that it wasn't a raccous event that he had been imagining, with nobody there that he knew or could possibly bring himself to talk to.  Instead he was greeted by a lot of faces he knew from work, sitting on stairs and standing around in the hall, chatting amongst themselves and sipping multicoloured drinks from tall glasses.  Good music was playing and the house was warm and cosy.  Louis let out the breath he was holding, maybe tonight would actually be fun!

He wasn't deaf to the fact that since he walked through the door with Harry in tow, a lot of eyes were drawn in his direction and there was a lull in the chatter whilst eyes widened in disbelief and a buzz filled his ears, Harry's name being hissed off a multitude of tongues in synchrnisity.

"You alright?"

Harry's lips were pressed right against his ear as he murmured the question, stroking the back of his hand comfortingly with his thumb.

"Yeah" Louis nodded vigorously, more to himself than to Harry, finally realising that not only was he making his debut to one of Charlottes parties, but he was also bringing Harry Styles as his date!  This actually was quite the occasion!

"Lets get some drinks" he suggested waving at Michael who had appeared from a doorway holding a large glass of something clear with a lot of leaves in it.

"Michael!"

Michael beamed as Louis tugged on Harry's hand, pulling him behind him, only breaking contact for enough time to give his friend/dad a swift hug.

"I am so glad you turned up" Michael half whispered, nodding a smile in Harry's direction "I was worried I'd be hanging out on my lonesome.  Glad you came Harry, although I do believe you are the guest of honour tonight!" He gave Harry a wink "There's a lot of ladies here who have been waiting for you to show up!"

Harry looked slightly alarmed at this information.  Louis laughed brightly and slipped his arm around his waist.

"They'll have to get through me first" he assured him "Think of me as your personal bodyguard!"

Harry let out a bark of surprised laughter imagining his little Louis fighting off a flock of crazed, drunken fangirls.  He half wanted to see it.

"Only here for you babe" he drawled, accepting the glass Michael passed him.

"What's in it?"

Louis was eyeing the same type of drink in his hand warily, giving it a suspicious sniff and poking around the leaves and crushed ice with a black straw.

"It's a mojito" Michael told him "Just white rum, lime juice, sugar syrup and soda water over ice" he lowered his voice and whispered directly into Louis ear "No vodka"

Louis huffed out another breath and then took the smallest of sips. The hand holding Harry's squeezed a little tighter as he drank.  It tasted...nice!  He could barely taste the rum at all and the bitterness of the lime mixed with the sweetness of the sugar and mint was refreshing in his mouth.  A small part of him gave a small cheer and a pat on the back.  He was doing really well for someone who was a social outcast.  He had Harry with him, arm around his waist and kissing the top of his head and Michael would never let anything bad happen to him - Wendy would never forgive him!

Feeling rather thirsty he drank the rest down quickly and held his empty glass out to Michael asking for another, which was quickly handed to him.  

He sipped the second one easily whilst listening to Harry and Michael chatting amongst themselves and gazing around at the other people in the kitchen, most of them who were staring at Harry - and why not?  Harry was most definately someone to stare at.  If he hadn't have been tucked under the taller boys arm, reliving in his mind how they had kissed so passionately in his car just minutes beforehand, Louis would have been staring with them.  However.  He didnt need to, because Harry was here to be with him! Ha! They must be so jealous!

"Louis Tomlinson! When did you get here!" Charlotte demanded striding into the kitchen, looking a vision of pink silk "Harry, so pleased you could come too" she practically simpered, with an adoring expression, only reaffirming Louis' belief that the only reason he had been invited was because he would be bringing Harry Styles from One Direction.  he kept in his sigh of disappointment, sucking noisily the last dregs of his drink, and set about refilling his glass, adding a more generous measure of white rum.  He had the feeling that Harry's evening would be monopolised, judging by the gaggle of girls who had materialised next to Charlotte, all looking very beautiful with their made up faces in their best dresses  - some of which leaving very little to the imagination!

"Louis!" Another squeal, very close to his ear, almost made him drop his glass, but he recovered his surprise with just enough time to set it safely on the table before two skinny arms wrapped around his neck and he got a face-full of Amy's hair "Come with me!  I've got something for you!"

Amy giggled slightly erratically and was teetering on her four inch heels.  She not only completely dwarfed Louis in height, but when alcohol was in her system, they made her as uncoordinated as a baby deer.  

Smiling at how her face was glowing with excitement as she waited for him expectantly to speak/ follow her.  Louis downed the drink he'd just poured.  He could taste the rum this time, feel it warm him all the way down his throat and chest, the double (possibly triple) measure hitting his clearly intolerant nervous system and clouded his brain a little.  It made him giggle slightly and he let Amy take hold of his hand in hers. Before she managed to drag him out of the room, Louis looked back at Harry laughing with Charlotte and the pretty girls, and it didn't feel as bad as it had done before his drink.  As long as he didnt touch the evil vodka, maybe drinking was the answer to this particular problem.

"I'll look after him for you"

Lovely Michael's Irish lilt seemed to sing into his ear.  Louis' smile was a little more dopey than normal.  He giggled, he had a mojito smile! He liked the word 'mojito', although it was spelt stupidly.

Taking one more glance at Harry, who was running a hand back through his hair, smiling charmingly as he listened to a girl dressed in some black lace thing that looked like underwear, batting her false eyelashes and tell him that sometimes she 'pictured his face when she was banging her boyfriend!'

Wow!  Harry really would talk to anyone!

"Louis come on!" Amy impatiently insisted, digging her long nails into his palm and beginning to drag him to the door "This is very important!"

Climbing stairs it turned out, wearing stupidly spindly heels and dragging another human body, proved to be a bit of an issue, as well as stepping through the people sitting on them, but finally they made it to the landing, and then into a bedroom.

 

Louis had never been in a girls bedroom before, and it was most definitely Charlottes.  Of course with the amount of items from her beauty and cosmetics range that she consulted about at work, littered around, it could also be part of the Clinique warehouse!

"Sit!" Amy commanded pushing him down on a freshly made bed, covered with discarded clothes.

Amy sat down beside him, reaching behind a stuffed bear and taking out a bright purple bottle.

"Raspberry rum" she told him "Im beginning to sober up" she explained "want to keep the buzz going!"

Unscrewing the bottle she gave a long gulp and then handed it to Louis "want some?"

Louis couldn't imagine what drunk Amy was like if this was her 'sobering up' but he didnt want to look lame so he put the opening of the bottle to his lips and drank deeply.

It was stronger stuff than what he'd added to his cocktail, but tasted really good, even if it did slightly burn his throat going down and make him cough.  The buzz he felt as he passed the bottle back, was something else though and he was badly craving a cigarette.

"You don't want one of those" Amy told him, taking another gulp before hiding the bottle behind the bear once more.  Had Louis stating his want aloud?  Obviously he had!

"We can smoke after you have had your present" she beamed at him "I did it today! I've been waiting so long for you to get here so you can have it!"

Louis waited, hoping it was a nice surprise and not something that was going to make him look an idiot!

She made him close his eyes, and when he did, something heavy was dumped clumsily in his lap.

"Open them!"

Amy sounded so excited!

Looking down at his lap and opening his eyes, Louis felt them slightly water with gratitude.

It was a picture in a frame.  The frame was silver and consisted of small butterflies all joined together around the edge, and inside the frame was a picture of him and Harry.

They were sitting together in Costa's.  Louis was leaning back into Harry's arms, eyes closed with a blissful smile on his face.  Harry had one arm wrapped around Louis' waist, holding him so close to him, the other was carding through his hair and he was kissing the top of Louis' hair with his eyes closed.  They looked so perfect and content together than Louis couldn't stop staring at it, trying to remember that this wasn't a dream and that this was actually happening.

"Do you like it?"

Amy asked hopefully, both her brown eyes fixed on Louis' face with an expectant expression.  

"I love it!" Louis exclaimed, putting the frame to the side and giving her a huge hug and a kiss on the cheek "It's the best present I've ever been given"

Ok, so Harry's scarf was the best present he'd ever been given.  But Harry could have given him a pebble and Louis would have treasured it the same amount.  But this was no doubt the second best present ever!

"Oh my god! I am so happy!" Amy babbled as she expertly put together a rolled up cigarette.  Sitting back on the bed and kicking off her stupid shoes she lit it, inhaling deeply and then passed it to Louis.

"Wow that is good shit!" 

Her words seemed to get stuck in her throat, deepening her voice dramatically.

"Green" she told his questioning expression "purest form of weed"

Louis shrugged and took a hit.  It was indeed strong, and lying back next to Amy he felt his head swim, feeling like he was rushing backwards when he closed his eyes, even though he knew he was lying still.

One whole joint later and a few more gulps from the purple bottle, Louis felt like he was walking ten foot above the ground, laughing stupidly with Amy and clutching hold of her arm as they tried to get back downstairs -choosing to slide down sitting down rather than risk walking, because under the influence it looked a mile long, and neither of them could teleport!

"I miss Haz!" Louis wailed pitifully from the bottom of the stairs, sitting on the floor whilst rubbing his head (Amy had accidently kicked him on the head after she had bumped her way down from the landing)

"I don't" Amy shrugged, her face breaking into a lopsided smile as Louis looked at her horrified at such a response.

"But he's Harry!" Louis told her scandalised, he tried to scrabble to his feet, grasping hold of Amy's waist to steady himself, but his legs weren't co-operating.

"Amy!" He complained falling back on his bum "Tell the floor to stop moving!"

Amy collapsed on top of him, tickling his sides and laughing at him wriggling around on the floor, crying tears of laughter.

One moment he was enjoying the rush of having his eyes shut, the next he was looking into three copies of Michael's face, inches away from his own, each wearing the same concerned expression.

"Dad!" Louis grinned happily "Haz hasn't found me!  Can you help me up?  I think I'm stuck!"

Louis closed his eyes for an extended blink, when he opened them, green eyes were boring into his own.

"Haz!"

Louis stretched his arms skyward towards Harry, who was crouched over him, eyes wide with astonishment and looking worried.

"He's barely been gone an hour" Harry was muttering to Michael, checking his watch "What the..."

Little fingers prodded the side of his face.

"Haz!  Pay me attention!" Louis huffed "Amy, get off me!" 

Amy was hugging Louis from behind, effectively sitting him up, but stopping him from standing.

"Amy, what did you give Louis?" Michael asked sternly, hoping that she would be coherent enough to tell him...although the pungent smell clinging to their hair and clothes was self-explanatory.   

Amy laughed in Michael's face and then buried her face in Louis' neck.

Louis frowned at the gesture, rolling his head around and then turned to where he expected Harry to be making grabby hands into thin air.

"Kitchen?" Michael suggested, helping Amy to her feet.  He was glad that most people were playing games in the living room and not paying much attention to them - there were of course some girls, hovering around, watching Harry's every move, but he was ignoring them, only having eyes for Louis.

Harry picked Louis up in his arms easily, looping the boys arm around his neck.

"You are such a nightmare" he whispered, trying to smile, even though he was worried at how Louis' eyes were darting around, unable to focus on anything.  He was able to talk though,babbling nonsense about butterflies and cuddles and Harry.

"He'll be fine" Michael assured him, sitting down at the table with Amy sitting on his lap "these two are just a couple of light weights"

"I resent that!" Slurred Louis "Haz?  I'm really heavy aren't I?" he looked at Michael triumphantly as though his revelation had just conquered world peace.

"Drink up babe" Harry shook a bottle of water to get his boys attention.  Louis stared at it hard.

"Oh Amy" he groaned "They want to kill our buzz...." He cupped his hands, thinking the action would automatically lower the sound of his voice "....on purpose!"

"Fuck that!" Amy announced flicking Michael's nose "I wonder if they are doing body shots yet" she mused before yelling across the kitchen to where some girls were watching Harry with heart eyes ( and glaring daggers at Louis for hogging the stars attention)

"Body shots?" Louis turned to Harry, baby blue eyes full of innocence "What's that?"

Harry opened his mouth to tell him, but Amy (with her surprisingly big mouth) beat him to it.

"I'll show you!" She rushed excitedly "Char!  Come quick!  Gonna do a body shot off Lou!"

"Uh uh" Harry hastily input, tightening his grip on a curious Louis and kissing his temple protectively.

It was one thing that Louis had left him alone to get wasted and stoned, but totally another thing if a girl expected to do that with his baby.

"Come on Harry, I'm not gonna straighten him out" Amy sighed, rolling her eyes and prising Louis out of Harry's clutches "It's fun"

"This is why I don't come to parties" joked Michael to Harry "I always end up playing dad"

"Do you want me to call you daddy?" Amy purred, letting go of Louis, to slide (how she considered seductively) onto Michael's lap.

The look Michael gave her was boarder line murderous.

"want me to do a body shot off you baby?" Growled Harry under his breath into Louis' ear, longing for an excuse to suck on his bare skin.

Louis beamed and nodded, wanting to do anything that Harry asked of him.  Still not knowing really what he was agreeing to.

"Ok babe" 

Harry stood up, picking up Louis with him and sat him down on the edge of the table, laying him down amongst bottles and empty glasses whilst reaching for the bottle of rum.  His long fingers unbuttoned the bottom of Louis' shirt, his green eyes lustful as he set his eyes on his smooth tanned skin, exposed to him for the first time.  Amy had abandoned pretending to flirt with Michael and was sprinkling sugar on Louis' neck.  Louis himself unaware of it, fixating all his garbled attention on the curly haired angel floating over him, who gave him a swift wink before something wet and cold sloshed into his belly button.


	14. Charlotte's Party - Harry's POV

Harry had of course noticed the moment that Louis had been dragged willingly from the kitchen. How could he have missed it, even though he was pretending to be listening to the girl who he was talking to (who was giving away way too much information about her sex life), his whole attention had been fixed on Louis.  Wondering if he felt ok? Wondering if he was happy?  

He did seem happy.  He was smiling and drinking and looking quite confident about where he was.  He supposed that seeing Michael straight away had put him at ease and Amy seemed like a very sweet girl - even if half the time she was looking at him like she wanted to eat him!

Harry tried to follow the pair out of the room, but a firm hand stopped him by holding his wrist.

"He'll be back in a minute" Michael assured him with a gentle smile "She's got a present for him.  It's all she could talk about this afternoon"

"Yeah, don't worry Harry" Charlotte chimed in "We'll keep you company until they come back" she indicated to her friends who were edging closer to him.

Harry smiled weakly, wishing that he was with Louis who was the one he really wanted to spend time with.  These were really nice people, but time was running out and he wanted to spend as much time with Louis as possible before he had to go home.  It was occurring how far away London really was.  How much he was going to miss the small, shy boy once he'd gone.  Would Louis miss him?

"Why don't you girls set something p in the other room" Michael suggested, reading Harry's body language like a book "I wouldn't mind some guy time whilst we're still sober"

Charlotte agreed reluctantly and the girls dispersed.  One of them talking very loudly at how hot Harry was in real life.

"So, you and Lou?" Grinned Michael sitting down at the table and reaching out to make a new drink "I feel I should ask you what your intentions are for my son!"

Harry chuckled, sitting down so he was facing the door to watch for Louis as soon as he came back.

"Honorable" he assured the pharmacist, shaking his head when he was offered another cocktail "I'm gonna stick to water" he reported "Driving tonight"

"With very precious cargo" Michael reminded him "Do you have to go back to work soon?" He asked, tapping the table with his fingers, the welcoming smile faltering slightly.

Harry nodded sadly "Tomorrow night.  Wish I didn't though" he added needlessly

"Do you want to see him again?  Or is this just a weekend thing?"

Harry opened his mouth to reply, but he didn't say a word.  Michael's words were said with an air of nonchalance, but there was something about the way his eyes were no longer looking at Harry, and how his fingers were now shredding a paper napkin.

"Pardon?" was all Harry could think of to say

"Louis really likes you Harry..." He trailed off, clearing his throat uncomfortably "Can we...erm...have a private chat?"

Harry looked towards the doorway, realising they were being watched closely by a few of Charlotte's guests.

"Sure" he shrugged, starting to feel a little nervous about what Michael wanted to chat about.

Slowly Michael got up from the table and let Harry out into the conservatory, shutting the door behind them.  They sat down on the plush wicker chairs, Harry making sure he had a good view into the kitchen so he could keep an eye out for Louis.

"What's up?" He asked carefully, feeling he should be the one to speak first.

"Look, I know it's very early days, and this is really stupid of me to even ask you this...but what do you want from Louis?"

 

What did Harry want from Louis?  Just a lifetime of togetherness and happiness!  But like Michael said, it was early days.  He couldn't give that answer.  It wouldn't make any sense.

"Well like you say...it's early days...I've only just met him..."

"You must have some idea if you want to see him again" Michael pressed, sitting forward in his chair and clasping his hands together in a business type fashion.

"I mean, are you just here for a weekend thing?  Or do you want to see him again?"

"What?" Harry had never considered anyone to be just a weekend thing.  Especially Louis.

Michael fixed Harry with a steely glare, his drastic change of mood slightly alarming the younger boy.

"Come on Harry, you're a bright lad.  Can't you read between the lines?  I'm trying to work out how much damage control I'm going to need to prepare for"

"What do you mean by damage control?"  Harry naturally talked slowly, even slower as his brain tried to second guess what this intelligent man was getting at.

"When you sod off and leave us to pick up the pieces!"

"Who said I want to go anywhere?" Harry was more upset than he was angry "I've only just met him and leaving him here when I go home is the worst thing I can think of right now!"

Michael was gripping at the table.

"This is such an unrealistic situation" he murmured to himself.  He looked at Harry again "In what world does the man of Louis' dreams just come into his shop, sweep him off his feet and he lives happily ever after?" The sarcasm was not lost on Harry's ears.  It was painful and insulting.

"Are you saying that he doesn't deserve that?" Harry demanded, trying to keep his voice neutral.  Louis could come back at any minute and he doubted he would be happy if he found him having an argument with his 'dad'.

"What Louis deserves and what he gets are two completely different things" Michael rubbed his face with his hands looking tired "when it comes to guys he just seems to attract the worst ones.  They use him, hurt him and chuck him away.  I can't let it happen to him again"

Harry lent towards Michael his eyes widened with truth and honesty "I would never do anything to hurt him" he enforced seriously.

"Then tell me" Michael continued "What happens when you've gone away on tour?  You're stuck in a hotel bar, you're bored and lonely, and gorgeous people are throwing themselves at you?  Are you really going to remember him then!"

A sadistic laugh erupted from Harry without warning.

"Have you ever considered that he might not want me?" He asked "Say I was lucky enough to convince Louis that I am good enough to be with him?  What if he can't handle the distance between us?  What if he meets someone who can always be there?  Someone more intelligent?  Someone better looking?"

"And what if he wants you?" Michael asked quietly "What if all he wants is you?"

"Then he gets me" Harry told him simply "Ok, I may not have known him long, but I want to.  He may not agree, he might decide I'm not that great and that he wants someone else.  But right now all I want is him, I wouldn't even look at anyone else out of choice.  I don't want a weekend boyfriend or a fling!"

"But what if..."

"Michael.  I know how much Louis loves and respects you, and I know you are just looking out for him because you love him and want to protect him.  But you're not the only one who wants to do that now" Harry told him firmly, green fire blazing from his eyes "Trust me when I say that I will never ever do or say anything that could possibly make him feel even one second of unhappiness"

"I can't do that"

Michael's words were short and simple and honest.

"I've seen him get hurt too many times, forgotten about by too many people...and he's...wow he's just come out of his shell so much in the short time he's known you" he gestured around him "Before you he would have never come to a house party.  He's dressing differently, he's taking care of himself, and he's not always on the verge of crying at work anymore...I don't know what he's going to do if you leave him"

He sat back, worried and anxious.

"Michael" Harry laid a large hand on the mans knee "I appreciate that you are worried.  But I'm not going to leave him"

"He's going to be nervous" Michael stated "He's going to test you...make sure you're not like the others"

"The others?"

"The shits who broke his heart over and over again.  It got really bad Harry...he...shit.. It's not my place..."

"Then don't tell me" Harry was pretty sure he knew what he was going to say anyway "If Louis wants to confide in me then he can.  I'm not going to be like the other guys he's been with.  Can you just give me a chance?"

Michael eyed him, knowing the conversation was coming to a close , wishing he could believe the compassion and honesty he could read in Harry's face.

"The first sign that he's unhappy..." He warned 

"I give you full permission to beat the shit out of me" Harry told him decisively.

Michael laughed.  Harry felt relieved.

"Are we ok?" Harry felt the need to ask.

The nodd he received was uncertain, but Harry decided they had come to an understanding.

"Im really glad Louis has you looking after him" he stated honestly "I don't have to worry as much about him when I can't be here"

Michael and Harry went back into the kitchen, shivering slightly as they became accustomed to the sudden warmth - the conservatory hasn't been heated.

"Where are they?" Michael muttered seeing no sign of Amy or Louis "I'll go check the living room"

A sound of hysterical laughter filtered through to their ears, followed by a large bump and a couple of high pitched squawks.

"Fucks sake" Michael strode out of the room, Harry hot on his heels.

Harry's heart leapt into his throat, the first thing he saw was Louis lying still on the floor at the bottom of the stairs, eyes screwed up, with Amy half lying on top of him giggling madly.  Immediately, Michael gently removed Amy, hovering over Louis and was reaching out to touch him when Louis' eyes sprang open.  

He looked absolutely wasted.  Eyes looking heavy and barely opening, glowing with happiness.

"Dad!" Louis grinned happily "Haz hasn't found me! Can you help me up? I think I'm stuck!"

At the mention of his name, Harry skidded to Louis' side, almost pushing Michael out of the way to get into Louis' line of vision (which seemed to be quite narrow).  Louis was slurring his words so much they seemed to be just one long word, wetly gushing out of his lopsided smiling mouth.  He had closed his eyes for longer this time,  Harry sniffed hard as he lent over the small boy - he smelled exactly like Zayn did at times, when he was smoking things that he shouldn't be in possession of..

"Haz!"

Louis' eyes were open again, starry eyed and stretching his arms skyward towards Harry, giggling.

"He's barely been gone an hour" Harry was muttering to Michael, checking his watch and wondering if the pharmacist was as surprised and as worried as he was

"What the..."

Little fingers prodded the side of his face. Louis' expression was stroppy.

"Haz! Pay me attention!" Louis huffed, legs flailing as he tried to stand "Amy, get off me!"

Harry tried not to feel the jealousy as he saw how tightly she was hugging his boy from behind.  

"Amy, what did you give Louis?" Michael asked sternly.  Harry could have told him, the pungent smell clinging to their hair and clothes was self-explanatory.

Amy laughed in Michael's angry face and then buried her face in Louis' neck. Another twinge of jealousy prickled Harry's rib cage.  He was a little happier when Louis frowned at the gesture, rolling his head around and then turned to where he seemed to expect Harry to be (a couple of feet out) making grabby hands into thin air.

"Kitchen?" Michael suggested, helping Amy to her feet. He didn't notice how she scrabbled her arms in protest about being torn away from her new friend.  

Harry only had eyes for his beautiful little Louis.

Harry picked Louis up in his arms easily, it made him smile at how sweet and small he looked in his arms, cuddling into his arms, making strange little grunting noises.  Feeling Louis start to slip a little, Harry shifted him in his arms, trying to persuade a floppy arm to rest around his neck.

"You are such a nightmare" he whispered, willing himself to smile, even though it was scaring him at how Louis' eyes were darting around at a frantic pace, unable to focus on anything.  Except Harry's face which every now and again he would just stare at.

He was able to talk though, babbling nonsense about butterflies and cuddles and (of course) Harry.

"He'll be fine" Michael assured him, catching the frown flitting on and off Harry's brow as he examined Louis' slightly erratic movements, sitting down at the table and trying to settle Amy down on his lap.

"these two are just a couple of light weights"

"I resent that!" Louis slurred, leaning right back against Harry's chest and nuzzling his nose into the taller boys swan like neck.  His hair tickled Harry's chin, who pressed a kiss into the soft strands.

"Haz? I'm really heavy aren't I?" he looked at Michael triumphantly, daring him to make a contradiction.  Thinking Louis needed to sober up (a lot), Harry reached for the bottle of water he had been drinking from.

"Drink up babe" Harry shook a bottle of water to get his boys attention. Louis stared at it hard, then up at Harry and back at the bottle, complaining loudly to Amy, and yes.  Harry was trying to kill Louis' "buzz", as cute and cuddly as he was being, Harry selfishly wanted all of Louis' attention - not share it with mind altering substances.  Was this something Louis did often?  Was it something he should worry about?  He had honestly thought that Louis was worried about drinking after what had happened to him before...he must have been wrong....the nerves earlier must have been about something else.

 

"Body shots?"

Harry's thoughts were interrupted as his vision was filled with Louis' eyes - bigger and bluer, and more innocent than he had ever seen any eyes other than on a baby.

Just the idea of spreading Louis' gorgeous little body out on the table and licking tantalising up his body, made Harry salivate lustfully, which possibly was the reason why Amy (with her surprisingly big mouth) beat him to explanation, and then an offer.

"I'll show you!" She rushed excitedly, launching off Michael's lap "Char! Come quick! Gonna do a body shot off Lou!"

"Uh uh" Harry hastily input, tightening his grip on a curious Louis and kissing his temple protectively.  There was no way that he was going to sit and watch as anyone apart from him got intimate with Louis! Heck, he hasn't even seen his bare stomach yet!  He did not want that first experience to be watching someone else take the pleasure for themselves!

"Come on Harry, I'm not gonna straighten him out" Amy sighed, rolling her eyes and prising Louis out of Harry's clutches "It's fun"

"This is why I don't come to parties" joked Michael to Harry, the harsh tone he had previously used on him a distant memory  "I always end up playing dad" 

"Do you want me to call you daddy?" Amy purred, letting go of Louis, to slide (how she considered seductively) onto Michael's lap.  Ok, flirting with Michael.  Harry liked that, her attention was no longer focused on Lou!  Michael however seemed less pleased for the look Michael gave her was boarder line murderous.

"want me to do a body shot off you baby?" Growled Harry under his breath into Louis' ear, longing for an excuse to suck on his bare skin.  It wasnt something he was keen on doing in public, but what if he never got the opportunity to do it again?  He would always look back at this moment and wonder what would have happened.

Louis beamed up at him and nodded.  

"Ok babe" Harry stood up, picking up Louis with him and sat him down on the edge of the table, laying him down carefully amongst bottles and empty glasses whilst reaching for the bottle of rum. There were butterflies soaring and diving in his stomach, feeling the biggest mixture of excitement and nerves.  With unsteady fingers he concentrated on unbuttoning the bottom of Louis' shirt, his green eyes lustful as he set his eyes on his smooth tanned skin, exposed to him for the first time. Amy had abandoned pretending to flirt with Michael and was sprinkling sugar on Louis' neck. Louis himself was quiet, eyes fixed uncertainly on Harry's face.  Their eyes met, Harry disguising the visible gulp of anticipation and want with a cheeky wink, flattening one hand over his side and pouring a healthy measure of rum into Louis' belly button.

It should have been steaming it was so hot a sight.  Harry wasted no time, sucking the liquid into his mouth, swallowing quickly, but pretending there was more, not wanting his lips or tongue to leave the warm, soft expanse of his stomach so quickly.  Sucking, nipping at it with his teeth, proudly leaving his mark to show he had been there.  A soft moan was quickly followed by a hand grabbing at his curls and tugging at them, the action immediately going straight to his dick, making it twitch.  Opening his eyes and looking slightly upwards without letting his mouth stop sucking, Harry took in the sight and felt himself harden instantly.

Head thrown back, rose tinted lips slightly parted, Louis was full on whimpering as he wriggled around on the table.  

Forgetting that there were other people in the room, watching with eager, excited, astounded eyes, Harry gave into the insistent tugs with a loud groan.  Louis really was the sexiest, insatiable, down right hottest boy in existence, and here he was, lying on a kitchen table, under Harry's complete control.  Primal instinct clouded Harry's brain, refusing to follow correct protocol when it came to body shots.  Sitting down heavily on the chair he grabbed Louis' thighs, dragging him off the table onto his lap.  Louis' face was flushed, breathless, eyes half shut.  He let out a squeak of surprise at the unpredicted change of position, throwing his arms around Harry's neck and launching himself at Harry's mouth.  It was so needy, so clingy, so much desperation, putting everything into their kiss, his tongue fighting with Harry's for dominance for the first time, pressing his chest closer, wanting to just be closer, closer, closer.

Harry was wound so tightly around Louis that he had no idea where he began and Louis ended.  His heart was pounding, his dick was so hard it was hurting being confined inside his tight jeans and his brain was a confusion of lust, bare skin, hair, love and want.  This was what he wanted, he wanted this every day of his life.  No substance, no number one chart position, no world wide tour, no award winning could ever, would ever, had ever, made Harry feel this high!  He soaring with eagles, high above the clouds, feeling so powerful... so invincible.  He'd been given the world, and that world was Louis.

"Harry!"

Louis gasped his name into his mouth, a trembling, whimpering little mess, blowing the final part of his mind into oblivion with just one cracked, gasp.  It was time to take Louis home.  He had to take Louis home now!

Louis Tomlinson.  Harry Style's life, love...his reason to be.

 


	15. Waking Up Under a Duvet With Your Own Face On It

Lazy butterfly kisses on the back of his neck awoke Louis the next morning, coaxing him out of his dreams and into the dream that was now his actual life that was as warm and comfortable as any sleep could bring.  Coming to, he felt the arm around his torso, holding his hand loosely yet securely, a leg between his own and bare skin plastered to his back.  It was heaven, it was what Louis had been wanting all along.  Warmth, comfort, safety and security.  

Not opening his eyes incase everything disappeared, Louis allowed himself to smile, snuggling back into the embrace.

"I know you're awake" 

Harry had the sexiest morning voice in the world!  And he was awake too, and yet he still held Louis as closely as if he was still asleep.  It was all so alien to Louis.  Nobody had ever cuddled into him because they wanted to.  Even being the smaller one, he always ended up being the big spoon, even in a relationship.  He felt himself being rolled over, a kiss pressed onto his lips sleepily, arms tightening around his back.  Was this love?  Was this what love felt like?

"How are you feeling baby?"

Now Harry had asked him, Louis became more aware of how his limbs ached and how parched his throat was.  But he didnt want to do anything about either because he was so comfortable and felt so happy.  If he moved, would he be able to feel like this again?  Or would Harry just leave...just like everybody else.

"Where are we?" Louis muttered into Harry's warm hairless chest, nuzzling at it with his nose.  There was no point in opening his eyes.  All he would see would be tanned skin, and he could imagine that on his own.  He wasn't going to move.  Not yet.

He heard a raspy chuckle.

"In your bed babe.  I take it you don't remember much?"

Louis didn't.  He didn't care how he got into this position, just as long as they stayed here.  Forever!

But unwillingly, little bits and pieces leaked into his mind, followed by the worst possible thought imaginable!

"You're in my bed!" Louis gasped, images of his room flashing into his head "Harry!  You can't be in here!"

Another chuckle.  

"It's ok love, your mum explained last night you might be a little embarrassed this morning.  But really...I find it flattering"

Harry was of course referring to the contents of Louis' room.  He cringed, both inwardly and outwardly, embarrassment shading his cheeks a deep red, screwing his eyes shut, waiting for Harry to tell him..wait a minute...flattering?

Harry's face was plastered on ever inch of his walls, as well as token pictures of Liam, Niall and Zayn - and he only had those up because Harry was in the photos.  His bed cover was a One Direction one, as well as his pillow cases, cushion covers, books, cds, DVDs.  The amount of merchandise he owned was endless and it was all littered over his room!  And Harry had seen it!  He was lying underneath his Isn duvet cover!  This wasn't flattering!  It was borderline stalker!

"You weren't meant to see" Louis croaked out, feeling very sorry for himself.  And now his head was aching.  

"I'm kind of relieved" Harry went on, seemingly to ignore Louis' shame "I was worried you might be using me to get to Niall!"

"You really don't mind?" Louis' voice was timid and small, wanting to swallow himself whole just to get away.

"Baby" a kiss to his forehead, hands sweeping his hair out of his eyes.  He must look such a state! "It's actually quite a turn on"

That was the last thing Louis expected to hear. 

"I call bullshit" mumbling into Harry's chest, wanting to pull the duvet over his head, but not because maybe Harry hadn't noticed the design.

Louis heard a loud sigh.  Harry had been trying to lift his face, but so far he had managed to resist.  He could not look into Harry's perfect face and see the bullshit cascading from the lips that kissed him so sweetly.  If he could say lies aloud, then his kisses could be lies too...and that was too painful to think about.

Instead, he felt Harry shuffle down the bed, two small kisses on his cheeks,  his nose rubbed at Louis'.

"Aww baby, don't be upset" he cooed "Let me explain"

This was going to be good...

"Do you remember what you told me last night?"

Louis remembered next to fuck all. He needed a few more minutes for that.  He shook his head, his nose brushed Harry's cheek.  He could feel his warm breath on his chin.

"You told me that your bedroom was your favourite place because you could dream about the day that I walk into your life and make it better..."

He did?  How mortifying..and cheesy!

Harry lowered his voice till it was husky "You told me that you loved falling asleep with your face next to mine..." He kissed Louis' bottom lip, giving it a little nip with his front teeth "You said that when you are feeling sad, my 'smiling face' makes you feel better"

Louis made a mental vow to never drink again.  How could Harry even stand being so close to him after all of that!  But Harry was running his hands through his hair and down his neck, pressing his palms to his cheeks, swiping the tip of his tongue across Louis' lip.

"Fuck babe, you have no idea what knowing that does to me!" Harry groaned between kisses "To know after all this time that you've been thinking about me and I had no idea!"

How could this be possible.  Louis tried so hard to respond to Harry's affection, but his lips were too hesitant, his brain not taking these claims in.  He was just not this lucky!

"Baby?" 

Fuck.  Harry could even do puppy eyes! Eyebrows furrowed, his lower lip stuck out in a sexy little pout, intensively sad eyes unwavering from Louis troubled expression.

"Baby whats wrong?  Talk to me" 

The dull ache in Louis' head was just increasing by the second.  He just didn't understand - why was Harry still here?  After all those stupid things he'd said?  Of course Harry's words were stupidly sweet and comforting...after all this time?    What did he mean?  They'd just met.  Maybe...

"Does your bum still hurt?"

Louis' head snapped back.  What?

Harry was actually blushing and shifting around uncomfortably.

"You don't remember do you?  You were complaining last night that your bum hurt because you tripped and sat down heavily" Harry explained tentatively stroking his lower back "I was worried you might think...you know...we did something...to...er...make it hurt...."

It took Louis a few seconds of studying Harry's embarrassed face to actually work out what he was talking about.

OH!!  That hadn't even crossed his mind!  Now it was all he could think about....

"Lou?  Have I upset you?  What's wrong?  Do you feel sick?"  Harry was trying to hard to comfort him and make him feel better, and Louis knew he was being unresponsive and rude, possibly worrying his concerned angel more than necessary.

"I....uh...I don't remember" he stuttered.  He really didn't, but that was okay with him.

"Your memory is shocking" Harry shook his head tiredly "Which is a massive reason why we didn't do anything last night.  When we make love for the first time I would much prefer it if you remembered it the next morning!"

He smiled at his words trying to make light of the situation.  Louis was one hundred percent sure that wasn't the only reason they hadn't fucked last night.  He knew him and his body way too well.  Even in bed with the man of his dreams he was fucking useless!  His vision was blurring, tears pricking at his eyes.  He was such a fucking joke! This was meant to be easy!

"You don't have to lie to me Haz" he murmured abruptly, forcing himself to turn over and face the wall.  Why didnt Harry just leave him.  Say what was actually on his mind about what had probably actually happen and just leave him as the waste of space he really was.  Harry could have anyone, anytime, any place.  Why was he even pretending to care?

"Im not lying!"

Harry pawed desperately at Louis, trying to turn him over.

"I swear Lou, we didnt do anything!  I promise!"

Harry sounded horrified.  Louis sobbed darkly "i know we didnt do anything!" He bit out "I just wish you were honest about why we didnt fuck last night"

"I don't want to fuck you" Harry whispered, cringing away from Louis like he'd been slapped in the face.

"Because I'm useless!  I get it!"

"You're not... I would never 'fuck' you Louis.  I would want to make love to you..." Was it Louis' ears or was Harry actually close to tears?

"Why do you keep saying that?" Louis closed his eyes.  There was a picture of Harry smiling at him on the wall.  He couldn't even look at a picture of him in the eye!

"Because fucking is not something I do.  It's cold and it's ugly and there is no emotion to it"

Ok.  Harry was actually crying.  Trying to hide it, but he was sniffing and there was moisture on Louis' back where his face was nestled.

"Fucking" Harry continued to a silent, rigid Louis "is done by two people who only care about thrusting and pumping until they shoot their loads!  There's no love! There's no intimacy! Neither of them care if the other even gets an orgasm out of it!  If I wanted a 'fuck' I'd go out to a club or go on sodding Grinder!  I don't want that!  Fucking is just like having a glorified wank!"

He stopped, grabbing Louis shoulder and forcing to turn him over.

"Louis! I'm fucking falling in love with you!  I don't see you as a quick shag! I want you to be my boyfriend and one day I want to to show you how much I love you physically, but that isn't all I care about!  I just want to be with you! I want cuddles..." He wrapped his arms around Louis, pulling him to his chest "and kisses..." Dotting fluttery ones over his eyelids and temples "I want to talk and laugh with you, cook you dinner, show you my favourite places and wake up with you in my arms in the morning!  I want you!" the last words were shaky and shy "If you will have me?  If you want me, then I'm all yours" 


	16. Dating a Fan?  Not Offputting

Harry knew he was begging, pleading, wishing with all his heart that the words coming out of his mouth were able to penetrate Louis' mind and make him realise that all he was telling was the truth.  And it was only a small fraction of what he really felt.  After the attempted body shot at the party, which led to a very obnoxious and heated make out session at Charlotte's kitchen table, Harry had made the move to take Louis home.  Louis was tired, still feeling the effects of what he had taken and very affectionately clingy after Harry had managed to tear himself away from Louis' brain clouding body.

He had been concerned about all the people who had witnessed it.  Just one visual posted on social media would no doubt go viral in seconds...but, and Harry had to give her credit, Charlotte was a very sensible and thoughtful girl banning all recording devices and phones from her house.  She'd told him, as she and Michael helped Harry get an impaired Louis into the car that she'd done it because she wanted Harry to feel secure in the knowledge that he was there as Louis' guest and not because he was famous.  It was a very welcome (and considering what footage could have been recorded) relieving gesture.  Louis really did have some good people around him.  Something else Harry was grateful for.

Louis got a second wind on the way home, no longer slumping against the window sleepily, but chatting him non stop.  Sharing little thoughts that shot through his head and saying them aloud just a quickly.  He probably said a lot more than he would have wanted to.  How he never got invited to parties.  Had he been invited because he would be bringing Harry?  Did Amy and Charlotte really like him?  Did he look ok? Because he was wearing his twins clothes and Will was always getting invited to stuff and popular and he wanted to be like that - he wanted people to like him.  Did Harry like him?  

"I was so nervous" he babbled, glancing around happily with his hand gripping at Harry's thigh "Because I promised that I'd never drink vodka again..and what if there was vodka in everything?  I would have looked well pathetic and you wouldn't want to see me again because I'm not popular and I'm not like Will and well Haz, I don't know what I'd do if you met Will and wanted him instead of me!"

Harry listened, absorbing every word coming out of the boys mouth.  He had so little self esteem when it came to his own self worth and it was so sad.  Louis had no idea what he had going for him.  But there was no way he could put his mind at ease by saying there was no way he wanted William over Louis...it would give too much away.

When they got home,  Harry had to carry Louis from the car to the door.  He'd tried to jump out on his own Without waiting for Harry's help, slipped and fell about two foot, straight into the road right on his bum.  Cussing and swearing loudly, he got up, rubbing at his cheeks through his trousers (which actually made Harry feel a little jealous) and tried to limp to the house, until Harry swooped him off the ground and carried him to the front door.

Now what did he do?  He couldn't just shove him in the house and say goodnight and leave him.  Louis was worried about Harry leaving him, he'd said so in the car, but Harry couldn't expect to stay.  Maybe he could sleep in the car...

Fortunately, Jay saved him the trouble.  One look at a very under the influence Louis laughing in Harry's arms, poking at his face and complaining about how much his arse hurt.  

"This one is all yours" she confirmed "can you stay tonight Harry?  Keep an eye on him?"

Louis scrabbled out of Harry's arms , almost falling yet again, but Harry was quick to catch him- before he damaged another part of his perfect body!

He started dragging Harry to a door, but Jay got in the way, suggesting they sleep in Williams room.

"My bed!" Louis insisted pushing open the door and ignoring his mums protests, staggering around and chatting as though Harry was right beside him.

"Harry?" Jay caught hold of his wrist, looking nervous through her bleary eyes "Before you go in...Lou's room...it might surprise you a little bit.  Be kind about it will you?  If you're still here in the morning he's going to be really embarrassed"

"Would you prefer me to leave?" Harry asked politely, wanting his future mother in law to like him and think he was a respectable human being - even if he did not want to leave at all.

Jay laughed quietly "No dear...but I wouldn't blame you for getting a little freaked out!  He means well" she added quickly "and it's only because he likes you" she indicated to the next door "If he gets poorly and you need anything I'll be in there"

Harry nodded, wishing her goodnight and wondering what on earth he was going to be walking into.

 

It was like being inside a mirror maze.  His face...hundreds of times over...everywhere!  Posters on the walls, a duvet cover on the bed, a shelf- pretty much groaning under the weight of One Direction merchandise.  He hadn't gone into Louis' bedroom, he's walked into a fully stocked One Direction pop up shop!

If it had been anyone else, Harry would have stuttered a quick excuse, fled for the door and drove off as fast as the speed limit would allow him.  But this was different.  This was Louis, and all Harry could think of was how bloody adorable it was that Louis liked him so much he had covered his own little sanctuary with Harry.  

"I love what you've done with the place" he chuckled, closing the door behind them and hanging his coat over Louis' desk chair - which was next to some seriously impressive looking pc hardware.

Louis was chatting non stop about something whilst clearing his bedside table of his IPad, laptop, IPod and Dr Dre Beats headphones and the latest One Direction book. Absentmindedly Harry picked it up.

"Good read?" He asked, raising one eyebrow as he watched Louis sit down on the edge of his bed, carefully unwrapping the contents of a plastic bag he had been cradling to him since they left Charlotte's.

"I only read a couple of chapters" Louis shrugged "It was so management edited that I didn't bother to read anything other than Liam's"

"Edited?"

Louis gave him a funny look. "You haven't read it?"

Harry haven't.  

"I did write it"

"was Liam happy with his chapter?"

"Erm...I don't think any of us read it"

Louis didn't look surprised "Well tell him they edited it massively"

"How do you know?" Harry wondered aloud, flicking through the pages.

"Because it's really just what mission control think the fans want to read" Louis huffed, taking the book from Harry and flicking though the pages himself "You know how Liam always goes on about Sophia?"

"Yeah...?"

"Not mentioned.  Perrie isn't either.  Well I think there's one sentence about her...but Liam would definitely talk about Sophia.  Edited"

He shut the book with a snap "Great pictures though" he commented "Totally worth getting for those alone"

"Pictures of Liam?" Harry smirked. The posters of him all over the room said other wise.

"Pictures of you, you dick!" Laughed Louis.  Hmm Louis had a sassy side.  That was so attractive to Harry.

"Why so many pictures of me?" he might as well ask now before Louis got shy again.

"Because you are so fucking gorgeous!" Louis exclaimed, all bright eyed and gorgeous himself "and you have the best smile with your dimples and teeth...you make me happy just looking at you" he pointedly looked at Harry and grinned "See!  I'm happy now!"

"That could be the mojitos!"

Harry could not stop looking at Louis' bright, open face, totally unguarded.  He giggled and repeated the word mojito.

"Definitely you!" He confirmed "If I have a bad day.  I buy a new mag with you in it and looking at you makes me feel better" he pointed at a poster right next to his pillow "I love going to sleep next to your face and waking up to it every morning"

It was so honestly said with so much warmth...and so cute..and so...ugh...it shouldn't be but it was so sexy!

"How long?"

How long had Louis been thinking about him when Harry had been pining over Louis.

"Ummm" Louis rocked back and forth on the bed thinking "Three years.  Not since the start... Sorry..but as soon as I saw your video for 'What Makes You Beautiful', although that's not my favourite song.  I do like it though"

Harry couldn't believe it.  Three whole years?  Why hadn't he acted sooner?  They could have...

"What's wrong?" He asked quickly. Louis was making a face and shifting around uncomfortably.

"My fricking arse hurts!" Louis complained, getting up and bending over, pointing to one of his cheeks "I think it's broken!"

Harry's mouth just hung open.  All this time he'd been trying to stop himself looking at Louis' magnificent piece of an ass, and here was Louis, just wagging it around in front of his face!  It was taking all his self control to not grab the boy by the hips and sink his teeth into it!

"Come sit down babe" Harry spluttered, wondering if he could get away with pretending to rub...or kiss...his sore spot better, but decided against it...there was no way his dick could handle that type of interaction politely!

It was like Louis had done nothing provocative at all, turning around and jumping onto Harry's lap, shoving his fingers into his curls and pushing them back off his head "What were we talking about?"

"songs" Harry answered quickly, wanting to talk about anything to stop his dick from throbbing.

"My favourite is Moments" Louis was up again, tugging at his tight jeans to get them off..oh my god..Louis was fucking undressing and Harry had no idea where to look.  The song choice was enough to stop him thinking anything else though.

"Why moments?" He asked curiously, needing to know the answer more than wanting to.

Louis stood up.  His nose twitched, like it did when he was deep in thought.

"I don't know...it's really beautiful...and it's kinda sad...but...hmm...I just feel something when I listen to it.  And I listen to it a lot!" He empathised nodding hard trying to get his shirt   buttons undone.  Growling a little he gave up and flopped down on the floor.

Harry rolled his eyes "Come here baby" he smiled, fondly watching how Louis forgot his bum hurt to shuffle towards him on the floor so he could help him undress.

"When I saw the video I had a dream" Louis told him seriously "That you would one day walk into my life and make it better.  I think about it all the time, when I have a shit day, I sit in here an I look at your smiling face, listen to your songs and dream about that dream I had.  That's why this is my favourite place" 

"Did I make it better?" Harry leaned forward and kissed Louis softly, gazing into his soft eyes with rapt adoration.

"No" Louis answered immediately "You have made it the best it has ever been!"

Louis hummed slightly as he kissed Harry again, wrapping his bare around around his neck and his legs (his unbelievably fit, sexy thighs) around Harry's waist.

"Can we go to sleep now!" He asked, yawning widely into Harry's neck.

As quick as he could, Harry got rid of his shirt and skinnies, rolling under the thick duvet and gathering Louis up in his arms, pressing his chest as close to his bare back as he could get it.  He had learnt so much about Louis in such a short space of time and all of it added up to one thing that he already knew.  That he was one hundred per cent in love with Louis.  

His little one was asleep, making cute little snuffles and holding onto his hand tightly.  It was so stupid, but even with him in his arms so close, he already missed him, kissing his cheek, Harry willed himself to sleep quicker, even though his brain was churning with one particular surprising revelation.  He couldn't wait until morning when his baby was awake and they could talk more and cuddle and he could kiss him again.  This was what Harry had wanted all along.  

 

*Later that morning*

"If you want me..." Harry said "Im all yours"

Harry was biting down on the inside of his lip, he was already thinking the worst.  Louis wasn't saying anything and looking so small and scared and like he didnt know what to do.

He finally drew in a breath and gave the smallest of nods before throwing himself more into Harry, clawing his little fingers into his shoulder blades.

"I want that too" he choked into Harry's chest and Harry felt nothing but relief to hear those faint little words "I want you Haz"

 


	17. What Makes a Moment

"You ok boo?"

Jay pushed open the door to her son's room slowly and poked her head around it.

Louis lay still in the middle of his bed, legs stretched out and crossed at the ankles, arms folded under his head, eyes turned towards the celing in quiet contemplation.

"Yeah" he sighed softly, but he didnt look around.  Harry had only been gone for an hour, and he missed him already.  He knew Harry would have to go back soon...to his home...and his band...and his life...he knew this.  But after such a lovely day of kisses, cuddles, stupid jokes and messing about, his room was suddenly too quiet, too empty and too cold from the moment Harry left it.

"Is Harry going to let you know he got home safely?" Jay persisted, coming to sit down on the edge of his bed and giving his knee a comforting squeeze.

Louis nodded.  Harry had promised he'd text as soon as he got home, and if Louis wasn't asleep and text back he'd give him a call.

"Are you going to see him again?"

Louis' face brightened a little as he realised he'd neglected to tell his mum some very important information.

"Yeah...we 're...uh...we're kinda a thing now"

"You are?" Jay was taken aback "But you've only known him a few days!  I R L that is!" She added, trying to make a joke out of fear that she may have just insulted her boy.

Louis rolled his eyes at the gaming reference she'd used, for once in the right context, marvelling at how he really did now know Harry Styles in real life!

"Are you going to do some decorating before he comes back?" Jay continued looking around at all the pictures and posters of Harry "What did he think of your theme?"

Louis rolled over, making room for his mum to sit down properly.

"He said there should be less Zayn and more me" he grabbed his phone and opened to his photo album "Im gonna get these printed out tomorrow"

Jay took his phone and started flicking through the pictures that had obviously been taken today.  The majority had been taken by Harry judging by her son's blushing face as Harry kissed him on the temple, huge grins on both of their faces.  One of Louis laughing hysterically as he tried to give Harry a piggyback, picture taken in the full length mirror.  The smallest boy was bent almost double, Harry's long gangly body draped over it, stood on tip toes to make sure he didn't flatten him as he was obviously straining under his wright already.  

"He looks really fun" Jay smiled, not really looking at Harry, but instead looking at how happy Louis was "Oh Louis!" She suddenly exclaimed coming across the picture where Harry was drinking out of a One Direction mug and playing on Louis' computer.  "You did not seriously get Harry Styles playing World of Warcraft!"

"He wanted to" Louis defended himself taking his phone back and smiling at how cute Harry looked when he concentrated.  In the next picture he looked huffy and was pouting because he'd died again and in the next he had kidnapped the camera to take a picture of both of them kissing, noses smooshed together, identical smiles.  Awww! Louis missed him so much already!

"Have you told your brother yet?" Jay asked nonchalantly looking around the room, avoiding Louis' eyes.

"Tell him what?" Louis asked shortly, feeling a stubborn fit coming on.

"About you and Harry.  He'll be so excited for you Lou, he knows how much you like him!"

"No" Louis rejected the idea flatly "I don't want him to know"

"Sweetheart?  Why can't you try with him?  It's been so long now, and he loves you so much"

"Mum, can't you drop it?  Face it, we are never going to get along.  And I don't want him to know about Harry and I...he'll only try and get in the way and ruin it"

Jay started to look very uncomfortable "I might have already told him sweetheart" she told him regretfully.

Louis groaned "What did he say to that?" he asked "Did he want to meet him or something?"

"He said he wished you would have told him so he could tell you how happy for you he is"

Louis turned to face the wall (and Harry) and grunted something that sounded like "yeah right"

"Baby, please make an effort with him" his mum wheedled, wishing that her boys got along as well as they had done when they were little "He's really been trying with you lately and you're not making any effort at all"

 

Louis felt irritated.  He had been missing Harry enough as it was, without having his mum remind him how bad a person he was for not wanting to talk to his annoyance of a sibling.  He didn't want William, he didn't need William... Why didn't she just give up?

His mum seemed to read his mind. "I'll leave you alone baby" she told him, giving him a quick kiss on the cheek "Don't wait up too late for Harry to call"

Louis nodded, giving his mum a small hug to let her know he wasn't cross with her - once she had closed the door behind her, he got out his phone again, flicking through his and Harry's photos over and over again, wondering in the back of his mind if maybe it was time to text his brother - if only for his mums sake.  But the thought quickly passed...

 

It was well past midnight when Harry eventually got home.  He'd started the drive quite cheerfully for he was still giddy from the hugs and kisses he'd made sure he got plenty of from his beautiful new boyfriend.  But as the miles ticked over, and he felt himself drive further and further away, the small little spot of irritation in his chest started to swell, and by the time he got home he just felt miserable - because he was so happy.  It was  ridiculous!

It was just...his house was empty, and Harry felt lonely.  Dumping his bags in the hall, he went straight up to his bedroom, stripping off his t-shirt and skinnies and jumping straight into his bed with his iphone, shivering as his warm bare skin, hit the cold cotton of his sheets.

 

Harry (12:14am):  hey baby, you're probably asleep.  I just got home and am missing you so much! Sleep well, let me know when you're on lunch tomorrow so I can call you xxx

 

He snuggled down in bed, flicking though the new photos of Louis.  His phone buzzed in his hand, but it wasn't Louis returning his message like he hoped it would have been.  

It was William.

 

Will (12:37am):  You home yet?

Harry (12:38am):  Yup, why?

Will (12:40am):  I'm coming over, I'll be with you in ten.

 

Harry frowned.  Will hadn't spoken to him, replied to his messages, and had basically ignored him ever since Harry had told him about sending his twin flowers.  

Groaning, he threw back the covers, so much for a nice couple of hours going over every moment of interaction he'd had with his boyfriend over the last few days.  He padded downstairs and set up camp on the bottom set, knowing Will was never one to hang about when he had his mind set on something.

"Alright?" Will greeted, stoney faced and abrupt as Harry opened the door to him about five minutes later.

"I'm great" shrugged Harry, feeling the wave of tension that followed Will into his hallway and up the stairs.

"Of course you are" the sarcasm was just dripping off Will's tongue "After all, you are fucking my brother!"

"What is it with you Tomlinson's and fucking?" Harry murmured "When did the romance die?"

Will had waltzed from the stairs, through to Harry's bedroom and threw his coat and bag into the corner, like so many times previously.

"I got a very interesting call from my mother" he reported to Harry, tearing his shirt off and unbuttoning his trousers "Apparently not only did you take him on" his voice turned the most sarcastic it had ever been "the most romantic date in the world, but you got him drunk at a party and stayed the night!"

"It's like you were there" Harry just watched as William scratched his bare inner thigh before jumping under the covers.  If it had been Louis standing there, in nothing but tight briefs on and a smug smile - Harry would have been all over him in seconds.  Looking at William's near naked body had the same allure as his own - none at all!

"I still can't believe you had the nerve to do this" William growled, cuddled up on his side of the bed and watching Harry with a mutinous gleam in his eyes "and behind my fricking back!"

"Quite comfortably, I had your more attractive brother in my arms!"

 

His expression softened though, and suddenly it was like Louis was in the bed and not William - all his bravado vanishing into thin air.

"How is he?" William asked Harry seriously, hugging his pillow tightly to his chest and gazing across the space to where Harry lay watching him closely.

"Perfect" shrugged Harry happily, dazzling William with his obnoxious display of dimples "He's absolutely amazing"

"You're not just fucking him right?"

"Fucks sake Will!" Harry snapped, tuning his back on the boy "I would not treat Louis like that!"

"It would massively help me out if you were" William stated, he reached out with his little Louis shaped fingers and tapped Harry on his shoulder "I'd beat the crap out of you and it would all be over!" He laughed.  Harry glowered.

"Tell me about him?" William asked, looking quite pleading, and a little like his twin when he was shy.

"what do you want to know?" asked Harry, sympathetically looking into his friends bright blue eyes.

William shrugged "Something honest about him?  Mum only tells me crap to keep me happy"

"Why don't you just call him?" asked Harry bluntly "I can't help but think that this isn't going to be such a big deal if you just sat down and had a chat"

"Tell him that" William spat out crossly "I bet he didn't even mention me at all"

"well... He kinda did" Harry shifted uncomfortably "Said he was worried I'd meet you and like you better"

William's face cracked into a sarcastic smile "Drunk?"

"Drunk" Harry confirmed, he tiredly yawned and stretched "You never told me he was a fan" he commented "was well weird going into his room"

William rolled his eyes "well I didn't think you would ever find out did I"

"Will, I really am falling for Louis" Harry told him seriously, staring up at the ceiling "He's just so perfect for me.  He gets this little look when he smiles that just makes me melt on the inside.  He's shy, and he doesn't give himself enough credit" he turned to Will, looking concerned "he thinks that people don't like him" he reported "he's on his own most of the time playing this game...social stuff makes him really nervous.  I can help him with that.  I can be good for him"

Both boys fell silent, thinking about Louis, miles away, completely unaware that this meeting/conversation was even taking place.  Although they didn't tell each other, it made both of them feel quite guilty that they were in some way deceiving him.

"Tell me something good?" Asked William suddenly.

Harry smiled.  That he could do.  But instead he picked up his phone and passed it to Louis' twin, showing and talking him through every photo that they had taken over the last few days.

"He looks really happy" William commented, it sounded hard for him to say "I haven't seen him look like that in ages"

"Maybe I make him happy" suggested Harry preening at his own thoughts.

"You need to stop that" muttered William "This isn't going to work mate"

"why not?"

William sat up in bed "you know why.  Harry!  I cannot let you keep seeing my brother!"

Harry sat up besides him "Will.  I am not going to stop seeing him because it's inconvenient to you"

"But it could ruin me!"

Harry screwed up his eyes "Will, trust me, it is going to do nothing to you.  If anyone is going to loose out it's going to be me.  Trust me, you are completely safe in this situation"

"you can't promise that" Will reminded him and flopped back into bed, moaning dramatically.

"I'm the one in bed with my boyfriends brother"

"Indeed, you should spoon me and ill take a picture"

"go fuck yourself"

"seriously what are we going to you about my brother?"

Harry rolled over to face Will again.  His heart ached as he reminded himself how far away from him Louis really was.

"I'm going to love him and make him happy.  You're going to make up with him and tell him the truth....like you should have done at the start!"

"Did you ever wonder why I lied about it all?" William asked testily "He already hated me by then, why make it worse"

"I don't care.  He's my boyfriend and i love him, you are my best friend and I love you... sort it out!"

"I'm your best friend?" Will sounded surprised and a little bit chuffed.

"of course you are" Harry yawned tiredly "now shut up, we've got a big day tomorrow" 

The bigger boy rolled far away from his boyfriends twin brother, hugging his pillow tightly, moments later his phone began to vibrate under his pillow.  On the other side of the bed, William grumbled, even more so when Harry slapped him on the arm and told him to shut up or get out!

"Hey baby" he whispered huskily, little bumps pricking at his skin as he heard Louis' sleepy but happy voice "are you okay?"

Will was persistently tapping on his wrist, trying to get his attention.  After trying several times, each getting shrugged off by an increasingly hacked off Harry, who just wanted a nice chat with his baby! Will threw up his hands in obvious silent annoyance, then typed something quickly onto his phone, shoving it in Harry's face.

 

please put him on speaker phone.  I miss his voice.

Harry made a small face, but he did what William asked of him, still holding the phone up to his mouth.

"So I was thinking that maybe you could come?  I mean it's a few weeks away..." Louis' happy little voice came through the speaker "It's not much notice and by then we..."

"I would love to come" Harry insisted, talking about Louis' company Christmas dinner which he'd just been invited to "let me know when it is and ill make sure I can come"

"Wow!  Really?" 

Harry couldn't help but chuckle at how excited his baby sounded.

"Anything for my boyfriend" Harry insisted, knowing how happy it made Louis just to hear him call him that "If it makes you happy I'll do it"

"In that case I really should've started with something bigger!" Louis laughed "You know Hazza, I've always wanted a puppy!"

"Your mum would kill me" Harry pointed out dryly, thinking of how adorable Louis would be if he actually turned up at his house with a puppy for him.  He just knew it would be called either Haz or Stylinson in no time!

"Why a puppy out of everything you could possibly ask for?"

"Mans best friend" Louis told him swiftly "And someone to cuddle up to when you're not here"

"Aww baby, you know I'd be there if I could"

 

Louis started chatting, his little voice banging on about what they could do when they next got together.  Harry listened carefully, but his upmost attention was on the boy next to him, lying against his pillow on his side, staring at the phone with eyes full of longing, shining with unshed tears.  Without making too much noise, Harry carefully slipped an arm around William's shoulders, pulling him close to his body - the only form of comfort he could give - pressing his lips briefly against the smaller boys forehead.  William didn't resist, one hand snaking over his friends bare tummy, clutching hold of his hip tightly.

"Babe, I'm really sorry, but can we carry this on tomorrow?" Harry asked suddenly, getting the impression that William wasn't going to be able to stay quiet for much longer "You've got to get up early and I know how busy you are"

Louis didn't mind.  "Sleep well Hazza" he yawned out, suddenly feeling how tired he was, and finally comfortable now he'd spoken to Harry "Have fun tomorrow"

"You too baby" Harry replied fondly "I'll call you later"

He waited for Louis to end the call, and then carefully put his phone on charge before turning to face William, who was rigid and uncomfortable in his embrace, staring his bird tattoo out.  He could feel wetness on his skin.

"Hey, you ok?" asked Harry gently, lifting his chin with his index finger and looking into the usually calm, confident and arrogant blue eyes that not looked distantly venerable.

William shook his head a little.

"Did you realise what you're missing?  You could have this too?" Harry reminded him, keeping his voice soft and his eyes unblinking with sincerity.

"I've always known what I'm missing" William voiced tonelessly, looking at Harry, but looking through him, his mind full of another boy who looked exactly like himself "I really miss him"

"Text him" Harry leaned across William and picked up his phone where he'd discarded of it on the bedside table, prising the little fingers off his hip and pushing the device into them "We know he's awake, just send him a nice text and see what happens"

"He won't reply" William told him obstinately, the phone hanging loosely in his hand, barely grasping it.

Harry just about stopped himself from sighing, wriggled down the bed, so he was nose to nose with William "Please Will, try for me?" he pleaded "We need to sort this out, and I can't help you"

"You're being selfish Harry"

"I know, but I am in a relationship with Louis.  You have to understand that I'm not going to be giving him up.  He's the one Will, and things will be a lot easier on us if we can just cut all this bullshit out and have everything out in the open"

"Give me one good reason why I should"

Out of habit, William hooked one of his legs over Harry's hip, pushing himself deliberately into his embrace.  Nose pressed into his neck, smelling warmth and sandalwood and his best friend.  Harry bit his lip, thinking about what he'd learned over the weekend, and wondering if he should divulge it to the person who deserved to know the information the most.  It could be the one thing that would push William in the right direction, or it could be the one thing that made him give up completely.

"His favourite song is 'Moments' " he whispered in William's ear, wrapping his arms quickly around the boy and pulling him a tight hug, hoping to constrict any sudden movements that he was expecting.

A sharp jolt of William's head clunked his jaw and made his teeth snap.

"What?" William sounded faint, eyes stormy with unasked questions.

"He told me the other night"  Harry explained, stroking the back that was now quivering under his touch, William squirming in his arms, but he wasn't about to let him go "He said it was beautiful and it meant something to him when he listened to it"  he paused "I had a quick look at his playlist" he added quickly, feeling he had to speak fast, or William would refuse to let him finish "He's listened to it so many times, it's almost double the amount of his second most played track"

"I thought he was going to die" 

William had weakened, realising that Harry was not going to let go of him, and instead let himself embrace the comfort and love Harry was siphoning out of himself and into his fragile heart.

"I know love"

"I wrote it on the way up to see you"  William needlessly recounted "I'd already written the music...sorta...I had a thing going with it...and I was trying to make something fit to it, and it was so hard, because it was so much bigger than the emotion that I was capable of writing..and then..."

Harry moved, shifting himself up the bed so he was sat upright, back against the cushioned headboard.  In one swoop, William was sat between his legs, leaning back against Harry's chest, gripping the muscular arms that surrounded his small frame.

"Mum called me" William continued "She was just crying...so hard...and I just knew it was Lou...she just sounded so broken and I couldn't really hear what she was saying...I just heard her say his name...got on the first train home"

William was full on crying now, wetting Harry's skin, wiping his nose against his forearm.  Harry said nothing, he knew the story well, every now and then William would need to retell it, get it out of his system until it built up inside him again.

"He just looked so...dead...inside and out...mum and I sat with him whilst he was asleep.  She held his hand...I had my hand on his leg over the blanket.  It felt so fucking skinny and small"  a snarl of anger hissed from William's lips at the memory "I actually had a go at her right there next to the bed...he looked like shit!  His face was sunken...his eyes were purple like he'd been punched in the face...his collarbones were sticking out, and I bet you'd be able to count his ribs underneath that stupid hospital gown.  Mum cried when she saw me Harry.  Because she remembered how Louis was meant to look!"

William kicked out with his legs as an act of frustration, Harry calmly raised his, resting them over William's, holding them down, trying to make him feel safe.

"I was so angry that she hadn't told me how bad it had got.  All I knew was that he was a bit sad because someone had dumped him.  But she told me that he was fine.  But he fucking wasn't!  She fucking watched him get lower and lower and the only time she told me was when he was in hospital because he'd tried to fucking kill himself!"

"Babe...maybe you should stop" whispered Harry, carding his fingers through his hair, making shushing noises in his ear.  William had gotten upset before, but he had never told him about this part of the story before, and he'd never been so angry.

"I still can't believe it" William ignored Harry, but his nails dug into his arm, signalling his resilience "I can't believe that he actually did try to take his own life and I can't believe I wasn't there to see the warning signs and just stop him!" wrenching himself out of Harry's grip, he turned sitting on Harry's legs and glaring at his face "I wanted to be there for him" he insisted, raising his voice a little, words spitting out of his mouth like an automatic spitting bullets "I wanted to be there when he woke up, and I wanted to hug his poor little body and kiss his face and promise him that I would never leave him again and I'd always be there for him, and tell him how much I fucking loved him!" he stopped, slightly breathless, running a shaky hand through his fringe "And then he woke up...and he looked at me...and...and..." a sob escaped "I realised...that if he had died...he would have died hating me...because he was lying there...looking at me as though he wanted me dead!"

Throwing himself off of Harry, William jumped up off the bed, pacing around the room, head down, hands grasping his hair, tugging at it.

Scrambling up onto his knees on top of the covers, Harry shuffled to the edge of the bed.  Waiting for the moment he'd be needed.

"I just sat there"  William had stopped pacing and was starting at Harry "I didn't know what to do or what to say to him.  The way he looked at me, just sucked every thought out of my head.  I can still see him Harry!  Just glaring at me like I was the worst possible person in the world!"

"Will..." Harry tried to say, but was silenced

"I couldn't go back with mum to our house" William continued, watching the floor and twisting his fingers in his hands "I didn't want to see...where....I couldn't...so I got on a train and just came to you...because...well...no one knew about you...and they wouldn't know I was with you..and I just wanted to be alone"  he began to shuffle slowly over to the bed, to where Harry was kneeling up at the edge "I had a piece of paper..and was just doodling...anything to stop my head from thinking about it...but he was all I could think about...Louis...my Louis...and then...the words just came to me.  I couldn't actually write them down quick enough!" cautiously, he stood in front of Harry, looking down at the bedsheets between his slightly parted knees.  Harry raised one of his large hands and cupped William's cheek.  "And that's how Moments was written" he finished simply, giving in to the need to cry, throwing himself against Harry's chest whilst the younger boy wrapped his arms protectively around his shoulders, holding him close, stroking his back, trying to make soothing words in his ear  "it's the best song I've ever written" he stuttered, mouthing at Harry's shoulder "and it's about my identical twin brother committing suicide and how useless I was as a brother, because I wasn't there for him"

"You're not a useless brother!" Harry exclaimed outraged at his friend's claims "You're the most loving, caring brother I have ever met!  And I am a brother!"

"I wasn't...I'm not enough" William wept bitterly, clinging onto Harry as though he was a life raft.

"I would be everything for him if needed it.  It's all there in the fucking song!"

"your life, your voice, your reason to be" choked Harry, the emotion of the moment finally hitting him

"My love, my heart..." William tried to finish, but was caught when an extra large sob caught in his throat, words dying in his throat "I'll find the words to say, before you leave me today"

"He didn't leave you" tears streamed down Harry's cheeks as he held his friend, unashamedly crying in his arms "Louis' alive and he's fine"

"But I never found the words Harry!  I never told him!  I can never tell him!" a fury flashed through his eyes as he wrenched his head back "You can never tell him that the song is about him!  He doesn't know I write!  He doesn't know I write for you and he can't know that we're friends!"

"But why not!" Harry was begging again "He should know!  It's about his life, it's his song!  For fucks sake Will, I've been singing about him for three years!" he tried to quieten his trembling "It shows how much you love him!  How much you care for him!"

"No" William replied shortly, but he didn't let go of Harry

"So you are just going to carry on and let 'Ed Sheeran' take all the credit for your work?"

"It's my only option" William told him helplessly "It's been going on for too long now"

"You know I'm going to be with him forever right?"

They lay down, cuddled under the duvet, both still trembling and utterly exhausted from the anxiety of the situation.

"You're still going to need me right?"

"What?"  Harry had no idea what William was talking about

"Well...you have Lou now...why would you want me around when you can have him?  We both know he's the better twin"

Harry grabbed hold of his wrists, parting them so he could look right into William's worrying little face.

"Babe, I'm always going to need you!  Don't get me wrong, I love Louis so much and I will do anything for him.  But I'm never going to stop being your best friend.  I love you!"

"I love you too" William admitted "But how..."

"We'll sort it all out as it comes" Harry promised, his mind in turmoil as to how he was going to be able to keep his promise to William about keeping their friendship a secret and carry on being his best friend if he was in a romantic, serious relationship with Louis.

 

Before William nodded off to sleep, he picked up his phone from the side and mindlessly opened his messages.

To Louis:  I love you and I miss you bro xx

 

When he woke up the next morning, there was a message from Louis waiting for him.  One look at it and it made him cry, hurt and despair clawing at his soul as he curled into Harry's comforting body, who read the message with a heavy heart and a concerned frown on his face that he couldn't hide.

 

Louis:  Go fuck yourself

 


	18. Louis and William Tomlinson

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for the comments you all left me and the kudos! I know it's a cliche, but it really does do wonders for my enthusiasm (and self esteem) when you write me comments and kudos. I hope this chapter is well received, really worked hard on it!
> 
> Thank you for reading :):):)

Born on the 26th December, Louis William and William Louis Tomlinson were the most gorgeous, cutest, smilest, sweetest identical twin boys ever born.  Jay's proudest achievement, and the best Christmas present she ever had and ever would receive.

Right from the start they were inseparable. Within a few weeks, their different personalities were beginning to show, becoming clear that although they were cosmetically the same looking boy, inside they were completely different people entirely.

Louis was the quieter, shyer baby.  He hardly ever cried, only whimpering when he was away from his louder, adventurous twin William - always wanting to see, touch and get into everything - who even as a baby was very protective over his brother.

This continued when they were toddlers.  William started walking first, discovering he could when Louis was lying on his tummy on the floor, desperately trying to stretch his little arms to grab hold of his favourite teddy bear, when William suddenly grabbed hold of the edge of the settee. Pulling himself onto unsteady, pudgy legs and shakily, but bravely, he tottered two steps forward and grabbed the bear.  He fell down on his bum, but with a firm look of determination in his young eyes, William got up on his feet once more, managing to drop the bear into Louis' outstretched hands before collapsing next to his twin brother who was giggling and grinning from ear to ear.

When they started school, William held Louis' hand on the first day, giving him hugs when he was nervous, helping him hang up his coat and bag in the cloakroom and helping him find a teacher when he fell on the playground and scraped his knee.  They sat next to each other in class, Louis making sure that William worked as much as he talked to the other children - who he easily made friends with, dragging Louis with him and making him join in games, aware that Louis' shyness would hold him back unless he actively helped him.

Whilst Louis enjoyed school, reading and listening to music,  William loved sport and anything that got him dirty - their only common ground was that whatever one of them was doing, the other wanted to do it too, and their acceptance of their obvious differences only bonded them closer together, so even though they eventually got their own friends - they were always the best and no one else even came a close second.  

Growing up they shared everything, clothes, toys, secrets, squashed into one little bedroom because they didn't want to sleep apart - even when they argued, they promised to never go to sleep angry, Jay used to going to sleep hearing the irritated hiss of harsh whispers - but the next day, it was like nothing had happened, Jay would walk into the kitchen to see Louis making them both breakfast and William styling his twins hair so it looked exactly like his.

When they were sixteen, they made plans for the future.  Louis knew he had to work hard to make sure William got the right exam results to make sure they were both going to go to the same sixth form and then the same university.  There was so much to look forward to, living together in their joint flat, meeting new friends in a new city, and doing it all together.  It was going to be perfect, and it already was, until Louis got his first boyfriend - and everything went to hell.

Louis wasn't even worried about telling William he was gay, in fact, he didn't even need to tell him.  They had been walking home from school through the local park.

"Lou!" hissed William suddenly, a teasing grin tweaking the corners of his mouth "That guy's here with his dog again"

Louis didn't need to look around to see.  He knew exactly who William was referring to, and he felt his cheeks redden.  He'd been exchanging smiles and blushes with this guy for weeks on his way home.

"Go talk to him Lou!"  William suggested "I know you like him, and the way he's drooling - he most definitely likes you!"

Louis, who had carefully looked around, straight into the deep brown eyes on the smiling face - the one that flitted through his mind at least ten times a day.  He blushed as the guy winked at him.

"I can't!" Louis shuffled his feet, embarrassed.  He wouldn't know what to say.  But before he knew what was happening, William was stomping off in the guys direction.

"William!" he squeaked, wanting to hurry after him, stop him, but that would involve getting closer to the beautiful man "Get back here!"

But William didn't even look back.

"Hey!" he announced in his most confident, outspoken voice "I'm Will, you've been checking out my brother for ages and thought maybe it would be a good time for you to meet him!"

The effect was instant - whereas Louis wanted a shovel to appear out of thin air, so he could personally dig his own grave - brown eyes laughed heartily.

"I'm Mark" he told William, who smiled smugly and retorted with

"Tell him that, I'm not interested mate!"

Mark looked past William to where Louis was fidgeting on the path, giving a small tug on his dogs lead to urge it to follow.

"Hi" he smiled at Louis through long black eyelashes "It's great to finally meet you..." He faltered, looking quizzically, waiting for Louis to...

"His name's Louis!" William stage whispered from behind, rolling his eyes comically from behind, shit eating grin fully functioning on his over cheery face.

"Hi Louis" Mark smiled gently.

"Uh...hi...uh..." Louis squeaked, clearly out of his comfort zone.

"Mark" brown eyes reminded him sweetly, "And this..." He indicated to the Alsation at his feet "Is Tuppence"

Still Louis had forgotten how to speak.  Giving a panicky glance at William.

William groaned, but stuffed his hands into his pockets and approached the pair.

"So Mark" he shrugged "This is my brother Louis.  He's sixteen, he's into music, films, dog walking and when he opens his mouth he's actually really funny.  He's also rather easy on the eye!" he sniggered "Even if I do say so myself!"

Louis looked mortified, Mark seemed charmed, his eyes never leaving his face.

Silence.  Until.

"Phone?" William demanded, holding his hand out to Mark "Relax" his eyes rolled again "Im just gonna put his number in it.  As much fun as this is, I have maths coursework due tomorrow and someone needs to help me with it" he tapped in the number and handed it back to Mark "He's free Friday night and he'll be waiting for your text" he stated, ignoring the wide eyes and red face of his twin "Dont keep him waiting Marky boy - he's a catch!  You don't want to miss out!"

And having said that, William grabbed Louis' arm and dragged him off, Louis just managing to wave a brief goodbye and muster a small timid smile.

Mark clearly didn't want to miss out.  He text Louis before they got home inviting him for a coffee and a walk in the park with Tuppence on Friday night!

 

Mark was wonderful.  They got together at their first date and saw each other daily thereafter.  Mark would hang out with the twins at school and afterwards Louis would hang out with his friends, who were as friendly and welcoming to both Louis and William as Mark had been.

For a two whole blissful years, Louis and Mark basked in a happy, exclusive relationship, always talking about their future together and how happy they were going to be.

They had their first and last fight on the evening of Louis and William's sixth form leavers ball.  Dressed up in their best suits, Louis went with Mark and William brought a girl called Amber, who he had dated on and off for a few months.

The ball was taking place at an exclusive hotel on the edge of town and both couples had decided to book a room and stay the night.  Louis was beyond excited, feeling properly grown up at the prospect.

The night started off really well.  They had a good sit down dinner and chatted with their classmates, all knowing that in a few months they would all separate for the first time in years to go to different university's all over the country.  It was sad to say goodbye to the old, but Louis was more than ready to say hello to his future.

After some short speeches made by various teachers, the lights changed to technicolor and room was cleared for the dance floor, loud club music being pumped through the speakers.

"I've got a surprise for you" Mark whispered in Louis' ear, snaking his arms around his waist and pressing a soft kiss to his neck "Come with me a sec"

He led Louis outside to the balcony, away from the loud music and chatter, sitting him down on a nearby picnic table.

"Hold out your hands and close your eyes" 

Mark sounded almost giddy with excitement.

Louis shut his eyes, held out his hands and almost immediately felt something feather light land in them.

"Ok, open them!"

Louis opened his eyes and looked down, seeing an envelope in his hands.  An envelope with his name and Mark's address on it.

"What's this?" He asked confused.

"Read it!" Mark demanded happily, bouncing up and down in his seat.

Frowning, Louis opened the already broken seal and pulled out an official looking letter.  From University of York.

 

Dear Mr Tomlinson,

We are pleased to inform you that you have been accepted to University of York....

 

Louis stopped reading, feeling more confused than ever.

"What is this?" He asked weakly, staring at the letter in disbelief.

"Isnt it fantastic!" Mark enthused, missing his boyfriends lukewarm response in his own excitement "I know you didn't apply because you don't take rejection well, and York is an amazing place, so I did it for you" he beamed at Louis "and you got in so now you can come and live with me! I've found us a flat already!  Wow it has been so hard keeping this a secret, but I didn't want you to get your hopes up!"

Louis barely heard him, thoughts were running through his head, enough to make his feet hurt!

"But I'm going to Cardiff" he said dumbly.

"Now you don't have to!" Mark told him gleefully pulling the smaller boy onto his lap "you can go to a better school and we can live together!  Mum, unfortunately, won't let me bring Tuppy, but I was thinking we could get a puppy! And..." He kissed Louis' neck seductively "I'll get to wake up to you and your gorgeous body every single morning!"

The kisses that usually turned Louis into a quivering mess, did nothing.

"But I wanted to go to Cardiff" he said slowly, leaning out of the reach of Mark's lips ever so slightly "I got in and it was my first choice"

"Only because you didn't think you could get into York" Mark shrugged kissing the tip of Louis' nose "But I believe in you baby, so I did it for you!  Besides, how could I possibly not see you every day!  I would miss you so much!"

"I thought we could each other at weekends" Louis suggested quietly.

"Good job I applied for you then!" Mark pretended to wipe his brow "I need to see more of my sexy little boyfriend than that!"

"But...erm...Will didnt apply for York" Louis said calmly "We applied for Cardiff together" 

Mark shrugged, thumbing at Louis' cheeks.

"He can come stay with us sometimes.  It doesn't matter if he still goes to Cardiff and you come to York"

"But I wanted to go to uni with Will" Louis protested "We've been planning it for ages.  I'm so sorry love, I really appreciate the effort you've gone to, but I want to go to Cardiff with Will, and that's where I'm going"

 

Mark opened and shut his mouth a couple of times - speechless.

"You're joking" he said finally, mustering up an uncertain smile " very funny Lou!"

"I'm not joking" Louis quietly slid off Mark's lap "I'm sorry love, I really love you, but I don't want to change our plans"

"But what about our plans?" Mark demanded, looking a little miffed at Louis' response "What about you and me Lou?  What about our plans?  We always planned to live together!  Why not now?  The timing is perfect"

"After uni" Louis protested, feeling really bad at how upset and disappointed Mark looked, but also determined to stick to his guns "We planned for after uni, you always knew what I was going to do"

"So you don't want me then?" asked Mark flatly, feeling incredibly shunned at what he had considered a loving and romantic gesture.

"Babe, of course I want you!" Louis exclaimed, grabbing hold of his hands.

"But you don't want to move in with me" Mark glowered "You'd rather go to uni with your brother and forget I exist!"

"I would never forget about you!"

"Then stop doing what Will wants hand come with me" Mark begged "Please Lou, I love you so much!"

"But I want to go with Will.  We've never been apart before"

"Thats the most pathetic excuse I have ever heard" Mark bit, snatching his hand away from Louis' "Why don't you just get it out of the way and break up with me now eh?  Why drag it out any longer?"

"What?  That's the last thing I want!"

"Come to York with me then!" Mark told him fiercely "Prove it by coming and being with me instead of sodding off to Cardiff with your brother like some kind of lap dog!"

"I'm not a lap dog!" Louis squeaked "it's what I want"

"so you do want to break up with me?" Mark sat back, folding his arms abruptly, chin stuck out in a determined manner.

"No!  That's the last thing I want!" 

"Look, Lou.  I know you and William are close.  But he isn't everything.  When are you going to get a life and stop hanging onto him?  He's just your brother.  Plenty of people can survive without their siblings!  Why can't you?"

"It's different" Louis protested, feeling slightly sick.  He was not a confrontational kind of boy and he hated the sound of anger in his boyfriend's voice "We're twi..."

"Oh shut up with the whole twin thing!" exploded Mark, getting to his feet "Just face it, you are never going to put me first are you!  Even after all the effort I put in to make sure that we could go to university in the same place, and live together and be together like a proper couple!  When are you going to start living your life and sever yourself from that flipping shackle!"

"He's not a shackle!" snapped Louis, feeling angry himself about how Mark was talking about his twin "He's my brother and he's my best friend!"

"He's a shackle!" roared Mark, quite uncharacteristically "Fucking man up Louis!"

"I am a man!" Louis squeaked, he stood up too, quivering with the strain of so many upsetting things happening all at once "I'm a man and I'm going to Cardiff because I don't just want to see my brother every so often!  I want to hang out with my best friend every day!"

This was clearly the wrong thing to say.

"But you were happy enough to only see me at weekends?"  Mark demanded, face reddening with irritation "I've been with you for two fucking years!  I've seen you every day for two fucking years and because that little twat wants to go to Cardiff you're throwing away the chance for us to grow as a couple?"

"It's different..."

"Fine!" snapped Mark and shoved Louis away from him "Then consider us broken up then!  I don't want to be with a selfish, pathetic, snivelling little lap dog!  You've made your choice!  Now get the fuck away from me!"

"Mark!" tears streamed down Louis' cheeks as he realised exactly what Mark was saying to him "Mark please!  We need to talk about this!"

But Mark was striding back inside, Louis following him at a ran, pushing past couples, pleading with him, not caring who heard him cry out Mark's name.

Mark strode out into the entrance hall, Louis still at his heels.

"Mark!  Love!  Please!  Don't do this!"  Louis begged, clutching hold of Mark's jacket in his tight little fists "Mark I love you, please don't leave me!"

Mark turned on Louis, grabbing his wrist and ripping it away from his clothes, leaning down to put his face right up against Louis'.

"Get the fuck away from me!" he growled "I am sick of loving you and getting nothing in return!"

With a final snarl, he put his hand right in the middle of his chest and shoved him back into the wall, before turning on his heel and stalking out of the front door.

 

Louis crumpled.  Sinking down the wall, until he was crouched, head between his knees, feeling faint, not quite able to believe what had happened.

"Lou?"

A cool hand clutched on the back of his head.  William had found him.  Carefully, William helped Louis get to his feet, his face awash with concern at Louis' streaming eyes, whimpering mouth and flushed cheeks.

"Where's Mark?"

Louis burst into tears.

William swore quietly, looked around him, then put his arm around Louis.

"Come on bro.  Let's go upstairs and have a little chat"

Louis let him lead them up to the room he'd booked with Mark.  The thought of it just made him cry harder.  Once inside the room, Louis sat down on the ground, leaning back against the bed,  William sitting cross legged in front of him.  Just like he always did when Louis was upset.

"What's happened?" he demanded "Where's Mark?"

Stuttering, whimpering, sobbing and coughing, Louis struggled to recount everything that had been exchanged between him and Mark.  William's face went from curious concern, to shock and finally anger as he learnt of everything that Mark had spat out at his brother.  Exclaiming with outrage when Louis told him that Mark had actually had the nerve to lay a hand on him.

"The fucking little shit!" he growled, looking venomous as he got to his feet, looking every inch of disgusted as he felt towards Louis' boyfriend "How dare he lay a finger on you!  Where the fuck is he?  I'm going to pound his face into the fucking wall!"

"No!" cried out Louis, grabbing William's arm, wishing his twin wasn't so over protective and fearless sometimes.  It had been just like this in school - no one had dared to even stick their tongue out at Louis after William had pushed a boy called Peter down in the playground, who had actually had the nerve to trip Louis up whilst they were playing football right in front of his brother - everyone knew of William's fiercely protective streak.

"Will don't!  Please don't hurt him!' he scrabbled for Will's arm, but Will was too caught up in his own anger.  Feeling every insult that had been hurled at Louis as an insult to himself too.  How dare this boy do something like that behind his twin's back and then say those things just because Louis had told him no!  What kind of man did that to someone he loved - and he's actually dared to shove him about!  William's eyes flashed with anger as he reached for the door knob.....

 

*Five years later*

 

Louis awoke panting and breathless. Chest heaving, a cold sweat soaking his skin, his t-shirt sticking to him.

A violent shiver racked through his quivering body as he groped with one hand to switch on his bedside light, desperate to be out of the dark and banish the images in his hectic mind that went with it.

The warming glow of the spotlight made his eyes water with the sudden brightness, struggling to sit up, his legs tangled in his sheets where he had expected he must have been thrashing around in his sleep. The light glinted on the edging of the silver frame, proudly the centre piece of his bedside table, and it only took a split second for him to grab it with a clumsy hand, cuddling into the thick covers, trying cocoon himself with the picture of him and Harry, feeling for his scarf under his pillow to bury his nose in, trying to pretend that he didnt feel fear, but the love and kindness that just oozed out of Harry in his presence.

Harry would keep him safe, Harry would have held him and kissed him, stroked his damp fringe out of his eyes and told him nice things to keep his breathing nice and even, his heart from pounding out of his chest and his wandering thoughts to take a break and leave him be - if only for a short time.

Harry. Beautiful, gorgeous, kind, generous, thoughtful Harry. His boyfriend. His actual boyfriend. Or was he? Did that happen? or was it something cruel his evil brain had concocted whilst he was sleeping?

Not thinking to check the time, he reached for his phone, there was a message from "Hazza" but he needed more than a message. Louis needed to hear his voice.  That slow, languid, hot chocolate rich and smooth tone, that he now considered his voice of reason - his reason to be.

Hiding under the covers, fully encompassed in their warmth and security, he listened to the dialling tone, trying to ignore the screaming in his ears of his inner demons, who were trying their best to convince him that Harry wouldn't want to answer.

"Hey baby"

Warmth, rich undiluted warmth inched through his veins as Louis heard Harry's voice.

"Hi" Louis breathed, his fingers thawing and relaxing around the handset, heart melting instead of racing, demons sulking at his good fortune in the depths of his soul. Harry was here, everything would be fine now.

They talked, Louis babbled, not really knowing what he was saying. He kept his eyes tightly shut, Harry's scarf snug around his neck, breathing in his smell and trying to pretend that he was really next to him and not miles away.

Insecurity was chipping away at his self esteem, making it hard to concentrate on not breaking down over his nightmare and beg and plead for Harry to come over.

It was stupid, Harry couldn't come, but he needed to know that he wanted to see Louis again.

It was the first thing that came into his head. The staff Christmas dinner. It wasn't a massive event - sometimes he didnt even go, but it would be inviting Harry to something. He needed a yes.

The relief he felt was unimaginable. Harry wanted him. He called him his boyfriend. He was Harry's boyfriend and the boy hadn't even hesitated. He hadnt made up an excuse. He was coming - because it would make his boyfriend happy!

After that Louis began to feel a bit better, chatting about what they could do together the next time, and Harry listened, putting forward his own suggestions until he regretfully requested that they finish this call off later. Louis quickly agreed. He didnt want to upset Harry, and he had got what he wanted and said goodnight.

But there was no way he was going to fall asleep now. The nightmare he'd stumbled into was still too fresh in his mind - everytime he closed his eyes he could still see, hear, feel....it made his skin crawl, his nerves shake as they were stretched to their limit.

Turning on the television, volume on low so he wouldn't wake up his mum, Louis shuffled to the end of his bed and hoisted himself up onto the window ledge, ducking under the curtain. The air was icy cold outside when he opened the window, staring into the inky blackness of the street outside, smoking through four cigarettes until his chest hurt and his throat burned from the dry inhilaton of the smoke.

The noise of canned laughter from the tv filled his ears as he slipped back on to his bed, feeling quite disoriented...and alone.

His phone beeped. A text. Harry?

No.

Message: William Tomlinson.

Louis dropped the phone as if it had burned him, feeling imaginary welts where his fingers had touched the handset.

William hadn't messaged him in months - and when he had,Louis never replied. Why would he? He had endured more of William in his world to last a lifetime.

I love you. I miss you bro xx

Seven words, two kisses. Seven slashes and two struck matches to his warped soul.

Anger. White hot rage zigzagged through him, sizzling within the wounds, now gaping after burning through the stitches. How dare he! How dare he send him such a declaration! Did William remember nothing?

Louis' first reaction was to throw the phone at the wall, as hard as he could and smash the phone and it's message into tiny pieces! But the message, like everything else was tattooed onto his retiners. He would never unsee that message...just as he would never unsee that look in Mark's eyes... Mark...Louis hadn't allowed himself to think about his first boyfriend in years...it did bad things to his head.

White noise banished all other noises in his head, his chest hurt so badly he was almost bent double from the pain. Then bile, disgusting, acidic bile made its appearance, only giving him enough time to grab a near by carrier bag, spluttering and coughing into it, as the foul tasting liquid spewed out of his mouth.

Shivering, aching and sweating Louis discarded the bag on the carpet, almost crawling on his hands and knees to the bathroom to clean his mouth up.

On the way, he passed the floor length hallway mirror, catching his reflection in the moonlight. Someone he didnt know stared mockingly back at him.

This was what he had turned into, this was what he was, this was what William had made him.

As he looked at himself in the mirror, he saw metaphorical steel shutters locking down inside him, trapping his hopes, squashing his dreams, piercing his heart.

On autopilot, he moved as fast as his weak legs could carry him back to his phone and responded to William's message - three words that were nowhere near as weighty or harsh as he wanted them to sound to the reader.

Go fuck yourself.

His anger made way for the fresh wave of grief that flooded him the moment he crawled into his bed, face crumpling, mouthing at his pillow in effort to muffle the sobs that made him convulse erratically.

It shouldn't be like this! He shouldn't feel this way!

It wasn't this way for so much of his life, and the way things had turned out....it was just heartbreaking. Because deep down inside, he didn't want to hate his twin. He wanted to love him. He wanted things to be how they were for the first eighteen years of his life.

Louis and William Tomlinson, identical twins, and best friends.

Louis thought he'd been able to put it all behind him, he thought he'd be able to move on.  He thought he had.  

Not even Harry could make him feel better now.

 

*Three weeks later in London*

 

 "Where are we going?" asked Zayn, matching Harry's long casual strides as they walked through one  of the busiest shopping streets in London "why do you need me?"

"Want your expertise" Harry replied with a grin "want to do some shopping for Louis"

Zayn made a face "This is above board isn't it?" He asked warily "We're not going to some weird sex shop are we?"

"Don't be stupid!" Harry scoffed with a smirk "I'd order that on line!"

"Shhh!" Zayn looked awkwardly around him "Do you want to have that in the papers? Harry Styles Buys Depraved Sex Toys Online!"

Harry rolled his eyes "I think they did that one.  Come on, we're here"

Harry stopped outside a huge store called "Forbidden Planet".

"Games?" asked Zayn, raising a perfectly plucked eyebrow.

"World of Warcraft merch" Harry told him happily, he let out a small groan "I wish Louis was here - he would love it!  I bet he's never been here before" 

"Why don't you wait and bring him here then?" Zayn suggested, following Harry up the stairs and through the front door.

"No, I want to get him some stuff now to surprise him with" Harry waved him off as together they marched the games for consoles and took the escalator up to the second floor.

Harry looked quite overwhelmed at the vast quantity of World of Warcraft merchandise available.  There were clothes, action figures, trading cards, posters, books, Lego, comics.

"I don't know where to start" Harry hissed at Zayn, staring around and trying to remember in his head what he'd seen in Louis' room.

"Why don't you get him a t-shirt" suggested Zayn with a devilish smile "you could wear it all week and then when he gets it, it will smell of you!"

"I don't think I'd fit into a small" mused Harry, holding one up against him "oh" he finally cottoned on to Zayn's sarcasm "although sadly for you I like that idea!"

Zayn curled his lip a little and wandered off to look at some Batman action figures whilst Harry grabbed a basket, darting around and filling it with t-shirts, hoodies, a couple of beanie hats and even a onesie that made the wearer look like a Murloc!

"Have you got any..." Harry looked down at his phone "Female Blood Elf Hunter action figures?" Harry asked a dumb struck teenager behind the counter.

"Uh...no..." the boy stuttered, clearly recognising Harry "But we have Lady Sylvannas..she's a Horde Hunter"

"Thats the red side right?" Harry asked, trying to remember if he was buying the right team "what about these?" He indicated to his basket "Are these Horde?"

He chatted to the salesman for a little while, keenly looking at the items the boy showed him, adding particular ones to his already heaving basket - and maybe picking up an unto date strategy guide and a gaming starter pack for himself.  How happy Louis would be if he got his own account and they could play together!

 

"Why did you need me again?" asked Zayn, feeling slightly bored after he'd been ambling around waiting for nearly an hour.

"Help carrying it back to the car" beamed Harry, thrusting three of the many bags into Zayn's hands.

"Fuck sake H!" Whistled Zayn as he saw exactly how much Harry was spending on someone he barely knew "how much are you planning on spoiling this kid?"

"My money only goes so far" Harry slowly smiled "This is a drop in the ocean compared to how much love and affection I'm going to spoil him with"

"I don't really want to hear about your sex life" Zayn commented, poking around in the bags he was forced to carry "You don't have to say what kind of a thank you Louis is going to give you for this lot!" He grinned at Harry's dubious expression.

"Louis doesn't have to do anything to thank me" Harry sounded a little wounded at the suggestion "Especially not that!  I just love surprising him with things that he likes.  He could do with a little spoiling"

"and what does he give you in return?" Zayn probed teasingly, feeling sure he already knew the answer.

"His time" smiled Harry, thinking of the long cuddles he and Louis shared, snuggled up on a bed, pretending to watch tv whilst ignoring the screen and kissing tenderly and heatedly for hours at a time.

They piled their shopping into the back of Harry's Range Rover and climbed into the front - Harry, so consumed with his thoughts of Louis automatically went to help Zayn into the car, and looked surprised when he saw the boy already seated.

"Have you two even slept together?" Asked Zayn as they drove back to Harry's house.

Harry frowned the slightest crease to his forehead "Bit personal isn't it?"

"Well you didn't say yes, so I think no" Zayn reasoned Casually beginning to make a rolley

"Not everything revolves around sex you know" Harry reminded him "But since you ask, no we haven't. It hasn't come up yet, and I'm happy to wait"

"So this Louis kid is your boyfriend, but you haven't had sex with him?"

"Nope" Harry ended the word, heavily pronouncing the P

"Any sexual action?"

"Nothing major"

"And you're ok with that?"

Harry laughed "Zay?  What's with all the questions?  I am more than happy to wait for him.  I really like things how they are progressing - slowly" he smiled a secret little fond smile "For all I know, I could be his first.  He's such a shy little thing.  Turns into this shaky little mess every time we kiss.  Fucking adorable" 

Zayn laughed out loud at the blatant love struck expression washing over his mates face.

"You are so gone for him!" He pointed out "Well whatever makes you happy mate" he shrugged finally "I just find it hard to believe that you of all people are happy to wait"

Harry glared at him.  Now was not the time to bring up his past indiscretions.

"How's Will?" Zayn asked quickly moving swiftly on "Still AWOL?"

Harry nodded.

Ever since the morning he's received the icy cold text from his brother, Will had gone out for coffee and never come back.  In fact there had been no word from him at all other than the text he had sent Harry, saying he wasn't feeling well and sending him an attachment of another beautiful instrumental, saying that he could do with it what he wanted.  

Harry had tried calling, texting, emailing.  But nothing was replied to and all phone calls went to answer phone - which was now filled of messages from Harry.  It slightly concerned him, but he knew Will.  He was the type of the person who would appear when he wanted to be found.  He just hoped it would be sooner rather than later.

The text from Louis to William had disturbed Harry, and if he hadn't have read it himself and seen that it was from Louis' number, Harry would have assumed that William had been making the whole thing up - Louis did not seem the type of person to even think sentences like that, let alone text them to his twin brother, especially after the sweet attempt of a white flag William had offered him.  Maybe his intent on getting them back on good terms was going to be as difficult and hard a graft as William had anticipated.  

Harry really wanted to help William, he tried to imagine how he would feel if his sister Gemma hated him as much as Louis seemed to hate William - just imagining it sent him into a cold sweat!  Of course, that was an idea!  The next time Louis came to stay with him, he'd invite Gemma over and then maybe Louis would remember how much he missed William.  After all, it couldn't possibly make the situation any worse than it was.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feedback would be greatly appreciated for this chapter. I really did get my brain in a tangle writing it and I hope it's ok.
> 
> Ps. I felt like Louis' part was a little on the angsty side, so I added Harry's bit to end the chapter on his unwavering optimism.
> 
> *crosses fingers and toes*


	19. Home Is Wherever You Are

"Did you have a good night baby?" Harry asked, reaching for his boyfriends hand over the gear stick, already knowing the answer by how open and happy Louis was looking - as well as slightly tipsy.

"That was the best work thing I have ever been too!" Louis sighed happily, grasping Harry's fingers "You have no idea how much I appreciate you coming with me.  I've never taken anyone before"

Harry's dimples were on full display as he grinned "Anything for my boyfriend" he reminded him, shaking his head a little at how that word still made Louis do an involuntary gleeful shiver, and gave his hand a squeeze.

"Yeah, but I know how busy you are right now" Louis said, trying to sound serious, but his smile was preventing him from sounding anything but joyful "And you came all this way...just to go to my works christmas dinner...you could have been doing so many other things that would probably be more entertaining"

"Trust me, I had a great time" Harry assured Louis, abandoning his boys hand for a few seconds, in favour of giving his chin a tiny squeeze "Food was good and it was really nice to have a proper chat with your friends" he paused, sending Louis a sly smile "Plus I love any excuse that gets you wearing those tight trousers!"

"So it was you groping my ass all night!" Louis pretended to be shocked "I thought Amy had a 'thang" for me!"

"Amy's well sweet" Harry smiled, thinking of how he was constantly catching her taking photos of him and Louis - which would no doubt be presented in print form to them during the next few days "You hang out quite a bit don't you?"

Louis nodded.  As much as he loved spending time with Harry, the come down after his visits was horrible.  

Luckily, Amy, Charlotte, Michael and Wendy all understood his 'no Harry blues' as they called them and made sure he always had something to do - whether it was going for lunch with him, or inviting him to hang out with one of them on a week night.  He was very grateful - it kept him occupied and made him feel a lot less lonely.

"They've been amazing to me" Louis assured him "It's like I've actually got some proper friends!"

"Just make sure you make time for me on your social calender" Harry teased "I know we all want a bit of you Lou, but I want you the most!"

"You are my social calender!" Insisted Louis, not realising straight away that Harry was messing around.  When he did he giggled nervously "I mean...shit that sounded well clingy"

"I like you clingy" Harry smiled, parking the car and hopping out to help Louis out.

 Louis looked around at his surroundings puzzled "Uh Haz?  Did you forget where I live?  Because this is not my house!"

Harry chuckled at the way his little nose was wrinkling as his boyfriend inspected their surroundings.  They were three streets away from Louis' home, and Harry could finally unveil the surprise he had been working on since their first date.

"That's right babe" he whispered "It's my house!"

The expression of suprise, mixed with obvious delight was worth every one of the tidious phonecalls and secret arrangements Harry had needed to make over the past few weeks.

Harry always knew that he would want to live as close to Louis as possible, even before he had actually got to know him properly.

On the drive back to his hotel after their first date, he had seen some new builds and after mentaly memorising the name of the property seller, googled the development as soon as he got back.

It was exactly what he wanted, ok, maybe it was a lot smaller than what he had become accustomed to in the last few years, but not everything was about size.

Most importantly, it was close to Louis' house.  Harry did hope that one day in the not so distant future, he might be able to ask his adorable little boyfriend to move in with him, and for that to happen, Harry understood it would have to be him who relocated so that Louis could stay close to his family.  Besides, Devon was actually a very nice place to relocate to, especially the town where Louis resided.  It wasn't a huge city made entirely of grey concrete and full of smoke, but a nice little town full of parks and rivers and picturesque buildings.  

The house he had purchased was part of a small gated community.  The ground floor was filled almost entirely by a large kitchen and living room which was open plan with large patio doors leading out to the back garden, and a small hallway leading to the stairs.  Up on the first floor were three large bedrooms with en-suite bathrooms, but it was the second floor with its master bedroom and bathroom that was Harry's favourite part of the house.

Facing the back of the house, the whole floor was split into just two rooms, each with floor to ceiling glass windows.  Harry had always appreciated a good view, and from now on from his bed, or whilst he was relaxing in the huge spa bath he'd had installed, he'd be able to look out on the green fields that his garden backed onto, small copses of trees, the estuary in the distance, and beyond that, a glimpse of the sea, all against the backdrop of an uncluttered sky.  

Even the view from the hallway was pleasant, overlooking the entirety of the town in the valley, with the moorland and landmark torrs on the horizon.  Of course, he didn't think he'd actually end up looking either views that much, especially when there was another, more localised beauty he was continuously enchanted by.

 

Keeping it all a secret from Louis hadn't actually been that difficult.  He'd booked viewings and times to sign the paperwork whilst Louis was still at work, and most of the organising had been done over the phone whilst he was waiting around before a show or a photo shoot. The rest of the band all thought he was slightly crazy, considering it was so soon, but after Harry had been banging on about property investment, Liam did point out that if the relationship failed, Harry could always just rent it out!

Harry resisted giving Liam a slap for lacking optimism...and being unromantic!  For Harry, this was the most romantic gesture he had ever made.  He might not be asking Louis to move in with him just yet, but for the first time he was showing how committed to someone he actually was - and Harry loved it.

 

"I can't believe you did this!" Louis was babbling, hanging onto his arm as Harry unlocked the front door, feeling suddenly as excited as Louis looked "You're actually going to live here!  In my town!  Just around the corner from me?"

"Where else would I want to be?" Harry questioned, ushering a bouncing boy into the house and shutting the door safely behind them.

"It's so nice and big!" Louis exclaimed, as he examined the living room and kitchen in awe before flying for the stairs and running up them, two steps at a time.

Harry laughed as Louis insisted on looking in every room on the first floor, as well as looking out of each window.

"I've only really moved in upstairs" he confessed "I've still got a lot to move in"

'Like you' he wanted to say, but decided against it.

Harry was convinced that he heard Louis' jaw hit the floor as he set eyes on his (their) new bedroom for the first time.  It was the only room Harry had got any furniture for, and that only consisted of a huge queen size bed and bedding for it.

"So this is your bedroom?" Asked Louis gulping at the knowledge that he was actually in Harry Styles' bedroom.  Sometimes he found it so hard to believe that this was now his life!

Harry nodded "Hope you like the bed" he murmured huskily wrapping his arms around Louis from behind and softly pressing his lips to the smaller boys bare collarbone "I don't plan on sleeping here alone"

He could feel Louis gulp, as he twisted himself around in his arms, digging his tiny fingers into his hair so he could pull Harry's face down, capturing those lips that had made him shake with his own, obviously delighted at the prospect of future sleeping arrangements.

Harry tried his best not to moan into Louis' mouth, but he couldn't help himself as he found his hands shoot straight down to grasp as Louis' curvy, sexy ass, grabbing it with his huge hands, kneading it with his fingers, pulling his crotch desperately to meet his already hard and throbbing erection.

Louis was whimpering, but not the sound of a guy who was turned on by Harry's actions, but of someone who was suddenly nervous and afraid, pushing his arse back against his hands, trying to wriggle out of his embrace.

"Harry!" Louis sounded breathless and almost close to tears, which Harry immediately let go of his mouthwatering, trouser covered cheeks, quickly moving his fingers up so his hands were wrapped around the boys waist.

"Shit! I'm so sorry baby"

Harry felt dreadful as he lowered his face into the crook of Louis' neck, rubbing his back soothingly whilst trying to pull his lower half away from Louis'.  

He knew he had to go slowly, he knew Louis wasn't ready for anything too physical, and he was more than happy to wait.  He just didn't realise that waiting would involve such involuntary actions on his part - but he just couldn't help it!  Louis was just everything that Harry found sexually attractive, all in one 5ft7 inch package.  It was so hard to be even inches away from the boy and not want to touch him, kiss him, caress his cheek whilst gazing into his eyes, hear his breathy little whimpers as he fluttered kisses in that special sensitive spot below his ear, trailing his lips across his jaw, and down his neck, gently nipping the skin between his teeth, sucking on his defined collarbones whilst his other hand started working it's way up his leg, starting where he was stroking little circles on his calf, smoothing his whole palm across his thigh, spanning his fingers, gently squeezing, inching closer and closer to....

And that was when Louis would suddenly quiver, putting his all into their kiss, hungrily swirling their tongues together as he grabbed Harry's hand, entwining their fingers and removing it from the one place Harry had never been allowed to touch...and so desperately wanted to!  Every single time!

Harry seemed confident, cool, collected, but as soon as he was in a passionate embrace with Louis - he turned into the young, hormonal mess that he was inside.  More than anything he just wanted to be able to physically please his boyfriend.  He wanted to make him quiver and shake beneath him, gasping out his name as he let Harry touch him, taste him, pleasure him.

But Louis didn't want that yet, Louis wasn't ready, and Harry refused to be the type of boyfriend who pressured his loved one into doing anything he wasn't comfortable with.  Even if it meant holding out himself, for he refused to even give himself a quick wank to tide himself over - no matter how quickly he hardened now, even at just the sight of Louis, even if he did wake up on more than one occasion to the sticky remainder of a wet dream.  He would wait, because he loved Louis, and he knew that when he was ready for Harry to go further with him than light groping and heavy bouts of making out, that Louis loved him too.  And that was definitely something worth waiting for.

 

"I should go"  

Red in the face, eyes shining with unshed tears, Louis squirmed to detangle himself from Harry's gangly arms "I'm so sorry Haz, but I...er...I'm so...so..."

"Lou!" 

Harry didn't want to let him go, and Louis blatantly didn't really want to leave, because he willingly let Harry hook his hands under his thighs, picking him up in his arms and sitting down on the bed, Louis in his lap, who was tightly clutching at his shoulder blades, face buried into his neck, shivering like he was freezing cold.

"I'm so sorry baby" 

Harry couldn't stop saying it "Please don't leave me babe.  I promise I won't do anything like that until you're ready.  I'm so sorry baby" the passion fueled kisses were long forgotten as Harry fluttered gentle, barely there touches over his forehead, stroking his hair "Please stay, please let me cuddle you to sleep"

He couldn't believe he had fucked up so badly!  He was meant to be helping to build Louis' confidence.  It wasn't Louis' fault that he was unable to control himself around him.  It probably didn't help that Louis could probably still feel how hard he was where he was sitting - Harry had never felt more guilty about having an erection and feeling so sexually attracted to someone.

"Harry, I'm so...so sorry" Louis sniffed, clinging onto him tighter "I...I don't think we're going to work out..."

White noise filled Harry's ears as he felt all the air leave his lungs.


	20. No Problem Is Too Hard To Solve...Unless Getting Hard Is The Problem

A perfect evening for Louis had turned into despair in a blink of an eye.

Work events had never exactly been fun for him in the past.  He never had a partner to take with him - although one year he had asked Reece, only to be laughed at and told an embarrassing, painful "No!" - and even when he went, he found it hard to fit in with anyone else, spending most of his time wishing he hadn't bothered.

However this year, he knew it would be different.  Firstly he was excited - which was a first!  Charlotte, Amy, Michael and Wendy would be attending...and so would Harry!  Harry was actually making time to take him to his work Christmas dinner.  It was so sweet, so considerate, but then again, that was just Harry.

He had been nervous.  He'd changed clothes about four times, constantly asking Harry's approval, which wasn't much use because Harry complemented everything he tried on, until the fifth time he had tried to undress..then Harry had just picked him up, kissed him roughly, telling him with kisses as opposed to words how good he thought he looked.  It only took one glance into his eyes, darkened with lust, and feeling how hard his fingers were gripping his hips, that Louis realised he might just look ok.

The whole evening, Harry stuck to his boyfriends side like glue.  There had been an awkward moment when a girl who worked on the photo department (a very tall, lanky, dorky, massive one direction fan), had drank a little too much and tried to pull Harry away from Louis, actually daring to touch the butterfly tattoo on his chest and asking if he wanted to see the butterfly she had on her bum! (Slut!)

Louis had been outraged, red in the face, his little blue eyes flashing dangerously as he watched blondies fingers trace the black outline, standing too close and fluttering her fake, oversized eyelashes.

But Harry was loyal, and used to unwanted attention.

"I don't think my boyfriend would be too happy about that" he chuckled, not pushing Laura away, but pulling Louis directly in front of him, pressing his chest against Louis' back and hooking his chin over Louis' shoulder, kissing the side of his face in a blatant "I'm with him, so back off" gesture.

Louis glared at Laura who made an equally pissed off face back at him and might have said something to the smaller boy when Amy appeared out of nowhere, face like thunder and dragged her off.

"For fucks sake Laura!" Harry and Louis both heard her say "He's gay and he's with Louis!  Don't be such a desperate slag!"

Even just for that, Louis loved Amy!

"Bitch" Louis muttered, glaring at Laura's retreating back

Harry laughed softly, feeling quite chuffed at Louis' territorial reaction "I'm only here for you babe" he whispered right into Louis' ear, kissing the shell of it gently and giving his tummy a little squeeze.

The rest of the night went without a hitch.  The food was very good for en-mass catering and even though Louis found himself dying with embarrassment, as Michael and Wendy happily recalled funny Louis stories, that made Harry roar with laughter, arm slung around Louis' shoulders, letting his shy little boy hide his face in his chest, squeezing his shoulders and nuzzling into his hair - which earned him a look of approval from Michael.

After dinner, Amy dragged Louis onto the dance floor (keeping his eyes firmly on Laura to make sure she didn't take his distance from Harry as an invitation to slut it up).  

Louis wasn't much of a dancer, he got too self conscious and shy to properly get lost in the music - and he got so caught up with watching who Harry was talking to, that at a couple of points he stopped moving completely, earning a poke or two from Amy to remind him of what they were meant to be doing!  But he needed have been concerned, Harry may have been talking to other people, but the whole time his eyes were fixed solely on Louis.

 

Hugs were exchanged when they left the party, Louis getting more hugs off his work colleagues than he had the whole time he had worked for the company.  It felt really good.  He felt really...happy.

They chatted on the way home, Louis looking forward to getting plenty of cuddles from a half naked Harry when they could finally go to bed, and he didn't have to share his boyfriend with anyone else.

The only problem was that as much as he wanted to be alone with Harry, the little niggle of an unresolved issue was getting larger and larger - getting to the point where most of the time it was all he could think about, where parts of him wanted to scream at himself with frustration.

When they had started dating, Louis really didnt believe that it would last very long - and for a while he comforted himself with that, assuring himself that his problem would never come to light, that Harry would get bored, find someone else and although that thought devistated him, it would mean that his secret would remain one.  But the more affection Harry showed to Louis, the more he internally fretted about being found out.  Because once Harry found out.  He would be gone, leaving Louis devistated and humiliated.

The problem was Harry.  

Harry was the sexiest, most sensual and charismatic man Louis had ever had a wet dream about.  He visually blew Louis away - just like the first time he had laid eyes on him in that music video all those years ago.  

His arms were strong and muscular - easily able to manhandle his smaller frame, but always so deceptively gentle, never using his strength to his advantage - although Louis could never say that he didn't imagine Harry overpowering him...fuck!  Now that was a thought! Louis loved to grab hold of his biceps when they kissed, usually laying on his back on the bed as Harry half hovered over him, feeling the rippling of his back, running his hands down his very toned and defined chest that was as smooth and as hard as marble. 

Louis found himself going into a daze every time he was confronted with just the slightest showing of his bare skin - longing to just pounce on him, licking and sucking everywhere his lips could reach.  

He'd seen the bulge in Harry's tight jeans on more than one occasion - felt it on his thigh or pressing into his bum when he woke up in the morning, and it took all the force in him to not grind back against it, not palm him during a heated making out session, when all he wanted to do was rip those skinny jeans off him, drop to his knees and devour Harry!

It was all he thought about, Harry squirming beneath him, arching his back off the bed, hips jolting uncontrollably as Louis made him moan and whimper, eratically thrusting into Louis' willing and able mouth before coming with a shout.  

Louis could picture him all spread out for him, legs wrapped around who's shoulders, gripping him, fisting his hair as Louis screwed his tongue into his tight hole, face flushed, his curls sticking to his sweaty forehead, eyes no longer green, hidden by his huge dilated pupils.

He wanted it so badly, and yet in reality, Louis couldn't even bring himself to touch that area with the tips of his fingers, because if he did,  Harry would want to reciprocate.  And Louis could not let that happen!

It hadn't always been this way, Louis used to be normal.  A normal boy with a shit load of hormones that always seemed to kick in at the most inappropriate moments.  A normal boy who was confident about his body and what he could do with it.  A normal boy who could get an erection without even thinking about it...that boy was long gone...now he couldn't even get it up long enough to have a satisfactory wank!  He'd tried.  He'd tried so many times, but it just didnt work!  He couldn't get it to work!

Louis knew it was because of himself.  He didnt know exactly when that part of him gave up entirely, but he first noticed during that time in Cardiff.  Reece had him bent over his bed, fucking into him hard and fast, it had hurt so badly.  The way the boy was yanking at his hair, the way he hadn't been prepped...the way he knew it meant nothing.  It was just as Harry had once described...Reece had been having nothing more than a glorified wank!  Just like all the other guys before and after him...no love, no relationship.. Just a way for them to get off, physically screwing both Louis' tortured hole...his heart...and his mind...all at once.  Which led to what could possibly be the cause of his misfortune.  For Louis, sex wasn't a good thing.  It was painful, both physically and mentally.  His mind had accepted it, so his body had too - that Louis would never be in a loving, caring relationship...that Louis didnt need a prick that worked...that Louis was going to die alone.

At least that was what he had always thought, until he met Harry...but by then the damage had been done.  Louis no longer believed in love, he no longer believed in intimacy, he felt as pathetic, useless and unnecessary as his dick that flopped flaccid between his thighs.

He remembered the morning after Charlotte's house party.  How Harry had told them that nothing had happened between them, and Louis had been so certain that he had been caught out.  He could remember his face burning with embarrassment, trying to remember if Harry had touched him there and that had been the real reason they hadn't done anything.  Because Louis couldn't! 

He had been so close to saying something, but luckily Harry had corrected himself before he said anything that he would have regretted.

And then Harry had said that thing about 'making love'.  That stupidly sappy, fluffy sentence, that had made Louis' walls turn to dust and melt into a sickly sweet goo that warmed him throughout his bones.  This could actually be proper love.  And then Harry told him that he was falling in love with him, listing all the things he wanted...and sex wasn't even on his priority list...if anything it was an extra that he didn't mind waiting for, which was good, it gave Louis time to fix what was broken.

He wasn't opposed to sex with Harry.  Louis wanted it.  Wanted it so badly that whenever he was with his boyfriend, his head was a hurricane of emotions, wanting to go further...but not wanting to feel ashamed.  He'd considered all the options.  He was more than fine with bottoming (which was good...because it was his only option now....).  He'd never ever topped before, it was always more natural for him to do it the other way...of course some people hadn't even given him the option...but Harry would be different.

Harry would really take care of him.  Harry would draw the foreplay out, kissing him all over every inch of his skin, peeling off his clothes slowly, slicking up his long, delicate fingers luxuriously with lube, checking Louis was ok before he even began to trace his fingertips around his entrance, being so careful to properly stretch and relax him.  And that's when he got back to his options.  Preferably he would be on his front, Harry taking him from behind...he could hide his problem and he could feel all of Harry, easing into him, filling him up, making him gasp only out of pleasure, not of pain.  Louis wanted Harry to thrust into him, hear him pant and gasp, keening at how tight Louis would be around his cock.  He wanted to feel him push that last uncontrollable thrust into him, filling him with everything he had, hear what he expected to be beautiful sounds erupting out of his mouth.  He wanted to feel Harry's come seeping out and trickling down his leg.  He wanted Harry's exhausted, sated kisses afterwards.  He wanted to curl into Harry's arms that would hold him so tight, so loving.  He wanted to hear Harry whisper that he loved him.  He wanted to say it back.

But, although it would be alright with Louis.  He knew deep down that his only option wouldn't be what Harry would have in mind.  Harry loved intimacy.  He loved eye contact.  He loved connection.  

Harry would want him laying on his back, his long lean body nestled between Louis' thighs, looking into his eyes, passionately kissing him as he used his fingers to open him up...or maybe he'd want to take it to the next intimate level...using his tongue around his hole, stroking his shaft, wanting to pleasure and please Louis more than himself.  Because that was how Harry was.  Harry was a lover and a giver.  

It just hurt so much, knowing what he could have - someone who wanted to make love to him - and he couldn't do it - he couldn't do it unless Harry didn't touch him.  He couldn't find out how defective he was.

He thought briefly about going to the doctors and getting a prescription for Viagra.  Loads of people did it!  He dispensed a prescription for it every day - and that was what made him stop that thought right there.  Every time he dispensed a prescription, he felt sympathy.  Louis didn't want sympathy, he didn't want to give a prescription into a pharmacy, letting everyone in the room know that his dick didn't work on it's own!  Besides...it took a while to work after he'd taken it.  What was he supposed to say "er, sorry love...need some help getting hard...have you got some water?  We can really go for it in half an hour!"

And what if it didn't work?  Or what if he took it without telling his boyfriend and Harry wasn't in the mood and he was stuck with a raging hard on for ages?  There were too many ifs, too many buts.  Too many horrible thoughts corrupting his fragile mind.

What if he told Harry?  What if Harry understood and loved him anyway?  

What if he told Harry?  And Harry dumped him?

Regardless.  He would be letting Harry down either way.  It was the biggest insult.  "Well yes babe, I can get it up in my sleep and come in my boxers, but no matter how much you rub it, it won't ever rise for you.  Doesn't that prove how much I love you?"

He could imagine Harry trying, and trying and trying to get him to react...trying not to frown, trying to encourage Louis to relax...cramping up his hand....the mere thought of Harry's hand even brushing over his soft, flaccid penis just made Louis' skin crawl.

So, every time Harry's hand got a little too close, Louis would kiss him harder, trying to distract him whilst he removed his hand.  It was easier to pretend that he wasn't ready...but how long would he be able to string that out for?  He was certain such an excuse would have an expiry date.

 

Finding out that Harry had actually brought a house just a few streets away from Louis' home was the most incredible surprise he'd ever had - only second to meeting Harry in the first place!  Harry would be living here - ok, so he would be away a lot.  Louis knew this and accepted this.  But when he came home, he would more or less be coming home to Louis!

The house was amazing.  It was so big (well by Louis' standards...it must seem as big as a small hotel suite to Harry), and the master bedroom.  Louis heard Harry murmur in his ear that he didn't want to sleep there alone, his heart jumping around in his chest with excitement, turning himself around in his embrace, tugging his face down, kissing him with enthusiasm, imagining long lazy lie ins, breakfast in bed, snuggling down together at night, sleeping tucked in Harry's arms whenever he came home.  It was so exciting and it meant so much.  Harry really must want this to work out between them if he was to go as far as actually moving across the country so he could be closer to him.  Harry really must love him.  Harry must really see this relationship going somewhere...like now...

 

Louis stiffened as Harry moaned somewhat obscenely into his mouth as he grabbed hold of Louis' bum in both hands, squeezing, rubbing, blatantly groping it.  A squeak of alarm escaped Louis' lips as for the first time, Harry hoisted Louis onto his tip toes, thrusting his crotch against Louis.

Louis panicked!  This couldn't be happening!  Harry was going to feel him!  He was going to find out!  He couldn't!  Bucking against Harry's hands, pushing against his shoulders, Louis could feel himself shaking, his heart beating like a jack hammer in his chest, hearing the echo of his own whimpers in his ears.

"Harry!"

Louis couldn't breathe.  Harry was too close, he could feel him.  This was it, it was over!

He didn't feel Harry let go of his bum or wrap his hands around his waist.  He didn't see the horrified look in Harry's eyes as it dawned on him how upset his baby was, he barely felt Harry bury his face in his neck, hear his choked apologies.  All he could hear were his own thoughts that were screaming at him from every direction.

Harry wanted him.  Harry was committing to him.  Harry loved him.  

Louis was selfish.  Louis didn't deserve him.  Louis was clinging to him in pretence that he was someone he clearly would never be.  

Harry deserved better.  He deserved someone who he could properly make love to just as he wanted.  He didn't deserve someone who couldn't perform right....no matter how much he loved Harry with all his heart and soul.  He couldn't love him enough to tell him the truth...where was the respect Harry deserved?

"I should go"

Blinded by tears, Louis tried to make his numb arms and legs move, get away from someone who he had caused so much trouble to.  Maybe it could be fixed though.  Maybe the house sale hadn't properly gone through.  He would leave, Harry could go back to London and find someone who would properly worship Harry in the way that Louis really wanted to.

"I'm so sorry Haz, but I...er...I'm so...so..." he couldn't get the words out.  He struggled to even speak Harry's nickname.  It was so sudden and so painful.  His skin prickled with pain of metaphorical pins and needles.  He felt so guilty.  So bad.  So angry with himself that he had let himself fool his own mind into thinking that he and Harry could be a proper couple.

His tummy gave a swoop up and down, as Harry picked him up and sat him down on his lap.  He was mumbling something over and over, but Louis wasn't listening.  He had to say this now or he would never say it all.  Until then, he would cling onto Harry, grabbing his strong muscular shoulders, memorising his strength, bury his face into his neck, memorising his scent, press his chest against Harry's, feeling his heart beat...memorising the love that had once been his.

Squeezing tighter, wanting to crawl up inside Harry and never leave, Louis gave into every voice inside his head, and said the words aloud that he never believed he would ever think, let alone say to the love of his life.

"Harry, I'm so...so.....sorry" face crumpling, lips curling, throat choking back heavy, panic induced sobs "I...I don't think we're going to work out...."

 

And then almost silence, just the sound of Louis' teeth chattering....fuck he was cold!

Harry's hand had stilled on his back...falling limply down his back, as the words Louis spoke penetrated his brain.  

Neither boy moved, never boy remembered how to breathe.

Then Harry found his voice first, sounding dry and cracked.

"Why?"

 

The only question that could make this situation any worse.  Of course Harry would ask why!  

What was Louis going to say now?

 


	21. More In Love With You Than Ever

If Harry put all his money on anything, it would be that the words coming out of Louis' mouth were not sincere.  

He knew his boyfriend too well, even past the extent that Louis realised.  Harry was too observant.  He saw how Louis looked at him, the love sick expression, dilated pupils and blushing cheeks.  He felt how welcoming and needy his lips felt on his own when Louis initiated a kiss - especially that last one...there was nothing lukewarm or unwilling about the way Louis had clutched at Harry's cheeks, pulling him down to his smaller height.

Then there was how Louis acted around Harry when they were with other people - getting territorial when others flirted with him, introducing him to everyone at the staff dinner as his boyfriend, always finding some excuse to hold Harry's hand or cuddle him - letting everyone they came into contact with that he belonged to Harry.  Those were not the actions of someone who wanted to break up!

So once again, it was back to sex.  Why did it always have to be about sex that made Louis so vaunrable and insecure that he felt they had to break up to prevent from continuing their relationship?

"Why?"

Harry was surprised to find his voice wasn't as confident as his mind was.  Sounding parched and weak.  Well of course, he could be losing the most precious companion he'd ever known.  He had to be so careful, or what he considered false, could pretty rapidly become true.

His word hit a brick wall.  Louis didnt move or speak, but he didnt remove himself from Harry's loving embrace - which was positive in itself.

"Baby, I'm so sorry if you felt I was pushing you" Harry whispered, pressing one palm flat against the small of his back to keep him in his arms, whilst stroking his fingers through his boys silky hair "I love you so much Lou, I'd never make you do something you didn't want to do, or aren't ready for"

The smallest of sniffles were barely heard, muffled into his neck.  A good sign.  Louis was listening to him, and he still wasn't leaving.

"Baby, you are so perfect to me" Harry murmured, nuzzling his face into Louis' neck "please tell me what I can do to make you want to be with me"

Louis muttered something under his breath.

"What babe?  I can't hear you sweetheart?"

Louis raised his little face a fraction.

"Im not perfect" he muttered again, a little louder with an air of desperation "You should be with someone who deserves you!"

"What?!" A deep frown creased Harry's forehead, shoving both of his hands under Louis' arms and pushing him backwards so he was sitting on his knees - a shocked expression on his delicate features as he gaped at Harry's sudden movements.

"Lou!  Baby!  If anything, it's me who doesn't deserve you!" Harry exclaimed aghast at the mere suggestion that he wasn't good enough to be with Louis.

Louis was handsome.  He was mouthwateringly gorgeous, with his delicate baby face, prismatic blue eyes and adorable collection of expressions.  He was funny - so much funnier than Harry, with a slightly dry and sarcastic sense of humour that could always leave Harry creased up, cheeks and stomach aching.  Then there was his kindness.  So sweet, caring and considerate.  

When Harry came to visit Louis, often arriving in the small hours of the morning after making the four hour drive, Louis was always still sitting up waiting for him, pulling a sleepy Harry into one arm, taking his weekend bag in the other, half carrying the bigger boy into his room, carefully undressing him and tucking him into bed before presenting him with a hot fresh mug of green tea and sandwiches - Harry making grabby hands for Louis more than the food, as he slipped into bed beside him.  He'd pull his baby close to him, trying to make up for lost time, running his hands all over his small, soft, cuddly frame, trying to notice any differences since he'd last been able to touch him.  There was never any change, Louis was perfect every single time.

Another thing that Harry was oh so grateful for, was Louis' trust and understanding over his job.  Harry himself didnt like the way that he had to leave for days at a time, sometimes weeks.  But Louis never complained, never whined about it.  He was so supportive and, well, proud of Harry.  Something that Harry wasn't used to.  The people he'd seen in the past always seemed to be checking up on him. Louis accepted who he was and what he did.

Which brought him to his point.  It was Harry who didn't deserve Louis.  Harry couldn't be there got his boyfriend all the time - sometimes he couldn't even guarantee to be at the end of the phone.  He couldn't care for his baby after he'd had a bad day, couldn't rub his sore feet whilst they watched tv in the evening, have dinner ready for him when he came home.  All he could do was buy him presents, offer him future security and promise that one day he would always be there....one day...

He could love him though - nobody in the world could love Louis as much as Harry did.  But was his love enough?  Having Louis state that he wasn't perfect and didnt deserve Harry - just pissed him off.  Because from what Louis brought to their relationship, compared to what Harry could offer...Harry didnt deserve Louis in the slightest.

"It's me who doesn't deserve you!" Harry exclaimed "Dont ever say that I don't deserve you again Lou!  You are everything to me, and I can't stand to hear you put yourself down!"

Louis, still open mouthed, shrank backwards at the harsh tone of Harry's voice.  Harry couldn't rush to correct himself quicker.

"Baby, what I mean...I can't be the boyfriend that you need me to be, and it's so painful!  I want to be with you all the time..." Harry broke off, a small pout on his mouth as he thought about exactly how bad a boyfriend he actually was, no longer seeing Louis in front of him, just a huge projected image of his failure.

"Im such a fucking shit boyfriend!" He finished, feeling a dagger of his own making piercing his heart.

A small tentative hand cupped his cheek.

"You're not a shit boyfriend" Louis' small voice uttered, wriggling closer to Harry on his lap "I think you're wonderful"

Harry leaned greedily into his touch, closing his eyes and biting his lower lip slightly.

"Then why do you want to leave me?" He asked sadly, opening his eyes and looking sadly into Louis "I can't be that wonderful if you want to break up"

"Haz that's because of me!  Not you!" Louis insisted, grabbing his face with both hands and intensely emploring him with his eyes "I've got so much...baggage!  I'm just a massive burden!  You'd find that out....and...you'll leave me!"

"Nothing could be so bad that we couldn't sort it out together" Harry argued, holding his hands ontop of Louis' to keep them on his face "You and I are a team!  Nothing can come between us"

"This could" insisted Louis darkly, shifting in his lap "This could ruin everything.  This is ruining everything already!"

"Only you not trusting me enough to confide in" Harry bit, frustration finally getting to him, he could see Louis slipping away from him mentally, slowly withdrawing back into himself.  He instantly felt guilty, he should be supporting the boy, not attacking him.

"Fuck!" Louis growled jumping off his lap and retreating to the bottom of the bed, where he stood not knowing what to do with himself "It's not something I can just casually say!  But it's a big deal and it affects you...and it shouldn't... And I can't fix it...and...and...."

Whatever he was trying to say, he couldn't finish because of the large sob that erupted from his chest.  Not caring what Louis wanted, Harry jumped to his feet, reaching his boyfriend in one large stride, picking him up in his arms and rocking his shivering little body in his arms as Louis cried into the crook of his neck.

"Please tell me baby" he pleaded, feeling so helpless because he had no idea what the right thing was to say or do "Tell me what's wrong and I'll fix it"

"You can't!" 

On the verge of hysteria, Louis struggled once more to get away from Harry, fat tears cascading down his cheeks, dripping off the end of his nose.

"No one can fix it!  It's me!  It's just part of what makes me so fucked up Haz!  And I love you so much, but I'm letting you go because I love you!"

"Baby, nothing...."

"Here!" Louis spat grabbing Harry's hand and roughly pressing it against his crotch, pressing it firmly into his groin and squeezing his fingers so that Harry was effectively holding his dick through his clothes "This is the problem!  Happy now?"

Harry gave Louis a scathing look and grabbed at the hand Louis was gesturing with and repeated the action on his own area.

"This conversation isn't exactly doing it for me either Lou" he pointed out dryly "What exactly are you getting at?"

A sudden look of realisation shook him to his very core.

"It's me isn't it!" He stuttered, looking at first Louis' crotch where he had was still cupping him, and then his distraught face "I don't turn you on do I?"

Now it was Harry who was close to tears.  It explained everything.  Why they'd never slept together or done anything remotely sexual.  It wasn't because Louis was shy or not ready, it was because he just didn't feel that way about him.  Sinking down on the edge of the bed, putting his head in hands.  This was something he couldn't change, something he couldn't fix. It was something that Harry had no control over.

Over the agony of the thoughts inside his head, Harry had no idea how to react as Louis suddenly sucked in a breath and just short of threw himself on Harry, pushing him back onto the bed, capturing his lips in a heated, animalistic kiss.  More primal and alpha male than Harry had ever experienced before.

"Dont ever say that!" Louis growled into his mouth, pulling at his bottom lip between his teeth, gripping Harry's hips between his knees as he ground his crotch down into Harry's, domineering him with his tongue, tugging at his curls, making Harry moan into his mouth, his cock instantly hardening at the friction and Louis' hot little mouth that moulded so perfectly against his.

Breathing hard, eyes bright, Louis suddenly pulled himself away once again, Harry whining at the loss of contact.  For the second time that evening Louis took hold of Harry's hand and pushed it into his crotch and with the other took Harry's other hand and pressed it into his own.

"Notice the difference?" Louis asked, an angry gleam of uncertainty in his eyes, thrusting his hips into Harry's hand.

Although Harry's eyes had widened slightly as he felt how hard and stiff he was, compared to how soft Louis felt, Harry was more concerned with the frightened look on his boyfriends face.  Shaking like a leaf, he had the air of someone who just wanted to bolt.  But Harry would never let him.  

"Come here baby" Harry said calmly, carefully extracting both hands from Louis' tight grip and holding out his arms.

"Dont you want me to go?" Louis asked, biting his lower lip ever so slightly.

"No baby" Harry smiled sympathetically, making grabby hands for him and coaxing him to crawl into bed next to him, turning him around in his arms so he could spoon the smaller boy "But I think it's time you talked to me"

"Do you still love me?" Louis asked, clinging onto Harry's arm, holding it tightly to his chest.

Holding back a sigh, Harry gently kissed Louis' temple "More in love with you than ever" he promised honestly.  


	22. Chapter 22

It was a long time before Harry fell asleep that night.  As much as he tried to soothe him, Louis couldn't settle down for quite a while, switching rapidly from clinging onto Harry and telling him how much he loved him and how sorry he was that he was ruining everything, to trying to wriggle out of his arms - too embarrassed and ashamed to even be in the same room as him.  Harry kept calm, struggling to keep his cool at times when Louis' lip trembled, hand on the door handle, wanting to run out of the room and away, but not actually being able to get any further, needing Harry to get out of bed, pry his fingers from the handle, and lead him back to bed.

"It's ok baby, I love you" Harry repeated over and over again, fluttering kisses all over Louis cheeks and eyelids, moping up the tears with his lips, always seeking eye contact, smoothing back his hair from his face, making sure that his arms were tightly wrapped around him, desperate to make sure that Louis knew he was safe, and loved, no matter what the problem was.

Louis didn't want to explain his problem, and Harry didn't want to force him.  The truth was, Harry wasn't even thinking about the actual issue.  All that worried Harry was that his love was so unhappy, so insecure, so worried about something, that Louis was so sure that was going to happen, blinkering himself so that outcome was all he could see - Harry being disgusted with the revelation and abandoning him!

The only thing that disgusted Harry was how little he knew how to help him.  

By the next morning - after only having an hours sleep, Harry put his hurried, grasping at straws plan into play. Continuing as normal.  

For a few seconds after he awoke, the biggest, eye crinkling smile, exploded onto Louis face, as he awoke up in Harry's new bed, in Harry's brand new house for the first time.  

Sunlight was streaming in through the huge windows, obviously Harry hadn't gotten around to acquiring curtains yet!  Or any other furniture!

Harry's arm was slung over his chest, pinning him to the soft mattress.  His mouth was slightly open, his eyes hidden by his tangled curls.  Turning his head to the side, Louis watched his boyfriend sleep, his easy, joyful smile, slowly slipped, as he began to wake up properly, the events of the night before forcefully pushing themselves to the front of his mind.

It was as if Harry was directly linked to his thoughts, being able to tell even in his sleep that Louis needed him.  Mouthing at his pillow, Harry's fingers flexed where they rested on Louis' bicep, gripping it a little tighter and using it as leverage to pull himself into Louis' side, sleepily planting a sloppy kiss on his shoulder.

"Good morning baby" Harry rasped, voice thick with sleep, a slow, lazy smile tweaking his dimples "I love waking up with you"

 

How on earth did he get so lucky? Louis couldn't help but wonder, tucking himself further into Harry's chest.

"We'll have to go out for breakfast" Harry groaned "I've got nothing in.  What do you fancy babe?"

"Erm..." 

Louis was lost for words.  Maybe Harry hadn't had time to wake up properly and remember discovering Louis' disgusting secret.  Any minute now, that smile would evaporate and he'd remember.  But it didnt.

"I was thinking, how about we get something to eat, then go into town and get some stuff for the house" Harry suggested, leaning forward and giving Louis a sweet little kiss on the mouth "There's so much we've got get...kitchen stuff...chairs...an alarm clock"

"We?" Louis asked dumbly huffing out a breath he was holding, eyes rolling into the back of his head as Harry started his early morning ritual of kissing messily down his throat.

"Who else is going to spend any time here?" Harry teased poking Louis' nose and making it wrinkle up.  It was like batting a puppy on the nose with a newspaper.

'Maybe your new boyfriend' Louis thought darkly, not saying it out loud - he didn't want to give Harry any ideas!

After a quick stop so Louis could get changed at home.  Harry drove them into town to meet Amy and Charlotte in their coffee shop for breakfast.  It was becoming a nice tradition for the four of them and Harry enjoyed watching the comfortable interaction between Louis and the girls, getting so caught up in the gossip that he seemed to forget about Harry being there.  Not that he minded - it just meant he got to sit and stare at his beautiful boy under the pretence he was listening to him!

Whilst Louis excused himself to go to the bathroom, Harry found himself sandwiched between Amy and Charlotte, who had both slid up next to him, both wearing identical excited grins.

"It's so exciting that you're moving here!" Amy babbled "Lou is so happy about it!  You really are the best boyfriend ever!"

Harry faked a smile.  He didnt feel like the best boyfriend ever.  He felt he was seriously lacking!

"I just wanted to be nearer" he explained slowly "Wanted to let him know that I'm really serious about us"

A combination of awwww made him chuckle and blush a little.

"However" Charlotte began with a conspiring tone as she exchanged a knowing glance with Amy "We have more important things to discuss.  You know Louis' birthday is coming up right?"

 

Harry was very aware that Louis' birthday was soon- but not because his boyfriend had mentioned it, because it was obviously the same date as William's (who was still AWOL).

"I know" Harry nodded "I was thinking about hosting a party for him.  Something really special"

Charlotte's eyes lit up "Where are you having it?" she asked "Your new place?"

Harry smiled shyly, thinking of the plans he had already talked over with Liam a couple of days before "Actually, I've already hired a venue" he whispered, keeping a sharp eye on the door to the bathroom "Heard of Funky Budda?"

"But that's in London!" Amy exclaimed looking disappointed at the mention of the high class club that Liam was a regular guest of.

"Well obviously I can book hotel rooms for all the people here" Harry rolled his eyes "Of course you two are more than welcome to crash at mine.  Michael and Wendy too if they can come.  Oh and Lou's mum of course - it's not like i'm lacking space.  The boys will probably stay at mine too"

"You mean the rest of the band?" Amy asked looking awestruck

"Of course" Harry rolled his eyes "we were going to play a short set...do you think Lou would like that?  Or is it a bit...ya know...egotistical?"

"Lou would love that!  You're his favourite band!  You have to do it!" Squealed Amy clapping her hands and bouncing a little in her seat "Ok we have got to exchange numbers.  We need to seriously talk about this - it's going to be Louis' best birthday ever!"

"Ok, so before he gets back" Harry told the two girls after he'd saved their numbers in his phone "The date will be Saturday 18th December.  Text me the names and numbers of the people you think he will want to be there, and I'll sort out hotels and transport.  We've got the entertainment sorted.  Nick Grimshaw and Scott Mills are going to DJ for the night" he continued, naming one of his best friends, and a presenter at radio one who was Louis' favourite "Niall's sorting out catering...I just need to get a cake sorted..."

Harry was so engrossed in his planning, that he didn't notice the door to the bathroom open, and Louis strut out, drying his hands on the legs of his jeans.

"You're in my spot" Louis said pointedly to Charlotte returning to the table with a grin.  He frowned a little "what are you all talking so closely about?" He asked, noticing how they were all squeezed together with guilty faces.

"Harry was being soppy about you!" Piped up Amy "Saying how much he misses you when he's away!"

No longer looking suspicious, burst into a smile and plopped himself straight into Harry's lap, making Amy jump to her feet to get out of the way of Louis accidentally kicking her.

"I was only gone for a minute" Eskimo kissing Harry, who closed his eyes and hummed happily, hooking his finger under the neckless he was wearing, leading Louis' mouth to sweetly meet with his.

"One minute too long babe" Harry smirked into the kiss, smiling even more as Louis' tongue seductively dipped slightly past his lips.

"Ugh...ok boys...as sweet as this is...we're trying to eat here!" Charlotte pretended to complain, covering her eyes with her hands "Save it for when you're on your own would you!"

"Shut up, it's cute!" argued Amy, playfully slapping away her hands "You need a little more romance in your life Char!"

"I get plenty of romance thank you" sniffed Charlotte, but she removed her hands and looked on at Harry and Louis, still kissing, still with big smiles on their faces, sweetly stroking each others cheeks.  

 

For the rest of the morning, Harry and Louis trotted from shop to shop, examining furniture, buying kitchen essentials (Harry didn't even have plates or a washing up bowl) and testing out every settee they saw.  Harry had many specifications.  1.  It had to be big enough for five people to sit on.  2.  It had to be comfortable.  3.  It had to look good.  4.  It had to be wide enough for two people to cuddle up  side by side - unfortunately this couldn't be tested out in the shop subtly, and besides there was nothing they liked.  Looked like they would have to use their bed a lot more - which neither of them were complaining about.

"Can we stop by my place on the way?" Louis asked Harry as they finished packing the car with their shopping bags "Forgot to do something this morning"

Harry nodded, smiling to himself about how much Louis had perked up during the day.  Maybe acting normal was the right thing to do after all.  Once Louis realised that he wasn't going anywhere, he was sure that Louis would open up to him.

 

"Hello darling" Jay greeted Louis as he trotted through the front door and into the kitchen "I thought you were...oh..." she spotted Harry walk in after her son "Hello Harry"

"Er...Hi"  Harry was a little surprised.  Jay was usually so welcoming to him, always offering him a cup of tea and most often gave him a welcoming hug - unless she was doing the washing up.  But today, she was acting...well...pissed off with him.  There was a frown on her face that he wasn't used to seeing.

"Boo?' Jay asked, turning to Louis with her usual bright, loving smile "Would you do me a big favour and pop out to get me some milk and Grandpa's paper?  Maybe deliver it to him for me?"

"Sure" shrugged Louis "Come on Hazza" he turned to go, and Harry went to follow him, but Jay quickly spoke up.

"No offence Harry, but would you mind waiting for Lou here?  There's a little matter of importance that I need to discuss with him that you can't be around for!" giving Louis' shoulder a little squeeze and winking at him "Can't have the birthday boy hearing all the secrets!"

"Ha, ok mum, I'll take my time then" grinned Louis, standing on his tip toes to give Harry a quick kiss "I'm sure you both have loads to talk about!" he added cheekily, strutting out of the door.

Jay turned away from Harry and went to the window, watching her son walk jauntily up the road.  Satisfied with how much distance he had walked away from the house, she turned back.  Her warm smile completely disappeared.

Harry cleared his throat, unknowing of why he felt suddenly so uncomfortable.

"I...er...I had an idea about Louis' birthday" he started, watching as her eyes bored into his.  He explained about his idea about getting Louis and Jay to London, saying that he wanted to take them to see some of the places Louis had told him he wanted to go - a flight on the London Eye, visit Radio One, go to the Harry Potter studio tour.  Then they'd go back to his get dressed up to go to dinner, but instead of going to a restaurant, Harry would take them to his surprise party.

He talked animatedly, seeing how Jay's eyes and mouth softened and curved, until she almost had a smile on her face.  But as he finished his explanation and was waiting awkwardly for a response.  Her lips hardened into a frown, almost glaring at a flustered looking Harry.

"That's a lovely idea Harry" she said finally, stuffing her hands into the pockets of her fleecy jacket "But before I commit to anything, and you organise anything else, I need to ask you something and I need you to be honest with me"

Harry frowned and gulped, having absolutely no idea what she was talking about.

Her left hand withdrew from her pocket, a folded piece of paper between her fingers which she passed to Harry.

It wasn't just a piece of paper.  It was a crumpled page ripped out of a tabloid magazine.

Unfolding it with clumsy, nervous fingers, Harry's eyes widened in horror as he stared at the picture he held in his hands, blood rushing to his face, skin feeling clammy as his brain tried to catch up with the bombardment of thoughts that bulldozed into his head.

It was a picture of him.  Taken a few months beforehand judging by how short his hair was, and walking through a busy shopping street.  But it was who he was with that mattered.  Who he had his arm slung around the shoulders of.  Who he was laughing with.  

In an instant, he could feel part of the web of lies he was trapped in, becoming more and more tangled as he struggled to break free from the binds that tied him.

"Tell me Harry" Jay spat, sounding chipped, voice trembling with what sounded like inner rage "How long exactly have you known William?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hiya! Thank you for reading! Hope you are liking it so far and thank you to the lovely people who left comments and kudos - they really are appreciated and I am thankful for every one of them!
> 
> Speaking of appreciation, I am getting to the stage where I would really could do with a beta. If anyone would mind helping me with this, either comment below, send an email to  
> angels-grace@hotmail.co.uk or send me a tweet @sharemysunshine. You would be really helping me out. 
> 
> Just in case this is my last chapter for a little while, I hope everyone has a really wonderful christmas. Take care, lots of love xxx


	23. Chapter 23

Still staring at the picture, Harry cleared his throat.  There was no way he could get out of this, he couldn't lie to Jay.  He wouldn't get away with it.

"About four years" he stammered, feeling a little weak in his legs "I've known Will for about four years"

"How did you meet?"

"Through a friend" answered Harry, that bit was true "At a party"

"was it romantic?"  Jay asked, hard eyed and abrupt.

"No!" Exclaimed Harry, quickly jolting his face upwards to meet her eye "We've never been like that!  Ever!  Honestly, I have never looked at him in that way!  Nothing has every happened between us!"

Jay nodded, looking a little relieved and obviously believing him.

"I need a cup of tea" she stated, sounding a little tired, looking as though a particularly large burden had been lifted from her shoulders "Would you like one Harry?"

Harry nodded.  Still a little dazed.

Jay bustled around, collecting two cups, pouring hot water from the kettle and adding tea bags and milk.

"Get that down you" she smiled, finally the Jay that Harry knew and loved "Im sorry I just blurted it out like that, but...well...neither of you have said anything about knowing each other before" she explained, referring to Harry and William "and when I saw that picture in an old magazine...I just thought the worst"

"That I'm dating both your sons?" Asked Harry, taking a small sip, enjoying the warmth of the tea slip down his dry throat.

"That you were using Lou to get over Will...or get back at Will" admitted Jay guiltily "Im so sorry Harry, I should have known better.  You're a good person...it's just...Louis isn't a very lucky boy.  He's a lovely boy...but he...."

"Gets involved with the wrong people?" Offered Harry, thinking back to the talk he'd had with Michael at Charlotte's party.

"Well yes" answered Jay crossly, taking an angry gulp and glaring at a memory "And poor Lou just gets so upset with himself...that it gets worse for him each and every time it happens" she sat down at the kitchen table "One time it got so bad that he didnt get out of bed for two weeks...and..." Tears gathered at the corners of her eyes.

Harry gently reached out his hand, and touched Jay's which sat clenched on the kitchen table as a gesture of comfort.

"I know" he said quietly "Will told me about it at the time"

Jay gave him a very precise, shrewd look, like something had occurred to her that until that moment she had forgotten

"You were at the hospital" she stated suddenly "During the night.  You were leaving as I was arriving.  I bumped into you!"

Harry could do nothing but nod slowly.  He could vaguely remember a harassed looking woman almost knocking him over in her haste to get through the door, but it wasn't something he'd bothered to remember once outside the building.

"Will went to you didn't he?" Jay sounded far away, piecing the bits together in her mind "He disappeared for so long because he went to see you, and you brought him back"

Again Harry nodded, feeling a lump starting to form in his throat.  It was like he was reliving Will's visit, that journey and seeing a poorly Louis in the flesh for the first time, all over again - and it was difficult the first time around.  It was even harder now that Louis was not just a body in a bed.  Louis was his boyfriend, his baby, the love of his life - and here was the reminder that it might have never happened.

"Are you still friends?"

"I hope so" Harry answered honestly "We haven't spoken for a little while.  He got upset with me for finding..." He faltered "I mean...meeting Lou"

Jay was sharp.

"Finding?" She asked "You came here looking for Louis?  Why?"

Harry could have kicked himself for revealing more than he wanted.  But it had just slipped out.  It was so much easier to speak the truth than make up a lie to cover it.

"Louis doesn't know" he insisted quickly and obviously "He can't find out.  Will doesn't want him to know"

"Why not?" Jay demanded "Why all the secrets?  What are you two playing at?"

"They're not my secrets" Harry shifted uncomfortably, grasping at his mug with both hands "Will..he has his reasons"

"What reasons?" 

"I...er...Jay...Im sorry, but Will is a good friend to me... one of my best friends actually...it's up to him if he wants to say why" Harry stumbled over his words, feeling so guilty, but not wanting to betray William, especially not to save his own skin.  Betrayal was not something Harry ever wanted to do.  He wanted to be a good person, he wanted to be trusted and relied upon.

"This is just so complicated" he finally groaned after a couple of minutes silence "I hate lying to Lou.  I hate keeping secrets from him.  I hate pretending that I don't know his brother" he looked up at Jay mournfully "I just feel like I'm letting my best friend down.  Because I just can't be there for him the way that I used to be.  I can't even do anything with Will on his birthday this year" he stated "We always do something on his birthday"

"I haven't seen my baby on his birthday for years" Jay told him wistfully "We used to all go to their grandparents together.  Now Lou gets his birthday and Christmas Day with them, and Will comes over at tea time when Louis' gone home.  They haven't been in the same room as each other for years.  It makes their Nana and Grandpa so sad" her voice wavered "They just don't understand why after for so long they were so close too"

'Tell me about them?" asked Harry, desperate to hear about the two brothers from a third parties perspective.

Jay stood up and indicated for Harry to follow her out of the room and into the living room.  Whilst Harry got as comfortable as he could on the settee, Jay disappeared, only to reappear a couple of minutes later with a large photo album.

"You might be sorry that you asked me that" she smiled, sitting down besides Harry and opening the book between them on their laps.  Flicking through the pages of the twins, who had clearly at one point been inseparable...and happy.

Jay chatted happily about the pictures, pointing various ones out with a humorous or sweet anecdote, looking so proud and adoring - but with the hint of sadness that what was in the book was no longer.

"William was always the leader" Jay told Harry, who was sitting with rapt attention "Always the social one, always looking for adventure and something exciting.  He really was a little whirlwind who dragged Louis around, like he was caught in a riptide!"

Harry smiled, he could totally see that.  One of the first things that had drawn him to William was his excitable personality.

"And Louis was the sensible one" she continued "He was just as much fun as William, but he believed that fun was a reward for working hard.  William just wanted to play"

Harry chuckled as she pointed out a perfect example of a picture.  Louis was relaxing in an outdoor hammock reading a thick text book, ignoring William who was making a frustrated face, clutching a football.

"He, I mean, William always used to refer to themselves as parts of one whole" Jay tried to explain, forehead creasing from remembering the correct words that William had used

"Louis was Yin, William was Yang.  Louis was Air and Water, William was Earth and Fire.  Louis was white and light, William was grey and dark.  And it was like that since the beginning.  William was the protector, Louis was the protected.  William was the doer, Louis was the thinker.  But it worked.  Louis grounded William and made him concentrate on the important things, and in return, William made Louis lighten up and have some fun"

"Jay?" Asked Harry quietly "What happened?  What made them change from..." he pointed to a photo of them grinning at the camera, arms around each other without a care in the world "To how they are now.  Because I know how much Will misses Lou.  But...well...Lou..." He trailed off.

Jay wiped her face looking thoughtful.

"Im not entirely sure" she admitted carefully "I don't think either of them has told me the full story.  But from what I gather, Louis' first boyfriend was the cause.  He wanted Louis to go to university in York with him, and went behind his back to get him a place there - good intentions, a lot of effort.  He sprang it on Lou as a surprise at their leavers ball...I suppose he thought he was being romantic"

Harry listened frowning, a coil of jealousy brewing in his stomach at the thought of Louis having another boyfriend other than him.

"Louis turned it down saying he wanted to go to Cardiff as planned with William" Jay continued "They had been planning it for years.  All I had heard for the six months previous was what they were going to get for their dorm room, what clubs they were going to join, places they wanted to explore"

"Sounds like it was pretty much set in stone" Harry commented.  It was strange hearing a story in reverse.  He already knew what the ending was, because he was with Louis, and this guy was out of the picture.  But even though he felt no threat, the thought of another man in Louis' life, trying to build a future with him was disconcerting.  

"Louis had to go to so much effort to get William to study so he would pass his exams and get accepted - bored poor Will out of his mind, but he did it because he knew what was at stake if he failed.  I can't imagine what Lou's face must have looked like when Mark sprung that news upon him!"

Harry managed a weak smile.  He could picture that face very well.  It was probably the same one he wore when he insisted on reading stupid articles in the tabloids about One Direction not getting along.  "Well of course they don't spend all their free time together" he would huff and snarl "I love Amy, Michael and Wendy to pieces, but I wouldn't want to spend 24 hours a day with them!"

"From what I understand, things got a bit heated - I think Mark was always a bit jealous of how close the boys were, and was probably very surprised when Louis put his foot down and said no!  So, Mark dumped him.  Apparently after saying some pretty hurtful things to Louis, about him and his brother, and if that wasn't enough...he physically hurt him"  her lips tightened in a thin line, Harry's toes curled in dismay.  Seeing his face, Jay put a calming hand on Harry's knee. "William was always very protective over Louis" she stated "like he was a lion with his cub...no one was allowed to touch or look at Louis in a wrong way when William was about"

Harry nodded, fully paying Jay his full attention.  It was like he was actually there.  He could see the white hot fury in William's eyes, see him clench his fists.  He felt exactly the same way.  There was just something innocent about his baby that made everyone's protective instinct engage.  Himself, William, his mother, Michael and Wendy, possibly Amy and Charlotte.  If Louis ever found himself in trouble, Harry was certain that there would be a lot of people only too eager to stand by him.

"Mark really hurt Louis" Jay seethed "I don't know what he said, or how hard he hit him - but it must have been brutal...my poor baby was limping for about two days afterwards.  All I know is that whatever it was, it was enough for William to go after Mark....defended his twin the only way he knew how...gave him the beating that I wish I could have given him!" her eyes flashed "I don't condone what William did" she added, suddenly seeing the shocked expression on Harry's face.  

In all the years he had known William, he had never seen even the hint of a violent side to him.

"Was...was Mark ok?" he had to ask.

"Concussion" Jay recalled "Broken nose, broken rib and a very bruised face.  He deserved it"

"Fuck..." breathed Harry, rubbing his face with his hands, looking aghast, at both the thought of someone hurting his baby, and realising for the first time what the extent of damage an angry William could do!

But Jay wasn't finished.  Of course.  She hadn't actually answered his question yet.

"I never realised until the day after how much Louis must have loved Mark" she remarked "He was a nice boy - well I thought he was - and they had been together for quite a while.  But...I don't know...I never saw them being together forever kind of relationship.  But I must have been wrong because Louis was so devastated, and so furious with William! Or maybe he had really scared him to see his twin like that and watch him really hurt someone. In all their years, they never had an argument that lasted longer than a couple of hours.  They never went to bed on an argument - it was their rule.  But this time.  Louis wouldn't even sleep in the same room as William.  The next day, he moved every bit of his stuff into the spare room - including his bed and refused to come out.  William was beside himself.  Sat crying next to the spare room door all day and all night until he fell asleep because he was so exhausted to stay awake.  Two weeks later, William went off to university alone"

"But I thought...." Harry interrupted

"Louis refused to go - Will refused to leave Lou behind at one point - but then Louis stormed out of his room, shouting at Will, saying that if he didn't leave then Louis would because he no longer had a brother !"

Jay stopped, intaking a painful breath.

"Everything changed" she continued "Louis became a recluse.  Started playing that online game for hours on end, sitting blankly at his computer, just mindlessly killing things on the screen. It was all I could do to get him to eat, or even speak to me.  He stopped visiting his grandparents, stopped responding to his friends - although he would be quick to tell you that he never had any.  He cried himself to sleep every night"  she remembered "Then when he'd fall asleep, he'd cry more, screaming, thrashing around.  The whole ordeal just traumatised him.  After a while, he tried to replace Mark.  I think he knew not to contact him again, or he couldn't bring himself to do it.  But the people he brought home!" she shook her head in disgust "Horrible vile creatures who were in no way good for him!"

"What happened with Will?" Harry asked, he knew more than Jay did at this point, but those were the secrets he wasn't at liberty to share with her.

"William settled down at university eventually" Jay frowned "He called me every day.  Asking how Louis was.  Was he ok?  Was he eating properly?  What did he do in the day?  Had he mentioned him at all?  I shouldn't have done it, but I lied to him.  I said he was fine and healthy and that he didn't need to worry and I was sure that it would all blow over eventually.  I was so sure that it would be over in a few weeks and they would be back together again.  But the weeks turned into months,  William trying so many times to get Louis to talk to him. But Lou was having none of it.  Months suddenly turned into years.  Louis moved out.  I tried to visit him, but he kept cancelling on me at the last minute.  I didn't even know he had a job until I went into his shop and saw him there with my own eyes.  He didn't tell me anything. Until the last boyfriend he had abandoned him.  It must have been the last straw.  He called me first thing in the morning crying.  I went to pick him up, I brought him home to my place and he never left.  It was a couple of weeks after that, that....he...."

"Hurt himself?" gulped Harry, internally feeling apparitions of the pain Louis had once experienced.

"I thought it was the end" Jay trembled with the memories, the pictures in her mind more pronounced in her vision than the tangible photos in her lap "And when I saw William.  It was such a shock to me!  I knew Louis was struggling, but either I didn't want to believe how bad it was or was blind to the changes in him, maybe it was because it had been creeping up on me for so long.  But when I saw William, I realised exactly how sick Louis was.  Physically and mentally - they were no longer identical, and when William saw him...I've never seen him so angry!  If I wasn't his mother I am sure he would have attacked me right there and then!  We didn't talk.  We just sat there, for hours just waiting for him to wake up.  The relief I felt when he opened his eyes and looked at me for the first time - he looked so upset and confused, but then he saw William...and...I didn't even recognise my son anymore.  Louis would never have looked at William with such disgust and hatred, just lying there, staring at him....like he was nothing.  William was distraught enough as it was, as soon as Louis fell asleep again, he couldn't get out of there fast enough"

"Then he came to see me"  Harry filled in quietly, looking at the carpet, almost feeling William fall into his arms again.

"Where were you at the time?" asked Jay "He was gone for hours"

"London" Harry replied "He just got on a train and came straight to my home.  He wanted some space, a hug and a cry.  I drove him back as quick as I could, because he really wanted to be back with Lou.  He needed to be with Lou"

"And you came to see him" smiled Jay, wiping her eyes "Harry, if you had any idea what an effect you had on Louis without even knowing it.  You were even there, possibly hours before it happened.  I really do believe you saved his life Harry"

Harry frowned "I didn't do anything" he tried to say, but Jay shushed him

"You made him believe again Harry" she insisted, taking both of his hands in hers "Do you have any idea how powerful it is to believe?  Louis was an empty shell, no hope, no excitement, no determination to even live!  And then he saw you!  Singing the words that he wanted to hear, and it touched him.  Touched him so deep inside, awakened his curiosity.  I don't know what it was about you Harry, but you gave him hope again.  You gave him a reason to keep trying"

Harry had no words, to hear this coming from Louis' mum's own mouth was a humbling experience.  He hadn't done anything, and here she was thanking him for saving Louis' life!

"Harry, do you believe in fate?" Jay asked passionately, gripping at his fingers in her hands "Because I can't help but believe that you and Louis were meant to be together.  Why would he have had such a strong reaction to seeing you that first time?  You never would have met Louis in your line of work" her eyes were darting back and forth erratically, thinking hard "It all makes sense.  You met William because he would one day lead you to Louis, and it did,  you came looking for him!  Why did you come looking for him Harry?"

Her eyes searched his face as though all the answers of the universe was etched upon his cheeks.

Harry scratched the back of his neck feeling uncomfortable "I saw a picture of him and Will, and....I thought he was the most beautiful boy I had ever laid eyes upon" he finished, an involuntary smile tugging at the corners of his mouth at the warmth he'd felt when he'd first set eyes on Louis' picture.

Jay smiled contentedly "And yet you already knew his identical twin" she remarked triumphantly.  She frowned suddenly "Why did it take you so long to come and find him?"

"Uh...not exactly sure" Harry admitted, she had thought the same as he had done countless times "It took me three years to pluck up the courage to actually do something about it"

"Because it wasn't the right time" Jay decided to herself "Louis needed time to get his head straightened out"

"Jay?  Are you feeling alright?" Harry asked, who had noticed the slightly manic look in her eyes a few minutes back, slightly concerned that something they'd talked about or rehashed had sent her over the edge.

Immediately, Jay relaxed and sighed "Sorry, I must sound crazy" she laughed "But I do believe that everything happens for a reason, everyone has a special path in life that they end up following, and I am convinced that everything Louis has been through was to get to be with you Harry"

Harry couldn't help but wonder if she was right.  If you believed in signs and the mystical theories of the universe, Harry and Louis did seem to gravitate towards each other.  As absurd as it sounded, he kinda liked the idea.  Fate, meant to be....he couldn't imagine it any other way.

"Harry, I need you to help me with something" Jay asked, cutting through his thoughts and looking at him imploringly 

"Anything" promised Harry without even thinking about it.

"I need you to help me get Louis and William back together again" Jay pleaded with Harry "Now he's with you, Louis won't care about what happened with Mark!  He probably just doesn't know how to go about taking the first step"

 

Harry thought back to the "Go fuck yourself" text in reply to Will's "I love you.  I miss you bro xx" text.  He thought about how Louis only spoke about William when he was drunk, and didn't entertain questions when Harry prompted him at other times.

"Jay...I wish there was..."

"Harry please!" Jay begged "I know you've done so much for my family already, but this is the last step to making everything perfect again. Please try.  It's their birthday soon and I really wish they could spend it together and put all of this behind them.  I was thinking..." she broke off, flipping the pages over and over until she found one she'd taken of the two boys at their sixteenth birthday, blowing out the candles on one cake "This could be them again"

Harry's eyes widened, a sinking feeling gnawing at him "You want to invite Will to Lou's birthday don't you?" he stuttered, already wishing that he hadn't planned the event at all.  Louis was going to hate this idea, and the fact that it was a surprise party was just even worse!  They would practically be ambushing him!

"Think about it" Jay insisted "It's going to be a huge party by the sounds of it.  All of Louis' friends will be there so it won't be too awkward.  You can pretend that you're just meeting Will for the first time and you can say that I forced you into inviting him.  You would be being a good friend by seeing him on his birthday"

"You thought of that very quickly" Harry stated, raising one eyebrow suspiciously 

"I grew up with twin boys" Jay smirked, noticing that Harry wasn't objecting to her idea "I learnt to multitask on my feet"

Harry covered his whole face with his hands, thinking miserable thoughts.  How could he say no to Jay's request.  On one hand it could be the best thing and it could fix things - and Harry wanted nothing more than to see his best friend and his boyfriend back together again.  But....it could just as easily ruin everything.  He could loose Louis - that was the worst scenario.  But how could he say no to Jay?  She was looking so hopeful and pleading.

Taking a big breath, and hoping with every single fibre in his body that he wasn't making a big mistake.  Harry brought his hands down to his knees with a clap.

"I'd better order another cake" was all he said, not being able to help the weak smile he gave as he watched Jay's eyes light up with glee and appreciation "Just one thing?" asked Harry carefully "We will have to warn Louis beforehand. We can't just spring it on him. Can you be the one to tell him?"

"You're such a kind boy Harry" she stated, leaning over and giving him a huge hug "You won't regret this I assure you.  Everything is going to be wonderful again!"

Harry very much doubted that this would be true.  But he hugged her back, it was hard not to get caught up in her enthusiasm.  Even so, there was so much that could go horribly wrong.

And now Harry had another secret to keep from his boyfriend.

 


	24. Chapter 24

Louis bounced up the road, wondering if his mum and Harry really were going to be talking about his birthday.  It had been such a long time since he'd looked forward to one. They just were not the same as an 'only child', no matter how much he talked himself into how much better an option it was to the alternative, but maybe if he got to spend it with Harry, he wouldn't feel so alone.

As much as he tried to pretend it was the last thing on his mind, his brother's presence was something that plagued his mind at least three times a day.  In everything he did there was always a shadow of a memory, reminding him, goading him, about how things could have been.  When it came to a special occasion, like their birthday, Christmas or a family birthday, the shadow obscured his vision so it was all he could see - through the rose tinted glasses that stuck themselves to his eyes, only remembering the good times...until brown eyes clouded his thoughts once again, the rose cloud lifted and Louis would wallow once more of what he had lost and what it had cost him.

Harry had been a godsend,  Harry not only managed to squeeze himself between Louis and his shadow, filling up the vacant gap that William had left behind him, he was also starting to slowly tweak at the microscopic elements in his brain, effectively defraging his thoughts like a computer would do to his hard drive.  Harry was such a strong, consistent presence in Louis' weak and fractured world, gently erasing the memories and hurt of past relationships, sewing up what used to be gaping wounds in his soul and putting back together the puzzle of his heart as effortless as it was for Harry to breathe in and out.

There was only one thing Harry could not do.  Just like an eclipse where the moon temporally blocks out the sun, Harry would only ever be an eclipse blocking out William. William would always be there, shining brightly like the sun, waiting for the moon to shift and take his place in Louis' life. Something which Louis would never allow.  Just like he felt about sharing his past with Harry, Louis felt it safer for them both to be kept in the dark.

It took Louis minutes to walk to the shop and pick up the milk and papers, and decided it was about time to pay his Grandparents a proper visit for the first time in months - something he felt very bad about as he let himself into their house and saw the massive smiles that crossed their faces - which looked much older than he had remembered.

His nana and grandpa were as excited to see Louis as he was to see them - rushing to get him some hot chocolate and sitting him down in a comfy chair, listening with rapt attention as Louis told them about work, his new friends, and of course, he gushed about his wonderful new boyfriend Harry and the new house - showing them pictures he's saved on his phone.  Hours passed quickly, Louis relaxed and as his grandpa switched on the news at six, Louis found his eyelids getting heavy as the lack of sleep he'd had the previous night finally caught up with him, the chatter on the tv gently lulling him to sleep.

 

"Baby?"

Gentle fingers stroked his face and hair, opening his sleepy eyes to see bright green ones twinkling inches from his face.

"Hazza?"

Harry chuckled, rocking back on his heels where he was crouching next to the arm chair.

"You've been asleep for so long babe" he smiled, thumbing over his cheek bones and gazing at him adoringly "I've fixed the house up a bit, want to go see it and get something to eat?"

Still a little foggy, Louis nodded and gazed over Harry's shoulder at his nana and grandpa and his mum, all watching the pair with fond expressions and smiling - all three of them so happy that their boy had someone like Harry taking care of him.

Jay had brought Harry round to get him a couple of hours ago, but knowing how badly Louis had slept the night before, insisted that they let him rest and he would be back in a couple of hours.  The sweetness of the gesture was enough to win over his Grandparents straight away, and Jay was still overwhelmed by Harry's promise to help her with William.

"Come on baby" Harry eased his arms around Louis' small frame, lifting him into his arms as effortlessly as he would lift a small child.

"it was lovely to meet you both" Harry stated to Louis' grandparents as they got up to walk him to the door.  Louis slid out of Harry's arms onto the ground to give both his Nana and Grandpa a goodbye hug.

"Don't be a stranger boo" his Nana whispered in his ear "He seems a really nice boy" she continued with a little smile "You should consider keeping him!"

Louis gave her an extra long squeeze and he smiled happily into her shoulder.  He was definitely planning on keeping Harry!

 

 

"So I did a little sorting out whilst you were asleep" Harry was saying as he carefully walked Louis through his front door, hands covering the smaller boys eyes, and shuffled him down the hallway into the living room/kitchen.

"You can't have done that much" Louis sniffed, trying to find a gap in Harry's fingers to peep out of "We didn't buy that much!"

"We got the essentials" argued Harry "Now...ta da!" he pulled his hands off Louis' eyes and swung his arm back to reveal.....

"You plugged in the tv!" Louis' cocked an eyebrow, his lips moving into a small smirk as he watched his boyfriend's face fall slightly "Well done Hazza!"

"And the Xbox!" Harry smirked back when he realised Louis was joking "And I got those cushions....and....threw them on the floor!" he laughed "Ok, I've not exactly had much to do, however.  We now have a working tv, somewhere comfy to sit and cuddle....and...." he lifted a stack of DVD cases off of the floor "I borrowed a few from your massive collection.  Thought we could snuggle up and order in from that pizza place you keep banging on about"

Louis' mouth pretty much salivated at the thought.  He'd been craving a meal from Pizza Cafe for ages, and he could barely remember when he last ate.

Sitting heavily down next to Harry who was trying out the new huge scatter cushions he'd purchased, he let himself be tugged into his boyfriends frame as he opened the menu on his phone, feeling his breath hitch as Harry hooked his chin over his shoulder, stray curls ticking his jaw, the slightest touch of Harry's teeth gently nipping at his ear lobe, taking away all of his ability to concentrate on anything except warm breath penetrating his ear, strong arms wrapped around his chest, nimble fingers stroking his arms.

Pizza finally ordered - the menu had been forgotten momentarily as Harry showed how much hungrier for Louis than actual food - the two boys took up their usual stance, bodies curled up around each other, more interested in languid, passionate kisses and touches than the film they'd put on.

The intercom sounded with a rude interruption, Harry sighing as he had to pull himself away from Louis to answer.

"Pizza's here" he told a disheveled, glassy eyed Louis, adjusting his trousers where they'd gotten a smidge uncomfortable "You get the door, I'll find my wallet"

The doorbell rang.

Skidding to the door, Louis feeling slightly weak as he imagined the taste of what he knew was going to be delicious food and threw it open to find....Matt...

 

Matt was a guy who worked at his company as a medicines delivery driver, who used to be one of Louis' friends...a friend who showed up at his house drunk in the middle of the night when he wanted someone to fuck...Louis had completely forgotten that he also worked evenings at Pizza Cafe.

Matt's face had no expression as he stared Louis up and down - which was nothing new, Matt only had one expression - blank distain.

"Er...hi Matt" Louis squeaked, skin crawling at the way Matt seemed to be learing at him "How's you?"

 

"Found it!" Came Harry's triumphant voice from inside, appearing almost immediately at Louis' side "Sorry mate" he said apologetically to a frosty looking Matt "How much?"

Matt sneered, ignoring Harry's question.

"So the rumours are true" he chuckled mockingly "You are fucking the gay one from One Direction!"

Louis' face blushed red from embarrassment, looking down at his feet and wishing Matt would just stop staring at him, his intense gaze more intrusive than an X-ray.

Harry looked a little taken aback at the statement, but quickly recovered.

"Do you know this guy Lou?" He asked hesitantly, wondering how his sweet little Louis could know such a jerk.

Louis jutted his head in a brief nod, "This is Matt" he muttered "We work together"

"Cheers" Matt responded dryly "And here was I thinking we were close friends"

Louis said nothing, just stood there regretting every time he let Matt into his house....into his bed....into him....eugh...the things he had done before he'd met Harry just made want to throw up all over Matt's trainers.  If Matt actually mentioned the things they'd done, Louis was sure that he would!

"Sorry mate, my boyfriend's never mentioned you before.  I'm Harry Styles" Harry said, smoothly holding out one hand to Matt whilst sliding the other arm protectively around Louis' rapidly moving chest.

The sneer on Matt's heavily unshaven face broadened despite his mouth barely visible beneath his thick beard and moustache, looking Harry up and down like he was dirt, making no move to shake his hand, even out of politeness.

"Boyfriend eh?" Matt's laugh was not pleasant "Punching above your weight aren't you Louis?" he jabbed the corner of the pizza box into Louis' stomach to make the boy flinch and look up "Don't think this junk is going to do you many favours...or is pretty boy just trying to fatten that chubby ass of...."

"Don't you dare talk to Louis like that!" Harry spat, his face contorted with irritation at Matt's disgusting attitude "Apologise, take the money and fuck off!"

"Don't" whispered Louis urgently, grabbing hold of the finger Harry was jabbing at Matt's chest and trying to back Harry into the house "It doesn't matter"

"No" snapped Harry, holding Louis tightly to his chest "It does matter" he glared at Matt "Apologise!"

Matt rolled his eyes and shoved the boxes at Louis.  He wasn't interested in the slightest that Louis had a boyfriend.  He did care about not getting regular shags though...when he couldn't pull anyone else...maybe he shouldn't have been so hasty to discard Louis when he was still available...his ass was always so welcoming and tight!

"£29.80" he stated sounding bored "Unless you want to chat some more?  Bet I could tell you a few tips on what Louis likes to get him off!" he smirked once more as he watched Harry's face redden with composed anger, then at Louis who to his pleasure was looking slightly green, his eyes huge against the paleness of his face.

With a snort of revoltion, Harry flung the notes at Matt, pulled Louis back into the house and slammed the door in the boys face, hearing his delighted laughter echo in the silent hallway.

 

He reached for Louis, but the smaller boy had retreated quickly to the living room, curling up on the cushions once more, leaving the pizza boxs on top of the kitchen surface as he passed - appetite long gone.

"Oh baby" Harry breathed, sitting down besides him and pulling him into his arms "Are you ok?"

Obviously Louis wasn't.  He was too quiet.  He let Harry hold him, stroke his hair, whisper in his ear how much he loved him, but didn't utter a single word.

"You should eat something babe" Harry murmured, hearing Louis' stomach gurgle for the third time "You stay here, I'll get...."

"Not hungry" Louis murmured sadly, wrapping his own arms around his tummy as though he was trying to squeeze it to make the hunger pains go away.

"Who was that guy?" Harry fumed, his green eyes glittering as he linked Louis' sudden reluctance to eat with what this jerk Matt had said about him "Where does he get off talking crap to your face and you actually listening to it?"

"Doesnt matter" Louis replied quietly, moving away from Harry and choosing to curl up in a little ball, lying down on the cushion with his face pressed into the fabric "I'm nobody" his voice was muffled , Harry's blood boiled.

Calmly, Harry gently patted Louis' shoulder, dropping a swift kiss onto his temple, and went to fetch both pizza boxes - luckily the contents was still hot - and two plates.  Sitting down besides Louis once more, he put a couple of pieces on a plate, holding it in front of Louis' nose so that the delicious aroma floated into his nostrils.  Louis sniffed, his tummy rumbling once more.

"Come on baby, just eat a little bit for me" Harry coaxed "You love this food, don't let that prick ruin your dinner"

"But it's junk" Louis whined, refusing to move "He's right, I am punch..."

"Stop right there!" Harry Commanded "It's just pizza baby and your ass is not chubby!" He exclaimed wanting to tear chunks of his hair out "He's probably just wishing he had a boyfriend as amazing as you"

Louis laughed scornfully "You blatantly don't know Matt!"

"Dont want to" shrugged Harry, pushing the plate a little closer to his face, nudging it on the side of his cheek "Now eat!"

"Im sorry"

Louis moved his face a little, looking up at Harry with a little sad face that broke Harry's heart.

"What for babe?" Harry asked, laying down besides him, long legs hanging off the cushion onto the floor and throwing an arm over his shoulders "You have nothing to be sorry for"

Louis looked mournfully into Harry's eyes for a couple of seconds, feeling undeserving of the sympathy radiating out of his boyfriends eyes.

"For making so many mistakes before I met you"

"What mistakes?" Harry closed the tiny gap between them by pressing his lips softly to Louis'.

"I...erm...well...me and Matt...we...uh...we...kinda...fucked"

Louis stammered looking ashamed.

"He's your ex boyfriend?" Asked Harry aghast, realising this was the type of creature Jay must have been talking about earlier.

"Not....no...just a fuck...thing"

"You weren't in a relationship but you had sex?" Asked Harry bluntly, not liking in the slightest what he was hearing, and the pictures he couldn't help imagining.

Louis cringed and nodded "massive mistake"

"You let him touch you?" Harry didnt mean to say the thought aloud, clapping his hand to his mouth after his filter had kicked in. He almost closed his eyes, he knew the answer and the confirmation was just going to make him....

Louis nodded, squeezing his eyes tightly shut at the revelation.  

And there is was.  

Freezing cold, icy streaks of jealousy.  Harry was nicer than Matt was, kinder, caring, and...dare he think it, more attractive than that revolting excuse for a human being that had tried to belittle and hurt his baby on the doorstep!  And yet he had seen every inch of Louis!  He'd felt every millimeter of his skin, gripped his fingers into his gorgeous naked bum...Harry had never wanted to punch someone in the face more than he wanted to pound on Matt right there and then!

Harry just didn't understand how someone like that was allowed to access all areas, when he, who actually loved Louis so much and would hands down worship every part of him, was not even allowed to even caress his thighs too throughly.  It just wasn't fucking fair!

"But you weren't in a relationship"  Harry needed to clarify

"No Harry, we weren't!"  Louis' voice was laced with sarcasm "We weren't together, he doesn't even acknowledge me in work, he just used to come over when he was drunk and we fucked!  Is that enough information for you!"

Harry huffed, rolling onto his back and staring up at the ceiling, biting his bottom lip.  He felt so...hurt...and jealous...and...why was Matt able to treat Louis like shit and get...everything.

"How can you let him treat you like that?" Harry wondered aloud quietly "You don't deserve that Lou"

Louis rolled away from Harry, turning his back to the younger boy "Some people have relationships" he said blankly "Some people fuck, and some people get fucked"

It was obvious which one Louis reckoned he was, Harry's fists clenched at his sides.  It just wasn't right.  Frowning heavily, Harry sat up, slumping against the cushions and the wall, absentmindedly stuffing a slice of pizza into his mouth - Louis had been right.  It was the best pizza he'd ever tasted, shame he was too busy feeling sorry for himself to properly enjoy it.

Harry knew he should be comforting Louis, telling him really sweet and meaningful words to make him smile and feel better about himself - and Harry really wanted to.  But at that moment, Harry felt like he was the one who needing taken care of.  He just couldn't stop comparing himself to Matt, couldn't stop thinking that maybe Louis just wasn't attracted to him in that way.  He knew it was childish, he knew it was clingy...he just really needed to know that Louis really wanted him - but Louis was curled in a ball, still facing the other way...and as much as Harry wanted to plaster himself against Louis' back, pressing his nose into the softness of the back of his neck and tangle his arms up with his boys'.  There was something stopping him from actually doing it.  The fear of rejection.

"I love you Louis" Harry said quietly, saying the only thing on his mind that was appropriate to say, hoping with everything he had inside him that he'd hear the words back.

"Love you too Hazza" murmured Louis, rolling over finally, searching his face with anxious wide eyes of the purest blue "I'm sorry for all the mistakes I made before I met you"

"Maybe those mistakes just make me look better" Harry offered kindly, picking up a slice of pizza and holding it up to Louis' mouth.  It was bothering him no end that Louis had been put off eating because of that prick.  It bothered Harry that Louis would rather take Matt's opinion more seriously than his own, watching Louis with a wary expression until Louis took a bite, chewed slowly, then carefully extracted the whole slice from Harry's hand, sitting up and leaning against the wall, sneaking little looks at Harry out of the corner of his eye, who was watching him, expression unreadable.

Realising how hungry he was, Louis devoured his share of the pizzas, snuggling into Harry's arms once he was on the right side of feeling comfortably full, straddling his lap, pushing their chests together and capturing Harry's lips in a fierce, apologetic kiss, tugging a little on Harry's hair, knowing that it was a sure fire way of making the younger boy weaken, the soft moan of appreciation swallowed into his mouth as he slipped in his tongue, massaging it against Harry's, gently grinding his hips down, smiling against Harry's lips as he felt his boyfriend's member harden and thicken surprisingly quickly, large hands spanning the width of his back, sliding them lower and lower....

"Fuck...Lou...!" Harry groaned, not being able to help himself from jolting his hips up, squeezing Louis' voluptuous cheeks, control slipping slowly away from him as Louis kissed across his jaw, licking a fat stripe up his neck and then sharply sucking on an especially sensitive spot, nipping the skin between his teeth, resulting a low hiss escape Harry's slightly swollen lips as he rutted upwards against Louis' thigh.

Satisfied with the reddish, purple mark he'd created, Louis reattached his mouth to Harry's, loving how he had made his mans eyes heavy lidded and lust blown.

"Want to go to bed?" asked Harry, already standing up, Louis clutched in his arms and walking hurriedly towards the stairs.  Heart beating through his chest, thudding frantically against his rib cage as he grasped Louis tightly to him, choosing to stumble in his footsteps and bump into the occasional wall than tear his mouth away from that beautiful mouth that was working with his so fluidly.

Almost throwing them both onto the bed, Harry rolled Louis onto his back, instantly scrambling to hold his baby so close to him, raking his fingers hotly through his fine hair, every inch of his skin heated and longing as he breathed Louis' name over and over again against his lips, gasping each time his clothed erection gained friction against the thick expanse of his soft thigh.  Every time he'd kissed Louis, every time he'd held him close, every time he'd imagined how it would feel for Louis to completely let go and let himself be loved by Harry, he clearly had no imagination - because he never dreamt that it would feel  _this_ amazing!  He'd been intimate with others before, girls, boys, but compared to how he felt as Louis mouthed into his ear, warm breath sending little bolts of crackling electricity throughout each and every nerve ending as it ghosted tantalisingly over the shell where his boys tongue had just seductively licked.  He felt weak, completely willing to get down on his knees and do everything in his power to make this beautiful, sexy, adorable boy feel as loved and as doted upon as he was feeling right now.

 

Louis knew exactly what he was doing as he pulled Harry's mile long, lanky frame on top of him, wrapping his legs tightly around his waist, and with one hand on each of his pert little cheeks, forcefully ground the younger lads crotch against his thigh.  Harry was so strong and so masculine most of the time, but once Louis got his hands and his lips properly on him, he'd melt into this pretty, whimpering mess of heartfelt whispers, frantic yearning touches, trying to hold himself back from pushing Louis too far, but at the same time loosing all control of his limbs, letting Louis take complete control.  Louis had never been in control - he thrived upon it.

The signs were obvious, they had been for weeks - Harry badly needed to get off.  There was no disguising how he would instantly harden under the slightest of kisses or touches, his delicate instruments of his fingers desperately wanting to claw and knead into (what Louis knew was his best asset) his curvy, voluptuous backside, but always contenting himself with a gentle squeeze and caress.  But Louis was well aware that Harry needed more than just cuddles and kisses, and as much as the situation that evolved from admitting that he had been a major prick when it came to choosing men to find affection with - it was the perfect way of making up to Harry, letting him know exactly how much his pleasure meant to him, and hopefully showing him how grateful he was for having such a patient, giving boyfriend who clearly put others needs before his own.

If Louis actually had control of his cock, and it wasn't the repulsive stick of muscle and skin that it....(actually scrap that...sticks were hard!)..had been reduced to,  it would be all he could do to keep it in his trousers just by looking at his boyfriend - who was just so effortlessly enticing and sexy, even, no especially when he wasn't even trying!  Like when he came out of the shower, freshly washed, damp curls hanging in his face, wondering around in just a tight pair of boxer briefs, giving Louis a huge eyeful of his taunt, muscular stomach with it's intricate ink work....Louis soon realised he would get a severe case of memory lapse whenever Harry took his shirt off...which was about eighty per cent of the time!  If Louis had been made to wait as long as Harry had, he would most certainly be irate and more than a little sexually frustrated...Harry must be some kind of saint!

"Love you...so much..." Harry groaned, nipping his ear lobe between his teeth and giving it a little tug, pulling himself away from Louis' chest, just enough to pull his t-shirt off over his head, before diving back down on him instantly, as Louis ran his little hands teasingly up and down his sides, across his broad shoulders, up his neck, digging his tiny fingers amongst his hair, grasping gently at the baby hairs that fluffed around his neck, tugging slightly as their tongues wrestled together for dominance.

As Harry helplessly whimpered against his lips, panting Louis' name over and over as Louis palmed him through his tight, overly confining jeans, Louis wished for the millionth time that Harry had been the one to fix his problem, a part of him silently feeling that if someone as mouthwatering, pre come inducing as Harry couldn't make his dick stand up and pay attention - then....welll...there was obviously no hope for him...just proved exactly how fucked up his body and mind really was!

He ached to shed his clothes, spread himself wide open, so badly wanting to experience Harry hold him securely in his arms, rocking deep inside him, using his heels to push him in deeper inside him, feeling what would assuredly be a more meaningful level of intimacy between them, feeling so full of Harry, muffling his own cries of pleasure as he sucked harshly on the paper thin skin of Harry's neck, until he felt his boyfriend shudder with the most intense orgasm he'd never encountered before, cascade through him, coming so hard, right up inside Louis, gasping out his name before collapsing his fucked out, sated, satisfied torso, into Louis' loving arms, trembling from head to toe.

 

"Babe....slow down...." Harry managed hiss, reaching down between them, fingers closing around Louis' wrist, moistening his lips before reaching to kiss Louis slowly "Don't wanna come like this.  Want to make you feel good"

"Not before I make you see stars" Louis breathed, choosing to gently tug on Harry's hair, making whatever protests Harry was about to come out with, stick in his throat as he keened, completely unaware of Louis rolling them over so he was on his back, crouching over him, trailing his tongue lightly over his flushed skin, mouthing at his nipples until they were hard and perky, smirking at how Harry was squirming and whimpering underneath him when he had barely even started.

"So fucking sexy Hazza, you look so good and I want to taste you so bad!" Louis growled huskily. 

Harry whimpered once more, grabbing at Louis' shoulders, involuntarily bucking up his hips, his dick throbbing, painfully hard, craving any type of friction.  All it took was Louis' fingers lightly squeezing his balls by accident, as he sat back on Harry's thighs to unbutton his jeans.  Just that one little squeeze, after weeks of refusing to even touch him self, Harry was choking out Louis' name, voice straining as his back arched off the bed, spurting all over the insides of his boxers, eyes rolling to the back of his head, ears buzzing, heart racing, skin tingling, heavy breathing.

"Get here" Harry's big bear arms encircled Louis' small frame, making him fall clumsily against his chest, rolling him over onto his side, chests plastered against each other, Harry pressing hundreds of kisses all over Louis' face "Im so sorry baby" he whispered between kisses "I wanted to wait for you, but I just couldn't help myself"

"You did exactly what I wanted" Louis assured him, smoothing Harry's mussed up tangles of hair out of his face "I wanted to do that for you...let you know how much I love you"

"Can I?" Harry asked tentatively, moving one hand down towards Louis' belt "I want you to know how much I love you too"

He couldnt hide the offence he felt when Louis carefully moved his hand away "Show me you love me by not touching me?" He asked timidly, refusing to meet his eyes.

"You let Matt touch you!" Harry bit out, the bubble of bliss he was suspended in popping abruptly with a bang of self doubt "Do you just not feel attracted to me Lou?  Because this isn't right to me"

Louis didnt move away, but the atmosphere in the room changed dramatically "Can you not make a big deal out of it?" He asked desperately "It's not like I was able to get it up for him.  It's difficult enough that you know!  Why can't you accept it for what it is?"

"Then why did you allow him to make love to you?" Asked Harry in a small shattered voice.

"Fucked Harry, we fucked" Louis scoffed "Get over it already"

"So you trust him more than me?  That's just charming"

"That's bullshit!" Snapped Louis, rolling away from Harry and glaring at him "I...I fucking tried my best to get it up for you!  And I fucking failed!  I...don't want you to feel it, ok?"

"I just want to make you feel good baby" Harry whimpered, feeling close to tears, obviously the intensity of his orgasm had made him slightly emotional "I want to make you feel better than he did"

"Fucking him meant nothing to me" Louis insisted, rolling into Harry's chest once more "You have no idea how badly I want you to fuck...."

"What is it with you Tomlinson's and fucking?" Harry groaned, recalling a conversation he'd had with William, and how it was a word Louis used completely out of context when it came to Harry's intentions to him.  Then he sucked in a sharp breath...shit...

"Tomlinson's?" Louis frowned at him

"Tomlinson" Harry stuttered starting to feel internal panic set in.

"That wasn't what you said" Louis replied narrowing his eyes "Have you been talking to my mum about sex?" He asked suddenly looking aghast "Is that what she wanted to talk to you about?"

Harry let out a bark of laughter "No babe" he sincerely promised "We were talking about your birthday"

"Then why...."

"Just tell me you like me more than  Matt" Harry pleaded "I need to know...that...You would want me to...one day"

Louis sighed deeply, leaning forward and kissing Harry's gorgeous, jealous looking mouth "I want you so badly" he groaned honestly "I just...I need more time...Harry you're the only one I ever want to fu...make love to me...I love you..I hate Matt"

"I hate him too" Harry whispered, returning his kiss and wrapping him up in his arms "I hate how he got to do what I can't"

"One day love" Louis promised him "One day you will have all of me"

It was exactly what Harry wanted to hear, one day...he could wait for that.

Eyelids heavy and sleepy, Harry sighed, tucking the smaller boy into his body, so relaxed after so long.

"Can I tell you about your birthday now?" he whispered, not waiting for Louis to respond and smiling as he recounted "I'm taking you to London for the weekend.  We're going to go on the London Eye, I'm going to hide behind you at the London Dungeon, we'll visit Nick and take a tour of Radio 1, kiss on Primrose Hill and go to the biggest gaming shop in London!" he promised, kissing Louis' cheek after every place he'd named "You can finally see my house, you can finally meet the lads, and I want you to meet Gemma - you'll love her"

"Sounds like we need more than a weekend" Louis babbled, so excited about what Harry was telling him and wondering if this was what he and his mum had talked about "This is amazing Harry! I can't wait!"

"Your mum's gonna come up for one night"  Harry sleepily continued, barely with Louis, only conscious of the fact that his baby was in his arms and cuddling into him tightly, so blissfully content after his release that as far as he was concerned, he could be floating on a cloud "So I can take everyone out to the best restaurant for your birthday dinner.  It will be such a great night" he promised, yawing and tightening his grip on Louis' stomach "The food is fantastic, you can bond with my boys and my family and I can bond with yours"

"You've already bonded with my mum you twat" Louis beamed fondly, wondering if Harry was with it enough to feel his nose being flicked at teasingly.  Harry was so sweet when he was spent.

"Love your mum" Harry yawned again, stretching out his legs and rearranging Louis so he was spooning him from behind "But I mean I'll get to bond with William, your mum's inviting him...she's so excited"

 

In his arms, Louis' eyes shot wide open, his frame rigid, teeth clenching with disbelief.

What the fuck did Harry just say?!


	25. Chapter 25

"Is that okay Boo?"

Louis inwardly groaned and tried to stop himself from rolling his eyes.  It was a good job he'd been expecting this conversation, otherwise there was no way that he would be acting as calm and collected as he was now, and even that was an effort to achieve.

When Harry had first sleepily uttered those words to him four nights ago, Louis had been livid.  There was no way that he could have misheard or imagined it, and it wasn't like Harry was trying to be funny.  For one thing it wasn't an amusing topic, and for another, Harry could barely tell a joke when be was fully conscious, especially not after he was fucked out after an orgasm!

Louis hadn't uttered a single word. He just lay there, jaw clenched, body rigid, blue eyes glittering dangerously as he stared straight ahead of him at the blank wall in the darkness until he heard Harry's breathing even out and felt his arms slacken around his torso.  That was when he made his move.

Moving as slowly as physically possible, Louis slid uncomfortably out of Harry's embrace, tip toed to the bedroom door and quietly navigated his way back to the living room where he'd dumped his coat earlier.  Shrugging it on and fumbling in his pocket for his cigarettes and lighter, he chose to go outside into the back garden through the patio doors, sitting down with his back against the wall of the house.

It was so quiet.  The sky was clear of clouds, making the stars and moon gleam unusually bright.  No wind rustled the trees or plants, no noisy passing cars interrupted his thoughts.  The sound of his lighter spitting up it's flame sounding like a small explosion in the almost silent garden.

Raising his cigarette quickly to his mouth, he inhaled as eagerly as his brain was requesting, breathing out long and hard, wisps of smoke circling around him before drifting to the east.  It was easy to notice these things when there were topics on his mind he wasn't quite ready to digest.  

His first reaction was a big fat stinking no!  He didn't want to see William!  He definitely did not want Harry to meet William, let alone bond with him!  The idea was incredulous, ludicrous, absolutely ridiculous!  He huffed out another breath of smoke, agitated and cross, stubbing it out on the ground and starting a new one - the chemicals not doing their job of calming him in the slightest.  But was there even enough cigarettes in the pack to ease his mind?  Louis doubted it very much....

His head spun as he considered each and every outcome.  checking them off mentally one by one - none of them sounding like a positive solution would be accepted.  As much as he loathed the thought, there was only one possible thing to say....

Eleven cigarettes later, feeling suddenly cold, Louis crept back into the house and back to bed - hoping Harry hadn't woken up and wondered where he was.  

Of course he hadn't.   Sitting on the edge of the bed, Louis wished he could find it inside himself to smile as his gaze flickered over his boyfriend, who was laying comfortably on his side, hair fanning messily on the pillow, cuddling his own chest, since Louis wasn't there to do it for him.  Lips slightly parted, his handsome face so innocent and unaware that Louis was watching him so intently, so vulnerable....it occurred to Louis that what he was doing now, could subconsciously mean more to him than actually having sex -  trusting someone enough to allow them to be with you in a state where you were completely defenceless in a way was a deeper level of intimacy than he had ever considered before, and Harry fell asleep next to Louis night after night without giving it a second thought.

Louis was just a stupid boy.  A geeky, moderately good looking, hardworking, skeleton hiding boy who was in a nutshell - no-one...and then there was Harry.  Harry actual Styles.  Famous singer with A list celebrity status who, apart from when he was working, lived every day as though he was just like Louis...a normal boy, who called his mum every day, refused to buy new boots because he loved the ones he had and preferred to ride the tube around London because it was more expensive to pay the toll fees and parking.  He could have anyone he wanted...and he chose Louis...out of everyone, saw something inside him that must have been pretty amazing, because here was Louis sitting in the new house Harry had bought, a stones throw away from his own.  Harry must really love him so much more than he imagined, he trusted him with his secrets, his heart, his future, his time.

When Louis had a nightmare, sleeping next to Harry, it never lasted long.  Harry was always there in the dream, symbolising safety, beckoning him, showing him the right direction, and when he awoke, Louis felt his strong arms around him, heard the sleepy, calming voice croon comfort into his ears, and feel the soft kisses on his face.  He was there, sweet, supportive, trusting and loyal.

Dinner with Harry and William would be Louis' definition of a real life nightmare, and just like when he entered a dream at night, Louis had no idea what was going to happen, and like the prospect of a nightmare it scared him, hating the thought of being out of control.  He didnt want Harry and William to get along, talk to each other.  Harry was his and Louis was so scared that William would make him loose Harry, because once they met it would only be a matter of time.

But Harry would be with him, on his side, looking after him.  Harry would never put Louis in situation where he felt discomfort or see him come to any harm.  Louis trusted Harry's judgement far more than he trusted himself, and that was how he came to his conclusion.  Sitting on the edge of the bed, watching his boyfriend sleep.

 

"Ok" Louis tonelessly answered his mum, giving a small rehearsed shrug "He can come"

A look of utter confusion crossed Jay's face as she studied her son carefully.  This was something she had not been expecting.  Where was the anger?  Where was the pleading for her to not invite his twin?  Where were the tears?

"Are you sure?" She asked, wondering if she had been so wrapped up with the idea that she had actually imagined him agreeing.

"It's just dinner" Louis shrugged again, trying not to sound petulant "No big deal"

Jay just sat on the settee next to Louis, obviously trying to read and analyse him.  Again he shrugged, mustering the smallest smile for appearances - he didn't feel like smiling.  He really wanted to cry.

Jay sucked in a small breath through her lips, stuttering out milliseconds later.  Every muscle, limb and joint visibly relaxed, and it was only as Louis watched this, that he realised exactly how much tension and anxiety his mum had been carrying around with her all this time, affirmed seconds later, when he was almost knocked off his feet as Jay threw her arms around him in a gigantic teary hug.

"Aww boo!  That's amazing! He'll be so excited!  Thank you so much!" She exclaimed kissing his face and making him squirm a little from the sudden affection.  Letting him go, she looked around for her phone with bright, tear shining eyes "I'll go call him now" she told Louis happily "Make sure he's able to come.  Of course he would change his plans, Lou you have no idea what that means to us!"

"I'm gonna go hang out at Harry's" Louis announced hurriedly, jumping to his feet and grabbing his coat on the way to the door, he was not wanting to be around for the phone call "I'll be back later"

Jay hardly heard him, she was too busy buzzing happily as she told William that he was invited to their joint birthday dinner.  Now it was real.  Now it was actually going to happen.  Was it weak of him to agree so quickly?  As he walked up the road towards Harry's house, he felt each globule of tension and anxiety that had seeped out of his mum, scamper after him, attaching themselves to his shoulders, pressing heavy on his mind and chattering leeringly in his ear.  The outcome was foreseen.  Louis was going down.

 

 

Harry was exhausted.  The whole band were exhausted after a long day of being shepherded around for press interviews and photo shoots to promote their new single, barely giving the four boys enough time to eat before they had to put on their game faces and chat to more reporters - answering the same mind numbing questions that everyone thought were unique and original...it really was the part of their career that felt like a 'job'.

"Can i borrow your phone?" Liam asked, collapsing next to him on the settee as they waited for the next interviewer to be ushered into the room "My battery's gone flat"

"Sure" Harry tiredly muttered, digging it out of the pocket of his too tight jeans and passing it over, quickly checking for any texts or missed calls.  It was days as long as this one where he wished that he had Louis by his side 24/7, so he could cuddle up to him in these brief moments of breathing space.  

He missed Louis so much when he was away from him, but today was especially hard after the phone call he'd received from him earlier, knowing that more than ever that his baby probably needed him more than ever, and it killed him that he could only be at the end of the phone for a few minutes at a time, instead of by his side, holding his hands as he told him his news, seeing the expressions on his face instead of trying to imagine them, make him feel better about himself.  He was so proud of his baby, agreeing to something that he didn't want to do, just to make his mum happy - he'd sounded so upset and worried on the phone, telling him how Jay wanted William to come to dinner with them, and how he was worried about William meeting Harry - and although Louis never said it aloud, there was more than just a whisper of a worry in his voice, as though he considered agreeing to a family meal the same as signing his own death warrant.  Harry was slightly relieved that it was actually going to be a huge party he was surprising Louis with, and not the small intimate dinner he was expecting - but Harry still felt terrible, they were pretty much forcing Louis into a corner, and as much as Louis was trying to convey that he was ok about he, he was contradicting himself left, right and centre - one moment saying it was no big deal, the next, telling him what a big mistake it was going to be and everyone involved was going to regret it.

All Harry could do was tell him how proud he was of him.  How much he admired him for doing something so blatantly out of his comfort zone in order to make his mum happy, and remind him that he would be by his side the whole evening and it would be fine.

"The first step is always the hardest" he heard himself say.  Louis barely murmured in reply.

 

The phone call he'd received later from William had been the polar opposite.

"Mum just called!" William had excitedly burst out as soon as Harry had said hello "Lou wants me to come to his birthday party!  Is this true?  Is this actually fucking happening?"

Happiness.  William was so ecstatically happy that Harry didn't even mention that this was the first time he'd heard from his friend in weeks, and could only hope that somehow in this seemingly hopeless situation, that Louis would wake up and see his twin brother for the amazing boy he actually was, and hopefully put whatever he held against him behind, and then maybe, Harry and William could "become" friends.

 

He was staring into space, lost in memories of these phone calls when Liam sat closer to him than he normally did and went to whisper in his ear.

"Are you ok mate?" he asked, his big brown eyes looking more puppy like than normal "Do you want to talk about anything later?"

"Huh?" Harry asked, scrunching up his face in confusion.  What was Liam on about now?

"It's ok, we don't have to talk about it now" Liam continued, looking every inch as sympathetic and concerned as though Harry had just stated he was dying "But if you have any....problems...you want to discuss...you can confide in me, and I won't breathe a word of it to anyone"

"What are you talking about?" Harry asked, holding his hands up in defeat "I'm fine"

Liam shuffled closer "Look, I know you're under a lot of strain with the Louis and William thing, and...well sometimes...stress comes out in areas you didn't expect...but I'm sure it's just stress...you're going to be fine...everything...will...erm..." he looked awkward all of a sudden and uncomfortable "work...again"

"Erm...thanks...mate" Harry replied, slowly extracting his phone from Liam's hand and edging slowly away from him "Trust me...everything is fine"

Liam looked quickly around, making sure that Niall was still getting his hair done and chatting a mile a minute to Lou their stylist, and Zayn was still browsing through the rack of clothes - both of them well out of hearing range.

"You don't have to lie to me" he said quickly, crowding Harry into the arm of the settee "I know about...your...erm...problem...I saw your internet search history on your phone" 

Poor Liam, he looked so embarrassed and shifty.  Harry pulled up his internet browser and went to the history...and there, in black and white was what Liam had been going on about.

Erectile Disfunction define

Erectile Disfunction causes

Erectile Disfunction help

Ok.  Maybe he had also spent a lot of his downtime away from Louis researching into his problem.  Only now, Liam thought that it was Harry's issue.  Fuck.  Why hadn't he deleted his search history?

"We'll talk later" he muttered, feeling his face reddening, feeling very empathic towards his poor boyfriend.  If he felt this embarrassed when it wasn't even his problem, he could only imagine the level of discomfort Louis felt with actually experiencing it!  This was something else he should look into - how to sympathise with your lover who experiences erectile disfunction. 

 

Five long hours later which involved many outfit changes, much posing and long drawn out interviews, Harry let himself into his hotel room, hanging up his coat, pulling his t-shirt over his head, stretching tiredly as he flopped onto his bed, phone in hand, wishing that Louis was already in it for him to cuddle in to - he never had enough sleep when he was away from him.

"Finished!" announced Niall, storming through the door, startling Harry who launched himself off the bed, rolling into a protective stance, until his brain caught up with what he was seeing, and he lowered his arms, glaring at the blonde Irishman.

"Wish you wouldn't do that" he chastised, flopping back on the bed and watching as Niall jumped onto the foot of it, crossing his legs and beaming at Harry as though he hadn't just scared his mate half to death "What have you finished"

"Catering" Niall scoffed "All food has been sampled by yours truly, all arranged for Saturday night, all paid for"

"Great!" Harry enthused, taking the printed menu off Niall and glancing down the list approvingly "Thanks so much for arranging all this.  Where's the invoice?"

Niall grinned at Harry's dimpling smile "All paid for" he shrugged "Consider it part of my present to the birthday boy!"

"Part of?  You haven't even met him yet!"

Niall was trying hard to look modest, which was very hard with the how far his smile was stretched across his face "What can I say, I just know we're gonna be best buds in no time" he shrugged "He's one of us bro.  Anyway, food's on me.  Deal with it"

Harry punched Niall affectionately on the arm, before pulling him into a huge hug "Thanks mate.  That's really nice of you"

"Excited?"

Harry nodded looking a little unsure "I'm really looking forward to taking Lou around London" he told Niall "That's going to be great, and he's going to love the party...it's just..."

He twisted one of his rings on his hand.

"Just what?" Niall promoted, his face taking on a serious expression "Still worried about Ed?"

Harry stiffened "You have got to cut that out for starters!" he exclaimed as Niall used his affectionate name for William "You cannot call him that in front of Lou!  That's going to bring up all kinds of shit"

Niall staged an exaggerated gulp, trying to smile his way out of trouble.  Harry rubbed his face with his hands instantly worried.  Until he had become involved with Louis, he had always found it amusing at how William had got drunk at a party one time where Niall and Zayn were chatting about how amazing this mystery writer was who had written a song for the special edition of their debut album.  A mystery writer called Ed Sheeran.  Harry had watched as William preened and strutted around the pair in pride, before it all got too much for his swollen head to take in, and he had drunkenly admitted that he was actually Ed Sheeran, but they couldn't tell anyone because it was a secret and nobody could know....until later than evening when in front of Harry yet again, he admitted it to Nick Grimshaw before Harry had managed to convince him that he'd had enough and took him home to sleep it off....only to wake up with an extremely sore head, the hangover from hell, and complete and utter remorse over his loose lips.  To William's relief Niall and Zayn just thought it was funny, and although neither of them (Harry included) didn't see the point of hiding that kind of talent, they hadn't breathed a word - even to this day Liam still thought William and Ed were two different people!

"Sorry Haz.  I promise not to say it again" Niall assured him, he registered the somber look in Harry's eyes, which he was rubbing tiredly with the back of his hand "Are you ok?"

"I just realised how wrong this could go" Harry said slowly, his green eyes widening, cogs in his head turning at a painstakingly slow speed "What the fuck have I gotten myself into?"

Niall scooted up the bed and leaned against the headboard, stretching his legs out, crossing them at the ankles and reaching for the room service menu.

"What is the worst case scenario?" he asked debating between some kind of steak sandwich or something proper.

"I don't know, my crystal ball needs recharging" Harry muttered, checking his phone once again for any missed calls or texts "Everything is going too well for my liking...or I could just be paranoid...."

Niall rolled over to face him, serious expression in full force.

"Everything will be fine" he insisted "William's a great lad and to be honest, Louis is probably upset about something really trivial that he's just been holding a grudge against.  He's probably going to see his brother, realise what a dick he's been, cry a bit, hug a bit and spend the rest of the evening apologising, and then eating cake with me....you did get enough cake right?  That wasn't on my list"

Harry rolled his eyes "It's so nice that you are more concerned about the status of the cakes than Louis and William"

"Louis and Will are going to be fine.  It's the cake that's the real concern...you're not that big a fan of cake"

Harry wished he could be as blasé as Niall was.  Of course Niall didn't have as much to loose as Harry did.

 

 

Two days later Harry was singing at the top of his voice as he made, what he now called his journey home.  

It was early evening on Friday, work was finished for a few days, and he was on his way to surprise Louis and start their weekend away early.  As far as he was concerned, the plans were airtight.  The hotels were booked with a special suite for himself and Louis.  Amy, Charlotte, Jay, Michael and Wendy were all set to travel up the next day, who were going to meet up with Liam and Sophia - their personal tour guides and trip organisers for the weekend.  

Niall was organising the setup at the venue.  Zayn had confirmed the attendance of the entire guest list - which was mainly made up from all the important people in his life that he wanted Louis to meet - his family, his best friends - both from his childhood and the celebrity circuit, along with the boys significant others.

Then there was William.  He was organised to arrive about an hour after Louis was due to, that way, it wouldn't be such a big deal, and it would be clear to Louis that it was his birthday party, and William was just a guest - Harry hoped that little gesture would put Louis slightly more at ease.

Pulling into his drive, Harry hopped out the car, extracting from the boot a box of bits and pieces he'd brought down from his old house to decorate his new house with.

He was just going to drop that off, have a quick shower, change clothes and then go and surprise his baby...he was almost pulsing with excitement at seeing him, even a few days was too long, even a few hours were too long!

Unlocking the front door, Harry frowned in curiosity as he saw light coming from under the living room door and the sound of music and laughter.  What was this?

Cracking open the door, Harry peeped around the frame, the sunniest smile bursting onto his face as he took in the scene in front of him.

Amy, Chatlotte and Louis were in front of the television, dancing along to a computer game they were playing with Michael sitting next to the television looking like he was recording it on his phone.

Putting his finger to his lips, Harry grinned as Michael's eyes flickered to meet his, a sly grin creeping onto his features.

"Come on Lou!  Put a bit more ass into this" Michael exlaimed, biting his lower lip to hide his laugher, knowing what a good view Harry would be getting from his angle "The girls are putting you to shame!"

Harry tried so hard not to laugh as he wanted to, as Louis stuck his rear out, almost bent over double, as he and his two friends twerked along to the song.  

"Harry!"

Wendy's voice sounded out loudly over the soundtrack, as she turned around finally from where she'd been cooking in the kitchen area.

"How long have you been here?"

The effect was instant and most gratifying.  Stopping mid twerk and spinning around on the spot, eyes wide with excitment, Louis ran, flinging his arms around Harry's neck and jumping into his arms.

"What are you doing here?" He gasped before kissing his face madly "Thought you were coming tomorrow!"

"I live here" Harry reminded him, heaving him up in his arms and holding him impossibly close whilst kissing his temples "What are you doing here?" He added smirking.

 

"We are having a little party for Lou" Amy told him, bouncing up to the pair and giving Harry a kiss on the cheek, which earned the smallest of growls from the back of Louis' throat "Since someone is stealing him away on the one weekend we could throw a party for him on"

Harry shook his head, at least the party was going to be a huge surprise, especially the guest list.

"I couldn't wait until tomorrow" he confessed to Louis who was happily clinging to him like a koala.

"Well you are just in time for food" Wendy piped up, ushering them mummy style over to the settee (that had recently arrived) and handing them forks and plates "Don't worry" she assured him with a wink "I plan on leaving you all the washing up as a welcome home gift!"

The six friends tucked into Wendy's amazing cooking with gusto, laughing, chatting and telling stories.  For something unplanned and not particularly special, it was probably more fun and special than the party Harry had arranged for Louis himself.  No drama, no upsets, everyone getting along and being happy together.  It was the last thought on Harry's mind as he tucked down next to Louis that night after saying goodbye to Louis' best friends.

I hope that tomorrow goes as well as tonight did.  After all, it wasn't just Louis who was worried that all this would be a big mistake.

 

 


	26. Chapter 26

It had been one of the best days of Louis' life so far.  Harry had driven them up to London first thing in the morning, holding Louis' hand over the gear stick as always, singing along to the radio and talking about all the things they were going to do.  Harry was most definitely just as excited as Louis was.

Louis had expected that they were going to be staying at Harry's London home (which he'd really been looking forward to), so he couldn't even begin to hide his surprise when Harry pulled up in front of the biggest, most extravagant looking hotel he had ever laid eyes upon.

"St Pancras Renaissance" he read with wide eyes as his door was smartly opened for him by a very official looking valet "What are we doing here?" he asked Harry, who had, as always come to help him out of the car.  Louis had protested many times that he could get down himself, which Harry could not deny, but it was kinda their little thing now.  Harry just liked to show Louis that he cared.  

"Got to give you the full experience" Harry grinned at him, laughing as Louis' face looked a little worried as he watched his bag be whisked out of the boot with Harry's by a man in a top hat and tails and stow it on a large trolley to carry inside "Wanted to stay somewhere really special" 

Harry looked so comfortable and at home in this environment which was just alien and nerve wracking to Louis.  He was suddenly very aware of his attire, wishing he was able to wear perfectly put together outfits just like Harry did, who managed to look effortlessly stylish and handsome, even though Louis knew from first hand experience that he had pretty much just rolled out of bed this morning! 

The suite Harry had chosen was one of his personal favourites.  It was called the Chambers Staircase Suite, and was situated around a sprawling grand staircase that slightly spiralled, the bed cosily underneigh them.  He loved how Louis seemed to be in awe of the whole place, holding onto Harry's hand tightly as he was shown the upstairs bathroom and living room, before taking him downstairs to their secluded bedroom.

"This is amazing!" Louis stated, the childish side of him showing as he took a running leap off the last few steps and threw himself on the perfectly made king size bed "Wow!" He rolled over onto his back, positioning himself like a star fish "We need a bed like this at home!  Well...at my home..." He amended thinking of how big and comfortable Harry's bed was.

"When did you last sleep in your own bed again?" Harry teased, knowing very well that Louis had taken to sleeping at his house at night "I thought you had moved in with me"

"Just house sitting" Louis replied looking a little sheepish "Got to make sure your investments being taken care of"

"Maybe you should just properly move in" Harry suggested nonchalantly as he busied himself taking his camera out of his bag and slinging it around his neck "I mean, you have a key, you sleep there...could make it official"

Almost too giddy to speak, Louis just grabbed Harty and pulled him into a rib bruising embrace.  This was the best day ever!

The first stop on Harry's itinary was very close to the hotel at Kings Cross station - Platform 9 3/4.  Being a huge fan of the Harry Potter books, Louis and Harry both lined up to have their photo taken running through the platform wall (which also turned into a queue of fans wanting a picture with Harry - which Louis was more than happy to play photographer).

Out of nowhere appeared Zayn, his celebratity status and handsome looks attracting more fans - but still managed to greet Louis with a hug like they were already life long friends and hussle him into the gift shop where he brought Louis Dumbledore's wand, a ticket to Hogwarts and a Time Turner as his birthday present, having a little chat before flitting off, saying he was really looking forward to dinner with them that night.

Harry had been convinced that Louis would be shy meeting Zayn for the first time, but either he had gained a little more confidence since they had first met, or Louis was just in such a happy place today that he didn't even bat an eyelid - even if he did look totally shocked when Zayn brought him his presents.

Taking the subway, Harry navigated them next to the London Eye, met by Niall, who joined them on the flight in their own private capsule and then joined them for London Dungeon and the Aquarium - chatting a mile a minute and giving Harry plenty of oportunity to take hundreds of candid shots of Louis on his trip and their surroundings.  One of the highlights had to be of the picture they had taken at the enterence of the London Dungeon where Louis pretending to look like a mad man about to chop off Harry's head as he stood locked in the stocks, with Niall imitating the famous picture of "The Scream".  

Before Niall left them, he shoved an envelope at Harry, gave Louis a cheeky wink and told him that he was "allowed to open it when it was the right time".  Louis of course questioned it, but all he got was a knowing look and a promise of "later".

Later turned out to be on the third floor of Forbidden Planet - or rather - the most amazing shop Louis had ever been in!  Boggled eyed at the expanse of World of Warcraft merchandise, and wondering how much money he had in his account, Harry handed over the envelope from Niall which contained a gift card for a very substantial amount of money and a note saying "Go crazy!"

Harry stood back and watched with amusement as Louis gleefully darted all over the shop floor examining everything before carefully selecting his choices and piling them up at the till point. Checking his watch, Harry worked out that they needed to be heading to their next location within the next half an hour to make sure they stayed on schedule.

"So?" Harry took hold of half of Louis' bags in one hand, taking Louis' hand in the other "Fancy checking out Radio One?"

 

The Radio One studios was a place that Louis had always wanted to visit, but never imagined he ever would.  As much as he knew about all the things Harry got up to when he was at a loose end in London, it wasn't something he thought he would end up doing - hanging around the studios and mixing with the people he listened to on the radio every day.

Taking a traditional black cab to the station, Harry held his hand tightly as they walked past the small group of paparazzi photographers - Harry wrapping his arm around a shy Louis and smiling professionally at the cameras, flashing his pass to the security at the front enterence.

"That's the first time we've ever been photographed together" Louis pointed out as soon as they got into the enterence hall.  He frowned "Does my hair look ok?"

Harry rolled his eyes and pulled him into his chest whilst they waited for the lift and pressed a kiss to his forehead "You look perfect babe" he insisted "So gorgeous" he then whispered huskily in his ear before the lift doors opened...he looked around at the transparent walls "If only we weren't in a glass lift!"

"Lift kink?" Smirked Louis, stepping out into a large office space and waiting for Harry to direct him somewhere.

"Shhh" Harry grinned at him in a low voice "Journalists afoot!"

Holding hands Harry led his baby through the desks, waving hello to familiar people and trying to find the person they were there to see in the first place.

"Nick!" He finally drawled with an easy smile, setting eyes on one of his best friends "Alright mate?"

"Harry!" exclaimed Nick Grimshaw, looking up from where he'd been slouched against a wall looking at his phone and sounding most flamboyant.  His eyes crinkled as he laid them upon Louis, who was watching him hesitantly - he'd never mentioned it aloud to Harry because of his friendship with the radio presenter, but he wasn't that big a fan of Grinmy's.  He was still missing Chris Moyles, Dave, Aled and Dom from the old breakfast show...on a daily basis...as soon as he heard Grimmy's voice talking from his clock radio...

Nick bounded towards them, giving Harry the one armed hug, that holding hands with Louis would allow before turning to Louid with a toothy grin.

"Ed!" He exclaimed, automatically thinking that the boy next to him was William, who had stopped by together plenty of times over the years "Haven't seen..."

Harry was positive that his heart had just stopped 

"Nick this is my boyfriend Louis!" Harry hastily interrupted giving Nick a murderous look over the top of Louis' head for being so blatantly stupid.  How could Nick possibly mix the two of them up?  Harry had never held William's hand!

"Ed?" 

Louis looked between Harry and Nick, his little nose screwed up in confusion.

"Just my little joke" Nick chuckled uncomfortably "You look just like one of Harry's mates..." He trailed off, realising Harry's glare getting harder, boring into his face "It's fantastic to meet you Louis!  Harry has told me so much about you"

Louis, thankfully was looking at Nick as though he was slightly crazy, which Harry preferred compared to how he could have been looking at him if he hadn't shut Grimmy up as quickly as he did!

Awkward introductions aside, Louis really enjoyed the personal tour Nick gave them, Harry once again using his camera to its full poetential and making more memories for Louis as he posed for pictures with Zayn Lowe, Annie Mac, Danny Howard and even Dev who were all working around the building.  It was so difficult, trying to keep it a secret of how worried he was.  All it would take was one little slip up and everything was going to hit the fan.  

As much as he was looking forward to tonight, Harry was looking forward more to waking up in that confortable, luxurious hotel bed, with his baby in his arms, knowing that it was all over!

 

"Hazza?  What should I wear tonight?" Louis asked looking through his clothing options and then eyeing what Harry had got out of his luggage to wear - sleek, stylish and mouthwateringly tight! 

A fluffy towel tucked around his slender hips, Harry sauntered down the stairs from where he'd finished showering, draping his toned tattooed arm around Louis' shoulders.

"Is this all you've got?" He asked crinkling his nose at the selection of outfits Louis had spread out over the bed "Really?"

For the first time Louis felt wounded by Harry's seemingly scathing words.  Ok, so he wasn't rich and didn't have loads of designer clothes or...style...but his clothes looked good on him...didn't they?  Were they not good enough for the place Harry was taking him to? And if his clothes weren't good enough, did that mean he wasn't either?

Embarrased, he shrugged out of Harry's embrace - no matter how much he was enjoying how good the touch of Harry running his finger tips up and down his bare spine.  

Harry saw the sad little pout appear on his boys face and couldn't kiss those lips fast enough to say sorry for sounding like such a twat.

"I got you this babe" he told him, hurriedly producing a bag from where he had hidden it, around the side of the bed "You know I love your clothes, just wanted to get you something new"

"You got me an outfit?" Louis peeked into the bag and nodded approvingly "You really are the whole package aren't you?" He stated in disbelief, pressing his palms to Harry's cheeks and standing on tip toes to give him the long, sensuous kiss he deserved.

"Was only part of one until I met you" Harry breathed between kisses, soothing his fingers through Louis' hair "But back to your clothes, I want you to feel amazing tonight baby.  This is your night"

 

Louis rested his head on Harry's chest.  It was one of his favourite parts of his boyfriends body and he loved it.  It was a place of comfort - where he rested his head to go to sleep, where he pressed his face when they cuddled.  It was smooth, always cleanly shaven and so well defined and muscular, and the tattoos on it just made it look so good, and of course, underneath all the ink, smooth skin and lean muscle, was Harry's huge, beautiful heart - the main reason that Louis loved resting his cheek against it - to feel the soothing, steady 'thump' 'thump' of his heart.  Strong, steady, consistant.  Just like Harry's love for him.

Right now, Louis needed to feel that strong heartbeat, wishing he could borrow just a fraction of it's strength just to get him through the next few hours.

As much as he had loved the day he'd just had, and spent a great deal of it completely overwhelmed by meeting Harry's closest friends and their generosity towards him, there was always that little cloud hovering over him, at the back of his thoughts, in his eyeline...tonight was the night.

"Get dressed then" Harry promoted him, patting him gently on his bottom and kissing his forehead "Let's see how devastatingly handsome you are!"

Louis rolled his eyes as Harry sat back on the bed, watching him expectantly.

"Fuck these are tight!" Louis exclaimed as he tried to pull up the pair of black jeans Harry had picked out "I can't get them over my boxers!  I'm not that skinny!"

"Oh, wear this underneigh" Harry suggested chucking him a piece of fabric "Instead of your boxers"

Louis eyed the material with disdain "You have got to be kidding me!" 

"Trust me on this" Harry smiled gently, watching his scowling boyfriend "Now get dressed babe, car's going to be here in under an hour"

 

"How are you feeling baby?" Harry asked in his most soothing, huskiest voice, barely letting his lips leave the silky softness that was Louis' face, as he alternated slow languid kisses on his lips, with feather light, almost open mouth touches, exploring the expanse of his cheeks and temples, making sure he covered all of Louis' weak spots.  Grazing the back of his neck with his finger tips, knowing how it sent his baby so pliant in his arms.  

Peeping through the smallest of slits between his eyelashes, Harry was beyond satisfied.  Louis' head was tilted back against the back of the chair they were cuddled on, eyes closed, his pretty pink lips, pinker and plumper due to the attention Harry had been lavishing on them.

"Fine" Louis breathed, raising his hand, eyes still closed, tangling his fingers in the back of Harry's curls "Don't stop" he insisted, making Harry smirk with triumph, slowly inclining his head, and using the tip of his tongue to trace the shell of his small delicate ear, nibbling the lone until he heard Louis sigh contentedly, fully relaxing in his embrace.

 

Just like his habit of helping Louis in and out of his car, kissing to relieve stress had become another one of their things.  Always snuggled together in a knot, always slow and passionate, it was the best way to make Louis stop thinking about what was bothering him and really let Harry take care of him, making him float off to somewhere else entirely, to a world full of cushiony lips, sweet warm breath, slow speech and that little extra something that was just Harry which Louis just couldn't put his finger on.

 

Harry's phone vibrated in his pocket, signalling that the boys were out front ready to pick him and Louis up.

"Come on birthday boy" he whispered in his lovers ear "Time for dinner"

In an instant all the good Harry had managed to do in the last few minutes they had to spare had gone to waste.  The blissful calm look of blue skies, vanished from his eyes as stormy clouds rolled in, jaw clenching, shoulders hunching.

Leading him to the full length mirror, Harry straightened his new black and white pinstripe shirt and fixed his hair, where he'd inadvertently flattened it.

"It will be over before you know it" Harry reassured him "Besides, it's not just going to be the four of us.  The boys will be there, my mum and sister will be there.  William will just be one more person"

Louis looked at him skeptically in the mirror.  His stomach was churning, and he was wondering how on earth he was going to get through dinner without obviously not eating anything.  It was always the way, whenever Louis got nervous, it always went straight to his stomach.

 

To keep up the pretence of their evening plans, Liam had arranged for Louis' friends to go straight to the venue on their own, leaving the boys and Jay to collect Harry and Louis in one of the record companies private people carriers.  

It was easy to tell that Louis was nervous.  He wasn't as chatty as he had been towards the boys during the day, Harry keeping his hand firmly on his knee - just to subtly remind his baby that he was there.

He couldn't help but wonder how William was getting on.  Was he regretting making up the charade that was royally kicking his arse?  It must be awkward being around your friends, but preventing yourself from talking to them or even acknowledging their existstance.  

 

"Oh shit!" Niall suddenly exclaimed looking at his phone "I might have got the timings of the reservations wrong...by like two hours"

He looked around at everyone guiltily, and Harry had to give him props for his suprisingly convincing acting abilities.  Even the other boys who pretended to be irritated.  Jay and Louis just stayed quiet.

"Erm...." Liam was pretending to think of something "Well why don't we go for a drink first?  Could stop by Funky Buddah, we're almost there as it is"

Everyone readily agreed, Louis more so, needing at least three alcoholic beverages to steady himself.

Pulling up in front of the prestigous club, Harry held Louis protectively as they passed the bank of photographers, trying to shield him from the blinding flashes of their cameras.

Louis was quite surprised at the lack of people waiting outside to get in, but it was only a fleeting thought as they all walked straight past the doormen (who obviously recognised four of them).  

"It's very quiet here" he commented to Harry who just grinned at him and ushered him to the main door where Niall stood waiting, grinning manically at him before throwing open it open.

 

The sound of cheers and shouts of "Suprise!!!!" Echoed in Louis' ears as He found himself thrust into a huge room full of people crowded around the door, feeling completely disoriented and confused, flashes going off in all directions, wondering which of the boys this was all for - until he was almost bowled over by an excited Amy, followed closely by Charlotte, and then hugged by Michael - and then he got it!

"You are such a shit!" he playfully told Harry punching him lightly on the arm and looking amazed  "I can't believe you did this for me!"

"It was a group effort" Harry shrugged modestly "All the boys helped" he paused, allowing Louis to kiss him "We're going to do a set for you later"

If Amy hadn't appeared at his side with a freshly made Mojito, Harry was sure that Louis' hug would have broken a couple of his ribs it was so tight!

"Is...erm...he still..." Louis crained his neck over the crowds of people who he mostly recognised, but didn't know.

"He's coming later" Harry told him "Your mum didn't want to overwhelm you too early"

Louis nodded vaguely, it just seemed too much to take in.

"Happy birthday Boo" his mum whispered proudly, finally getting to give her baby boy a hug before depositing him back to Harry who was just itching to show his boyfriend off to everyone.

"Come meet some people" Harry kissed his forehead, wrapped his arm around Louis' waist and walked him over to where a woman and a girl around his own age were watching the pair with interest.

"Louis" he introduced happily "This is my mum Anne and my sister Gemma"

 

The party was everything Harry hoped it would turn out to be.  For starters everyone loved Louis.  The boys already thought of him like another brother, his mum thought he was adorable, and even though his sister was well known for her protective streak, she had no problem with Louis at all, even going to the extent of flat out admitting her approval - which never happened!

Over the course of an hour, Harry and Louis made the rounds, introducing him to everyone - most of who Louis knew of already, but never expected to meet, even Scott Mills was DJ for the night! This threw Louis completely, Scott was by far his favourite, and this was huge!

All around him people were laughing, dancing, drinking, and Louis couldn't wait to join in.  

It was that exact moment that he felt it.  

He was standing in a circle of Harry, Jay, Charlotte and Michael when Charlotte suddenly looked really confused, staring open mouthed between the door and Louis.  

Harry's hand tightened in his, and his head swivelled in the direction they were all looking, each with the same shocked expression, at the carbon copy of himself that had walked hesitantly into the room, searching through the faces of all the people.  Their eyes locked, Louis felt his stomach drop, gulping hard as he kept his eyes on the lad approaching him, for the first time in years.  There was absolutely no turning back now....


	27. Chapter 27

William felt like he was on autopilot as he walked down the street to Funky Buddah, his feet doing what his brain just couldn't seem to fathom.  

All day he had been holed up in Zayn and Perrie's flat, trying out outfit after outfit, acting more frustrated with his clothing than Perrie was - who just looked into her wardrobe, pulled out a dress and put it on without any anxiety at all.  

Of course, what did she have to be worried about?  

Nothing.  

Unlike William, who didn't need to be told this was a make or break situation.  This could either be the beginning of something great, or it could be the final nail in his coffin.  Was it too much to ask for something great?

"Ok, duty calls" Zayn stated, wondering though to the guest room William had sent up camp in, followed by a couple of cats who liked to follow their dad around like he was some kind of superhero "You gonna be alright here mate?" He asked "I've gotta meet them at Kings Cross in half an hour"

"Kings Cross?" asked William frowning, but distracting him from obsessing over two almost identical white shirts "Why?"

"Part of the sightseeing tour" Zayn grinned "Apparently your bro's into Harry Potter...and it's my turn for the informal meeting"

William still looked non-plused.

"Harry thought Lou would be less overwhelmed if we met him gradually whilst doing things" Zayn explained as he shrugged on a fitted leather jacket "Is he really that timid?" He asked "Or is Harry just going a bit overboard with babying him?"

"I wouldn't know anymore" William reminded him sadly, realising how long it had been since he had experienced first hand information and knowledge of his twins personality traits.

He sat down on the edge of the bed, staring at the floor.  Why was he even here?  Louis didn't really want him to come, even if he had been trying to fool himself into thinking otherwise.  

The bed dipped beside him as Zayn sat close and put his arm around his shoulders, patting one of them.

"Stop stressing mate" he said calmly in his ear "Just take everything as it comes. It will be fine"

 

William couldn't pinpoint the moment that he and Zayn had become such good friends.  

It was only recently, when he had realised that he might be loosing Harry to his brother that he'd reached out to the cool, calm and collected Bradford boy - one of the few people who knew exactly who he was, and didn't judge him for the secrets he chose to keep - although now they. He didnt see the point in starting them.  They hadn't preventing anything, which he had discovered long ago.  They just made everything more complicated.

"So you wouldn't know what I should get him as a birthday present then?" Zayn asked, trying to lighten the mood "I was going to get him something from the gift shop...but I don't know the guy"

"Dumbledore's wand" William replied automatically and toneleasly "Dumbledore was his favourite character"

William's mouth cracked into a rare smile as he remembered how Louis had spent hours queuing up for the sixth Harry Potter book at midnight and then tucked up in bed to read it with a thermos of tea, three bags of freshly made supermarket cookies and stating that he wasn't going to sleep until he had read it cover to cover.  

William - who didn't share the same love for the books and had gone straight to sleep, had awoken hours later to soft sniffles and a very emotional, sleep deprived twin, who he had to physically prise his fingers off the book covers and persuade him to finish it in the morning.  Louis, of course, refused to stop reading the damn thing, because he was so close to the end...but could William stay with him for moral support?

William had rolled his eyes at that. It was just a stupid fiction book.  Nothing made up deserved this type of emotional reaction, but being the twin brother that he was, he slipped into the bed next to him, watching with an equal measure of fondness and ridicule as Louis read, his tired, dry and achey eyes darting back and forth the pages, mouth slightly open, knuckles turning white as the story reached its climax...then Dumbledore died and the tears freely flowed.  

Under normal circumstances there was nothing more William hated than seeing his Louis cry, but over a book?  That was just comical!  The way his twin had to keep blinking rapidly because his eyes were too clouded over with tears and sleep to read the upcoming sentences...how his hands were slightly shaking.  Louis wasn't even in his bed really, he was there at Hogwarts, standing on top of that tower along side Dumbledore, Harry, Malfoy and Snape praying that there had been some kind of air mattress on the other side of that wall to catch the magnificent wizard.

"Well that was depressing" he'd muttered finally closing the book after the last page and putting it on his bedside table "I knew it was going too well...they lulled me into a false sense of security!"

William rolled his eyes and cuddled into Louis' pillow.  He was not going back to his own bed when he'd just got comfortable.

"Are you going to be moaning about this until the next book comes out?" He asked, remembering how much Louis had moaned about JK Rowling killing off Sirius between books five and six.

"Yup" Louis responded sleepily "More than last time" he added as though reading Williams's thoughts "Dumbledore was my favourite"

"I thought Harry was your favourite"

"Nah..." Louis yawned "If I could be any of them, I would be Dumbledore...he knows all the magics...me and my huge mighty wand"

Louis trailed off as he drifted off to sleep.  And although it was a stupid conversation, it was the stupid ones that William had always committed to memory.  They were the conversations he wished he had a Time Turner to go back and revisit over and over again.

 

"Get him a Time Turner" William suddenly told Zayn, snapping his head up and reaching from his wallet "I really want him to have one...just say it's from you obviously"

"Why don't you get him one?" asked Zayn casually "You could go back with him tomorrow and give it to him yourself"

William barked out a sarcastic splutter of laughter.

"Lets not pretend that Louis and I are going to be best buddies tomorrow shall we?" he smirked "Nothing is going to change"

"Then why are you here?" Zayn asked, checking his watch and then looking back at William "If you aren't going to try and make things different then what is the point in this?"

William pulled out some notes and stuffed them into Zayn's hand.

"Of course I'm going to try" he said exasperated "I just don't think it's going to do any good"

"Then why..."

"I just want to see him" William said quietly moving his attention to his choice of footwear "He's my brother and I love him, and I will never turn down a opportunity to see him...it could be my last..."

"I have to go" Zayn told him regretfully "Stop messing about with the clothes, I'll dress you later...when we will pick up this talk again" he promised "Now be a good boy and go keep my girl company"

 

William spent the rest of the day hanging out with Perrie.  She was one of the nicest girls William had ever met.  She was funny, warm, gentle and elegant - he could see exactly why Zayn had decided he wanted to spend the rest of his life with her.

"When are you going to get a girlfriend?" Perrie asked, watching as William let her cat snuggle into his lap, rubbing his head into his hands as he stroked it "You look like you could use a little affection in your life"

William smiled softly, eyes not leaving the purring cat "What can I say, I'm a very choosy guy...and I haven't been looking"

"Why not?  Wouldn't you like to have someone special?"

"I just don't meet special people" 

"You won't if you make it a point not to look"

 

Zayn wasn't out for a very long.  He came straight to join them, leaning over to give his fiancé a soft kiss.

"How was he?" asked William immediately, Louis being the first thing on his mind as always.

"He's good" nodded Zayn approvingly "Harry has most definitely found himself a keeper there.  Louis' a really great lad"

William smiled proudly.  He loved it when people thought highly of his brother, and he knew how protective Zayn was of his band mates.  That was a very high end compliment coming from him.

"He's having fun then?"

"Yep, Harry's really gone all out for this trip" Zayn laughed "I thought the party was enough, but he's booked them a room at the Renaissance to stay..."

"Lush hotel" Perrie interrupted

"And now he's on his way to meet Niall.  They're going to...." He frowned, trying to remember "The eye and the dungeon.  Louis' apparently in his element"

"Did you get..."

"The Time Turner and the Dumbledore wand?  Yes I did and he loved them" Zayn confirmed.  He fiddled with his phone and passed it over to William, showing Louis holding up the hourglass necklace into the air with a delighted look on his face.  William smiled wistfully.  He knew Louis wouldn't look so happy if he knew he was the one behind the gift.

 

"So, you need to be there at eight" Zayn reminded William a couple of hours later.  Perrie had just been picked up by Sophia, and the rest of the boys were due to arrive any minute to collect him with the twins mum.  

Obviously, Jay could not know that this was where William was staying -  William was still unaware that Jay knew of his and Harry's friendship.

"I'll be there" William nodded seriously "Make sure he has a good night yeah"

"I'm looking forward to meeting you later" Zayn joked, wishing he could wipe the expression of a man about to walk down death row off his friends face "I'm sure we will be really good friends!"

William smiled weakly.  He hoped that time would go quickly,he didn't want to be stuck with his own thoughts for too long.

"And do not change your outfit or mess up your hair!" Zayn said finally as he walked out the door "I will not be happy!"

 

Bang on time, William approached the doors of the club.  So nervous and drenched in his own apprehension he barely even saw the photographers milling around outside the main doors as he showed his pass to the doorman and slipped inside.

For a couple of minutes he stood alone in the entrance, bouncing on his heels, feeling as though he was sweating buckets out of nerves and yet so excited about seeing Louis again he felt like he was going to burst like an overfilled helium balloon.

Louis was actually in that room, just past those two doors.  He was actually here!

He couldn't wait any longer.  The suspense was killing him. Taking a deep breath, William shook his head twice to clear it and boldly pushed open the doors, striding inside them, looking as confident as he had ever been, putting on the act of his life!

As the doors swung closed behind him, William scanned around the room, even though he didn't need to.  The split second he had took even a glimpse, he had seen him.  Standing with his back towards him, in a little circle of people including his mum and Harry.

It was a random girl in the circle who had clocked him first.  He saw her eyes flicker past him, then zone back in on him as instantly as a sniper target, her mouth dropping open in astonishment as she looked at Louis standing in front of her and back at him.

So obviously Louis hadn't mentioned him to her.  Had he told anyone that he had a twin?

He watched as Louis spun around, his brain taking it all in as though he was watching it happen in slow motion.

As he walked towards his twin, feeling like his heart was going to burst out of his chest.  He couldn't have explained now happy he was to see his twin looking so healthy, so well looked after, so much like him!  Even their outfits were similar, black trousers, black shirt (although William's was plain and Louis' was pinstriped), even their hair, he noted was in a similar style quiff - and even though it was unintentional, William couldn't help but feel slightly chuffed, as though a little piece of him still remained in Louis' heart, even if it was a bit so small that he barely noticed it, even after all this time and all the distance, they were still a little bit identical on the inside.

 

William was stood right in front of his twin now.  An unreadable look graced Louis' eyes which were locked with William's from the moment he'd turned around.  He was gulping nervously and he clearly didn't want to be the first one to speak.

"Will!!" 

William couldn't help but smile happily as his mum threw her arms around him, giving him a big kiss on the cheek "Look at you!" She stated, pulling away and holding him at arms length before diving in for another hug "You look so well darling!"

William squeezed his mum tightly, realising how much he had missed the simple loving touch of his mum, the unconditional love she was filled with.  He hadn't realised how much he had missed her until right now - even with the daily phone calls...it wasn't the same.  Another downside of his problems with his twin.

Breaking away from his mum, he turned back to Louis.  Still looking at him blankly.

"Happy birthday bro" William greeted him cheerfully, dying to go in for a hug.  He knew he was smiling, he couldn't help it.  Here he was, standing in front of his brother, and he wasn't glaring at him, he wasn't telling him to get lost or sneering.  Fair enough he wasn't smiling either, but this was the most progress they had made yet.

"Thanks Will"

Louis gave the most subtle of smiles, his voice as clear and fresh as a babbling brook and just as welcoming as a drink of water on a hot day.

"I'm..." his tone faltered, looking and sounding unsure, Harry giving his hand a little squeeze "I'm glad you could make it"

William knew he was saying this to be polite.  

After all, his mum was there, Harry  was watching, and so were...who were these people anyway?  And why were they looking at him like he was a three headed dog?

"I wouldn't be anywhere else when it's your birthday" he told his brother honestly , itching to reach forward and hug him.  But all he got in reply was silence.

He wanted to seek reassurance from Harry, but he didn't dare look his direction too many times - it would be odd.  Thankfully his mum was on hand to make all the introductions to Louis friends and work colleagues Charlotte and Michael - it was nice to finally put faces to names after all his mum had told him about them, and amusingly he was introduced to Harry, who smiled politely and held his hand out to shake with a "pleased to meet you William"

It felt cold and odd and just plain wrong- William had never been in Harry's company this long and not had a hug from him.  Harry was actually playing his part well.  It really was just like they had just met and William was just a stranger.

"You look really well" William tried again, wishing that Louis would show some kind of emotion towards him.  This blank face was just freaking him out "I like your outfit" he tried to joke.

Louis bit his lip, hard, and his eyes flickered up to the ceiling.  His mum seeing the action quickly leapt in.

"Why don't you and I get a drink?" she suggested taking William's arm "And have a little catch up whilst Harry and Louis mingle.  I think some new people have arrived who he hasn't met yet"

So it wasn't just evident to William that this was awkward.  Reluctantly, he let his mum lead him away to the bar, but he didn't let his eyes leave Louis' face, only when it was obstructed by Michael's back, who had pounced on his twin the moment that William and his mum had walked away.

 

 

"Well done baby" Harry told Louis passionately as soon as Jay and William were out of earshot "I am so proud of you!"

Without waiting for Louis to respond, he pulled him into a tight embrace, feeling his boyfriend tremor slightly in his arms, looking utterly exhausted, as though the last few minutes had drained him of what little energy he'd had inside him.  For a first meeting, he had done so well, and Harry hadn't been lying when he said he'd been proud.  He knew exactly how big a step that was for Louis to take.

"Since when do you have a brother?" demanded Michael, looking so shocked and surprised "Let alone an identical twin!"

"Since I was born" Louis offered, only half aware of what he was saying 

"Why didn't you tell us?" Charlotte joined in "How many more of you are there?"

"Just us two"  Louis said hurriedly "Haz, can we get another drink?" he drained the glass he was still holding in his hand and turned to walk away from his friends, who for the first time, he didn't want to be around.  The thought of endless questions were being to make him feel sick, and it was all he could have done to not be sick all over William as soon as he'd said Happy Birthday.

"Lou, you can't just have your identical twin turn up and then walk away" Michael laughed in disbelief "Did you know about this Harry?"

Harry nodded slowly "Why don't we just give Lou a little breathing space?" he asked them both, keeping one arm around Louis and holding the other one initiating someone stopping traffic "He hasn't seen William in a while, and he's a little nervous about it.  Let's just save all the questions until after the party"

Louis sagged slightly in his arms.  He could barely hear the loud music in the room anymore, due to the blood rushing and heart pumping in his ears.  He had done it,  he had spoken to William, he was still in the same room as William, and it was fine.  He had Harry by his side.  He was in Harry's arms.  He was fine.

Only he wasn't fine.

Harry pulled him away to the bar.  He was talking in his ear, but Louis wasn't concentrating on his words.  He was remembering and picturing the look William had given Harry when they had been introduced, and he couldn't put his finger on why, but it niggled at him.  He felt like he should be bothered about it, but he didn't understand what that look had been, for it was so brief.  One second it was there, the next it was gone.  What was that expression on William's face?  And why had he been using it to look at his Harry?

Sitting down on a chair, Louis looked around him, searching for his twin.  He was standing at the other end of the bar with their mum, watching him with a thoughtful expression, for the first time, he tried to meet his eyes.  But William wasn't looking at him...he was looking at Harry.  Louis glanced up at Harry, who was standing next to him...looking at William.

"Hey!" Louis exclaimed, hitting his boyfriend on the arm and glaring up at him.  He didn't want Harry to be looking at his brother.  Especially not right in front of him.

Harry instantly looked away "I'm sorry baby, what were you saying?" he asked sitting down next to him, his beautiful green eyes looking intently into Louis' telling him that whatever he asked of him, Harry would do.

"Nothing" muttered Louis "I didn't say anything...not that you would have noticed..."

"What do you mean Lou?" asked Harry sounding worried "Are you feeling ok?  Shit!" he rubbed his face with his hands "This was too much for you wasn't it?  I'm so sorry baby"

Louis gulped down the drink that the bartender had just served him and was in the process of ordering another one when Niall came bounding over to him.

"Ready to get organised?" he asked Harry cheerfully, and gave Louis a one armed hug "Mind if we steal your boy for a bit?  We're on stage in a bit!"

Louis pushed all his angst to the side and grinned.  It wasn't fair of him to be upset and tragic after Harry had gone to all this effort for him to have a good day, and throw him such an amazing party.  Harry was right, it was only going to be for a few hours, and he shouldn't be so selfish and ruin everyone else's enjoyment.

"Can't wait!" he stated, laughing at the surprise on Harry's face - well his emotions had just done a one hundred and eighty degree turn - and pulled him towards him for a long kiss "I'll be fine"

"Good lad!"  Niall clapped him on the back and strode off into the crowd.

Harry hung back, cupping Louis' cheek with his hand "Are you sure?  I can stay if you like?"

"What and miss my private and exclusive One Direction set?" Louis sounded outraged as he grinned "I think not mister!  Get to it!  I want to be impressed,  I want your best performance please, no slacking!"

Harry shook his head "Remember when you used to be in awe of me?" he asked playfully, the corner of his mouth quirking into a half smile.

"I still am love!" Louis insisted, pressing Harry's hand to his chest giggling "See how my heart is fluttering at your meer presence!"

Harry tapped his chin in mock concentration "Remind me of what you called me last week?" he mused "What was it you shouted at me over Skype when we were in that dungeon on Warcraft?"

"Erm..." the tips of Louis' ears went pink - he shouted a lot when they were playing World of Warcraft together....but Harry was adorably rubbish... "Which dungeon?"

"The last one you dragged me to and then yelled at me because I needed on those trousers..." Harry looked at him accusingly "And you called me a....."

"Curly haired ninja fucker?" mumbled Louis...the image of a cheeky little school boy "But I said it out of love!" he finished with a cackle "And you love me anyway!"

"I don't know why I play with you sometimes"  Harry pouted "And now I have to perform for you like a little circus monkey?"

Louis kissed his pout "I can reward my huge massive monkey with bananas" he teased "Now get up there!  It's my birthday!"

Harry returned the kiss, not caring how many people were watching - he was certain he heard Zayn catcall!

"I love you so much Louis Tomlinson" he breathed, half dazing himself with his deep and passionate he'd made their kiss "You really are my everything...and I really am proud of you"

Louis felt his heart quicken as Harry pressed his lips once more to his, then pulled away, humming happily and casually strode off in search of Niall.

 

Sliding off his stool, Louis looked around at the strange selection of people milling around, dancing, singing and generally having a good time - at his birthday party.  This was just weird...was that actually Olly Murs talking to Liam at the side of the stage?  He spotted Charlotte and Michael, wanting to approach him, smiling apologetically, he walked over to them, slinging his arm around Charlotte, wondering where Amy was.

"Sorry about that" he said "I promise, I'll explain everything...just not tonight?"

"Don't say sorry Lou" Michael said quickly "We were just really shocked.  It was the last thing any of us expected.  Sorry if we upset you"

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you" Louis apologised uncomfortably "I didn't know this was happening...and there's a lot of history....and...well..."

"Another time" Michael said, squeezing his shoulder "Can you believe this?" he asked, changing the subject and indicating to everything around him "This is amazing!"

"Harry is an amazing boyfriend" Louis said simply, smiling fondly "Did I tell you that I'm moving in with him...officially?"

Charlotte squealed with excitement, Michael clapped him on the back, and Wendy - who had just returned with another round of drinks, demanded why as his mother, she was the last to know!

Taking seats along the side of the room, Louis blushed, grinning madly, and started to tell his best friends - minus Amy - all about it.

 

 

**Zayn:  How's it going?**

William thanked the stars above that mobile phones were in existence and he could still talk to his friends without looking like he was doing so.

**William:  I'm still here**

**Zayn:  How's Louis been with you?**

**William:  Fine.  I guess.  He didn't tell me to fuck off.  Taking that as a good sign!**

**Zayn:  You gonna try talking to him again?**

 

**Harry:  You ok?**

**William:  Is Louis ok?**

**Harry:  Lou's fine.  How are you?**

**William:  I want to go talk to him....**

**Harry:  Not gonna do much hanging out on your own are you?  #Loner**

**William:  Really Harry?  #FuckYou**

**Harry:  Love ya! #Bestie**

**Harry:  Seriously?  Are you ok?  (#proud)**

 

"Hey" William edged up to where Louis was sitting with his friends.  And there was the three headed dog look again.  Ok.  So they didn't know he existed, did they have to keep staring at him like that?  

Louis looked up cautiously "Hey" he muttered, looking so uncomfortable "You...ok?"

And now William was uncomfortable "Would you like another drink?" he asked, indicating to his brother's almost empty glass.

"I'm...No" it sounded like Louis was fed up of pretending to be polite and the people around him were refusing to meet his eyes.

"I'll...ok Lou..." William could not hide the disappointment any longer, and head drooping with embarrassment...he sidled off.  

He could see his mum across the room talking to Harry's mum and sister.  He had no idea where the boys were....not that he would be allowed to talk to them anyway, and he didn't know anyone else here...except Nick Grimshaw...but he wasn't supposed to know him either!  What had he done?  Why had he made up all this shit in the first place...well...he knew why...but what good was that now?

He ordered two drinks and started what would be a long night, probably propping up the bar.  Maybe he should just leave.  It wasn't like anyone was going to miss him.  Louis would be happy he'd gone...he didn't get it...if he didn't want to talk to him...why had he invited him?

"Loueeh!!!!" 

William jumped as two arms wrapped themselves around him from behind, clinging tightly to his chest, and getting a mouthful of long hair along with a sloppy kiss on the cheek.

"I have been looking for you everywhere!" the girl squealed, clambering onto his lap "I made friends with Perrie from Little Mix!  We're gonna go shopping together!"

William couldn't quite work out if she was drunk or just odd.  Regardless.  She had the wrong twin whoever she was.

Seeing that she was opening her mouth to speak again, William quickly clapped a hand over it.

"Wrong twin babe" he said meaningfully and still keeping one hand pressed over her lips, turned her face with the other and nodded to where Louis was sitting with his other friends.

The girls eyes boggled.  He felt her mouth drop open under his palm.

"Let me guess, you never heard a word about me?" he said dryly and miserably, removing his hand and letting the girl slip off his lap slowly, looking at him like he was some kind of monster, before bursting into giggles.

"Oh my god!  How many have I had!" she asked her eyes glinting with mischief "Who are you?  You look so much like Louis!"

Wow.  This girl was funny!  Not....

"William...Louis' identical twin brother" he told her, pulling an exasperated face "Who are you?"

"Amy!"

"Well Amy, it's nice to meet you...but Louis is over there" he turned back to his drink.  Amy didn't move from his side.  Just sat there staring at him.

"Are you actually real?" she asked finally, visually looking as though she was trying to solve a very hard maths equation, she prodded his cheek with her finger "Louis actually has a twin?  Why didn't he tell us?"

"Good question babe" the alcohol stung the back of his throat as he knocked it back.  He expected Amy to go running off to Louis - instead she sat down.

"I'm Louis' best friend" she told him cheerily, delicately holding her hand out "And don't worry...I'm lovely!  You'll love me!"

William nodded warily, wondering how long she was planning on sticking around for.

"This is really awkward" she said suddenly, amusing William at just how casually she took his drink out of his hand, had a sip and then replaced it between his fingers as though she hadn't touched it "It's your birthday and I didn't get you a present!"

"To be fair, you didn't know I existed until five minutes ago" William shrugged, thinking it was kind of sweet that she even thought about it "I'll live"

Amy looked thoughtful.  She was quite pretty when William thought about it.  Her smile was very infectious, he was smiling back at her, and he was quite frankly feeling miserable...this was one mystical lady.

"Got it" she announced, and shuffled her stool closer to his "Close your eyes" she demanded

"Really?" William deadpanned, tilting his head to the side and eyeing her skeptically "How cliche are you going to get?"

Amy rolled her eyes, leaned forward and smartly pressed a kiss to William's surprised mouth.

"Happy birthday William" she purred, suddenly all lips, teeth and smiles as she pulled back, winking at him and laughing "Don't miss me too much!"

 

William watched her leave, almost skipping across the room towards Louis' friends...his brother had vanished...falling onto a woman's lap and giving her a kiss on the cheek.  

That must have been the strangest girl he'd ever met.  

He could still feel her lips on his.

It meant nothing.

Shaking his head, he turned back to his drink, deciding if he should stick around or make his excuses and leave.  A sharp finger tapped against his shoulder.

"I'm not Louis" he said tiredly, not bothering to turn around.

"I know" Louis' actual voice snapped close to his ear "What are you playing at?"

William sucked in a small breath, and turned to see the very angry face of his twin - a face he'd sadly become quite accustomed to.

"What do you mean?" he asked nervously licking his lips

Louis looked so agitated and cross, head bobbing, a snarl twitching his top lip.

"We need to talk" he spat, grabbing William by the wrist, pulling him off his stool and marching off, dragging William along behind him and into a small private function room just off the bar.

"How dare you!" he hissed shutting the door tightly behind him, pulling himself to his full height, trying to intimidate his brother.

"What?" William asked desperately, completely clueless to why Louis was so angry with him "What did I do?"

"Stay away from my friends!" Louis growled "I fucking saw you!  Stay the fuck away from them!  They're mine!" he finished childishly stamping his foot "Find your own fucking friends!"

"What the hell?" William threw up his hands in frustration "I haven't been near your friends all night!" he suddenly clicked "Oh...do you mean Amy?"

"Oh!  Now you know what I'm fucking talking about do you?" Louis was so angry, his nostrils were flaring "Stay the fuck away from Amy!  She's my best friend!  I saw you with your fucking tongue down her throat!  Why can't you just let me have something!  Why do you have to take everybody away from me?"

William clawed his face "Louis, will you just calm down!  I have no interest in taking anyone away from you!  You know that!  Stop being such a..."

"Such a what?" challenged Louis, fully getting up in William's face "What am I?  Disgusting?  Sick?  Wrong?  A fucking dirty, twisted little freak?" spitting each word out, poisonous on his tongue, even more venomous as they reached William's ears.

"Lou" William pleaded, reaching out and trying to hug his brother "Those were never my words and you know that!"

"Do not touch me!" Louis snarled "I should have known you would do this - and don't think I didn't see you eyeing up Harry!  You can fucking stay away from him too!  Don't speak to him!  Don't go near him!  Don't even look to him!"

William bristled.  Louis noticed.

"Touched a nerve have I?" he taunted.  He was obviously feeling pretty brave "I know how your mind works Will.  Stay away from Harry!"

"Louis please!" William begged as Louis turned to exit the way he had come in "Please don't go, I miss you so much Lou, please can you just..."

"Forgive you?" offered Louis with a slightly manic chuckle "You're even more delusional than I thought!" and with one final sneer he stalked out of the room, leaving a very shaken William, devastated beyond belief, head in his hands.  He had hoped things would have been different.  He had hoped that Louis would have come around.  But if anything he was even more unreasonable and hateful than before.  It was time to face the facts - no matter how much he wanted it, or how much he had stated that it was impossible...he had only just realised his relationship with Louis was irreparable...and it broke William all over again.

 

"Hey?  What's happened?"

William heard the door to the room close, and a hand stroking his back gently.  Looking up through tear filled eyes, William shook his head sadly at Harry.

"I'm not Louis" he stated, just in case his best friend had been mistaken for some obscure reason, "You'd better go Haz"

But Harry shook his head, flat out refusing to leave him when he was so upset, and sat down besides him "Come here" he frantically urged, holding his arms open "What the hell happened with Louis?  Why are you so upset?"

"Same old crap" William told him, a fresh wave of tears spilling over his eyelids "Only, it was worse...he told me to stay away from you"

Harry looked shocked and dismayed "He actually said that to you?"

"Mine was the polite version"

"I'm so sorry" Harry obviously didn't know what to say, just hugged his friend tighter, stroking his hair, wishing he could do more to make him feel better "I don't know what to say, do you want me to talk to him?"

"Look" William eased out of Harry's embrace "I know what I have to do now"

"What?" Harry's face was morphing in and out of concern and anxiety "What do you have to do now?"

"I knew it would come one day" William was saying, bottom lip wobbling slightly, as he kept his eyes on Harry's "I love you so much Haz, you're the best friend I could ever have...but I've put you in the worst position ever and I know I've got to be the one to go"

"Go where?  Fuck's sake Will, talk in English!"

"I've got to do what Lou wants" William whispered, so defeated and tired...and so, so sad "I love my brother and he loves you so much...and I don't want to jeprodise that"

"You wouldn't be!"

"He saw me looking at you and he blew a gasket" William pointed out "I never want to see Louis looking like that again.  And if he found out the truth it would be so much worse!  It's going to be easier all around, if I just disappear, and you and Louis can be happy together...it's important to me that Louis' happy."

Harry didn't even dignify that statement with a response.  It was important to him that both Louis and William were happy.  This was more painful than he imagined it had been, and although he couldn't call William a liar, he couldn't imagine Louis saying such things.  But why would William lie to him?

"It's all my fault!" William's finger nails were digging painfully into Harry's shoulders "Everything is all my fault!"

"No it's not" Harry insisted, trying to sound more confident than he felt "I'm not going anywhere" he promised, and bundled his William up in his arms again, crooning into his ear as tears soaked through his shirt, so disapointed that it had turned out this way "We'll figure it out together"  

"Give it up Harry" William found himself whining as he pressed their foreheads together "It's over.  Just accept that this is never going to work out.  I've accepted it, now you have to!"

Poor, sweet, loving Harry brushed away William's hair and pulled him closer to him.  This was just so sad, and he had felt such high hopes after their first encounter than he had really believed the two boys had a shot.  After all, these were two of his most favourite people in the world.  All he wanted was them to be happy again - and William just could never be happy without Louis.

"I'll change his mind" he mumbled in his ear, stroking his back, letting him cry "Please don't give up on him Will, everything will be ok"

Harry and William were far too engrossed with what they were feeling, neither of them heard the door slide open, or the little patter of footsteps hesitantly enter the room.  They didn't hear the small, sharp intake of breath.  But they did hear what happened next.

"Harry?" a very small voice stuttered from the doorway "That's not me you're holding!"

 

 

 

 

 

 


	28. Chapter 28

"Harry?  That's not me you're holding"

Hearing Louis speak those words chilled Harry to the bone.  His brain freezing, limbs locking.  One moment William was in his arms, the next he was on the other side of the small room, cowering against the wall.

"It's not what it looks like Lou I promise!" Harry heard William pleading "I...shit...Lou...I..." He couldn't get the words out.

Trying not to squeeze his eyes shut, Harry turned to face Louis, dreading what he was going to see with every fibre in his body.  He expected to see sad, watery eyes, a trembling lip, anger, hate, disappointment, betrayal.

"Baby...I'm..." his voice was catching in his throat.

"The boys are looking for you" Louis told him casually, ignoring William in the corner and sliding onto Harry's lap and nuzzling his cheek with his nose "They're ready to go on"

Harry still felt frozen.  Louis was so calm, so eerily calm... which was just making all of this so much worse.  If he had been shouting at him, Harry would have known what to do.  If Louis had been crying, Harry would have known what to do.  But he wasn't doing either...he was kissing his jaw.  Harry had no idea what to do.

"Lou?"

"Yes Haz?" Louis was tangling his fingers in Harry's hair, shuffling his bottom around on Harry's lap, kissing his cheekbones tenderly.

"Are you ok?"

Harry glanced hurriedly at William over his shoulder, who was breathing heavily and looking completely and utterly confused as Harry felt.  His mouth didn't even conform when Louis took hold of his bottom lip between his teeth and seductively nibbled on it, sweetly pushing his tongue to slide around Harry's as he prolonged their kiss, humming with contentment.

It didn't take long for Harry to relent, kissing Louis was what he lived for, having his baby in his arms was what he lived for.  But after being caught holding his twin in his arms...this wasn't the type of treatment Harry was expecting.  What was it that Louis had warned William?  Stay away from Harry?  And here he was, just a short time later, crying into his shoulder...or from Louis' perspective, crying into a strangers shoulder.  Because they was what they were meant to be.  Strangers.

"Lou?" William creeped closer, close to collapsing on his knees next to his brother to plead his case.  But Louis didn't seem to realise William was still in the room.  All his attention was fixed solely on Harry.

"What's wrong Hazza?" Louis asked, looking worried drawing back slightly and tilting his head to the side "You seem so distracted?" He tapped his nose cutely "Come back to me"

"Baby...what you saw..."

"Oh!" Louis' eyes widened in horror and looked between his boyfriend and his twin "I'm so sorry, did I interrupt something?" 

Neither Harry or William said a word.  Was Louis doing this to punish them?  Because it was working.  Neither boy had ever felt so guilty...even though they hadn't actually done anything wrong.

"You'd better get going" Louis continued, inclining his face for another kiss "I'm so excited to hear you sing!"

"But..." Harry stuttered.  It was no use.  Louis climbed off his lap, ignoring William and choosing to take his boyfriends hand, gazing into his eyes and pulling him towards the door "Baby...?"

"I love you" 

Louis looked so sweet and adoring, smiling up at him as he uttered the three words that guarentred to make Harry so happy.

"I love you too baby" he insisted, entwining their hands, kissing his knuckles, not daring to look anywhere apart from his boyfriends face.  He wanted to see how William was, but that felt like he couldn't.  Why was Louis ignoring what he had seen?

As they were walking out of the door, Louis called back to where William was still standing.

"You coming Ed?"

Harry stopped in his tracks, making Louis walk into the back of him, squeezing the hand he held in his tighter out of pure shock.

"Everything ok?" Louis asked sweetly, looking up at Harry's pale face "I love you"

"I...I love you too baby" Harry stuttered feeling so lost and confused.  He dared to look back at William - wide eyed, stunned, all the colour drained from his skin and looking like he was going to faint.

"Louis?" William croaked out, reaching out a hand towards his brother "I can explain"

Louis' expression didn't change.  He just kept smiling adoringly up at Harry.

"Let's go Hazza" he beamed, urging him to keep walking "Can't keep everyone waiting!"

For the first time since he'd come into the room, Harry saw past his own panic and discomfort and looked at Louis - really looked at him.  Past the loving smile, the sweetness of his tone, the beautiful words flowing out of his mouth - past the stunning, positive mask that Louis had created and stuck on his face, realising how....removed from reality Louis seemed to be...dazed, confused...hurt, devastated....and it was himself and William who had caused it.

"Baby, will you do something for me?" he asked carefully, noting a slight twitch Louis seemed to have developed in his left eye.

Louis nodded slowly, his smile tight lipped.

"Stay here with Will for a sec ok.  I'm just gonna tell the boys I need some more time" Harry told his boyfriend whose face fell instantly "I'll be right back, ok?"

There was no response from Louis.  Just blank eyes that stared at him.  Harry pressed a brief kiss onto his forehead and rushed to get out of the door. The plastic, fake smile on his face was rather creepy.  How?  He wondered to himself fiercely.  How the hell had Louis found out!  And why now!

 

 

After his argument with William, Louis left the small function room feeling sick and dizzy.  This was horrible, absolutely horrible.  He could see it starting already and it was freaking him out - he hadn't been prepared to have such a strong internal reaction to seeing his brother.  It was so easy when he was just thinking about it, dreading it, worrying about it - that had been bad enough - but actually seeing him in the flesh, hearing his voice...How was he still standing?

Seeing him with Amy just made something inside his brain snap.  How dare William do this to him!  Maybe he was being a little overprotective, maybe he was being unreasonable, maybe he was just being a selfish brat.  But Louis could not allow William to worm himself back into his life by getting there through his friends!

The room felt like it was too small for him to breathe, walls closing in on him, the laughter sounding creepy and distorted to his sensitive ears.  He needed a smoke...now!

Sneaking out into the designated smoking area, Louis was pleased to find it completely silent and empty.  Silent and empty was good for him right now.  Would give his poor brain a chance to catch up and have uninterrupted space to rationalise all the niggling, nasty thoughts in his head.

His first thought though was to hide.  Harry hated Louis smoking more than anything - constantly trying to persuade his boyfriend to quit, terrified he was going to get ill and die from them.  Louis had been trying to cut down...ween himself off them...but on nights like tonight - Louis felt he got a free pass!  However, he didnt want Harry to catch him...

To the left of the door to the club there was a metal staircase that led from the Fire escape from the floor above.  That's where Louis went, right to the top, sitting down on the cold metal floor, back against the wall, pulling his legs up to his chest - both to keep warm, and to hide.

He was in the process of finding his lighter when he heard voices below him.  Taking a quick peep through the railings before shrinking back against the wall, he instantly recognised Zayn and Nick Grimshaw, doing exactly what he had gone outside to do.

"It's a really good night" Nick was saying "Harry always throws a good party"

"Yeah" Zayn said between huffing out smoke "I was a bit skeptical to be honest. Not knowing his boyfriend before today - seemed more like working than an actual party"

"Seems a good kid" Nick observed, no doubt he was talking about Louis "No surprise that Harry is completely infatuated with him.  I was not prepared for him looking so much like his brother though...I mean you hear about people being identical...but they really are the spitting image of each other!"

"I know right" Zayn replied "Harry was majorly freaking out about Ed being here tonight...I can understand why...but it's all such a fucking mess!  I can't keep it straight about what I do know and what I'm not meant to!" He chuckled quietly.

Louis frowned.  That was the second time today that this Ed guy had been mentioned.  Who was he?  If he was here, why hadn't Harry introduced them...or mentioned him...ever?

"Don't you dare call him Ed in front of Harry and Louis!" Nick exclaimed "I made that mistake earlier!  Harry almost killed me!"

"What?" Zayn asked, exactly the same time as Louis thought the same thing.

"I might have called Louis Ed" Nick admitted "In my defence" he continued hurriedly "I'm so used to Harry and Will visiting me, considering they used to be joined at the hip and all, I forgot that I was actually looking at his brother!"

"Shit!" Zayn laughed "Did Louis twig?"

"Why would he?" Nick stated.  There was the click of a lighter sounding "He's still totally in the dark isn't he?"

"Yup" Zayn agreed "Poor little fucker knows nothing.  I really don't understand Will though...don't get me wrong...I love the lad...but he just baffles me..."

"How so?"

There was the sound of a huge sigh.  The scratch of trainers being scuffed against concrete.

"I don't get why he's just prolonging this.  Ok mistakes were made, lies were told, secrets were hid" you could hear how much Zayn was frowning "What Harry and William need to do, is sit Louis down and just come clean"

"What?" Nick mocked "Hey Lou, just thought you should know that we've been having a bromance for years, we're best mates, we work together, all the songs I have ever written are linked in someway to you, oh and your boyfriend sings all of them on a daily basis"

"Maybe more tactful than that"

"Think they'll ever tell him?"

"Did you see them being introduced tonight?  I think it's safe to say that ship has sailed!"

"I've never known Harry to love someone as he loves Louis" Nick said to which Zayn instantly agreed "I've never known someone to care about their brother as much as William cares for Louis" "You should..."

"Here you are!" exclaimed a third voice "I've been looking for you everywhere!  Come on!  Harry's gone to find Louis.  Have you seen them?"

 

The chatter downstairs continued, slowly fading into the background, the slam of the door shutting behind the three boys echoing into silence, and in that silence, Louis' mind imploded.  There were no tears, or hyperventilating or the slightest sign of inner turmoil.  He was just silent.  His brain just couldn't compute what he'd just heard.  Had he really just heard that?  How was that even possible?  There was only one possible explanation.  This wasn't real.  Harry and William being best friends?  No, that would never happen.  He would have known.  Harry would have told him.  Harry would have told him straight away.  Harry was beautiful and sweet and kind, and he loved Louis.  Harry wouldn't do that to him!  This was all a dream.  A sick, twisted, revolting dream that his subconscious had made up, showing him fears he didn't even know he was worried about...but Louis didn't have the imagination to make me that up on his own...did he?

"Louis?  Have you seen Harry?" Zayn called to him from the stage as he hurried through the club to find him "He went looking for you"

"I'll tell him" Louis promised, he heard himself say, but couldn't seem to recognise his own voice.

"Are you ok?" Zayn asked him furrowing his brow and reaching out a hand to touch his arm.

Louis looked into Zayn's eyes.  He knew.  Zayn knew things.  Secrets.  Lies.  Did that make him the enemy?

"I'm going to find Harry" Louis muttered, turning abruptly away from those tretrious eyes that had the cheek to look concerned.

"Louis wait" Zayn made a grab for his wrist, but Louis shrugged out away from his grasp.  He needed to get to Harry.  Harry would tell him the truth, Harry would tell him that everything was all wrong.

His feet were making all his decisions for him, marching him straight back to the room he felt he'd only just left.

Outside the room, he paused, listening, thinking.  He couldn't think.  His mind wasn't functioning like he should.  All he could feel - apart from the painfuly numbing sensation around his nerve endings was fear - that everything he feared was in this one small room.  

The sight that awaited him both surprised him and didn't at the same time.  Just because he saw it coming, it didn't mean that it was any more enjoyable.

They were sat on one of the long comfy seats that wound its way around the whole room.  William was shaking slightly, face buried in Harry's chest.  Harry was rubbing his back slowly, rocking him back and forth, a hiss of soft words whispering from his lips that were pressed so close to his ear.

It felt as though he was looking in a mirror.  Was this what it looked like when Harry held him?  Maybe Harry was confused.  Maybe Harry had been tricked and he had no idea it wasn't Louis in his arms.

"Harry?" He asked hesitantly, trying not to scare his boyfriend too much "That's not me your holding"

It was all he needed to say.  It gave him every possible answer he'd been looking for.  Harry knew.  Why else would he look so guilty?  Why else would he have gone so pale, his green eyes shocked and somewhat dazed.  This wasn't right.  His Harry shouldn't be looking at him like this.  He only wanted Harry to smile at him and be happy.

He gave his message, walking straight over to Harry and sliding onto his lap.  He looked and felt too tense.  Kissing him would help that.  Kisses always helped.  Inclining his head, he chose to start fluttering kisses across his handsome jawline.  Harry loved having his jaw kissed, he had this little spot right by his ear...

"Lou?"

"Yes Haz?" 

Harry had the most beautiful voice Louis had ever heard, especially when he was saying Louis' name.  He loved hearing Harry talk.  He should talk more.  Peppering little soft kisses over his cheeks, Louis made sure to tangle his fingers in the baby hairs at the base of Harry's neck.  He loved Harry's hair, so soft, so shiny, so perfect to tug and tease.

"Are you ok?"

He sounded concerned, worried, panicked.  Louis didn't want Harry to panic.  It made his beautiful face frown.  Of course he was ok.  He was in his Harry's lap...just like...just like William...just like William had been a few seconds ago....no.  He wasn't ok.  Why wasn't he ok again?  He couldn't remember...something about...he was feeling dizzy again, maybe if he just kissed Harry one more time then everything would be all right again...but kissing wasn't helping either of them.  Even when Louis fully deepened their kiss, sliding his tongue against Harry's...who wasn't responding...why wasn't he responding to him?  Maybe Louis wasn't looking happy enough?  He hummed a little as their mouths moved together, almost moaning into Harry's mouth.  Would that convince him?

"Lou?"

He heard his name spoken.  But it wasn't Harry's voice so it didn't mean anything to him.  That voice should just shut the fuck up!  Harry flinched.  That voice had made his Harry flinch.

"What's wrong Hazza?"

He was very worried now.  This wasn't what was meant to happen...Harry was supposed to be kissing him and touching him and making him feel good again...because he didn't feel good...he felt...scared...really scared...and hurt...but why?  

He had to keep smiling.  He had to reassure his boy that he was ok.  Because if Louis was ok, then Harry would be ok.  So he smiled a smile he didn't mean, because he loved his Harry.

"You seem so distracted" he smiled, poking him on the nose "Come back to me"

"Baby...what you saw..."

Harry was such an angel.  His angel.  And Louis was his baby.  As long as he had a heart and a soul, he would always be Harry's baby.  But what was he talking about?  What had he seen?

"Oh!" 

In an instant his mind was rushing backwards as though the last few minutes were being rewound right in front of his eyes.  He was walking into the room.  He was seeing Harry and William together.  He felt horrified all over again.  And realised how close William was standing to him.  He shouldn't be this close.  Bad things could happen with this close proximity.  Was William trying to get close to Harry?  Again?  Was Louis the bad person by sitting on his boyfriends lap?  Was Harry still his boyfriend?

"I'm so sorry" he babbled, still looking horrified.  He was trying so hard to look happy.  What was wrong with his cheeks?  They weren't moving "Did I interrupt something?"

No-one spoke.  Louis was grateful.  He could almost hear the words.  If he looked carefully enough, he could almost see them written in the air in dust and vapour.  Maybe he could distract Harry, take his mind off all this.

"You'd better get going"  Louis continued.  His smile was back on his face, but it was such a struggle to keep it there, it was making his cheeks hurt, he hid the discomfort but going in for another kiss "I'm so excited to hear you sing!"

Harry was muttering something.  Something that sounded negative and unwelcome.  Louis didn't want to hear sad, upset Harry.  So he got up abruptly, taking his hand, marvelling internally how good Harry's hand looked in his...stroking down William's back....NO!  Why was he thinking about this?  It was making his skin itch!

"Baby...?" Harry breathed and he looked so...perfect...and...

"I love you"  Louis couldn't keep the words in his mouth.  He'd looked into Harry's face, and a swell of adoration and love squeeze at his chest,  did Harry feel it too when he heard them?  That was all he wanted...to make Harry happy.

"I love you too baby"

It was official,  the only thing better than saying those words, was having that beautiful voice saying it back to him.  The love he was feeling was squeezing him tighter and tighter, so much that it hurt!  Why was it hurting?  He could hear something behind him.  Slithering around,  lurking in the background...taking what wasn't his to take...

He completely missed what Harry said, but their hands were linked together - when did that happen and they were walking out the door.  

The door.

The door he'd come in earlier..and...his mind was rushing back again....further...he was stood between Zayn and Nick...but they couldn't see him...and they were saying...

"You coming Ed?" 

Ouch!  Harry had squeezed his hand so tightly it felt like his bones had been crushed, followed closely by his nose sharply coming into contact with Harry's back.  Why had they stopped.  Harry was going to sing to him.

"Everything ok?" he had to keep smiling.  Smiling helped everything.  Had to keep being happy! "I love you" he made sure to remind him "Let's go Hazza" he chirped "Can't keep everyone waiting"

Harry leaned down towards him.  Harry had such beautiful eyes.  So deep and so green.  The most dazzling, glittering, enticing green he had ever seen and they were never more beautiful than when they were looking at him.  Louis could get so lost in them.  Like now.  His lips were moving, but Louis wasn't listening.  If he listened then he might hear something he didn't want to hear.  He'd done that tonight.  He'd heard things he didn't want to know.  And now they knew that he knew and it was only a matter of time before they wanted to know, and he wanted to know too.  But...it just hurt too much.  So he did the only thing he could think of.  Smile.  He was still smiling painfully as Harry left the room.  Louis was too busy remembering to smile that he barely even noticed.

 

 

"Louis?"

William was definitely scared now.  He may not have been around his brother for a very long time, but he could still recognise when Louis was having a crises. 

Blank eyes turned in his direction, narrowing in transit.  William gulped hard.  The last time he had seen this expression was when Louis was in his hospital bed...staring...seeing nothing...

"Louis?" William tried again.  Still nothing.  Just stood there, face slack, shoulders hunched....then he smiled, only it looked wrong.  He was trying way too hard and it just came out as a robotic, creepy grimace.

Seeing his brother sway a little on his feet, William grabbed Louis' arms, manhandling him to sit down.  That move clarified everything.  Something was definitely wrong, for Louis had said nothing...not even to sneer at him.

Kneeling down in front of his twin, William rubbed his arms in a comforting manor...having more effect on him than Louis.

"Tell me Lou, what's wrong with you?" William demanded.  He actually preferred it when Louis was screaming at him "I'm getting worried about you"

Louis had been staring at the door, or was he looking right through it?  Had he taken something to make him so out of it?  William just wanted to grab him and shake him hard until he snapped out of wherever he was!  He felt so helpless and worthless when he was around Louis...he missed Louis so much.

"Fucks sake Lou!" William couldnt take this weird, twisted expression on Louis' face, slapping him around the face to try and shock him, but not hard enough to hurt.

And now he knew what do you if he ever decided to slap a slumbering snake.  Louis' face hardened, pressing one hand to the spot that had come into contact with William's palm, a hint of pink colouring his pale skin - making Will realise how much colour he had actually lost.

"Don't touch me!" Louis hissed, his eyes widened, nostrils flaring angrily.

"Then talk to me" William demanded "Please Louis, we have to talk about this!"

"Nothing to say" Louis murmured still running his cheek and glaring at his twin. William was quick to notice that he had half returned to the surface.

"What you saw" William began, he was going to explain himself anyway, regardless of whether Louis wanted to know or not.  He was in no doubt that this was the last time he ever saw Louis and he was refusing to leave him until he had admitted to everything.  It was all he could do to keep him from a life of regret.

"I saw nothing!" Louis shouted, jumping to his feet and pushing William to the floor "I heard nothing, I saw nothing!"

"Then why did you call me Ed?" William demanded "Who told you?"

Louis was shaking, quivering like a scared little lamb separated from his mother.  

"Who are you?" He looked so confused, twisting a button on his shirt cuff until it was in danger of falling off "Where's Harry?"

"I'm your brother" William snapped, Louis was just being stupid now "I'm your identical twin brother William!" grabbing both of his arms and shaking the boy who didnt make a move to dislodge him or fight back "You saw something you didn't like, grow up and deal with it!  You've been avoiding me too long!"

Still no response.

"Do something!" William growled, feeling his own anger bubble to the surface.  He'd done something bad, he'd been caught out, now he needed to be punished.  Louis needed to punish him.  Louis had chosen avoidance over proactively putting William in his place.

Wound up, William struck out at Louis again.

"Do something!" He repeated desperately "I hurt you!  Punch me!  Kick me!  Just fucking do something!"

"Stop!" Louis whimpered, struggling to get away "Please Bear..."

Bear.  Louis' old nickname for him.  He hadn't heard Louis say it for such a long time.  It used to be what they were, Louis was Boo, William was Bear.  Two parts of one whole.  Boo Bear.  It felt like a lifetime ago.

"Louis....Boo...I'm so sorry" tears were welling up in William's eyes "Please talk to me"

Louis settled his gaze finally on William's face.  Tears were dripping off the end of his nose and he looked so much smaller and helpless.

"I'm scared" he uttered finally, shrinking in on himself, trying to hide, trying to fold himself into nothing.

It was all a matter of instinct.  Years of being the protector, the initiator, the stronger, forthright twin power surged into his system.  Jumpstarting everything he'd tried to repress over the years, overspilling into one long awaited fluid action.

"Come here Boo" he croaked out wrapping his arms tightly around his brother, refusing to let him go.  He had to fix this.  He had to fix his twin.  This was all his fault.

Louis was coming around, he could feel it in how his body was going rigid in his arms, squirming away.  Scared little whimpers tumbled out of the mouth that was firmly pressed into his neck - William could feel his hot breath on his skin.

"Harry!" he panted, unable to hit out due to his arms trapped between his and William's chests "Where is he?  You made him leave me!"

"He's not left you!" William tried to soothe him, keeping his vice like grip firmly around his torso, using one hand to comb through the back of his hair "He's coming back.  I'll look after you Boo" he promised speaking directly into Louis' ear "You don't have to be scared, it's just me"

"Harry!"  Louis whimpered out pathetically, wrenching his head back "I need Harry!"

"I need you!" William's fingers clawed desperately into Louis' hair, scratching his scalp with his nails "Nobody, not even Harry needs you as much as I do!"

"No" Louis' face was screwed up in pain, shaking his head rapidly 

"Yes!  I need you so much and I've missed you so much!  It's you and I Boo!  It's always been you and...."

He was stopped mid sentence, Louis kicking him hard in the shin.  William gasped in pain, his grasp on his brother not faltering, even as he stumbled forward, falling, pushing Louis into the wall.

A groan of pain emitted from Louis' mouth.  Frantically, William looked into his brother's face, wanting to heal his hurt, comfort him, reassure him - hating how terrified he was - and it was all his fault.

William acted on instinct and before Louis had the chance to make a sound or even move a muscle, William had jolted his face forwards, crushing his mouth firmly against Louis'.

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So...anyone see that coming?! Next chapter: Revelations and explanations :)


	29. Chapter 29

It had all started so innocently when Louis and William were toddlers.  

Jay was a firm believer in never going to sleep on an arguement, and it was a value that she was insistent that she passed on to her two boys from a very young age.

Every other day it seemed that she had to break up a fight, or a tussle between the boys, usually over something silly such as William drawing in Louis' colouring book, claiming that "Boo isn't doing it properly!" or William crying because Louis had lost his favourite toy car.  Such little things to an adult, but the end of the world for her two little boys who her life revolved around.

"Say you're sorry" she always said sternly to them both afterwards, trying to resist smiling at their two identical pouting faces.

"Sorry" they'd mumble in unison, shuffling their feet and refusing to make eye contact.

"Now say I love you" she continued, gently pushing them towards each other.  They had to make up because then they could get back to playing and she could have some fun with her babies rather than telling them off.

Louis, the more sensitive twin was always the first one.

"Love you bear" he'd whisper moving a little closer to his brother, peeping up at the other boy through his eyelashes.

William would sigh dramatically "love you boo" he muttered in response wrapping his pudgy arms around his twin.

"Ready to kiss and make up?" Jay asked, glad they were in the final stages of their make up routine...it was cute, but some days they had to do it way too often.

It was adorable the way they used to giggle and peck each other on the lips.  Then they'd either hug each other, or one would tickle the other, and the room which had been echoing with crying and bickering would be filled with happy laughter.  

One of her most proudest memories was when she realised she didn't even need to talk them through the routine anymore.  

"Give me back my book!" Louis wailed when he was four years old, he stood on his tiptoes, straining to reach the book that William was holding high above his head "Bear that's mine!  Give it to me!!" He cried, fat tears trailing down his reddened cheeks, using William's shoulder as leverage to get higher, but only managing to reach his wrist.

Jay wiped her wet, soapy hands on a tea towel, ready to go and split them up as usual.  But just as she was heading in their direction, she saw William (who had been grinning gleefully at his triumph), look down at his brother, and then frown.

"Please Will!" Louis begged, climbing on top of William's socked feet in a bid to stretch further "Stop being mean to me!"

"I'm sorry" William said suddenly, looking guilty and dropping his arm, pushing the book gently into Louis' chest "But I wanted you to play with me...and you're being boring"

"I love my book!" Louis protesting sniffling as he hugged it to his chest protectively.

"So play with me now and we can play books together when we go bed" William reasoned holding his arms "Please Boo?  I love you!"

"I love you too" Louis whispered, dropping his beloved book on the floor and letting William hug him "Sorry for being boring" and kissed William sweetly on the lips.  He still looked sad, until William began to tickle Louis' side, and his face broke into his trademark cheeky grin, tickling his brother back until the two of them were rolling around on the ground, their disagreement long forgotten.

Jay could not have been more proud.

 

The twins had been close right from the beginning, which only developed the older they got.  There had been points of their life that Jay had encouraged them to be more separate people and less of a double act as they were known.  They both had separate interests and liked doing different things - but they liked each other more, and it wasn't even much of an effort for William to endure an afternoon of revision or skateboarding in the park as long as it was followed by Louis playing football with him later, or letting him choose what film they were going to watch together that night.

"I'm bored!" William groaned, throwing his pen across the room and watching it bounce off the wall and onto the floor "Lou can't we do this later?  It's sunny outside!" he complained looking mournfully out the window and then back at the maths book in front of him, the one that was sat between both their laps so they could share it.  They both had a copy of their own, but since they always sat next to each other or studied together, there was no point to the second.  It also gave them less to carry around with them at school.

Another pen was shoved in front of his face, Louis chewing on the end of his, not moving his eyes from the page.  

The were eleven now and had just started secondary school.  It was a huge change from Primary School.  Instead of staying in one classroom all day, they had timetables and had to move around the school to get to their classes.  Classes which provided them, either with an hour of entertainment, or a hour of boredom.

Both twins had been excited about the change for different reasons.  Louis couldn't wait to start classes and get proper homework to do, William couldn't wait to make new friends - he'd got bored of the old ones.

"Just finish the first ten questions we'll go out" promised Louis distractedly "What you want to do?"

"Go to the park and hang out" William decided "Ellie and Amelia said they were going to be there" he waggled his eyebrows "We can show off our amazing basketball skills"

"You have skills" Louis muttered "I just get hit by the ball" he looked up frowning and poked him with his pen "Get on with it then!"

"So I was wondering" William wheedled, shifting closer to his twin and nuzzling his nose fondly in his brothers soft hair "When we're at the park...."

"Which one do you like?" asked Louis, smirking as he chewed his pen "Ellie?"

"Yup" answered William, popping the P and grinning widely "Don't you think she's fit?"

"Not really my type" Louis mused, rubbing out the answer he'd written down for question eight and inputting another answer "So I'll...erm...distract Amelia whilst you...."

"That's my boy!" exclaimed William gleefully wrapping his arm around his brothers shoulders and giving him a swift kiss on the corner of his mouth "You're the bestest brother ever"

"i just know the drill" Louis replied dryly "I'm beginning to think all I am to you is a wingman and a study aid!"

"Aww Boo!  You know you mean more to me than that!" William protested playfully jumping on top of his brother, pretending to kiss him all over his face "I love you more than any other girl!"

"I know Bear" Louis smiled fondly up at his brother "I love you too" and kissed him briefly on the corner of his mouth.  William didn't react as though it was weird.  Even as old as they were, they still kissed each other often.  It was just a brother/twin thing.  It was just what they'd always done.

 

Two hours later, after a lot more moaning and groaning on William's part about having to finish all the maths problems, Louis and William were at their local park with the two girls William had wanted to meet up with.

William was pressing Ellie up against a tree, kissing her with as much passion as the blonde haired, blue eyed girl would allow.  Wearing a tiny pair of shorts and a low cut top, William had been drooling all over himself.  She was the hottest girl he'd met...so far...and it didn't hurt that she was an amazing kisser.  Whilst they both came up for air, William looked over to where Louis and Amelia were sitting on the swings, chatting closely and laughing.  He couldn't deny that Amelia was gorgeous as well, and if he hadn't been so into her friend, he would have been all over her.  She seemed to be very interested in Louis - constantly touching her hair and flaunting her long bare legs and bikini clad chest - but as William expected, Louis wasn't even batting an eyelid...which was annoying the girl no end!  It wasn't surprising to William, plenty of girls found him attractive...but he just didn't notice, or didn't want to see it.  He was even starting to think that Louis might be into boys...more so after William had hissed that 'a hottie was walking past at two o clock, and Louis looked straight at the guy that the girl in question was walking with, instantly agreeing.

Not that it bothered William in the slightest.  It just meant there were more girl options for him!

 

"So you like her then?" Louis asked later that night coming back from the bathroom after brushing his teeth and automatically getting into bed with William "Or were you just checking that she flosses?"

"No one uses floss anymore Boo" William rolled his eyes, and shifted on his side to give his twin more room.  It was only lately that they had realised their beds were getting too small for them to both sleep in together.  Not that they were going to change their habits though.  William wasn't sure weather he'd be able to sleep properly without Louis next to him anymore, they'd slept in the same bed pretty much all their lives.  It wasn't even something they thought about now.  Louis slept in Williams bed tangled up in his arms.  It was just what they did.

Fourteen years old and life was perfectly fine for the twins.  But a lot started happening in that year, and looking back on it was about the same time that things started to take a dramatic change in their relationship.

It started with a bully.

Louis and William more or less had the same friends.  Because Louis was more interested in his school work that socialising, he didn't get the chance to meet that many people, so it was up to William - social butterfly during lunch breaks and messing about in class that dragged him along to hang out with him and his friends, who after a while accepted Louis into their circle.

As his main role of wingman, Louis would distract the friend of the one William was interested in, and he did a good job of it.  So good in some cases that the girls would become interested in Louis and want to take things further - but he just wasn't interested, he wasn't that way inclined.

"Oy!  Tomlinson!" shouted an angry voice as Louis was waiting for William to finish with the girl he was kissing behind the gym "Want to talk to you!"

Louis looked up nervously, wishing that William would hurry up.  It was Seamus Flint.  One of the popular lads in the year above him.  The type that everyone knew and either sucked up to him or avoided him at all costs.  He wasn't a very pleasant lad, which put Louis firmly in the group who walked the other way if he was heading in their direction.

"Alright?" He asked carefully, looking over Seamus' shoulder, hoping to see William making an appearance.

"You seeing Kara?" He asked Louis, looking a bit like a disgruntled Doberman "I was hanging out with her last night and all she could talk about was you!"

Louis knew who Kara was.  He'd spent a lot of time with her lately, due to William's flavour of the month being her sister.  He had a feeling Kara liked him...but he just wanted to be friends- she wasn't his type.

"Just friends" he said hastily, heaving his backpack higher on his shoulders.  Where was William?

"Didnt sound like it to me!" Seamus hissed getting right in his face, so close that Louis could smell the cigarette smoke on his breath.  He scowled at the stench.  He hated people who smoked!

"Problem?" Seamus sneered, misreading Louis' look for one that was going to fight for the girl that he fancied.  Louis didn't even have time to react.  One moment he was preparing to Shake his head and the next, he felt his cheek pretty much explode from the Heat and pain that was the result of Seamus's face connecting with his eye socket!

"Stay away from my girl!" Seamus growled, shoving him against the wall for good measure before strutting off in the other direction.

Louis fled.  He ran all the way home, and didn't stop running till he was upstairs and hiding under his duvet cover on his bed, clutching his face in his hands and crying into his pillow.

He stayed there until William finally got home a few hours later.

"Lou?" William asked, approaching the bed with apprehension "You alright?"

No reply.  Just the shaking of a bedsheet and a sniff.

"Why didn't you wait for me?" William pressed, sitting down on the bed besides the lump that was Louis "Are you mad at me because I took so long?  I'm sorry, I love you"

He laid down next to his twin, expecting his head to pop out of the covers long enough to give him his kiss and say he loved him back, but Louis didn't move.

"Louis! Looouueh! Lou!" William sang out, kneeling up on the bed and bouncing on it "Don't be angry with me!  I'm sorry I was ages...but she wouldn't put me down!"

No response.

Hufling, William jumped off the bed on the side that lump of Louis seemed to be facing and knelt down next to the pillow.  

"If you don't come out, I'm coming in" William warned playing with the edge of the duvet cover, threatening to lift it.

"I've got a headache" came Louis' muffled voice "Go away!"

 

Now William knew that Louis was lying.  When Louis got a headache he didn't hide under his duvet.  When Louis got a headache he demanded drinks, painkillers and hugs in the dark whilst watching the on the lowest possible volume...in short he was dramatic and needy...and William was more than happy to cater to his every need.

"Lou? What's wrong?" Willian asked a little more urgently "I know you too well for you to lie like that"

"Only if you promise not to overeact" Louis answered him, still muffled and sounding quite upset.

"I promise" William replied, curious and suspicious in equal measures.

Very cautiously, Louis pushed the covers away from him, making William swear the instant that he laid eyes on Louis' left eye, or rather the tender, swallown and crusty space where his eye socket used to be!

"What the fuck!" William exclaimed, his mouth dropping open with shock "What the hell happened? Did someone do this to you?"

It took Louis a fraction too long for him to answer.

"Fell over" he muttered, his one good eye refusing to meet William's.

"Bollocks!" William growled.  His heart was racing, blood boiling, and the vein in the side of his temple was throbbing so hard it was probably ready to burst "Do not move" he said sternly, storming off to the bathroom and the kitchen in succession and returning with some ice and a warm damp cloth.

Louis was fully back under the duvet, curled up,face hidden, but he let his brother tend to the sore parts of his face - after all, no one took better care of him than his twin.

With painstaking care and attention to detail, William wiped the last of the dried blood off his brothers temple, glaring at the angry mottled skin underneath.  There was no way that Louis did this to himself - nothing made William more livid than the thought of someone touching his twin!

Louis' hissed as William applied the ice with the aid of a cloth, but lay back and allowed William to take care of him.  He closed his one good eye, wincing every now and again as William dabbed his tender skin, but feeling slightly better which was all due to his brothers presence.

"You going out today?" Louis asked casually - only it wasn't casual.  He was fishing.

"Nope" answered William kicking off his shoes and sliding under the covers, before reaching for the glass of water and paracetamol tablets he'd taken from the kitchen "Get these down you" he offered kindly, watching intently as Louis swallowed the caplets, washing them down with a gulp of water "Gonna stay here with you"

Louis hummed with contentment.

"It hurts" he complained, going to touch his eye, his hand being knocked aside by William before he'd made contact.

"Don't bother it" he was told sternly, only to have William press his lips to it seconds later "Are you going to tell me what really happened?" He asked "You have to tell me Boo"

Louis faltered.  He hated keeping secrets from his twin, but he knew how protective William was over him.  However.  He knew William would be even more angry if he didn't tell him and found out from somewhere else.

"Seamus was warning me off Kara" he admitted, not looking his twin in the eyes deliberately "You know what he's like...not one for just being verbal when he can prove his point with a punch"

"When?" William demanded, sitting up in bed abruptly.  He was so angry he was actually shaking "Wait until I get my hands on that little shit!"

"Dont!" Louis begged, grabbing Williams hands "Please!  Don't do anything!  It's not worth it!"

"Are you seriously going to lie there and tell me that you are not worth it?" snapped William incrediously "You get punched in the face for what?  Being friends with a girl?  That's twisted Lou!  I am not going to stand by and let that happen!" he lent over and gently kissed the bruise on Louis' face whilst stroking his fingers through his hair "I can't have someone hurting you" he barely whispered feeling a little bubble of discomfort as he examined the ugly marks "You're part of me Lou.  When someone hurts you, they hurt me too!"

 

Louis didn't go to school the next day.  Partly because he didn't want to have to explain his bruised eye to his mum, but mainly because he was quite frightened of seeing Seamus again, and giving him the satisfacton of seeing his 'artwork'.  

Luckily Jay didn't bat an eyelid when William reported that Louis was sick in bed with a migraine.  Louis never faked being poorly to get out of school - unlike William who tried to get out of something every other week!

"How you feeling?" William asked, crouching down next to Louis' bed "Mum thinks you're asleep so don't make too much noise ok"

Louis nodded "Don't do anything stupid will you" he asked sleepily, pulling the duvet closer to him.  Poor Louis had endured a long, almost sleepless night, tossing and turning, clinging to his twin.  Obviously he was more scared of Seamus than he was letting on.

"Get some sleep" William instructed him, avoiding the question "I'll come straight home" he promised patting his head.

Slinging his satchel over his shoulder, he headed for the door.  There was no way he was going to let Seamus get away with this!

 

It was strange walking into the school yard without Louis.  William didn't like it one little bit.  He saw Seamus instantly, leaning against the fence, one arm slung around Kara who was talking to her sister - aka a girl who looked pretty hot seventeen hours ago...now she just looked cheep.

A cocky, smug grin twitched on Seamus' mouth as he set eyes on William, making him clamp his jaw shut, grinding his teeth.  How dare he be looking like that!  Happy, laughing, hanging out with his friends like nothing had happened!

Emily, Kara's sister skipped over to him, wrapping her arms around his neck, no doubt going in for a good morning kiss.  This morning he was not interested in the slightest.

"Where's your leech?" came a learing tone from beyond him, as William tried to shrug his way out of Emily's embrace without hurting her feelings "Is baby too scared to come to school?  Face ache?"

"Shut your mouth!" William bit out, feeling what little cool he had disaperate.  To his disgust Seamus pulled Kara closer to him and let out a loud, obnoxious laugh "Hear that Kar?  Your little lover boy is a pathetic snivling little coward!"

Kara giggled.  William found that almost as offensive as Seamus just being there.  Kara was meant to be Louis' friend and this was how much she respected him.  Fuck her!  Fuck Seamus!  William didn't care how big he was, or how strong, or how much influence he had over his friends.  But it wasn't that which pushed him over the edge, it was the small, almost insignificant split on one of the lads knuckles...no doubt made by punching his brother!

"Listen to me you little bitch!" He snarled, a cloud of crimson anger propelling him forward, shoving Seamus in the chest as hard as he could.  William was not huge by any means, but he was angry he felt like he was a seven foot heavy weight champion "You touch my brother again and I'll fuck you up so badly you'll...."

There were hands on William, tugging, pulling on him to get him to stop, voices shouting at him to stop, but the louder they got, the harder they tugged, the more Seamus laughed at him, the harder William hit out, wanting to inflict as much pain as Louis had received.  Nobody was allowed to hurt his brother!  Nobody!

 

"Get in your room and don't you dare come out!" Jay shouted at William marching him through the hallway "I am so angry with you William!"

Louis sat up in bed, meercat style.  What was going on?  It was only eleven o clock.  Why wasn't his mum at work?  Why wasn't William at school?  Why was...?

The bedroom door was flung open with a bang, his twin storming in and throwing his bag into the corner.

Knowing who would be following, Louis dived back under the covers, staying as still as possible to feign sleep.

"Be quiet you selfish little boy" Jay hissed angrily "You know poor Lou has a bad head.  You will sit here in silence and do your homework.  No television, no music! Not a peep out of you!"

William glowered from his bed crossing his arms across his chest.  He was not a fucking child!

"I'm so disappointed in you William" Jay told him sadly as she closed the door "This is not over!"

The door was shut firmly behind her, her footsteps fading as they disappeared into the living room.

"What happened?" hissed Louis from under the covers "Why are you home?"

William just groaned.

"Oh my god!  What did you do!" Louis squeaked scrambling out of bed and next to his twin, immediately touching his busted lip "You promised you wouldn't do anything!"

"I told you.  I wasn't going to let him get away with it" William retorted tiredly pulling Louis into his arms and cuddling him close, the instinct to protect him at all costs still running wildly in his veins "No one hurts you whilst I'm around"

"You got caught though right?"

"Caught, suspended for a week..."William trailed off "Mum's pissed off...."

"I'm not worth that!" Louis exclaimed angrily "Nobody is worth...."

"Shut up!" William spat rolling away from his brother...he didn't want a lecture...for a third time after getting one from his teacher, and his mum on the way home.

"I'm meant to be keeping you out of trouble" Louis told him sadly, stroking his upper arm and watching his brother's back "Not getting you into it"

"And I'm meant to be protecting you, not giving other people reasons to hurt you" was the reply from William "If I hadn't made you hang out with Kara to get to Emily....this wouldn't have happened.  This is all my fault!" He turned over, gently cupping Louis' face in his, making sure he didn't press too hard around his bruise "I love you Lou and I'm so sorry" he told him, sounding so sad and so guilty pressing his lips gently to Louis'.

 

The weekend followed that day, so come Monday morning - Louis' face more or less back to normal with just the faint colouring of a bluish/ yellow tinge around his left eye - the one twin went to school alone.  

Louis was dreading it.  No doubt Seamus would be throughly fucked off about the whole thing, and hopefully he wouldn't take it upon himself to take advantage of William's only weakness - his love for his twin brother.

He saw his friendship group all huddled together when he arrived at school and made his way over to them - glad that Seamus was nowhere in sight, and he had people to hang around with without William being there.

"Hi" he greeted, trying to sound cheerful, and went to stand between Tom and Dougie...but found the gap mysteriously closed "Er...guys?" He asked confused "What's....."

"Get lost Louis" snapped Tom, very out of character for the Tom that Louis' had gotten to know over the school year "Go hang out with someone else"

"What?" Louis didn't understand.  These were his friends.  He always hung out with them, every day since William introduced them "Why...?"

"Oh look, it's the grass!" 

A sarcastic call came from behind him.  Making the hairs on his back stick up, whirling around to see Seamus strutting over to him, Kara under his arm looking furious.

Seamus' face had obviously seen better days, all no doubt due to William's handy work which was quite impressive considering he only came away from the meeting with a burst lip and a sore shoulder.

"Get the fuck away from my mates!" Seamus warned "You aren't welcome here Tommo...and tell your brother...he's going to be very sorry he attacked me like that!"

Like he had been there all along, Seamus slid himself into the circle of the six people Louis had considered his friends, turning his back on him.  Louis desperately searched the faces he could see, willing them to look at him, give him some sign that they were just as scared as Seamus as he was, and they were still on his side. Nothing.  None of them even glanced his way.

"Fuck off!" Suddenly exclaimed Dougie - the one who used to be Louis' favourite "You're not our friend!  We only put up with you because Will made us!  We never liked you anyway!"

"What did I do?" Asked Louis wildly upset "I didn't do anything!"

"Will beat my boyfriend up" chirped Kara, vicious and hateful "We're disowning him, and we never even wanted you!  You're unwelcome here!"

It was all Louis could do not to cry.  How was it possible that he had done nothing wrong and yet he was being punished?  How could they choose that disgusting oaf over him? Over William?  Had they really only put up with him?  He really thought that Dougie liked him more than his brother...how could he have read that so wrong?  Wasn't he good enough?  Why didn't they like him?

By the time he got home that afternoon after a whole day of sitting alone and being ignored, Louis felt so guilty.  It wasn't just him who had lost out, it was William to...who would possibly care even more than Louis considering it was his friendship circle who he lived for - and Louis had ruined it for him.

 

William was slaving over his English homework when he got to the safety of their room.  Without saying a word, he kicked off his shoes, climbed ontop of William's bed and moulded himself around his twin - needing a cuddle and comfort more than ever.

William wasn't surprised, after the amount of warning/ unkind texts he had received through the day, William was aware of exactly what had happened.

"Fuck them" he shrugged, kissing Louis' forehead "We do not need people like that in our lives.  We have each other.  We are much stronger than all of them combined"

"I'm sorry" Louis whispered into his chest "This is all my fault"

William would never understand where Louis would get that idea from.  It was blantantly because of him.  He was about to tell him so, when Louis rolled back a fraction, looking sadly up into William's face "I'm so sorry" he whispered "I love you", then with his little nimble fingers, he steadied William's jaw, leaning up and pressing his lips softly, yet firmly against William's.  Only unlike normal, he didn't stop after a brief second, he just moved his fingers to the back of his neck and adjusted his lips a fraction, applying a little more pressure before drawing back.

"What was that for?" William asked feeling a little light headed.

"Because I'm really sorry"

"I'm really sorry too" 

William pulled Louis closer to him, dropping a feather light kiss on his forehead, then his temple, the patch of discolouration under his eye socket, and the tip of his nose, not even pausing to think as he dipped his face and pressed his own lips against his twins.

The kiss was different this time, it wasn't just a light peck, or a short precise kiss.  Slowly he opened his mouth against Louis lips, sliding his fingers up and down the back of Louis' neck, the other hand pressing his twin closer to him with gentle pressure on the small of his back.

Louis' mouth moulded against his, moving in blissful synconisity.  William had kissed a lot of girls before, but this was so different.  It didn't feel sexual.  He wasn't trying to prove anything.  It was warm, soft, gentle, and he could feel the warmth of their love for each other spiralling around them, closing them up in a silken cocoon.  It was something he'd never felt with anyone else, and as William teased the tip of his tongue on the inside of Louis' beautiful mouth, he reaslised that he would have gladly given up all the previous kisses he'd ever experienced just to have this one...and that he was more than a little jealous when he realised that this was Louis' first.


	30. Chapter 30

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just want to say a massive thank you to everyone who took the time to kudos, subscribe, bookmark and comment after I put up the last chapter! It was pretty touching!  
> I'm really trying to get the next chapter up as quickly as possible, because I don't know about you, but I am really missing Harry!  
> Thank you for reading, take care :) xxx

"Put that down and concentrate!" fifteen year old Louis snapped at William who was lying on the floor playing a game on his phone and ignoring the book sat between them "When are you going to start taking this seriously?"

"Would you let up for two minutes?" Sighed William flopping over on his back, letting Louis pluck the phone from his hand and toss it onto the bed "You really need to learn how to relax Boo, all you do is work...and make me work..."

"You won't be complaining when you pass all your exams" huffed Louis getting up and stalking over William to get another book off the shelf.  William of course was right.  Lately he had been working way too hard, it was almost like he'd forgotten to have fun.  He was tired, stressed and constantly taking it out on his twin.  Luckily his brother knew the perfect way to calm him down.

"Come here" William was using his most soothing tone,  getting to his feet casually, following him to the book case and wrapping his arms around his middle, kissing his cheek "This isn't good for you"

Louis bit his lip.  He could never stay angry with his twin for too long.  Especially when he was being such a calming influence towards him.  Just like now.  Louis felt the ground disappear from under him, as William swept him off his feet, carrying him over to his bed, nosing at his cheek before bringing their lips together.

It had become their new thing and had been going on for well over a year now.  In their little world, kissing solved everything.  If Louis was having a bad day, the first thing he wanted to do when he got home was crawl into William's lap for a kiss and a cuddle.  If an exam went wrong, William would sit with him on the floor, letting him rant about what he got wrong, obsessively pouring through his notes in search of the right answers, William running his fingers through his hair (which always slightly softened Louis' rage), nibbling on his collarbone and up and down his neck, until Louis would relent to his affection, put the papers down and let William take care of him the best way he knew how.

William knew he had changed a little bit since this started.  He always thought of him and his brother as one, and he didn't think they could get closer, obviously he had been wrong - the connection between them had amplified, soaring them to new heights of comfort and affection.  For him there was nothing more beautiful or gratifying than faced with an irate, hacked off, upset Louis and be able to hold, caress and kiss him, until he was all soft and pliable in his arms, looking up at him with sleepy, hooded eyes.  It made him feel so strong, and needed, and worthwhile.  

"What are we going to do tonight?" Louis hummed against his lips, shuffling around in his lap.  He was feeling calmer already.

"I've got a date" William admitted feeling a little guilty, Louis still hadn't made friends with anyone new since they had both been abandoned over a year ago, and although he understood why Louis was reluctant to trust anyone apart from him, William did feel guilty when he had plans that didn't invlove his twin. 

"Who with this time?" Louis asked, a very distinct edge of irritation to his tone, leaning back on his hands.

"Izzy" William replied.  It was the same girl as he'd been seeing for a couple of months now and he quite liked her.  For a change it felt like it might actually be going somewhere.

"Oh" was all Louis could think of to say "You'd better get ready then"

 

Louis didn't even try to keep it a secret that he didn't like William and his popularity.  It felt like he had to compete with these people for his time and he hated it.  Especially girls...especially this new girl Izzy.  Louis hated Izzy.  She was too pretty, she was too nice, she was too funny, she had William too wrapped around her finger...she was the enemy.  Izzy probably didn't know it, but she was powerful - she could take William away from Louis in a heartbeat and that thought terrified him.  He would be alone again, stressed, unhappy and alone.  And as much as Louis wanted his twin to be happy, why couldn't he be happy with just him?

It was all so confusing.  He knew that William loved him, unconditionally, but when would that start to fade because he was getting things from her that he wasn't getting from Louis?

He watched as his brother got ready, picking out a clean t-shirt and jeans, blow drying his hair into a perfect quif, spritzing on a new fragrance that William always referred to as 'cat nip for girls'.

Louis had worn it once.  It had done nothing.  Not that he wanted to attract girls, but it would be nice to know he could!

"What are you doing tonight?" Louis asked, pretending that he actually cared "Hanging out at the park?"

"Going over to her place" shrugged William, trying on a leather jacket, then changing his mind and taking it off, surveying what was in his wardrobe "She's got some new films in...Boo?  Can I wear your denim jacket?  I've lost mine"

Louis nodded, getting up to find it in his wardrobe.  He liked how William always asked to borrow his things, even though he knew he could just take what he wanted.  Louis was very particular about his possessions.

William took it gratefully "What are you going to do tonight?" he asked, once again feeling bad that Louis was going to be stuck in on his own - he had been spending an awful amount of time with Izzy lately.

Louis sighed and sat down heavily on his bed.

"Hadn't thought about it" suddenly he was very interested in a loose thread on the cuff of his hoodie "I've finished my homework..." He trailed off "Want me to finish yours?"

"I'm all done" William assured him "Would you mind looking over my English homework though?  I've read it so many times it's not making sense to me anymore"

"Sure" Louis nodded agreeably, but didn't look up at him.  The thread on his cuff was now on the floor where he'd discarded it and he was now playing with his watch strap.

Carefully William crouched down in front of his brother, taking his hands in his "Are you ok?" He asked gently "I probably won't be out that late"

"I don't care how long you're out for" Louis scoffed, lying through his teeth "Stay out all night for all I care!"

It took William a lot of effort not to roll his eyes, Louis could be so transparent sometimes.

"I'll see you later" he promised, kissing the tip of his nose "Don't forget to look over my English" he called over his shoulder as he made his way out of the room.

"Don't forget my English" Louis mimicked under his breath, making a face and stropping, first to William's desk to pick up his English folder, then to the window, watching his twin trot down the path and out the front gate, skateboard in hand.  As he dropped his board on the pavement, William looked at the window, giving his brother a small smile and a little wave.

Louis waved back, but he didn't smile.  He wouldn't be smiling until William was back with him...where he belonged.

Checking his watch he groaned, it would be hours until William would get home!  Once again, he threw himself on his bed, opening William's folder and flipping through the pages.  It must be the assignment about the poem - Louis had no doubt that William's would be good, better than his...as much as Louis excelled in maths, science and geography...English just wasn't his strong point - especially when it came to creative writing...he lacked the imagination to think of what to say.

William on the other hand....

"You and I" he read aloud, then with another sigh and a look at his watch, settled down to read - red pen at the ready!

The red pen wasn't necessary.  The poem was beautiful...wasn't that just like William to pluck something so touching out of thin air...now he hated Izzy more than ever!

Trying to ignore the chip of jealousy digging into his shoulder, Louis grabbed his laptop, going onto the internet to find something to do.  He'd always wondered about online gaming and he expected to have a lot of time on his hands....

 

It was just gone 10pm when William arrived home.  He popped into his mums room to give her a kiss goodnight, then crept into his and Louis' room.  He was quite surprised to see the room in darkness, the tv was off, there was no hiss of music from his headphones...just a small little bump in his bed where he was curled up.

After a split second of thought, William stripped down to his boxers, but instead of getting into bed next to Louis - as he always did...he pulled back the covers of his own bed and settled down there, lying on his back, a dreamy smile washing over his features, reliving the past few hours over and over again.  He really wanted to wake Louis up and tell him everything...but he had the feeling that Louis wouldn't exactly be as thrilled with the news as William was.  But he really wanted to confide in his twin about it...who else could he tell that he'd just lost his virginity?

 

Louis had of course noticed that William chose to sleep in his own bed and not with him.  For a short while he thought that maybe William was just getting ready for bed and he was just taking his time...but then he heard the covers of the other bed move, then silence...then the soft sound of snoring.

Louis shrunk into a small ball, not really knowing how he felt...William always slept with Louis...always...since when did he eant to sleep on his own?  Since he met that bitch Izzy! 

"I'm not going to cry!" Louis thought to himself, sticking his head under his pillow in hope it would muffle any sounds of tears...not that it mattered...William was too fast asleep to hear him.

 

Things were weird for about a week after William chose to sleep in a different bed.  Louis felt like he had been replaced, and weirdly, William did nothing to reassure him of anything different.  It was like he and Izzy were stuck together like glue...he spent all day with her at school, moving to sit next to her in class instead of staying in his usual spot next to Louis, and outside of school he was always at her house.  Louis was heartbroken.  Out of everyone who he expected to abandon him, he never expected his twin to be one of them!

Day by day, anxiety, low self esteem and jealously, manifested into a little monster, constantly growling and snarling somewhere beneath the surface - a ticking time bomb waiting to explode - which it did...when Louis came home one day to find a half naked Izzy and William getting busy in his bedroom!

"What the fuck?!" He exclaimed angrily, throwing his bag down on the ground with a loud bang and stomping into the room "Get the fuck out of my fucking room!"

William, who was straddling his girlfriend, t-shirtless and moulded around her small, skinny frame, jumped in surprise.

"Shit!" He gasped, torn between wanting to jump up and trying to protect Izzy's dignity "Lou I'm...."

"Fuck off!" Shouted Louis, red in the face and shaking "Get your stupid bitch out of my room and fuck off!"

 

Izzy whimpered in fright, pulling William against her, wanting his protection from the angry twin, trembling with rage in the doorway.

"Get out" William snapped at his brother "You have no right to come in here and kick off!  Do not call my girlfriend a bitch!" He added, making sure Izzy was fully covered with a blanket before he stood up and yanked up his jeans where they were half way down his legs.

The anger disappeared as quickly as it had come, Louis fleeing from the room and running to the bathroom, locking the door behind him and collapsing in a worn out state of tears and unrestrained sadness.

He heard murmured voices in the hall, the front door closing, heavy footsteps approaching the bathroom.  A sharp knock.

"Louis?" 

It was William.  Of course.

"Louis come out, we need to talk" 

Louis didn't want to talk.  William sounded furious.  Which was something he'd heard before, only it had never really been directed at him.

"Don't want to" he choked out, feeling a fresh wave of tears cascade down his cheeks "Go away!"

"I'm not leaving until you come and explain what just happened" William snapped through the door "Get it over with"

"You'll be waiting there forever then!" Louis shouted childishly, not caring how stupid he sounded.

"Fucks sake!  Grow up Louis!"

"Don't you want to make sure your girlfriend is ok?  I'm sure she's missing you since you've been apart for all of three minutes!"

Silence.  Had he gone?  Had William got so bored of Louis that he would walk off even in the middle of an argument?  Cautiously, Louis opened the door, peeping through the crack, William was sat on the floor opposite the door, patiently waiting.  

"Come on then" he said to Louis calmly, getting to his feet and putting his arm around his brother "Let's go sort this out before mum get home"

Louis let himself be pulled back into his bedroom and positioned on his bed.  He expected William to sit on his own, and was rather surprised when he sat down right next to Louis, so close their legs were touching.

"What happened back there?" William asked gently squeezing his shoulder "That wasn't like you Boo"

 

Louis felt his anger towards his twin returning.  How dare he do this to him and then have the cheek to not understand what he was feeling!  Didn't he know Louis at all?!

"It's not like you to yell at me either!" he replied, shifting away so they were no longer touching "You're the one who threw me away!  For a stupid girl!"

"I did not throw you away!" William exclaimed, outraged at the suggestion "And she's not stupid!  If you just made the effort to get to know her..."

"Stop defending her like she's important!" 

"She is important!" William insisted "She's...."

"More important than me!  Alright I get it!  You've been showing me that all fucking week!"

Louis was verging on a hysterical outburst.  It was only then that William realised how tired his twin looked, bluish shadows under his eyes, pinched cheeks, slumped shoulders.  Why was it such a shock to him?  How could he not have noticed this before?  Had he really been this wrapped up in Izzy that he stopped paying attention to his brother?  How could he even begin to think that anyone was more important to William than Louis was?  

"Boo, no one is as important to me as you are" he insisted, dragging his index finger down his twins flushed cheek "You know that!  You've always known that!"

"Do you love her?" 

William wasn't prepared for such a direct question, especially one he hadn't even really considered.  He nodded slowly "Yeah, I guess I do"

Louis sucked his bottom lip fully into his mouth, jerking his chin in a nod.  

"More than me" 

It wasn't a question, it was a fully loaded accusation,  William couldn't begin to say exactly how much was wrong with those three words.

"It's different Boo" William insisted, inching that little bit closer "What I have with Izzy, is nothing like you and I"

Half of Louis' top lip curled up in a grimace.

"You don't have to flaunt that at me"

"Flaunt what?" William was genuinely confused.  Fuck, he really hadn't been paying Louis enough attention.  He shouldn't have to ask.  He should know!

Louis shook his head

"It doesn't matter"

Of course it mattered.

"What's so special about her?"

Now that was an interesting question.  What was so special about her?

"We...we have...we have a connection" William murmured, thinking of the special experience that they'd shared "We shared something special...my first and only...special...something"

Louis was emotionless as he shifted on the bed, sitting cross legged and facing his twin.

"You fucked her"

Another accusation.  Another non question.

William shook his head "We made love Lou"

"So you do love her more than me" Louis shook his head in disbelief, getting up and slowly pacing around the bed.  William watched him, twisting his body around to follow each footstep, tracking his movements.

"It's different Lou" he insisted, his mouth feeling so dry, he cleared his throat "I love you more than anyone"

Louis stopped, making William have to turn all the way around to face him.

"No you don't!" He accused hotly "You want, you love, you need her more than me!"

"Why would you think that?" William jumped to his feet "How can you say that?"  Now he was feeling stressed!

"I've seen you with her!" Louis exclaimed, hands waving all over the place "I've seen the way you kiss her!  You've never kissed me like that!"

"But..." 

"Just admit it Will!  You don't need me anymore!"

Now Louis was showing major signs of hysterics.  Eyes so wide, William could see the whites of them all the way around, shivering on the spot, a lone tear trickling down his cheek.

"I need you more than anyone!" William burst out, jumping to his feet and grabbing Louis' arms, shaking him "I love you a thousand times more than I will ever love anyone else!"

"Then why don't you treat me the same!" Louis whimpered, fixing his eyes of the purest blue onto the only ones in the world that exactly matched them "You say you love me!  But it's her you kiss, it's her you touch, it's her you write beautiful poems about!"

"Poems?" William stopped shaking him, frozen, completely lost.

"Nothing can come between you and I" Louis quoted, he looked in pain "Not even the gods above can separate the two of us!"

"Lou..." William shook his head slowly, he didn't blink, he didn't falter "That wasn't about Izzy.  That was about us"

William couldn't help but smile, Louis was so stupid sometimes, so sweet, so painfully innocent.

"What?" the shaking stopped, he was breathing heavily, but he was calming down.

"Louis" William wrapped his arms around his brother "You are my world and I need you more than anyone"

"Prove it" Louis' voice was muffled from where it was pressed again his bare chest "Show me how much you love me, how much you need me"

"How?" William would do anything to prove that to his twin, one hundred times over.

"Like you show her"

William gulped, feeling the moistness of his twins mouth against his skin.

"Lou?"

Louis withdrew from William, slowly and deliberately, he looked desperate.

"I need you!" Louis insisted clutching at his brothers arms "I need to know how much you love me!  I need to feel it!  Make me feel it!"

"Lou...I..." William's head was beginning to spin.

"What's the difference?" Louis asked wildly "Look up the definition!  All it is, is two people expressing what they feel for each other in a physical sense, the most intimate, deepest feeling you can experience.  Why can't I have that with you?"

"Lou" William took hold of his brothers face in both hands, trying to stop his angry looking mouth from talking by gently kissing it "We're not in a relationship.."

"I know!" Louis kissed him frantically "We're deeper than that!  You are my brother, my twin...you're part of me...you are me, and I..." He stopped "I want you to be my first..." tears of frustration and how passionate he felt about the situation shining brightly in his eyes, droplets clinging to his eyelashes.

William took a deep breath, easily lifting Louis into his arms, letting him wrap his legs around his waist, laying them both down on the bed, entangling their legs.  He really was seconds away from loosing his mind.  

"Calm down Boo" he whispered huskily, going into kiss him once more.  He understood every word that Louis had said, and what's more he agreed.  They were miles deeper than any relationship, and he would be lying if he wasn't wondering how good it would feel to experience that level of intimacy...but it wasn't right.  Louis wanted this because he was scared, because he was lonely, because he was worried that William was slipping away from him.  

Louis shouldn't loose that significant, precious, once in a lifefime experience because he was scared!  He needed to do this in his own time...with a clear head...so he'd have no regrets, no doubts"

Their kiss deepened, William felt his own heartbeat slow down the exact same time as he felt Louis' muscles loose the tension he was holding, his movements no longer stiff and rigid, but fluid and content.

"Not tonight Boo" he whispered against his mouth "I'm not going to prove how much I need you by taking your virginity...that's sacred...not something to give up because you're afraid"

"But I want it to be you"

William smiled gently, kissing each and every tear off his face.

"You'll thank me when it's not"

Their mouths found each others once again, William putting every single emotion he had into conveying how much love and need he had for his twin, praying with every fibre inside, that it would be enough to convince him.  He couldn't have felt more relieved when Louis didn't argue or press the request any further.

"Bear?" asked Louis, curled into his side as they drifted off to sleep.

William responded with a lazy kiss to his hair.

"I really meant what I said"

"I know" William whispered into the darkness "And I understand why.  I'm sorry I made you feel like that"

"Promise me you'll never leave me"

"Not even the God's above..." William yawned...falling asleep before he could even finish his sentence.  It took Louis a lot longer to fall asleep, who was watching his bear sleep, feeling his heart beat against his palm, just watching him breathe - beginning to feel a little safer than he had a few hours ago.

 

Time passed.

William made more of an effort not to exclude Louis from his life, and very gradually, Louis became friends with Izzy - which pleased William no end to see the two people he loved most in the world getting along...not that it would last very long...Izzy and William broke up.  

No one had seen it coming, one day they were fine, the next they were at each other's throats, two days later, Izzy dumped William by text, leaving him uncharacteristicly sobbing into his twins shoulder and swearing he was never going to fall in love again!  

Louis was a good brother.  He kept it a secret that he was over the moon with the outcome.  He was sick of pretending he liked her for his twins benefit!

 

The next major development in the twins relationship was the introduction of Louis' first boyfriend - Mark.

Louis and William hadn't long turned sixteen.  Exams were approaching - which was making Louis more stressed than ever, every other minute explaining how important it was for both of them to do well so that they could progress with the next part of their plan -  completing their GCSE's and getting good enough grades to move on to their A-levels.  If they passed them, they could get into university - together, which was the whole point of their plan.  There were some days when William wanted to kill Louis for being so damn anal about it - so instead of doing something he would instantly regret, William started to hatch a little plan of his own...find Louis a distraction...get him a boyfriend!

It was easier than he'd imagined.  Every day, when they walked home through the park (Louis usually yapping on about an essay they had to write, quizzing William on what he had learnt in science or what kind of accommodation they were going to get when they moved away for university), William always saw the same guy, casually walking his dog across the grass, watching Louis.

William thought about pointing him out to his brother, after all, he was good looking.  He looked like he could be a nice guy.  By the time he decided to mention it though, he and Louis were nearly at home and the boy was long gone.

Next time, William promised himself.  Next time he would say something.

Next time he did.

All in all, the first exchange went really well.  With William's considerable input, he got the two lads to talk, gave Mark Louis' number, and endured Louis talking his ear off on the way home, worrying if he would actually contact him.  William swore later that his ear drums nearly broke after hearing Louis' high pitched yelp as he got a text minutes after the exchange inviting him on a date.  But all in all, William couldn't have been happier - making Louis' world a better place was the most satisfying feeling in the world - even better than having a wank in the shower!

Louis by far, handled having a boyfriend much better than William had dealt with his first girlfriend - he had obviously learnt from the mistakes William had experienced, fully involving William into doing things with them whenever it was appropriate - which was often, Mark had a lot of friends and couldn't wait to share them with his new boyfriend.  At those times, William was always made welcome.

What William wasn't prepared for, was the feelings of jealousy.  They didn't start for a good few months into Louis and Mark's relationship, and were so alien to William, that it took a lot of thought and soul searching to finally work out what they were.  But once he realised, instead of being able to pass them off and forget about them, the feelings just intensified and little by little, he began to notice lots of little things that might have passed him by in any other circumstance.

As much as he was responsible for Louis and Mark being together, and how happy he was that Louis had just...blossomed - being brighter, lighter, happier and more enthusiastic about everything.  It was so joyous to watch...and yet, William couldn't help but feel a twinge whenever he saw them hold hands, or cuddle or kiss.

The main truth was, William was no longer the only lad in Louis' life anymore - or rather, Louis' life no longer revolved around William....and as supportive as he was trying to be, it was getting harded and harder by the day.

 

"Will?  Which do I look better in?" Asked Louis, looking slightly frazzled as he held up shirt after shirt in the mirror, then chucking them on the floor as he discarded them "And do my jeans look ok?" He strutted in front of William, who was leaning against the headboard on his bed, doing a bit of recreational creative writing.

William looked up, chewing on his pen and frowning "You look great" he muttered "What's the big deal?"

Louis ignored him, dousing himself in deodorant and then finally deciding on a brand new blue and white striped t-shirt, navy blue braces and...why was he changing his boxers?  Oh...OH!!

The realisation hit William so hard that he began to cough uncontrollably.

"What's wrong with you?" asked Louis, eyes crinkling from amusement as he banged his twin on the back and handed him some water.

"Nothing!" William spluttered, feeling like he could barely breathe "What are you doing Lou?"

His twin was now poking about with his waist band.

"Do I look fat in these?"

"You want to have sex tonight don't you?" William blurted out in a rush.  Why was it so hot in here?  It was boiling, and so little air!  He could barely breathe it was so stifling!

The blush that tinged at Louis' cheeks spoke volumes.

"Well, it is our six month anniversary" he smiled fondly "I wanted it to be special" his blissful expression changed into a frown as he looked at himself critically in the mirror again "why does everything I own make me look shit?"

William was at the window, sucking in the cold air and trying to look....normal.

"You look great Boo" William tried to reassure him, swallowing hard.  What was wrong with him!

Louis didn't seem to notice.  He got dressed, whilst constantly checking his watch, no doubt waiting for Mark to come and get him.

"So?  Finale verdict?" Louis asked, striking a pose by the door as his phone buzzed, signalling Mark's arrival.

William held his arms out, smiling weakly as Louis ran into them, squeezing him right and then giving him a quick kiss.

"Don't wait up!" He called out behind him, leaving William sitting on the window ledge, the words Louis had once said to him, rolling adound in his head "I want you to be my first"

Clearly he'd changed his mind!

The realisation shocked William to the core.  Why the fuck had he turned his twin down?! 

Looking out of the window again, William watched as Louis ran straight into Mark's outstretched arms, his teeth grinding together as he watched them slowly kiss.  He didn't like it.

Mark no longer looked nice and handsome, he looked like a giant black spider, wrapping it's spindly legs around a particularly juicy fly.  A poor innocent, helpless little fly trapped in it's web.  This was actually going to happen, Louis wouldn't be innocent and untouched any longer, he'd be tainted, spoilt...Mark had no right to touch Louis!  No right!  His blood boiled!

A loud crunching smash echoed in his ears, the same time as he felt a hot, wet, painful sensation in his right hand and wrist.

Louis was no longer attached to Mark, he was running back to the house.

Why was he? Oh! He looked at his clenched fist in amazement...covered in blood... Shards of glass poking though the skin...he'd got so angry he'd actually punched his fist through the window!  He hadn't even realised!

"Will!  What the fuck happened?" gasped Louis rushing into their bedroom looking absolutely horrified "Fuck look at your hand!"

"Everything ok?" Mark was hovering in the door way, frowning at the scene.  William wondered if he could tell what he was thinking...he just looked like the kind of guy who would think too much...read too much into things.

"Get me some tweezers" Louis instructed Mark, not looking up from William's hand, "a bowl of hot water and the first aid box"

"Sure thing baby" Mark ruffled Louis' hair and kissed his temple, walking from the room with an easy stride.

"What the hell were you doing punching the window pane?" Louis asked, his eyes flickering between examining the broken skin and William's face, his own fingers smeared with traces of his twins blood.

William looked desperately around the room for an excuse, any excuse!

"You left your phone" he muttered seeing his own mobile lying on the bed "Was trying to get your attention"

"That's not Lou's phone" Mark stated returning with all the things Louis had asked him to get "His is black"

Louis' eyes followed to where his boyfriend was looking, his brow creasing with thought, subtly tapping his pocket with his elbow "Yeah" he muttered, sounding far away "Uh love?" He turned to Mark "Can you get me a towel?"

Mark nodded agreeably and left Louis to get to work, extracting the fine shards of glass with the tweezers.

"You're such a dick" Louis grumbled as he worked "I know what you're fucking doing!" he looked pissed "You...ugh" he shook his head muttering something about William being a 'cock block'

Thry sat in silence, Mark came back with the towel, sitting next to Louis, holding a bag for Louis to discard the shards into, then watching as Louis delicately cleaned the wounds and scratches, applying an antiseptic cream, then bandaging him up. William didn't watch them leave this time.  He lay back on his bed, stretching his injured hand towards the ceiling, even now he couldn't feel a thing.  He actually felt nothing, and that was what he thought about as he lay there, waiting for his twin to come home, about how he was feeling nothing.

"How was it?" William asked emotionlessly, not removing his eyes from the darkness above him, the ceiling had disappeared hours ago when night had fallen.

He felt Louis lie down besides him, an arm snaked over his stomach, a warm cheek nuzzled between his shoulder and his neck.

"Why does no one want me?" 

Thoughts of nothing abruptly turned into something.  Thankfulness, elation, happiness.  It hadn't happened, his Louis was still innocent.  He smiled on the inside, kept his face frozen and passive where Louis could see it.

"It will happen for you Boo" he promised, knowing for certain that it would "No point wishing your life away"

"But Mark wants to wait!  Why does he want to wait?  Am I that disgusting?  Am I that pathetic?  Why is he still with me if he doesn't want to fuck me?"

"If you want to fuck him you dont love him enough to be with" William stated, wishing that Louis would stop shaking.  He was too perfect to be this insecure.

"I do love him!" Louis insisted digging his nails into his brothers hip.

William shuffled down the bed to properly be in his twins arms, nose to nose, cheek to cheek, finding his mouth, making the most of tasting his lips and tongue.

"Then wait for him" he breathed "Love him, understand him, and wait for him"

"I don't know what I'd do without you" Louis whispered, enjoying the comfort that his brothers lips provided "I feel sorry for the people who don't have a William in their life.  What if I had been born alone?  I would only be half of me"

"I'd be half a heart without you" William mused "You really are me.  You're my life Lou.  You're my voice.  You are my reason to be"

"I feel the same" was all Louis could think of to reply, and he really meant it.  He never wanted to live a single day without being with William, and as long as he was willing to wait for Mark - who he did love and care about, he couldn't say the same for him...

 

It was amazing how time just passed when you weren't consciously thinking about it.  Louis and William finished school, started and completed their A-levels.  The plan was progressing with flying colours, Louis and William were closer and happier than ever, getting more and more excited about the next step in their lives, planning everything down to the smallest detail.

Mark was still around, seemingly more and more infatuated with Louis with every day that passed, and less accepting of William.  Louis didn't notice (or pretended not to), William didn't give a shit.  He knew his worth, he was secure of his position in Louis' life.  If anyone was to feel threatened it was Mark.  Louis may love Mark, but it would be him who would be replaced...and both Mark and William knew it!

 

William was convinced he and Louis were invincible.  As far as he was concerned, the world could stop spinning, the sun could explode, the moon could fall out of the solar system, and the only thing that would survive would be their love for each other...but then something happened that William couldn't begin to imagine...Louis stopped loving him...and the perfect life that William was living was hacked to death before his very eyes... 

 

 


	31. Chapter 31

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I should probably say that this chapter turned a little darker than I was expecting it to, so if you are easily triggered, or have a sweet and sensitive nature, please proceed with caution - however, remember that this is a flashback, and we all know that they are ok! :):)

As evenings went, William was having a fantastic time at his leavers ball.  To be completely honest, he had been expecting it to be shit, and for a while, he had been planning to blow the whole thing off - but Louis had been so excited about it - full of chat about how they were finishing one chapter and this would be the best possible goodbye - William couldn't bring himself to disappoint him.

Years after the event, William would stare at the pictures on his phone, wishing that he hadn't taken their last precious moments together for granted, wishing that he could have paid more attention to the sound of his laugh, counted the little smiley crinkles around his eyes....the list of all the things he 'coulda, woulda, shoulda' was endless.  The amount of scenarios he created in his mind that could have changed the end of the night was even longer...but now it was too late...if he believed in fate...fate was a fucking bitch!

Even worse...he was fates bitch....

The evening was going really well.  Amber was beautiful, Louis was happy, Mark was...there...well, William couldn't have everything he wanted!

He could remember it all so intricately, as though it had only happened minutes ago instead of years.

William had been walking to the bathroom, he had a bounce in his stride as he moved along to the pleasant bass of the track playing.  

"Lou?" the smile vanished from his face as he spotted his twin huddled against the wall on the floor, shaking, crying.

"Where's Mark?" He asked, holding the back of his head, coaxing it backwards so he could see his face.  He almost wished he hadn't, seeing his beautiful brother in this kind of state was something that repeatedly killed him over and over.  Helping him to his feet, there was no way he could have stood unaided.  He repeated the question, Louis hadn't heard it the first time around...or had he?  At the mention of Mark's name, Louis just burst into uncontrollable tears.

"Fuck" William swore under his breath, looking around to see if there were any bystanders "Come on bro.  Let's go upstairs and have a little chat"

He took Louis straight to the room that he had booked for him and Mark that evening.  It was part of what Louis had been so excited about - Mark had finally told Louis he was ready to take the next step in their relationship...he must have been thinking about that as they entered the room, because just being in there made Louis cry even harder, the strain of what he was thinking about, making it impossible for him to even stand, sinking to the floor, leaning against the bed, falling completely apart in front of William's eyes. 

Sitting in front of Louis, trying to look as non threatening as possible, William started with the questions.

"What's happened?" He demanded, desperate to know "Where's Mark?"

It took ages for Louis to get it out, mixed with the incoherent stuttering, whimpering, sobbing and coughing, he recounted the whole sorry event that had happened with Mark, each struggled word clenching William's chest tighter and tighter.  At first he had just been concerned - and when it came to Louis, that was enough, but the more he heard, the more painful Louis sounded, the weight of his words shocked him into feeling the most bitter, foul tasting anger that he'd ever experienced to date.  How dare Mark say these things!  How dare Mark think that he was so important that he thought he was allowed to just take Louis away from him!  He wanted to charge at the lad, knock him to the ground and stomp all over his disgusting, swallown head!

And that was before Louis managed to tell him that Mark had physically hurt him!

Never, had, William, had, the, urge, to, kill!

"That fucking little shit!" He growled, only able to express a thousandth of what he was feeling, feeling so mentally removed from his mind and body, that he could actually see an acid green venom surging through his veins, quivering with fury, jumping to his feet.  There was no way he was going to let some little fucker touch his twin - he could barely see Louis at this point, the instinct to protect, defend and fight for Louis' honor was blinding him!  

"How dare he lay a finger on you!"

Was this even his voice?  Did that hiss of poison actually came out of his mouth?

"Where the fuck is he?  I'm going to pound his face into the fucking wall!"

To start with!

Louis was grabbing for him as he strided towards the door.  He was going to hunt that animal down!

"No!"

It was the only sound that could break the barrier that William had surrounded himself in - the urgent, painfully distraught voice of his twin.

"Will don't!" Louis begged desperately scrabbling for his arm that couldn't keep still "Please don't hurt him!"

William wanted to listen, he wanted to do what Louis was asking, but he couldn't.  He was so angry.  Mark was a deciteful, good for nothing piece of slime, and Willam had put up with his bullshit long enough!  Louis did not deserve any of this!  He should be treated like a prince!  Not a fucking pet!

His fist closed around the door handle.

He didn't even get to turn it.  Louis' arms were suddenly wrapped around his middle, pulling him backwards with all the strength he could muster, dragging him to the bed.  With one last strength sapping heave, Louis fell backwards onto the soft mattress, bringing William down with him, wrestling to straddle his narrow hips, urgently kissing every inch of his face.

It was so distracting.  With Louis' lips on his own, William struggled to remember what he was meant to be doing - why he felt so out of control and unsettled.

"Don't leave me" Louis was tearfully begging him "I need you now!  Don't go to him...you'll get into trouble...I don't want him to hurt you!"

William's hands shook violently as he gave into Louis' peristant mouth, his tongue was most definitely the more dominant of the pair, but Louis was one hundred per cent in control.  He needed to take control, William was angry and unrestrained he could cause a lot of damage.  Louis needed to subdue those feelings.

Fully wrapped up in each other's arms, gripping each other so tightly it was like they had merged into one.  Black and white, dark and light, pain and pleasure - feeling as they were no longer two seperate brothers who shared the same looks.  Right there and then, their hearts were the same, their fears were the same, their minds on the same one track.  This was the time, if ever they needed each other, the time was now.

"I don't know what to do" William breathed hoarsly, watching as his twin unbuckled his belt and stripped it from his trousers, the black fabric dropping to his ankles, before he stepped out of them completely and started to unbutton his shirt.

"Me neither" Louis didn't look shy or embarrassed "But it's different with us" he murmured "Please bear, I need to feel how much you love me!  I need to be loved, I can't let this night be about...."

It was then that William lost the ability to think.  There were too many fresh new sensations to concentrate on, how Louis' mouth worked against his, moist lips, silky tongue, the sharp nip of his teeth into his tender lip.  He felt the warmth of their love, desperate, yearning for something more, deep, intimate, comfort.  It was just them, just him and his twin, and it felt right...so right, and so good, William could die right now and not have one single regret about how he had spent his last moments - pressing deeper and deeper into his Louis.

It wasn't even sex.  It should have been.  It would have been seen to have been, but it wasn't - even though he was hard, pushed right inside Louis' sacred most intimate place, it didnt feel like it.  Louis squirmed slightly beneath him, not used to the intrusion, his muscles spasamed, clenching, constricting, relaxing.  Neither boy moved.  William felt no need to buck his hips, or thrust deeper, this was what he wanted, this was what he needed, to be so far inside his twin, his legs tightly squeezing around his hips, his arms wrapped around his neck.  They kissed slowly, both almost dizzy, feeling higher than any drug induced high, they were finally one with each other and it was euphoric.

"I love you" Louis stuttered, his muscles fluttering around William, tangling his fingers lovingly in his hair "I love you so much"

"I lov...." William began to say, tenderly kissing Louis' forehead.

 

Out of nowhere, a white hot pain errupted in his scalp!  Underneath him Louis screamed.  William tried desperately to keep a hold of his twin, but he was lurched away, flying through the air, his whole body crashing into the wall and falling to the ground with a thump.

Everything was going dark, his head swam, pockets of agony erupted all over his body, caused by thick cruel lightning bolts, striking him over and over.

Louis, where was Louis!  He could hear him, far away, the definition of pain and agony!  He needed to save him!  Protect him from the force that had brought him down.

"William! Help me!"

Louis' voice brought William sharply into focus, a low moan emitting from his mouth as he painfully tried to fight through the nauseous cloud that was choking him, clawing at him, pushing him to the ground.  He had to save his brother.

"Noooo!"

William's eyes snapped open.  He was lying on the floor, looking upwards he saw Mark, looking evil in the partial light, standing over Louis who was cowering against the headboard.  There was the flash of a hand strike down, Louis yelled in agony, clutching at his face.

Red.  All William could see was red.

The snarl from within him echoed around the small room as William lept to his feet, his instinct to protect and fight for his twin never being stronger.

Mark was nothing, even though he looked like a monster, kicking, slapping, his hands tight around his brothers neck, squeezing, choking.

"You disgusting, vile little snake!" He was spitting as he squeezed "Incestuous cheating, fucking, whore! How long have you been fucking your brother behind my back!"

"Get your fucking hands off him!" William exploded, charging at him, rugby tackling the taller lad to the floor with a thump "You! Do! Not! Touch! My! Brother!"

Each word was punctuated with a blow of his fist to somewhere on Mark's body, not giving a shit about where they landed, just that they hurt him as he had hurt Louis!

Mark didn't struggle to get away or shrink back from William's fists of fury.  He laughed mockingly, not really concentrating on William, but had his eyes firmly set on Louis.  Even when he managed to get the upper hand, punching William in the gut, taking his legs out with a couple of well aimed kicks.

William was already quite weak.  The initial kicks and punches Mark had already bestowed on him when he and Louis were discovered, had knocked him for six, it was with a lazy kick between his legs that was enough to put him completely off his stride, curling up into a ball, groaning loudly.

"Go to him" Mark instructed Louis who was shivering upon the pillows, scared little eyes fixed upon his twin, feeling each and every blow.  He and William were one, what got done to William, hurt him too.

Stumbling on fawn like legs, he scrambled over to his twin, desperate to touch him, hold him, shield him.

"Not so fast"

He was almost at William's side when Mark grabbed him by the arms, holding him fast, making him kneel almost inches away from his brother, whimpering hopelessly.

Mark jerked Louis' arms backwards, positioning himself behind the boy so that his head was lolling on his shoulder.  In one swift motion, he clamped one arm tightly around his chest, squeezing his free hand over his jaw.

"Look at him!" Mark hissed in his ear "Look what you did to your twin Lou" he lowered his voice, his lips right against the shell of Louis' ear, both of them watching a dazed and confused William writhing naked on the floor "You did that!  You say you love him, but if you hadn't been such a dirty, disgusting little bitch Will wouldn't be looking like that would he?  Are you proud of yourself?" he broke off and pressed a kiss to Louis' cheek "Do you know what's going to happen next baby?" He asked, as caring as a python would be towards a mouse "You are going to have to face the consequences of your actions!"

He laughed at the confused look on Louis' frightened face.

"You must have known what you two were doing is illegal" he glowered "You must know that I have to report you for this!"

A shocked yelp emitted from Louis' mouth.

"Let me explain baby" Mark grinned evilly "When you fuck your brother its called incest.  It's disgusting, it's vile, it's unnatural and thanks to you...your poor little William is going to be taken away from you!  I have to tell on them Lou, it's my duty to tell everyone about the naughty little boys you've been, and naughty little boys get punished!"

"No!" Louis gasped out, struggling to get out of Mark's arms and get to William "Please Mark!  Please don't tell anyone!  Please!  Don't hurt Will!  It's not his fault! It's all mine!"

"What's it worth baby?" Mark crooned into his ear, forcing him to kneel high on his knees, back arched, head thrown back "After all, have you any idea how humiliating this is going to be for me?"

"I'll do anything!" Louis sobbed, tears streaming down his face "Please don't hurt him, please don't get him into trouble! Please Mark!  I'll do anything!"

Mark's hand grabbed Louis' balls in one hand, laughing as Louis yelled out, spitefully twisting them.

"Anything?"

"Anything!" Louis cried desperately, almost paralysed by the pain Mark's clenched fist was creating "Just please don't say anything to anyone!  Don't hurt William, please!"

"Good boy"

Mark loosened his grip, gently patting the area where he had inflicted the most discomfort and dragging Louis to his feet, making sure to give William a swift kick to the stomach to keep him down, smiling triumphantly when the boy made no move to get up.

"In that case baby, get on the fucking bed and spread those sexy little legs of yours!" Mark paused to kiss Louis' whimpering mouth "I'm going to fuck you, and your revolting little bitch of a brother is going to watch!"

"Nnn no!" William could barely move, every limb in his body was on fire, heavy as lead, no longer listening to the vague, hazy commands he was trying so hard to give them "B..boo..no!"

This couldn't happen, Mark couldn't do this to Louis!  William didn't care if Mark kicked him to death, just as long as Louis remained unhurt, untouched...Mark couldn't take this away from him!

William watched on helplessly as Louis swallowed hard and shakily nodded his head slowly.  That was the moment.  One second he could see his Louis, broken and exposed in those sky blue eyes of his, the next he was gone...his Louis had gone...retreated so far inside himself that he could no longer see him...he'd given up.

Breathing laboured, his head pounding, William watched as Louis slowly lay down on the bed, spreading his legs just like Mark had requested.  The tears had stopped, his face was blank...passive...free of all emotion.  William squeezed his eyes shut.  He didn't want to watch this!  He wanted to fight!  He had to save Louis!

"Such a good boy" Mark crooned once more, stripping off his trousers and boxers , stroking himself as he approached the bed "Such a sexy baby aren't you"

Louis said nothing, just opened his legs a fraction wider, as Mark bared down on him.

"Noo!" William choked out desperately, his heart pounding in his ears "Do..n't!"

It all happened so fast William thought he had passed out and he'd imagined it.  Mark was hovering over Louis, positioning himself to push in, when Louis threw his body upwards.  There was a sickening crunch as his head collided with Mark's jaw, Mark stumbled backwards, disoriented and stunned.  Quick as a whip, Louis kicked out, booting him squarely in the stomach, grabbing his hair in both hands, putting all his energy into slamming it into the wall.

Mark didn't even have time to shout or even grunt, sliding unconscious to the floor.

Louis gaped, overwhelmed and shocked at what he'd just done, before falling to his knees next to William, helping him up into sitting position.  He didn't even open his mouth to speak before William had his cheeks clasped tightly into both his hands.

"Lou you need to leave now!" just feeling his twin next to him, was bringing strength and determination to his limbs.  Getting to his feet, he paused to survey Mark's unconscious body, his fingers gripping Louis' arm so tightly.  Swiftly his eyes searched the room, landing finally on Louis' overnight bag in the corner.  Louis was ok.  William was feeling better by the minute.  

"You were never here ok Lou" he told his brother firmly, beginning to dress his frozen brother in the clothes he had brought to wear the next day - loose sweatshirt, baggy shorts, trainers "This never happened"  he pressed both his hands to Louis' cheeks once more, pulling his gaze towards him, instead of the limp body on the floor that his twin was staring wide eyed at "You need to go home.  Get into bed.  Stay there.  Switch your phone off, don't talk to mum.  I'll come as soon as I can"

"What are you going to do?" Louis whispered, suddenly feeling so afraid.  He could barely see William's face from the sticky red that clung to his eyebrows and ran in tracks down his face.  What had he done?  What had he caused.

William pressed his lips into a firm, decisive line.

"I'm going to make sure he doesn't talk" he replied, sounding colder and harder than Louis had ever heard him.

Louis just looked lost.  Too many thoughts.  Too many feelings.  It was too much!  He'd been so bad!  He'd been such a bad boy!

"Louis!  Get out of here!" William urged, seeing Mark twitch on the floor as he buttoned the final fastenings of his shirt "I won't let him hurt you" he promised, he would have held him, but Louis needed to get home.  Once he was home, he would be safe.  William wasn't leaving that room until he was one hundred per cent sure that Louis would be safe.

Face blank, eyes dead, Louis nodded quickly, before fleeing out of the door - running away from the room, away from Mark, away from William, wishing that he could run away from his disturbed, guilty conscious that was insisting on following him, reminding him with every pounding footstep on the concrete of the consequences of his actions, and what a bad boy he was....and how much he'd hurt William! It was all his fault!

 

Back in the room.  William sat on the edge of the bed.  Staring at Mark.  Waiting for him to wake up.  He was stronger now.  Louis was safe.  William was certain, that he would only be leaving, once he was absolutely sure that Mark was not going to talk.  

He would make sure of it!

 

*Flashforward five years*

A blast of unwelcome, overwhelming, mind imploding images and memories, machine gunned into Louis' mind as William's lips crushed against his.

So familiar, so bittersweet, so painful.  But he couldn't help himself - he kissed William back - he was so confused, was he actually here?  Was William actually here?  Did all that really happen or was his head being crazy and making him imagine all that?  All he knew was that kissing William made him feel safe, and loved and conforted.

Their lips were still attached to each other as the door opened.  Louis heard it.  He heard it above the moans of relief that William was making, he heard footsteps, he heard the loudest gasp.

Eyes flickering open, he found them drawn to the door.

Huge jade green eyes glittering with tears swamped his vision....

 


	32. Chapter 32

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Advance warning! Long chapter!

Jade green eyes.  The most beautiful dazzling eyes in the world.  Staring at him.  Louis' stomach clenched in horror.  This was it.  He was done for.  This was the ending he'd been dreading.

"Lou?"

Something was gently caressing his cheek.  A thumb.  William's thumb was caressing his cheek as...wait...

Louis' mind slammed sharply into focus.  He blinked and stared.  There was nothing where he'd been looking, just a door that was tightly shut.  No Harry.  No beautiful tearful green eyes.  Nothing.  He'd just imagined it...everything was fine.

"Lou?"

Everything was not fine!

"Get off me!" Louis snapped, shoving William as hard as he could, scowling at his twin and scratching at his bottom lip...it was still tingling.  He hated it.  He hated William "Don't fucking touch me!"

William held his hands up in a quiet surrender, backing off completely and sitting down on the other side of the room eyeing his brother with caution.  Louis' eyes narrowed.  He didn't trust his twin in the slightest.

"Are you ok?" William asked carefully, cocking his head to the side, analysing, surveying....looking for weakness no doubt.

"Get me Harry" Louis said coldly crossing his arms over his chest in the attempt to look commanding "Keep your fucking distance and get Harry"

"I thought you wanted me to stay away from Harry?" William asked casually, examining his nails with a small smirk on his face "Change your mind Boo?"

"Do. Not. Call. Me. That!" each word was as friendly as a razor blade was to the skin.

William shrugged "Your call" he sounded bored "You're not very consistant are you?"

Louis fought back a laugh "I consistently hate you" he wordered if he looked as intimidating as he hoped, drawing himself to his full height.

A look of amusement twitched on William's mouth.

"Wow" he muttered mockingly "You are such a child.  I don't know how Harry puts up with you"

"Leave Harry out of this!" There was no way Louis was going to stand there and let his brother list all the reasons why he didn't deserve Harry - he had already exhausted the list and didn't need any new ideas planted in his head.

"Why?" William asked scornfully "Stay away from Harry!" He mimicked unkindly "Where's Harry?  Get me Harry!  Kinda possessive ain't ya?"

"Fuck off!"

"Great comeback.  Got any more gems like that?"

"Shut up!"

"Guess not"

William pretended to yawn.  On the outside he looked and sounded bored and unruffled.  On the inside his heart was hammering and nerves were making his insides churn.  This was actually working, Louis looked furious!

"Remind me Lewis (that always pissed Louis off) why do you hate me again?  Can you actually remember?"

If one was to look up the definition of incredulous in the dictionary there would be a photo of the expression on Louis' face.

"Seriously?" he asked in his most sneering tone "You are such a dick!"

"Can't be too much of a dick" William pointed out "You love a good dick!"

Louis' mouth fell open in astonishment.  William bit back a smirk.  He did look cute when he was angry, kind of like a puffed up hamster!

"Is this why you came here tonight?" Louis asked wildly flinging his arms in the air "You're not content with ruining my life?  You wanted to ruin my birthday party too?"

"Oh it's all about you isn't it!" Exclaimed William getting up and walking over to Louis "It's finally all about you!  Your birthday!  Your party!  Your boyfriend!  Do you ever think of anyone apart from yourself?"

William had to admit he had no idea where he was going with this.  He was just flinging insults around now to provoke a reaction.  Louis was the least selfish person he knew.

"If I was that selfish I wouldn't have agreed to you being here!" Louis spat, stepping away from William who was still slowly approaching him "If it wasn't so important to mum and Harry then I wouldn't have agreed!  I didn't want you here!  I never wanted to see you again!  We may share the same DNA, we may look the same but that's it...after tonight, you're dead to me!"

William's hand shit straight up to his chest, pressing his palm directly over his heart, trying to prevent the knife Louis was twisting from going any deeper.

"How?" William demanded "How can you hate me this much!  What did I do to you?  Fucking tell me Lou!  Because I have no idea!  All I ever did was love you!"

"Love me?  You call that love?" Louis head was twitching, eyes bugging out of his head "You ruined my fucking life!"

"How!" William strode the remaining three strides that lay between the twins, grabbing his arms and shaking him "I loved you, I stood up for you, I protected you!  I did all that every single day since we were born!  All I wanted was for you to be....all I thought about, was you being happy!"

"Oh really?" Louis was looking so spiteful, narrowed eyes, flared nostrils, cruel mouth.

"Were you thinking about my happiness when you alienated my friends from me?  Did you think about my happiness when you beat up my boyfriend and made him leave me?  Did you think about my happiness when you molested me?"

The retorts William had set up in his mind died before he'd properly been able to think about them.  Stunned.  Stunned wasn't a powerful enough word to describe what he was feeling.  Neither was shocked or astounded.  Had he actually heard that correctly?  He couldn't have!

"Molested?"  It was such a dirty, disgusting, foul word with an even more revolting meaning...and Louis just accused William of doing that to him?  He hadn't!  He would have never!  Ever!

"Lou...I...never..." William felt so sick...dizzy...his brain wasn't working.

"Lou I never did anything that you didn't want" he murmured "You know that!"

Louis didn't even look guilty about the lies that were pouring out of his mouth.

"I never wanted it!" He snapped harshly "I was a child!  I didn't know what it meant! I didn't know that what you were doing was grooming and brainwashing me!  You made sure that I had no one else so all I relied upon was you!  Only it backfired didn't it?  Because Mark said too much and exposed you for the disgusting, vile creature who took my childhood and innocence away from me!"

"You don't know what you're saying!" William pleaded "That wasn't what happened Louis!  You know me!  I would never do anything to hurt you!  Everything we did together, every kiss we shared...you kissed back!  You wanted me to!"

"I was scared of you!"

William could almost see Louis' sanity unravelling before his very eyes, this couldn't be happening! What kind of nightmare was he being shoved into?

"No you weren't" William managed to say, despite the dryness of his mouth making his tongue stick to the roof of it "No Louis...you know it wasnt like that!  You were scared after what happened with Mark...he said some horrible things to you and tried to get you to do something dreadful to keep his silence...and I know it must have been terrifying for you!  It was for me too, but you went the wrong way about handling it afterwards.  You shouldn't have pushed me away, you should have let me take care of you!  Just like I always have done!"

"You mean so you could rape me again?"

William gasped!  Angry tears exploded from his eyes.  His chest constricted.  He couldn't think!  He couldn't breathe! 

"No!" He shouted with all his might "No!  I didn't!" he groped forwards for Louis' hands "You begged me!" he gasped out "You lay in my arms and you begged me to make love to you!  And not just once!  You begged me!"

"Get your fucking hands off me!" Louis yelped, jumping back from William's outstretched hands "I was saving my first time for my boyfriend!  And you stole that from me!  You pinned me down and you...."

"Shut up!" William bellowed, but Louis carried on.

"If Mark hadn't have turned up and stopped you..."

"Mark assaulted you!" William's ears were ringing!  Never had he expected any of this out of all the options in the world "Mark made you scream he hurt you so badly!"

A souless expression wiped all humanity off Louis' face - his eyes and mouth completely still and calm, when he opened his mouth, he no longer sounded like Louis.  He sounded dead inside.

"Mark made me realise what a bad person I was" he said robotically "You made me a bad boy William.  You brainwashed me, you hurt me and you raped me.  Mark only did that to be kind - to show me what I didn't understand.  Mark saved me from you!"

"Louis please...listen to what you are saying!"

Every sharp intake of breath felt like it was about to be his last, tripping over his own feet to get to his twin.  He didn't mean these things!  He knew what wasn't what happened!  Why was he telling himself all this?  He couldn't possibly believe what he was saying!

"Get the fuck off me!" Louis shouted again, slapping William fully around the face, the echo of skin forcefully hitting skin vibrating around the small room.

William's skin burned where he could feel the sting, but it was way before that, when his defensive mechanism kicked in - his hand shooting out and punching Louis' jaw - power coming from every negative and terrifying feeling he had felt during those last few minutes.

Louis' face had been knocked sideways by the blow.  

"Lou!  I'm so...."

 

"Don't you fucking touch him!" Harry bellowed, seeming to appear from nowhere, and seizing William by the back of his shirt and yanking him away from where his twin was standing there crying, clutching his jaw in his hands.

"Baby what happened?" Harry asked frantically prising his little hand away from his face, then gaping at his inflamed jaw, worried as his smaller boyfriend buried himself under his arm.

"Harry!" William tried to plead, but was silenced with the icy expression on Harry's face as he slowly turned around to face him, at the same time scooping Louis up into his arms and cradling him against his chest.

"Get out" Harry told the boy angrily, clutching at Louis tightly.  He didn't mean to sound so fierce, and he certainly wasn't expecting to have to be that way towards his best friend William - but what else was he supposed to do when he walked in unannounced and not only found his baby crying, but because he had just seen his boyfriends brother punching him!  There were no instruction guides for this!

"Now is not a good time for talking" Harry continued, fighting the urge to worry about the deep, emotional turmoil going on within William's face "I saw what you did!" he hissed "I don't know why you did that, and right now I don't care.  You were meant to fix things with him, not make them worse!"

"Harry!" Louis whimpered into his neck.  

Harry's brow twitched with concern as he started making long, soothing strokes up and down his back.  His poor baby was fragile enough as it was, and he had learnt so much tonight that seemed to have knocked him over the edge.

"He's not right!" William hissed as quietly as possible to Harry "Something's wrong with him.  His head's all messed up, the things he was saying...his memory's all askew...Haz, you've got to believe me!  I didn't mean...."

"Not now!" Harry snapped "Right now I need to focus on Lou" his poor baby was still muttering incoherently in his ear, so quietly "Gonna get him back to the hotel and get him to bed" he hugged Louis' closer "We really fucked up" wasn't afraid to state aloud, somehow knowing that Louis wasn't listening to him "We should have told him first"

"Shoulda, woulda, coulda" William muttered, rubbing his cheek where Louis had slapped him.

"I'm really angry with you" Harry reminded him stiffly with a glare "You had better stay at Zayn's tonight...I'm not finished with you!"

 

It was easier than Harry expected to leave with Louis without being bothered.  The party was still in full swing and with the loud music and sweeping lights - Harry quickly hustled them both through the shadows, out of the building, and into a taxi outside.

Louis didn't talk on the way back to the hotel, staring blankly out of the window too wrapped up in his own thoughts to properly focus on the sounds of the traffic and the lights of the city around the car.

He barely noticed when the taxi stopped outside the hotel, or acknowledged Harry helping him out and walking him into the hotel.  Once they were safely in the lift, Harry picked up Louis in his arms again, carefully carrying him to their room.

After gently depositing him gently on the bed, Harry bustled around the room trying to act as though nothing was wrong, chattering about this and that as he changed out of his tight clothing into something more comfortable, and put in a quick call to room service to order some food for the pair of them, realising that Louis hadn't eaten anything substantial in hours.

"Do you want to change your clothes baby?" 

 "Hmm?" it was the first noise Louis had made in a while, and possibly only because it was coupled with his big green eyes, hovering intently in front of his own.

"Do you want to change your clothes baby?" Harry repeated kindly, glad that Louis was showing signs of paying attention to him.

Louis shook his head but was making grabby hands at Harry's shirt collar.  Crawling up the bed, Harry settled himself under the covers with his baby by his side. "Are you ok?" he asked "What can I do?  Do you want to talk about what happened with William?"

Under the covers, Louis began playing with the rings that adorned Harry's fingers.

"I hit him, he hit me back" sounding as empty as his eyes looked "Nothing to talk about"

Louis' fringe had fallen over his left eye, obscuring it from Harry's vision.  He wanted to brush it away with his fingers, but didn't want to remove his hands from where they were being played with.  Instead he closed the gap between them, and nosed it away.  As his nose grazed his forehead, Harry felt so guilty.  This was not the night he had spent so much time and effort planning - Louis was meant to be so happy right now that he would be bouncing off the walls - not so shocked that he could barely speak - and what was going to happen when he processed it?  How angry was Louis going to be with him for lying for such a long time?  About such a delicate subject.

Harry was very surprised when Louis snuck the smallest of kisses to the corner of his mouth, as he nosed at his hair.  Louis really was his baby, he was so....precious to him...

"Harry?" Louis asked finally, getting more comfortable with his legs around Harry's "Can we get this over with?  What's going on with you and my brother?"

Harry let out the deep breath he'd been holding with a whoosh!  

There were times in his life when he got nervous - performing live on a really big tv show or in front of a huge audience, Knowing that his family were in the crowd...but this was a different type of nerves.  If he sang a wrong note - he would feel like crap, but he could recover from it.  If he tripped over his feet whilst he was acting silly on stage, his family would still love him.

But would Louis still love him and want him after saying all he had to say?  

"Where do you want me to start?" he asked not being able to resist dotting two barely there kisses on his cheek bone.

"Well" Louis closed his eyes, basking in the intimate affection Harry bestowed on him "Who did you meet first?  Me or Will?"

"Will"

Both boys were looking directly into each other's eyes - Louis wanted to see the truth and Harry wanted to give it.

"so it wasn't like I wasn't enough for you and you....went serching for my brother to see if he was any...better...than me?"

"no,no,no baby" Harry dragged Louis' hands up from under the covers, kissing each knuckle "That would have never happened"

"How long ago did you meet him?" Louis' voice was stiff, constricted, guarded.

"Almost a year before our first single came out" Harry answered "We met at a party...we became friends and...we..still are"

"Fuck" Louis swore quietly "so years then..." he leaned back a little, maybe the closeness of their faces was more intimidating than intimate.

"That's why it was so hard to tell you" Harry told him passionately "And Will didn't want...."

"You didn't meet me by chance did you?" it really did sound like a special part of Louis' life had been ruined by the revelation.

"If you had actually met me by accident then you would have said something!  You would say that you were my brothers friend!  We're identical twins Harry!  It's pretty difficult to not notice!"

Harry bit his lip "I went behind Will's back and came to find you" he admitted, his stomach squirming with discomfort "I saw a photo of both of you on his laptop" he recalled, watching Louis' blank face for any type of sign "I thought you were the most gorgeous lad I'd ever seen, and I couldn't get you out of my head!  It took me so long to come and find you because I was so worried you wouldn't like me!"

"Do you really mean that?" Louis asked shakily, a curious gleam of triumph in his eyes "You were already friends with him, and you still wanted me?" he frowned "Gorgeous?  You were friends already with my exact double...don't bullshit me Hazza!"

"I just knew that I was going to love you" Harry smiled at him, gaining the confidence to stroke his cheek with his finger "And honestly, I think you are so much better looking than your twin...it's not all about looks you know"

Very slowly, Louis slid a few inches away from Harry and wrapped his arms around his legs.

"That was the best day of my life" he whispered sadly, sounding a little tearful "And it's not even true.  You didn't meet me by dumb luck....I thought...you thought I was special"

Harry ignored the distance Louis had created between them, stretched out his arms and pulled him back into the middle of the bed "Baby, believe me!  Meeting you was the best day of my life" he insisted "I didn't just run into you.  I had to actually find you!  Do you have any idea how many times I walked past your shop because I was too nervous to come inside?"

Louis flopped onto his back, hiding his face in the crook of his arm.

"I don't understand this" he said sounding muffled and anxious "Harry.  Just tell me straight.  Do you actually want to be with me?  Or is this just some kind of game that William's put you up to?"

Harry grabbed each one of Louis' arms, pulling away from his face.

"I would never do that to you!" he said, never sounding more insistent in his life "Neither would William!  Babe, I know we lied to you about knowing each other, but I have never lied about what I feel for you"

Louis slipped back into his thoughts.  He didn't doubt what Harry was telling him.  Harry was so sweet and so honest - he wouldn't lie to him...again...

"If you're friends with my brother?" he said suddenly "Why don't you hate me?"

"William doesn't hate you baby" Harry sighed, rearranging their bodies again so that he was spooning Louis from behind "I've been wanting to tell you every since you first said that.  He misses you so much, and he really thinks so highly of you.  I promise you Lou, he would never do anything to hurt you.  I don't know what happened between you, but he is so so sorry Lou"

"Don't" Louis completely tensed up in his arms "Don't talk about him like that!  Don't talk about him like you know him!"

"But I do"

"You weren't meant to!" Louis suddenly burst out, rolling over to face Harry "You weren't meant to be friends with him!  You were meant to be just mine! You were meant to be on my side!"

"I will always be on your side" Harry assured his boyfriend, trying to get his arms around him and comfort him "Always!"

"But how when you're best friends with him too!"  Louis asked, starting to get a little more distressed "Who will you choose?  Your boyfriend?  Or your best friend?  The one you've known for years?  The one you've known for a few months!"  a thought suddenly struck him "Did you get with him too?" he asked, his mouth dropping open in horror "Please tell me nothing happened!  Please Haz!  Please don't...."

"Nothing happened!"  Harry was quick to interject "I promise.  I never saw him like that, and Will's straight!  You don't have to worry about that!"

"But who would you choose?"

Harry felt trapped.  How could he possibly answer that question diplomatically without hurting his emotional, delicate boyfriend...who was definitely suffering from an acute case of anxiety and self worth.

"I am the lucky one who doesn't have to choose" Harry shrugged, trying to sound casual "I love you both in completely different ways, and I would defend both of you.  But what you have between the two of you, is just that"

"So him then" Louis scowled and got out of bed "Thanks Haz!  That makes me feel amazing!" He grabbed his phone from the bookcase and started to stamp upstairs "I just want to be alone" he said unhappily as Harry tried to follow him "Please Haz"

Harry started to retreat, but changed his mind, running up the few stairs that Louis had made it up, picking him up in his arms and carrying him back to bed.

"You've been on your own way too long" he muttered, mainly thinking that if Louis could get up the stairs in this kind of state, he could also get out the door!

"Please don't leave me Lou" Harry couldn't put this across as strongly as he wanted "I need you!  I know I hid important things from you and I am so sorry, but you have to believe me, I never wanted to hurt you, please forgive me"

Louis looked confused, but didn't make a move to leave Harry's side.

"Im not angry with you" he finally said with a toss of his head "William shouldn't have hidden you from me.  It's his fault"

"Maybe he had his reasons"

"Maybe he was being selfish.  It's always all about him!"

"Maybe you two should sit down and talk about it"

"I didn't even want to see him tonight!" Louis exclaimed with frustration grabbing at his hair, as he always did when he felt cornered and under pressure "I don't want to see him again!  He's a bad person Harry!  He's a bad person who does bad things!"

"Shhhh" Harry tried to soothe, taking the hand that was in danger of pulling out a good chunk of Louis' lovely hair "Don't hurt yourself baby...what bad things does he do?"

"He...he..." Louis hiccuped, dry sobbing erratically "He'll take you away from me!  He always takes people away from me!"

"Shhhhh" Harry pulled Louis onto his lap once more, desperate to comfort him "William has no more power to take me away from you than anyone else does.  I have never been more serious about anyone in my life.  I love you,  I'm about to live with you!  I moved down to Devon so that I can live with you without changing your life.  Everything I do now, is to fit in with you because that's how much I want to be with you" he leant in to kiss him once more "I love you so much Louis, and I promise, we will sort everything out together.  But believe me..." And for this his tone changed slightly, firming under the weight of words that he knew Louis didn't want to hear "William is not your enemy baby.  He loves you so much and he misses you so much more than you can imagine.  So you have to tell me why he hit you, because the Will that I know would rather have sticks pierce through his eyeballs than have you come to any harm"

Louis gulped.  Hard.  He couldn't tell Harry.  He didnt want to lie to him, but this was the only thing that he couldn't talk to Harry about - which alone was torturous.

"I said something to him" he whispered "I told him why I hate him...why I can't forgive him"

"Why is that?"

Louis shook his head so hard it was making Harry dizzy.

"Ok, you don't have to tell me" Harry's voice was now as smooth as melted chocolate - deep, rich and irresistible "But...." his face radiated deep traumatic worry "Lou?  That is the only time he's hit you isn't it?  Please tell me he hasn't done it before?  You would tell me if he'd knocked you about wouldn't you?" Harry had no idea what he would do if Louis said yes!  That would be absolutely destroy his entire existence if...was this how Louis was feeling?  Had the revelations of the evening really done a lot of damage to his poor little mind?  After all, it was fine for Harry to tell him that everything was fine.  Harry had already known everything...for Louis...Harry tried to put himself in his boyfriends shoes...he didn't like it one little bit.

The relief Harry felt when Louis shook his head.  He honestly had no idea what he would have done otherwise.

"Who told you?" He asked instead, asking a question that had been rattling around in his head all evening.  It could have only been three people...and he wouldn't want to be in their shoes when he found out who the guilty party was!

"Nick and Zayn...they didn't tell me directly...I overhead them...I'm really sorry...I shouldn't have been listening"

"Don't you dare feel sorry!" Harry rushed to tell him "I'm sorry you found out like that!  This is all mine and William's fault Lou.  Not yours"

"Why do they call him Ed?" Louis asked suddenly as though he had just remembered that part "I don't understand..."

"That isn't my place to say babe" Harry replied sadly "William needs to tell you that on his own"

"Will I hate it?"

"Probably...its to do with William" Harry shrugged "You are very black and white when it comes to your twin"

"Only because I have to be" Louis murmured, so quietly it could have been Harry's imagination "We spent too much of our lives living in grey" 

Louis lay down on his back, staring up at the ceiling.  His mind was bubbling to the point it was almost boiling over.  Ok.  So Harry was friends with William - when you thought in terms of time, his twin actually had more claim over Harry than he did!  And he was probably friends with the rest of the boys...did his mum know?  Was she in on this too?  Did she know why people called William the new name of Ed?  It must have been a big reason...and Harry wasn't going to tell him...he would have to ask William...he didn't want to, but he had to know!

"Haz?"

Harry was laying on his side, leaning over Louis, always patiently waiting for him to speak.

"Yes baby?"

"I want to talk to William"

If Harry was trying not to look surprised, he was epically failing...

"When do you want to?" Harry asked "He's staying at Zayn's, so we could..."

So William was friends with Zayn too...pretty close if he was staying with him...

"Now" Louis decided firmly "I want to get all of this out of the way now"

Harry gulped and reached for his phone.

"I'll...ok...I'll call him now"

Still lying on the bed, Louis continued to stare upwards, wishing his heart would stop beating so fast and hoping that the revelations were almost over!

 

William arrived at the hotel in record time.  He had been so relieved when he'd received Harry's phone call - although he was incredibly anxious about what Louis wanted to talk to him about...

"How is he?" He asked Harry anxiously as Harry let him into the suite "Is he freaking out about everything?"

Harry smiled tiredly "He seems fine...I guess...I've told him about how long we've known each other, how we met...how I...went looking for him...I think he wants to talk to you about Ed..."

William nodded tightly.  Ok this was doable.

"And he's coping with it?"

Harry shrugged "The more information I gave him, the more lucid he became" 

"Where is he?" 

"Bedroom downstairs"

William nodded and moved to go and find his twin, but Harry stopped him.

"Louis asked me to stay up here because be wanted to talk to you privately" Harry told him sternly "But I'm still pissed at you for punching him...if you lay another finger on him...that's it for the two of us and I will hit you harder!  Got it?"

"Harry, I'm not going..."

"Got it?" Harry snapped glaring at him.

William nodded.  It was fair enough under the circumstances.

 

Louis was waiting for him.  Sitting cross legged on the pillows with a very passive expression.

"Where's Harry?" he asked stiffly, stating the tone for the upcoming conversation.

William sat down at the foot of the bed.

"He's staying upstairs.  You said you wanted us to talk in private"

Louis nodded, clearing his throat.

"So...we need to talk" Louis stated crisply "Firstly..."  he frowned, beckoning William closer to him "Come sit up here...I don't want us being overheard"

William said nothing, but scooted further up the bed until he too was sat cross legged inches away from his twin.  It was just like the old days...

"What are you doing?" He asked as Louis started patting down his chest and back, frowning in concentation.

"Are you wearing a wire?" 

"What?" William slapped Louis wandering hands away "Don't be thick!  Why would I do that?"

He shook his head...to think Harry had been convinced Louis was lucid...obviously he wasn't!

"I am not recording anything" he promised rolling his eyes and pulling up his shirt, exposing his smooth chest...with no wires or recording equipment.

Seemingly satisfied, Louis sat back.

"Why did you..." he lowered his voice to a whisper "Kiss me...earlier?"

William looked instantly guilty "I'm sorry Boo...it was just instinct I promise...you were acting all strange...you weren't responding to me.  I was just trying to calm you down...and that is the only trick I knew...I'm so sorry"

"Who's Ed?" Louis neither accepted or brushed off his first answer.

William shuffled uncomfortably.

"I am"

"Why?"

"It's...it's the name I use for work"

"What do you do?"

"I write"

"Write what?"

"Songs" William bit his lip.  The truth was finally coming out.

"Do I know any of them?"

"A couple" William nodded.  Should he admit to which ones?

"Don't tell me" Louis said quickly "Don't ruin them for me"

Good thing he hadn't!

"So...Harry, Nick and Zayn know about this then...who else knows?"

"Niall"

"And?"

"That's it"

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"You haven't exactly wanted to talk to me for the last few years Lou" William reminded him bluntly.  Louis paused to send him a murdeous look "I did it to protect you" he said finally "Waste of fucking time that was" he finished with a tut.

"Protect me from what?" Louis sneered "That makes no fucking sense!  I'm asking you for answers and you are just mucking about and lying to my face!  Again!"

"I'm not fucking lying to you!" William exclaimed raising his voice to match Louis' "You asked me a question and I'm trying to answer it!"

"By talking complete shit!" Louis almost shouted, automatically competing with William's volume.

 

"Hey!"

There was a thunder of footsteps and Harry appeared running down the stairs, almost tripping over his boots in his haste to diffuse the situation "I heard shouting!"

"Sorry Haz, we're fine" Louis promised, leaning over to kiss Harry's troubled mouth, who was eyeing William with furious caution "Were you listening?" He accused hesitantly.

"Only because you two started yelling" Harry huffed, feeling a little too overprotective "Shall I go back upstairs?" he asked Louis, who nodded.

"I appreciate the gesture" Louis made sure to tell him, giving him another small kiss and then watching as his boyfriend trudged back up to the living room.

"Where were we?" Louis asked, bordering on friendly as he tried to remember what they had been talking about.

"You were insulting my efforts to keep you safe" William told him, half helpful, half sarcastic.

"How is changing your name for work purposes going to protect me?" Louis asked incredulously 

William took a deep breath.

"For me to answer that, I need to ask you something..."

"I ask the questions!" Louis growled, but he kept his voice low.  He didn't want Harry storming in again to fight for his honor...no matter how sweet it was of him to try.

"Then I guess I won't tell you the answer"

William was now wearing a glare identical to Louis.  Luckily Louis crumbled first.

"Fine" he grumbled "Have it your way"

William took another deep breath.

"What you said earlier...did you really believe that?  Is that how you really remember things?"

"Does it matter?" asked Louis sharply but in a hushed tone.  Harry could not hear this!

"It matters more than anything!" William exclaimed in an outraged whisper "What happened between us was between us!  I had no idea that what we were doing was illegal, just the same as you didn't!  It was just what we did!  It was how we grew up!  You can't blame it all on me because some cunt accidently saw and tried to scare you to make himself feel better!" 

William was leaning so close to Louis that the latter could see the tiny blood vessels in the whites of his eyes, each minuscule prickle of stubble that was beginning to show on his chin and upper lip.

"How is this linked to you having a different name?" Louis was getting upset now, William's words hitting hard with each sylibol, nothing was making any sense.  Was it just his mind?  Was it just the situation? Why wouldn't all this just stay burried in the past where it belonged?  Why did Harry have to know William? Why, why, why?

"I wanted to keep you safe from Mark" William finally admitted.  It was the truth regardless of what Louis had told himself what had actually happened between them.  Deep down, William knew that Louis was aware of the truth.

"From Mark?  Why?  He sav..."

"Don't start with that shit again" William warned "Look.  I know what it's like out there.  What if I had become really successful and...well...famous?  Do you really think Mark wouldn't have used what he'd seen, or what I had done to him to bring me down?  To hurt you?  I couldn't risk it Lou!  He would have gone to the papers and ruined me...and scarred you in the process...and I couldn't let that happen!" He finished venomently "We both deserve to live our lives, and I would not be the cause of the press hunting you down...because of the choices that I made"

"Do you really think that?" Louis' face was draining of what little colour it held at an alarming speed "Mark wouldn't...."

"Yes he would!" William insisted "You saw how crazy he got!  He was going to...well...you were there, you knew what he was going to do...I might have beaten him until he promised not to say anything, but there was no guarantee that he wouldn't if the right sum of money was involved!"

Louis sat there, wordless, tears streaming down his cheeks.  His head full of the night he had been discovered doing something that he hadn't understood at the time was an illegal act.  He had been so scared.  Mark had hurt William...badly, and Louis would have never been able to live with himself if Mark had hurt him anymore than he had already.  He had made up his mind on the way home.  If he shut William out, if he stopped all contact with his twin...maybe William would be safe.  Maybe William would have a chance...he didn't hate his twin...it was the only thing Louis could do to keep his brother safe...safe from Mark...safe from whatever prosecution could come knocking on their door.

For years Louis had held his breath every time there was a knock on the door, or the phone rang.  He made up stories in his head, excuses, reasons, ways to explain why he no longer wanted to be in the same room as his brother.  If he didn't have to tell people about him then he didn't.  If people didn't know he had a twin, they couldn't talk about it.  It was a small world.  People were aquainted with the strangest group of people.  What if someone he worked with was friends with Mark?  They could mention him..."Do you know Louis?" They would ask.  "Does he have a twin?" Mark would reply "No he doesn't" the person would shrug.  Mark would have no need to say anything...it would obviously have been a different Louis.

Louis would rather die than have William come to any harm...die and have their secret die with him.

"Does Harry know?" he asked with a whimper, watching how William was twitching with discomfort, longing to pull Louis into his arms and comfort him like he always used to.

William shook his head "I promise you Boo" he whispered quietly, forgetting that Louis hated that name coming from his lips "I will never tell Harry a single word about that.  That is between you and I, and that is how it will stay.  I promise you.  I would never do that to you"

"I really love Harry" Louis whispered back, he could taste the salt of his tears on his tongue "He would leave me if he found out"

William took Louis' hands in his, hating how they shook under his touch.

"I will never say a word" he paused "I'm sorry I lied to you" he said sadly "Don't blame Harry.  It was all my fault.  I felt that if it came out somewhere that I was friends with Harry...the same thing would have happened...that's why I didn't tell you.  I didn't think that the sod would feel so strongly for you that he'd actually go out of his way to meet you!"

William managed a little smile.

"I'm really glad he did though.  He's an amazing lad Lou, and I know he loves you so much.  All I want for you is to be happy.  It's all I've ever wanted"

There was the sound of an exaggerated cough from upstairs.  Harry was understandably getting anxious.  

"I'd better go" William said finally, seeing how tired Louis was looking "You should get some sleep" he reached out a hand and touched the spot he'd punched only a few hours ago.  He was pleased that he hadn't made a mark "I'm sorry I punched you" he said guiltily "I should never have done that"

With no reply from Louis.  William decided to push his luck just one more time and leaned in to give Louis one last hug.  He doubted he would be seeing his twin for a very long time.  It wasn't reciprocated.

Louis watched emotionlessly as William began to climb the stairs.  There was part of him that wanted to thank William for everything he'd done for him, even though they had been so far apart...everything made sense...William had really just been trying to protect him. But he still felt the need to protect William too...in the only way he knew how.

"I love you" he wanted to call out "I want us to be friends again!  You me and Harry!  I want to forget all the bad stuff and start again!"

It would have made Louis happy.  It would have made William happy.  It would please Harry and make his mum so proud of him.

But instead....

"Will?"

William turned, a hopeful little expression on his face.

"What I said to you earlier"

William turned fully around and took one step towards Louis.

"I meant every word of it" Louis told him with the coldest tone and expression he could muster "And if you continue to hang around with Harry...I will tell him everything you did to me!"

Heartbreak.  Complete and utter heartbreak filled William's eyes.  He clutched at the banister, knees shaking as they threatened to buckle.  But Louis knew this was a good thing.  It was painful, so painful to see, because it was as painful for him to see the impact it had on William as much as William had felt to hear it.

But it had to be said.  They had to be kept apart, and Louis was the only one who was strong enough to do it.  If Louis didn't keep up this pretence, William would keep trying.  Keep wanting to find a way back to Louis.  Keep his friendship with Harry...and all the while, Mark was still out there.  No amount of beating would ever make him unsee what he saw.  Mark was still out in the world, living, breathing, remembering.  And it was all Louis' fault.  Their first proper kiss had been because of Louis!  Louis had begged William to make love to him- including the night that Mark had walked in and changed everything.  It was up to Louis to put things right - no matter how cruel Louis had to be to do it!

If William would just give up on Louis, William would be safe...he would understand in time...maybe he'd even be able to forgive him.  Maybe one day, Louis would be able to tell his twin what he'd done, why he'd done it...and how sorry he was...and finally tell him how grateful he was for how William tried to save him from Mark all those years ago...one of the biggest regrets that Louis had to carry with him every day.

The biggest question was though...even if William did understand and forgive him...would Louis ever be able to forgive himself?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much to everyone who left me comments and kudos on the last chapter! I love hearing your theories and opinions!  
> I have to admit, the next chapter won't be up for a while...I have some coursework I have seriously been neglecting and a couple of exams coming up, so for a few days I'm really going to need to knuckle down. I will be back as soon as possible though! Thank you once again for reading and I hope you liked it :):) take care! Love you all xxxx


	33. Chapter 33

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This may at first glance look like the chapter I put up yesterday - but it's been quite heavily enhanced - reloaded if you will. Thanks to Sassy Boo Bear for reminding me that none of you lovely people can read my thoughts!! Hope this is better now :) lots of love xxx

Numb.  William just felt numb.  And tired. So, so tired.  After the last words he'd heard from Louis - those nasty, painful lies - William had thought for a moment that he was going to loose the plot!  But something inside stopped him going ballistic - the same something that kept him going, kept him remembering to breathe in and out through each day as it came along - how well he knew his twin.  Louis didnt believe that...he just didn't understand why he would say it...

Without that much thought, William found a taxi to take him back to Zayn's realising by the unread texts on his phone of how he had just left the party as soon as he had received the call earlier from Harry...he hadn't said goodbye to anyone.

The flat was in darkness when he let himself quietly through the front door, but a delicious waft of pizza grabbed his attention, his stomach starting to rumble as though he hadn't eaten in days.

Snapping on the living room light, he dumped his phone and keys on a nearby table, whilst unbuttoning his shirt and wandering into the connecting kitchen, looking for the source of food that had his mouth salivating.

"Hiya"

William jumped violently at the unexpected voice, almost banging his head on a nearby cabinet.  

A sleepy, tousled head of a girl was looking over the back of the settee, blinking in the sudden brightness of the light.  He recognised her, it was the girl that gave him his birthday kiss.

"Sorry" William muttered and went back to the light switch, plunging the room into darkness once more "Didn't know you were sleeping" he thought about it "Why are you sleeping here?"

"Going shopping with Perrie tomorrow" the girl yawned, getting up "She said I could stay here for the night...is there any pizza left? I'm starving"

William turned the light on.  He'd got his shirt back on when the lights were off, but the girl...Amy?...still sniggered when she looked at him.  All the buttons were done up wrong.

"Don't say it!" He warned, wagging his finger at her.  She just had the look of someone who was going to make a crack about him getting dressed in the dark!

Amy smiled sweetly and pretended to zip her mouth up.

They ate over the counter, William tried to eat politely, but after watching Amy wolf down a whole slice in just a couple of bites he stopped all attempts of looking decent and just dived in.

"You can have my room if you want" he stated thickly through a mouthful of cheese and sauce "I'll take the settee" it wasn't like he was going to sleep well anyway.

"Nah it's ok, I don't mind" Amy insisted swallowing and looking around for a drink.

"No really, you should have the bed...it's the gentlemanly thing to do"

Amy cocked her head to the side, observing.

"Share it?" She asked "It's probably big enough"

William frowned.  Amy was one of Louis' friends.  One of Louis' friends who he had been warned to stay away from.

"Better not" he muttered "You don't know me"

"Even more reason then" Amy shrugged "I want to get to know Louis' mysterious identical twin that I knew nothing about until tonight"

William shook his head.

"I only want to talk to you" Amy said with a quiet laugh "I would obviously keep my hands to myself...you're not that good looking!"

"Don't tell Louis that" William cracked a small smile.  She was a nice girl.  Louis was lucky to have her as a friend.

"Well show me where it is then" Amy urged "I don't want to accidently walk in on Zayn and Perrie and try to get into bed with them!"

William laughed quietly and beckoned her to follow him.  Once inside, Amy dived straight under the covers.  William went to grab his overnight bag.

"Well now you're here, you might as well stay and chat for a while" Amy pointed out cheekily "It would be very un-gentlemanly to leave me alone in a strange room"

"But I am a strange boy" William shot back, but he rolled his eyes and sat down on the edge of the bed "What did you want to talk about?"

"Am I really that intimidating?" Amy asked with a chuckle at how William was sat as close to the edge of the bed without actually falling off "You can sit next to me you know...I don't bite!"

"No, but I don't think you could keep your paws to yourself" William told her, moving a fraction of an inch closer to her and rolling his eyes "I know how handsome I am!"

Amy lay down on her side and watched William, a thoughtful little smile on her face "You are so the opposite of Louis aren't you?" She asked.

William took the bait.  Rolling his eyes again, he moved properly onto the bed and lay down, mirror imaging her position by resting his cheek on his hands.

"How so?"

It was kind of sad how greedy he still was for information about his twin - wanting to know everything he could...just to feel closer to him.

"Well..." Amy frowned in concentration "For starters you definitely have more sass about you...I mean, Lou had piles of it...but only once you get to know him" she eyed the twin thoughtfully "Whereas you...you lead with the sass and if the people you're with can get past that, then you let them see your heart"

"This is pretty deep for a chat with a stranger" William remarked "I hate to think what we'd be talking about if we were actually friends"

"Only one way to find out isn't there"

"I've got plenty of friends thanks"

"I wasn't offering"

"Good, I wasn't applying for the position"

"Good, positions already been filled"

"By whom"

"Your triplet...he's not as nice as Louis, but he's better looking than you!"

"Ouch"

Amy's face broke into a smile at the exhange and William couldn't help but smile back.  She was pretty cool.  If Louis hadn't already claimed her then he would have liked to get to know her better.

"There's so many things I want to ask you" Amy told him yawning "But I'm too tired"

"You want me to go?" asked William, propping himself up on one elbow.

"Nah, the settee isn't very comfortable to be honest" Amy admitted "Want to listen to some music with me?"

"Good music?"

"Only one way to find out" she fished her iPod out of her bag she'd flung next to the bed and handed William the ear pod for his left ear, whilst stuffing the right one into her own.

William raised his eyebrows a little.  Amy was laying on his right side, so for him to use the left ear pod, Amy was going to have to lay her head right close to his in order for them both to use the ear pods.

"Smooth" he muttered, sliding it into his ear and feeling her hair tickle his cheek as she rested her face on his shoulder "subtle...not transparent in the slightest!"

"Well if I do this then I can still hear from both speakers" Amy retorted sleepily "Considering there is nothing between your ears it makes for quality amplification!"

William didn't think this would have been possible after his chat with his twin, but he laughed.  

'Sod it' he thought as he wrapped one arm around Amy's shoulders.  Amy was so warm against his side, and it had been so long since he'd had a proper innocent cuddle.  He was going to enjoy this for as long as it lasted.

"Chasing Cars?" He asked, instantly recognising the opening lines of one of his favourite songs.

"It seemed appropriate" Amy whispered, yawning into his shoulder "Sometimes you just need someone to lay with and forget the world"

William hummed in agreement, stroking his fingers absentmindedly up and down her back.  He didn't know how, but it felt like she somehow knew exactly how he was feeling.  It felt nice, to have someone there, to be - in a vague way, cared about - even if it would be just for one night. 

 

"All ok?"

Harry bounced back down the stairs to where Louis was still sat on the bed, a cautious expression, as he wasn't sure how Louis was going to react to his brothers visit - even if it had been at his request.

"Yeah" Louis looked exhausted, laying back against the pillows with a blank face, but he smiled as Harry crawled next to him, wriggling under the covers and finally taking him in his arms again.  He didn't feel as bad as he had before.  In fact...he actually felt a bit better.  

Even after William and their interaction, especially after what he'd just said to him as their parting words.  

He'd heard it coming out of his mouth - he knew how horrible it sounded, and how painful it would have sounded to his brothers ears.  Louis wasn't blind.  He saw the unmasked defeated look in his matching eyes.  He saw the shoulders slump and the hand grip the banister for something to hold on to, something to support him in his time of upset.

With William, Louis being able to upset him with his words comforted him.  Because it was confirmation that what he was doing was working.  Just because he didn't believe in what he was saying, didn't mean that it wasn't necessary to say it.  Yes he was being cruel, yes he was telling lies - but he had to!  His life was just getting back on track.  He'd finally found someone who...loved him...and now Louis was feeling threatened.  Threatened and frightened, and if he had to threaten to tell lies in order to prevent his life from changing, prevent secrets from being revealed, Louis would do it.  He'd endured a lot before he met Harry.  Louis was not going to risk loosing him for anything!  Even with what he had said, William had just walked away, given in, accepted it - which made Louis feel better.  It was only a matter of time before William gave up completely.

"Anything you want to talk about?" Harry asked, sliding his hand up to cup Louis' cheek and pressing a gentle kiss to his mouth.  He'd been so worried about his baby, and was so happy that he looked...somewhat back to normal...he just wanted to kiss and cuddle him and never let him go!

"Well..." Louis paused dramatically, sucking in his cheeks "I do need to ask you something"

Harry leaned back, still keeping his arms around Louis, but suddenly feeling very apprehensive.

"What?" he found himself asking, even though he felt afraid to.

"Was there a particular reason you wanted me to wear this tonight?"

Pushing Harry gently on to his back, Louis straddled Harry's narrow hips, sitting tall and reaching beneath the waist band of his jeans, hitching up the familiar tight band of the underwear Harry had suggested he tried on, and let it snap against his skin with a 'ping'.

Harry had the decency to blush...maybe he hadn't just offered them to Louis to save him from having his usual boxers visible through the obscenely tight trousers Harry had picked out for him to wear.

"Kinda" he tried not to smirk "But dont worry about that babe, it's not the right night.  I don't expect anything from you, you know that"

 

When Harry had looked into Louis' erectile dysfunction problem, he had accidently left it all on his Internet search history, so when Liam borrowed his phone...he saw the whole thing, and wrongly assumed that it was Harry who was having difficulties in the bedroom.

Liam being...well Liam...turned up to Harry's hotel room with not only a sympathetic ear, but a lot of research, including some website addresses that "looked useful", a list of psychiatrists that were highly recommended and a long list of tips on how to relax.

"Like you could go for a massage" Liam had suggested "Unwind with a nice bath..." He looked a little uncomfortable at that point and thrust a carrier bag into Harry's hands, who was watching him, half amused, half grateful for his compassion.  Harry looked into the bag and pulled out three scented candles.

"They smell of jasmine" Liam said helpfully "Got told they will provide a soothing, yet sensuous atmosphere...was thinking maybe you and...." He coughed "er...Louis...could...erm...maybe take a bath..." He cleared his throat "together...with the candles...and erm...maybe some essential oils...er..."

Harry had decided to save Liam any further discomfort by giving him a huge hug.  Poor guy, he'd gone to all this effort for him as well - that was definitely a father/ son talk they had just had!

However, what had been useful from their chat was the list of websites that Liam had provided him with.  Which came with a lot of real peoples opinions - one of which Harry had decided to try out.  The suggestion was that the affected partner wear a jockstrap if they were shy or embarressed about being exposed in that region...put that together with a relaxing massage by candlelight and who knew what might happen...but not tonight...it wouldn't be right...

 

"What if I want you to do something with it?" asked Louis shyly, hiding the bashful tinge on his cheeks by leaning down and pressing his lips to Harry's.

"You do so many selfless things for me Haz - you are always thinking of me and my happiness and you give me everything I could ever want and you never ask for anything in return!  Please let me do this for you"

"Do what for me?" Harry asked sitting up so that Louis was sitting in his lap, rubbing his hand up and down the back of Louis' neck, the other rubbing circles on his hip over his shirt.

"Give you everything I have to give you" a little smile played on his lips, switching to a shy one as he began to unbutton his shirt.

Harry felt his breath catch as he caught a glimpse of Louis' bare chest, sinking his teeth into his bottom lip to stop himself from ripping open the remaining buttons and launch himself on him.  Louis was in control here, Harry wanted him to take the lead.

Shirt fully unbuttoned, Louis inclined his head, searching with his lips for Harry's and reaching to do the same to Harry's shirt.  They kissed slowly, languidly, Harry running his hands up the expanse of Louis' back, helping to strip the shirt completely off his back, sighing in contentment as the surface of his palms got to smooth over his boyfriends delicious warm skin.

"I love you" Harry whispered, moving to kiss his cheeks - still slow and gentle - any more would get him over whelmed, all it took was a little physical interaction with Louis to send him over the edge.  Their noses grazed, it was just them, sexual arousal mounting in their little cocoon.  A low moan sounded from Harry's barely parted lips as he felt a little tug to his hair - one of his biggest weaknesses by far, amplified when Louis ground his hips down in a sexy little rhythm, hardening him instantly.

"Show me how much love me" Louis gasped as full lips massaged his neck, searching out all the toe curling sensitive spots, grinding down extra vigorously, making the most seductive little noises.

Ever since the beginning, Louis had always needed to feel love - not just hear it.  Words were just words and although they sounded nice - it was like stroking your skin when you had an itch, feels nice, but it just doesn't hit the spot.

William would always show him his love.  When he was anxious or upset, William would always cuddle him, soothe him - his kisses were the only way for Louis to really calm down - so after years of this kind of treatment, Louis had it set in his mind that love had to be shown physically for it to be real.

Most of the time a small kissing session and a cuddle from Harry would be sufficient.  But tonight?  After finding out what he did?  Louis needed far more than a simple kiss and a cuddle.  Louis needed to feel his love penetrate him deep into his flesh and bones - not just skate across the surface of his skin.

Harry may have admitted that nothing sexual had happened between himself and William, and that was enough for Louis to decide that he wanted to take the next step with him.  Because he would be having something that William didn't.  Because it would prove to him that Harry loved/wanted/ thought he was more important to him than William was.  Maybe that would be a sign that if there had to be a choice to be made - Harry might just choose him.

 

"How?" Harry gasped pulling him fully against his chest and flipping them around so he was pressing his baby into the mattress.

"I'm ready for you...to make..."

Louis didn't even get to finish what he was saying.  With a needy groan Harry crushed their mouths together, desperate to feel his babies moans of pleasure vibrating against his tongue.  Peeling Louis' trousers off was even more erotic as he imagined, there were no nerves, no fleeing to the other side of the room in fright or embarrassment - and Harry couldn't help but feel a sense of pride at how much Louis was slowly realising that Harry would never judge him, never mock or laugh at him, but only wanted to make him feel as loved and as special as he deserved.

Gently rolling him over onto his front, Harry straddled the backs of Louis' thighs, pattering his finger tips like rain drops, starting at his shoulders, dotting them down his spine, and finally, he was able to see and feel the delicious swell of his naked bum for the first time - and it was sooo worth waiting for!

"Do you trust me?" Harry asked breathlessly massaging his thumbs deep into the voluptuous muscle, pressing his chest against his back, starting to kiss at the base of his neck, sliding down whilst trailing his tongue down his spine, taking a deep, shuddering breath, waiting, hoping, wishing for Louis' response.

It was more the way that Louis wiggled his ass that urged Harry to continue, sucking his own personal mark on one cheek, proof to himself that Louis trusted him enough to let him do it.

 

Louis clawed his fingers deep into the pillows around his head, squeezing his eyes tightly shut, writhing around on sheets.  Harry's hands had parted his cheeks, and his tongue was swirling around his enterence - dipping inside, sucking at his tender skin.  It was so intimate, so alien to Louis to have someone lavish so much selfless attention on him - he couldn't even begin to imagine what Harry was getting out of this - couldn't have been much - Louis had been fucked by a lot of different guys...and not one of them had ever paid this much attention to him when they didn't have to.  They had certainly never even attempted this!

"How are you feeling?" Harry asked, crawling slowly up his body, pressing his full body against Louis' back, plastering them together. He carefully rolled him onto his back, searching his face for discomfort or anxiety with dark lustful versions of his eyes.

"More!" Louis panted, already missing the intimate touches, craving everything that he'd never realised he'd been missing.

"I'll give you everything you want me to baby" Harry promised, taking a moment to indulge in a long passionate kiss before briefly leaving the bed to find the bottle of lubricant he'd (almost not) packed in his bag.

Louis watched him from where he lay on the bed, spread out for him on top of the sheets.  His chest was heaving, breathless, panting and writhing with anticipation - Harry couldn't get back to him quick enough.

 

As much as his body was crying out for it, Louis couldn't help but internally dread what he had put it motion to happen.  As much as he wanted it, needed it, Louis had experienced this need before...and it had never ended well.

When he had cut his twin out of his life, he could only imagine it was the same as if he had cut his arms and legs off.  Because it had just been him...facing the world...on his own.  There were no cuddles after a bad day, no kisses to reassure him...nothing...

So he tried (desperately) to find a replacement.  The physical ache he felt to try and satisfy his emotional longing to find that lost connection...giving his body to whoever showed interest in it, channelling his brain to forcefully feel love for them, praying that the more he let them fuck him, the more they would feel for him...until they loved him the way he needed them to.

It never happened.  They would take him, fuck him, pull out and leave him...their kisses meant nothing, the pounding to his ass meant less...they scratched away at the ribbons that linked physical affection to love in Louis mind, until they were severed and he lost his belief that anyone would love him as strongly and true as William ever again.  

It was obvious none of them really cared about Louis - they never even bothered to prepare him before sex...or had all of them got off on his pain?  They didn't even notice or care that Louis could no longer get it up or climaxed.  Sex just wasn't fullfilling either of his physical needs or emotional ones - so he gave up on it completely.

But then Harry came along.  Harry who would and did do anything for him.  Harry who cared about his boyfriend so much that he noticed Louis was cold and needed a jumper before Louis did!  If anyone could love him as much as William had...it was Harry...but what if something went wrong?  Louis had been sure he and William had been invincible...

And then the act of physical intimacy had broken them apart.  Did anything good ever come out of it?  Would it always hurt him?  Would it always end with nothing?  

As much as he wanted to finally have sex with Harry, what if Harry didn't know what he was doing? what if it hurt him?  What if he was crap and Harry left him?

Louis wanted to badly to tell Harry.  To say outright what he was fearing and have Harry reassure him - it wasn't somehing you could just say.  He might hurt his feelings, he might put Harry off...he might leave.

Being sneaky wasn't something Louis was good at, or acting, but he had to find some way of edging the conversation to what he wanted to say - even if he did find it in the stupidest way possible...with the presentation of a bottle of lubricant!

"What's that?" Louis asked faking hesitantly, eyeing the small plastic bottle in Harry's hands, turning on his side and drawing his legs towards his chest.

Harry sensing the change in mood, calmly lay down beside him, gently took Louis' face in his hands, kissing his lips gently.

"Just lubricant babe"

"What you gonna do with it?"

And just like that, Louis was tense again.  Harry pulled away a little "You want me to stop?" He asked carefully stroking his face, feeling his finger tips drag a little on the miniscule amount of stubble that had started to appear over the past few hours.

"Does it...hurt?" Louis asked reaching into Harry's hand for the bottle and examining it intently.

"Lubricant?" Harry cocked an eyebrow "Are you allergic?" He joined Louis in looking at the bottle.  It looked standard enough...water based, warming sensation...he'd used it before...felt pretty good from what he'd remembered...maybe Louis didn't like this one?

"We can get another one if you don't like this one" he offered, sneaking a hand down so he could adjust himself in his boxers.

Louis handed the bottle back to him.

"Just haven't used it before"

Harry made a face "So what did you use? Spit?  And you're worried this is gonna hurt?" he laughed at the lost expression on Louis' face.

"Huh?  How does it work?"

It wasn't the best time for confusion, but Harry was more than happy to humour his boyfriend if he needed a little more time to think about taking that next step. He toyed with the bottle in one hand, rolling it between his fingers.

"Well...it does what it says it does" Harry shrugged "Makes things a lot more comfortable for you, don't want to hurt you babe"

"It always hurts"

Louis was an expert at speaking under his breath, but Harry was becoming an expert at hearing him.

"What do you mean?" he asked, little pieces of the puzzle starting to fit together.  It was nowhere near complete, but it was a picture Harry wasn't sure he wanted to see.

"Kiss me!" Louis was trying to distract him now, palming him hastily through his boxers - which would usually be enough, but not now.

"Who hurt you?" Harry insisted "Was it Matt?" He asked, remembering the unpleasant pizza man with distain "Did he hurt you sexually?"

"It's nothing" Louis insisted as though he wished that he hadn't said anything "Please Haz, just touch me again!"

"Tell me" Harry demanded, who got very concerned when he knew there was something to be told "And I will touch you as much as you want"

"Stop worrying" Louis tried to mouth at his neck, but Harry was having none of it.

"Babe, I don't care what we were going to be doing, you just said that people hurt you.  I am not letting that go - no matter how seductive you are!" 

Louis was sucking on his finger in a very provocative manner!

"Harry, not everyone treated me as well as you do" Louis blushed heavily as he admitted it "Sex...was never...you know...pleasant for me...ever...at all...I don't think they acreally liked me that much...just used me..."

"They?" Harry repeated, feeling his heart sink a little that Louis didn't say 'He'.

'They' was plural, plural was more than one.  That meant more than one person had hurt his baby...and Harry didn't think he was ready to find out how many 'they' actually referred to!

"It wasn't against your will was it?" Harry asked, fearing how he would react if Louis replied with a yes.

"No...just wasn't...well it was expected wasn't it" Louis muttered, mentally kicking himself for starting all of this "Maybe I'm too tight or something...it just fucking hurt..." He trailed off with a whisper "It was always rough...and I bled everytime..."

"Fucks sake!" Harry swore, bitterly thinking of the faceless men (and Matt - the arrogant shit!) hurting his boyfriend "Didn't they prepare you properly at all?" he waved the small bottle in Louis' face "Didn't they use this? Did they just...you know...force it?"

"How else do you get it in?" Louis shrugged "But I really want this with you" he suddenly said emploringly "I just want to be close to you, I don't give a shit if it hurts"

Louis looked so determined, like he really didn't care if Harry hurt him by accident - but there was no way Harry would ever let that happen.

"Baby, I promise...it's not going to hurt" Harry promised kissing his nose "We're not going to rush it...there is no need to...I'm going to make you feel so good baby" he kissed his temple

"You'll forget all about those awful people before me, because trust me...if they treated you like that...they didn't even deserve to see you naked, let alone touch you!" he kissed his mouth, raising his body up to hover over the smaller boy, running his fingers lightly over his sides.

"You need me to show you how you should be treated...because there is nothing I want to do more than just be here with you and...."

He scrambled around in his head for the right word

"Worship you!"

He said finally, not even lying "That's what I want, I want to kiss, touch, massage and lavish my attention on every inch of your perfect little body" he lay down, fully covering said body with his own

"I want to feel you all around my fingers and my tongue, and I want to hear those sexy little noises that get me so hard and worked up I have to mentally stop myself from coming!"  

His voice grew deeper, thicker, more lustful with each sylibol

"I want you to feel how much I love you, until you feel it so extreme that you're gasping out my name and you don't even remember what yours is.  I want you boneless, lying in my arms, quivering from the climax as you drift off to sleep, dreaming of how much I love you more than anybody else" he captured Louis' awed, slightly disoriented mouth in a deep, passionate, heart stopping kiss "As long as you let me" he finished, running his fingers through Louis' hair and trailing his lips down to that very sensitive spot on Louis neck.


	34. Chapter 34

His heart was palpertating, his skin was on fire, all his muscles seemed to be spasaming out of all control.

It felt like he was being tickled on the inside, and Louis tried to squirm away, his back arching right off the bed as a well positioned finger sent all his cynical expectations flying out the window as it massaged against a particular bundle of nerves inside him that he had previously thought was an urban legend!

High pitched, embarrassing mews sounded in his ears as Harry's skilled fingers, glistening with lubricant moved in and out of him, scissoring, stretching, opening him up.  Louis couldn't take his eyes off Harry - his parted lips, his bulging muscles that flexed in such a sexy manner every time he flicked his wrist.  He was so big, so strong, so sexy and so...deceptively gentle...which just made Louis want him even more!

"You ok?" Harry asked in a deep gravelly voice that just screamed how aroused he was, extracting the three fingers he'd been intricately pumping in and out of Louis' tight ring of muscle.

Louis nodded, wide eyed, still thrusting his hips, still feeling the stretch and the gentle burn, still feeling the whisper of phantom loving caresses to his prostate.

"Are you ready for me?" Harry breathed, slotting his body between Louis' stretched out legs.  

Conflicting emotions filled Louis brain.  If thoughts were made of vapour they would be spiralling out of his mouth, his ears, hovering like a mist as they oozed out of his pores.

He was so ready...and yet he so wasn't...

"Here babe" Harry gently smiled at him and pressed the small bottle of lubricant into his hand "Slick me up how you want me" he gently kissed Louis again "You are in control here" he reminded his smaller boyfriend "I love you so much, if you change your mind that's ok"

It was everything that Louis had wanted.  There was so much compassion in Harry, his signals were loud and clear - he so badly wanted Louis to trust him....that was all he had ever asked of Louis - for him to trust Harry and let Harry love him...

With shakey hands, Louis undid Harry's trousers.  Compared to his fully naked body, Harry was grossly overdressed!

Seeing Harry's cock for the first time was a frozen moment in time that Louis just wanted to mentally screenshot and return to look at again and again.

At first he hadn't even looked as he's slid his boyfriends trousers and boxers down over his firm, tight buttocks, just maintained the intense eye contact that was making the air around them positively sizzle.

"So beautiful baby" 

Louis' eyes drifted down the sleek column of Harry's neck, over his broad chest, his toned stomach...and there is was...perfect...the most perfect he had ever laid eyes upon.

He didn't even feel shyness as his fingers hurtled forward to stroke it, dying to see if it would be as smooth under his finger tips as it looked - and wondering if he would even to wrap his hand around it the girth looked so intimidating....and long...so much longer and thicker than his, and the most mouth watering shade of pink...which was currently the same shade as the tip of Harry's tongue.

Louis had barely touched it when Harry rocked his head backwards with a low moan...and that was when Louis snapped back from the hazy state he had fallen into, his hole clenching around nothing, reminding Louis exactly how much he needed this!

Pouring the lubricant into his hand, Louis throughly enjoyed slicking up Harry's length.  For one thing the lubricant was warm in his hands as it slid up and down, longer than necessary due to how wound up Harry was obviously getting from the actions.  Grasping his hips with both hands, Harry was panting, Louis name babbling out of his mouth, hips thrusting in little jolts.

"Fuck...baby...stop.." Harry grunted suddenly snatching his hand away "Don't wanna come like this....need you..."

Immediately, Louis flopped back onto the bed, lifting his hips and wrapping his legs around Harry's - only half aware of a pillow being shoved under his bum, his body and mind thruming with crackling energy.

They kissed hotly, tongues tangling in their mouths.  Louis could feel the tickle of Harry's hair in his face, smell the slight tang of salt on his skin, the warmth and comfort through his lips...and then...ohmy god it was actually happening!

So distracted with the feels and smells and the mind blowing kiss, Louis didn't notice Harry's cock nudging at his enterence.  He heard Harry groan into his mouth, felt Harry's hand tighten on the back of his neck, and then he just felt full...so full...and there is was.  Love.  The deepest love he had been searching all over to find, filling him up, stretching him because there was so much of it he could barely contain it.

"Move" he murmured, taking in a deep breath and clutching hard at Harry's muscular shoulders "Please Harry!"

Harry was so gentle and it was intense.  Shallow, firm thrusts of his hips, looking into Louis' eyes so deeply that it was Louis who was convinced that he was going to drown.  There was no pain, no dominating behaviour.  There was only one reason why Harry was doing this to him - to show Louis how desperately in love with him he was....and Louis loved him too...much more than he ever thought he could love anyone, wishing that it would never stop, that he could just stay here like this, with Harry...never stopping, just feeling wave after wave of his love cascading through his veins for eternity.

"I love you" Louis managed to say "I..."

He stuttered, what the hell was that?  What was happening?  Something was happening to him!  A warmth in his stomach was growing stronger and more apparent.  His underwear was suddenly feeling so tight, and he was aching, so much it was all he could think about!

"Har..." he was trying to alert his boyfriend when a shock wave ripped through him...the heat...the electricity of one thousand tiny needles...it was at the top of a rollercoster, teetering on the edge, his stomach swooping with elation.  It was basking in the hot sun.  It was soaring high into the sky and then diving into crystal clear oceans.  Flickering images ran through his mind at a hundred miles an hour followed by complete and utter bliss...melting into the most beautiful cloud of relaxation.  It was the most exhilarating experience Louis had every encounterd, and it was all because of Harry.

A loud cry pulled Louis back into reality.

Harry's back arched above him, crying out Louis' name, hips jerking uncontrollably.  It was the most gorgeous, intimate sight he'd ever seen.  Harry Styles may be a very famous man, and plenty of people had seen his face with a variety of expressions - but this one was especially for Louis, lost in their own little moment, in their own little world, watching his perfect man come down from his high, his expression a mixture of adoring and estatic, cupping his Louis cheek with a hand that was still quivering from the intensity of his release.

He knew Harry was speaking, and through his fucked out haze, Louis tried to understand what he was saying, but all of a sudden, something unexpected caught his attention, his eyes fixed in disbelief at his stomach...and the thick white substance trickling down the sides of his skin...

His energy was quickly sapping out of him, eyes closing as Harry pulled slowly out, breathing hard and pulling his limp, boneless form into his arms, smothering his face with kisses, repeating how much he loved him over and over again.

"You really do love me!" Louis stated in wonder, the widest, most soppy smile take over his face, burrowing as far into Harry's embrace as his body would allow, babbling as he gently let go of his fears and sank deeper and deeper into the blissful, thankful state he'd been dipping his toes in. "I felt it...you made me come..."

If he hadn't have seen it with his own eyes he wouldn't have believed it...

Harry was whispering to him, still kissing his face and hair, stroking his cheeks, cupping his chin, but all Louis could concentrate on was the soul lightening relief he felt....how thankful he was that his need for physical love, had proved to his head and heart what he'd been so scared to believe on his own.  

"You love me so much" he slurred, speech thick from an overwhelming surge of tiredness "More than anyone.  No one's loved me like that since William"

 

 


	35. Chapter 35

It was something that had occupied Harry's thoughts - even longer than he had known Louis in person - how the two of them were meant to be together and how perfect they would be for each other. For years it had just been his imagination - which could be dangerous, because one day he could actually meet Louis and realise that he wasn't the boy he imagined in his head, or that the chemestry just wouldn't be there.

All it took were two words.  "Oops" and "hi", and everything fell into place.  Harry had never been happier about any decision he'd made up until that amazing day he'd met Louis properly, and the more time that ticked on, the closer the two of them became, Harry was certain that he hadn't just found a boyfriend, but the rest of his life - all in one perfect, blue eyed, adorable package.

Harry was well aware Louis had issues, and most of what he knew didn't come directly from the boy himself, but knowledge that he'd either banked up over the years, or quietly observed during their time together.  But it didn't bother him or put him off because Harry was one hundred per cent certain that no matter what lay ahead of the two of them (or Louis on his own), Harry had enough inner strength on his own to help them face anything.  

A few years ago, he had read a poem that William had written - one of the most touching pieces he'd ever read, so much so that he'd felt jealous as his mind absorbed the words on the paper, staring at them so hard, that the letters stopped looking like words and just looked like fuzzy shapes.

"You actually felt like this?" he'd asked William who had been sitting on his floor, his nose in a notepad as normal and his fingers tapping experimentaly on his keyboard - trying to come up with a simple tune to fit to his lyrics.

William frowned as he glanced at the paper Harry was showing him.

"Where did you find that?" he asked, recognising it instantly.  It had been so long ago since he'd written that poem about his twin.  It had been a different time then.

"In the back of your folder" Harry shrugged "Sorry mate, was it private?"

"Its just kinda personal" William said carefully reaching for the paper "Want to hear it with music?  Since you've already read it"

Harry nodded, eagerly.  He loved how creative and inspirational William was, never passing up a chance to see him perform.

Even though it just came from a tiny keyboard in a university dorm room, it sounded the most beautiful, intimate music Harry had ever heard.  William sang quietly along to it, getting so lost in the emotion of the simple melody and lyrics, that by the time he had finished he had a single tear trickling down his cheek, and Harry couldn't speak because of the lump in his throat.

It was just so beautiful and raw.  Real feelings that William had once felt and expressed in the best way he knew how.

A thought struck Harry.  To his knowledge, William didn't have a girlfriend, nor had he ever spoken about a great love that he'd lost - because this song was about a great love.  Romeo and Juliet, Jack and Rose, Elizabeth and Mr Darcy...this was the song that they would have played...

"What happened?" He asked quietly watching as William kept staring into the carpet, obviously no longer mentally in the room.

Blinking rapidly William gave a half hearted attempt at both a nonchalant shrug and a smile.  Neither of them were convincing.

"Something came between them and I" he tried to joke "Obviously we weren't as fireproof as I thought we were"

It was obviously hard for William to think about.  Harry being the good friend that he was, never brought up the subject again...and hid the page of lyrics in the back of the folder where he'd found it.  But he committed it to memory...always hoping that one day he would find someone who'd he feel as strongly for as William once had for his mysterious love.

 

When he began to properly start dating Louis, it was often the song he sung in his head - as though it was their own personal theme song.  Whenever Louis was anxious or looking stressed.  Whenever he fretted that he wasn't good enough for Harry.  Even when he admitted  about his bedroom fears and troubles - Harry's mind always returned to the same lyric "Nothing can come between you and I"

It was a song of reassurance, belief and love.  The type of song that Louis deserved to have written about him...the type of song Harry could whisper in his ear when he was sad, and remind him of how strong they were together and how much Harry believed in him.

He wished he had written it.

He'd often wondered who it had been written about - surely someone who provoked such emotion was an amazing person...but how was that possible?  No one could possibly be as amazing as Louis...

 

Harry had always imagined that their first time would be an earth shattering, word shaking, mind blowing moment....he had grossly miscalculated...

After everything that had gone on during the last few hours (Harry's head still span as he mentally counted each incident off), the last way he imagined the traumatic evening to end was making love to Louis...which was so perfect, Harry wondered if he'd fallen asleep and dreamt the whole thing...Louis wanting him, Harry being allowed to touch and kiss and caress him in all the places he'd waited so patiently to gain access to, the overwhelming desire he had to make Louis get pleasure from this...even if he had to keep himself coming for hours, he would do anything to make this the experience that Louis had always deserved!

For Harry sex had always been good.  He'd always chosen the right people to take that step with, but what he and Louis shared....what the hell had he been thinking.

Seeing Louis come had been more exhilirating than his own actual orgasm...which if he had been in a cartoon...would have had him looking dazed as he pulled out with a circle of flying, gasping Louis' around his head and heart eyes sticking out of his face on stalks!  Because that was how realistic the whole thing felt....so imagine how good he felt when he realised it was actually real!

Louis - who was understandably surprised as Harry was, was so stunned by the actions of his own body - and so so tired, started to babble a stream of muttered words, slurring them all together.  Something about love, Harry loving him? He chuckled.  Something about Louis coming?

Harry simply could not keep his hands or his lips off his baby.  It was like he was seeing him for the first time - so beautiful, so innocent - well kinda, so sexy and edible.  He just couldn't stop touching his face, kissing his cheeks, his hair, his eye brows.  The only part of his face he couldn't kiss was Louis' mouth, because as much as he wanted to, Louis was just the sweetest thing when he was sleepy and chatting away to himself.

"...since William"

The words Louis slurred, as incoherent as they were made Harry's heart soar!  Thank God!  Louis was remembering how much his twin cared about him.  This was the best thing ever!  Obviously their talk had gone well!  This was the best outcome to this evening ever!  Even better than...well nothing could actually top what he and Louid had just done...but it was a close...ok...very far away second!

"I love you so much Louis Tomlinson" Harry stated passionately kissing his baby slowly on the mouth and then cuddling into his soft little body, all ready to fall asleep in his boyfriends arms.

"Not even the Gods above..." Harry began to sing sleepily.  They were one of the great love stories...this was one of those nights where everything came together, where everything was magical...where everything was...

"can seperate the two of us" Louis finished off, still sleepily, tangling their legs together.

"Exactly" whispered Harry, happy dimples popping in his cheeks, closing his eyes and squeezing his baby tighter.  

"Wait..." He mumbled, frowning a little, and pulling away slightly to look into Louis' yawning face "You know that song?"

"Not a song" a little smile crinkled Louis' eyes even though they were shut, and he pulled Harry closer to him, playing his hair with clumsy fingers "It's a poem..." he yawned shallowly "William wrote it...years ago...about me...."


	36. Chapter 36

"Wakey Wakey sunshine!" Harry hummed, stroking Louis' hair and kissing his forehead.  He smiled sweetly as his boyfriends eyes flickered open, and a soft sleepy smile spread across his face "Got you some breakfast...well," he stole a fleeting look at his watch, "It's actually lunch time...but it's breakfast food."

He pressed another kiss to Louis' forehead, and jumped off the bed to fetch the tray he'd collected from room service.

Yawning widely, and wiping the sleep out of his eyes, Louis sat up (carefully), stretching out his arms high above his head, and arching his back until he heard that satisfying crack.  He was expecting to feel sore or at least a little bit uncomfortable...if experience had taught him anything, it was that usually the morning after he couldn't even sit on his hind quarters, let alone walk!  But today...Harry must have really taken proper care of him last night.  

Still a little bleary eyed, Louis' smile only widened as Harry approached the bed with a heavily loaded tray.  Shirtless and just wearing a loose pair of black boxers, Louis wondered for the tenth million time how he had become so lucky to have this pristine man to wake up to.

"I wasn't sure what you'd want...but I thought you would be really hungry." Harry was saying, sitting cross legged on the bed and putting the tray between them.

Louis looked over the tray hungrily.  There was toast and selected spreads, a plate of pancakes with assorted syrups, a mouthwatering aroma from a pile of crispy bacon and poached eggs and a basket of croissants and Danish pastries.

It was Harry's taunt torso and muscular arms that really had Louis salivating and properly hungry for though.

"I like your hair like that" Louis complemented thickly, through a mouthful of the bacon and egg sandwich he'd made out of toast, and nodded to the bun Harry had tied his hair into "How is it possible that you look so good...I would look shit with that!"

Harry preened at the compliment and swallowed his mouthful of pancakes "You'd look gorgeous no matter what you did with your hair." he smiled, reaching to finger a few strands "You should try one of my head bands." he suggested, cocking his head to the side as he tried to imagine it "and grow a little bit of scruff..." He touched various parts of Louis' face, "Here...fuck..." He bit his lip at the thought, "You would look so sexy baby." 

"Whoo meh?" 

Harry let out a surprised snort of laughter at the quizzical expression on his babies face, his little cheeks suddenly stuffed like a hamsters after the humongous forkful of pancakes he'd just shoved into his mouth.  He must have been famished!  

 _I must really love him_ Harry resigned, watching fondly as Louis chomped hurriedly through the delicious food.  Even with hamster cheeks and syrup down his chin, Louis was still the most gorgeous boy he'd ever laid eyes upon.

 

"So about last night." Louis started uncomfortably cuddling back into the large pillows and pulling the duvet over him, watching with keen eyes as Harry deposited the tray back on the desk and jumped in next to him, both of them faced each other with their legs loosely tangled together, "I think we need to talk about it"

Harry nodded in agreement "It was...quite hectic wasn't it!"

"Quite hectic?" Louis asked, one eyebrow twitching upwards and smirking, "I lived through about six weeks of Eastenders story lines over the course of a few hours!  I was half expecting Wendy to jump out of nowhere and scream at me that she's my real mum!"

"Oh...you don't remember that..." Harry was cut off by the blow of a pillow to his face, "Sorry!" He smirked back, "Couldn't resist!"

Louis rolled his eyes "Ok, so to recap..." He lay on his back, raising one fist into the air "You and William have been best friends for years" he counted on one finger "William is also friends with the rest of the boys...and Nick...and they know him as Ed"

Harry nodded slowly.  

"And William works with you by writing songs?" Louis wanted to clarify, remembering snatches of the conversation he had overheard between Nick and Zayn and from what William had actually told him face to face.

Harry could almost see the cogs turning in his brain as Louis furrowed his brow.

"He's Ed Sheeran isn't he?" he said finally, coming up with the same answer, no matter what equations he was trying.  Harry nodded again and Louis' nose twitched with distaste "Ugh...he wrote some of my favourite songs as well...for fucks sake!" he exclaimed in disgust "He wrote my favourite song of all time!  Oh, I do not like that!"

"Maybe that's because on some level you knew that he wrote them" Harry suggested being the optimist as always "I mean, you know what his work is like!  You were talking about it last night..."

"No I wasn't" Louis interrupted scoffing "I wouldn't know what to talk about"

"You did!" Harry insisted, leaning up on one elbow "You were being all cute and sleepy, _and_ you were smiling and talking about how William loves you.  When I starting singing that song he wrote called You and I, and then you finished off the line, and said it wasn't a song...it was a poem that William wrote about you!" he finished with a small pout.  He was right!

Harry had been convinced that the song was about a great love, and although it was really sweet, every line did sound like a story of an unbreakable bond between two brothers.  At least it had been about Louis, which he had kind of always wished, but he had been _so_ certain that it had been a love song.  Maybe Harry was just a little too romantic...

"And when did this," Louis made in air quotation marks with his fingers looking a little amused, " _conversation_ take place?"

"Right after we...made..love." Harry blushed, feeling a little heated at the memory.

"Harry.  I love you.  But have you seen what an incoherent mess you are after you've blown your load?" Louis sniggered kissing Harry on the nose, "In fact..." He continued coyly, pushing Harry onto his back and straddling him, pressing his palms to his cheeks and licking into his mouth, "Why don't we test that theory now?"

"Stop trying to distract me with your sexiness!" groaned Harry, trying not to sink into their kiss, "You're just doing that to put me off!"

Louis ignored him, peppering kisses along his jaw line - which would usually have Harry in pieces, but he'd been thinking about this constantly for the last couple of hours, and if he didn't take action over it now - he probably wouldn't get that window of opportunity again.

"Babe, just listen to me for two minutes alright?" Harry asked, trying to make the face with the puppy eyes, that always worked on him when Liam did it "Last night was a really important night for you.    And you have no idea how proud I am of you.  You got some really upsetting news and you handled it so well.  You have no idea how happy it made me that you wanted to actually talk to William about your issues with him" Harry paused to pull Louis into his lap and cuddle him "You don't even need to tell me what you two said to each other" he assured Louis "Because I saw how different you were afterwards...."

Louis was relieved that he currently wasn't facing his boyfriend.  He knew the face he was wearing did not connect to the happy and optimistic tone of what Harry was saying.

"You told me that William used to love you" Harry was insisting, kissing the side of Louis' face where his chin was hooked over Louis' shoulder "And you looked and sounded so happy when you talked about the poem...and that's such a change babe.  You were so tired and yet all you could do was talk about your brother fondly"

Louis gulped.  Shit!  Shit!  Shit!  This was not turning out well...all he needed was for Harry to...

"And I know you miss him, and you love him too..."

 _Dont say it!_ Louis mentally messaged Harry,   _Do not say it!_

"so I really think you should spend more time with him."

 

Louis struggled to take a deep breath in.  What the fuck had he done?  Him and his stupid mouth, and Harry and his stupid ears.  

"Harry..." Louis swivled his head and looked up at him pleadingly "William and I didn't...make up last night...I told him...look... I still don't...."

"Louis Tomlinson you have got to stop lying to yourself!" Harry groaned giving his boys shoulders a little shake "I know its going to be scary and intimidating after feeling a certain way about someone for so long, but you have got to get through that because you are missing out on an amazing person who loves you so much and cares for you so much" he paused "I know you care about him too" he pointed out "You can't lie to me baby, I know you too well!"

Louis heart was well and truly sunk.  He could feel himself start to shake from the inside out.

"And if I have to physically drag you to spend time with William, and lock you both together in a room, then I will do that, because I know deep down that's what you want!"

"But I...."

Harry reached for his phone and passed it to Louis.

"Call him" he urged softly fight against the shell of Louis' ear "Have a chat, make a plan, keep this contact up"

Louis twisted around in his lap with a deep frown creasing his forehead and shoving the phone away from him.

"But I don't like...."

"It's ok to admit you were wrong" Harry told him gently, picking his phone back up and closing Louis' hands around it.

"Please baby.  If you can't admit that you are doing it for yourself, can you please do it for me?" his eyes turned soft and sad "It's really hard to see your boyfriend and best friend not get along"

"Harry I'm sorry but...."

"He asks after you all the time" Harry cut in "Every day when he calls your mum, you're the first thing he asks about"

Louis opened his mouth, but closed it, frowning once more.  What could he say to that?

"He told me stories about you and him" Harry told him, he could tell that Louis' resistance was weakening "Stories that made me want to meet you...stories that made me fall in love with you before we met..."

Louis sighed, his tense shoulders slumped and little, and he fingered the phone in his hands.  Harry just needed one more thing to push this home.

"If I hadn't have met William, I wouldn't have met you" he whispered passionately, imagining how his life could be like without Louis in it...and hating the images "How can you hate someone who brought is together?  Please Louis?  Can you just try for me?  I want you to be together again more than anything, your mum would love this more than anything in the world and....well....William...." He trailed off.

"But there are so many questions!" Louis groaned to try and hide the terror he was feeling at the prospect.  Harry wanted him to do the exact opposite of what he had planned.

"I had these massive bombs dropped on me, and you are expecting me to just brush them all under the carpet?"

"No" Harry assured him and kissed his forehead again before pressing their foreheads together "I'm expecting you to be brave enough to make that step across that bridge" he stroked Louis' hand.

"Call William baby" he urged "Invite him around to my house later.  The boys will be there, your friends and your mum will be there...it won't be awkward...and maybe you two can..." He shrugged "hang out together...like you used to"

 

Louis wanted to jump up and scream at Harry.  He had no idea what he was talking about!  Louis and William would never be able to hang out like they had before...it was the whole reason they were in this fucking mess...and he was backed over a barrel.  William had set too much ground work....it would be too unrealistic to tell Harry the lie he'd threatened William he's say...Louis actually had no choice in this whatsoever....and it was all his fault and his fucking stupid sleepy pillow talk!!

Feeling Harry's eyes on him...as always...he searched through the contacts until he found William's name and pressed call.

Holding the phone up to his ear and listening to the dialling tone, he couldn't find it in himself to smile...be could feel everything start to unravel...he was being careless, William had been careless...it was only going to be a matter of time...and now he couldn't really do anything about it.  Not even Harry's proud, blinding smile of joy could penetrate far enough to make Louis cheer up...how was Harry to know that he was pretty much walking his boyfriend off a plank?  Bless him.  He thought he was doing the right thing!

 

Harry and Louis reached Harry's London home at about four o clock.  For someone so young, it was in the style of an old town house - had two upper floors as well as a loft and a basement and was just so...Harry - stylish, elegant, and yet comfortable and homely.

"It's about time you showed up!" Jay tutted, getting up from the kitchen table that she was sat at with Michael and Wendy drinking tea, and giving Louis a bone crushing motherly hug!  What on earth happened to you last night?  You just left!" she glared between her son and his boyfriend "You didn't even see your cake!"

"Sorry mum..." Louis began, but was quickly interupted by Harry.

"Don't be too hard on him" he insisted slowly, reaching out his arm and beginning to gently massage the back of Louis' neck with his thumb and index finger "Lou and Will were spending a little quality time together" he smiled proudly down at Louis who had buried his face into his mums neck, just so he could hide.  This was so uncomfortable!

"Oh boo that's great!" Jay gushed squeezing her son tightly "Is he coming over today?" She asked "I would love to see him again before we leave!"

Shaking her head in obvious delight, she sat back down again, smiling contently at the thought of her two sons getting along.

"He's coming over later" Louis answered non committedly looking around him for something that should be there "Where's Amy and Charlotte?" He asked suddenly "I assumed you would all be here together"

"Amy went home with Perrie and Zayn last night" Wendy assured him "And the girls picked up Charlotte this morning to go shopping - I expect they'll be back soon.  She's a lovely girl that Perrie, and Zayn's a very nice young man - very handsome"

Louis tuned out of the conversation, closing his eyes as Harry nuzzled his nose into the back of his hair whilst wrapping his arms comfortably around his chest.  He wanted to concentrate on that happening, not the thoughts in his head.

"What's wrong?" Harry whispered, sensing another change of mood in his boyfriend "Amy and Charlotte will be alright with Perrie"

"It's not Perrie I'm worried about" Louis muttered darkly "Will said this morning when I rang him that he's staying with Perrie and Zayn"

"So?"

"So...I saw William kissing Amy last night" grumbled Louis, fully leaning back against Harry's chest.  The sound of approval Harry made however, irritated him...

"Good for him" Harry nodded kissing Louis' cheek "Amy's a lovely girl.  You think she might like him?"

"Hope not" Louis didn't bother to hide his distain "And I know she's lovely, that's why she's my friend"

"You're upset about it?" Harry sounded confused "Come on baby, Amy could be...." 

Louis shrugged out of his embrace before he could finish his sentence, walking over to Michael and whispering something in Michael's ear.  

Harry tried to not look as hurt as he felt.  He adored Louis and after last night he was feeling especially attached to the smaller boy.  He just wanted to be touching him - even in a small insignificant way all the time, stroking his hair, linking their fingers, cuddling into him, kissing his gorgeous little lips, thumbing at his cheeks.  To be honest, if ir had been up to him, he and Louis would have not left that hotel bed all day and all night - just stay in their bubble, telling and showing him again and again how insatiable Louis was to him.

Obviously, Louis didn't feel the same, because he was more invested in what could be happening between Amy and Will - which wasn't even definite!

"Uh, we're just gonna pop out for some food" Michael spoke up awkwardly looking around his coat, one hand protectively on Louis' shoulder, which Harry had instantly zoned in on "Anyone hankering for anything in particular?" 

Louis was looking everywhere, but at Harry.  Eyes shifting up and down.  At the walls, at the floor...Harry tried to catch his eye - but the smaller boy was avoiding such contact.  Where had this hostile behaviour suddenly come from?  Surely he couldn't be so annoyed about the thought of Amy and William, that he was prepared to punish Harry for it?

Jay and Wendy were discussing what to have for dinner with Michael.  With a sigh, Harry moved forcefully forward, grabbing Louis by the hand and walking him towards the living room.

"What's wrong?" He asked quickly, crouching down a little so he could be nose to nose with his baby (who was still refusing to look him in the face) "Have I done or said something wrong?  Why won't you look at me?"

"You have your friends!" Louis grumbled, giving him a look so sassy that William would have been proud of it "I have mine!  Can't I talk to my friends without you getting all paranoid?"

Harry wanted to point out that if anyone was paranoid around here then it was Louis!  Harry huffed out a breath.  This was such a pointless exchange.  Louis had no need to sound so angry and defensive with him.  Louis had no reason to avoid his eye or shrug out of his embrace or hiss and spit at him when he spoke.

"Bring me back some chicken?" Harry said finally, picking up Louis' hand that was picking at a loose thread on his t-shirt, and giving it a swift kiss "and mashed potatoes and....I love you" he finished hastily.  As much as he didn't understand what was going on in Louis' head, he did understand that he needed to have some private time alone with Michael...Harry wasn't that unreasonable.

"I love you too" Louis mumbled as Michael appeared in the door way, waiting for Louis.

Harry wanted to kiss him, reaffirm to himself that they were ok...but Louis just walked off towards Michael and the moment was gone...until he was at the door and he did a one eighty, hurrying back to Harry and throwing himself in his arms.

"I'm sorry" he whispered, nuzzling into his neck, and stroking his back as Harry hugged him tightly "I really do love you.  I just need to talk to Michael"

"Go" Harry murmured going to kiss Louis' forehead, and then smiling a little as his baby raised his face for a proper kiss "Sooner you go, the quicker you come back"

"We won't be long" Michael promised him smiling sympathetically "Come on kiddo, I'm starving!"

"Sorry sir" Louis' downcast face managed a weak smile.

 

"So where are we going?" Michael asked as he got into the drivers seat of his car and waited for Louis to buckle his seatbelt.

"Harry wants chicken and mash" Louis said vaguely looking out of the window and back at the front of Harry's house "So...erm...shall we find the nearest Nando's?  I think I saw one by St. Pancras station when we went to Kings Cross"

Michael nodded, tapping the destination into his sat nav, checking his mirrors before pulling out of his parking space.  Louis was quiet, staring out of the window.

'Are you ok?" Michael asked, knowing full well that Louis was not ok in the slightest.

"It's been a weird couple of days" Louis murmured slowly, then turned abruptly to Michael "I need to talk to you"

"I'm listening"

"Well you know William..."

"Your super secret identical twin brother that we only just found out about?"

"Yeah..."

"I recall him, yes"

"Well...I found out last night that he's actually friends with Harry!  And the rest of the boys because he writes songs for them under a fake name!  And guess who he is?  Ed Sheeran!  Ed fucking Sheeran!  Have you any idea how many of his songs I've listened to and adored, and all this time!" he clanked his teeth together, feeling so angry, snarling  "They've all been lying to me!  I've been with Harry for months and he never said a word about knowing him, and then I find out from Zayn and that annoying guy Nick Grimshaw that they're best friends!"

Michael raised his eyebrows, but kept quiet.  Louis was getting into full on rant mode.

"And not only that...if that wasn't enough, Harry tells me that the only reason he and I met in the first place was because he already knew William and he came to find me because he saw my photo on his laptop!  I thought it was some romantic, once-in-a-lifetime, one-in-a-million chance meeting....and it wasn't...why?  Why does _he_ have to be involved!  Harry is my life!  Not William's!"

"Ok..let's disect this" Michael suggested.  Louis didn't disagree.  Michael was such a calming influence on him and he was always filled to the brim with good advice.  Even when Louis was being the most difficult and stubborn.

"First of all.  Why have you never mentioned your twin to us before?" Michael asked "I mean that was a big surprise for us.  I was under the impression that you told Wendy and I everything"

"I tell you things that are relevant" Louis replied bluntly "William is not relevant.  He is in the past.  We haven't seen each other or spoken for years!  Why couldn't it just...."

"What happened?" Michael asked, stopping him with a question before Louis started ranting again.  No sense ever came from a Louis rant...just a lot of garbled words.  He was much easier to understand when he was made to speak in short concise sentences.

"I don't like him"

"Why not?"

"Because he's...." Louis stumbled over the words that hadn't made it out of his mouth "He's not a nice person"

"He seemed nice enough last night" Michael commented "Had a little chat with him about...well...you actually?"

"Oh, I bet that was really enjoyable" Louis glared sarcastically

"But we digress" Michael pointed out, peering at the sat nav to make sure he was going the right way "You were telling me why you haven't spoken in such a long time?"

Louis swallowed uncomfortably, shifting around in his seat with a nervous twitch.

"Ok" he said finally "But you can't tell anyone what I'm about to tell you!"

 

Louis didn't tell Michael the truth.  Just the story he had made up and told to his mum, about how William had beat up his boyfriend, hoping he was remembering the correct reason.

It was difficult, he kept forgetting what he was saying mid sentence, stumbling over his words, and he could feel himself getting more and more agitated the more he spoke.  He hated lying to Michael, and was so worried that his friend would see signs in how he was muffling his voice but holding his hand up to his mouth, the jerky twitch his right knee had developed, or the fact that he could barely look at Michael...or gain eye contact.  He made up how he was scared of him and didn't want to see him again, and no matter how much time had passed by, he would never be able to forget the look in Mark's eyes that night.

That bit was true.  Brown eyes haunted his dreams on a recurring basis.

Michael asked him questions.  Lots of them.  Why had William attacked Mark?  Had he ever been violent before or since?  Had he ever said he was sorry?  Where they close before?  Did Louis have a favourite memory of the two of them?  Would Harry being friends with William be an issue for Louis?

"Of course it's an issue!"  Louis exclaimed, twisting around in his seat "It's the biggest issue!  I've moved on!  I'm happy!  I don't want him around!  I don't want him talking to Harry and telling him things about me!  About us!  Harry's my life!  Not his!  He's going to ruin everything!  Just by being here...he could ruin everything!"

"And you think the same thing about Amy?"

"Amy's different" Louis argued, his upper lip curled in the definition of disgust at the thought.

"Why?"

"Because?  Because I don't want him to be with her...in that way!"

"Why not?"

"There's Nando's" Louis pointed out, signifying an end of the conversation.  Michael raised his eyes once more, but didn't push.  He's been reading between the lines for the entire conversation, reading Louis' body language, observing (where he could), the tone of his voice, the flashing of his eyes, the nervous twitches in his limbs, the abrupt change of subject.  He wasn't an expert.  But he knew Louis...more than Louis probably realised...enough to know that something had gone on....

There were two points that Michael couldn't put make any sense of.  The way Louis said he didn't want William telling Harry _anything about us!_ , and how Louis looked and sounded as he objected to Amy and William.  

It almost sounded as though Louis was....jealous...

 

Louis and Michael were gone for a long time.  Harry wasn't too worried, but he was slightly concerned, although he was certain that if Louis wasn't able to talk to him, he would definitely be able to confide in his 'dad'.

Jay and Wendy sat together, exchanging stories about Louis - which Harry listened to, enjoying every one of them.  He loved listening to stories about his boyfriend almost as much as he loved creating the moments himself.

"Helloooo!" 

Harry's face broke into a grin as he heard Niall and Liam arriving, jogging out of the kitchen to greet them.

"Where the fuck did you get to last night?" Niall cackled in greeting, giving Harry a dig in the ribs "So where is he then?"

"Louis and Michael are getting some dinner, and...what can I say, when you gotta leave, you gotta leave" he tried to make light of the situation.

"Zayn called us.  William had a chat with him this morning" Liam filled in Harry "How is Louis today?  Is William coming over?"

Liam always had the most sympathetic face in a time of crises.  It must be those puppy dog eyes.  As much. as Michael was a dad to Louis, Liam would always be that type of friend to the boys.

"Not entirely sure" Harry shrugged "It was quite scary at first - like he went into shock - which is why I took him home.  Then he wanted to talk to Will, then he was..." He remembered how much Louis had physically wanted him for the first time "he was more than fine and he invited Will over here himself...now...he's not...something about Amy and Will kissing last night got him in a foul mood"

Liam and Niall exchanged glances "Let's hope no one mentions it to him that Will spent the night with Amy then" Niall looked a little impish "But why would that bother Louis...he's gay for a start...he's with you...does he fancy Amy?"

Harry rolled his eyes.  That was not something that concerned him.  Was it him being possessive over his people? Or something else?  He had no clue.

 

Harry had barely ushered the boys and ladies into the living room before there was a knocking on the front door.  Laden with boxes and bags were Louis and Michael, and Harry had never been more relieved to see the hopeful, slightly ashamed expression on his boys face.

"Got your chicken!" Louis piped up shuffling through the door, passing the top few boxes to Harry before they toppled over and shuffled into the kitchen.

"Is he ok?" Harry murmured to Michael as he passed.

Michael hesitated before answering, which Harry took immediately to be a bad sign.

"He's feeling a bit better" he whispered diplomatically "Think he needed to talk to someone who wasn't involved...and considering I didn't know he had a twin...that makes me very impartial...but..." He sighed deeply "I would be lying if I told you that everything's ok" he finished looking like he had a headache "I think...you know, this probably isn't the best time to talk about this"

"What?" Harry hissed urgently.  Louis was close to Michael, and Harry was certain that Louis would talk to him about anything.  Michael probably knew more about Louis than he did.  If he was concerned about something - then Harry knew it really was something to seriously worry about!

"I think Louis' got some issues he needs to address" Michael admitted quietly in Harry's ear "It could just be me.  I only know Louis' side of the story...but this problem he's got with his brother is really worrying me"

"Louis and William are fine" Harry almost laughed with relief "They talked last night, and this morning.  I know it's going to be difficult for him to begin with...but I am one hundred per cent certain that they'll work things out"

Michael's expression had been blank as he listened, growing more thoughtful as Harry protested.

"Is there any chance you think that because you want to be friends with William and you feel guilty for being so behind Louis' back?" He asked calmly, and Harry got the instant feeling of sitting in front of a psychiatrist "Are you trying to make them get along to make yourself feel better?  Is it possible that Louis is only doing this to please you?"

"Yeah" Harry conceded "I guess he could be.  But..." He argued "You didn't hear how Louis was talking about him last night and you don't hear what William says about how much he loves and misses his brother.  It was just one little argument between the two of them that got pulled out of proportion, I'm certain of it.  All they need is some time together and Louis will remember how much he misses William"

 

"Are you two coming?" called Louis from the door, holding a stack of plates, all ready to pass them out to the rest of the party in the living room "Dinner's going to be cold!"

"Be right there kiddo" called back Michael, grinning at his 'son' until he disappeared through the other door.  He turned quickly back to Harry.

"Do you really think this was just a small argument?" He asked, fighting his instincts to sound amazed.

Harry nodded.  He knew Louis.  He knew William.  ok, so the story he'd been told hadn't been great.  But things were different now.

"I think there's a lot more to it than a fight over an ex boyfriend" he whispered, alerting Harry to the fact that this was information that he had leant from Jay - not Louis, who had obviously told Michael.  That stung.  Why couldn't Louis confide in him about this stuff?  He'd asked him about it lots of times.

"Harry, you're very close to both of them, and I know you just want to stick on those rose coloured glasses and see the best possible outcome.  But I think we need to be very careful when it comes to those twins" Michael carried on, hand over his mouth in order to keep quiet "The way Louis was talking..." He stopped and rubbed his face "He was lying every other sentence.  Louis doesn't lie Harry.  Especially not to me.  And if he has to lie to prevent himself from telling me something...then it must be pretty bad.  It worries me"

"I thought you were a pharmacist not a psychiatrist" Harry sounded petulant.  He was sure that Michael was making a big deal out of nothing.

"I just know Louis....Yes we're coming!" He shouted back to an increasingly irate Louis, who stomped up to him, grabbing the food containers out of his hands, and stomping back to the others, muttering something about Michael _only had one job to do_!

"So what happens now?" asked Harry "They're both going to be here this evening, and to be honest, I really don't think Lou can take any more drama...or William"

'Or me' he added silently to himself.  He couldn't say that out loud....he'd sound selfish.

"Just be wary" Michael told him honestly "And don't push Louis too hard over his brother.  I would hate for something to happen to your relationship because of it"

Harry and Michael shared a look of contemplation, only interrupted by Wendy and Jay bustling out to inform them, that as much as it would be interesting to spend the evening with a group of rowdy twenty-somethings, they were going out for a mummy dinner, possibly some drinks...and they shouldn't wait up!

 

"Guys?"

Louis stood in the doorway to the living room, a huge plate of food in his hands, a frown spoiling his lovely face.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing babe" Harry promised, leaving all thoughts of what Michael was worried about in the hallway "What we doing tonight?"

When Harry joined his boys in the living room, he wasn't the slightest bit surprised that Jay and Wendy had decided to bail on their evening in.  Niall was sat on the floor, legs stretched out under the coffee table, tucking into chicken, chips and beer with gusto - Liam who was used to it, was flicking through the movie channels, bottle in hand - his own plate of selected sustenance carefully out of range of the hungry Irishman.

Grinning in the most adorable fashion, Louis jumped onto the settee, pulling Harry down besides him, swinging his shorter legs over Harry's thighs and snuggling under his arm.

"Liam's finding us a film to watch" he reported "Apparently it's scary...so you should really stay very close to me" he giggled "In case you get scared!"

"Oh really?" Harry smirked, wrapping his arms securely around Louis' shoulders and pulling him close with a small growl "Maybe you should be scared of me!" capturing Louis' mouth in a rough kiss that made him squeak in surprise and delight, letting Harry pull him onto his lap, gently sucking on his tongue and slipping his hands underneath his t-shirt, spanning them across his back, pushing him into his chest.  

"This was not the type of film I had in mind!" Niall piped up from somewhere in the room, Harry fedling something solid and warm hit him on his cheek.  

Regrettfully, Harry and Louis drew away from each other, the smaller boy slipping off his boyfriends lap to get them both some dinner.  Harry was most pleased, when instead of sitting besides him, Louis sat back on his lap again, cuddling up together as they ate from the same plate. This was exactly what Harry wanted.  To be close to his baby, to cuddle him, kiss him, feed him bits of chicken, smush mashed potato on his nose - giving him the perfect excuse to lick it off!

"Ew Louis!" came Amy's strangled laughter suddenly "I did not come over to watch you do that!"

"Amy!" Squealed Louis using Harry as a spring board to lunch himself into the air and nearly knocking her to the ground "I thought you were never gonna come!" and proceeded to cuddle Amy so tight, it looked like he was going to attempt to climb up her at any moment!

"Wow" Amy wheezed, taken aback by the sudden display of affection "I missed you too Lou" she managed to wave over Louis' shoulder at the other boys already in the room "Hey" and gave Harry a weird look.  Clearly this was not normal behaviour.

Harry couldn't help but feel slightly snubbed at the way he was just pushed aside, rubbing his cheek where Louis had accidently hit him in the face in his mad scramble to get to his friend.  A low voice in his ear didn't make everything better either.

"So?  Who told him about me and Amy" William asked him flatly, leaning over the back of the settee to talk right into Harry's ear "He's gonna start pissing on her in a sec to make sure his territory is properly marked!"

In other circumstances Harry would have laughed and told William to stop being ridiculous - but after the way Louis had reacted earlier...the twin kind of had a point.

"He's just happy to see her" Harry shrugged, watching with keen eyes as Louis started to drag Amy out into the kitchen telling her that he made sure they got her favourite drinks and a Black Forest gateaux for desert, which was also Amy's favourite.

"He hasn't seen his other best friend today" William casually commented, vaulting over the back of the settee and slouching down next to Harry "Cheers mate" he thanked Zayn who had handed him a bottle of cider, and was cracking open a beer bottle for himself.

Charlotte, who had also just arrived was sitting on Michael's lap, talking animatedly to him about the day she and Amy had spent with Perrie, but looking distracted as she listened to Louis gushing to Amy about how pretty her new jacket looked on her.  Harry realised that Louis hadn't even looked at Charlotte since she'd arrived.  Looked like he wasn't the only one feeling sore over Louis' sudden affection for Amy.

"So you and Amy huh?" Harry asked for something to say "Didn't see that one coming.  But good for you mate - she'll be just right for you"

William gave him an odd look "Calm down" he frowned "There is no me and Amy"

"But Liam said you two...."

"Slept in the same room and shared an iPod" William was quick to put him straight "Nothing happened"

"But Lou said he saw you..."

"She gave me a birthday kiss" William corrected again shaking his head "It was a quick peck if anything...nothing else happened...nothing more is going to happen.  She's a nice girl, I'm sure we'll be very good friends" he gave Harry a decisive nod as he trailed off, craning his neck to look out into the hallway, either looking for her or Louis.

"Never say never" Harry pointed out "Maybe once you get to know her..."

"Harry!  I'm not interested.  Get over it" William chuckled finishing his bottle of cider, then rummaging around in the take away cartons on the coffee table and picking up a chicken leg "Lush" he commented thickly through a mouthful "I am so hungry" he finished off "Girls do not know how to stop shopping!"

"And boys do not know how to stop moaning!" Piped up Charlotte, sitting down on the floor in front of them, sipping on a straw stuck into a bottle with Orange liquid in it "You didn't have to come with us"

"You said you weren't taking no for an answer" William raised his eyebrows "It was three against one.  Zayn wasn't exactly much help!"

Zayn who was sat with Liam, Michael and Niall discussing which games console was better - XBox One or the Playstation 4 - looked up at his name and smirked "You took one for the team Ed man!" 

"And we got to know Louis' brother" beamed Charlotte before adding "And we realised we are best friends with the right twin!"

A chip bounced off her nose.  But William was smirking in a happy way - clearly they didn't think he was that bad.

"Where have they got to?" Harry murmured half an hour of no Amy and Louis.  He got up, stretching his legs out and made a beeline for the kitchen.  It was empty.  Seeing the back door open, Harry strode to it, throwing it wide open and sighing in exasperation as he laid eyes upon Amy and Louis sitting together in his swing seat- both staring at him like deers in headlights until they burst into giggles, a coil of smoke spiralling into the dark sky.

Marvelous!  Amy and Louis were high...again...

"I thought I smelt something" Zayn commented, breezing past Harry and going to join the two hooligans on the patio, taking the half finished joint from between Amy's finger tips "You joining us H?"

"I'm fine" replied Harry through gritted teeth.  He really did not like Louis smoking at the best of times, let alone something illegal...Amy was not the golden girl by any measure.

"Give Ed a shout then" Zayn told him, slipping the filter between his lips and inhaling deeply, closing his eyes, leaning back and rocking the swing.

"Zayn has really long eyelashes" Louis suddenly exclaimed, leaning so close to the boy and poking his cheek with a wayward finger "Do you fancy him?" he asked Amy playfully "Cos he's engaged!"

"Zayn is very beautiful" stated Amy seriously "The most beautiful man I have ever seen!"

"Prettier than me?" Louis exclaimed, sounding high and offended, attempting to pout, but just burst into hyperactive laughing again.

There was no way that Harry was going anywhere.  He wished it was him squished into that swing seat and not Amy and Zayn - who was looking very bemused by the conversation that was going on over his lap. He walked over and squatted down in front of Louis.

"Baby, you going to come and cuddle up with me?" he asked, putting on his biggest smile "I'm getting lonely in there without you"

Louis looked cynical as he leant forwards "But I need to stay here with Amy" he said meaningfully as though Harry knew exactly what he was talking about "I'm her friend and I like her more than anyone else does!"

Harry noticed that Louis was squeezing Amy's hand so tightly that if she hadn't have been away with the fairies (or telling Zayn exactly how beautiful she thought Perrie was), it would have most probably hurt her.

Harry admitted mentally that William had been right - Louis might as well be urinating on the girl!

"Up you get little one" Harry said lightly heaving Louis up into his arms and carrying him back into the house and through to the living room.

There was a small scream provided by Charlotte as their entrance loudly interrupted the film the rest of them were watching - by the sound of it, Liam had chosen a scary one!

"Where's she gone?" whined Louis loudly pawing at Harry's face.  Eyes glassy and unfocused, a faint sheen of sweat was forming on his forehead, and his legs that gripped Harry's hips were shaking slightly.

"What's wrong?" 

William was by their side in an instant, eyes wide and worried, trying to pull Louis out of Harry's arms as though he felt he could do a better job of comforting his twin than Harry could.

"He's fine, I've got him" Harry snapped at William.  As much as it wasn't actually his mates fault, Harry felt like this was all William's fault....or was it Louis' fault for overeacting?  Or was it Michael's fault for worrying Harry?  Somebody had to be to blame here!

Around him Liam had paused the film, and in the dim light, Charlotte, Liam, Niall and Michael were watching the three of them with serious, confused expressions.

"Where is he?" Louis gasped suddenly whipping his head around desperately "He has her!  Stop it Harry!  Stop them!"

"Amy's with Zayn baby" Harry tried to reassure him, squeezing him so tightly to prevent William from grabbing Louis from his arms "Everything is ok and I love you. You just need to calm down" miming breathing in and out deeply to show Louis what to do "I love you so much baby, just breathe.  Everything is ok"

"I am calm!" Louis raised his voice frantically, not calm in the slightest but even more worked up than before.

"Harry!  Give him to me!" William demanded, securing his arms again around Louis's waist, pressing his cheek against his brothers back, more or less hugging him from behind.

"You're upsetting him" hissed Harry, finding it difficult to support a struggling Louis in his arms and to fend off his twin - who he could tell was getting angry with Harry for not giving him his way.

"I'm going to put him to bed" Harry decided quickly, worried by how erratic his breathing was sounding "Michael come help me?"

"I can help you!" William grasped "Will you just trust me on this?"

"Help by getting Amy and bringing her here" Harry snapped back, sure that Louis wouldn't calm unless he saw her safe and sound.  And probably without William....

Louis was now crying, fighting Harry's embrace - who had no idea what the best thing was to calm him, and by the worried expressions on his friends - they didn't either.

"Harry give him to me!" William burst out desperately, looking imploringly into Harry eyes "Please!"

"Give Louis to William Harry" came the soothing lilt of Michael's voice, laying a cool hand on his arm "Let him try"

Harry gave him a look that clearly questioned Michael's sanity.  Hadn't Michael just told him how wary he was of Louis' twin?

"I just want to see something" Michael murmured "If it doesn't work, we'll just take him back"

Harry glared at him.  He didn't like that idea in the slightest, but he hated seeing his boyfriend so distressed, it was making his chest hurt to watch, and his muscles were beginning to ache under the strain of keeping his body so rigid to support him.

"Have you got him?" He asked stiffly, and after a vigerous nod from William, reluctantly loosened his grip on Louis.

"Come here Boo" William whispered in Louis' ear, ignoring how Louis was kicking out and easing him out of Harry's arms, and carrying him to the settee, sitting his twin on his lap, pushing one hand against his face and pressing it into his shoulder "Everything is ok" he assured him in the same gentle tone "But you need to calm down for us"

Louis' mouth was shut in a tight thin line, his cheeks reddening, eyes bugging out of their sockets as William held him so tightly that he could barely move.  

"It's not working!" Harry insisted, going to sit with them and take his boyfriend back.  But Michael stopped him.

"Just watch" he murmured, gripping Harry's arm.  He turned to Charlotte, Liam and Niall - all of which were staring at the twins in antripidation "Do you mind going to join the others for a few minutes" he asked politely.  

Harry glared at him.  How could he be sounding this calm?  He was just itching to be with Louis.  Soothing him, calming him, making him feel better...

"Stop it!"

Louis had kicked out at William angrily, forcing his twin to grab his legs, tightly holding them together.

"Look at me!" William demanded "I know you're worried.  I know I've pissed you off and...listen to me!" 

Louis had opened his mouth to speak, but William had slapped his hand across his mouth.

"You have nothing to fear Boo" he insisted, deeply passionate "I'm not going to take Harry from you.  I'm not going to date Amy.  They love you!  Now if you just get a grip and settle down you can cuddle up with them and they'll show you how much they love you, because you need that right now don't you?"

Harry had been listening to intently to William's words that he hadn't noticed how Louis had quietened down.  But there he was, laying in William's arms like a baby whilst his twin rocked him gently, whispering so quietly to him, smoothing his hair and his cheek.

"It's all different now" William whispered, making sure that Louis was the only one who heard him "I love you Boo and I'm sorry.  I will never tell anyone, but you have got to stop acting crazy because you are just going to make people question things.  Ok?"

Louis slowly nodded, but still looked eratic.

"Nothing will happen with Amy and I" William promised "You are too important to me.  I care about your feelings too much.  And Harry loves you so much.  And you are really worrying him right now, because he doesn't know what's going on in your head"

William smiled down at his twin.  It was just like when they were younger.  Louis was silently crying, but he was relaxed in his arms.

"Do you feel better?"

Louis nodded and William delicately started to sit him up.  Louis was looking straight into William's eyes, telling his twin with one look, more than any of his words could say.  And then, right in front of Harry and Michael, Louis surged forward, arms thrown around William's neck and pressing a kiss to his twins cheek.

"I miss you" he slurred, kissing his cheek again "Is it over yet?"

Harry and Michael heard this loud and clear and both looked at each other quizzically, straining to hear the reply.

"It's over when you choose it to be" William replied, closing his eyes tightly and holding Louis impossibly close to him, brushing his lips in his hair "Its all up to you Boo, you're in control of this.  You always have been"

He beckoned to Harry to come over, who didn't need asking twice.

"You need to get some sleep you little pot head!" He smirked as Harry scooped him into his arms, kissing every inch of his face.  Louis turned back to William, still silent - his expression unreadable.

"I'm gonna go home"  William told Harry and Louis "If you need anything...well you both know how to reach me"

Harry nodded.  He was used to William up and leaving.  Louis however, let out a small whimper, a bit like a child, and reached out for his twin who was making a move to go.  Seeing the gesture, William grabbed Louis' fingers and gave them a little squeeze.

"If you need anything" he repeated.  Patted Harry on the shoulder and disappeared into the hallway...Michael following close behind him.

 

Since William had arrived, Michael had kept a close eye on him...and Louis' reaction to him.  There was a puzzle there, and Michael was determined to get to the bottom of it.  

Louis hadn't even looked for William when he'd heard Amy's voice.  He'd just jumped on her, more protective and possessive than just a casual greeting, and segregated her from the others as soon as possible.

William on the other hand, hadn't taken his eyes off Louis from the moment he walked through the door.  Even when he was talking with Harry at the settee.  His eyes radiating with unhappiness followed Louis and every little move he made.  When Harry had carried Louis inside, all anxious and jittery and whining, William was at their side before Michael had even realised they were in the room.  The anguish written all over William's face, the worry as he begged Harry to give him his brother.

Little by little, Michael tried to look at things from a different perspective.  He watched as William pleaded with Harry, trying to pull his twin out of his arms, and tried to imagine what it would look like if William had been the one holding Louis, and Harry had been begging to hold his boyfriend.  It would have looked exactly the same...

He remembered his little chat with William.  There was this look that washed over his face as he spoke of Louis.  Soft, wistful, romantic even....it had seemed out of place at the time...but now...he needed to see more.

So he urged Harry to let William take Louis.  Watching at how William eased his twin into his arms, carrying him to the settee and sitting him down on his lap so carefully, so lovingly.  As though Louis was the most precious, delicate ornament.

Yes, Louis had struggled a little, and kicked out.  But he was quiet.  Listening to William's whispered words, that soft, loving look back in his eyes and smile, settling Louis down.  If Louis had really been that angry as he had been in the car...that would not have happened.  His observation was only amplified when Louis surged forward on his own accord and hugged his twin.  Telling him that he missed him, in a slurred, yet painfully lost tone.

Then there was the expression of utter relief, desire and unmasked pleasure on William's face as Louis kissed his cheeks.

"Impossible" Michael muttered to himself, feeling slightly deaf to everything going on around him as William made to leave.  His mind was reeling.  Could that actually be possible?  Was he right?  Was he reading too much into it?

In a split second, he decided to take a gamble and followed William out of the room.

 

"It is over isn't it?" Michael asked William at the front door "Your special relationship with your brother"  There was no emotion on his face, asking the question as easily as if he was asking about the weather.  But William looked a mixture of every emotion under the sun. 

"I don't know what you're talking about" he spluttered, his skin going a chalky white, exposing his inner fear.

Michael took him by the shoulder, and walked him outside.

"How far did it go?" he asked casually "I'm thinking all the way.  Am I right?"

William's mouth fell open, giving his answer away.  Michael nodded slowly.

"Just wondered" he shrugged "Thank you for being honest.  Drive safely"

William stood and stared at Michael's retreating back until he reached the front door, turned, and gave a cheery little wave before he shut the front door.  How on earth did he know?!

 

Last night it had been Louis with the questions.  Tonight it was Harry.  After tucking Louis up in his big bed, Harry sat on the edge of it, watching his boyfriend sleep. A million questions running through his mind.  Michaels words replaying in his head.  Seeing how Louis had calmed in William's arms.  Hearing the words that William said which he was sure his mate considered unheard.

He had no idea what to think.  What to say.  Everything was contradicting everything else.  Nothing was adding up.  Louis would say he hated William, then he said he missed him.  Louis would tell him that William hated him, then he'd say that his twin loved him....which he knew was true...William really loved Louis.  

Much more than he'd experienced anyone love a sibling.  Was it just guilt?  Was he expressing these feelings because he felt guilty over something he'd done?  The new possibilities were endless and Harry just felt....lost...helpless...in the dark.

In his head he started thinking about all he knew about the twins.

Jay told him that they were very close.  Inseperable.  Did everything and planned everything together.

They fell out because William had beat up Louis ex boyfriend - why?  What made William beat him up?  Why did Louis disown him for it?  Had he really loved this guy that much?  So much it was worth ruining his relationship with his twin over.

Then there were the songs.  You and I, Moments - beautiful, heart felt words to beautiful melodies...William's feelings for Louis.  Feelings William had never expressed about any other girl...or boy...he hadn't been dating or in a relationship the whole time Harry had known him...of course, neither had he...but he had mostly been waiting for Louis.  William just hadn't shown any interest in anyone.  Not even Amy.  He wasn't even going to attempt to get to know her!

Except...there was one person he talked about, showed interest in, expressed emotion about....

Louis.

Everything in William's world revolved around Louis.  Was that the real problem.

Had William love Louis....too much?

 

There was a soft knock at the bedroom door.  Seeing Louis was fast asleep, and needing some kind of distraction from his head space, Harry rubbed his hands down his face once more and went to see who was looking for him.

"Hey" he greeted Michael softly, not wanting to wake his baby "Louis' asleep, everything alright?"

Michael shuffled uncomfortably "I was wondering if we could talk?"


	37. Chapter 37

"I like your friends" Michael started as he sat down on the swing seat in Harry's back garden "They're really nice people"

"Uh, thanks" Harry replied, sitting beside him and leaning back, letting the seat swing gently under him "I like your friends too...well I love one of them very much"

Michael smiled.  He had a nice smile.  Warm, relaxed, honest.

"Don't you think it's strange how things progress" he stated, looking up at the stars dotted about in the inky blackness of the night "They say there's nout as queer as folk, and yet there's a lot of truth in that isn't there?"

He gave Harry a shrewd look, then continued.

"I mean, look at the world we're in today, compared to how it was only a few years ago" he pointed out "We have gay marriage, Obama is president, we're gaining equal rights between men and women in all aspects of life...things our past generations would have thought of as impossible back in their time"

Harry thought about it and agreed.  Times had changed, things had progressed, minds were more open than they used to be.

"Did you know that there are some countries that used to abide by the death penalty if a couple were repeatedly caught having a same sex relationship?" Michael asked suddenly "Fortunately, that has been abolished, but in those same countries you can still be arrested and locked up for it"

Harry frowned.  What was Michael getting at?

"They say that a lot of who we are when we grow up reflects greatly on things we learnt as a child" Michael was saying, still innocently looking up at the sky "Things our parents do that we copy, rules they made that we abided by and pass on to our children...things we experienced when in some cases we were too innocent to either know better or different"

"What are you talking about?" Harry wondered aloud, not wanting to sound rude, but having no idea where these deep thoughts were coming from.

"Say you lived in one of those countries I mentioned" Michael said suddenly "And you met Louis and fell in love with him...not realising that you preferred men over women, just that you loved him.  What would you do?  Would you risk the two of you getting caught?"

"I'd never risk him coming to any harm" Harry replied honestly "I would rather know he was safe and well and suffer my own feelings for him in silence than have anything happen to him!"

"What if it was mutual?"

"I'd tell him I loved him with all my heart, but I need to keep him safe...and if it got too hard to be near him I'd leave" Harry nodded "Or rather I would take us both somewhere where we would be free to just be together...happy and together"

"But you would leave him to keep him safe"

"Definitely.  He's my top priority"

"And say you got caught with him?  What would you do?"

"Kick the shit out of the guy who caught us to prevent him from talking!" Harry growled, lost in the moment of what he would do to protect Louis from danger "Then...I don't know...I'd probably feel so guilty about the position I'd put him in...I'd probably keep my distance...until things were safe again"

Michael hummed thoughtfully at his reply.

"It is the natural response isn't it.  Protect the people you love, no matter what personal cost...even if you lose the one you love...you do what you think is right"

"How do people even decide what is wrong or right?" Harry mused, getting into Michael's train of thought.

"Some people think things are wrong because they don't understand it" Michael offered "and that makes people afraid...of the unknown, of the consequences...what their peers would think of them...it's a pretty non exhaustive list to be fair...fortunately people have been speaking out for a long time...giving us..." He indicated to himself and Harry "The luxury that we enjoy today"

"There was this boyband I met once" Harry remembered, thinking back to before when he had first considered being in a band "I went to see them play live with Gem - my sister.  She was absolutely crazy about them!  She had all the merchandise, and believe me...they did everything!" He laughed at the memory "They even had their own brand of duct tape!  Mum thought it was hilarious when she asked if we could go to B&Q to look for it...anyway, so we were at this gig...and she pointed out these two guys on stage and told me to watch them"

"What happened?" Michael asked

"Well I kinda liked one of the others, so I was more into looking in his direction than theirs" Harry admitted with a small smile "Gemma insisted on showing me all these videos later that night.  All about how the two she had pointed out, had been rumoured to be in a secret relationship with each other, and some fans had put together all this evidence...all those little looks they gave each other that they didn't think the cameras would pick up upon, how they couldn't seem to go a minute in an interview without one grazing his finger against the others arm, or a little wink, or playing with the others hair...it looked so real and so obvious that they were head over heels in love with each other"

"Were they together?"

Harry shrugged "I have no idea" he admitted "I did follow them for a while.  They had so many fans that believed in them - who desperately wanted them to be a couple, even more than being in a relationship with the boys themselves.  One of them had a long term girlfriend...which I just couldn't buy into because...well..." He smirked at Michael "You and I have more chemistry than they did!"

His face relaxed once more, deep in concentration.

"The point is...like you were saying...its not that long ago that being gay was frowned upon...disliked...taboo...but it only struck me back then how time has changed so much, and opinions have become so well rounded and open minded that millions of people are pretty much begging two of their favourite people to be gay....how amazing is that!  Millions of people have seen what they interpret as love and not given a shit who it's between.  And if this is happening now....can you imagine how bright the future is going to be?"

"Makes you feel pretty powerful doesn't it?" Michael commented lightly.  He looked at Harry and smiled.

"Lou talks about you all the time" he told Harry "Even before he met you.  He was always singing your songs in the pharmacy or stropping about some comment he'd read about you and didn't agree on"

Harry smiled bashfully.  

"He always had our back then?"

"Number one fan alright" Michael confirmed with a chuckle "But yours especially.  You were his favourite, obviously you still are...he was never happier than when he was talking about you...even without you knowing, you have been the most positive aspect of Louis' life for years"

"I just wish I had met him sooner" admitted Harry thinking about how much time he might have wasted "We could have had three extra years together"

Michael shook his head "I think you met him at the perfect time.  If it was meant to be any other way, it would have been"

"You're very philosophical tonight" commented Harry after a pause "Any particular reason?"

"What do you like about Lou?"  Michael asked, brushing off Harry's question with one of his own.

Harry smiled broadly.  Louis was by far his favourite topic of conversation.  He wriggled around in his seat to get more comfortable.  

"Well for starters I love him" he corrected gently, the biggest smile washing across his face as he thought about his baby.

"And I have no idea where to start.  It's like, if I was to think up the perfect person, it would be Louis.  He really is everything I've always wanted!  We have so much fun when we're together.  He's so funny, especially when he's not even trying to be.  He's got the biggest heart, and he doesn't seem to grasp how intelligent he is.  I love it when I wake up first in the morning and see his sleeping face, so peaceful and content, and he's always holding onto me.  I love it when we cook together and he tries to help but has no idea what he's doing!" Harry's voice was getting softer and slower "I love it when he's not expecting me to be back so soon and I surprise him.  For a split second his face always goes blank, like he can't believe what he's seeing, and then..." His tone changed, looking far away into the distance as though he was right there surprising his boyfriend "This huge smile just lights up his face and he runs to me and jumps into my arms, and clings to me so tightly, whispering in my ear how much he's missed me and how much he loves me!"

He stopped.  Michael went to speak, but Harry carried on.

"Being with him makes me a better person.  Have you ever met someone where you want to be the best person you can be...for them?  You think they are so perfect, that you feel you have to be just as perfect to just deserve them looking at you" he smiled, completely smitten "I would do anything just to get a smile from Louis.  I want to make him as happy as he makes me"

"You are the best thing to ever happen to Lou" Michael stated "I know I was a bit hard on you at first...."

"I would have done the same" Harry assured him quickly 

"You two are so similar in the most important aspects.  Just like you, he doesn't judge people.  If someone has done something unfortunate in his past - if they have changed and learned from the experience - he would never hold it against them" he glanced at Harry with a mysterious look in his eye "Just like you.  I think you would give them the opportunity to state their case"

"What exactly are we talking about?" Harry asked frowning.  It felt like Michael was talking in riddles.

"Well, hypothetically speaking, say I had something..." Michael searched for the right words "....unconventional in my past...would you hear me out?  Or just...erm...send me to the chopping block?"

Harry's face was deadly serious "Michael, I know we don't know each other well, but I consider you a friend.  If there is anything you want to talk to me about, I'm here for you" 

Harry looked so sincere, so concerned.  Louis had been right.  Harry really was the kind, caring man that his boyfriend had always insisted he was.

"I really appreciate that" Michael smiled, feeling relieved by the response he'd been searching for "I hope that state of mind stays with you always, for everyone who crosses your path.  It's such an amazing quality Harry, and you have no idea how rare it is.  But don't worry.  There are no skeletons in my closet"

"If someone gives me the privilege of letting me in their life, and they trust me enough to share something...unconventional...that is a big deal to them," Harry stated "Then what kind of person would it make me to not help them through whatever it was" he took a breath "I mean, if I found out something about one of my boys...Liam.  Niall.  Zayn. Louis.  William.  Nick. Even Amy, Charlotte and Wendy.  I would do everything I could to help them, even if I didn't like what they were telling me"

It was better than Michael could have imagined.  Harry was so loyal.

Harry eyed Michael with curiosity.

"Seriously Michael" he demanded sounding worried "Is everything ok?  Is Lou ok?  What's going on?"

"Don't look so panicked" Michael insisted, patting Harry's knee "I was just making conversation"

Harry looked relieved, his shoulders visibly relaxing.

"Sorry" he apologised "I'm a bit tense...it's been a rough couple of days" he watched Michael out of the corner of his eye "I don't know what to do about Lou" he admitted mournfully "I wish he would let me in to what he's thinking...my imagination is on overdrive....I think I'm starting to lose the plot!"

"Want to talk about it?" Michael asked kindly, "Might be good to get it off your chest" 

Harry considered it, saying all his garbled thoughts aloud, realising that he couldn't. Michael would be convinced he was crazy...William having feelings for his twin...that was just the mark of an overly paranoid man!  

"Thanks, but I'm alright" he said to Michael "I should probably talk to Lou about it before I talk to anyone else.  It's only right.  I would probably feel hurt if he talked to anyone else about me, besides if I talk to him more about what I'm thinking, it might encourage Lou to open up to me more"

"Louis' very lucky to have you as his boyfriend" Michael commented looking wistful "Someone so supportive and as loving as you"

"What's your story?" Harry asked suddenly "Are you with someone?"

Michael smiled but looked a little downcast "No" he said shaking his head "I haven't been with someone for many years.  But it's ok because I'd rather not be with anyone, than someone who I'm not sure about"

"In for the long haul eh?"

Michael nodded looking optimistic "Yes" he agreed "I'll meet someone when the time is right" he finished quietly.

"What....."

Michael's phone started to ring in his pocket.  Fishing it out and taking a quick look at the screen before answering.

It was Wendy, a little bit tipsy, and asking if Michael could come and collect her and Jay because they were a bit wary of getting a strange taxi in the city.  Promising he'd be on his way, Michael hung up.

"You know, if there is anything you want to talk about, at any time, no matter how ridiculas you think it is, I have a lot of time for you" Michael told him gently "I'll see you in a bit.  Hopefully they don't wander off before I get there!"

 

Harry didn't hesitate on going straight back to his bedroom.  Slipping through the door and closing it as silently as possible, Harry could see the vague outline of Louis' curled up body under his duvet.

Creeping closer, Harry sat down on the edge of the bed on his boyfriends side.  He was fast asleep, his hair all cute and ruffled, his lips slightly parted, looking so peaceful and comfortable.

"I know you're sleeping" Harry whispered, stroking Louis' hair with the tips of his fingers "But I need to talk to you about some stuff, but I probably need practice before I tell you out loud.  So maybe if you're asleep, you might hear me in your dreams, and it won't be so hard to say when you're awake"

He got more comfortable, carefully, he didn't want to wake his baby up, and there were some things he wasn't sure he was ready to say if those baby blue eyes were open.

"We haven't been together long" he started, smiling fondly at the sleeping boy and resisting the urge to touch his soft cheek "And for you this is all new.  But for me, I feel as though I've been with you for years, because I knew I was yours from the moment I saw you.  The first time I saw you was in a photograph on William's laptop...I was waiting for him to finish a song so we could go out for dinner, and I found a picture of you with him in an album that I was looking at just to pass the time."

Harry swept his fingers through his hair, remembering how he felt when he first laid eyes on Louis.

"You looked identical, but you looked so different to me.  I have never felt my stomach swoop like it did when I first met your brother.  William had an album of pictures just of you," he continued "And I can remember every single one of them, because they just replayed in my mind all the time, wishing that I could meet you, talk to you" he chuckled softly "I would have done anything just to be in the same room as you, and have you look in my direction"

Harry's face turned serious for a split second.  

"The first time I saw you in person, you were in hospital.  I don't know the exact story, and I'm not going to ask you about it.  But I want you to know - on some level - that I saw you there"

Remembering how small and pale Louis had looked asleep in his hospital bed, was not something that Harry liked to mentally revisit.  Louis had looked nothing like the boy who was in bed in front of him now, and Harry hoped he would never see him look as grey and wrecked as he had done that morning.

"William turned up on my doorstep late at night.  He was a complete mess.  Sobbing his heart out because you could have died and he hadn't been there."

For a split second he was right there, hugging William as he cried into his shoulder.

"I let him cry, I hugged him and then I drove him back" Harry whispered "We went straight to the hospital, because although William wanted to see me and have me comfort him.  The only place he really wanted to be, was with you.  He called you his inspiration.  Before you woke up, he gave me the scribbled lyrics to Moments that he wrote on the train.  It didn't even have a title then.  But that's why he wrote it.  It's one of the most beautiful songs I've ever sung, with real emotion because I know how and why it was written.  You don't know that.  I don't know if he has, or will ever tell you.  But I feel as though I should, because I don't want to keep any more secrets from you"

The guilt that Harry felt from all the past secrets he'd had to keep from Louis was squeezing painfully at his chest.  He bit his lip.

"I'm so sorry about everything baby" he whispered, even softer than before "For everything that you should have known, and everything you found out last night.  William and I never wanted you to find out like that, and I wish we could go back in time and sit you down and tell you ourselves.  I can't imagine what you must have thought at the time, especially when you came into the room and saw me and William hugging"

Harry admittedly struggled to remember exactly how he had felt in that moment.  It was like his brain didn't want him to remember, block it out, rewind it and erase it, so that it had never happened.

"He had told me that you had said you wanted him to stay away from me" he recalled "Why did you ask him to do that Lou?  Is it something to do with why you fell out?  Are you worried that...I don't know...are you worried that I'm going to take his side?  Are you worried that he'll beat me up like he did....shit!"

Harry cursed himself, his gaze fretfully scanning Louis'.  He wasn't meant to know that!  

"You said that he had never hit you before" Harry recounted, recoiling inwardly as he remembered seeing William's retracting fist and Louis clutching at his face "And I believe it was an isolated incident.  But it freaked me out!" his tone took on a faint growl "I didn't like it!" his eyes narrowed to the thinnest slits "If I catch him doing that again...I don't care if you hit him first either...he will not get away with it a second time" he put his head in his hands groaning "I should have been there...to...stop it? Prevent it? Fuck babe, I don't even know why!"

He paused again, watching Louis peacefully breathing, admiring every miniscule detail on his face in the moonlight, his air of calm defusing his pent up confusion that was making his insides burn.

"I've been thinking a lot about you and William lately" he admitted, his eyes softer, still whispering "About what happened between the two of you to make you both fall apart.  On one hand, I really want to know, for two reasons.  One." He counted on his index finger "Because I feel that if I knew, then I might be able to help you get back to where you were - because I know you were so close, the song You and I speaks volumes about that...and I have more to say on that in a minute.  The second one..."

Harry took an unsteady breath.  He wasn't sure if he was able to say this thought aloud.

"The second reason is, and it makes me sound selfish and I'm sorry, but I'm scared.  If I don't know what he did to upset you and for you to never want to see him again - your identical twin brother who loves and cares for you more than anything - what if I accidently do the same thing?  If you can push your brother away, then I know you will do the same to me...and I'm so scared of losing you Lou"

Harry's eyes prickled with unshed tears "I really do not know what I would do without you" he murmured "I've waited so long for this, for you, for us to be together, and sometimes it feels like I am in a dream and I'm going to wake up at any moment and realising that you still don't know who I am.  Because I did that so many times when we weren't together!" he sniffed a little, trying to collect himself

"I thought you would be angry with me, about knowing William all this time" he admitted "I would have been if I was you.  Yet you took it so well - and I was so proud of you.  But then again, I am always proud of you.  Even when you haven't done anything special.  You make me proud just by being with me.  I just wish I wasn't so scared of you leaving me...I have the same insecurities as everyone else...only I can't control our circumstances as much as I would like.  Sometimes, I wish I had a normal job where I could see you every day, sleep next to you every night and wake up with you in my arms every morning.  I know you understand why I can't.  You never complain.  You never demand to know where I was, or who I've been with, and you make it so easy for me.  You just support me with your whole heart, and sometimes - even though I know you were a massive fan of the band from afar.  I actually believe that you would love me, regardless of weather I was in One Direction, or if I was just a shelf stacker at Sainsbury's.  Because I do believe that you love me for me, not for what I do, and I love you so much for that" 

Louis moved in his sleep, sighing deeply and curling up into his pillow a little bit more.  Harry stayed silent until he was sure that he hadn't woken up.

"You and I was a song I wish I could have written for you" Harry admitted "And when you said that William wrote it for you, primarily I was confused, because it had always seemed to me that it was nothing less than a love song.  But the more I thought about it, the less like one it sounded and I can see exactly why he wrote that for you.  Which makes me happy because you deserve to have beautiful songs written about you - one day I want to write you one myself."

He took another deep breath.  He felt like all his thoughts were running around in circles.

"Which leads me back to whatever happened between you and William. If it was a small thing you would have told me.  If it felt like a huge thing at the time, but you over reacted and wished you hadn't, you would have said so - or are you too embarrassed?  Because trust me, William would do anything to have you back - just like I would."

He trailed off a little "Which is another reason why I try so hard to get you too together, because I can't imagine how hard it has been for William to cope with missing you this much, for such a long time - I can barely go two weeks without seeing you!  I have no idea how awful I'm going to feel when we go on tour for months on end.  I don't even like the idea of you leaving without me tomorrow.  But back to William. I think you miss him too." he added "Because of what you said when you were tired, because of how worked up you were tonight, primarily because of him...although I'm still not sure why you got so upset... and yet, in the end, he was the one you let calm you down.  You needed him to calm you, and although it made me a little jealous at the time that he was able to do something that I couldn't.  I saw how you looked at him when he left.  You want him around, just for some reason you won't, have you even admitted it to yourself?  Is that why it's such a struggle for you?

Harry was arriving rapidly at his conclusion.  Making it up as he went along really, but meaning every word of it as though he had rehearsed this before.

"I don't think you have had the best time in the last few years.  From what you've half mentioned, you've been lonely, had a string of men who treated you horribly and you have had to deal with the burden of the secrets you carry - because I know you have secrets Lou.  I think you find it hard to trust people, and, well, I need to prove to you that you can trust me.  Because I only want to make your life better"

One last deep breath.

"You would never make me do anything I wasn't comfortable with, and you don't ask anything of me.  So I'm going to give you the same respect.  From now on, when it comes to William, it's your choice.  If you want to make up with him then you do it on your own terms little Lou, and if you do, I will be there to support you.  I won't rub our friendship in your face, and I won't ask you any more what happened.  Because if I keep asking you might leave me.  So when I don't ask you about your past, it's not because I don't care, or I don't love you - it's because I do - even though I've started to imagine all sorts of bullshit theories! Like, William loving you too much for you to cope with...I mean, for fucks sake...that's ridiculous!  If you had heard that, you would be laughing at me" 

Harry shook his head tiredly.  It was late, he was feeling burnt out, and he wanted to cuddle up in bed with his baby and fall asleep with him in his arms.

"What I'm trying to say sweetheart, is that whatever it is, you need to work it out in your own time.  Because I love you, and I trust you...and because I want to make sure you never have a reason to leave me..."

Standing up slowly, trying not to jog the bed too much, Harry quickly undressed and crawled into bed.  Reaching out for Louis, who thankfully was oblivious to the confessions and questions Harry had voiced.

Snaking a shaky hand around Louis' middle, Harry pretty much dragged the boy into the middle of the bed, burying his nose into the back of his soft hair and inhaling deeply.

A soft snuffling came from Louis' mouth, and still fast asleep, he turned over, snuggling into the warmth of Harry's bare chest, letting out the most contented little snore.

Harry knew there and then, that he had made the right decision.  All the things he had said about keeping out of Louis and William's business were the right things to do.  Now he just had to show Louis that he would do them - even if Louis had no idea that he'd ever been told.

 

Just as Harry was assending upstairs towards his bedroom, Michael let himself out of Harry's house.  Checking his pockets for his car keys and wallet, stuffing his phone into them.

On the whole, he had felt happy with how his conversation had gone with Harry.  He wondered if the boy had picked up on any of the casual hints he had dropped, although he wasn't going to tell him about his thoughts until he had talked to Louis.  It was a puzzle.  And complicated.  More so than he had first imagined.

For a street in the heart of London, it was quite quiet outside, possibly because of how late it was.  It was also cold.

Pulling the jacket more snuggly around him, Michael hurried to his car, wanting to get Jay and Wendy as quickly as possible. He was going to need a lot of sleep tonight - he had the impression that trying to tear Louis away from Harry to take him home, was not going to be easy!

He got to the drivers side of the car and began fumbling again for his car keys - why did he have to have such deep pockets?

A sudden movement reflected in the window of the car door caught his eye - slow, silent, the image of a large object, held by a hand - preparing to swing.....


	38. Chapter 38

There was no time to think - just react. 

Eyes widening at the reflection, Michael spun around on the spot, kicking out with his right leg, and thanking the Gods that he had once been talked into taking Boxercise!  

The kick had thrown the attacker off guard, the grip to their wrist made them yell out in pain as Michael twisted their arm behind their back, shoving them roughly against his car.

"Fuck!  Let go of me!" William cried out, his face twisting and contorting with pain "You've broken my fucking arm you prick!"

"You were going to smack me over the head!" Michael snarled into his ear, twisting William's wrist a little bit tighter, making the boy cry out and whimper - both because of his wrist, and by how his face was plastered painfully against the roof cold metal of the car.

"You have two options" Michael stated coldly "Option One.  I let you go, you get in the car, and we talk about this like gentlemen on the way to pick up your mum.  Or I march you straight back to Harry's house, and you can make up a lie about what you are still doing here...since you left an hour ago!"

"First one" William whined pitifully "Just let go of me!"

Immediately Michael let his arm go, and William half slid down onto the road.  His wrist was really throbbing.

"After you" Michael told him politely, indicating with a nod of his head to the car, making it clear he was not going to give William the chance to make a run for it.

Trembling, and holding his hurt wrist tightly, William held Michael's gaze and walked slowly around the back of the car, getting into the passenger seat, staring straight ahead with a stony expression.

"Let me see your wrist" Michael said as he slid into the seat next to him and closed the door.  He rolled his eyes at how William held it closer to his chest "If you hadn't have gone for me, I wouldn't have had to retaliate would I?" He asked pointedly "I just want to see if it's...hmm...no...not broken" he sounded relieved as his nimble fingers smoothed and poked at his skin "It's most probably just a bit bruised"

"Thank fuck for that" William muttered sarcastically, turning his head to look out the side window as Michael snapped in his seat belt and drove out of his parking space.

"Shout if you see a McDonalds or some kind of drive through" Michael commented out of nowhere.

"Hungry?" William could seriously not believe this guy.  Not only had he nearly succeeded on blocking his almost perfectly executed attack, but he'd managed to get him into his car with the upmost politeness and now he was talking about food?

"This will do" Michael drove the car around to the window and placed a quick order.  "Would you like anything?" He asked turning to William who glared back.  No.  He did not want anything!

Michael nodded quietly, moving onto the next window to pay, and then the following one, where he was handed a large drink, requesting some paper napkins.

"What are you doing?"

They had pulled up once again in a parking space.  William watched with exasperated interest as Michael proceeded to fill a napkin with the ice from his drink, then wrap the little parcel again and again with the ones remaining.

"Compress for your wrist" Michael muttered "Looks uncomfortable.  Keep that pressed against it.  If it melts, we'll just stop at another drive through later"

"What is wrong with you?" exclaimed William, slightly startling Michael "I was going to knock you out and kick the crap out of you and you are fussing over a bruised wrist you caused by stopping me?"

"Oh, that was your plan?" Michael nodded "How did you know I would come outside again?" He questioned "You were waiting a long time, and your coat looks quite thin for this weather.  You could catch a cold"

"It was a spur of the moment idea" William growled, openly gaping at Michael's stupidity "What was I supposed to do after you said to me what you did?  Go home?"

Michael gave him the longest, shrewd look before having to watch the road and his mirrors again.

"I was right then" he said carefully "Because that sounded like a confession to me"

"A confession to what?" 

With those words Michael knew that he had hit the nail on the head.  William didn't sound sarcastic.  He wasn't scoffing at him.  He was stuttering.  And he looked afraid.

"The thing that you have yet to deny"

"Don't know what you're on about!"

More stuttering.  A sheen of sweat was forming on his brow, a nervous twitch in his left leg.

"I've been told before that I'm a very good listener" Michael told William conversationally "Do you know what makes a good listener?"

"Not talking" muttered William, trying to ignore the misty whisper of fear evolving in his gut.

"Hearing the things that people don't tell you" Michael continued as though William hadn't spoken "It's often the most important bits of a conversation - like if you suspect your partner is having an affair.  It's not the ones they talk to, or about all the time, that you need to worry about, it's the one that they refuse to acknowledge"

William turned to Michael with a sneer on his face.

"What the fuck are you talking about?"

"If there was nothing to worry about, you wouldn't have tried to attack me" Michael said calmly "But you did.  Meaning that either you have some kind of problem with hurting innocent people, or you have something to hide and you wanted me to keep my mouth shut about it, because I might expose you...which I have no plan on doing" he added quickly "I can only apologise for how I delivered the news to you.  I understand why you felt the need to...how did you put it?  Kick the crap out of me"

"You are seriously twisted!" William exclaimed, feeling the fear manifest upon itself.  He actually was starting to panic now "Are you getting off on this?  Talking absolute shit to me?  Maybe the reason is because I fucking hate you?" he spat the last few words, getting more and more wound up by the second.

"I'm not your enemy William" Michael stated gently, giving him fleeting looks as he drove "In fact, right now, I am possibly the best ally you have"

"You are not my friend!"

"No, I'm not.  But I am in the very privileged position of knowing something that - and I would hazard a guess - no one else knows about, apart from yourself, Louis, and the unidentified ex boyfriend of your twin" Michael commented, speaking slowly and distinctly "And I think I am right to assume that Louis refuses to talk to you about the subject - given that he's kept you hidden for such a long time - I can only imagine what difficult a time you have had over the past few years"

"You don't know shit!"

William had never wanted to be sick so badly in his life!

"How about I tell you what I think I know, and then give you my opinion on the matter?" Michael suggested, but didn't pause for William to answer.

"I believe you and Louis were very close.  Closer and more, dare I say, unconventional than most siblings.  I believe that you care for your brother more than anything in your world, and I believe you would do anything to keep him, and your secret safe.  It must have been a very lonely time to have your brother disown you like he did, which I assume is what happened after the pair of you got caught...and you beat his boyfriend up to make sure he wouldn't tell anyone what he saw" Michael trailed off, deliberately keeping quiet and concentrating on following the sat nav to their destination.

"Saw what?" William demanded, his voice rising in pitch.  Had Louis told this guy everything?  What did he want?  

"You and Louis...being close" Michael stated easily.  Well of course it was easy for him to say.

"Are you still sexually attracted to him?"

"No!" William almost shouted, sounding more like a dying cat. He scrambled at the door handle "Let me out of this fucking car!  You're insane!  Where are you taking me?"

He couldn't breathe, his chest was tight, his brain was clouding over.  Sobs that he'd beaten down were threatening to erupt.

"Shit!"

William barely heard Michael swear or feel the car sharply pull up at the side of the road, or see Michael jump out of the car and run around to his side, wrenching the door open and crouching down besides William, unbuckling his seat belt and shoving his head down between his legs.

"Shhhh...It's Ok" Michael crooned, rubbing his back gently as William's spluttered, air gasping sobs racked his body "Let it all out Will, you're ok, I'm not going to hurt you.  I'm so sorry William" he continued to stroke William's back as the boy cried uncontrollably into his knees "Come here" he said suddenly, and before William knew what was happening, he was being pulled into a tight, secure, comforting embrace, kind words whispered into his ear, Michael's hand never loosing contact while stroking his back, that quivered under his touch.

"It wasn't like that!" William wept into Michael's shoulder feeling terrified and oddly safe all at the same time "It wasn't sexual!  I didn't know!  We didn't know it was wrong!"

He dug his fingers into Michael's back, attempting to transfer some of the pain he was feeling to the person who made him feel it.

Over his shoulder, Michael's eyes widened.  That was such an obvious lie.  There was no way that William could possibly believe that he didn't know that was he was admitting to wasn't wrong.  But this was not the time to call him out on it.

"This is why you need to talk to me" Michael whispered into his ear.  He sounded so fatherly, someone who William could possibly trust.

"Listen to me" Michael told him, still in his soft, but firm voice he had adapted "I'm sorry I came to this conclusion, but you have to understand, all I want to do is support you.  I'm not going to tell anyone, or hurt you, and I would never hurt Louis.  But I think" he took a deep breath "I think this is harder on you than it is on him" he stated, his piercing eyes looking straight into William's "I think you've had to suffer in silence for long enough.  And things have become more complicated lately haven' they?"

William nodded.  Harry had completely over complicated everything by starting a relationship with his twin.

"So, how about we go and pick up your mum and Wendy, and then we go for a drive, and you tell me what happened.  And we can take things from there?"

"Why should I trust you?" William choked out, wanting to desperately believe this kind stranger, but fearing the worst.

"Because I keep Louis safe when you're not around" Michael answered gently "I feel it's my duty to protect you just the same.  We all make mistakes" he finished getting back into his side of the car "You've both accepted it, now you both need to move on.  I'd like to help you with that"

"Why are you so nice to me?" William questioned, noticing for the first time that he was feeling calmer and more collected than he ever thought was possible under such circumstances.

"You're a good person" Michael shrugged, turning the car into the road where Jay and Wendy would be waiting for them "And I'm just a nice guy.  Here they are!" He exclaimed "I'll cover for you" he whispered, as he waved enthusiastically at the ladies waiting for him, and they pottered over to the car.

 

"Will!  What are you doing here?" cried Jay, obviously delighted at seeing her son unexpectedly "I thought you would be gone by the time I got back!" she strapped herself in the back of the car, then her happy face turned to horrified as she saw how red and swollen William's wrist was.  "What did you do to your wrist?"

"I...er..." William stuttered, trying to think of a lie up on the spot, but Michael beat him to it.

"My fault" he lied, even managing to sound guilty "I tripped over and unfortunately brought this one down with me.  I'm just gonna drop you back at Harry's and then we're going to pop over to A and E"

"Aww my poor bear!" Jay cooed, leaning forward and squeezing her sons shoulder "You going to stay at Harry's tonight too?  I've barely seen you this weekend!"

"I...er..." William was shit at making up lies on the spur of the moment.

"Didn't you say you had to be back at work tomorrow evening?" Michael asked.  As much as William appreciated how the man was helping him out, he was not a fan of how easily these stories were coming to him - and smooth the delivery was.

 

"So?" Michael questioned, after he had deposited the ladies into Harry's house, and rejoined William in the car "Where do you want to go?"

William shrugged.  He had no idea.  He was questioning why he was even here.  He said as much to Michael as they parked up a couple of roads away from Harry's.  He felt like he could barely think straight, let alone speak.  He wasn't sure he was able to form words.

Michael seemed to sense his hesitance, and happily chatted away - telling him bits and pieces about his life, funny stories about Louis.

William listened, but barely heard.  He was finding it so hard to organise his thoughts, half still wanting to cause this man some serious damage for what he already knew - but the more Michael talked, smiling to himself, as he recounted special moments and funny incident - the more it drove home, how much he missed having really close bonds with people.  

Ever since Harry had got together with Louis - things just weren't the same between them anymore - Harry was always rushing off to spend time with his boyfriend, and Harry/William time was now Harry/Louis time - and the lost, lonely, bitter feelings of resentment which he refused to acknowledge, only made him feel small and emotional the longer he listened.  As much as he was happy that Louis was getting along alright - he couldn't help but feel jealous of it.  He was jealous because he missed his mum, and his grandparents.  He missed Harry coming to visit him, or him going to stay at Harry's house.  He missed the late night phone calls and the stupid text messages.  He missed being relevant.

Looking back, William couldn't pinpoint the exact moment he chose to just start talking, and tell Michael everything.  But he did.  For the next hour and a half he confessed everything.  From as early as he could remember, all through the twins childhood, what they were like, what they went through together.  He talked about his first girlfriend and Louis' fear of being left out because of how his friends had abandoned him because of how William had beaten up a guy who had dared to threaten Louis.

He explained about Louis' first boyfriend.  William didn't even falter as he talked about their leavers party - and the events that led to the demise of their relationship.  

Tearful and quivering out of nerves, he graphically recounted the whole drama that unfolded, from the moment he found Louis crying in the hallway to how he had left Mark unconscious and bloody on the floor, running all the way home, wanting to comfort his brother - who he could imagine was in a right state - and arriving to realise that it was going to be so much worse than he imagined.

"I didn't know what to do!" He finished crying, feeling the same pain that he'd felt all those years ago "I just wanted to talk to him, look after him, but he refused to even look at me!  He was my brother and my best friend, and I lost him!"

Finally William told him all about the last couple of days.  How Louis had found out about his friendship with Harry, Louis' bad reaction, and what William had done to snap him out of it.  All was said with such sadness and regret, and when Michael heard of what Louis threatened to say to Harry if William defied him, and stayed his friend, he almost heard William's heart break.

It wasn't easy listening, very uncomfortable, horrifying and disturbing, to hear during the more graphic and violent episodes.  

When William described how Mark had grabbed Louis' crotch and made him scream in pain, Michael wanted to punch the windscreen out of anger, but he tried his best, and succeeded in wearing his most neutral expression throughout.  The last thing William needed at this point was the extra burden of someone judging him - he evidently judged himself enough!

Michael had sat silently throughout the whole explanation. He asked the odd question, but mostly didn't say a word. This was William's chance to say his piece. He hadn't expected the boy to say so much, so willingly. But it was obvious that it was something he had been dying to get out of his system for such a long time, the remorse and shame hanging heavily in every word he uttered. Michael felt so sorry for him.

He wondered how Louis felt about everything.  Keeping such a traumatic experience locked up inside him with no one to talk to about it.  The biggest shock to him was that he clearly didn't know his "son" as well as he thought he did, and he couldn't help but feel, as though he had let Louis down, by not knowing about this.  

It certainly explained a lot - so many of the problems that Louis had been able to confide in him about, could be directly linked to this past experience, and he wished he could go to Louis with what he'd learnt, and reassure him that everything was going to be alright.

But somehow, Michael could only imagine that it would make things worse.

Louis was fragile - understandably - and it had taken him such a long time to get to the stage where he was now - and knowing what he knew now, Michael had never been more proud of him that he managed to make it through each day with this on his mind.

Sure, he had encountered some set backs during the last few days, and it was possible that he would be feeling slightly distrusting of Harry after finding out about his and William's friendship - and was possibly insecure and worried, he obviously expected William to tell Harry what had happened...possibly Amy if they got as close as Louis had feared.  

But Michael could tell by how William spoke, that he would never tell anyone - and if Michael hadn't approached the subject then he would be none the wiser either.  

All William wanted, was to put the past behind them and move on.  There was nothing wrong or sordid about William's feelings for his twin - anymore.  Past feelings were most definitely questionable, but Michael wanted them both to get over the past - not get dragged down by it.  Now William just missed his best friend who was also his brother.  

He had no idea of what Louis' take on everything was, and probably never would.  He could hazard a guess though.

It felt like it was a simple case of fight or flight.  William was the fighter, he would stand up to the people that knocked him, for example, Mark and the bully that hurt Louis - showing them that they couldn't scare him or hurt him as badly as they could hurt him.

Louis would run.  He'd cower away and hope that the enemy would just get bored and leave him alone.  Out of sight, out of mind.  If Mark never saw the twins together again, maybe he would forget all about it, and leave them alone.  Louis wasn't being a coward.  He had been made to watch his twin being horrifically beaten during a time when he had been feeling the most venerable - and the reason had been because of something that he had initiated.  The guilt of that must have felt immense!  Louis hadn't turned his back on William, he had been trying to keep his distance to protect him, and most probably still was.  He chose flight - he just didn't explain it to William first.

Michael understood now why Louis was so upset that his brother was so close to Harry, and didn't want to share his existence to his friends.  Just one slip up and their whole story could be blown wide open - and in Louis' mind could expose his twin to more danger.  

Even though Michael was sure that Harry would never abandon Louis, or physically hurt William, someone like Louis couldn't see past his own traumatic feelings on the events, to see that he could be forgiven for what he had unwittingly done.  He personally wouldn't discard Louis over this - and anyone who did, was not worth the time of day.

William was breaking down in front of him, biting on his fist to smother the sobs that wracked his body - and considering that he seemed to be the mentally stronger of the two twins, was very disturbing in itself.  If William was a mess, Louis would most certainly be a wreck about to combust!

"Maybe it was a good thing that happened" Michael stated nonchalantly, looking up at the sky, as though the answers to William's problems lay written amongst the stars.

"Excuse me?!"

"Getting caught like that" Michael elaborated "When you look at the bigger picture.  What would have happened if you hadn't?  Where would you both be now?  That was a pivotal moment in your lives, and as much pain and anguish as it's caused, in the long run, I think it was the best thing for you both"

"How can you sit there and just say that?" William gaped, astounded "How was that the best thing?  I've just told you how I lost my best friend, and you're just saying that it's a good thing?  Louis' scared!" he spat, verging once more on hysteria "I'm scared that one day I'm going to wake up and he'll have done something to himself....again!"

He was of course referring to Louis' questionable medication and alcohol mistake.  Jay had mentioned it to Michael a long time ago, scared of how he was surrounded by so many drugs on a daily basis.  At the time Michael had insisted that it had been a mistake because Louis would never want to take his own life - with this new information though, he wondered how much of a mistake it actually was. What had been running through the boys mind at the time?  He knew Louis suffered from bouts of depression.  He'd been dispensing his anti depressants for months, but had put it all down to his low self esteem due to past bad relationships with men who clearly couldn't appreciate how special a boy Louis was.  Now, there was a different cause entirely - which concerned Michael greatly - if this wasn't concluded, who knows what Louis might do to run away from his problems!  But right now, it was William he needed to reassure, to set him in the right mind, to start the ball rolling to get them both back to a state of normality.

"Ok.  Say you hadn't been caught" Michael was nothing except calm and soothing, even if it was like hitting his head against a brick wall, for all the sense he was getting into William, despite how worried he was feeling inside.

"You would have....well...would it have only been the one time that you did that? It's not like you only shared one kiss did you.  If anything, the kisses only got deeper and stronger didn't they?"

"I didn't kiss him like that!" William groaned, throwing his head back in frustration "It was the only thing that would ever calm Louis down.  It comforted him, relaxed him.  It was nothing more than me trying to help him.  Like giving someone a massage or something.  Besides, like I told you, it was our thing.  If we upset each other, we would say "I'm sorry, I love you" and then we would kiss and make up!"

The words coming out of his mouth didn't feel as natural as when he was younger.  They sounded sordid, disgusting, wrong.

"It was different back then" he insisted sadly.

"Naturally.  You both felt you were innocent to the situation.  With that in mind, it's no surprise that you reached the conclusion to continue it as you got older.  It explains a lot" Michael was musing.  He did this a lot, William noted.

"The point I'm trying to make" Michael said, "Is that, at the end of the day, you and your brother, were having a physical relationship.  The kisses, the sex..."

"It wasn't sex!" William interrupted spluttering.

"It was the act of it" Michael glared at him "Please don't lie to me, and make out that you had no idea that what you were doing was wrong!  Nobody acts like you two did, and you know that!  Twins or not, siblings do not kiss each other with the amount of intensity that you two did!  You had a girlfriend, you had sexual relations with her, didn't you find it odd that you were doing intimate things with her, and then going home and doing the same with your brother?"

William was white in the face, the colour draining rapidly.  Michael really did know what he was talking about, he could see past the lies that he had tried so hard to make himself believe.  But it honestly had only been since the twins had been parted that William had realised how emotionally twisted their relationship had been.  Back then, there had been no one else that he had loved more than Louis, and when his twin had questioned him about showing their love for each other physically, William had agreed with him, because it didn't feel wrong to make his twin feel how much he loved and cared about him.  All he wanted to do, was to be close to Louis - to give his brother exactly what he wanted, and to reassure him that he would never, ever leave him.  And yes, maybe he had been jealous and overprotective of Louis, and maybe he had wanted to be Louis' first so that he would know his twin had been properly taken care of.  And yes, he had known it was wrong...and they should have stopped it years ago...but he hadn't wanted to at the time.  Because back then, nothing made him happier than being so impossibly close to his twin.  

But now, more than anything, he wished he could go back in time and change the moment they had shared their first proper kiss - and said no.  That would have solved everything.

"Now.  If you hadn't have got caught, I'm expecting you would both be in a bigger mess than you are in now" Michael was saying "What would have stopped you from continuously going further?  Louis was scared of losing you to a girlfriend.  Would you have stopped dating people to make sure he was happy?  Would he have even looked for another boyfriend, when his twin brother was providing for all his emotional, and physical needs?  You wouldn't have met Harry, Harry wouldn't have fallen in love with Louis, and well...I wouldn't even know Louis was alive because he would have gone to university with you, and he wouldn't have gotten a job at the pharmacy"

"So you are saying that all we have both gone through is fine, because you get to hang out with my twin at work?  That is the shittiest reason I have ever heard!" William asked, struggling to find his voice.

"Do you have a girlfriend William?"

"No" William replied shortly.

"Why not?"

"Because I haven't found anyone I like"

"Amy is a nice girl.  You seem to get along with her"

"Louis would kill me if I had anything more to do with her.  He doesn't want me near his people...actually, I shouldn't be here now!"

"So you are saying that Louis' feelings are holding you back?"

"No.  But they come into consideration"

"Do you think he would consider you?  He is in a relationship with your best friend"

"That's different.  He didn't know we were friends when they started dating!"

"He knows now.  He wants you to stay away from Harry.  Is that right?  Is that fair?  If he can date your best friend, why can't you go out with one of his?  Or do you think he doesn't want you to be with anyone?"

"What the fuck are you trying to say?  You're just saying stuff to piss me off now aren't you?"

"I am only wondering what your end game is.  Are you always going to be doing things just to keep your twin happy?  Even if he wants nothing to do with you - although I do think his reasons for why he wants to keep away from you are valid.  Where will you find your happy ending?  Louis' found his"

"What?"

"Louis has his family close to him.  He has friends who are loyal to him and love him.  He has a boyfriend who worships the ground he walks on, and he's got a successful career.  What do you have?  Your family live far away, your best friend is someone who you're not meant to have contact with anymore, and you're single because the girl you like is off limits.  All because of your loyalty to your brother.  Is it fair that Louis gets to have everything whilst you are all alone?  When are you going to think about yourself?"

"Because this is all my fault!"

"How?  From what you told me, Louis begged you to do that with him.  Louis started the longer more intimate kisses.  Isn't this his fault?  You got badly beaten because of someone seeing something that Louis initiated.  What if he hadn't have managed to knock him out?  What if Mark had overpowered him?  What if you had suffered a fatal injury?"

"No!  I...it was all my..." William, feeling emotionally drained, began to cry.  The possibilities of what could have happened that night were too much to even contemplate, and over the years, William had imagined every possible outcome.  The visions haunted him almost every night.

"Stop blaming just yourself Will.  The sooner you accept that you are both to blame, the easier this will be on both of you.  Louis needs to forgive himself too, which will be much harder on him, because he saw what the consequences to his actions were..."

"But I was meant to protect him!" William wept, unashamed of how his eyes and nose were running simultaneously "I should have said no to him!  I shouldn't have let him convince me it was a good idea!  I should never have let us get that far!  I don't know what to do now! I just thought, that if I do what he wants, stay away from him, and Harry and his friends, maybe he'll like me again and forgive me!"

Michael looked at him long and hard.

"How can you expect Louis to forgive you when you can't forgive yourself?  You've been pandering to what he wants for long enough. Whatever he wants, you just do. We can't change the decisions you both made, but I can't help but think that maybe, if you had tried to carry on as normal brothers, things wouldn't be so bad as they are now"

"What do I do now then?"

"Whatever you want to do.  Visit your family more, stay friends with Harry, ask Amy out on a date" Michael shrugged "Don't let this ruin your life anymore.  Maybe you and Louis will never reunite.  But that isn't just your fault either.  It took two of you to break up.  It will take both of you to reconcile" 

"Why are you turning against Louis?" 

"I love Louis as much as if he was my actual son" Michael smiled fondly "He's my boy, and I will do anything to make him happy...but I will not tolerate him being...well being a dick!  Even if his intentions are good.

William smiled faintly.

"Thanks for this" he said quietly "You have no idea the relief I feel, just being able to talk about this.  Maybe you're right"

Michael watched William's face - pale, drained of all energy - a shadow of the person he'd met the previous day.  He wondered if he had actually done any good from bringing this subject up.  But he did look a little relieved.  Which had to be a good sign.

"Of course I am!" Michael smirked "Anytime" he added in a more somber tone "You're not alone from now on.  However" he looked at his watch regretfully "I should really be heading back.  I've got to drive home later today, and I don't fancy falling asleep at the wheel"

William nodded, wiping his eyes on the back of his sleeve.

"Yeah, you've got some precious cargo to take with you" he reminded his new friend, thinking as always of Louis.

"How are you getting home?" Michael asked "Why don't you crash at Harry's tonight?  I think Harry will need his best friend with him tomorrow" he added kindly "He's had a tough weekend too.  He might want someone to talk to.  You might want someone to talk to as well"

William stared at him in alarm.

"Not about this" Michael added hastily "I just don't think you should be alone with your thoughts right now.  You need to be with people who you love and trust"

 

Back at Harry's house, Michael ushered a very tired William upstairs.

"Stay here" he muttered, before disappearing into one of the bedrooms.

Leaning back against the wall, William let out a shaky breath.  Had that really just happened?  Had he really told someone every single detail of the worst time of his life, and yet he was still standing?

"Amy's agreed to let you share her room" Michael whispered to him, appearing once more in the doorway "She thinks you're staying here because you missed the last train home"

William nodded, too tired to argue or ask questions.  He just wanted to get to sleep.  The last thing he properly acknowledged before dropping off, was the quick hug Michael gave him, a bleary eyed Amy helping to get his shoes off, and the welcome softness of the pillows his head fell upon.

 

Louis loved to wake up before Harry did in the mornings.  He loved those moments where he was between dreams and reality, his eyes cracking open to realise that the life he was living was better than any dream he could ever have.  Harry lay beside him, always facing him, his tattooed arm resting heavily across his waist, hair ruffled and messy on Louis' pillow where he'd laid his head, and his beautiful parted lips just inches from his cheek.  There was nothing more perfect for Louis to wake up to, minutes feeling like seconds as he basked in the natural beauty that was Harry, reflecting on how lucky he was to just be in his presence - let alone get to call him his boyfriend/ one and only.

"I love you" he whispered.  He didn't care that Harry was sleeping and didn't hear him.  He just had to say the words aloud, not wanting them to keep swilling around in his mouth any longer.

Harry moved a little in his sleep, wrapping his arm around Louis tighter, inclining his head a little, lips puckering softly, reaching to kiss him.

Louis re-evaluated how lucky he was.  Harry wasn't even awake, and his thoughts were all about kissing him.  As Harry's warm soft mouth lazily kissed along his jaw line, Louis felt his heart starting to flutter.  No matter how many mornings this happened, he would never be able to get used to this feeling - and he never wanted to.  

Turning his head a fraction, Louis closed his eyes, finding Harry's mouth with his, burrowing his body closer into his boyfriends strong, muscular embrace.  He loved the feeling of their skin touching - feeling Harry's muscles contracting against his, how Harry would plant his leg over his hips and drag him closer with it.  Louis wished with his whole heart he could wake up to this every morning.  But he couldn't tomorrow, or the next day, or the day after that, because Louis had to go home, leaving Harry behind him.

Saying goodbye was the worst part about being with someone like Harry.  It was to be expected with his job - and honestly Louis had expected to see his boyfriend a lot less than he did.  He felt so grateful for how Harry thought nothing of landing in England after a long promotional trip, and driving the four hours back to Devon to stay with Louis, even for a few hours before having to leave again.  It was this reason that Louis never complained about saying goodbye, even though he wanted to, because he was never happier than feeling that elated swoop of surprise when Harry made an unexpected appearance.  The last thing he wanted was to become a hindrance and sound like he didn't support Harry and his career.  If he did, the visits might dwindle - even stop.

Their kiss got hot and heated pretty quickly, Harry waking up fully by slipping his tongue between Louis' lips, grinding subtly against him as his morning wood became more apparent - something that Louis was going to take full advantage of this morning.

Rolling Harry onto his back, their lips still attached, moulded against each others as they kissed deeply, Louis considered his options.  Although he was dismayed to feel that nothing was going on in his downstairs department, he tried to focus on how close he and Harry had felt the first time they had made love, and embarrassment or not - that feeling was not something he wanted to pass up.  Especially since he was so desperate to show Harry how much he loved him and deserved to have his love in return.

Harry whined a little as Louis gave him one final kiss, sitting up and shuffling down his legs, groaning softly as Louis took him in his mouth, massaging the head with his tongue, coating it with as much saliva as he could.  He wanted to give Harry the best going away present that he could, he wouldn't have to do anything, Louis was going to take care of Harry's every little desire.

Without stopping, Louis looked up through his eyelashes, feeling Harry's eyes on him, small slits of green fixated on how stretched Louis' lips were around the thick girth of his cock.  

Harry couldn't tear his gaze away, enjoying how it looked, almost as much as it felt to see the drag of his lips around his shaft at the same time as it made his hips twitch and jolt, the pleasure almost too much to bear.

Their eyes met, Harry's gleaming with dark lust, Louis' hesitant and shy.  With one last long seductive suck around the head, Louis withdrew his mouth, Harry arching his back off the bed and throwing his head back with a loud moan and an uncontrolled buck of his hips.  Taking the opportunity of Harry no longer looking at him, Louis turned, slotting his knees either side of Harry's hips, facing in the opposite direction, grasping Harry's hard, slightly pulsating length in one hand to guide it into him.

As he lowered himself and Harry's tip nudged past the unprepared ring of muscle two different noises erupted from both boys.  

Louis hissed, swearing at the level of discomfort he was feeling, a burning pain shooting up his spine where he perservered and struggled to accept Harry's over generous girth into his small, tight hole, making him yelp.

Harry on the other hand, moaned pornographically, the friction on his swollen member electrifyingly relieving as it was swallowed by Louis' tight heat - but there was no way to enjoy it as he heard Louis' sounds of discomfort, he couldn't see his face, but he could imagine the expression it was contorted.  Besides, this was all wrong.  It felt amazing, but he couldn't see Louis.

His hands shot to the smaller boys hips, grasping them harder than usual, due to them being so clumsy and desensitised by only just waking up.

"No baby" he murmured thickly, finding his voice "No no no.  I want to see you!"

Louis was so light, it didn't take much effort for Harry to lift him/ push his own hips deep into the mattress, so he slipped out of Louis, then grabbing hold of his waist and dragging his baby on top of him, one hand pressing the small of his back so he was lying impossibly close, the other cupping his face so he could kiss his beautiful mouth with the urgency that he craved.

Harry could tell that Louis and sex was going to be a tricky subject.  It was so blatantly obvious that his baby had no idea that it wasn't just about getting your partner off, and something that Harry had no problem with teaching him.  Groping with one hand under his pillow for the small bottle of lubricant he had stored there - just in case - Harry managed to manoeuvre Louis so that he was crouching over him, his sexy little arse stuck in the air, leaning his full weight on Harry's chest , never letting their lips part even for a second.

With difficulty, Harry worked the bottle open over Louis' back, just about managing to slick up two fingers, letting the bottle fall onto the sheets, running his fingers on one hand patter up and down Louis' warm skin, and with the other reached around and lower, determined that nothing would happen until Louis was prepped to Harry's standards.

Louis flinched as he felt his fingers probing into him, twisting his hips a little to allow Harry better access.

"Do you wanna ride me baby?" Harry asked breathlessly, so heated and turned on by the thought of holding Louis close to him as he bounced up and down on his cock.

Louis nodded weakly, he could feel a part of him starting to stir and pay attention as Harry's long fingers massaged in firm circular motions on his prostate, thinking of how good it was going to feel when it was Harry's dick there instead.

"Want you close to me" Harry whispered, kissing Louis' open mouth slowly and seductively, moving into sitting position, leaning back against the headboard, clasping his hands around Louis' backside and moving him into his lap, his little knees each side of his hips "Want my arms around you the whole time, want to kiss you and look into your eyes when you come"

Louis let out a series of whimpers, but soft longing ones full of want, rather than discomfort, sinking himself down, impaling himself, desperate to feel so full of Harry once more.

"I love you" Louis gasped, rocking his hips in sinful figures of eight, wrapped up in the new sensations that surrounded him.  Harry's loving gaze, the way he was biting down on his lower lip, the trickle of sweat that was sticking their chests together, the hot, overwhelming sensation within his gut, throwing his head backwards, digging his fingers tightly into Harry's shoulder blades, exposing the entire length of his neck which Harry immediately sunk his teeth into, clearly not going to be satisfied without leaving his mark upon his delicate skin.  

Louis was just intoxicating to Harry - the way he smelt, how he felt and reacted under his touch.  Harry felt as though he was about to explode at any second, no one had ever had the effect on him, making him so helplessly and shamelessly wrapped around Louis' tiny little finger.  His heart was so full of love for him, and he felt so lightheaded and dizzy.  They fitted so perfectly together, instinctively moving in synconisity.  Harry could tell Louis was so close, full on bouncing erratically on his cock, movements sloppy, panting hard into his ear.  And now Harry was close....so close he couldn't make his mouth/ brain filter activate.

"Stay with me" he gasped out, out of breath and gravelly, bringing one hand up to grasp at the back of Louis' head, so he could look straight into the dazzling blue eyes that captivated him "Don't go home! I love you so much Lou!  I need you so much!  Quit your job and come be with..."

Harry couldn't finish his sentence, the intensity of his orgasm thundering through his system as he cried out loudly, moments after Louis had completely come undone on top of him, clenching so tightly around him, stripping Harry of the little control he had managed to retain.

Panting hard and sweating all over, Louis was more than happy for Harry to clasp him tightly to his chest, enjoying the scrape of his finger tips as they carded clumsily through his damp hair.  He was in some kind of blissful dream space - the intensity of his orgasm shattering him to the core, impossibly even more intense than the first one he'd shared with Harry - and that had been mind blowing!

"Love you so much" Harry was whispering over and over again, pressing kisses to his forehead "No one has ever loved me like you do" he sighed happily "I wish I could wake up with you every morning" he held his baby closer to him, unable to tell if the rapid beating was coming from his heart or Louis'.

"I'd love that" Louis whispered into the crook of his neck dreamily "I miss you so much when you're not there.  I can't wait to move in with you properly.  Have all our stuff mixed together"

"You could be with me all the time if you wanted to" Harry reminded him, wondering if Louis had taken in what he had asked when they were both on the brink of ecstasy.  As much as he couldn't believe he had actually said those words out loud, maybe it was the best thing he could have said.  He was sick of waking up in an empty bed.  He missed seeing those bright, cheeky little eyes watching him get dressed - knowing that the smaller boy would wait until he was all ready, then start kissing him so the majority of his clothing would end up all over the floor!  Harry just missed the fun they had, how excited Louis would get over the smallest things - which made him enjoy what felt mundane and ordinary, even more.  Louis was his sunshine - and from Harry's point of view, a day without sunshine, was a day not worth waking up for!

"What are you doing?" He asked suddenly.  Harry had propped his legs up, and Louis had sat back against them, straddling his waist and playing with something on a chain that looked a bit like an extravagant egg timer "What is that?"

"It's a Time Turner" Louis stated seriously "Zayn got it for me for my birthday at Kings Cross remember?"

Harry smiled fondly.  Their happy day out felt like weeks ago.

"What does it do babe?"

Louis looked at Harry as though he had three heads.

"You're joking?" He asked "Everyone who has read Harry Potter knows what this is!" He waved it in front of Harry's amused face "You have read the books right?"

Harry shook his head "I'll read them to our kids one day" he promised faithfully, picking up Louis' free hand and kissing his knuckles.

"Kids?" Louis was gazing at him with wide eyed wonder "You want to have kids with me?" 

Harry chuckled embarrassed, clearly he hadn't made his intentions clear enough that Louis was the centre of the rest of his life.  Everything he wanted to do, solely revolved around doing it with Louis.

"Of course" he smiled gently "There are four things I have always wanted.  Travel the world singing for a living, see beautiful places, find the love of my life and be with him always" he broke off to poke Louis' cheek "That's you!  And have lots and lots of babies with them...I love babies" he beamed, both his dimples popping out in empahasis "And you will be an amazing dad!"

Louis still looked shell shocked "I can't believe you've thought about this" he murmured "I never imagined when we met..."

"I've had a lot more time to think about this" Harry told him.  After all, he had been imagining this for years "I really love you Lou.  Why else do you think I want you to come everywhere with me?  Whenever I'm not with you, I'm always thinking about our future together"

A hungry look was crossing Louis' face with every word he spoke. 

"I want you!" he burst out, slightly stunned by the overwhelming emotion he was feeling, grabbing Harry's hand and shoving it into his lap, so he could feel first hand exactly how turned on his words had made him, hoping that his boyfriend realised it was the first time that he had gotten an errecation without help, hoping Harry would take care of it before it failed.  

Harry grasped it in his huge hand, adding pressure as he stroked it, fixated on how Louis whined, arching his back, eyes rolling to the back in his head.  He'd never seen anything more beautiful than his baby when he was turned on - the hardening of his own dick only affirming that.

"Tell me what you want baby" he breathed, keeping his strokes long and even, using the droplets of precome as a lubricating aid "You can have anything you want"

"Keep...doing...don't stop!" Louis keened, rising up on his knees, thrusting his hips to gain some extra friction where he needed it the most.

Almost manhandling his boy with his eagerness to pleasure him even more, Harry wrapped an arm around both of Louis' thighs, moving both of them off the bed and to the bottom of it.  Without Harry's hand on him, Louis took it upon himself to carry on in Harry's absence - the sight of Louis jerking himself off was almost too much for Harry to contain himself from just driving into him.

Adrenaline pumping through his veins, Harry stood Louis at the bottom of the bed, both hands on the mattress, bent over, then leaning over his small frame, he took Louis' throbbing member in one hand, batting Louis' roughly away, lovingly caressing it from the tip to the hilt.  Louis was full on whimpering, thrusting his hips, head lolling, keening loudly as Harry slipped two fingers inside him from behind, swirling them around to find his special sweet spot that made him cry out and give himself completely to Harry.

 

"That was incredible!" Louis panted a short while later as Harry wiped his hands on a damp cloth and used it to mop up his tummy. "I had no idea it could be like this"

"Like what?" Harry asked pulling Louis back into his arms once more, and wishing the clock was wrong.

Louis didn't say anything though, just smiled bashfully, pressing his lips softly to Harry's, sleepily curling into his frame, and settling down to sleep - clearly, completely fucked out.  Harry watched him sleep, realising he only had a couple of hours left before Michael would be driving everyone home - leaving Harry on his own.  He wished he and Louis could have had a more through chat about his baby maybe cutting down his hours.  Maybe they could properly talk about it after Christmas.  Right now though, Harry was just going to enjoy the little time he had left.

 

The last couple of hours went too quickly - most of it spent in the shower until they heard Michael banging on the door, shouting they had to get a move on, before running around after the others.

"Come on kiddo" Michael clapped his hand on Louis' shoulder, giving Harry a little smile who had his arms tightly around the smaller boy "We really have got to go now"

The group had been due to leave about forty five minutes ago.

"Call me when you get home?" Harry asked, kissing his temple sweetly "I miss you already baby" he murmured "I'll come home as soon as I can" he tried to perk up his baby who looked very woebegone "Are you going to move your stuff in whilst I'm away?"

"Where is Amy?" Michael muttered scanning the car to make sure the other three women were present and correct.  It was lucky he had rented such a huge car, he still needed to fit three more bodies in it!

"Here!" Amy called, running down stairs clutching her bag tightly.  She grabbed Louis' arm "Come on!  Need to get moving" she chirped, dragging Louis behind her and shoving him into the car "If we let you say goodbye at your own pace we will never leave!"

Louis looked tearful as he watched Harry blow him a kiss through the window, craning his head to look back as far as he could as the car pulled away - everyone waving goodbye.  The car turned out of his road, Harry was missing Louis so much already that his heart ached.

Shaking his head sadly, Harry closed the front door behind him, jumping out of his skin when he spotted the lone figure of William sat on the stairs - wearing an expression as equally fed up as his was.

They knew each other too well to have to voice their thoughts.  Harry led the way into the living room, flopping down on the settee with William two paces behind him, getting out his phone to text his baby to tell him how much he was missing him already.

William flicked on the television, and silently they watched whatever was on - neither of them were paying much attention.

A thought suddenly struck Harry.

"Will?" he asked, eyeing his friend with interest "Two things....one.  What are you doing here?"

"Long story" William was not going to explain "Next?"

Harry raised an eyebrow at his mates short response, but didn't press anything. Instead he ran his fingers through his hair, a small pout of concentration furrowing his brow.

"What on earth is a time turner?"


	39. Chapter 39

Hey, this isn't a chapter.  

I just wanted to say that I hope everyone is ok after the news today.  

I personally don't have many 1D friends who I can chat to at times like these - which is rubbish because I end up not being able to vent much, so if you want/need someone to talk to, or vent at, my email is

Angels-grace@hotmail.co.uk

and my Twitter is @sharemysunshine

sending out huge hugs to all of you,  take care and be safe 

all the love xxx


	40. Chapter 40

"Have you seen it?" Louis demanded hotly as soon as Harry answered his phone.

Harry tried not to roll his eyes.  By Louis' agitated tone, he could tell that the subject was meant to be something that Harry knew all about, and was meant to be angry about himself - Harry however, was clueless.

"What's wrong babe?" He asked carefully, holding up two fingers to Zayn, to indicate he might be a while.  

"Taylor's new video!  It's all about you Harry!  Can't you sue her for something?  Like harassment?  Or you could get a super injunction against her!  Banning from talking about your..." His tone switched to a sarcastic snarl "Relationship!"

Harry pinched the bridhe of his nose and took a moment with his eyes closed.  This wasn't the first conversation they'd had about his ex girlfriend - and judging by her new single choice, it wouldn't be the last.

"Baby, we've been through this" Harry replied patiently, picturing Louis' petulant expression "We went through it with 'Shake It Off' and 'Blank Space'.  It's fine. It doesn't worry me, and it shouldn't worry you"

"That was different!" Louis argued back "Those could have been about you, this one is definitely about you!  It's called "Style"!  She's waving your flipping necklace around in it - which may I say, adds nothing to the video apart from pointing a finger at you!"

"Necklace?"

"How many did you give her?" Louis wailed at Harry's lack of recognition "You said it was just the paper aeroplane!  Were there others?"

Harry could almost feel the jealousy pulsating through the phone.

"It was just that one" he calmly assured his boyfriend "I promise"

"Well anyway, it's in the video and the song is all about you!  Why aren't you angry about this?  I'm fuming and you're...fine!"

"Babe, we only went out for a couple of months and it wasn't even serious...."

"Exactly!" Louis snapped "Years ago!  Why can't she let it go and move the fuck on?  Doesn't she realise you're with someone else now!"

Ah ha!  There was the actual route of the problem.  Louis wasn't just defending Harry's honour, he was trying to mark his territory, and to be honest, he probably wasn't as upset about Taylor Swift as he was making out to be - as always, his problem was with William - Taylor just happened to be causing similar irritations, but ones Louis could freely complain about.

(Two weeks previous) 

A lot had changed since Louis' ill fated trip to London for his birthday.  Some things had changed for the better, some things for the worse, and others were down right questionable.

Louis and William's actual birthday and the whole of Christmas was a bit of a hectic blur for Harry.  He had expected to have to make two trips on Christmas Eve to make sure he saw both his boyfriend and best friend on their special day - but then William had text Harry to tell him his plans had changed and he would be going to see his family for his birthday and Christmas this year.  Harry was surprised, seeing as William usually kept away at Louis' request, but when questioned, William replied that he was sure that silly business was over and done with - he wanted to see his mum and grandparents for his birthday and christmas, and Louis would just have to suck it up and deal with it!

Louis did deal with it - badly!

waking up on his birthday he was all smiles and sunshine - even more so after Harry had presented him with his favourite cooked breakfast in bed, followed by extremely soppy birthday sex. Louis pretty much bounced over to his Grandparents house, chatting excitedly about their plans for the next day.

As soon as he entered the house, the sound of Happy Birthday being played on the piano filled their ears, and Harry found himself being dragged into the living room to find Louis' Grandpa playing the piano, with him, his Nana and Jay all singing to him - Harry joining in as he cuddled his boy from behind, as Louis waved his arms around pretending to be a conductor.

Hugs from everyone followed, then Louis sat down next to his Nana, who presented him with their birthday gifts.

Harry couldn't help but smile at how excited Louis was as he opened them, exclaiming with delight at the new keyboard for his PC he'd wanted - which apparently, had lights underneath the keys which changed colour, a new Jack Wills hoodie - a label that Louis had become particularly fond of after seeing pictures of Harry wearing it, and a wad of notes, with a little message on it in his Grandpa's shaky handwriting, to buy something nice.

Harry couldn't help but notice how Louis carefully folded up the note, and tucked it into his wallet safely - not even looking at how much money he had been given - and giving both his Grandparents a huge hug and a kiss on the cheek.

"My turn" smiled Jay, coming back from the kitchen with a round of tea "Or should I say, our turn?" She winked at Harry who winked back, and got up to follow her out into the hallway - who almost walked straight into a much more flustered version of Louis who had just arrived.

"Did I miss it?" William blurted out, sounding a little out of breath and discarding his coat and gloves, hugging two very astonished Grandparents, his Grandpa hurrying to the piano so they could all sing Happy Birthday to their other grandson.

"Baby!  What are you doing here?" asked Jay, giddy with delight as she threw her arms around her other twin, who looked like he was trembling slightly "I thought you weren't coming till tonight!  Oh baby I'm so happy!"

William returned his mums hug with as much enthusiasm, then went to hug and kiss his grandparents who looked beside themselves with happiness - as though the two boys in the same room was their Christmas and Birthday present in one!

"Come sit with me boys" their Nana chirped, looking a little tearful as she moved from her reclining armchair to the settee "Jay dear?  Can you take a photo of us with both my boys?" She patted the seat beside her as their Grandpa lowered himself to sit beside her, looking equally thrilled.  It was obvious that they had never expected this to happen.

"Why don't I take a picture of all of you" offered Harry, taking the camera from Jay's hands, and motioning for her to join her parents.

William who was sat next to his Grandpa, looked across the room at his twin, and made an attempt to smile at him.  Harry followed his gaze, his heart sinking a little as he took in the look of shock on his boyfriends face - clearly he was not as excited at the turn of events as the rest of his family.

"Come on Lou" his Nana called out to him, bringing Louis out of his daze "It's not a family photo without my boo!"

Snapping out of his headspace, Louis mustered a big smile - the falsest that Harry had ever seen on his face, and went to join his family.  

Harry took a good few photos, including a lovely one where their Nana kissed Louis' cheek, making him blush adoreably.

"Now I'd like a few of just the twins" his Nana smiled "One to put next to my chair with the others"

She pointed at the table next to the chair she usually sat in, where there was a cluster of frames with pictures of Louis and William in.  Harry didn't need it to be explained that the shots of them together were years out of date.

William made the first move, standing and dragging his stiff, reluctant twin to his feet and throwing an arm around his shoulders, grinning at Harry in the process, ignoring how Louis visibly flinched at his brothers touch.

If anybody else had requested it, Louis would have point blank refused, but his Nana looked so happy and hopeful, that he didn't have the heart to object.  So, against his own wishes, Louis slipped his own arm around William's waist, smiling a smile that didn't quite reach his eyes.

"I never thought I'd live to see the day" a voice of disbelief muttered near Harry's ear, and Harry looked to see their Grandpa standing next to him, looking quite old and frail, with the hint of a tear in his eye "I'm guessing this is your doing son" he added, giving Harry a glance full of warmth and gratitude "You've done wonders for my grandson.  I hope one day you'll be in our family photos"

Pictures over, Louis made a beeline for sitting next to Harry, almost sitting in his lap for comfort, as William was presented with his own gifts, listening as his twin chatted to his grandparents, thanking them for his presents and asking if he could come for the whole day for Christmas instead of just the evening.  Needless to say, the response was met with much enthusiasm.  Louis however, looked like he was chewing on an especially aggressive wasp!

"When are we giving Lou our present?" Suddenly piped up William, looking adound at Harry and his mum "Is it ready yet?"

Louis looked sharply at his brother.  What did he mean by "our present"?  Was he trying to make Louis look bad?

Harry looked confused.  He thought it was just from him and Jay - but Jay was smiling and nodding, excusing herself.

"Come on Haz!" William urged, trotting towards the door "Shake a leg!"

Pressing a quick kiss to Louis' forhead, he squeezed his boyfriends hand reassuringly "Don't worry, you'll love it" he whispered seeing Louis' anxious expression "Infact, you are going to smile so much your face is going to ache!"

Louis sat down next to his Nana once more, feeling more nervous than he should.  When it came to his twin being involved, he had no idea what to expect.  Besides!  What the hell was he doing here anyway?

His irritation disapeared into thin air as the three reappeared, his mum carrying a large wicker basket, with two of the most adorable black and brown puppies sitting in it.

"Oh my...!" Louis gasped in delight, rushing up to them and taking one of them in his hands, and cuddling it to his chest "You got me puppies!  I've aways wanted puppies!"

Harry and William shared a smile.  Once again, William had got it right - once again, Louis would never know.

The majority of the rest of the morning and early afternoon was spent playing with Louis' new friends, cooing over them as they tried to run around on their stubby little legs, chasing balls which were almost the size of their heads.

"Happy?" Harry asked Louis, kissing his temple as Louis leaned against his chest, both puppies finally fallen asleep in his lap.

Louis' eyes flickered to where William was playing chess with his grandpa, but then he looked down at the puppies in his lap, and felt Harry's hand stroke up and down his arm.

"Very" he replied softly, "We've got to name these little guys" he whispered, gently stroking one of their noses "But I know what I want them to be called"

"Go on" Harry was expecting something World of Warcraft related.

"Larry and Stylinson" Louis stated proudly "I wonder if we look as cute as that when we sleep!"

Harry was so surprised, and so touched.

"I love you Lou" he whispered in his ear, holding his hand tightly.

"I love you too" replied Louis, squeezing his fingers, and leaning back for a kiss.

 

It was just after dinner that the doorbell rang.  Skidding to the door, Louis opened it, and let out a shout of suprise before flinging himself on both Michael and Amy.

"Happy Birthday kiddo" grinned Michael, ducking inside before the bunch of helium balloons Amy was holding, hit him in the face again, and passing him a large gift bag.

"Happy birthday bestie!"

Harry took the balloons that Amy was fighting to get through the door, watching happily as she dived on her best friend for a cuddle.

"Come meet my birthday present!" Louis enthused, dragging them both to the living room.  He dropped their hands, scurrying to where he had left them in their basket and was picking it up when he heard Amy squeal happily.  Thinking she had seen the puppies, Louis turned with a huge grin on his face, to see Amy throwing herself on a surprised, blushing William.

"I didn't know you would be here!" She was beaming "I would have brought you your present!"

Louis' smile faltered.  Amy had gotten William a gift too?  Since when were they that close?  His smile faded even more so as Michael took his turn to hug his twin.  Saying how good it was to see him.

The jealousy boiled in Louis' blood.

His mood didn't get much better as the afternoon went on.  Harry and Louis decided to take the puppies back to their house, Amy and Michael came along too (Michael explaining that Wendy was away with her husband for Christmas but would be calling him later, and Charlotte had gone away to visit family).  Louis could have spat poison when it was suggested that William tagged along with them - to see Harry's new house.  Something Louis wanted to fight against, but Harry (and Michael to his horror) were horribly enthusiastic about spending time in his brothers company.

Louis felt himself getting quieter and closed off with every footstep.  It wasn't even as fun to show Larry and Stylinson their new home, because William was there too.  Harry's house (or rather, his and Harry's house) was Louis' sanctuary - and William was tainting it!

"We were thinking" Michael told the twins and Harry, indicating to Amy, "That we should really go out for birthday drinks, how about it kiddo?"

Louis was about to open his mouth to agree, when he realised Michael wasn't even asking him, he was looking at William.  Kiddo was his name!

"Great idea!" Harry enthused, squeezing his arm around Louis' waist, "Let me just change my shirt, and I'll be right with you"

Louis' mouth dropped open before gritting his teeth together in a grimace.  Wasn't he going to get any time alone with his boyfriend and friends?  Was William really going to tag along the whole night?  Had he really no idea he wasn't wanted?

"You alright Lou?" Michael asked suddenly, guessing the problem straight away "You look a bit off"

"I was just thinking that William might like to go and visit our Grandparents and our mum" Louis hissed, bristling with irritation "Since it was so important to him to come early this year"

William openly flinched at his words.

"Yeah...erm...you have a good time" he muttered lamely, looking hurt and dejected "I'll see you tomorrow Lou" he whispered, and went to give his twin a hug, who promtly side stepped, crashing into Harry who had reappeared beside him.

"Hey?  You alright?" Harry asked, concerned at how his friend looked so sad all of a sudden "Did I miss something?"

"I'm gonna go see the family" William replied quickly, trying to ignore the expression of smug relief on his twins face "It's what I came here for anyway" he turned to Michael and Amy "Merry Christmas" he wished them "Thanks for the invite but..."

"Since when am I not family?" Harry asked frowning, "Come on mate, just a couple of drinks?  I havent seen you for ages and we always go out on your birthday!" He jumped in suprise at the low growl by his shoulder, thinking he had accidently frightened one of the puppies, but instead saw Louis' smouldering eyes and gritted teeth.

"I think Louis would prefer it if William didn't come" Michael commented smoothly, "It was his idea for William to stay behind"

"What?" Harry was looking uncharacteristically irritated "Why can't he come for a drink?" He asked Louis indignantly "It's his birthday too!"

"Fine!" snapped Louis, finally loosing his cool, "If you care about him so much, go and celebrate William's birthday, and I'll stay here on my own!"

"Don't be stupid" Harry snapped exasperated, grabbing at William's wrist, to keep him from sneaking past him towards the front door, "Why do you have to be so difficult?  William's been nothing but nice to you all day!  Why are you treating him like this?"

Louis fishmouthed, stunned by how angry Harry looked.  This was not fair!  William was the one who showed up uninvited, and now he was being treated like a king and Louis was the bad guy?

"I didn't even want him here to start with!" Louis yelped out "Why are you defending him?  Do you like him more than me?  You care about his feelings more than you do about mine!"

"Lou, think about what you are saying" Michael's fatherly tone sounded from across the room, where he was standing awkwardly with Amy "We all like William, and we..." He indicated to himself and Amy, "would like to get to know him better"

"Guys, it's no problem" William told them in a pained voice "I don't want to cause problems, really, go and have a good night.  I've got to go and tell mum that I can't make Christmas after all"

"Because of him?" Harry was very angry now, jabbing his finger at Louis "Look what you've done!" He snapped at his boyfriend who was holding a puppy close to his chest and crying "You can't even play nice so your brother can spend Christmas day with his family!  When did you get so selfish?  If you had any idea what William feels like then you would feel so bad about yourself right now!  He chose the puppies!" He revealed getting more and more worked up "And that Time Turner that you love so much, he told Zayn to get it for you for him, because he knew you would love it, and that is just a drop in the ocean of how much he does for you that you don't know about! You couldn't give a shit about him!  You won't even let him have a birthday drink with his friends!" he shook his head rigidly "For fucks sake!"

Louis couldn't say anything, he was crying too hard.

"Harry I..."

Harry didn't let him speak.

"What is your problem with him Lou?" He asked, his eyes flashing as he looked at his boyfriend, hating how hard his baby was crying, but feeling so angry with him for being the cause of his tears in the first place.

"It's him or me!" Louis burst out finally, shaking from head to toe, making Amy take the scared puppy out of his hands before he squeezed it too hard "You can't have both of us Harry!  It's him or me!  Your choice!"

Harry stood abruptly still.  His eyes darting over Louis in astonishment.  Whatever Louis' comeback would have been, he had never expected him to say that!  Never had he been asked to choose between two people he loved!  This was his boyfriend and his best mate, it was impossible, and whereas he didn't want to loose his baby, there was no way he was going to stand there and tolerate such - in his mind - unreasonable behaviour.

"I'll drive" he said finally, looking past Louis at Michael and Amy "Come on Will, you know this place better than us.  Where do you want to go?" he didn't even glance in his boyfriends direction.  "Besides Will, it is your birthday" he emphasised, hoping his skin would stop shivering with how much this exchange was killing him on the inside.

No one answered him.  Nobody moved.  Even when Louis let out a howl of anguish and fled for the stairs.  The sound of pounding feet echoed up the three flights of stairs, finishing with the slam of a door.

Harry gulped and looked around at his friends, obviously shaken up and hurting on the inside as much as Louis was on the outside.  He wished someone would reassure him.

"You did the right thing" Michael told him, reading his thoughts, and sounding a little shaken up himself, "Well done Harry.  Louis needed to hear that - as horrible as it was for you to say it"

"Maybe I should stay" suggested Amy, looking to where Louis had fled and twitching to go after him, snuggling into the little puppy for comfort, the other pawing at her leg for attention.

"No, come out with us" Michael disagreed, steering her to the door, then gathering up both puppies and putting them in their basket "Louis could do with some time to think things over on his own.  You coming lads?"

Harry and William both nodded numbly - both looking sad and guilty.

"He'll be fine" Michael promised them, "We don't have to stay out long, and to be honest I could really do with a drink!"

He herded the three to the front door and outside.  To be honest, none of them really felt like celebrating now - all of them feeling bad for Louis in different ways.

"Hey" Michael said softly, grabbing the back of William's jacket "I'm really proud of you for what you were trying to do today kiddo.  Keep it up"

William tried to smile, but failed "It's really hard" he whispered to his new friend "I think I'm fighting a losing battle"

"Your life is worth fighting for" Michael reminded him seriously.  He patted his shoulder "It'll get easier" he added kindly "I would like to say the worst of it is over thanks to Harry.  You've got a good friend there"

William nodded in agreement.  He had been surprised as Louis had been, when Harry had suddenly stuck up for him, and he never expected Harry to walk off and leave Louis behind like that - obviously their friendship did mean a lot more to the younger boy than he'd imagined.

 

They ended up in a cocktail bar a short drive away, which was situated in a basement, set out to look like a wine cellar in an ancient castle.  As always, Amy was wearing the most inappropriate foot wear, consisting of sky high heels, making her look like a cat stuck in a tree as she negotiated the steep stone steps.

"You're well high maintenance aren't you" commented William with a laugh, watching her hold onto the rail tightly, from where he stood waiting for her at the bottom.  Bounding up the stairs two at a time to pick her up, carrying her safely down to join Harry and Michael who were watching them with amused expressions.  Setting her down, William prodded Harry in the chest.

"Since you are the designated driver, you are in charge of getting her back up!"

Amy rolled her eyes, trying not to smile.

"Come on birthday boy, are we getting the drinks in or not?"

Michael and Harry secured a table in the furthest, most enclosed corner.  Harry was quite grateful for the lack of light, which was kept very low to in keep with the ambiance of the establishment - he didn't feel like getting spotted tonight.

"Louis will be fine" Michael smiled at him kindly and with the smallest hint of sympathy "Has he text you let?"

Harry wondered how he had managed to live this long without having such a kind man as his friend - he seemed to know exactly what he was thinking at all times.

"I haven't looked" he shrugged looking upset and rubbing his nose - a habit he'd picked up recently from Louis, "I'm afraid that if he does, it will be something that I won't like"

"It was good of you to stick up for William like that" Michael told him, "You're very loyal - which you don't often see these days"

"Lou doesn't think I'm loyal" Harry muttered "He thinks I don't love him anymore.  He told me to choose, and it looked like I chose his brother!  Who he hates for some reason. Michael?  How much have I fucked up here?  Louis' not going to forgive me is he?"

"What is there to forgive?" Michael asked easily "You simply stood up for yourself.  No one has the right to make you choose between two people close to you.  Walking away like that took courage, and in time, Louis will understand that.  Out of the two of them, William was the one you needed to reassure.  Louis knows you love him.  William might have been worried about how your relationship would affect your friendship, and you have done that.  So well done.  Credit where it's due"

"How do you do that?" Harry asked, astonished at how much calmer he felt, the ball of dread resting heavily in his stomach starting to disperse.

"Do what?" Michael even had the grace to look mildly surprised.

"Reel all that shit off and make me feel better about something I felt awful about?"

Michael smiled broadly and leaned over to pat Harry's knee.

"It's called listening Harry" he shrugged "The trick is to hear the things people don't tell you"

He sat back in his chair, craning his neck.

"I'm gonna make sure those two haven't got lost at the bar" he commented "And I sincerely doubt Miss Amy will manage to walk and carry a round of drinks!"

He jumped up smartly and disapeared.  Harry's hand diving automatically into his pocket to find his phone.  Had Louis messaged him?  No.  He hadn't.  But had he really expected him to?  No.  He hadn't.  His heart sank.  Should he text Louis?  Tell him he loved him?  Or give him a little more time to cool off?  Harry had no idea.

A brightly coloured drink in a tall glass was ceremoniously put on the table in front of him, the colours of red, orange and yellow almost luminous in the partial light.

"Don't worry, it's non alcoholic" Amy assured him, taking a sip from her own straw and smiling happily at the taste.

"Got enough drinks?" Harry asked dryly, noting there were four different glasses filled with a variety of colours sat on her space of the table top.

"Couldn't decide" Amy retorted "Besides, Will's got more than me.  We even had some shots at the bar" she tossed her hair, and gave William a flirtatious wink as he sat down next to her and grinned back.

Harry tried to keep his head in the conversation, which was pretty hard considering all he could think about was Louis - and wondering how it was possible for a small person like Amy to consume so much alcohol and still sound coherant!

"Come play a game of pool with me sweet" Michael said suddenly, standing up and ruffling Amy's wavy hair, picking up their drinks in the process.  He thought it was time that Harry and William spent some time together, just the two of them.

Amy however did not get the memo.

"But I don't know how to play!" She exclaimed in suprise, then rested her head on William's shoulder "Unless Will wants to play with me" she fluttered her eyelashes at him "I'm sure he could teach me how to handle a pool cue"

William blushed slightly.  The more Amy seemed to drink, the more obvious she made it that she was attracted to him.

"Lets go and get another drink then?" Michael offered, intent of coaxing her away from the two boys.

"I have a drink!"

Michael rolled his eyes.  This would have been so much easier if Charlotte had been there.

"Just come with me" he hissed in her ear "Let's leave..."

"Oh!  Do they want private time?" Amy asked in a stage whisper, her eyes widening with abrupt understanding.  She rolled her eyes at Michael "You should have just said!"

"I was trying to be subtle" Michael muttered, grabbing her arm to stop her from falling into the next table "When you are sober my dear, we will have to have a chat about those death traps you call shoes!"

"High heels are sexy!" Amy argued "Right William?"

William snorted "Yes babe, but broken ankles are not" he smirked "You know what is really sexy on a night out?" He asked her mischievously.

"What?" Amy breathed, leaning in towards him, feeling all unnecessary under his gaze which she was choosing to interpret as longing.

"Flat shoes" William winked at her "There is nothing sexier than a girl who can walk in a straight line in a shoe with a flat sole!"

Amy glared at him the same way as she would at a naughty puppy - unsuccessfully!

 

With their friends no longer at the table, both Harry and William allowed their masks to slip, looking miserably into their drinks, figeting with their feet and straws.

"Well this is shit!" commented William after a few minutes of silence, "Can't imagine how you're feeling bud!"

"Like complete crap" Harry stated with a false air of enthusiasm "Yourself?"

"Ditto" 

William clinked his glass with Harry.

"Seriously mate, you didn't have to do that.  If you want us to leave so you can go back to Lou, I really don't mind...its not like I'm not worried about him either. All this is my fault.  I shouldn't have turned up unexpected"

"About that" Harry pondered, watching his friend suspiciously "How come I knew of your plans before the rest of your family.  None of them seemed to know you were coming"

William's mouth twitched. "If I hadn't have told you, I wouldn't have gone through with it" he replied quietly "took enough courage just to walk through the front door"

"How come you changed your mind about your plans?" Harry asked, realising that they hadn't really talked in a while.  The day William had hung out with Harry after Louis had left London, wasn't exactly quality.  Harry was missing his boyfriend, and William was deep in thought and silent the entire time.

"I had a chat with a wise person recently" William told Harry, intentionally not mentioning Michael's name "Made me realise that I didn't want to spend my birthday on my own"

"I was going to come and see you" Harry voiced, "We always spend your birthday together"

"You might have been too busy this year" William muttered "Things have changed since you got with Lou.  I thought you'd forget about our time.  Which would have been fine!" He added quickly, not wanting to upset his only friend "I just didn't want to put pressure on you to have to choose, or make you feel guilty about the decision you might have already made"

"Will I would never do that to you" Harry insisted, Michael's words echoing in his head, about how much more William needed his reassurance "I haven't exactly been there for you lately have I?"

William shook his head in a determined manner "You were there for me today when it mattered" he smiled softly "I didn't expect that, thank you.  I know it was hard for you to do"

"Wasn't hard at all" Harry lied stiffly "Louis' the one I want to spend the rest of my life with and I love him to bits.  But you're my best friend, and I love you too. Louis knows that.  I was just so shocked that he actually wanted me to choose between you both.  It's not fair!  I would never ask him to do that!"

"Don't be mad at him" William insisted, "It's not his fault"

"Do you really think you can both sort things out?"

William took a while to consider the question.

"Maybe if he gets used to me hanging around more" he shrugged "Which I plan to do.  I'm sick of hiding from him.  I don't know if you've noticed, but he's sending me a lot of mixed messages.  Like he tells me he wants to talk, then he threatens me to stay away from you, then he hugs me and wants to know if we're ok, then he wants me out of his sight.  It's very confusing to be honest.  So, I'm going to do exactly what I want to do, and if he likes it then great, but if he doesn't..." William shrugged again "No one can say I didn't try"

"You'll always be my best friend" Harry assured him "Even if you two don't get along.  I'll always make time for us, I promise"

"Thanks" William smiled "But I'm still kinda banking on everything being alright again....eventually"

 

"Hey!" Amy squealed, rushing up to the two of them "Sorry to interrupt, but Lou just text me!  Did he text you too?"

Harry and William both dived for their phones, but looked up disappointed.

"What did he say?" Asked Harry, feeling subdued.

"I'm sorry, I love you" read Amy looking at her phone and grinning "I text him asking if he was ok and said I loved him" she found it necessary to explain.

"Can we go home now?" Harry asked, sounding pained "I think he's suffered enough"

Amy nodded happily "Can you carry me though?" She asked suddenly "Michael's run off with my shoes!"

 

After dropping Amy and Michael at their respective houses, and William at his mums, Harry drove home as quickly as possible.  He wasn't even sure if Louis would still be there.

Running up to the bedroom, Harry felt nothing except relief as he laid eyes on the small body of his boyfriend, tucked up in the middle of his bed, curled up in a ball with two sleeping puppies nestled into his face.  He didn't move, but Harry was certain he wasn't asleep.  He was too quiet.

Crawling into bed, still fully clothed apart from his shoes, Harry tried not to shake with nerves, welcoming the one puppy who had come to say hello, making excited little squeaks and wagging its stump of a tail.

"Hello Larry" he whispered, scratching it behind his ears "Have you been looking after daddy with Stylinson?"

The puppy licked his nose in response.  Harry smiled at it wistfully, it reminded him so much of Louis when he was feeling playful.

"Was daddy ok whilst I was gone?" he asked, his eyes darting towards Louis' duvet covered back, "I know he's sleeping now..." 

Harry knew there was no chance that Louis was asleep.  He was awake and listening to every single word.

"But I really hope he knows how much I wish that didn't happen, and I wish he knew why I did what I did" he paused and nuzzled the little puppies face against his cheek "I hope he realised that I didn't choose William over him Larry because...."

"That's not Larry" he heard Louis mutter.

"whoops, sorry Stylinson!" Harry corrected himself, glad that Louis was at least talking to him.

"He's called Thrall" the voice came again, muffled by his pillow,"I have Vol'jin"

Harry raised an eyebrow.

"You changed their names?" What did that mean?  Had Harry really ruined this even more than he'd feared.

"You might not have come home" Louis sniffed quietly "I was just getting used to the idea of being without you.  After all, you did choose William" a large sob choked him.

"Baby I..."

"There's a box on your desk" Louis interrupted sitting up and pulling the duvet up to his chin, "Go and look in it" 

Upset by how red and painful Louis' eyes looked, Harry nodded and shuffled out of bed to his desk, where a large cardboard box was, peeking inside.

"What is all this stuff?" He asked, poking around at the mixture of brand new clothes, CDs, computer games and pieces of paper.

"you said that I don't do anything for William and don't give him a second thought" Louis whispered, every sylibol dripping with defense "The contents of that box proves you're wrong"

He held out his hands for the box, refusing to look Harry in the eye.  Once next to him, he started to remove items, holding them up and then placing them carefully beside him.

"This is a signed copy of his favourite album" he told Harry tearfully "I got it for him for Christmas three years ago.  This is a t-shirt that I knew he would find funny" he pulled out a ticket stub "This is my ticket to his final music performance at university"

He met Harry's eyes.

"I wanted their last show to be a sell out" he explained "And I wanted to see him play and hear him sing"

Louis' face was blank, his voice was of monotone, but Harry could feel every wave of emotion regardless.

"He doesn't know I went" he stated obviously "Or my mum.  I got the train up, waited until everyone had gone in, and hid at the back.  It was beautiful" he remembered wistfully "And I was so proud of him"

Harry nodded, dumbstruck "I was there" he uttered slowly, "It was his best performance"

Louis seemed to pull himself together and pulled more things out of the box.

"I got him this for Christmas two years ago.  This was for his twentith birthday.  These photos are of the sunsets at his favourite place - he loves the colours of the sky..." Louis sniffed "He used to do a handstand so he could see them upside down, said the clouds looked like islands that way" He threw the photos at Harry, little tears slipping down his cheeks.  He pulled out a thick leather covered journal and handed it to his boyfriend.

"I made that for him seven months ago" he explained "It's got all the poems in it that he wrote growing up.  I stuck them all in and illustrated them"

Silently Harry flicked through the pages, quietly admiring the beautiful little sketches that went so well with the lovely lyrics, all carefully printed in William's best writing.

"Why didn't you..."

"You think it was easy for me to loose my best friend?" Louis asked him coldly "You think I would have given him up if I didn't think it was absolutely necessary?  You think a day goes by when I don't want to talk to him or ask him something, or even tell him a funny joke that I heard?"

"Louis I..."

"It's fucking hard Harry!" Louis snapped, sweeping all the items onto the floor with a crash, "Do you think I wanted to tell you any of this?  No!  But I had to, because otherwise you will go on thinking I'm nasty and selfish!  And do you know why you think that Harry?" He cocked his head to the side and glared at him.

"Because William got to you first!  Just because I don't tell you how much I miss him, or whine about all the things I want to tell him, or constantly ask about how he is or what he's doing, doesn't mean I don't care!  I knew he would do this!  I knew he would turn you against me!" his temper was getting the better of Louis, fire burning behind his eyes "Who's to say it's just going to be you?  He's getting close to my friends now!  How long is it going to be before William starts telling them shit about me?  How long is it before they start to listen to him?  How long is it going to be before you all up and leave me because I can't tell you why I can't be his brother anymore, and you think it's just me being a dick?" He laughed brokenly "Oh wait...you already did!"

Harry sat on the edge of the bed stunned.  He had no idea what to say in the slightest.

"Louis, why..."

"Do not ask me!" Louis snapped, "If I wanted to tell you, I would have done.  Just accept my decision.  I can't stop you from being his friend, I can't stop you from listening to all the bullshit that comes out of his mouth, I can't stop how you feel about me in relation to what he says, no matter how kind and caring his words sound. However, I can, and I will refuse to let you make me feel guilty for something that ultimately you want, that I cannot give you!"

"What is that?" Harry asked hesitantly, itching to reach out for Louis and hold him tightly.

"You want the best of both worlds" Louis said, rubbing his nose on the back of his hand, "You want me to do something that goes against everything I think is right and you want it because it will make things easier on you"

Harry was shaking his head frantically.

"I didn't object to William going for a drink with his friends" Louis hissed "I objected to him going for a drink with mine!  I don't care if that sounds selfish, they are my friends, I love them, and I don't want to lose them!  If William tells them what happened that night...."

All of a sudden Louis' eyes widened dramatically, the colour draining from his face, realising he had been so close to saying too much.  But it didn't look like Harry had even heard him.

"Baby I'm so sorry" he pleaded, gathering Louis' little hands in his and kissing his knuckles "I didn't mean to do that!  I'm so sorry!  I love you so much!"

"I love you too" Louis stated simply, "But I expected you to know me better by now.    I'm not a horrible person.  I don't want to hurt anyone.  The only thing that my problem is hurting, is you and I.  All the problems we have are because of you trying so hard to force us together.  It's not meant to be Harry!  Why can't you see that?  Why can't you let it go?"

"Because I love you both" whispered Harry, rubbing the back of Louis' hand against his cheek "And I want you both to be happy"

"I want Will to be happy too" Louis confirmed "But for me to be happy, he has to stay as far away from me as possible.  If you can't let that happen - then you and I are going to have problems" he took a deep breath, swallowed hard and continued as though he was about to share a major confession "And if you can't handle that, then I'd rather we break up now than continue to fight about him"

"You want to break up with me?"

Harry's head spun as though he was experiencing a sudden case of vertigo.  His stomach lurched and he flung himself on top of Louis, holding him so tightly to him that the smaller boy couldn't move, let alone speak.

"You can't!" He wept hysterically, clawing Louis' back with his fingers, "Please baby! I'm so sorry!  I won't see him anymore!  I can't lose you!  I can't!  Please don't do this!"

"I don't want to!" Louis squeaked from somewhere under him, heart racing, limbs shaking "But if this continues I'm going to have to.  This wasn't a stupid little argument Harry!  Why can't you take me seriously?"

"What was it?" Harry suddenly exploded, his inner turmoil and sadness changing in a blink of an eye to anger "How am I meant to understand when you won't tell me?  It cannot be that bad!  Nothing can possibly be that bad!" for the first time ever, he shoved himself away from Louis. Louis didn't love him.  He blatantly didn't trust him!  Without trust, where were they supposed to go?  He stood at the bottom of the bed, breathing hard, not able to catch his breath.  Feeling more helpless than he had ever felt before.  Louis just sat in bed still, cowering into the covers, trying to look decisive, but falling apart before his very eyes.  Every instinct in Harry made him want to comfort him, but how could he do that properly without knowing.  But then again, if it was that bad, did he really want to know?  He tried to listen like Michael did.  Hear the things that Louis wasn't telling him - all he heard was static.

"What are we going to do?" He asked finally, his anger subsiding back into helplessness, realising that he would have to leave in a few hours and wishing he didn't.  How could he leave things like this?

Louis shrugged his trembling shoulders.

"I don't know.  I'm not going to change my mind..."

"But you miss him!" Harry blurted out, thinking about how the more he knew, the less he understood "You miss him so much and you know you do!  You care about him!  Why...why can't you just put the past behind you?"  he wanted to tear his hair out with frustration, "Why are you so upset about your ex boyfriend?  You have me now and I love you so much! Aren't I good enough?  Don't I look after you and treat you well enough?  Are you really still so hung up on your ex?  I know all about it Louis!  I know he physically hurt you..."

Harry forgot in the heat of the moment that he was revealing things to Louis that he wasn't meant to know.

Louis face went white and sickly.  Stunned into silence, then faster than a bolt of lightening, he sprang to his feet. 

Harry looked on in shock as Louis flew into a full scale tornado of anger and fury, tearing at his hair, throwing anything he could lay his hands upon, howling the most animalistic sounds in a fit of the highest levels of anxiety.  He was gasping, trying to take in the deepest of breaths, but not quite managing, falling to the floor, hyperventilating.

"Lou!" Harry cried out in alarm, falling on his knees and crawling over to him, trying to clamp his arms to his sides to prevent him from hurting himself "Oh my God, Louis stop!"

"How do you know!?" Louis was spluttering, struggling to get away, "Don't touch me!" he wailed hysterically, fighting Harry off every time he tried to get close "Don't look at me Harry!  Don't..."

His eyes bugged as he coughed hard, desperately trying to suck in a breath of air, and smack Harry's hand away at the same time.  Stomach lurching, luminous yellow bile, projected violently out of his mouth, spraying onto the carpet, dribbling down his chin.

Louis' mind was crumbling.  Harry knew what had happened.  His life was over!  Harry knew how disgusting he'd been!  Harry knew what a bad boy he was!  His chest was constricting, his vision was blurring, he didn't feel Harry leap to his feet, cradling him in his strong arms as he rushed them both into the bathroom and holding him gently over the toilet.

"It's ok baby, I've got you" Harry tried to comfort Louis, rubbing his back as his boyfriend continued to heave and splutter into the bowl, "Get it all out, I'm right here baby"

He tried to think back to the moment that Louis had gone crazy, what he'd said to set him off like that.

The conclusion slapped him so hard in the face that he outwardly gasped, accidently clenching his fingers into Louis' shoulder.  It was so blatantly obvious now when he put all the evidence together - Louis' argument with his ex, William beating the guy within an inch of his life, Louis hurt and limping for days afterwards.

Harry realised why Louis didn't want his brother around, why William blamed himself...he even understood Louis' problems in the bedroom now...it was vile, disgusting...absolutely heartbreaking...

Louis had stopped being sick, but was still crouched over the toilet, resting the side of his face on the seat, looking rather green and dazed.

"Come on my darling boy, lets get you cleaned up" Harry felt a tear slide down his cheek as he helped the suddenly timid boy to his feet, and leading him to the shower.  Every inch of him felt numb and nauseous.  But what should he do now?  If he was right - and he was sick to the stomach that he was - he was going to have to tread so carefully.  Standing a glassy eyed Louis against the wall, he bent down so they were eye to eye, then bent lower, so he looked as non threatening as possible.

"Need to get you in the shower sweetheart" he said slowly, taking Louis' hand in his and kissing his knuckles - almost like he had gone into shock, Louis barely responded.

"I'm gonna need to get your dirty clothes off" Harry told him, conscious that he could end up on the wrong side of a shit storm if Louis' current mindset misinterpreted him.

Louis blinked at him owlishly, then looked blankly down at himself in alarm.

"Wha?" He whispered, coming to "Harry?"

"It's ok baby" Harry held both of Louis' hands, looking intently into the innocent baby blue eyes that were so lost and confused, "You're at home, you're safe and I love you so much baby.  I just need you to take your clothes off so I can get you clean"

"You're still here!" murmured Louis dissolving into a fresh wave of tears, "Why are you still here?  Why aren't you telling me I'm revolting?"

Shock forced Harry's mouth to open on its own.  Pulling Louis' frame into his arms and clasping him tightly to him.  If anything, he only wanted to hold onto him longer, not discard him!

"You are not revolting!" he said angrily into  the side of his neck "You are my beautiful, brave boy...."

"I'm a coward!" Louis argued shrilly, struggling to get away again "I'm a bad boy!  A disgusting, bad boy!"

"Shhhh, I'm not going to hurt you baby.  I will never let anyone hurt you again!  You don't have to hide anymore baby, I know"

For a moment it looked as though Louis was going to be sick again as he retched a little, but was ultimately a false alarm.

It was the only time Harry could ask him. Louis was already distressed, and if everything was out in the open, Harry could find a way to fix things.  Forgetting about how dirty the lads clothes were, he scooped the smaller boy into his arms, only pausing to grab a damp cloth, and carry them both back to the bed.  Louis looked exhausted, not all there.  It was exactly like when he had gone into shock at the party.

Harry said it as quickly as ripping off a plaster.

"The night of the leavers party" he said, his tongue feeling as rough and dry as sandpaper "Your ex raped you didn't he?"


	41. Chapter 41

Harry hadn't wanted to leave Louis.  Even if it was Christmas morning and his family were expecting him.  The timing was rubbish.  He was on edge and tense.  His hands gripped the steering wheel tighter than necessary, and he couldn't even bring himself to sing along to the radio.  He just wanted to do a U turn, and go home to his baby.

After he had asked the question, time felt like it froze.  Harry was dreading the answer, but Louis was just staring at him with these huge, frightened eyes, and didn't say a word.

"Baby?" he'd asked tentively.  He wished that Louis would at least blink.  A sheen of sweat was shining on his flushed face, his chin sill coated with...

Very carefully Harry reached for the damp cloth, gently wiping Louis' face clean with it.  There was no response, Louis just let him do it.

There was no doubt in Harry's mind that he was right.  Louis wasn't denying it at all, in fact there was a touch of relief in his eyes.

Could it be because someone finally knew and could support him?  Was he relieved that Harry had guessed so he didnt have to go through telling him at his own accord?

"Let's get you out of that shirt" Harry said gently, prying Louis' arms away from where he was hugging his own chest, and beginning to undo the buttons slowly.

Louis let him take it off, just sitting there as Harry bundled one of his hoodies over his head and dressed him.  His heart ached for how long Louis must have been carrying this burden around with him, and the more he thought about it, the more he realised that Louis didn't hate William at all.  He never had done - he was just trying to distance himself from everything, and everyone who he'd encountered that fateful night.  That's why he couldn't stand being around William, he probably couldn't look at his twin without remembering what had happened to him.

"Harry I...."

Louis' voice was cracked and aching, wrapping his arms around himself so tightly.

"Shhhh" Harry stopped him, pressing a finger to his boyfriends lips, "You don't have to say a word baby.  I understand" hesitantly he kissed the boys forehead gently "I'm going to help you through this baby I promise.  You've been strong for long enough.  Please let me take the strain off you?  Let me help?"

Louis was staring at him in wonder.  His poor head was spinning because he just didn't understand what was happening and why.  He didn't want to lie to Harry, he didn't want him to think something dreadful had been done to him, when something dreadful had happened because of him!  In a moment of madness, he wanted to tell Harry.  Tell his boyfriend every disgusting little thing he and William had done...but if he did that.  If he was honest...Harry would leave him...but wasn't it better for him to leave knowing what had happened, than stay because Louis had let him believe something false?

He wanted to be honest.  Louis wanted to tell him.  He opened his mouth, words collecting in it before his brain managed to catch up.

"Harry I..."

Harry's finger pressed against his mouth, silencing him with a low hum of comfort, and in that time, Louis' brain began to tick, his conscious was beaten back by his common sense, and the moment to reveal everything passed.

Harry was being so gentle with him, so tender, so loving, whispering how important and brave Louis was, and how he was going to help him.

Cuddled up together, Louis wrapped up in Harry's big arms, Harry sang into his ear to get him to sleep.

"oh I will carry you over, fire and water for your love, and I will hold you closer, hope your heart is strong enough.  When the night is coming down on you, we will find a way, through the dark"

The guilt magnified itself as Louis burrowed into Harry's chest, clutching at his warm, bare back, rubbing the pads of his fingers up and down his spine.  He didn't think he could have felt so terrible as he had done after the event in question.  But this was worse, so much worse.  The boy who had his arms around him, the boy who was promising to keep him safe and to help him, didn't deserve this.  Harry was always giving.  With no question, never asking for anything in return.  He was so loving, and trusting, always putting himself before others.

Louis didn't deserve Harry's love and care - there were so many other people out there who was more worthy of him. 

Who was Louis Tomlinson?

A nasty, deceitful little liar!

But what could he do?  Would Harry - even with his huge heart, and unwavering patience and trust - be able to see the good in Louis if he told him?  Could he afford to take such a risk?

Harry was sleeping now.  Louis could tell from how his jaw and grip on him had slackened.

Very carefully, trying his hardest not to wake him up, Louis reached for his phone, scrolled to the final page of apps, and pulled up Twitter.  The place he had always gone to read about Harry (when they weren't together), or tell him things that he was unable to say in person.

Like now.

@harry_styles everybody's got a dark side, will you love mine? #storyofmylife

Then Louis thought about William.  How if he told Harry the truth, it wouldn't just be about him.  It would affect his twin too - Harry's best friend.  Being honest wouldn't just ruin Louis' life, it would also ruin William's....and Harry's....

@harry_styles nobody's picture perfect, but we're worth it #storyofmylife

The second it was posted, Louis went straight to Harry's mentions.  Hundreds of them.  So many, Louis couldn't even find his own tweet, amongst the spamming for follows, opinions, or declarations of love for the treasure that was Harry Styles.  If he couldn't see his own tweet, what were the chances of Harry ever seeing it - and if he did - there was no way he would ever put it together with Louis.  After all...the Louis Harry knew, didn't have a dark side.

It was a long time before Louis fell asleep.

 

One of the first thoughts that Harry sprung to as he woke up on Christmas morning.

Where's Louis?

The sheets next to him were cold to the touch, Harry springing out of bed in alarm, not even pausing to get dressed as he thundered downstairs to look for him.  Had he run off? Was he in danger of hurting himself?

The sight that met his eyes as he entered the living room, both endeared him and relaxed him in equal measures.

Louis was laying underneath the Christmas tree (a huge, heavily decorated one that looked pretty gaudy with the amount of lights and tinsel smothering it), crumpled paper all around him, bits of sellotape in his hair, fast asleep, both puppies nestling into his tummy.

Heaving a sigh of relief and smiling so fondly, Harry sat cross legged next to his boy, cooing at how quickly Larry and Stylinson awoke, giving excited little squeaks, wagging their little tails as they tried to climb Harry's chest to lick his face.

"Wakey wakey sunshine" Harry whispered, carding his fingers through Louis' hair, making him groan tiredly as he pulled into consciousness, rubbing his blearly eyes.

"Merry Christmas Harry" Louis yawned, almost sitting right on top of Larry as he crawled into his boyfriends lap, nuzzling into his neck, and sticking his fingers in his curls "Love you"

"Love you too baby" Harry whispered, kissing Louis' cheek.

Harry still felt odd.  He was worried about how Louis would be feeling after last night.  Should he say something?  Not say anything?  Was he alright?  Why did this have to happen on the day he was expected to be somewhere else?

"When do you have to be at your mum's?" Louis asked, reading his thoughts.

"Said I'd be there for about one-ish" Harry told him, searching his face for any sign of  negative thoughts "Said I'd stay for three days, but I can come back tonight if you need me"

Harry knew that his family would be disappointed if he left the festivities early, but he was sure they would understand...not that he could mention why...

"Don't you dare!" Louis scolded playfully, making one of the puppies bat him on his nose with a paw.  

So he was putting on a brave face after all, Harry swiftly decided.  Ok.  He would play along...for now...

Their first Christmas morning felt like a blissful gap in the storm.  Harry made them both breakfast whilst Louis took the puppies outside to stretch their legs, bringing them back in to have their breakfast - and a good deal of Louis', not being able to say no when they begged him for bits of his bacon!

"You're gonna turn them into butter balls whilst I'm away aren't you" groaned Harry, watching disapprovingly as Stylinson eagerly licked the grease from his boyfriends fingers as Louis scratched him behind his soft ears.

"They're growing boys!" Louis objected with a sly smile "I don't hear you objecting when I suck on your fingers!"

"Different thing entirely babe" Harry rolled his eyes, clearing their empty plates to the dishwasher "However..."

"You only had to ask" Louis smirked, pushing Harry up against the sink, whilst giving him a long kiss, fully intending on ending up on his knees for Harry.  But for once, Harry had other ideas.  He didn't exactly push Louis away, or say no.  But Harry did cough awkwardly as he finished the kiss quickly, almost knocking Louis over in his bid to grab Stylinson to stop him from...sitting quietly on the floor...

"What's wrong?" Louis asked immediately, dreading how Harry would answer him.  He was trying so hard to hold himself together, and not draw any attention to last night, but it was not looking promising that Harry was on the same page as him this time.

"Nothing's wrong baby," Harry promised him, kissing his forehead swiftly, the puppy in his arms creating quite a barrier between the two of them, "I just don't want to run out of time and you have to wait another three days for your presents" and pretty much shoving Louis back over to the tree.

"I was going to give you a present just then" Louis muttered, looking down at his two puppies, feeling embarrassed and discarded, "And he would have loved it!" he hissed adamantly to them, peeping up at Harry to see him disapearing into the hallway.

It was lucky that Louis' present was in another room, because Harry needed a breather.  He knew plain as day what Louis' intentions had been when he'd been pushed against the sink, but Harry just couldn't let him continue.  

Every time he looked at Louis, closed his eyes, even thought about his boyfriend - all he could imagine was his poor baby, helplessly struggling, against some faceless man.  He could head the cries, the terrified whimpers, the shout of pain - all too clearly in his mind.

Louis had told him that sex had always hurt, that he'd bled every time.  Harry had thought at the time that his exes just hadn't cared enough to treat him properly - just use him as a fast fuck!  Had Louis really been trying to tell him this?  Had that been a hint?

Regardless - right now, Harry just couldn't make love to Louis, or have him perform any sexual act on him - because, when something or someone hurt Louis, they hurt him too.  With those thoughts prominant in his mind - Harry wouldn't be able to get hard for his boyfriend - no matter how much he loved him, or how sexy Harry found him - but Louis probably wouldn't understand that.  He'd think that Harry no longer found him attractive, or he was doing something wrong.  Louis would worry that he was too fat, or a turn off because he considered himself weak, or something ridiculous like that.

The kindest thing for Harry to do, would be not to draw attention to his apparent lack of sex drive, and shower his baby with as much love and care as possible.  Because Harry wasn't with Louis just for a physical relationship.

Harry was with Louis because he loved him - the massive bundle of adorable, energetic, laugh out loud deliciousness, that managed to cram itself into Louis' tiny frame.  

He was with him for their stupid conversations, that could make him laugh until his cheeks hurt from smiling so much.  

Harry loved how Louis could never go to bed without a cup of tea in his hand, but hated doing the washing up and would wonder why there were no clean mugs.  

Harry adored how passionate Louis could be about things:  his friends, his family (even his twin on the inside), his job...World of Warcraft.

But most of all, Harry loved how Louis treated him.  

To some he was considered special and important.  Someone to make use of.

One Direction were more successful than any of the members thought it would be, and there were a lot of fake people around, who just liked him because they knew of his name.

Louis had always been a fan - right from the start.  

He still sung their songs in the shower, argued that he wanted to put his beloved 1D duvet cover on their bed when he moved in (Harry had overly cringed at this suggestion), and was always asking him about what rumours were true and which weren't.

Louis had been starry eyed when they'd met - maybe slightly in awe that Harry Styles was in front of him.  But somewhere along the line, it felt like Louis had stopped seeing him as Harry Styles - possibly after their first date - and then he was just Harry.  A boy, who happened to be loved by millions, who Louis was attracted to and liked.  He didn't beg Harry for expensive gifts because he knew Harry was (very) financially well off, he didn't expect to taken to fancy places, and would be happy eating a bacon roll in Starbucks on a busy day, then go to a five star restaurant.

Harry liked how Louis was private about their relationship (although he was pretty sure that Amy and Charlotte knew a little too much than he was comfortable with).  Harry didn't think there was one huge reason why Louis wanted to be with him, probably the same millions of little reasons why he wanted to be with Louis.  

The point was, the band could collapse tomorrow, and he knew that the first thing Louis would do was make sure he was ok, and he was happy.  He wouldn't look at him any differently, and his hugs and kisses would never change.  

Harry doubted Louis would even say how happy he was to have Harry around more...he'd keep that to himself - because Louis was sensitive like that.

Just one of the many reasons Harry knew in his heart that Louis was his for keeps.

 

"If you don't like it, it's totally fine" Louis rambled anxiously as Harry unwrapped his gift.

They were sat underneath the Christmas tree once more, surrounded by the ripped paper from the presents from Harry that Louis had just opened.

As usual, Louis had been completely blown away by how much Harry paid attention to the little details.

Now he was proudly wearing a gorgeous, luxurious peacock blue jumper, made from the softest cashmere in a chunky knit.  Harry loved how it made Louis' eyes turn an even deeper shade of blue.

It wasn't the only gift Harry had gotten Louis - but it was the easiest choice.  

He had felt a bit silly when Louis had opened the Platinum disk for his favourite One Direction album, personally signed by all the band just for him - but Louis had loved it - of course, he was their biggest fan!

After opening (and exclaiming over), a huge model layout of Orgrimmar (the main Horde city in World of Warcraft), Harry had presented him with his final (and most personal) present.  

It was a journal, covered with tattered, well used leather - one that had travelled to most parts of the world and been photographed in Harry's hands countless times over the years - because it was Harry's journal. The three hundred pages were doodles of possible tattoos, his thoughts about the people he'd met and the place's he'd seen.  But most importantly, it was laced with Harry's constant thoughts and dreams, about the boy in the photograph he was desperate to meet - and a detailed account of what had happened when they finally did.

Louis hadn't known what to say as he flicked through the full pages.  All of Harry's secrets and inner thoughts and feelings were all written down in his spidery handwriting, and he was openly handing it to Louis to read and absorb - pretty much exposing his heart, mind and soul all at once.

It was the most touching, and trusting gesture Louis had ever encountered in his life so far.

Louis had never felt less worthy.

He was already a little nervous about his present to Harry, but now it looked even more stupid and lame compared to Harry's journal!

"Actually, I'll get you something else," Louis hastened to exclaim, making a grab for the package as Harry was carefully tearing open the colourful (badly wrapped) paper, "It's really stupid.  You'll hate it."

Harry swatted Louis' grabby hand away, and ripped off the remaining paper to reveal a smart black box.

Louis watched him, chewing nervously on his knuckles.

At first glance, it looked like a new watch. But when examined closely, where the face of the clock would go, there was instead a glass door to a large round locket, connected as a wrist watch by a thick strap, crafted out of a high quality chocolate brown leather.

"It opens here," Louis leapt in quickly, showing Harry the clasp, and er, inside..."

Harry smiled fondly as Louis took it from him and shook out a variety of little charms into his hand.  

"They have multiple meanings," Louis was babbling, "Shall I....?"

"Come here," 

Harry leaned over, putting his hands around Louis' waist and dragging him onto his lap, then he hooked his chin over the smaller boys shoulder.

"Tell me?" He asked, sweetly kissing Louis' cheek, finding it quite cute how nervous Louis seemed to be.

"Well I chose things that I think are special to you, and things that I think of when I think of you, and us" Louis started.  He sifted through the charms in his hand, indicating for Harry to hold his palm open.

"The 'L' and 'T' stand for Louis Tomlinson - obviously" he rolled his eyes at himself "But it also stands for all the little things I love about you, and the 'L' also stands for Liam"

Harry was gazing at Louis with rapt attention, smiling so much he thought his face was going to crack.  This was just too adorable.

"The 'Z' is for Zayn, but it's also a sideways 'N' for Niall," Louis was saying, holding up the letter and turning it around in his fingers so Harry could see it from both angles, "We have 1D for obviously reasons.  Here's a heart because I love you and you...you have the biggest heart I've ever known.  This one says 'Family' because it's most important to you.

Louis stopped as Harry pressed a kiss to the corner of his mouth, and closed his eyes with relief.  Maybe this wasn't so silly after all.  The next three were self explanatory in the shape of a musical note, a small boot and the logo of Yves Saint Laurent."

"Is that my tattoo?" Harry asked as Louis poked at a butterfly shaped one with his finger.

"Partly."

A growing blush was forming on Louis' cheeks.

"Partly" he admitted "But...there's this song...that I play when you're not here...and I always think of you when I play it.  He pointed back at the locket.  My favourite line is engraved on the inside"

Curiously, Harry picked it up, and squinted to see the miniscule script that sat on the floor of the locket space.

_"Everybody watchs every time you take flight, they're blinded by your light"_

"Because you're my butterfly," Louis whispered gently, smiling as Harry wrapped his arms tighter around his waist and nosed at his cheek for a kiss.

"I love to watch you spread your wings and fly, and let your colours shine"

"Baby, this is, perfect." Harry told Louis honestly, kissing his boyfriends lips slow and passionately, "I absolutely love it.  I'm never going to take it off"

Louis glowed at his words, blushing a little more deeply, so pleased that Harry loved it.  It had taken him a while to put together, and cost him a fair bit, so much so that he'd had to spend a lot of his savings.  This was because the outer casing was made from a platinum setting, with waterproof glass and seal.  The leather had been the most sturdy and expensive one you could get, and of course, the charms had to be platinum too, so they could match the setting.  Louis supposed he could have gotten it in silver, or white gold, but this was Harry Styles - dressed in designed from head to toe, and this wasn't any old bracelet.  It was a symbol of his love, and his love was not made from anything cheaper than platinum!

But Harry didn't notice the materials as such.  What he saw, was the love, attention to detail and effort Louis had put into making the most personal and romantic gift, he'd ever received.

"What's the 'M' for?" Harry asked, as he arranged the charms back into the locket, and realising that Louis was yet to explain this one.

Louis coughed a little.

"That's a 'W'," he explained quietly, "For William.  Because he's important to you, and he deserves a place in there too"

The rush of adoration at the gesture, warmed Harry's heart from the inside out.  Just when he didn't think Louis had anymore surprises left for him, he went and said that.

"I love you so much!" he murmured huskily, rolling them both over, so Louis was laid on the floor, Harry hovering over him, so he could gently kiss every inch of his perfect face. "Every time I don't think I can love you more, you go and prove me wrong!"

 

When Harry had left, to make the long drive up to his mum and sisters house, Louis had been fine.  He might have still been getting ready to see his own family, but he was happy (well, he was pretending to be) - even more so when Harry promised faithfully to call him that evening.

But no matter how well Louis seemed on the surface, Harry was still concerned that he was still bottling last night's episode up inside him, and was concerned that for the three days he would be away, his thoughts would fester into something...dark.

Pulling over at the first spot he could find, he quickly called the person, the only one whom Harry could trust in this situation.

"Merry Christmas Harry!" chirped William, answering the phone on the second ring.  He sounded happy enough, but there was a small amount of uncertainty in the background.

Harry got straight to the point.

"Merry Christmas to you too mate," he replied, not realising his tone was a little off, "look, I need to talk to you about Louis"

"Why?  What's wrong?" demanded William immediately, sounding louder, as though the phone was pressed right up against his face "Did something happen last night?  It did right? Why didn't you call me?" he frantically accused.

Harry scrunched up his face, thinking hard and quickly.  He should have expected William to over-react, but, with all the thoughts circulating his mind anyway, it just hadn't occured to him.

"Are you alone?" Harry asked, trying his best to figure out how to word this.  William assured him he was.

"I'm just going to be honest with you," he told William, "I know what happened that night..."

There was a sharp gasp of breath from William.  Harry knew.  This was it.  Their friendship was over.  Louis' relationship was over.  Any chance of reconciling with his twin was over!

"...don't ask me how it came up, I can hardly remember...anyway, he got really upset...panicking, vomiting...he was in a bad way...he was saying things..."  Harry trailed off, the horrible thoughts thundering their way forward to the front of his mind.

"Harry!  What did he say?"  William was absolutely besides himself now, fearing the worst, "Tell me!"

"He didn't tell me directly," Harry sighed sadly, feeling guilty once more for leaving Louis behind, "I guessed what had happened and asked him..."

"Harry!  You have to believe me mate, it...."

William stumbled where he stood and sat down hard on the floor.  He felt like he was going to be sick.  The anticipation was too much!  His heart was pounding in his chest, his brow and hands were sweating!

He had to calm down.  He had to think it through.  He had to breathe.  In.  Out.  In.  Out.  Harry couldn't know, he was too calm, too collected, too nice.  In.  Out.  In.  Out.  It suddenly occured to William that Harry hadn't stopped talking.

"...and I understand why you did it, I would have done exacfly the same thing!" Harry was saying animatedly "It makes me so..." He growled, "...makes me so angry!  I'd like to rip his..."

William held his breath.

"Look, Will?  I am really hacked off with you that you didn't tell me this, because this is relevant information!  It explains so much about why Louis' like he is.  You should have told me, then I'd have been able to support him sooner!  I could have supported both of you!"

William bulked, spluttering into his hand.  He was still asleep right?  He was dreaming?  Harry actually wanted to support them?  Why?  When was a person ever this understanding?

Also, how could Harry have guessed that? It wasn't a usual occurrence, was it?

Michael!  It had to be that little shit! He must have gone straight to Harry and said things...probably in a stupid ambiguous way, but enough for Harry to put two and two together!  

But...if that had happened...why wasn't Harry furious?

"Why didn't you tell me Will?" Harry asked, sounding strained.

"I.." William had suddenly developed a nervous cough.  There was something in his throat, he couldn't dislodge it.

"I don't even know how to begin telling you that night" he uttered miserably.  Hating himself with every fibre in his body.

"I understand," Harry responded quietly, he sounded distant, "But it doesn't matter.  I'm here for both of you now.  I can't imagine what it must have felt like for you to hear...or did you see...what happened...and poor Lou..." Harry's next words got lodged in his mouth.

"I had no idea he'd been through that" Harry said quietly, "Please Will, can you look after him whilst I'm away?  I know you don't think you are on the best terms right now, but I know Lou still cares about you.  He told me he does last night.  I don't even want to leave him alone, in case it all gets too much for him"

He paused, thinking darkly of Louis' brush with accidental death, wondering how much of an accident it really had been.

"I can only go and see my family and leave him here, because I know he's going to be with you, and you'll look after him" he finished softly, "I'm so glad you were there to take care of him that night.  I'm so sorry he's reacted like this"

"Aren't you mad with me?" William asked, astonished at Harry's words.  Thinking with an uneasiness in his gut, about exactly how he'd taken care of his twin that night.  

It hadn't seemed such a bad thing in the moment.  Louis needed to feel loved, and William had provided it.  It was what they did, they'd showed each other how they felt instead of just saying words, that didn't quite match up to the depth of their bond.  In their world back then, kisses and cuddles were natural to them.  They were nothing more than innocent, caring gestures.

But how would that translate to Harry?  How could he possibly explain what they did without making it sound twisted and sick?  

William would never regret the life he had shared with his twin before that night.  Realistically, the only thing he had wished he could change time for, was to go back to the night in question, and lock the flipping door!

But what was done was done.  What was the point in dwelling on the past, that he had no control over, when this was happening in the present?

Everything was so difficult to comprehend.  Fair enough, when Mark had found out, it was completely different circumstances, and his reaction had been...well...extreme wasn't a strong enough word!  

But Harry's? He just couldn't understand how Harry was reacting so well to it.

Where were the threats?  Where was the hate?  Where was the judgement?  Where was the line saying they could never be friends again?  

He must be in shock.  William decided.  That had to be the only explanation. 

"How can I be mad at you?" Harry asked, equally astonished, "I know I'm fully against any type of violence, but Lou had been raped Will!  I would have done exactly..."

"Louis was raped" William said, suddenly alert, "At our leavers party"

"You didn't know?" Harry sounded beyond panicked and distraught, "Oh my...Will!  I'm so sorry!  I thought you knew and that's why you beat up his boyfriend!  Fuck!" He shouted out loud, banging his fist on the dashboard, "Will?  Will?!" He asked urgently into the phone, feeling afraid that William had gone into shock "Talk to me!"

"I'm here" whispered William instantly, not knowing if he felt relieved by this, or more concerned.  He and Louis would have to talk about this at some point, "Sorry.  Just got a flashback.  I'm fine.  Don't worry Harry, erm, Louis will be fine.  I'll keep an eye on him and keep you up dated.  I won't let anything happen to him."

"Did you know?" Harry asked, pained by his unknown revelation "Will, I'm so sorry..."

"It's fine" William insisted, trying to sound natural, although he felt confused and lost in so many ways, "Harry, don't worry.  It is what it is, Louis will be fine.  I'll look after him"

"Promise?  I really don't want him to be alone whilst I'm gone.  He full on panicked last night! What if he has another attack like that and he's on his own?"

"I Promise" William assured him, wiping his face tiredly.  All of a sudden he was exhausted, "I won't let Louis be on his own whilst you're away.  Maybe I can call on Michael and the girls if he doesn't want to be around me."

"Thanks Will, I knew I could count on you"  Harry breathed a sigh of relief, "Promise to call me if he needs me?"

"Absolutely"

They said goodbye.  Harry, regretfully, continued on his drive back to Cheshire.  

William sat still in the middle of his room and didn't move.  He needed to talk to his twin.  Had that really happened and he hadn't known?  Or was this the cover up that they could use to finally put everything behind them?  

It was a horrible thought, William regretted the moment he'd let it cross his mind.  The twins would no longer be just keeping a secret.  They would be openly deceiving Harry - the sweetest, trusting person in both their lives.  Rape was not something to be played around with.  It was something traumatic that real people had encountered in horrific ways, sometimes living in fear for the rest of their lives!  Letting Harry believe this had actually happened would be disgusting on both their parts.  There was no question about it, William had to talk to Louis, find out what had actually happened between him and Harry, and somehow try and fix this catastrophic error before the shit really hit the fan!

Head in his hands, he groaned deeply.  What the fuck had Louis got them both into now?!


	42. Chapter 42

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just want to say a big thank you to everyone who is still reading this, new readers and for all of the comments and kudos I've received since I've started this. Each and every one of you is really appreciated, and it's so nice to read your thoughts (especially when you guess about what's coming!)
> 
> If you ever want to ask me anything, feel free to DM me on twitter @sharemysunshine, or email me at angels-grace@hotmail.co.uk.
> 
> I also want to say a massive thank you to SassyBooBear, who is an amazing beta for me, and is never afraid to speak her mind and make me look at details and see them in a different way. She's absolutely fantastic, and I couldn't write properly without her support or input (no pressure lovely XD) xxx

If Harry's phone call hadn't been at the front of William's mind, Christmas Day would have been the best he'd exprienced in recent years.  

No longer was he stuck inside his house, crying into his pillow, waiting out the hours till he could go over to his grandparent's home, and see his family - once Louis was safely back at his house.  

He was finally part of the celebrations, and it would have felt wonderful.

Except, Harry had called him, told him things that worried him, and that was all he could think of.  Whilst he watched Louis and their grandpa cook the Christmas dinner, as they opened presents, through the many hugs their nana persisted on giving the pair at the same time, because at last, she could.

It was evident that both of them being with their grandparents together all day, was the making of their Christmas - and as an added extra, Louis was being...well...kinder than normal.  There were no sarcastic comments, no mutterings under his breath, Louis was really making an effort with him, and it hadn't gone unnoticed by anyone.

If only he hadn't have had that phone call from Harry, William might have been able to enjoy it.

William had promised himself that he wouldn't say anything right away, no matter how much he wanted answers to his questions about exactly how Harry had come to his theory, and what Louis had said or done to make him believe it.  There was a time and a place for these things - Louis' birthday had already been screwed up enough, what with finding out about Harry being friends with William at his party, and then that argument with Harry on the actual day - he couldn't ruin his Christmas too with accusations.  

Fair enough, it had also been his birthday, and it hadn't exactly been the one that he'd hoped for, but as usual, William was too focused on the feelings of his twin - even though he was trying hard not to.

The longer the day went on, the more he thought about it, William found it more and more difficult not to say anything.  This was something they had to fix yesterday it was so important!

His chance came after tea that evening.  Louis was looking shattered, clearly he hadn't gotten a good nights sleep, and was almost dozing off in his chair with both puppies snuggled on his lap.

"Boo, don't you need to get back to your place?" Jay asked kindly, giving his shoulder a little shake, "Michael will be round soon.  I've made a plate up for him to take with you."

"Michael's coming over?" William asked, surprised "I thought he would have gone back to Ireland for the holiday."

"He's working." Louis yawned, getting up slowly and gathering Larry and Stylinson in his arms, "Didn't want him to go home to an empty house, so he's coming over for drinks and a film night."

William nodded.  He felt quite disapointed.  He'd loved being able to hang out with Louis like the old days.

Maybe it was because Louis was sleepy, or maybe it was because it was Christmas.

"Why don't you come along?" he asked, turning to William with a shrug, not exactly meeting his eyes, but angling his body to face his twin,  "It's not like we'll be doing much, but Michael would probably love to see you"

William nodded, trying to contain the happiness that was exploding from within.  Louis actually wanted to spend time with him!

But then he felt bad.  If he was alone with Louis, they would have to have the talk...and there were no prizes for guessing how that was going to turn out.

The walk to Harry and Louis' was a quiet one.  Neither of them talked.  Louis was carrying both puppies, because their little legs got tired quite quickly, William holding a selection of tupperwear containers with about a weeks worth of dinners inside them.

Once inside the house, William stood awkwardly in the hallway, not wanting to go charging in without permission.

"Stick the stuff on the side" Louis told him, putting the puppies on the floor and watching them with a smile as they skittered and skidded down the hall to the living room "What do you want to drink?"

"A beer?" William asked hesitantly, putting the tubs where Louis pointed.

Louis nodded and turned to the fridge, getting out two identical bottles.  It only occured to him, after he'd passed his twin a bottle, that they had never had a beer together - such a simple thing for brothers to do, something else that had been taken away from him.

"It's a nice place you've got here." William commented politely, taking a swig from the bottle neck and looking around the room, "I like your tree" he said with a smirk, knowing without being told that it was Louis who had decorated it.  Harry would never have designed anything this flamboyant!

"Thanks" Louis said quietly, taking a seat on the settee, pulling his knees up to his chest.  It was time.  If there was ever an opening, it was that.

William glanced at his twin.  He was sat all curled up, he looked nervous.  Taking a deep breath, William tried to collect his thoughts.  They had to talk, and it had to be now.

"Louis, we..." he said, exactly at the same time as Louis said,

"Will, I've..."

Both stopped abruptly, each of them looking at each other, waiting for the other to finish what they wanted to say.

"You first," 

Louis could have wanted to say anything to William.  The point was that he was talking to him, William didn't want to stop him.  No matter what he had to say.

Louis faltered, seeming as though he had lost confidence.

"There's something for you under the tree for you."  Louis told William softly, suddenly very interested in his socked feet "Merry Christmas Will."

To say that William was suprised was an understatement.  It had been very noticeable during the day that neither of the twins had exchanged gifts, but thankfully, no one had drawn attention to it.

He of course, had brought Louis something, which he'd unknowingly opened earlier that day, disguised as another present from their mum.  Louis had loved it openly.  William didn't even care that he couldn't take the credit for the gift.  All that mattered was seeing Louis' huge, eye crinkling smile, and knowing that he was the one who put it there - even if Louis didn't have a clue.

But Louis openly getting him something?  Actually giving it to him privately instead of making a show of it in front of his family, or Harry?  That realisation alone was a present in itself.

Carefully leaving his beer bottle on the coffee table, William approached the tree, immediately spotting the wrapped parcel on the floor, and picking it up.

"Thanks," he smiled shyly, not really knowing what to say.  This was so unexpected.

"You haven't seen it yet," 

The slightest of smirks, danced on Louis' lips, and suddenly, seeing that smile, William felt as though he was seventeen again, and they were back in a time where everything was normal and perfect between them.  How he had missed that smile.  He had waited for years, longing to see Louis smile at him again - and now it was happening, it was even more fantastic a feeling than he could have imagined.

Saying that, for an outsider looking in, the expression on Louis' face was hardly extraordinary.  It was only a hint of a smile to begin with, and anyone else would have overlooked it.

But for William, that miniscule look of humour, meant the world to him, because it gave him hope that they weren't finished yet.

"What?" Louis asked him, raising one eyebrow, "You're staring?"

"You got me a present," William uttered, the words felt strange and unfamiliar in his mouth.

"I can not give it to you if you prefer" Louis cocked an eyebrow, "I mean..." he looked embarressed, "Er..."

The smile was gone.  William's face fell.  He hadn't wanted that smile to disappear, especially over something so trivial.

Slowly, and carefully, he ran his fingers over the paper, searching to peel away the sellotape binding it together.  He could honestly say, that he didn't care in the slightest what it was.  This was the first present Louis had gotten him in years, for all he knew, it could be a second hand DVD, and yet he'd treasure it just as much as a brand new Rolex.  

The paper fell away to the ground, the gift was revealed, all William could do was stare down at it in stunned silence.

 

After Louis had sent those tweets to Harry, he had tried so hard to get to sleep, but he just couldn't nod off.  Firstly he couldn't get the conversation he'd just had with Harry out of his mind.  Could he even call it a conversation if he hadn't replied?  After fearing the worst, he wasn't sure his heart would ever stop racing.  Would his fear ever subside?

And then, on top of that, were the thoughts that had been plaguing his mind ever since Harry had openly chosen William right in front of his face.  

Louis could recall the exact moment that time had frozen, and he saw Harry's mouth say the words in slow motion.  He felt each and every slap to his chest as he heard them.  He felt the sting of loss after he'd fallen into bed crying, realising that no one was coming after him.

At first he'd been angry!  Furious at Harry for humiliating him in front of his friends, thinking how smug William must be!

Then he felt remorse for being the one who'd set up the ultimatum in the first place.  If he hadn't have said it, Harry wouldn't have had to choose.  What he was feeling now was all his fault, no one else's, not even William's.

He was lonely in their bedroom.  Sad and lonely.  Larry and Stylinson provided a small amount of comfort to him, when he brought them up for a cuddle, but it wasn't the same as having Harry to snuggle up to.

Would he ever have Harry to snuggle up to again?  From the way he'd acted, he couldn't blame his boyfriend (?) if he didn't.

Over and over again, he replayed inside his head what had happened, imagining the many ways it could have gone, if only Louis hadn't been so jealous and afraid.

The more he thought about it, the more he understood why Harry had left, from the younger lads point of view.

William was firstly his best friend.  He would never have asked Harry to choose between himself and his other friends - that would have been inexcusable!  So from Harry's point of view, how would this have been any different.

William had been there first.  William had known Harry the longest.  William had more of a claim on Harry than Louis did - just because himself and Harry were physically closer than Harry and William, didn't mean they were further apart emotionally.

Also, most importantly,  William was a good guy...he was, Louis just didn't want to acknowledge it, because once he did, he would think about how much he missed his twin, and how things could have been.

More than anything, Louis wanted to prove Harry wrong.  He knew how it had looked on the outside, especially after the little things that William probably talked to Harry about all the time.  

A perception you have about someone can involve so many factors that the person in question cannot control.  

For example.  William could say to Harry quite innocently that he had asked Zayn to get Louis a birthday present, and Harry would think that was really sweet and kind of him, but then he'd realise that Louis hadn't done anything like that, and maybe think that William was the more thoughtful twin.

William could say how much he missed his brother and talk about the happy times they had shared together.  Harry, and possibly his friends and family would wonder why Louis never did the same, and wonder what had gone wrong for them to fall out so spectacularly.  Would they think that Louis was to blame because William seemed more forgiving and upset than he did?  What if William constantly asked how he was?  Louis never asked after his brother, would this look like he didn't care, because he didn't ask?

Obviously it did.  Because of the things that Harry had said to him.  Possibly unknowingly, Harry had conceived a perception of Louis reguarding William, and it was by no means a pretty one.

He didn't want to.  He adamantly did not like it, and he didn't want to do it.  But if Harry was to come back, Louis would have to set him straight - with one of the secrets that he'd kept to himself, and whilst he didn't want to share it - it was the only way to make Harry realise that he wasn't the nasty, selfish, uncaring brat he was perceived to be.

The box had started as a shoebox.  Only containing one object.  A badge he'd spotted in a shop and brought it for William about five months after he'd cut him out of his life.  It was instinct, he'd always been buying stuff for his twin, and for a few moments he had forgotten the distance between them - only remembering when he realised he could never give it to his brother.

Over the years, the box got bigger, to cram all the stuff into it that he'd gotten.  He always got him birthday and Christmas presents, and other things inbetween, when he saw something that his twin would love, and he couldn't leave it in the shop.

It wasn't just gifts though.  Louis also supported William on the sly.  He couldn't let his family find out, because they would wonder why the twins couldn't settle their differences and be close again.  So he kept quiet.  He didn't ask how William was, even though he was dying to.  He kept up the pretence that he hated him.  Using all sorts of reasons to back it up - even though they weren't true - but he was believed, because why would he lie?

It helped that William had always been more popular.  That was a great reason to use, that Louis was jealous of him, and felt in competition with him.  It worked.  He was quieter, shyer, it was easy to believe.

When Louis had heard about William's string of concert performances at university, Louis had been straight onto the internet, first to book himself a ticket for the last show, then to book himself a train reservation and a night in a hotel.  He made sure to say he would collect his ticket from the box office on the night - just to prevent his mum for seeing it in the post.  Then he lied and said he was going to stay with a friend for the weekend.  No one had ever guessed.

Even though he had hidden at the back, Louis had been sure that William would see him.  He could feel his twin's presence already, even though he wasn't even on the stage.  Could William feel Louis?

There had been the briefest of seconds, when the crowd had shifted slightly in front of him, and as far away from him as his brother was, Louis was convinced he had glanced in his direction, giving the area he was in a double take.  Louis had frozen, but William had looked away, and he'd felt safe.

Remembering his performance now, with the new knowledge about William's song writing, Louis wondered how he could have ever thought that Moments or any of the other songs he'd loved, had been created by anyone other than William.  No wonder he had felt such a connection to Moments, when he had first listened to it, he had felt the exact same tug on his heart strings as when William had taken the to the stage all those years ago and sung a beautiful acoustic called 'Spaces'.

Louis knew he had written every word...about him.

And sadly every word was true.

 _"The spaces between us, keep getting deeper, It’s harder to reach him, even though I've tried, spaces between us, hold all our secrets, leaving us speechless, I don’t know why, who's going to be the one to say goodbye?_ "

Louis.  

Louis had been the first to say goodbye.

There hadn't been a dry eye in the house as William had held the last liquid note.  Especially Louis, applauding so hard his hands stung and throbbed for ages afterwards, feeling the highest level of pride as he took part in the standing ovation.

"Spaces" became the soundtrack to his life...until it became too painful for him to keep remembering.  But he had never forgotten how proud he'd been, hearing his brother sing his heart and soul out.

The day after the show, Louis found himself wandering aimlessly around the city centre, due to the time difference between his hotel check out, and the departure of his train home.

Louis was good at wasting time.  He had lunch, found a shop that sold World of Warcraft limited edition trading cards, had a quick look around the castle grounds.

It was as he was strolling to the station when he saw it.  The last thing he expected to see, that brought back so many memories, so strong, that he didn't care if he missed his train home, and had to wait three hours for the next one - he had to buy it - because William would love it!

But just like everything else, it ended up in the box - until the early hours of Christmas morning. Louis had snuck out of bed, taken it from the box that he'd shown to Harry, and then downstairs where he'd wrapped it up as carefully as he could, trying not to get too many puppy hairs, from two eager puppies, stuck to the sellotape!

What had started as trying to prove a point, had steamrolled into Louis opening up about his feelings, rehashing old memories, seeing all the things he had gotten for his twin, and wishing he could give them to him.

Most of them seemed irrevelant now - except for that one thing he'd found in Cardiff...

It was decided.  William had to have it.  Today.  After all, his twin was the reason he had Larry and Stylinson, and even Harry...maybe he was just overly emotional, but he wanted things to be ok, he wanted to say thank you - without having to actually say it.

Hopefully, this would be special enough to say everything he needed to, without uttering a single word.

 

"Where did you find this?" William asked in amazement, holding the t-shirt up in front of him, looking between the gift and his brother with huge excited eyes, "Fuck!  I have never been able to find one like it!  And it's brand new too!  Fuck!  I can't believe you found it!  Where was it? These were discontinued years ago!"

Louis nodded shyly.

"I...erm...I got it years ago," he said quietly, not able to meet William's eyes, "Found it...erm...in Cardiff"

William's head snapped up so quickly, Louis was sure he was going to suffer from whiplash.

"What?" he asked sounding a little dazed, and resembling someone who'd recently been hit hard on the head, stuttering, "Why were you...?  When were you...?  

Suddenly his head was filled with an avalanche of questions, all of which were just variations of the same two.  When and why?  Louis had been in the same city as him?  Intentionally in the same city...as William, and got him...this shirt.  But not just any shirt... this particular one... that William had wanted so badly...and Louis had remembered...and got it for him...to give to him....when exactly?  

William's brow furrowed in confusion.  How long had his twin been hoarding this for?  

"When?" he asked again, fixating his eyes on Louis' shifting ones, feeling his mouth gape, "When were you near me?"

Louis hadn't been prepared for William to ask him that, but he had come this far, he might as well go all the way.

"About..." he sucked in a small breath, shifting his feet and rubbing the end of his nose, "About three years ago...."

William tuned out for a second.  Three years ago.  Louis got this for him three years ago!  His hands were starting to sweat as he tried in vein to remember.  What had been going on three years ago?  

Well for starters he'd been in his final year of uni.  All year he'd been writing and recording, for his coursework, a future demo disk to send out to record companies in hope that someone would hire him to write for them, for the performance he had to par take in for one of his final assessments.  Then it clicked. 

William looked at him sharply.  His fingers clenched around the material of the shirt.  Was it actually possible?  Had he really seen what he remembered, and it hadn't just been his stupid heart imagining what he wanted to see all those years ago?

He was still staring.  

Louis was starting to look uncomfortable, twitching here and there, looking as though he desperately wanted to look away, but his eyes were magnetised to William's face, giving away more answers than his voice ever could.

"I knew you were there!" He exclaimed, dumbstruck, as though he could barely believe himself what he was saying, "I knew you were there!  I knew I saw you!"

Louis said nothing.  But he knew exactly what he meant.  So, his brother had seen him then.  At least, this stopped him from having to actually explain.

"You should try it on" he muttered instead.  No matter how uncomfortable this felt now, he could still see William's expression of pure, unbridled delight as he had laid eyes on that logo.  He had done the right thing.  William loved it, and he'd deserved it.

William shook his head, trying to clear it, looked at what he was holding as though he was seeing it for the first time, hurriedly unbuttoning his shirt.  It didn't stop him from talking though, even if his voice turned muffled as he slipped the t-shirt over his head.

"Thought I was imagining you.  But it didn't matter at the time, just thinking about you there made me perform better that one night than I had done the whole run."

Louis still said nothing.  He did watch though as William made his way over to the mirror to see how his new shirt looked on him.

It was black with short sleeves and was part of a collection that was designed by the drummer of William's favourite band when they were at school, called Blink 182.  

The label was Famous Stars and Straps, and the main logo was comprised of just the F in famous.

The slogan on the front was simple, but William had been desperate to get his hands on a shirt, and had been so disappointed when he couldn't find one.

William starred at the word in the mirror, hardly being able to believe his eyes.  It was so much more meaningful now then it would have been back then.  Because not only had Louis brought it for him, when they weren't talking to each other, but he had actually kept it for him.  He'd kept it so safely that it still looked, felt and smelt brand new.  And, even after all this time, he had actually given it to him.  Along with another present that he didn't even realise he'd given.

There was no major confession as such, but there was no denial either, and that was confirmation itself.  Louis had actually gone out of his way to see William sing - being the supportive brother he always had been, even when their relationship had seemed to be at its most brittle.  The biggest smile just erupted onto William's face, stretching his lips from ear to ear.  It made his cheeks hurt and his eyes squint, but it perfectly illustrated the purest form of happiness he was feeling from within.  After years of watching, waiting, avoiding, crying and feeling like the lowest of the low, this was THE moment he had been wishing would come about.  This was THE moment that his dreams had been made of, and turned into a reality before his very eyes.  

Louis had actually been there for him, physically and mentally cheering him on!  Then there was the word on the front - if ever there was a sign, a message, Louis' deepest, most inner feelings, written in white for all to see.

The F logo was on the front of the shirt, but it wasn't spelling the brand.

To everyone else it spelt the word Family, but to William, it didn't just say that, it also spelt the word hope.

 

All thoughts of sitting Louis down and talking to him about what Harry had told him suddenly seemed so far away.  This was such a big move for Louis, there was no way that William was going to ruin this moment, after all, it could destroy the one thing he desperately wanted in the whole world and preventing it from happening - Louis being his family once again.

As much as he loved Harry, wanted him to be happy, and didn't want him to worry under false pretences, William loved Louis so much more, and he was more than willing to turn a blind eye to any indiscretions Louis might have created to make sure everything went the way he desperately wanted.  Even if he ended up losing Harry as a friend, even if he never worked with One Direction again, and had to take up a job shelf stacking at his local supermarket.  No one and nothing was worth more than his brother's presence in his life.

Maybe this present was his twin saying that William was important to him too.

"So?"  Louis asked hesitantly, after sixteen minutes of silence, and watching William stare into the mirror, a far away look of wonder capturing all of his senses "You like the shirt then?"

William spun around on the spot, hugging himself instead of racing to his twin and squeezing him so tightly that his ribs would have cracked.

"It's the most thoughtful present anyone has ever given me" he assured his brother, his eyes threatening to mist over, "I love it more than anything"

This time, Louis didn't even try to hide his smile.  It was small, it was shy, and he blushed, but it was a smile.  It was on Louis' face, and William had put it there.  

Maybe Christmas miracles really did exist!

 

"When's Michael coming over?" William asked, knowing he needed to say something ordinary to stop things getting weird and emotional (or in his case more emotional).

Louis checked his watch "Not long now" he answered, getting up to potter about in the kitchen, stowing food away in the fridge and getting plates out "He should be finishing any time now, then he just has to drive up"

William was still looking at his shirt in the mirror.  He couldn't keep his eyes off of it.

"How old is he?" he asked curiously, realising he had no idea.  Michael looked about their age, but from the way he talked, and the sense he talked, and this whole Dad persona he played by, he could be in his early forties.

"Twenty six" Louis answered, reaching on tip toes to get some glasses "You thought he was older?"

William shrugged, "Well, yeah.  Does he ever loosen up, or is he really that....sensible...all the time?"

Louis frowned in thought, "He's just...well...yeah...there's just been a lot going on lately I guess..." he said as he thought "I guess he's one of those people who had to grow up really fast...I mean, he did move here when he was eighteen to go to university.  That must be weird.  Living in a new town, no family or friends around, living by yourself."

William nodded.

"It's a shame,"  Louis commented as he cut up some turkey slices, "That he didn't have a twin growing up to remind him that you have to stop working from time to time, and have some fun.  I don't know what I would have done without mine."

Louis didn't look up.  He didn't see the heart melting smile looking soppy on William's lips, but he felt it, a warm, fuzzy feeling on the inside.

 

An hour later, Michael had arrived, and the three lads were all sat in the living room, eating Christmas dinner left overs and watching a film.

Michael had looked subtly surprised to see William, but he didn't make a big deal out of it.  He did however make no move to hide his delight when William pointed out his present to him from Louis, giving the lads shoulder a happy squeeze when Louis' back was turned.

Full of food, and quite sleepy, the three stuck on another film and settled down to watch it quietly.

The twins sat either side of Michael on the plush settee.  

If he had known that both twins would be together tonight, the pharmacist would have expected the air to be thick with unresolved tension - as though the only reason they would be hanging out together was because their mum guilted Louis into it.  He certainly didn't want anything to do with him yesterday, but tonight, it was strange.  The hostility Louis  had been projecting less than twenty four hours ago, had been replaced with something Michael just couldn't put his finger on.

He surreptitiously observed them both.  How they moved around each other and their body language, the tones of their voice when they spoke to either him, or each other.

Michael was incredibly close to Louis.  Their playful father and son bond was comfortingly strong, but since having that revealing conversation with William, Michael felt as though he was getting to know his 'son' for the first time all over again.

Over the time of knowing Louis, he'd seen many variations of his face.  Happy, sad, worried, apprehensive and angry - all emotions that Louis let freely cross his features.

Wistful, was a new expression.

Louis would be chatting to Michael about something, then he'd turn perfectly naturally to William to, either make a comment, or tell him something.  Neither Michael or William heard verbally what he was thinking though, because the moment he opened his mouth to speak, he'd catch himself, or remember something, quietly clamping his lips together, and looking down at the floor sadly - Michael wished he knew what he was thinking.  Wished he would talk to him.

Because he was privileged to know a little deeper into William's point of view, he was able to read Louis' twin like an open book.  

William mirrored almost every move Louis made.  When Louis went to say something - even if in the end he stayed silent, William would always look in his direction expectantly, wanting to prompt his twin, but then looking at the logo on his shirt, and staying quiet, a smile playing on his lips.

It was obvious that William was over the moon with his present, Michael sure there was a story, or deeper meaning behind its appearance.  It didn't look like something Louis had just purchased in an off hand fashion, because he needed to get William something to open in front of everyone.  It looked planned, chosen with care, it screamed a sign of Louis wanting to build a bridge - Michael felt so proud.

There was no need to wonder how this had come about.  No one apart from Harry's influence could have accomplished this.

Louis was always quite cuddly when he was sleepy (something which Harry always loved to take full advantage of).  Soft, and relaxed, he nestled into Michael's side, face pressed against his shoulder, before the older pharmacist gently put an arm around his shoulders, guiding and encouraging Louis to rest his weary head on his chest, smiling fondly, watching his eyes fluttering shut as he dozed off.

On the other side of him, William was rubbing his own, yawning loudly.  Once again, mirroring his twin, it didn't take long before he had nodded off too, slumped against Michael's other arm.

Michael smiled to himself, feeling a little bit of satisfaction from the situation.  Obviously things were getting better between the twins, and although he didn't know the ins and outs of what was happening.  The result was the most important thing.

His thoughts were only amplified when Larry decided to scramble from where he'd been sleeping on William's lap, to Michael's.

Even in his sleep, Louis seemed to sense the puppy moving and reached out a hand to stroke it.  But it wasn't Larry that his hand reached first.  It was William's hand.

With amazement, Michael watched as Louis's fingers brushed against his twins, William instinctively hooking his own around Louis' so they were effectively holding hands.

Michael peeped down at sleeping Louis, and saw the hint of a smile, edge onto his face as he squeezed the fingers he now held.  Just as he expected, he heard a small, contented little grunt escape William's mouth as he squeezed back.

Slipping his one free hand carefully into his pocket, Michael took out his phone, took a photo of the sleeping twins (with him in the middle, looking at their entwined hands), texting it to Harry, with the short, simple message of "Progress".

He had no idea what Harry had got for Christmas, but he felt safe to bet on his picture being betted than any he had received.

 


	43. Chapter 43

"What's got you grinning like a loon?" Gemma asked, coming back from the kitchen to the living room, to find Harry sprawled in front of the fire, smiling stupidly at his phone.

She passed him a steaming mug of hot chocolate, sitting down cross legged besides him, "Let me see"

Still smiling, Harry handed her his phone. He had been staring at the picture Michael had sent him for a good ten minutes, and he still had to rub his eyes to believe what he was actually seeing.

Gemma took the phone, flipping her long blonde hair over her shoulder, looking at the picture critically.

"Who's that?" she asked with a frown, eyeing the man in the middle of the twins who Louis was cuddling up to, "And why are you smiling at your boyfriend getting up close and personal with another guy?"

"That's just Michael" Harry exclaimed, rolling over onto his back, stretching to pluck his phone back out of his sisters hand, so he could look at the picture some more. "He's as much of a threat to me as you are"

Gemma rolled her eyes, and took a sip out of her own mug. "Recent?" she asked him "Does this mean we actually might get some of your attention from you now since your little boyfriend is asleep? You've been stressing about him ever since you got here!" she matched Harry's glare with one of her own, "Don't fool yourself into thinking we haven't noticed" she pointed out, "All you have done is look at your phone and frown. All. Flipping. Day!"

"With good reason" Harry muttered, "I'm allowed to worry about Lou if I feel its appropriate"

Gemma clucked her tongue with annoyance. "You worry about him too much" she stated, with the air of a big sister who knew better, "If you ask me, you are way too invested in him, considering you haven't known him for very long"

"What do you mean by that?" Harry asked, sitting up abruptly, his glare going up a notch.

Gemma shrugged. "I guess I don't like the sound of him" she admitted "I don't think he's good for you"

Harry's face looked first crestfallen, then merged into one of irritation. "You don't know him" he muttered, comforting himself by reopening Michael's message and examining Louis and William holding hands and looking happy - hands down the best part of his day was receiving this picture.

"I haven't been given the opportunity to get to know him" Gemma told him exasperated "I was supposed to do that at his birthday party, remember? But someone decided to have a little tantrum didn't they?"

Harry pursed his lips together and sat up. "He did not have a tantrum" he insisted still sounding irritated, "I explained what happened already, and he's really sorry he didn't get to meet you properly. Considering I've told him about how great you are, and how much you're going to love him" he finished, sounding a little on the sour side.

"Shouldn't make flippant promises like that little bro" Gemma sighed, "I know you told me about the Louis and William thing, at length, but all that really came across is that he's just a jealous little brat who looses the plot when he finds out something he doesn't like"

She set her face to one of obstinance to out stare her little brother, who was staring at her in disbelief. How could his beloved sister be so cruel?

"Harry, you know I love you with all my heart" Gemma started, sounding a little more sickly sweet than usual, "But really, from what you've told me about him - no matter how much you gush about how adorable and amazing he is - when you tell me about all his problems" she wildly threw her hands up in a dramatic shrug, "I really have no idea why you burden yourself with him!"

"Maybe this should be a quiet time" Harry bit, gritting his teeth. The last thing he wanted was to argue with his sister on Christmas Day.

Instead, he rolled over onto his side, and started to tap out a message to Michael.

"Harry!" Gemma protested, grabbing his shoulder to force her brother to lie on his back once more, "Don't be like that! I'm just looking out for you! You mean so much to me, and I just want to make sure you're not being taken advantage of!"

"Why would Louis want to take advantage of me?" Harry groaned, swatting her hand off his shoulder, "Why can't you just be happy for me?" he complained bitterly, "Louis makes me really happy, and..."

"No he doesn't" Gemma argued, interrupting him, "You're not happy right now. You haven't been happy all day! And it's Christmas Harry! It's always special because we're all together as a family, and this year, you didn't even get here till the afternoon because you had to spend the morning with him! At least when you hung around with William on his birthday, you still came over Christmas Eve!"

Her tone softened "Now Will I like" she nodded to herself, taking another gulp of her drink "He's funny" she told Harry, beginning to count the lads good points on her fingers, inches away from her brothers face, "He tells interesting stories - actually has a personality- and from what I've heard of the songs he writes - can't believe you didn't tell me about that - he has depth. But," at this point Gemma was verging on firery, "Most of all, William respected family time, and doesn't hold pathetic grudges!"

"Firstly," Harry retorted, gritting his teeth a little, "Louis is just as funny and charismatic as William, and even if he doesn't write songs, he still has depth" to prove his point he waved the wrist that wore his new charm bracelet under her nose, "I know you like William, but if you give him a chance, you will love Louis just as much! How is proper family time going to happen if you don't try and get along with your brother in law!"

Gemma blinked owlishly. "Excuse me?" she asked flatly, with an edge of distain, "I must have misheard you"

"What?" Harry asked, completely non plussed, but bristling in anticipation of not liking what she was about to say, "problem?"

"You are not going to marry him are you?" Gemma asked in astonishment, "For goodness sake Harry! You've known him for five minutes! It was bad enough when you brought that stupid house for both of you, and now you're going to make this mistake legally binding? What's next? He's going to give up work and become a little stay at home puppy, spending all the money you work so hard for?"

"For your information, I've asked him to cut down his hours at work so I can see him more, because I miss him," Harry told her, frustration building up inside him like a pressure cooker, "But he won't, because he loves his job, and as for spending my money - he has his own!  For fucks sake, he even insisted that I let him set up direct debits to his account for our houses water, gas and electric, because he was using it more than me - and that's before I asked him to move in with me!  So don't get all uptight about the thought of him spending my money left, right and centre - because he wouldn't even consider it!" he paused for thought, "He would be so insanely hurt if he heard you say that."

"He might act like that now" Gemma shrugged, "But what about when he gets more comfortable and realises what a complete pushover you are when it comes to him?  it's going to creep up on you Harry, he'll get inside your heart so deep and then he'll bleed you dry!" she rolled her eyes, "Of course, he's already half way there, he could probably clear your account, and you would just sit there and say 'I'm sure he didn't mean it, it was probably an accident!' You're so blinkered when it comes to him."

"That's enough!" Harry snapped, feeling on the verge of tears from the sadness he felt at Gemma's obvious objections, "I'm going to bed. You do not talk shit about my boyfriend. All you need to know, is that I am in love with him and accept that he is a priority to me and I know that he feels the same way about me - and I'm bloody lucky to be able to say that"

In one smooth movement he got to his feet, "and by the way," he said as his hand closed around the door handle, "I didn't have to see him on Christmas morning. I wanted to, because I wanted to see my baby open his Christmas presents on Christmas morning in our home. I would have thought you would have understood that!  I don't remember me complaining when you chose the 'loves of your life' over us - which you have to admit that you have happily done before, and expected us to plan around you!  Show me a little of the same respect would you?"

"Harry!" Gemma exclaimed, jumping to her feet and dragging her fingers through her hair, "Don't be like that! I'm just..."

She didn't get to finish her plea though, Harry had already left the room, shutting the door quietly, but firmly behind him.

 

It took an hour and seven minutes for Gemma to give in, and go and knock on her brother's bedroom door. He didn't call for her to come in, but she heard movement from inside.

Taking a deep breath, she opened the door with determination, and stepped inside.

Harry was sitting in bed, watching television with the sound down low, and playing with his phone. His eyes flickered up to see who it was, but said nothing.

"Don't expect me to say sorry," Gemma started, "Because I'm not. You worry about him. I worry about you. It's my job as the big sister"

Harry pursed his lips and grunted in response.  "You have no reason to worry about me" he finally said flatly.

Gemma noticed how exhausted her brother looked. And it wasn't the type of exhausted brought on by lack of sleep, it was a deeper, more emotional exhaustion.

"I just think you're moving this along a little too quickly." she tried to explain, trying to keep her voice sounding neutral "You've dated other people before, and you've never gone this crazy over any of them. If Taylor or Paige or any of the guys you've dated wanted to move in with you, you'd have run a mile! But within weeks of meeting Louis, you buy a house just to be closer to him? That's insane! Besides,"

Harry watched as his sister looked down at the floor, her long hair hanging over her face.

"It was bad enough when mum and I had to put up with you being in LA at every chance you got. Now we have to share you with Louis too? You don't even come by for an occasional day, or few hours like you used to. You always go straight to him, and, well, we miss you"

Harry immediately felt terrible. With the bands phenomenal international success, his free time had already had to be divided between the many special people in his life. His mum, sister and step dad, his biological father, his school friends, Primrose Hill friendship circle headed by Nick Grimshaw, and William.

It hadn't crossed his mind (although it should have done), that the majority of the time he would have taken to go and visit them, had instantly changed to time where he would visit Louis instead.

Come to think of it, he couldn't remember the last time he'd met up with Alice for a catch up, or gone out to dinner with Grimmy because he was in town.

"I'm really sorry Gems" he apologised instantly, "I know Lou takes up a lot of my free time, its..."

"Just make more time for us" Gemma instructed firmly.

"It's not that I don't want to spend time with you" Harry insisted, "But Louis' important to me!  You know what it's like when you fall in love, you want to be around that person 24/7, and I can't, and when a relationship is this fresh and new, you need to nurture and protect it so it can grow.  I don't want it to fail because I can't be around, I want him to know that he isn't just something I play with on the side when I'm not working!  Besides, considering he works forty hours a week, I need to take all the time I can get.  He's so sweet Gem, if you could just see the look on his face when I turn up unannounced...he's always so happy to see me, like just me being there for a few hours really makes the whole difference to his day, and it instantly makes a difference to mine"

A thought suddenly struck Gemma as she listened to Harry's love struck gushing."

Wow" she murmured letting out a puff of breath "That's the reason isn't it. You love the fact that Louis needs you don't you?"

"What?" Harry snapped, anger boiling about the statements she had made about his baby, "I said nothing like that"

"You wanted to be in control for once didn't you? You got sick of your partners calling the shots and you wanted someone pathetic like Louis who would idolise you and do whatever you want!"

She reached out and grabbed Harry's hand. "Harry, you can't fool yourself that you're in love with someone for the sake of an ego massage! You'll find someone who respects you, you just have to be patient"

"Are you finished?" Harry snapped, snatching his hand away, "Because I'm seconds away from just going home to someone who actually wants to see me! Maybe I was sick of being treated like a pet or a photo opportunity, with my exes!"  

Instantly, seeing in his minds eye the way Taylor had insisted, that they watched the ball drop in Times Square, on New Years Eve, right at the front, so they were in full sight of the camera lenses for their midnight kiss.

"I kinda like the way he shies away, and hides behind me, when the press start taking photos of us when we get spotted, and holds my hand that little bit tighter."

His sisters face held no expression as she listened.

"Maybe I did see something in Louis that made me want to protect him and make sure he comes to no harm ever again" Harry said quietly, as he fleetingly pictured Louis lying in that hospital bed all those years ago, shivering slightly at the memory.

"And yes, maybe I like how sometimes Louis messages me and asks my opinion on silly things - like, does his outfit look all right?  What brand of green tea is my favourite - so he can make sure we've got some in the kitchen for me when I get home.  Maybe it makes me feel a little important that he wants my opinion on such small things"

He let himself smile - the exact same little smile that creeped onto his face every time Louis left him a sweet little questioning text or voicemail. 

"But those aren't things I base my relationship needs upon!   Louis get upset at times, and he might react to things that I don't understand, in a slightly different way to how you or I would.  But I am going to help him get through, because he is worth everything to me"

"Even if you have pretty much just said he has serious flaws in his personality?" Gemma asked skeptically.

"He does not have flaws in his personality!" Harry spat out, shaking his sisters band off him, "The only flaw here, is your perception of him!"

"How blind are you?" Gemma asked, curling her lip with distaste, "Either that boy just likes to make drama because he is so desperate to keep your attention, or he is mentally challenged!"

"Stop it!" Harry burst out angrily.

Gemma opened her mouth to interrupt, but the glare Harry gave her, was so fierce, she succumbed to silence.

"I know that sometimes I come to you and tell you things about Louis' difficulties, because you're my sister, and I trust you - but I never believed that you would actually use them against him, or me, or us!"

Harry took a deep breath, not really wanting to look at his sister right now - he'd told his sister so many nice things about Louis, but it was like she didn't want to know.

"The Louis I am in love with," he began reaching deep for a pocket of patience, "is the sweetest, most caring, loving person I have ever met in my life. I cannot tell you how much I love spending time with him.  Lou can be so shy, and so quiet one minute, and then he gets this little cheeky grin on his face..."

Harry's dimples popped out, his grin was so wide as he thought about his mischievous boyfriend!

"We could be doing anything.  Going out, staying in and doing nothing, and I will be having the best time!  Because I'm with him - he's my flipping sunshine Gem!  You should spend some time with him.  See how he is with me - and you should see how he is with his friend!  They all adore him, they..."

"You've told me all of this before" Gemma interrupted, feeling a toothache coming on from how sweet Louis was!

"I get that you are completely infatuated with him, but how is he good for you? How can he be a massive bundle of fun when he's crying and freaking out..."

"Everyone has their off moments," Harry wheedled, "Trust me, he does have things to be upset about - and all I want is for him to feel better, and he will.  But this kind of thing is going to take time - and I am more than happy to hold his hand, and be by his side every step of the way, and kiss every little tear off his face, hold him whilst he worries, and take his fears away - because he, even on his bad days, makes me feel like I am the best man that I can be"

He gazed into his sisters face, his eyes the most pure, vivid, honest and imploring shade of green.

"Real life isn't all butterflies and flowers Gem. Real life can be really hard, and a real relationship can only be judged on how you handle the rough times, how you cope when one of you is struggling, and I think Louis is struggling - with something major that he's having to come to terms with."

His expression changed to one that was strong and defiant.

"I don't give a shit though" he shrugged,  "Things can be as hard as they like now, because there will be so many good times ahead of us."

The look in his eyes was pleading, hoping he had said enough for Gemma to cave in and accept his boyfriend for who he saw him as.

Gemma tore her eyes away.  It was hard to hold up her objections when her brother was being so hopeful and persistent.  There was a minor issue her brother was yet to address though.

"Still doesn't give a shit about his family..."

"Gemma!" Harry heard himself whine "After all I have just said, you're still making assumptions.  He loves his family more than anything.  I've shown you the photos of him with his mum, and his grandparents"

"But you have also told me that your boyfriend treats his brother like shit" Gemma snapped, "Not in so many words...and William is an absolute darling!"

She picked at her finger nails, "To be honest, I always thought the only reason you fancied Louis to begin with was because he's the gay twin and you expected him to be a carbon copy of Will."

She made a humming noise, "I always thought you and Will would have made a gorgeous couple"

"Then it's lucky I go out with someone who looks exactly like him isn't it!" Harry was getting irritated again, he already had enough going on in his mind without his sister deciding to be difficult, "That it the most ludicrous thing you have ever suggested!"

"Well what could Louis possibly have that Will doesnt?" Gemma asked.

"It's different" Harry groaned, "Will is my friend. I'm not sexually attracted to him, I'm not attracted to him in a romantic way. I'm in love with Louis!"

"Louis is a needy, pathetic, tantrum throwing princess!" Gemma argued, "He didnt appreciate the effort you went to when you threw him his lavish party, he hates his brother, for probably no other reason than William got a better bike or something stupid when they were kids. William is confident, self sufficient and ridicliously forgiving"

"How dare you!" Harry spluttered, "You have no right to come into my room and throw accusations around and call my boyfriend names!  Louis is the most supportive partner I have ever had!  He doesn't ask anything of me ever, and for the hundredth time, he did appreciate the party - it wasn't his fault that he reacted the way he did when he found out about me and Will!  I understand and let it go, why can't you?"

He steadied his glare that matched his sisters.

"I've been imagining this for years" he hissed, half hurt, half angry, "You know I have. Please don't try and ruin something that I have waited so long for. Especially when you have nothing except speculation to make an argument with"

"Don't come crying to me when it all goes to shit!" Gemma snapped at him, knowing that she had lost, "Don't say I didn't warn you"

She went to storm off, but stopped when her brother's hand shot out and snagged her wrist.

"Please give him a chance?" Harry begged her, sounding lost, "If you cared about me, you would put all of your preconceptions behind you, and get to know my boyfriend the way that I see him.  I know Louis is the one for me. You'll see it too, I promise"

Gemma sighed crossly.  Harry had just used the one card he'd been kind enough never to use on her before.  If he was prepared to use the line "if you cared about me," he must be really serious.

"I'm sorry" she mumbled, turning around, and holding her arms out for a hug, "I'll think about what you've said"

Harry eyed her open arms warily, he was still pretty pissed about everything his sister had said, but then he considered how guilty she was going to feel when she'd gotten to know the real Louis.

It was worth a hug just to get the ball rolling.

"Love you H," Gemma sighed, putting on an air of defeat, which she hoped Harry would be too relieved to see through.

But this wasn't over. She would watch, she would wait, and if Louis put one toe out of line, she would slam him down like a heavy weight in a wrestling match! But for now, she'd play along with what her brother wanted - even if she did think he was making a big mistake.

 

 

"You can't possibly tell me that those two tiny puppies have worn you out!" William chuckled, jogging over to where Louis had sat down heavily on the grass, panting more than the two puppies he'd been playing with, "Their legs are only about eight inches combined!"

"Shut up!" Louis groaned, "I haven't even had my morning cup of tea yet!  Let alone the strength to run around with them!"

William smirked and sat down beside him.

"See, this is why we play sports" he reminded his brother, thinking of all the times he'd nagged him into playing a game of actual football instead of reading "Would have been great practice for this"

Louis coughed a little.  He was itching for his morning cigarette, but didn't have a lighter with him.  Rubbish.  He wondered if William had one, did he smoke?  Louis had no idea.

Waking up to find himself holding onto his twins hand, had been an unexpected and odd experience - made even more unusual by how enthusiastic Michael had been about it - even sending a picture of the two of them to Harry!  

This fact had hardly delighted Louis.  Internally freaking out about how it could look to his boyfriend, based on his own knowledge of their past, he was fully prepared for a barrage of texts from Harry asking why they were being so inappropriate!  

However, all that appeared on his phone was a selfie of Harry's beaming smile, and a message saying that he was very proud of Louis and that the picture of the twins had made his day.  

It was clearly a turning point.  Louis had opened a door to William with his present, they'd held hands whilst asleep.  There was no turning back and trying to avoid him any longer - it wouldn't make any sense for them to be as close as they were one day, and then distant the next.  

Louis couldn't help but question Michael's motives behind sending Harry the picture - it was like he knew that once it was seen, Louis would have no choice but move forward with it.  

His suspicions were only amplified when he found himself and William being bundled out of the house with Larry and Stylinson in their arms, Michael telling them to take the puppies for a walk whilst he made breakfast, and would William mind helping them later in moving Louis and his stuff into Harry's new home?

William, of course agreed.  Louis could find no plausible reason to object.

"What are your plans for the next few days?" Louis asked, racking his brain for conversation, "When are you heading home?"

William shrugged, stretching his legs out and propping himself up on his elbows in the longish grass.  It was difficult to decide what to say.  He, and only he alone, knew that if he wanted to, he could stay here for as long as he wanted.  He actually had more financial ties here than in Cardiff, where his "home" was, but this was not the time to mention this.  The way things were going, it didn't feel it would be too long until he could indulge his friends and family with the news, but until he was absolutely certain, he wasn't going to ruin it by making outrageous revelations.

"Hadn't thought about it" he said instead, "Zayn said something about hanging out over the next few days, and.." He shifted uncomfortably "Amy texted me to invite me to do something with you all at New Years" he paused to let the words sink in to Louis' brain "If that's ok?"

Louis frowned.  What was he meant to do with that?  Obviously he would be spending New Year with Amy and the rest of them, maybe Charlotte was having a party or something.  And it would please Harry....

"Yeah" he nodded slowly, sounding more convincing to himself, than his twin "You should come"

William beamed with radiating happiness.

"Cool" he nodded "I'll text Amy later and tell her I'm in!  I didn't want to agree to anything until I asked you first" he quickly explained, "I didnt want you to think I was trying to muscle in on your territory"

Louis gave him a weak smile.  But didn't say anything to either confirm or deny the alligations.  Something which didn't go unnoticed, which led to William slipping an arm gently around his shoulders.  Flinching in surprise at the action, Louis turned to his twin with a look of question.

"I really appreciate you trying Lou" William told him, deliberately slowly, "We really can be friends again, and...well...I'm really..."

"Louis?"

Both boys looked up as an unfamiliar boy to William started walking towards them.  Instantly William did not care for the lad. Slightly chubby, his clothes did nothing for his figure, a poor fitting t-shirt, and his trousers were very tight - and not in a good way - and then there were the piercings!  

William had to admit that on the right person, facial piercings could look pretty attractive - but on this punk?  The snake bites looked cheap!  And were those really bars through the base of his neck?

In one hand, he held the chained lead of a shaggy Alsatian, and in the other was a beer can.  William sneered openly as his eyes swept up and down his frame before looking away in disgust - he looked a right mess!  How on earth did someone like that know Louis.

Louis' eyes had widened dramatically, and although he had stiffened his whole body at the sound of the boy's voice, he had subconsciously leaned further into William's embrace seeking comfort and safety.  This only enhanced William's suspicions - this guy was bad news.

"Wow!" the lad muttered, sitting down in front of them uninvited, and placing his precious can of drink close to him on the uneven ground, "How did I not know you were an identical twin?"

There was a hard edge to his words, William watched through narrowed eyes, as the boys piggy ones followed his arm from his shoulder to where it was wrapped around his twin, his fingers loosely gripping Louis' shoulder.  He did not like the calculation in them one little bit.

"Not going to introduce me babe?  I'm sure he's heard all about me" 

Louis' eyes flickered anxiously from the Alsatian he was staring at, to the fat face, to William's scorned one.

"Er...Will" he squeaked, after a few attempts and having to clear his throat several times "This is Reece"

'Reece' turned to William with a smug smile, tilting his head upwards, as if to say 'yes, it is I!'

William put on his blankest expression.

"Never heard of you" he said coldly, narrowing his eyes a fraction more.

Reece actually had the audacity to look offended.  William didn't blame Louis in the slightest for never mentioning him.  He wouldn't admit to knowing this chump either!

"So?" Reece asked, no longer looking offended, but quietly confident, "How have you been babe?  Have you missed me as much as I've missed you?"

His arm had shot out as he spoke, placing a large hand onto Louis' bare forearm and giving it a squeeze.  Automatically, William swiped it away with his free hand, then, holding Reece's irritated gaze, gave Louis' arm a gentle pat, screaming internally 'get your fucking hands off my brother'.

Louis was looking flustered, and not entirely sure what to do or say.

"We'd better be getting back" William announced briskly, deciding to save Louis the trouble of speaking, "We're moving Louis in with his boyfriend today, should get started"

He stood up, going to pull his twin up with him, but Reece obviously had other ideas.  He'd seen the two little puppies scampering around on the other side of the enclosure, and then looked at his own dog, who was watching them closely and straining on his lead.

With a fluid motion, he let said lead go, giving the huge dog a smack on the rump, who went running towards the two small dogs with a loud bark.

Louis swore, jumping to his feet in order to follow Willing in running to protect his little ones, but Reece grabbed his shoulders and kept him sitting down.

"Don't worry about him" he said calmly, the smile on his lips not matching the cruel look in his eyes "He's a big softie really.  Like me!"

Louis eyed him with caution.  There was no way Reece could ever be described as a softie!

"I am really so glad I got to see you Lou" Reece continued to say, rubbing his hands up and down Louis' arms as though he was shaking out of cold instead of anxiety.  He scooted closer "I've missed you so much baby.  Why don't you ever talk to me anymore?"

"I...I have a boyfriend Reece" Louis stuttered, craning his neck to see William struggling to keep the huge dog from attacking Larry and Stylinson, "We...we can't be..."

Reece shifted even closer, his eyes darting to make sure that William wasn't paying any attention to them.  Louis tried to get up and move away, but Reece was strong and was holding him tightly.

"Babe, you don't have to lie to me" Reece told him smoothly, as though he was simply reciting the alphabet, "We both know that you don't have a boyfriend because you love me.  You know you love me, and I'm so sorry it's taken me so long to realise how special you are, but I haven't been able to stop thinking about you, and I miss you so much"

"Don't" Louis hissed, looking upset.  He tried to throw Reece's arms off him "Stop it.  You know the only reason you want me is because I'm taken by someone else.  You don't care about me at all!  You never did.  You never wanted a commitment.  You never wanted me!"

"Baby, the only reason I..."

"Don't call me baby!" Louis snapped.  Only Harry got to call him that. "Get off me Reece!  Take your dog and leave me alone!"

Reece ignored him, cooing at him as though he was being unreasonable and childish.

"Louis, we both know that the only reason I couldn't commit to you, was because you were still in love with Mark..."

Mark!

At the name, Louis began to shake, suddenly feeling dizzy and sick.  How could Reece just throw that name around so casually!

"I didn't want to be second best in your eyes Lou, every time I made love to you..."

This was shit!  This was absolute bullshit! Reece never 'made love to him'!  Reece fucked him! Fucked him hard, painfully and selfishly!  

Louis knew what love was now!  Harry had shown him what real love actually was.  Love was gentle.  Love was caring.  Love was putting someone else's needs and pleasure before your own.  Love wasn't broken promises or just pretty words that sounded good, but had no actions behind them.  Harry always acted on what he said, and did even more than he promised he would.  Harry never failed to show him how treasured he was.  Because Harry loved him!  

"Louis!" 

Louis looked up to see William storming across the grass towards him, Larry and Stylinson safely tucked under his arms, a look of fury on his face as he saw how Reece was pushing his on his shoulders to keep him from moving.

"Get away from him!" William growled, kicking out at Reece's back, wanting to desperately punch him, but didn't want to risk putting the pups on the ground.

Smirking, Reece let Louis go with a shove and got to his feet.  

"Looks like I met the wrong twin first" he said to William with a leer, getting out of the way of his feet, "Tell me, is everything about the two of you identical?" He let his eyes obviously trail down to William's crotch, "Then again, that wouldn't necessarily be a good thing" he murmured with remembrance, "Do you have the same problem in that area too?"

William's lip curled in disgust.  Louis had scrambled to his feet and was urgently tugging on his twin's arm.  He had to stop this exchange of conversation!  He wanted to go home!  He wanted to call Harry!

"Trust me mate, you wouldn't have even a whisper of a chance with either of us!" William sneered, passing the puppies hurriedly to his brother in case Reece chose to start something.  It didn't help that his dog was back at his masters side growling menacingly.

"Will!" Louis hissed urgently, not liking the smug, victorious expression on Reece's face.

"So you're the sassy twin, and he's the sweet one" Reece smiled with a glint in his eyes, "The perfect blend of dominance and submissive" he chuckled ominously, "The three of us should get together sometime, really make a night of it!"

"The only time the three of us would do anything together, would be me kicking your fucking ass whilst he watches!" William spat with venom, shaking off Louis' hand for the second time, and squaring up to the slightly taller lad, not scared of his flab or muscle, or even the growling dog that had dutifully returned to its masters feet.

"Chill out Twinky!" a snide smile played on Reece's lips, "I wasn't suggesting that you would be the one fucking your brother!" he chose his next words carefully, "That would be too....incestuous!"

He elongated the s' on the word incestuous, making them hiss off his tongue, like the snake that he was.  Coiled around his prey, looking to play with it before going directly for the kill.

There were two startled yelps as Larry and Stylinson dropped to the ground, as a paling Louis lost control of his arms, letting them limply fall to his sides in disbelief.

Hastily grabbing the two pups from inquisitive paws, William clenched his jaw, poking a dumbfounded Louis in the back to make him walk away.

"Call me baby!" Reece sang out, laughing out loud at William's yelled response of "Fuck off!"

 

"Come on Lou, just keep walking" William urged him, knowing that he probably needed guidance right now, if he was able to drop his puppies, his mind was obviously occupied elsewhere.  Managing to juggle both of them under one arm, William put the other on the small of Louis' back, steering him a little way up the road, then, when they were out of sight of the park, into a back ally.  He didn't want the risk of that thing following Louis home, then coming back to harass him some more.

"Hey, are you ok?" he asked gently, as Louis came to an abrupt halt, looking around as though he'd just come out of a deep sleep, confused and disoriented.

"Where are we going?" Louis asked confused, "This isn't the way home"

"Didn't want that git following you home" William explained, he let Louis take Larry in his arms, and hold him close to his chest, "Who was he anyway? Because if he's one of your friends, we really need a chat about who you choose to fraternise with"

Louis' face was awash with shame.

"He's not a friend" he murmured quietly, more to Larry than to William.  How should he define who Reece was?  He wasn't someone he dated, because they had never gone on a date.  He wasn't a friend, because they had gone further than friends.  He wasn't an ex, because Reece hadn't wanted to commit to him.  He wasn't even really a fuck buddy, because Louis never benefited from their sex-capades.

"We...er...we fucked for a bit" he admitted, too confused to think of a lie on the spot.

Sucking his bottom lip into his mouth, William turned on the spot abruptly, dragging his free hand down his face.  That was worse than he had imagined.

"What?" he asked, hoping he had misheard, "Come again?  You had sex.." he gestured wildly behind him, "That obnoxious, arrogant moron?  What the hell were you thinking?  It was just once right?  A stupid drunken mistake?  Right?  You were trashed and you thought he looked like a ten and then you woke up the next day and realised he was a minus seventy?  Right?"

Louis' amplified expression of guilt and embarrassment made William screw his face up with frustration.  So it wasn't just the once.  What the hell was Louis thinking of?  Thank fuck Harry had found him!  He knew by talking to his mum, that she hadn't been too impressed with the level of men he'd been seeing in the past, was Reece the one she'd been referring to?  Were there others like him?

"What is wrong with you?" William groaned, "Don't you have any self respect or dignity than to get with fucking wank rags like that?  The way he talks about you!"  he violently shivered "I don't even know how you could even get it up for someone like him?  Not only does he rival the elephant man, but his personality resembles a scorpion on a rampage!"

"Shut up!" Louis squeaked, his face reddening with every word that shot out of his twin's mouth, "You don't know what it was like back then!  I was fucking lonely!  With you gone, I had no one to talk to!  I just wanted someone to love me!  I just thought....if I let Reece have me, then he would...eventually...love me"

"With me gone?" William questioned in disbelief, "You make it sound like I abandoned you!  You pretty much kicked me out of my own home!"

Louis went to interrupt, but William was not finished.

"You abandoned me!  I had to go to Cardiff on my own!  I had no family around me!  No fucking friends!  If I hadn't have met Harry at that stupid party, I would have been on my own, and you complain that you were lonely, and that is your excuse for shagging that prick!"

Clamping his mouth shut, Louis glared at his brother, snatching Stylinson away from him, and storming off.  Not caring if he was going in the right direction or not.  He just wanted to get home as quickly as he could and call his boyfriend.

"Are you seriously walking away from me again?" William fumed, stomping after him, "Oh no!  We're not doing that again!  We're going to talk about this!"

"There's nothing to talk about" Louis told him defiantly, letting William trot besides him, "You're only going to argue with me and tell me how pathetic and bad I am!"

William dramatically rolled his eyes, "You're not pathetic" he insisted, feeling his irritation slowly disperse, "I just think you made some bad choices.  I'm so fucking glad you have Harry now"

"Me too" Louis said tightly, stopping once more, "So don't tell him about Reece because I want him to want to stay with me, and I don't need his judgement on my past indiscretions"

"Harry would never judge you Lou, he's not like that" William insisted, even though he knew that, as kind and sweet as Harry was, even he would be slightly repulsed by that lad.

"I don't want to find out," 

"Ok, no problem.  I won't tell Harry about him" William assured his twin, seeing the worry in his eyes, "But if he gives you any shit, if he contacts you, or you bump into him, I want you to call me, and I'll deal with him!"

"And what, you'll come all the way from Cardiff to save me?" Louis asked sarcastically.

William gulped shallowly "Yeah" he nodded quietly, "I'll come all the way from...Cardiff"

It was time to change the subject, and what was better than going from one questionable topic to another.

"What was he referring to when he asked if I had the same problem?" William asked, Reece's question as he leered at his crotch, only just occurring to him.

Louis shrugged, and sat down on a nearby bench, the muscles in his legs feeling weak, reminding him he still hadn't eaten - or had a cigarette yet!  How much he needed one about now!

"Fuck knows" he muttered, knowing exactly what he had meant.  He was actually surprised that Reece had taken his attention off his impending orgasm to actually notice.  Of course that only made things worse.  Reece had noticed he was soft, and still hadn't given a fuck.

"He meant something" William persisted, sitting next to him, "Lou, if there's something wrong, you can tell me about it.  I'm your twin!  You can tell me anything"

"It's not a problem" Louis insisted, with an edge of hysteria, "The important thing is that Harry's fine with it.  He doesn't think it's a problem, so it's not a problem,  It's actually a non problem"

Louis was babbling like a monkey, protesting way too much.  There was clearly a problem, and considering what Reece had said (even though he took what he said with a pinch of salt), it resided in Louis' crotch.

"Boo?" William implored, "Please?  If he knows, then surely you can tell me"

"I don't want to"

Shame and embarrassment was prominent on Louis' features once more.  

"I'm pathetic" he finally said defeated, "I didn't think he noticed to be honest"  he rubbed his nose, "This is so fucking humiliating"

"More humiliating than having Reece fuck you on multiple occasions?"

Louis' glare was enough to make William put his hands up in surrender, mouthing a silent apology.

"Forget it" Louis grumbled, "I don't need this shit"

Before he could get up, his brother's hand shot out and grabbed his arm.

"Lou, we're going around in circles.  Just tell me.  I'm really worried about you, and if he can say that kind of thing in front of me, what would he say if you ran into him with Harry?  Because I don't think that would put him off"

"Ican'tgethard!" Louis uttered in one breath, almost inaudible by his face stuck between two puppies chests.

"What?"  William was none the wiser.

Louis frowned so deep, a crease appeared between his eyebrows.

"I have a problem...with...you know...I...well...I need help...to get...you know...hard..."

Oh!

"With Reece?"

"Yeah"

"Was that because, you didn't really want to?" William asked, once again, fearing the worst, getting all protective and angry "Lou?  Did he force himself onto you?  Because if he did, I'm gonna go back and..."

"No" Louis replied in a small tone, "I let him, I just...didn't enjoy it...ever...I thought he would treat me nicer...but he...didn't.  I guess this is just my punishment for being a bad boy...with you...I did something bad with it (referring to his dick), and this is what I deserved...until I met Harry, I didn't even realise I'd be able to actually...you know...enjoy it.  I didn't with the others.  I hated it, but maybe that's what I deserve...after..." he trailed off, a lump in his throat, and looked away, trying to swallow it down.

"Does it still...erm...happen?" William asked, concerned, "Even with Harry?"

Louis inhaled sharply and gave the briefest of nods, "I need him to touch me before anything happens, so it still works, but not on its own accord.  But it's not that bad right?  I mean, it happens to you too doesn't it?"

He looked so hopeful that William felt as awful saying his words as Louis looked to hear them.

"No boo, it doesn't"

"Oh" Louis murmured quietly, "Just me then.  Figures.  I'm so fucking pathetic!"

William slipped his arm around Louis' waist.

"You're not pathetic Lou, this isn't your...."

Louis stood up abruptly, "Can we just go home?  I want to talk to Harry.  I need to hear his voice right now"

William nodded, getting up and walking with Louis once again.  His heart ached a little as he heard Louis whisper to his puppies "It is my fault though.  This wouldn't be happening if I hadn't have been such a bad, disgusting boy!"

The further they walked, the more time William had to think.  He knew something was playing on his twins mind.  There was a faint strain around his jaw that indicated he was clenching his teeth, his eyes were distant as though what he was seeing was something entirely different to the pavement in front of them.  He kept repeating the same words when he described himself.  Pathetic.  Disgusting.  Bad.  The words Mark had used to put him down all those years ago, words that clearly still rang in his ears, probably ignited by what should have been just a harmless jibe with no meaning - Reece suggesting that William would fuck his brother.

"He would have only been joking" William said casually, testing the waters, "It was a lame ass joke, but there wouldn't have been anything behind it"

Louis was fumbling for his house keys in his pocket.

"He know's Mark" he stated with an eerie calm, "Anything is possible"

William's jaw clunked open in disbelief.  He stood by, with wide eyes, watching as Louis finally let Larry and Stylinson run into the house to play, greeting Michael who had appeared out of nowhere.

"You've been gone ages!" he exclaimed, "Your breakfast is warming under the grill.  Whilst you eat, I'm going to go and get the first car load ready.  No point in all of us hanging around" he grinned at Louis, "And knowing this one, he's got a lot of stuff he wants to bring over"

Louis nodded with a fake smile, disappearing up the stairs, Michael watching his retreating back with a questioning expression.

"What's wrong?" he hissed, not liking how William looked as though he'd just been electrocuted, "Has something happened?"

"We just need to have a chat" William nodded, "Take your time yeah?"

William waited for Michael to leave, luckily without questioning him further, then ran upstairs in search of his brother.  After unsuccessfully trying several empty rooms, he made his way to the top floor, finding Louis on the balcony of what appeared to be the master bedroom, smoking a cigarette with gusto, and leaning over the railings.

'Explain" William demanded shortly, sitting on the edge of the bed where Louis could both see and hear him, "What do you mean by Reece knows Mark?  How long had you known him before you found that out?" he winced, "Is that why you stopped seeing him?"

"I knew from the start" Louis replied, stubbing the cigarette butt out on the railings, and chucking it somewhere in the garden, "We met on warcraft, I found out before we met"

He walked back into the bedroom, rummaging around a pile of clothes, choosing a new t-shirt and giving it a sniff to check it was still clean.  He was either being too calm, or William himself was seconds away from loosing his mind.  Ten minutes ago, he would have welcomed this nonchalant attitude, but now?  It just made him furious.

"What the fuck is wrong with you?" William suddenly burst out, absolutely livid by the new information, "You must be messed up in that head of yours!  There is no other possible explanation for it!  How could you do that to me?"

"What did I do to you?" Louis asked genuinely confused, and a little shocked at how his twin was speaking to him.

William found himself pacing around the room, unable to stay still, as long as his feet and hands were occupied, he wasn't strangling his brother!

"Let me get this straight" William snapped, his eyes glinting dangerously, "You were actually aware that this Reece prick, knew your ex boyfriend Mark, and you still went to meet him, fuck him, and try and get in a relationship with him?"

Realisation dawned at the back of Louis' wide eyes.  He nodded wordlessly.

"Even though there was a danger of your ex boyfriend who - may I remind you - beat me up, abused and almost raped you, leaving you so traumatised that you cut me out of your life!  Me!  Your best friend and identical twin brother, because you were so scared of him telling someone what happened, and you think it's the best idea to go and shag about with one of his friends?"  he finished with a shout, "How delusional and fucked up are you?"

"It wasn't like that!" Louis cried out, barely sounding human anymore, "I was lonely!  I needed someone!  You weren't there anymore!"

"And who's fault was that?" snapped William, hating how his twin was crying, but for the first time in ages, not feeling at all sympathetic.  This was messed up, warped, screwed.  What ever you wanted to call it, he had no idea where Louis' mind had been, "You brought this all on yourself!  You chose not to talk to me afterwards!  You chose to abandon me, leaving yourself friendless and alone!  You chose to hop into bed, and be a cheap little pushover for an utter dick!  I have spent the last few years doing everything I can to keep you safe from Mark!  I could be really successful by now!  I could have a record deal like Harry does!  I could be touring, and singing, and writing songs under my own name, not Ed fucking Sheeran!  And you know why I'm not?  Because I was terrified that when I got successful, Mark would be a vindictive little shit and try to take me down - and that would mean he'd be taking you down with me!  And I was not going to stand for that!"  William was almost roaring with anger, full on, getting in Louis' face, for the first time, not giving a shit how much Louis cried or how cruel his words were "All my life, I have protected you!  All my life I have put you first!  I sacrificed my family, my friends, my home, my career, for you!  To keep you safe!  And you just go and try to play happy families behind enemy lines?" he sucked in a breath, "You even wanted me to give up Harry - the only friend I have, because you thought that I would tell him about us"

Louis was pressed with his back up against the wall, his face contorted with misery as he cried.  William looked down, and his heart thudded painfully as he read the word on the t-shirt that had meant the world to him only a few hours before.  Now it meant absolutely nothing!  All this time, William had been sure that Louis had a secret reason from avoiding him, that it was his way of keeping safe.  Now he had no idea.  But from the evidence he'd learnt today - the company he chose to keep, the quality of ex's he had, the fact he felt that if he put out he would be loved in return, and that it was the only to gain someones affection - which was ludicrous in itself!  He'd admitted to bedroom problems, which must have been a bigger deal than even Louis had made out, because if Harry knew about it, there was something to know.  Even as he was saying it, he was making reference to being bad, and pathetic...and it all stemmed back to that one night.

William didn't blame Louis for them getting caught.  He didn't blame him for wanting to distance himself from everything and everyone who had been involved in that incident, including him - it was basic self preservation.

He did however, blame him, for making a link back to that night - and not choosing him!

In one swift movement, he tore his precious Family t-shirt off, over his head, balled it up and chucked it at Louis' face.

"I wish I had never bothered!" he spat out painfully, watching Louis cry and trying to stop him from breaking down and do the same, "But you made you choice, we're done Lou!"

He strode to the door, his heart beating rapidly and painfully within his bare chest.  An hour ago, he would have shouted down anyone who accused him of doing this - but now he was, he was actually abandoning Louis.

"You need to talk to someone Lou" he uttered, through blurred eyes and a cracked voice, "Someone professional, you need someone who will help you understand why you made all those bad choices because I can't help but think, if you were really emotionally stable, you wouldn't be making them" his last words were cruel, but they had a point, "If you were emotionally stable, you'd be able to get your prick hard for your boyfriend"

Then he was gone.

Louis slid down the wall in disbelief, mouth gaping open, so distraught  he couldn't even cry!  William had never spoken to him like that before, never blamed him for anything as harsh and as viciously as that!  Was he really messed up in the head?  Was he really emotionally unstable?  What was he going to do now?

For the first time, Louis had first hand experience of what it felt like to be left and abandoned by his twin brother.  It was such a different story, being on the receiving end of rejection, and Louis didn't like it at all.  He could feel a darkness creeping up on him, crawling along the carpet, attracted to the feelings of negativity and fear that were radiating from his inner core.  It engulfed him, swallowing him up in blackness.  His throat was itching, for the antidepressants hidden inside a packet of paracetamol in his old bedroom, for the bottle of vodka on his bookshelf that looked like a bottle of water to the unknowing eye.  The last time he'd felt like this...he'd awoken in a hospital bed.  But he couldn't.  He couldn't do that to Harry!  Only Harry could help him get out of this state.

Not trusting his legs to properly support him, Louis crawled on his hands and knees to where his phone was on charge, dialling the only person he wanted to speak to.

"Harry?" he asked, falling to pieces as soon as he heard the rich, loving tone of his boyfriend answering, "I need help!  Can you help me?  I need you!"

 

 


	44. Chapter 44

The phone call came just after lunch.

Gemma was in the middle of showing Harry the photos from her recent holiday, when Harry's phone started to ring.

Seeing Louis' name flashing, he shot Gemma a pleading smile, who rolled her eyes at him, and sat back, knowing that she had lost her brother's attention for at least a couple of hours - which wouldn't be the length of the phone call, but combined with Harry's afterglow of speaking to his beloved.

"Hey sweetheart" she heard Harry smile into the mouthpiece, but the smile was short lived, as his whole face turned into one of worry and anxiety - the crease between his eyebrows never being more prominent.

Great. Princess Louis was acting up again!

"Baby? What's wrong?" Harry asked, his voice suddenly high pitched, "Shhh, shhhh baby, it's ok. Is anyone with you? Ok. Ok. Don't worry. I'm on my way. You're going to be fine baby, get into bed, tuck down, try and get some sleep, and I'll be home before you know it. Love you so much baby. I'll be as quick as I can"

He ended the call, sweeping past Gemma, running upstairs to get the few belongings he'd brought with him. "What's going on?" Gemma demanded, hot on his heels, "Why are you leaving?"

"Louis needs me," Harry said shortly, stuffing everything within reach into his carrier, turning to his sister, looking pained, "I'm so sorry Gem, I've really got to go!"

"No!" Gemma objected, getting between Harry and the doorway, "You cannot jump every time he snaps his fingers!"

"Gemma. I love you, but please get out of my way, I need to get home now!"

Gemma held both her footing and a glare. She knew her brother would never forcibly remove her - and that was exactly what he'd have to do to get past her. There was nothing that Louis would need from Harry that couldn't wait one more day!

"What's going on? I heard shouting?" their mother Anne suddenly appeared behind Gemma, "Harry? Are you ok love?" she asked, taking in Harry's lacklustre expression with concern.

"Louis needs me at home" Harry told her, exactly the same time as Gemma growled; "Princess is being a pain in the arse!"

Anne quickly sized her two children up, first examining Gemma's furious and jealous scowl, then Harry's frantic twitching, obviously desperate to leave.

"Harry? What's wrong?" she asked, pushing Gemma a little so she could get by, and putting a comforting hand on her son's arm.

"I don't know" Harry struggled to say, "He just called, he's really upset and he said he needs my help. I don't know what with, but I know I need to get back to him. No one's with him, and I'm scared. I'm really sorry, you know I want to be here, but..."

Anne nodded quickly. "Go home" she said low and serious, "Give Louis our love..."

She paused to give Gemma a warning glance for the snort of disgust she let out.

"Give Louis our love," she continued, "And call to let us know he's alright."

Harry nodded quickly, dipping to give her a big hug and a kiss on the cheek. His mum was wonderful.

Letting go, he went to Gemma, who was no longer looking angry, but sore and disappointed.

"I'm really sorry Gem," he uttered to her, holding out his arms to indicate a hug, "But I have to"

"You're lucky I love you little brother" she sighed, letting him embrace her, "You owe us a visit"

"Promise" Harry swore, giving her a quick kiss on the cheek, then dashing from the room and thundering down the stairs, flying out of the door.

He should have left ten minutes ago.

 

Back at their house, Louis was lying on the floor, in the same place as where he had sat as he called Harry.

The bed was only two feet away, but it was too much effort to actually get there, as though he was shackled to the spot.

The things William had said were weighing heavily on his mind, compressing his head to the floor under their weight.

He'd always questioned his choices, but hearing William just shout his mistakes out loud, had pulled his head unwillingly from the sand he's surrounded himself in and into the harsh reality that seemed to be his mental capacity.  Harsh jagged bolts of secrets, lies and the truth striking him with every realisation.

Only his twin could have provoked this kind of reaction. Only his twin actually abandoning him and giving up on him would have made him see properly. For the screwed up, emotional mess that he had become.

He'd finally done what he'd always pretended he'd wanted to do. He'd pushed his twin away from him.

Now he would do anything to have him back!

Like a flicker book, Louis' minds eye glimpsed images of all the people who had been in his life that had resulted into him lying pathetically and broken on the floor of his boyfriends bedroom, each one of them mocking and laughing at him at his misfortune.

Even his then best friend who had since married his ex fiancé, entered the equation. All of their faces equaled a choice he had previously made. A choice that he should have gone the other way for, and the result was pretty obvious.

If he hadn't have had that moment of madness with William - none of this would have happened. It had been the route to all evil. And who was to blame?

There was no one to blame except himself.

But, he could change this couldn't he? He had Harry. Harry that was the kindest, caring, pillar of strength to grace Louis' pitiful existence.

Louis had to pull himself together, because Harry deserved nothing less than a happy, full functioning sane boyfriend - something which Louis just wasn't right now.

But where would he start?

If he was sane, he would be happy. If he was happy, he might be able to function - both mind and body.

But could he really wait to feel better in order to function? Surely, if he was full functioning - in that area, he would be happy?

"I love Harry" he whispered, slipping his hand down his stomach, and fumbling with the button of his jeans, "I'm doing this for Harry."

He tried thinking of Harry. How he looked after he'd had a shower - bare skin, water droplets glistening on his abs, damp curls and bright eyes. The taste of his kisses when they were cuddled on the settee, being slow and romantic, or Louis pressed up against the nearest wall, his legs tightly gripping around Harry's lean waist as he bottom lip was being sucked into Harry's eager mouth.

But nothing happened. Louis pushed his jeans down his thighs, thinking he needed more room to make more forceful thrusts into his hand.

Nothing happened.

Furiously tugging on himself, getting more and more frustrated and angry with himself, resulting in him giving it a hard, painful slap for being so uncooperative!

He would just have to wait for Harry to come home. Harry would fix things. Harry would make him all better.

So, he did the only thing he could do, crawl into bed, and wait for Harry to come and help him.

 

"Baby?"

Harry's heart was hammering inside his chest as he cautiously opened his bedroom door a crack and peeped inside.

His instinct was to charge straight in, scoop Louis up into his arms and just smother him with love.  But his brain forced him to approach slowly.  Louis was already fragile, he didn't want to make the situation worse by frightening him.

"Harry?"

Louis' tousled head appeared from the depths of the bedclothes, scrambling to get up and throw himself into Harry's open arms, sobbing from the sheer relief of his boyfriend coming home, pushing every inch of his body as close to Harry's as he could get, wrapping his legs tightly around his hips, burying his face into the crook of his neck, inhaling the calming scent of Harry's skin.

"It's ok baby, I'm here now," Harry crooned, gently stroking Louis' back, holding him impossibly close and walking them over to their bed.

Kicking off his shoes, Harry tucked them both under the covers, trying to make Louis feel as safe and secure as possible.

"I love you so much Lou" he whispered into his feathery hair, kissing the top of his head, "I came back as soon as I could"

"I love you too" Louis mouthed against his neck, moistening his skin slightly "I missed you so much Harry, I'm sorry, it just feels like everything is falling apart, and I didn't know what to do!"

Harry's chest ached a little at how cracked and pained Louis' sounded. Compared to now, the voice he'd spoken to on the phone earlier could have been considered cheery.

"You did the right thing by calling" he assured him, wanting to make it clear, that if Louis ever needed help, he was the person to call, "What happened to make you ask for my help? What can I do?" he asked, running his fingers through Louis' fine hair, making sure the tips of his nails scratched his scalp slightly, knowing how much the smaller boy liked it.

"I don't know" Louis sniffed urgently, "I don't know what to think anymore! I think I'm loosing my mind, and i can't stop thinking about things, I don't want to see them!"

His little hands fisted the back of Harry's shirt.

"What don't you want to see baby?" Harry whispered, keeping his voice low and smooth to sound soothing and calm to Louis' ears, "What are you thinking about?"

"I just want to be normal," Louis said quietly, only a couple of decibels above a whisper, "I'm not normal Harry.  I...I don't think my head's right.  Why can't my head work like everyone else?"

"Louis..." Harry started, brow furrowing at the sad little words coming out of his boyfriends mouth. 

"I'm not like other actual men!" Louis whimpered, his eyes brimming with unshed tears, " I'm so pathetic and useless..."

"Louis!"  Harry clutched Louis' quivering form closer to him, wishing he would take a breath so that Harry could tell him exactly how wrong he was, about everything he was saying.

"I can't even...I can't even have a fucking wank...because...because my cock's broken!"

The damn broke, the tears fell, Louis crumpled in his arms as Harry rocked him so gently, peppering kisses into his hair.

"You're not pathetic or useless," Harry desperately denied, holding his boyfriend even tighter.  

He felt so sorry for his baby, finding it hard to imagine what it was like for Louis sometimes - his own body fighting against him, when all he wanted was a quick tug for some light relief.

"Look at me," Harry encouraged, cupping Louis' face with both hands and tilting his little face upwards. It was blotchy, tear streaked and swollen, but to Harry it still looked the most beautiful, of all the faces he'd ever seen.

"First of all, you are incredible, I love you with all my heart, and if you were normal like everyone else, you would be nowhere near as unique and special as you have turned out to be."

Louis closed his sore, red rimmed eyes, feeling Harry distribute said love in gentle kisses over his forehead, finishing with the sweetest of touches against Louis' lips.

"Secondly," Harry continued, tangling their legs closer together, "You know it's not broken. You've just been through a lot, and this is how you're reacting to it. It's perfectly natural, it happens to a lot of men, and I admire you so much for handling it so well, when it must be quite distressing for you.  Because it is, isn't it?"

Louis nodded tearfully, biting his lower lip.  Harry nodded slightly at the confirmation, concerned at how Louis had reached the point where his confidence had plummeted so far down.

"But sweetheart, you know I am always here for you to talk to about these things, because for every negative thing you think about yourself, I have at least ten to prove you wrong!"

"I don't deserve you, "Louis' lower lip was wobbling once more, his muscles tensing, even under the gentle caress of Harry's hands.

"Baby, I have never felt more unworthy of anything in my life every time I think of you" Harry breathed, giving him the smallest nibble on his bottom lip, trying to stop it from quivering.

"But you should be with someone who works!"  Louis protested, "Nothing about me works!  My body!  My brain!  I'm all useless and broken!"

"Darling, you just need to relax" Harry insisted sweetly, "There is nothing wrong with your body or your brain!  Both of them work fine when you're with me don't they?"

"You're different" Louis murmured, comforted by Harry's soft voice and careful touches, "You make me strong. You make me feel like I'm worth something"

"You didn't realise that by yourself?"

Eyes still closed, Louis' mouth barely moved as he uttered his reply. "I'm worth exactly what I deserve. Nothing"

He pushed himself even closer into Harry's warm body, almost as if he was trying to climb inside of it.

 

"Baby, don't say things like that" Harry pleaded with Louis, attempting to tilt his face upwards, "Where has this all come from?"

"Kiss me?" a small voice mouthed into his chest.

Getting the distinct feeling that the only reason for this request was purely because Louis wanted to dodge the question by distracting Harry, Harry bit back his objections, shuffling down the bed, so he was level with his boyfriend's face.  Inclining his own, he took Louis' bottom lip in between the gentle grip of his teeth - just the way Louis loved - and gave it the smallest of tugs, before slotting their lips together.

Instantly, Louis let out a little contented sigh. Lips moving together in blissful, sweet, synchronised, their tongues caressing each others, finger tips running down backs and tangling in hair and legs entwining like vines, Harry could almost feel the tension that was charging through Louis' veins, starting to melt under his touch.  He could almost believe what Louis had mentioned earlier, he might make Louis feel a little bit stronger, just by giving him the affection he deserved, which in turn, made Harry feel invincible.

"Show me you love me?" Louis sounded almost breathless through their kisses. Breathless and needy. It was the phrase Louis always used when he was asking Harry to make love to him, and usually, Harry would have had no objection, but this was just an extension of a distracting kiss, and considering how sad and shaken Louis was, without even giving an explanation why he had arrived in this mind set - it would be grossly inappropriate to take things any further without feeling like he was taking advantage.

"Harry?"

Harry's mouth had slackened with his thoughts, no longer kissing Louis with the shared enthusiasm, which Louis couldn't fail to notice.

"What's wrong?" the smaller boy wondered aloud, pulling away, not able to meet Harry's eyes just in case he was going to be rejected.

"Nothing Lou," Harry hastened to reassure him, "I was thinking of the other ways I can show you how much I love you"

Louis' eyes widened, no doubt feeling the worse.  Harry was actually going to reject him and try to be nice instead of saying what he was really thinking - that sex with the sad useless excuse for a human was the last thing he wanted!

"How?" He muttered, "If you don't want me, just say so.  No need to dress it up with pretty words, just tell me that i don't do it for you anymore"

"Louis...please don't say things like that.  It's not true" Harry soothed, taking Louis' face in his hands once more, bringing their lips to touch in a gentle kiss.

"I just don't think sex is always the way to show someone you love them, and right now I want to show you how much I love you, but," he paused, "Not like that" he finished softly, "not right now"

Sitting up, he pulled Louis into his arms, turning him around so that the smaller boys back was leaning against his chest, wrapping his own arms snugly around his boyfriend, not enjoying how Louis was twitching and fidgeting.

"Love doesn't always have to be physical to be shown baby," Harry reminded him, "Love can be..." he pressed his lips to Louis' cheek, nuzzling his nose into his temple, "Talking to your boyfriend about what's upsetting you, and working through all the problems together" another kiss, "Somethings made my baby really upset today, so much that he asked me to help him, but I don't know what to do to help because he hasn't told me.  Please tell me baby, I want to help you feel better"

"I just want to be normal again" Louis breathed, clasping his fingers around Harry's forearms and clamping them to his chest, "For you, I want to be normal and functioning so I deserve you.  You deserve to be with someone...manly...I'm not manly...I don't work...I'm never going to..."

He was cut off abruptly by Harry capturing his mouth in a deep kiss.

"You are a man" Harry told him seriously, craning his neck to keep their eyes connected, "You are my man, and I love you very much"

"But you don't want me!" Louis tore his gaze away, pushing himself physically back into Harry's embrace, but unable to keep looking into those captivating jade eyes incase they gave away what he was actually thinking.

"I always want you" Harry insisted, "Just after what I found out...you know...what happened to you, and considering how upset you are, I didn't think it was appropriate.  It would feel like I'm taking advantage of you, and I would much rather you got all your worries off your mind...than get me off" he finished sounding embarrassed, "I was trying to make you realised that sex isn't the only way of showing someone you love them.  I love sex with you!  But I love our closeness so much more!"

"But what if that is what I need to feel better?" Louis asked in a whisper, going red in the face.

"Then, really we need to talk about why it makes you feel better" Harry frowned, thinking on his feet, "Because...."

"I've missed you" 

Louis had removed himself from Harry's arms, twisting around and straddling the younger boys legs, inching closer and closer to his boyfriend until their chests were touching and their noses were brushing.

"I missed you too" Harry replied, a little huskily, since Louis was shuffling in tight little circles over his crotch and gently running his fingers through his hair, which always made his knees go weak, "Lou..." he stuttered, as Louis ground down extra hard, stopping him from speaking with a passionate kiss.

"We can talk afterwards" Louis promised, sounding a little shakey by how confident he was speaking, "Please Harry?  I really want this.  I really want you"

Harry couldn't bring himself to deny Louis another time.  He'd disagreed, he'd explained why, but by the way Louis was hungrily licking into his mouth, Harry knew he wasn't about to be persuaded otherwise, besides, he could feel control slipping away from him - Louis knowing exactly where to kiss, where to touch, which strands of hair to tug on to turn Harry into an a needy mess.  There was nothing he loved more than being on the receiving end of Louis' affection.

But if he was going to give in to Louis' request, Harry felt things needed to be a little different this time.

Louis was doubting he was a "real" man, was this the perfect opportunity to prove to him that he was?

Slowly and languidly, Harry stripped them both of their clothing, finding new places of bare skin to worship between removing the various articles of material, making Louis whine happily as he realised he was about to have his way.

"I was hoping," Harry murmured, when they were both down to their birthday suits, capturing Louis' lips in a steamy lip lock that sent his nervous system pulsating wildly, "That you would show that you love me"

It was an expected reaction. Louis' eyes widened at the suggestion, clearly far from his proposed comfort zone.

"But..I...Harry...I can't" he stuttered, uncertain , "I'd need a tablet to do that!"

"Shhh, just relax," Harry crooned softly, closing the gap between them for another thigh quaking kiss, "We won't do anything you don't want to do, I..." he looked a little guilty, "I just really want to feel you inside me"

He took one of Louis' hands in his, trailing down between their close bodies, so Louis could feel exactly how excited the prospect made him.

"But I'm so..."

"Tense? I know baby, but you won't be for long, I promise."

Their lips connected once more, Harry using them to roll Louis onto his back, straddling him, exploring his rigid jawline with little nips and licks, mouthing down the expanse of his neck.

Louis sucked in a little gasp, just as Harry sucked one of his nipples into his mouth, rolling it between his lips, knowing how buttery soft and pliable Louis' thoughts would be because of how sensitive they were, and how if he was lucky, he might miss the one hand that was creeping down his stomach, over his hip, to where his soft length was waiting for him.

"I love you" Harry whispered, each and every little mew of pleasure escaping Louis' perfect mouth going straight to his dick that was already digging into Louis' thigh. He knew if he was to look down, he'd have left a sticky wet patch on his skin leaking from the tip, and for some reason that only excited him more. The more he thought about it, the more right this was feeling.

As Harry closed his long fingers around Louis' shaft, his boyfriend's eyes popped open, the hint of fear clearly visible, knowing what state of himself Harry was holding.

"Shhh" Harry repeated gently, starting to pay the same amount of attention to the other nipple, slowly rolling Louis' length around in his hand, gently stroking his balls with the tips of his fingers.

It was the strangest of experiences, knowing that Louis had difficulty in even turning himself on, but Harry could fatten and elongate his cock in a matter of strokes and touches - it always made Harry feel powerful, and so special.

"Feels so good," Louis murmured brokenly, arching his back off of the bed a little at how Harry had twisted his wrist, just the right way to make his heart race.

"Will you show me?" Harry asked, his green eyes, the darkest of jade from arousal, sitting back on Louis' thighs so that the blue eyed boy could see exactly how hard Harry had made him, leaking from the tip, veins prominant, flushed the duskiest shade of pink.

He watched Louis watch him stroke it, giving him just enough friction to keep him standing proud, but not enough to make sure that he craved more.

"I've never..." Louis couldn't keep his eyes off it, he'd never been more aware of what was standing between his legs, and although Harry had made him stiff and come with a cry, many times before, this was the first time that Harry proposed he actually used it in that way.

Harry bit down hard on his bottom lip. "I'll be your first?" He asked, the shade of his eyes going two darker at the mere thought, "Fuck Lou, I want you inside me so bad!"

"What if I can't keep it up?" Louis worried aloud, still staring at it as if he was waiting for it to fail him "What if I come too quickly?"

"Then you ride it out and enjoy it!" Harry smirked, feeling his own cock twitch, anticipating the feeling of Louis spurting deep inside him, no matter what time frame it happened in!

"Think how good it's going to feel," he breathed huskily, leaning forward, and kissing Louis' slightly open mouth, "I'm going to be so tight around you, imagine this..." he gripped a little tighter with his hand, sliding his fist deliberately slow from base to tip, giving him a taste of what there was to come.

All Louis could do was gurgle incoherently, not able to prevent himself from bucking his hips into Harry's fist, whining when Harry took his hand away, grinning the sexiest smile, bending from the waist so their chests were pressed together, leaning on his elbows carefully arranged either side of Louis' face and using his hands to cradle his head, as Louis greedily hooked his feet over the backs of Harry's thighs, thrusting upwards so their crotches collided together, making both of them pant into each others mouth.

Pulling reluctantly away, Harry fumbled in the bedside table before pressing a small bottle of lubricant into Louis' hands.

"You know what to do babe" he whispered, giving him a quick kiss, then turning around, assuming the position, bum up in the air, giving it a little wiggle, smirking down at the sheets as he caught the faint sound of Louis giggle nervously at the sight.

He expected to hear the sound of the plastic seal on the bottle being broken, he expected to hear the pumping action of lubricant onto fingers.

Instead, two hands cupped his arse cheeks, massaging them, scratching them lightly with finger nails, pulling them apart and...

Oh!

Louis' delicate little tongue swiped quickly over his hole, making him shiver with a feeling close to ecstasy at the sensation. He started off tentatively, quick little swipes of the tip of his tongue, but the more Harry whined, the more he wiggled backwards, Louis' hands gripping his hips so tightly, the more confidence Louis gained, flattening his tongue against the fluttering muscle, using his lips to mouth the outside whilst his tongue delved deeper and deeper inside, swirling around his inner walls.

It was so intimate, and so pleasurable, made even hotter because Louis was fully in control.

The sound of Louis tugging on himself, sent Harry over the edge, whining, moaning, begging Louis for more.

From where his face was pressed into his folded arms on the sheets, he took a deep breath, slick fingers were gently pressing against his tender ring of muscle, following the same path that his little tongue had been only minutes before, only this time, they went deeper, probing, swirling, crooking to find the elusive bundle of nerves that had been untouched for far too long.

One finger, two fingers, then three, scissoring, stretching him out. He thought he was going to pass out from how heavily he was panting, noises erupting from inside him that he didn't even recognise with his own ears.

"Are you ready?" Louis asked hesitantly, plastering himself to Harry's back so he could speak right into the shell of his ear - even the slight puff of air from his words on his ear lobe was enough to make his knees go weak, he was so turned on.

"I'm so ready" Harry gasped, "Take me, just like this, you're so good for me!"

Louis made a pleased noise, and Harry could tell he was blushing, if he wasn't being sexy and minx like, Louis was downright adorable.

Louis backed up, kneeling right behind Harry. This whole experience so far was blowing his mind.

He was well aware that he had a lot to live up to, ever since his time with Harry, sex had turned from something intimating and painful, to the biggest high Louis had never dared to imagine.

Not only did Harry have the type of body that made everyone else (including himself), look like short, fat, balding men! But he also knew exactly what to do with it to make Louis feel like a God being worshipped in his own right.

Every time they'd made love - as Harry insisted they call it - Louis held off his premature orgasms, by constantly questioning exactly why someone as perfect and insatiable as Harry Styles cared this much about someone as plain and peasant like, as him.

Every touch, every lingering kiss on salty skin, every whisper of love absorbed into his bones - felt as magical and natural as if they were both doing it for the first time, or they had been doing it for years they were so comfortable together.

But right now, it was Harry on his hands and knees, a position they hadn't tried together before - because Harry preferred to have Louis in his arms where he could see his face, and kiss him as he came.

A little part of him wondered if Harry wanted it this way, to take the pressure off of him a little - which it did - the looks on his face when he started working Harry's delicious looking hole open would have probably paralysed him into changing his mind!

But then, Harry had started making these little noises, clawing the sheets he was laid on, pushing back, grinding on his face, falling apart at the seams...and all under Louis' touch. That was more than enough to spur him on. He could actually do this. As long as his dick didn't let him down at the pivotal moment, Louis was going to give back to Harry as much as he constantly gave to him, he was going to fuck Harry so hard and give it to him so good that he wouldn't be able to remember his own name when they were finished - as long as biology didn't fail him!

"Lou, please!" The desperate whine coming from in front of him, snapped Louis harshly back into reality.

Taking his hard length in one hand, and holding onto Harry's hip with the other, Louis shuffled forward on his knees, until the tip of his dick, was slightly probing Harry's well lubricated entrance.

One little push, Louis watched as the head was swallowed up by Harry, who clawed once more at the sheets, letting out the lowest of groans, pushing back, which only resulted in more of his length disappearing inside.

Louis pretended he was giving Harry a moment after he'd bottomed out, and every inch of him was deep inside his boyfriend - but really, he needed a few second to steady himself - the new sensations overwhelming him to the point of distraction.

He'd had a vague idea of what to expect, but so far even just his expectations of how it would feel to be inside Harry, was nowhere near the level of what he actually felt.

He was so tight as he'd predicted, but he hadn't considered how that small ring of muscle would react to his presence, clenching somewhat erratically around him, as it got used to accommodating the foreign length that was stretching it so obscenely.

"Babe, can you move?" Harry asked, shuffling his hips, trying to encourage his boyfriend in continuing, "Doing so good Lou, feel so close to you"

Louis inhaled and exhaled a deep breath, unsure hands, first going to settle on Harry's waist, then sliding them down to his hips, tightening them there as he heard Harry utter a small grunt of approval.

Hands settled, Louis looked down, shy, uncertain.

"Rock your hips baby" Harry mumbled helpfully from in front of him, "Fuck! Yeah, just, just like that"

Hesitantly, Louis had pulled his hips back, bringing himself out a little way before pushing back in with little force behind it, and it felt.  So.  Good.  

Instantly recognising that this was not the pace to be going at, needing more friction on the part of him that was beginning to hurt from how engorged it had become. He thrusted in and out at lightening speed, Harry groaning in response, low and loud, urging Louis on with garbled compliments and declarations of love, but it was the moans and gasps that were the highest compliment.

Harry's head was bowed, forehead embedded into the sheets, his hair hanging over his face, exposing the back of his lean neck, in such a vaunrable position. He was literally on his hands and knees for Louis, at his mercy.

Louis had the power to tease or just give it to him in the most primal, alpha male way he could muster. Was this how his exes felt when they were pounding into him?

Choosing the latter, a string of explicits cascaded from Harry's lips, Louis thrusting in and out as hard as his hips and knees would allow.

Even though the pleasure in the action itself was overpowering, a red mist was starting to cloud his brain, fogging him from seeing what was directly in front of him, flipping a trigger inside his brain, snapping him out of one reality and into somewhere else entirely.

All around Louis were suddenly the echo's of his past. Mark, Reece, Luke, Mitchell, Ian, even Hollie closed in on him in vapour form, each of them jeering at him, shouting out his faults. Weak! Pathetic! Bad! Disgusting! Cheater! Deceiver! Limp prick! Incestuous!

The words hissed from their mouths, snarls in their faces, obnoxious and arrogant - Mitchell was even fanning himself with a wad of money with an evil smirk playing on his lips.

What was happening to him, why were they here? Were they really here? Could Harry see them? Could Harry hear them? Mark was inches away from Harry's face, bending down and looking intently, reaching out a hand to brush the curls away from his face.

Then, in a puff of smoke, Harry was gone. Evaporated into thin air, leaving Louis terrified and alone, shadows cast by his past falling over his flailing, naked form.

Louis was about to shout out an alarm when the echo's parted, forming two lines either side of him.  His breath hitched as William walked casually between them, stopping at the end of the bed, looking as cool and confident as ever before.

Watching his twin, who was fucking into Harry incessantly without even realising it.  Completely deaf to the sounds he was making Harry cry out, with sobs of the upmost pleasure and delight, every time the head of Louis' cock slammed into his prostate, sending multiple ripples of ecstasy through the younger lad.

"You're heads fucked" William told him with an air of smugness, "I told you that you needed help"

Besides him Mark laughed and slung his arm around William's shoulder as if they were lifelong friends.

"I'm not fucked up" Louis whimpered, his hands flying into his hair, tugging on it in frustration, "I don't need help!"

William tapped his head with his index finger knowingly.

"Emotionally unstable. Emotionally. Mentally. Fucked. Up!"

"I'm not mental! I'm not!" Louis yelled out with a blood curdling shout, almost screaming in fright as Mark's fist snatched at his dick and squeezed it so tightly, not even feeling the aftershock of his orgasm inside his headspace, as the people around him smiled nastily, bearing their teeth, clawed hands outstretched, closing in on him as Louis huddled, cowering, seeing himself from above, holding in a silent scream, as very carefully William bent down so he was level with his brother.

He smiled triumphantly at Louis' fear and discomfort, calmly flicking the last rational part of his brain off the edge and down into the swirling mass of the abyss below.

Harry wasn't expecting Louis to turn so rough during sex, but it wasn't something he was opposed to, as the consistent, jack hammer thrusts were doing incredible things to his insides, making him claw his fingers, almost being flattened by Louis' impatient enthusiasm.

There would be bruises patterned on his hips where Louis' fingers were gripping him so tightly he was almost digging into bone, and he doubted he would be able to walk the next day, but for some reason that only heightened his pleasure to the maximum.

His breathing was laboured, sweat was running down his chest, collecting on his forehead, his impending high getting closer and closer until one final assault to his prostate sent him flying onto cloud nine, shooting his built up load in thick white, loaded spurts onto the bed below him, clenching so hard around Louis and feeling every spasm as his boyfriend reached his climax, coating his insides so deep that it almost felt that Louis had projected right into his chest.

His body slumped forward, catching his breath for a second, waiting for Louis to pull out of him, and wondering how much of Louis he was going to see trickling down his thigh. Instead, he heard a blood curdling scream from directly behind him, Louis' body crashing down on top of his.

"Louis?" Harry gasped, the wind well and truly knocked out of him, his arms and legs feeling like jelly due to the intensity of his orgasm, and more clumsy than usual, managed to turn around, feeling the loss in his posterior as Louis slipped out of him.

Louis was awake, taking short, sharp, shallow breaths, eyes staring blankly upwards, unresponsive to Harry's urgent questions, easing the smaller boy onto his back, he cupped his face as gently as if he was made from glass, trying to check all his vital signs - hell! He didn't even know what he was looking for!

He remembered the promise he'd made himself only yesterday - how he wouldn't push Louis sexually - and now look what he'd done!  He'd ignored all his gut instincts about waiting, he should have known this would end badly!

"Please speak to me baby" Harry begged, placing a hand over Louis' chest to feel how fast his heart was beating, "Just say something! Anything! Please Lou!"

"Harry?" Soulless eyes blinked in his direction.

"Lou? What happened there? What's wrong?" Harry demanded, trying not to sound as worried as he felt.

"It happened again" Louis mouthed, dazed, trying to sit up, looking surprised as Harry's large hand spanned over his chest, gently restricting him from making any more sudden movements.

"What happened again?" Harry asked urgently, "Please tell me baby, did I do something wrong? Did I go too far?"

Louis made a face, screwing up his eyes and his mouth, wincing. "Do you think I'm screwed in the head?"

"Why on Earth would you say that?" Harry exclaimed, hating the defeated expression on his boys face with a passion. Something was definitely wrong here - even that sounded like an understatement!

He watched as the smaller boys eyes drifted suspiciously from left to right.

"Are we alone? They were here. They need to go away!"

Harry took Louis' face in his hands, looking around uncertainly. "Do you mean now?" he asked with caution as Louis nodded animatedly, "Who do you see Lou?" he asked as calmly as possible, so mind numbing confused by this outburst, "Who was here? Do you, do you see them now?" It worried him that Louis had to look around him to make sure, slightly relaxing as he shook his head. "Lou?" he asked, waving his fingers in front of his boys pale face, bringing his attention back to him, "What's going on with you? Who are you seeing? Why were they here?"

"Please don't leave me!" his small voice rang in Harry's ears as little fingers clutched at Harry's bare arms "I need you!"

"I'm not leaving you" Harry promised, feeling more and more dumbstruck by the second, removing Louis' hands, gently bringing one of them up to his mouth to kiss, "I will never leave you. Please tell me what's wrong"

Louis, still completely without clothing, was starting to shiver. It took seconds for Harry to grab a clean pair of boxers, fresh long sleeved t-shirt and some baggy shorts, but a little longer to wrangle Louis' reluctant limbs into them, before relocating them both to the head of the bed, thankful that Louis automatically cuddled into his side, his face instinctively choosing to reside in the crook of his neck.

Not that Harry took this as a sign to relax - who knew what was going to come out of Louis' mouth next. Who knew what he was thinking right now.

They lay in silence for a little while, Louis, fighting against the remanence of the red mist, trying to gather up the courage to speak.

"I had a fight with William"

"Oh Lou!" Harry murmured, feeling a surge of disappointed, he had been so certain that the twins had really been making some good progress together - not that it was at all evident now - from what he'd taken from their photo together, "You looked like you were getting on so well. What happened? Is this why you're here alone?"

"He hates me. He walked out on me"

"Aww Lou, I'm sure it can't be that bad." Harry insisted, although he wasn't feeling very confident, but at this point would say and do anything to make him feel better, "Will idolises you! You're the centre of his world! Everything he does, is always, and has always been done for you!"

He was trying to be comforting, he didn't expect to feel Louis' shoulders start shaking, or the dampness on his shoulder.

"I...I hurt him so badly Harry," Louis quivered, his vision blurring as tears gathered, threatening to spill over his eyelashes. "He told me about the mistakes I'd made over the years, and he was so angry! He told me point by point exactly how badly I'd fucked up his life because of how I handled things, and he's right. I did, and now I don't know what to do!"

Harry continued to watch him closely as he rubbed his eyes, was it just his imagination? Or were parts of his Louis beginning to resurface?

"Did you tell him this?" asked Harry, certain that if Louis had done, it would have helped. William was a sentimental softie when it came to his twin, and even if he had been furious at Louis - for something - Harry was certain that the few remorseful words Louis had just uttered to him would have calmed him down, and make him re-evaluate.

"He left before I could process it" Louis told him with a slight edge to his voice, and Harry instantly kissed his forehead, finally seeing a glimpse of his baby coming back to him, "He told me that I had made some bad choices, that I was emotionally unstable, and then he just walked out and said he 'was done'."

Harry couldn't stop himself, "What did you choose?"

"Do you think I'm emotionally unstable? Would you tell me?"

"Of course I don't think that!" Harry exclaimed, wanting to nip this in the bud before Louis sank back to wherever he had been, "I don't know why you would think that you are, and even less why William would say that?"

"Well, William did." Louis replied quietly, "and I think he's right"

"Why would he...."

"I don't know what to do Harry" Louis interrupted, "Have you ever fucked something up so badly, that you have no idea how you can make things right again? Will was right. I've ruined his life. I was just so concerned about how I was feeling, I didn't even realise what he was doing for me, what he gave up for me. I've been so fucking selfish, and I didn't even realise!" Louis was getting so worked up again, he was beginning to hiccup, clenching his limbs around Harry's frame.

"No baby, I'm sure Will..."

"Harry, listen to me" Louis said helplessly, rolling himself out of Harry's arms, "You can't soothe me out of this! I'm the bad one here! You should be comforting William, not me! I don't deserve you here! If anyone deserves you, it's him!

"Lou? What are you trying to tell me?" Harry asked, fearing he was about to break out into a cold sweat, "What do you think you have done?"

"Do you want to break up with me?" Louis demanded, a spark of fire, flaring his eyes like a salted flame.

"No!" Harry almost bellowed, jumping up and grabbing Louis' shoulders, wanting to shake him out of this, "What is happening to you? Why would you ask me that? Nothing could..."

"If I tell you what I did" Louis continued, drawing his mouth into a tight determined little line, "You will leave me!"

"I do not care what you think you have done" Harry insisted, trying to ignore the icy feeling of dread beginning to freeze his bloodstream, "But there is nothing that you, Louis Tomlinson, could do or say to make me turn around and tell you that I cannot be with you anymore!"

He grabbed Louis' hand and slamming it into his chest. "You feel that?" he asked passionately, "That is my heart beat! As long as it is still beating - and even long after it stops, I will be yours! As long as you want me." he added hesitantly, "Let me prove it to you baby"

"I could have done anything?" Louis scoffed, eyes refilling with tears, taken with the insistence and romance behind the rapid thump, thump, thump, he was feeling against his fingers.

"I'll prove it" Harry fell to his knees, still clutching Louis' little hand over his heart, staring into his big eyes, "I'm not playing a game here Lou. This is it for me. You are everything to me. You could have done anything and I would still want to be with you!"

The words fell past Louis' lips before he even had time to think it over. "I had a sexual relationship with William"


	45. Chapter 45

Louis' words hung in the air, eyes widening in terror at what he had just confessed to.  His chest felt unbelievably tight, his heart pounding like a jackhammer against his rib cage, his head like a broken television, spluttering out static that was just too loud to possibly be contained between his ears, staring into the face of the one person who had ever truly loved him - who in seconds would be throwing him out of his home, and his heart.  

Harry's jaw slackened, the grip on his hand loosened, and his brow creased into a frown of confusion, troubled eyes fixed on Louis' startled ones.

"Eh?" Harry asked, so confused, and starting to think that he was in the middle of a very disturbing dream.  Replaying what Louis said in his head, Harry slightly opened his mouth, then closed it, an unspoken question poised on his lips, keeping his face neutral, fighting his natural instinct to crease his whole face into what he expected would look like a terrifying frown.  None of this made any sense.  What was happening?  What did that even mean?  Had Harry really heard Louis correctly?  Louis and William were having a....no...that was insane!

Harry waited for Louis to say something, waited for him to smirk or roll his eyes.  But he wasn't doing anything, he was just standing there - staring at him, waiting.  Was Louis really expecting a response to that?

Of course he was! Harry had challenged Louis, and Louis had check mated him, saying the worst thing he could think of, to test Harry's love and commitment to him.  

Out of everything he could have said, Louis could have been something a little more realistic - a confession of murder would have been more believable than that - this boy really did get some strange thoughts at times, but this was a new level of ridiculous!

Although, he couldn't quite put his finger on what the cause of it was, but Harry felt uneasy in the pit of his stomach.  Usually he would find such a claim comical, and he knew the two of them would laugh about it, but after what he'd just experienced with Louis - the timing felt off - it wasn't funny, and nothing about Louis' expression or stance was proving otherwise.

Louis was holding his breath.  Harry could tell from how his stomach was drawn in, barely moving, and by how his mouth was clamped tightly shut.  He looked petrified, and so upset that he was past the point of tears.

Harry felt so lost, so concerned, so utterly helpless that he had no idea what was going on in his boyfriend's head that was making him act and speak in such a disturbing fashion.  He watched as Louis sucked in a shuddering, shallow breath, sounding more rasping than anything else.  He looked so small standing there, so fragile, and so distant.  Harry was looking right into Louis' eyes, but he was no longer looking back - even though he was staring straight at him - and it reminded him of a memory of William's he had been told - Louis' eyes looking like death lights.  Empty, soulless, numbing Harry to the core.

Squeezing Louis' hand which he was still pressing against his, now rapidly beating heart, Harry croaked out Louis' name.  Then once more when he didn't get a response.  Had he gone into shock or something?  Either way, Harry had no idea what to do other than call for an ambulance.

"Louis?  Baby?  Can you hear me?" Harry asked softly, but urgently, gently slipping a hand around Louis' waist, whilst gripping the one on his chest, "I'm going to pick you up ok?"

Dropping his forearm to the back of Louis' knees, Harry got unsteadily to his feet, scooping Louis up into his arms and taking him back to their bed, laying him down gently on his side, watching as Louis' blue eyes flickered but made no sign of seeing anything, as Harry fumbled in his trousers on the floor for his phone, intent on ringing the NHS helpline for advice, when Louis let out a little moan, raising two curled hands to his eyes to hide his face.

"Baby?" Harry asked quickly, at Louis' side in an instant, "Lou?  Are you ok?"

Louis was rubbing his eyes hard with his fingers, a sign that Harry was relieved to recognise instantly.  It explained nothing, but Harry had seen this sight enough times to know that Louis had a bad headache.

"Baby, you'll make it worse" he warned, taking hold of Louis' tiny wrists with the tips of his fingers and thumbs, prising them away from his face.

"Hurts" Louis mumbled, allowing Harry to take his hands in his own.

"Stay right here baby" Harry soothed, stroking his burning hot forehead with a cool hand, "I'll go and get you some water"

"And tablets" Louis mumbled, burying his head in a pillow and wrapping his arms around it.

Harry paused at the doorway, contemplating.

"You haven't already had some have you?" He asked, remembering Louis' accidental overdose, and feeling relived when Louis shook his head in a slight 'no'.

Moving fast on his feet, Harry pounded down to the kitchen, squeezing past a pile of boxes and bags in the middle of the living room floor, and grabbed Louis' favourite travel mug (a One Direction version of course) and filled it with filtered water from the fridge (Louis refused to drink water from the tap, unless it had been boiled first), rummaging in the first aid box to find Louis' favoured headache medication - which was much stronger than the painkillers Harry took, but there was a slight muscle relaxant in them that never failed to ease Louis into a deep relaxed sleep, and maybe that would be the best thing for him now.

Louis whined like anything when Harry got back to the bedroom, helping him sit up in bed, almost pushing the two small yellow tablets past his lips, followed by the straw of his travel mug and insisting he drank all of its contents before settling down again.  When it came to keeping his body hydrated, Louis was a complete nightmare, and would go for hours and hours without a single sip of water - which usually led to bad headaches - so Harry wouldn't be surprised if this had happened again to contribute to this one.

"How are you feeling?" Harry asked his boyfriend, slowly easing him down onto the bed once more, stroking his fringe away from his forehead, still puzzled and shaken by the events, and wondering what on earth he should be doing to be more useful.

"You're still here?"

It hurt that Louis sounded so surprised, even in his near drowsy state, his little fingers loosely curling around his wrist, gazing up at him with fretful hooded eyes.

"I'm not leaving you" Harry murmured, pressing a kiss to his hair, "I said I'd help you and I will.  Get some sleep now baby"

"But I said that..."

"Don't care" Harry insisted bluntly, "I'm not leaving you.  We'll talk about it when you wake up and feel better"

"But I..."

Harry shushed him, coaxing the smaller boy onto his back, curling himself around him, singing softly and stroking his hair.  Louis didn't open his eyes, or say another word, and soon enough his breathing evened out as he drifted off to sleep.

Harry watched him with sad, confused eyes, so worried about how serious Louis' actions over the past few hours actually were.  It almost felt as though there were two Louis'.  There was the sweet, sexy, little bundle of excitement and happiness that Harry just adored with each and every particle that made him.  

But then there was the other Louis.  The darker, frightened, insecure Louis.  He dissolved into hysterical fits and tears without warning, all the while verbally and physically abusing himself, saying things Harry didn't understand and just didn't connect to the boy that he loved, and couldn't see how Louis could begin to even think these things about himself - let alone get himself in such a state where he'd physically throw up from the rush of negative emotions that seemed to spring out of nowhere and turn his baby into some kind of possessed, distressed creature that Harry was beginning to recognise too often.

And as hard as he tried, he just didn't understand.  And it hurt.  It hurt and worried him to the core.  Louis had asked him if he thought that Harry found him 'emotionally unstable'.  The more Harry dwelled on the question, the more he tried to analyse the reactions - made harder, by the fact that he still didn't know the cause - the more he regretfully came to the conclusion, that Louis did have some kind of deep rooted problem that he just couldn't help with.

If only he could figure out what the trigger was.  But there were too many options - and they were the only ones that he believed he knew about.  He wasn't even 100% sure if Louis actually had been raped like he'd concluded - knowing would at least give him some kind of prompt as how to go forward, and sex was definitely part of it.  Louis had freaked out whilst he was inside Harry, whilst they were in the act, leaving Harry feel guilty and responsible.  It had been clear from their first time that Louis and sex had not enjoyed a happy relationship in the past, and depending on what extent, determined what action Harry would need to take.

Louis whimpered slightly in his sleep, his hands twitching where they still clung onto Harry's forearm that lay across his chest.  Even in his sleep he seemed scared that Harry was going to up and leave.  Why did he keep thinking that Harry would leave him?  He kept saying that he'd been bad, that he'd been disgusting, that if Harry found out what he had done, he would leave Louis.

Harry racked his brain, trying to remember every little thing that Louis had ever said to him, every little reaction he'd had.  Everything led back to the symptoms of someone who had been badly traumatised by an event, and rape was definitely something you would be traumatised over.  Victims often blamed...Harry felt his face involuntarily crease up at the realisation, having to physically clench his jaw shut to prevent him from growling out of fury.

Louis blamed himself.

Louis had convinced himself somewhere along the line that what had happened to him was his fault.  This was deep, emotional stuff, and no matter how much he wanted to - Harry wasn't able to give Louis the help that he desperately needed...this had been going on far too long...and he wasn't blind!  Louis was quickly deteriorating before his very eyes...the panic attacks, fits of hysteria, possible hallucinations...how he wished he could track down the fucker who did this!

"I'm so sorry baby" he whispered, cradling Louis a little closer to him and brushing his hair softly with his lips, "We're going to get through this, I promise" 

But what was the right thing to do?  There was no doubt that Louis needed professional help, and Harry had no problem with that part.  He would search far and wide, and spend what ever it took to get his Louis to stop tormenting himself.  It was how to get there that was the problem.  How would he even address this?

He groaned.  He had to have made that call to William.  He had to drop that bombshell on him.  William must have confronted Louis about what Harry had told him, and Louis had responded badly.  Poor William, and poor Louis!  He couldn't imagine how they were both feeling. 

But why had William left?  He wouldn't have just walked out on Louis over such a painful topic, and from what Louis had said about their interaction, nothing that Louis had said, even related to the situation in the slightest!  

According to Louis, William had told him he'd made mistakes, how he'd ruined his life, that he was emotionally unstable...or had he?  It didn't sound like William in the slightest.  But then again, Louis wasn't exactly sounding like himself either.... a sexual relationship with William?  Harry could sort of grasp at straws as to why he would say that in order to test Harry, but....his head was spinning once more...had it even stopped?  

He was just going to have to ask William straight out, and then call in the cavalry!

 

After William had stormed out on Louis, he hadn't left the house straight away.  It went against every instinct inside him to leave his brother behind, alone and hurting, so he'd loitered on the stairs, clasping his head in his hands, trying to force himself to believe that he was fine, listening to his twin howling and telling himself in his head, that Louis deserved to cry those tears after he'd royally fucked him over!

Noises from downstairs, drew him out of his bitter thoughts.  There was no doubt that it was Michael, dutifully helping Louis move his stuff in.  

Shit!  What if Michael came upstairs and saw Louis in that state...and him shirtless, after throwing his t-shirt at Louis and storming off...that could start all sorts of problems.

Spying one of Harry's hoodies hanging over the banister, William grabbed it, and shrugged it on, wiping his face on the sleeve, and hoping that for once, Michael would take him at face value - or rather, believe the mask he was about to put on.

He met Michael at the front door, as he staggered over the threshold with a large cardboard box, and hurried to grab the bottom of it before Michael tripped over his own feet.

"Thanks" Michael huffed, allowing William to take some of the weight and steady himself, "About time you two gave me a hand!  I've got a full car load to unpack" he grumbled good naturally.

William cleared his throat uncomfortably.

"Louis' sleeping" he lied, "said he's not feeling well and could we move his stuff later?"

"Oh?" Michael asked, setting the box on the floor and wiping his forehead on the back of his hand, "Maybe I should go check on him"

"He's fine!" William rushed to tell him, jumping in front of the stairs to block Michael from going up them, "You know what Lou's like when he has a headache, he..."

"Oh he's got a headache?" Michael asked, looking relieved that there was an actual cause, instead of just some random bout of sickness, "Ok.  Well, how about if we move what I've already put in the car, and then you and I go to your mums and sort out the rest?"

William nodded and darted out to the car, wanting to just shove the stuff inside the house as soon as possible so he could get out of there - just knowing how his twin was upstairs was driving him to distraction as each time he thought of his twin, a new wave of hurt and anger flooded through his veins, turning them into live wires.

Thankfully, Michael was a fast mover, and the multiple boxes filled with the life of Louis quickly filled up the living room.  Larry and Stylinson, who were easily excitable darted around their feet, yapping happily and begging for tummy tickles and attention as the two went back and forth from the car.

"Should we take them with us?" Michael asked, eyeing the two who had began to squabble playfully at his feet, "They might start barking the place down if we leave them, and I don't want Lou to feel worse"

William nodded, scooping them up in his arms, whilst Michael scribbled a quick note explaining where they were and sticking it to the wall at the bottom of the stairs.  William visibly cringed when he saw the "hope you feel better", knowing it would raise questions later...then again, what did he care?  It wasn't like he was going to be coming back here any time soon!  As far as he was concerned, he didn't want to be in the same room as Louis ever again!

A lump formed in his throat, he hid his face in one of the puppies soft fur.

"I've salvaged your breakfast" Michael reported, coming out from the kitchen with a large covered dish, "Don't worry about Lou" he said comfortingly, misreading for once, William's sad expression, "It's just a headache.  He'll sleep it off, and I'm sure he'll text you when he's feeling better"

William nodded, playing along.  What Michael didn't know wouldn't hurt him, and then he realised.  Saying goodbye to his twin was gut wrenching and painful as it was, but he'd also be leaving behind his new friends - who were ultimately Louis'.  

Amy, Charlotte, Michael...probably even Harry...his new life was evaporating before his very eyes.  He wouldn't be able to work with Harry and the boys again, so his career would have to go in another direction.  It all came down to one point.  He just didn't have a life without Louis in it.  Everything in his life revolved around his twin like the planets revolved around the sun.  Louis was his sunshine, and like a plant kept in a dark box, without him, William felt like he was just going to slowly wither and die.

"Are you all right?" Michael asked him as they got into the car together, "You look a bit pale"

"Just hungry" William lied, taking a huge mouthful of his warm bacon roll, "You know what?" he said suddenly,   "I promised a mate I'd go see them whilst I'm here, do you mind if we rain check on this whole moving thing?  I don't really want to be rooting around Louis' stuff without him there anyway"

Michael shrugged, once again, in his good natured way "Want me to drop you anywhere?"

"It's nearby" William told him, "I'll walk"

"Do you want to take these little guys?" Michael asked, William internally groaning.  He couldn't take the puppies, if he took them, he'd have to bring them back, and he had disappearing to organise!

"My mates allergic" lying was becoming too naturally to him.  The more serious the cause, the more convincing his mask was apparently.  

 

He watched Michael drive off, making sure he was a safe distance away before he walked off in the opposite direction, pulling the hood of his sweatshirt high over his head.  It would be just his luck to get caught, just as he was planning on leaving.

For the last two years, William had held a secret.  One that he had kept from his mum, his grandparents, Harry, and especially Louis - being that he didn't actually live in Cardiff like he'd had everyone believe, in fact, he lived a lot closer to his family than they could have imagined - six roads away to be exact.

He knew that he wanted to be closer to home ever since Louis had been admitted to hospital that night from his almost fatal overdose.  Who knew what could happen in the future?  What if it was too late next time?  What if something else happened and he didn't make it home in time because he lived so far away?  He knew his mum and his grandparents would love it if he lived near them, but then there was Louis - who was still failing to even give him the time of day.  Maybe by the time he could afford something, they would be talking again, things could change, he just had to keep believing, he just had to keep trying.

It was a month after William had slipped the lyrics of Moments to Harry that his best friend had excitedly called him, informing him that the lyrics and music he had sent him had been recorded, and that the song was so good that it was going to be added to a special edition of their debut album "Up All Night".  William had been ecstatic!  One Direction were massive sellers already, and with this version of the album being released just in time for Christmas, he could just imagine the royalties rolling in!  This could be just the boost that his savings account needed for that special purchase he was dreaming about buying!

"What's more!"  Harry had enthused over the phone, almost bubbling with excitement, "Everyone is so impressed with the song, they want you to properly work with us on our next album!  What do you think?  You have to be up for that!  I've heard your stuff, and it's so amazing Will, please work with us!"

"That would be incredible!"  William had replied, almost unable to take it all in, "Are you serious?"

"How could I lie to you about something like this!" Harry had shot back accusingly, "You know how much I love what you write, the boys love Moments, and well, I might have played them a few of your demos..."

"You didn't tell them that it's me did you?" William asked worriedly, thinking once again about Louis and the implications it could have if it was his name all over the credits of a band that he now knew through his mum, that Louis adored.

"No Ed I didn't say a word" William could almost see Harry roll his eyes, "I'm not going to break your confidence any time soon, unless you tell me otherwise.  But I really think you'd get more out of this if you would just be yourself.  The boys for one thing, they really want to meet you and...."

"Harry..."

"Ok,ok" Harry groaned, "We'll play it your way.  I just think that you're over complicating things"

"I know what I'm doing" William assured him, not feeling confident at all, but still convinced this was the best thing for himself and Louis in the long run, "Now, how are we going to do this?"

"I've got some time off next week"  Harry offered, "If you've got any masterpieces on the go, we could have a bit of a recording session and take something back to the others?"

"Sounds like a plan" William had nodded, thinking of two or three pieces he'd almost finished.

They chatted for a little longer, Harry telling him about the astounding reality that was now his life, from the screaming girls, to the lucrative deals put in front of them on a daily basis, to the schedules for months in advance with talk of video shoots, signings, tours, tv appearences - it was extraordinary to remember that only a little while ago, no one even knew who Harry Styles and the rest of One Direction actually were!

"Thank you so much for letting us have Moments," Harry said softly just before they said goodbye, "I know how important the song is to you.  It means a lot that you've trusted us to sing it for you"

"I wouldn't have it any other way" William told Harry thickly.

"But you could have released that as your debut single" Harry argued, "It's such an amazing song, and you have such an amazing voice - I don't understand why you're hiding it.  As a singer song writer, you would be so successful"

"Say's you" William retorted, thinking of the lovely little melodies and lyrics that Harry often came up with himself, "When I see more of your name on the credits, I'll think about doing something for just me"

"As Ed Sheeran?"

"That's me!" William chirped, looking at a picture of himself and Louis that he had stuck onto his fridge, reminding him of exactly why he was hiding his true self professionally for.  If anyone was worth not receiving proper credit for, it was his brother.  As long as his brother was safe, William could live his whole career in the shadows.

Just as he had predicted, the royalties for Moments alone were quite substantial.  Being the sole writer on the track, earned him maximum earnings, and it only made them more substantial - on the verge of ludicrous when you added to sales, extras from radio play and performances from the first One Direction official tour.  Some people who had already brought the standard edition of 'Up All Night', purchased 'Moments' on its own, making it one of highest paid for tracks on the entire album!  It was such a proud moment for William, and yet bittersweet in its way, because there was nobody he could tell.  It was no surprise that a few months later, he spilled his own secret after drunkenly listening to Niall, Zayn and Nick Grimshaw speak so highly of this mysterious 'Ed Sheeran".  As it turned out, he did want a little bit of recognition after all.

It was all worth it though, when he finally earned enough money to put a deposit down on an actual house in his home town - secretly mind.  Not even Harry knew about this one!  

For a little while, he had considered telling at least Harry about it, but ultimately decided against it.  It would have been one thing if he had been planning on telling his mum and Louis, but because he wasn't - it just felt like he was doing something creepy and weird - even if in his mind he knew he only had Louis' best intentions at heart, either everyone knew, or no one knew.

Besides.  Louis could change his mind any day now.  For all he knew, they could be talking again tomorrow, and he'd be able to tell Louis himself.  He wasn't gong to give up hope.  He wasn't going to stop trying.  Louis just needed space.  He just needed to recover.  Everything was going to be fine, William just needed to be patient and wait for his twin to put the past behind him.

 

Just like the news about how successful 'Moments' had been, William was bursting to tell everyone that he was now officially a home owner in his home town, instead of pretending to rent a flat in Cardiff, which he still did to keep up appearances - luckily it was fairly cheap, and because he was never there, the utility bills were practically non existent.

At first he had worried that he was going to get caught.  He only lived a few roads away from his family for goodness sake.  What if they saw him out and about?  But it was surprisingly simple - he just got really good at hiding.  The modern convinces of the world today really were a God send.  He could get his weekly shop delivered straight to his door and buy anything else that he needed through the internet and delivered by post.  Talking to his mum on a daily basis helped him to plan where he could go and where he couldn't on various days, and his house had an attached garage so he could hide his car - not that anyone knew he had a car of course.  Working from home made it easier, as did going to visit Harry in London because of fitting in with his busy schedule.  Of course there were times when he had to go to Cardiff for a few days to keep up his pretence with Harry where he lived, usually for his birthday which Harry had always made a point of visiting for, and then always a mad dash to travel home again - but it had always been worth it - the hope of reconciliation had always been worth it.  Now every one of those hopes had gone up in flames.

The house would be sold now.  He'd go back to Cardiff - for a little while, then he'd look in to relocating - where?  He had no idea.  But it was going to be soon.  It really was over.

 

William was laying on his bed, angry tears staining his cheeks, staring at the ceiling when his phone chimed next to him.  A text from Harry.

Harry:  Did you talk to Louis about what we spoke about on the phone the other day?  I'm seriously worried about his mental health!

William:  What do you mean?  What's going on?

Harry:  Louis says you upset him.  Did you?  What have you said to him?  He's in a right state and he keeps banging on about how much you've told him that he's fucked up your life, and this "bad thing" he's done!  I think he was even hallucinating!  Promise me you didn't say anything to hurt him this badly?  He said something about you and him.  This is so hard to repeat, but i think it proves where his frame of mind is right now.  He said that you both had a sexual relationship.  I thought he was testing me, but that's just wrong!  Why would he say that?!

 

Harry gulped as he relaxed his hand, breathing out heavily, then quickly peering into Louis' face to make sure he was still sleeping.  He didn't blame William in the slightest for taking a long time to reply to that message.

Once again he went into his phone, opening a new message.

To:  Liam, Niall, Zayn:  Hey, hope you've all had a great Christmas!  Any chance you can come down to mine?  Something's going on with Louis, and I don't know how to help him.  Obviously I understand if you can't. H x

He was closing the screen once more, when his phone flashed with a new message from William.

William:  I was afraid of this happening again.  It's all bullshit Harry!  I've barely seen him today!  We went for a walk and when we got back he went to bed with a headache and I left straight away with Michael! He was absolutely fine with me!  You know I would never upset him!  And if he was upset I wouldn't just leave him! Is he ok now?!  Tell me he's ok Harry!!

Harry:  Again?  This has happened before?!  When!  Why didn't you tell me?!

William:  The last time he almost died...Harry I promise, I don't know why he would lie to you like that...unless he actually thinks it's real and it actually happened....

Harry squeezed Louis tightly to him.  He didn't want to let his boy out of his sight ever again.  In his sleep Louis twitched, a small frown pinching his eyebrows, letting out a small whimper.

"It's ok baby, I've got you" Harry murmured, fluttering barely there kisses over his face, holding him so securely, "You're always safe with me.  I promise."

 

William paced his bedroom as would a caged tiger.  This was not happening.  This was seriously not happening!

Louis had told Harry!  Actually told Harry!  What could William do apart from respond to his automatic reflex to lie?  What more had Louis said?  Was it just that?  Harry said he was hulluncinating.  Was he?  Was it because of the cruel home truths that William had attacked his twin with?  Had he really sent him over the edge?

He yelled out loud in pain as he angrily kicked out at the rack he kept his weights on, and the corner dug sharply into the fleshy part of his ankle.  

How was he going to disappear now?  If he just fucked off back to Cardiff now it would look as suspicious as anything, and guilt was beginning to creep in.  Guilt and fear.  He'd told Harry a massive lie.  A massive lie that made Louis sound like he was verging on loosing his mind!  But Harry had said it was wrong, what would Harry have done if he had admitted that it had happened?  William couldn't chance it.  He was still furious with Louis for what he'd found out today, but, as always his love for his twin was so much deeper, and his protection instincts had never been stronger.

He had a few hours to come up with an alibi he reasoned, mentally apologising to his brother for what he was about to do to him.

Then it struck him.  There was one thing he'd done today that he wouldn't be able to lie his way out of.  He'd left something behind at Louis' house - which if found, would either arise suspicions of an argument, or make Louis' claim seem less of a hallucination and more like reality.  Why had he thrown his t-shirt at his twin?  More importantly, how was he going to get it back? 

How ironic that the item he had looked upon as a lifeline, was about to be his downfall.


	46. Chapter 46

Louis awoke the next morning, disoriented and confused.  He hadn't expected to feel Harry's arms around him - when did he get here?  Wasn't he meant to be at his mums?

Shifting on to his side, Louis felt a rush of love and affection as he watched his boyfriend sleep, curled up on his side, his mouth slightly open - the definition of peace and harmony, and so beautiful that it made Louis' heart leap.  

How was it possible that they were so in tune with each other that Louis could wish for him, and Harry would just turn up - just when Louis needed him the most.

An incessant knocking from somewhere downstairs was starting to irritate him.  And the worst thing was, he couldn't even block it out!

Very carefully, he slid out of from under Harry's arm, quietly making his way downstairs.  The knocking had stopped, but there was now a small sound of jangling keys, one of which was now turning in the door!

Backing up slowly, unaware than anyone had a key to their house, Louis' eyes widened in apprehension as the door clicked open, the handle turned, and a face appeared in the opening.

"Liam?" Louis asked, feeling like he should rub his eyes in disbelief, "What are you doing here?"

"Hey buddy!"

Liam's face broke into a smile, not seeming to remember that they had only briefly met once before, as he dropped his bag on the floor, shut the door behind him, and went in for the hug.

"How are you Lou?  Harry still sleeping?"

He clapped Louis on the back, a little too firmly for his 'just woken up state' making Louis cough a little - nodding in reply to Liam's question through watery eyes.

"Sorry mate" Liam was quick to notice his slight error, looking around to take in his surroundings, then taking off to fetch Louis some water.

"Harry invited me to see his new place" Liam explained, "hang out with you guys for a little before work starts again.  Yeah, coffee will be great" He replied, as Louis, still looking sleepy, pointed to first a canister of tea, then one full of coffee.

"Nice place you've got here" Liam observed, looking around him happily, "Just moved in have you?" He eyed the pile of boxes and bags.  Louis looking at them, only seeing them for the first time, and wondering how all his stuff got there.  Had he helped with that?  

Liam chatted through the silence as Louis waited for the kettle to boil, when a muffled yell sounded from upstairs, followed by a soft thump, which would have probably sounded louder if you had been on the floor directly below the master bedroom, instead of two floors lower.

Pounding footsteps.  Then.

"Louis!" Harry arrived at the doorway, breathing hard, completely disheveled, looking wildly around him for his smaller boyfriend, then breathing a long sigh of relief when he caught sight of him.

"Thought you'd left!" He groaned, at Louis side in an instant, wrapping his arms tightly around his slighter frame and cuddling him tightly, rubbing his nose and lips into his soft hair, "Why didn't you wake me?  I would have got you something? Are you feeling ok?"

Liam coughed. Harry swung around in surprise, taking Louis with him.

From where Louis was positioned, he couldn't see the thankful expression that highlighted his boyfriends face, or see him mouth the words "thank you" as he recognised his band mate.

"Zayn's here too" Liam reported back, watching as Harry fussed and petted over Louis' hair lovingly, "He's gone to see Will."

At the sound of Will's name, Louis sagged in Harry's arms.  Feeling a fresh bout of emotional nausea prod at his gag reflex.  William.  Everything that his twin had said to him.  Every painful word came flooding back.

Two sets of hands grabbed at him, steadying him before he crumpled to the floor, Liam jumping off of the settee and helping Harry lay him down on it.  Eyes screwed up, feeling nothing except his inner turmoil.

"This is why I asked you to be here" Harry muttered to Liam, flustered and frowning, referring to the text he had sent to the boys the day before, "I really don't know what to do"

Liam frowned as he looked at Louis, eyes tightly shut, his face pained.  He patted Harry's back reassuringly.

"Anytime mate" he insisted in a low whisper, "We'll figure something out.  I'll go see where Z's got to, he'll hang out with Lou, then you and I can have a little chat"

A knock on the door startled them, then a key in the lock.

"Hello?" Zayn called from the front door, "Anybody home?"

Louis' eyes popped open, recognising Zayn's voice instantly, his face heating, palms sweating with embarrassment, as not only was Harry witnessing his little panic, but also two of One Direction!  He only needed Niall to show up and he'd be completely mortified!

Harry hurried to usher his other mate in, feeling that little bit more relieved at the additional back up.  Zayn was standing at the front door though, looking outwards, like he was waiting for something.  Harry asked.

"Will just had to go back for his mums for something" Zayn replied, casually, opening his arms, inviting Harry to have a hug with a quirk of his finger tips, "thought I'd just come on in, he's been ages"

Harry poked his head out of the door, looked left and right, shrugged and retracted, shutting the door behind them.

Thankful to see that Liam had Louis' attention distracted with some pictures on Liam's phone, Harry went to resume his position at his boyfriends side leaving Zayn to take his jacket off and hang it up.

The door knocked again, conveniently answered by Zayn.

At the sound of his voice, Louis froze.  Was his brother really here?  Was he trying to make Louis feel worse than he already did?  Would he talk to him?  Look at him?  Would he blank him in front of Harry and two out of three people he really needed to impress, which he was currently failing miserably!

Eyes fixed on the floor, he reached for Harry's hand, squeezing it tightly, not wanting to look up, but something inside him urged him to get up - just in case he needed to make a run for it!

He heard William chatting excitedly with Zayn, heard Liam join in, then, lastly, Harry.

"Hey Lou"

It wasn't the tone, Louis was expecting.  It was warm, friendly - classic William trying really hard to be Louis' brother again.

Swallowing hard, Louis raised his head and stared at William in surprise.  

The last time he'd seen his twin, he was standing at the bottom of his bed with Mark...but that was impossible.  He knew that was impossible - that he had most definitely imagined!  But rest of it had been real...

"How's your head Boo?" He heard him ask kindly, stepping forward slowly, stretching his arms out for a hug.  

It was wrong!  

It was all wrong!  

They'd had a fight!  William had walked out on him!  Memories bombarded his brain with force, this was why Harry was home!  Because he'd called him asking him for help because William had called him emotionally unstable and got angry because he'd found out about Reece's link to Mark!  Now he was here, acting like nothing had happened!

"You hate me"

Louis' words were muffled in the neck of William's hoodie.

"What?" William asked surprised, with an air of concern, pulling back out of their embrace and holding Louis out in front of him.  He exchanged a dark look with Harry, who bit his lip and looked uncomfortable, "Why would you say that Lou?  Are you feeling ok?"

Louis looked over at Harry, who was standing with Liam, his expression a little pained.

"We...you said that...you left" Louis stuttered, suddenly very aware that four pairs of eyes were staring at him without amusement.

"Yeah, you didn't feel well" William told him slowly, in the type of voice you would speak to a toddler, "You said you had a headache, so I left you to sleep it off.  Lou, what's wrong?  Do you remember something differently?"

Louis faltered.  He couldn't remember that happening at all!  He remembered having a headache last night...when he had been with Harry!  Harry had looked after him!  After he had told him that...fuck!  After he had told him about him and William!  Wildly he spun around to face Harry, who hurried over to him instantly.

"It's ok baby" he was saying, grabbing hold of his shoulders to steady him as he felt his knees begin to buckle, "Whatever you remember, it's ok.  All of us..." he indicated to Liam, William and Zayn, "We're all here for you and we love you very much" he led Louis to sit down on the settee, sitting besides him and pulling them into his side.

"What do you remember about yesterday baby?" he asked quietly, "It's ok if it feels confusing.  Take as long as you need"

Louis frowned.  Why was Harry talking to him like a child?  Why was Liam and Zayn looking at him like he had grown an extra head?  Why was William here at all after all he had said to him yesterday?

"We walked the dogs and ran into someone" Louis recalled thinking hard.  Frowning harder when William subtly shook his head in denial.

"We walked the dogs yes" he told the group slowly, "But we didn't see anyone"

"We did!" Louis squeaked, outraged and animated, his face heating up instantly as he absorbed William's lie, "We saw Reece!  He spoke to us!" his eyes darted to look at Harry, then back at his twin, "You know he did!  Why are you lying?"

William wasn't looking at Louis though, he was looking at Harry as though his heart was breaking from within.

"Who's Reece?" he asked complately puzzled, "I was with you the whole time and you didn't see anyone you knew" he scraped his fingers down his face, "Was this before or after you felt ill?" He asked finally, approaching his twin and squatting down in front of him.

"What?" Louis would have shot out of his seat, "But Harry's arms were holding him tightly so he couldn't move, "I wasn't ill!  I was fine!  Ok, I was shocked because I saw him, but I was fine!  We walked home...and then..."

"You went to bed because you were feeling ill" William reminded him gently, "You got a headache at the park and you got really disoriented, I had to help you home"

"No!" Louis raged, kicking out at William with his feet, making him scoot quickly backwards, "You fucking liar!  You're just saying this to get out of what you said to me afterwards!  You're putting this all on for Harry!" he turned to Harry who's expression was pure anguish, struggling to keep him stationary, "He's lying!" He insisted, "He told me I was fucked up and unstable", watching his twin for a reaction, "He said that I ruined his life and he was done with me!" he gasped in a breath,   We were upstairs in our room!" He remembered turning to Harry with a sudden burst of inspiratioin "You know the t-shirt I gave him"

Harry nodded slowly, wanting to give Louis his undivided attention, but not being able to help from glancing at William cautiously.

"He took it off and chucked it at me before he left!  It's still going to be there!"

Feeling triumphant, Louis went to get up, to storm up stairs and throw that stupid shirt in his twins face!  

But he didn't even have the chance to leave the living room.

William had stood up.  He was slowly unzipping the hoodie he was wearing, revealing a black t-shirt with the word "Family" etched across the front.

"You mean this shirt?" He asked choked up and quiet.

Static filled Louis' ears.  Time seemed to be turning in slow motion.  He looked at the logo, up at William's concerned and sad expression, back to the logo, up at Harry who was resembling a man who had no idea where he was or what he was looking at.

"How?" he asked William desperately, feeling raw and painfully exposed as he suddenly remembered that Liam and Zayn were watching him from a safe distance, wearing identical furrowed expressions.

"You threw it at me!  You left!  You left it by my feet!  You know you did!" Louis spluttered, shrilly, verging on hysteria, escaping Harry's tightened grip on his arms, lunging at his twin with clawed fingers, "Why are you doing this to me!  You're making me sound insane!"

"Lou!  Stop!" Harry pleaded, grabbing thin air as Louis wriggled out of his grasp.

But Louis was looking like a man possessed, eyes flashing, nostrils flaring, flying at William who instantly cowered away, shielding his face with his arms, taking whatever Louis threw at him, letting him beat him with his fists until Harry had managed to get his arms around his hysterical boyfriend, and drag him backwards, almost wrestling him to the floor.

Whilst Zayn hovered awkwardly, Liam went straight to William, offering his hand to help him up off the floor.  He went to fuss over William's bust lip, but the boy shrugged him off, licking his lip and making a face as the metallic taste.  For someone who had just been attacked, he looked remarkably calm, approaching his twin straight away, his hand outstretched as though he was approaching a vicious animal that needed soothing.

"It's ok Boo" he said carefully, "It's not your fault, you just...."

"Get out!" Louis yelled out, eyes bulging out of their sockets, fighting limply against Harry, watching with tear filled eyes as Liam and Zayn closed in on William, ready to pull him out of harms way, should Louis go for him again.

"Nobody thinks you're insane Lou" William carried on, ignoring Harry's look of 'I think you should leave'

"Why aren't you defending me?" 

Louis rounded on Harry "Do you actually believe him?  You do don't you!  Why don't you believe me?"

"Baby you need to calm down" Harry insisted, taking his chin in his hand, and directing it his way, demonstrating deep breaths, attempting to encourage his boyfriend to do the same.

But Louis refused to be calmed.  He had gone from being outraged, to terrified.  He was so certain it hadn't happened that way!  William had rightfully yelled at him, rightfully walked out on him...or had he?  After all, he'd had hullcinations before...was this what had happened?  The memory of his version of events was so clear and tangible in his mind...but William was wearing his t-shirt...and he arrived at the same time as Zayn had...

He looked over at where William was still standing, watching him sadly, then at Harry who looked so worried, it scared Louis even more.

The room fell silent.  Louis slumped in Harry's arms exhausted, trying to piece everything together.  Nothing added up!

He didn't realise that his phone was ringing, until Harry carefully retracted it the pocket of his shorts and handed it to him hesitantly.  

"Michael Calling"

The need to hear the voice of someone who always believed in him, felt strong.

"Lou?" Michael's lilting Irish accent filled his ears, as comforting as hot chocolate on a cold day.  He swallowed a lump on his throat, Harry made him feel like that too...

"Hey" Louis muttered flatly, now he's answered the phone he wasn't really in the mood to talk.

"How you feeling kiddo?" Michael asked, Louis could hear yapping in the background, "Has your headache gone?  Hope you didn't mind me taking the pups, but I was worried they would bark and wake you up"

The faint buzzing between Louis' ears amplified, as the weight of Michael's words sunk into his nervous system.  William may lie to his face, but Michael wouldn't.  Michael was as honest and trustworthy as they came.  If he said that Louis was ill, Louis really had been ill!  

So why couldn't he remember?  Why had he blocked it out?  Did this mean that what William was saying was true?  Had he imagined seeing Reece?  Had he really made up the argument he'd had with his twin in his head?  He knew that William had thrown his shirt at him!  He could still feel the thick material slam against his cheek, falling to his feet...but now he was wearing it.  Just like he'd never taken it off!

"I can't do this" Louis muttered, a fresh wave of tears gathering in his eyes, shoving the phone out in front of him, and feeling someone take it from his flimsy grasp.

What the hell was wrong with him?

He thought he was able to tell from the ghosts he saw in his head, to the ones that were actually there in reality, but this just threw his whole belief system out of whack!  

He could hear Harry, talking to him quietly, soothing him, trying to calm him down and stop the limb tingling shivers jolting through his spine.  

Not saying a word, Louis firmly de tangled himself from Harry's loving hands, looking right into his beautiful jade eyes that seemed to hold all the answers except for this one, and held his gaze, until he stifled a small sob and fled upstairs.

Harry went to follow him, but someone stuck a hand out and stopped him.

"I'll go," Zayn told him quietly, "Perfect time for you three to have a little chat"

Harry looked guilty that he wasn't the one to go and comfort his baby, but Zayn was right.  This was the perfect oportunity to properly talk about the problems he was experiencing with his boyfriend.  Although he was positive that this would need longer than a snatched conversation. 


	47. Chapter 47

The room was so tiny, it could almost feel chlostrophobic instead of cosy.

Sat in an overstuffed comfortable arm chair, Louis' eyes travelled distrustfully over the soft furnishings and pretty pictures and ornaments that had been crammed into the space.  The clock ticked, ominously loud, reminding him that even though he was stationary, the world around him was still turning as though nothing was wrong.

For the last few days, life had slipped past Louis without him really noticing.

 

After he had fled upstairs, grabbing his lighter and a packet of cigarettes, taking up his position on the balcony, he had been so caught up in his thoughts, and concentrating so hard on inhaling and exhaling the chemicals he craved, he hadn't noticed that Zayn had joined him, sitting beside him on the balcony quietly, until he had fumbled in the packet for his eighth cigarette, jumping with alarm as a warm hand gently closed around his wrist, another removing the packet from his grasp.

"I think you might want to stop now," Zayn had murmured calmly without explanation.

Louis' face was still wet from the tears.  His eyes were stinging from the smoke and there was a tension clustering his muscles together.  His heart hurt.  His brain was too crowded, and nothing made any sense.

"Why are you here?" he asked finally, not properly grasping that he had said his question aloud.  For all he knew, this could just be his imagination again.  

"We're to help you." Zayn decided to say, getting straight to the point, "Harry's worried about you, asked us to come down because he doesn't know what you need for him to help you"

Louis showed no emotion.  He didn't feel anything now.  Nothing shocked him, nothing suprised him.  His reality felt so far removed he could be watching himself on television for all he knew.

Help him?  Was that really Harry's intention? Or just an excuse to think of a way to break up with him?

"Don't be embarrassed or worried" Zayn was quick to catch on to Louis' radiating concerns, "It's because Harry loves you very much, and he wants to get things right first time. Don't think of me, Liam and Niall as people who are looking for problems to get him to dump you. If we didn't care about your happiness, we wouldn't be here"

"Niall isn't here" Louis muttered flatly, he was itching for another cigarette.  Zayn was toying with the pack in his hands.  It was distracting.

"He has further to come"

"Why are you telling me about Harry's intentions.  Isn't that supposed to be a secret?"

Everyone had secrets.  Secrets shouldn't be shared.  Secrets were kept hidden for a reason.  

 

"What? Keep it a secret that Harry loves you and is worried about you and wants to help you? Why should that be kept quiet? I have no idea what's going on with you, for all I know Harry could be worried about nothing, but just in case there is something, we've got your back" Zayn told the emotionless looking boy.

"You think I'm deranged."

"Do you think you're deranged?" Zayn asked, carefully dodging answering the question, "Why would you say that?"

Louis' lip curled up into a snear, "You were there.  You heard everything."

"I don't know anything though.  What did happen yesterday?"

Because Zayn was staring at Louis' face, he saw it crumple before his very eyes.

"I don't know!" he wept as his face screwed up into one of agony, "I thought...I was sure...but..." he trailed off, shaking his head erratically, eyes darting back and forth, but not seeming to be able to see any further than inside his own mind.

When he got dangerously close to hitting his own head on th balcony railings, Zayn decided to take action.

"Come on mate," he said calmly, easing one hand under each of Louis' armpits and lifting him up, "Let's talk this thorough eh? Let's help you make some sense of this."

"Why don't I know?" Louis gasped out, breathless from his own trauma, "I should know what happened!" he wriggled up to the headboard of the bed, watching Zayn with pleading eyes, who sat down next to him.

"Hey, calm down," Zayn whispered to him, thumbing at the boys cheeks to wipe away his tears, "We'll figure this out ok.  I'm not your enemy, you can talk to me."

Louis had pulled both of his knees up to this chest, leaning his chin in the middle of them, blue eyes focusing on Zayn, quiet and watchful as the younger boy arranged himself around him, his feet on either side of his hips, rubbing his calves.  It was actually comforting.

"So, your side of the story is that you and William had an argument?" Zayn attempted to clarify, rerunning what he had heard downstairs through his mind, "And he says you didn't?"

Louis nodded, fresh tears forming.

Zayn didn't ignore the tears, but he didn't draw attention to them.  He would give Louis all the comfort he needed, just as soon as he got some more information.

"And because he is countering what you say, you now doubt yourself?"

Louis whimpered and nodded.

"What makes you doubt yourself?"

At his question, Louis began to rock ever so slightly, and Zayn could completely understand why Harry had requested all of them to help him - it was hard enough to witness an acquaintance fall apart, let alone someone you were convinced the world revolved around.  It must be soul destroying.

"He was wearing the t-shirt."

"The one he is wearing tonight.  The one he threw at you when you argued?"

A small nod.

"And that is what has you doubting that it happened?"

Louis shook his head, "Michael...on the phone... said I was ill.  Michael doesn't lie.  He would never lie to me."

"And you don't think you were ill?  You think Will made that up, but because Michael said it too, you are doubting it?"

A sharp nod.

"And you trust Michael?  You know you can trust him?"

"With my life."

"Does Will know Michael?"

Louis couldn't think fast enough to wonder why Zayn had asked this.  He could barely work out his own thoughts, let alone try to dycipher anyone else's.  He nodded.  

Zayn frowned to himself.  If he had a pad of paper, he would write that down in big letters!  

"I can see why that would confuse you." he admitted, "Have you been confused like this before?"

"Sometimes I see things..." Louis whispered, "I...I get upset...I see people who aren't there...not really..."

"If you say that you see dead people I'm walking out!" Zayn joked, unable to hold back a smirk and feeling a little pleased with his attempt at humour as he saw Louis muster a little smile, and shake his head.

"Do you really see people?" Zayn asked, feeling more and more out of his depth, worrying about the lads mental health more than ever, "Can you tell me about them?"

"People who...hurt me..." Louis stuttered, rocking a smidgen more violently.  Zayn rubbed his palms a little more vigorously against the boys calves.  It seemed to soothe him, "Old friends, ex's..."

"Is it always the same people?"

A nod.

"Has it ever been William?"

Another nod.

"Another reason you are doubting yourself?"

"Yes."

"The argument you both had, was it a familiar subject?"

"I'm not fucking telling you!" Louis jumped back in fright, glaring at Zayn as though he was about to attack him, grabbing the headboard to steady himself.

Fuck.  Zayn had crossed a line.  Back peddle, back peddle!

"I don't want to know!" he rushed to reassure, holding out one hand gingerly, fearing that he had done more harm than good, "That's your business.  But this is a good reaction." he was bullshitting, he would say anything to get Louis to sit down again, they really had been making progress, "You remember every word of it right?  It feels real in your gut right?  Clearer than the other times?"

The frightened animal of a boy nodded, knees folding under him as he sat.  

"So, we've talked about the reasons why you are in doubt," Zayn continued, using his thumb to draw small soft circles on Louis' ankle bone, "Now we'll discuss what makes you certain."

For the next three hours, Zayn tirelessly prompted Louis with questions.  Comforting him when he got upset, listening to the babbled answers, soothing him when he crumbled.  Harry appeared at the door twice, but Zayn silently motioned for him to leave.  Louis was talking, he wasn't making much sense half the time, but he was sharing as much as he mentally could cope with, but Zayn was getting answers.  Between questions he tried to work out the seemingly impossible equation of how he could disprove Louis' doubts - because he was absolutely certain.  Louis was telling the truth.  William was lying.  

Why?  No clue.  There was something huge Louis was refusing to tell him, the reason the argument happened, and Zayn was positive that the whole thing could be settled instantly on that point - but Louis didn't want to share, and Zayn refused to let himself pry.

"Lou?" he asked gently, tracing his index finger down a pale cheek.  The boy was laying with his head in Zayn's lap, curled up as small as possible, staring at the ceiling, completely out of words to say, or strength to say them.  His eyes flickered at the sound of his voice, but didn't move.

"Do you think you can tell Harry what you've told me?  Or would you like me to talk to him?"

"No point.  He doesn't believe me.  No one believes me.  I don't believe me."

"I do."

Louis looked stunned, their eyes locked together, Louis' turning teary, Zayn's soft and alive with honesty.

"But.  I think you do need some help love - just like you said.  Are you ready to ask me?"

Zayn had questioned Louis about how he had felt about his argument with William.  Louis answered that he'd felt guilty and realised how William had been right about everything he had said.  That all along the distance between them had been his fault.

"I made so many bad choices," he had half confided, "I don't know how to get over them, and I need to, because if I don't have help to overcome them, it's only going to get worse.  I can't do that to Harry."

"Or yourself." Zayn had replied, "More than anything you need to do this for yourself.  And if you really want that.  We can help you.  We can find you the help you need, and support you.  But you have to really want it."

Louis bit his lower lip nervously.

"You really believe me?  But...what about what William and Michael said about me?"

"Don't worry about that," Zayn reassured him, "From what you have told me, it doesn't matter in the big scheme of things if the argument happened or not.  What is important is what you have taken from the situation, and how you have chosen to address it.  Have you thought any more about asking me something?  You can ask any of us.  Me, Harry, Liam, Niall...and William.  We will all give you the same answer.  You just have to ask us."

He scratched Louis' scalp as he spoke, knowing how much it comforted the lad.  Comforting Louis was all about trial and error - he had learnt more about the kid in the last three hours than he had ever expected to.

Finally Louis nodded.

"I want to ask Harry."

"Come on then," Zayn got up, holding out his hand, but Louis shook his head, "Want to stay here.  Don't want to see...Will...I can't..."

Zayn nodded, understanding, promising he would be back.

Harry bolted upstairs the second Zayn had opened his mouth and the thuds of his heavy footfall on the stairs echoed around the silent room.

Liam and William were talking in low voices.

"Can I talk to you?  Outside?" Zayn asked William coolly, "It's about Louis."

If William was nervous he was hiding it well.

"You need to leave." Zayn told him bluntly, digging out his lighter from his pocket, "Louis needs support right now, and I don't think you are going to provide it."

"What the fuck?" William gasped angrily, "I am fucking supportive!  All I have ever been is supportive."

"I'm not professionally educated, but I've seen enough television to see that Louis is showing signs of a mental illness." Zayn commented flatly, "He's in a very fragile state of mind, and that stunt you almost pulled off could have finished off his sanity completely."

His tone lowered a couple of octives into a gravelly growl.  "Have you any idea what you tried to put him through?  Have you any idea of the danger you could have put him in?" he finished his words with a growl, getting right close to William's face.  "Is this a fucking game to you?  Is this how you treat your own flesh and blood?  What on Earth has Louis done to deserve this treatment from his own twin!"

William held his gaze, but he winced and blinked.  The words were scratching into his conscious like a million razor blades and he could feel each and every one.

"I don't know what you're talking about," he managed to muster. 

"There's a fucking fire escape to the balcony of the master bedroom." Zayn whispered harshly, teeth bared.  They were almost nose to nose, flecks of saliva dotted William's cheeks. 

"You went back to get something from somewhere, and I would bet everything that it was your t-shirt from their bedroom, that you threw at Louis yesterday!"  

William didn't dare say a word. Zayn had figured it out.

If they weren't outside William would have sworn the walls would be closing in on him.  He wanted to run.  He wanted to hide - but his feet were shackled to the ground.  His eyes couldn't leave the accusing glare of the furious man in front of him.  The man who William had once counted as one of his actual friends.

Or rather, "Ed" had considered Zayn to be one of his friends.  William wasn't Ed.  Ed was enthusiastic.  Ed was charming and a happy breath of fresh air.

William wasn't friends with Zayn - and what's more, he didn't deserve his friendship.

After what he had done to his twin, he didn't deserve Louis or Harry either.

"What are you going to tell them?" he asked, strangled by his own emotion.

"If you promise to get the fuck out of here and let us give Louis the proper support he needs, I will keep your sorry ass safe for now." Zayn decided after a minute of painful silence and delibiration.  "Louis doesn't need to know just how diagusting a human you are.  Neither do the others.  Harry is going to need all his energy for putting his boyfriend back together.  You are an unnecessary complication."

Dark eyes bored into him.  The wounds he felt on the surface of his soul weren't going to heal rapidly.  The time frame only extended as Zayn spat a venomous - yet true - accusation at him.

"He feels guilty because of you!  You have somehow made him believe that he had done something horrifically wrong by you!"

A lone tear streaked past William's nose.

"The only saving grace you have," Zayn continued.  It was obvious that he was trying to control himself from striking William.  "Because of what you said to him, Louis has realised that he has issues he needs to address." he made a large gesture of pointing to the house.  "He is terrified, and he is being so fucking brave!  Right now he is asking Harry to help him by taking him to the doctors and asking for counciling!"

His tone softened.  "There is hope that all of this can be rectified.  But..."  Zayn's eyes narrowed dangerously.  "I think you are hiding something huge.  Something that has turned a perfectly sweet little boy into a terrified animal!  I'm fucking watching you William!  If you don't clear the fuck out, and stay away from him, I am going to take all Louis' pain and suffering and kick the shit out of you with it!  Do you hear me?"

William swallowed the humungous lump in his throat and allowed himself to look briefly up at the sky, praying with everything inside him that he could go back in time to where things were wonderful, and simple, and happy.

"Erm, guys?"

Liam was standing at the patio door, unsure if he was allowed to interrupt something that felt so intense.

Zayn gave William one last smouldering glance of disgust before looking past Liam to where Harry and Louis were standing awkwardly in the middle of the living room.  Louis almost hidden by the entirety of Harry's protective frame.

"Louis wants to tell us something," Liam explained as his band mate and their friend joined them.  He smiled encouragingly at the smaller boy in Harry's arms.

Before William knew what was happening, Louis detangled himself from his loving boyfriends arms, approaching him with caution, wide and desperate eyes and qui mouth.  When he spoke, it wasn't to the room at all.  It was soley to him.

"I'm getting help," Louis promised with the softest whisper.  He was so close, William could feel each and every stutter of his breath on his ear.  "I'm going to fix this.  I'm going to make it all better.  Don't give up on me!  Please Will?  I need to make it up to you.  I need to correct what I did to us."

William was crying, but he didn't even realise it.  Instead (ignoring the growl of distain from Zayn's direction) he smoothed Louis' fringe back from his face.  This was his chance to do the right thing before he left - for good.

"I'm so proud of you Boo," he whispered back.  "You don't need to make anything up to me.  You just need to do whatever it takes to get better, and be happy.  All I have ever wanted is for you to be happy!"

"Then..." Louis fidgeted, gazing back at Harry for support who nodded instantly.  "can you stay in town for longer than you planned?  Maybe a few weeks instead of days?  Or months?  I can't get better if you're not here.  I need your help too."

William opened his mouth to speak.  What should he say?  Louis was begging him to stay.  Zayn was adamant that he should leave - and the lad knew!  He knew what William had done!

"Will?" Louis asked nervously.  He backed up until he was in the comfort and safety of Harry's arms.

Harry was frowning at him.  Confused.  To him this was a no-brainer.

Liam - as always - was oblivious to everything and just happy that something was being sorted out in a positive fashion.

Then there was Zayn.  With malice in his eyes, jaw clenched.  Clearly he still felt strongly about his earlier plan for William.

"Will?" Louis whispered, losing confidence rapidly. "What are you going to do?"

"Yes William?" Zayn asked with his trade mark emotionless tone, which to William's senses sounded like a poisoned arrow being shot out of its bow.  "What are you doing to do?"

William fixed his eyes upon his twin.  He was so proud of him.  As much as he felt guilty for the part he had played, this was a huge thing for Louis.  How could he leave after he had begged him so hard to stay?  As Harry's expression had suggested to him, it was a no-brainer. 

"I'll stay as long as you need me."

With Harry's cheek pressed against his and his strong arms holding all of Louis together - he nodded in acceptance and sent a small smile to his twin, internally promising that he would fix everything that had made him and his brother fall apart.

 

Three days later he was sat in a doctors office.  

Harry was in the waiting room - hiding beneath a large fedora hat and dark glasses.

William was hanging out with Liam, Niall (who had arrived the day before), and Zayn - awaiting his return.

The doctor had a kindly face.  Open, sympathetic and welcoming.

"It's lovely to meet you Louis," he smiled as he sat in the chair opposite.  "what would you like to talk about?"


	48. Chapter 48

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm really hoping that this is what you have been waiting for. It's been a long time coming after all!

Harry sung happily to himself as he walked through the doors to the studio complex.  This was going to be such a great day!

The past couple of months had been difficult to put it lightly but huge mile stones had been accomplished which a while ago Harry honestly hadn't thought would have been possible to even hope for.

It had all started when Louis had agreed to get counselling.  He went once a week and no matter what was happening with the band Harry always made it his priority to accompany Louis to every single one of them. It didn't matter to Harry that Louis wasn't ready to divulge what was said during the hours meeting, what was important was that little by little the Louis that he loved and adored was slowly returning to him.  Seeing his confidence blossom before his eyes was such a beautiful sight and Harry felt a little proud to think that his love, affection and support played a big part in his recovery.

When he looked back at the Brit Awards for example Harry could honestly say that he had never been more moved with emotion as he had been that night.

He had taken Louis as his date.  Needless to say that Louis had been ecstatic at the prospect of seeing his man performing live at one of the biggest awards ceremonies of the year, but completely speechless when Harry asked if he would walk with the rest of the lad's down the red carpet.

Of course he had been rather shy, no matter how stunning he looked dressed in his brand new tailored suit and he had clung to Harry's hand as though his life depended upon it as the camera's flashed, and reporters shouted to find out who the boy was who Harry Styles gazed upon so fondly.

But it was when the band were speaking to Scott Mills live on Radio One that Harry realised exactly how far Louis had come.

They were talking about their single Little Things and of course Liam had mentioned how it was written by Ed Sheeran, the same writer who had given them Moments.  

"He's my brother!" Louis had blurted out in a rush, his face bright red, voice shaking.

"Your brother is Ed Sheeran?" Scott had asked without missing a beat and let Niall push the mic closer to Louis' mouth.

"Erm... yes... but he's... erm... he's called William Tomlinson.  He's my identical twin and so incredibly talented that he should really have his name out there in his own right."  Louis had stuttered, then hid his face in Harry's chest who hugged him so tightly.

"He really is very talented," Harry agreed.  "Not only is he an incredible writer but also a really good singer.  We have been trying for years to get him to release something under his own name.  Maybe now is the time."

They answered a few more questions and then made their way inside.

"What made you say that?" Zayn asked before Harry had a chance to.

"I just wanted to support Will," Louis answered with a shy smile.  "He's been so good to me by staying to support me.  I wanted to give something back to him."

If Harry's thoughts hadn't been so wrapped up in how proud he was of his boyfriend, for how much effort he was putting into getting back on track with his brother, maybe he would have noticed the smouldering fury deep in Zayn's eyes.

The Brit Awards were a complete success with One Direction winning not only all three awards they were nominated for, but also the Global Sucess award which had been a complete surprise.  But the highlight of the evening had been the cheek splitting smile on Louis' face when they accepted the award for Best Single and Harry made the point of thanking William Tomlinson for writing it and his hope that maybe next year he'd be collecting his own award in his own right.

The whole night had been a dream from start to finish and had also marked the night that Harry and Louis had made love for the first time in over a month.  Falling asleep with his happy, confident and sleepy baby in his arms had been the most perfect feeling in the world for Harry who finally believed that things were falling into place.

Another battle which thrilled Harry no end was that Louis had finally agreed to cut down his hours at the pharmacy so he could come on tour with him more often.  There was nothing more than Harry loved than to share his experiences with his boyfriend and also encouraged him no end to use his newly acquired time off to explore new hobbies that made him happy.

After exposing his twin at the Brits (which had both shocked and pleased Will in equal measures) Louis had made it his mission to proactively help William with his first proper single - which according to the blue eyed boy was incredible, although Harry was yet to hear it - Harry felt so lucky and content.  He was finally getting the best of both worlds - being Louis' boyfriend, and William's best friend, at the same time!

Today at the studio would be the first time that Harry and the rest of the band would hear the record.  He'd wanted Louis to come too, but he was holed up in their London home with a headache and just wanted to sleep.  Sometimes Louis had bad days where he just wanted to be alone which Harry respected.  

Harry knew knew he was the first one there when he stepped into the room they always met up in, and rolled his eyes.  Trust the rest of the boys for being late!  Or was he early?  He checked the time.  He was very early!  Damn his driver for picking him up ahead of schedule, he'd probably have to wait about an hour before the others showed up.

Flopping down on the settee provided, he pulled out his phone to text Louis - see if he was still in bed like he said he would be, already missing him like mad, and they had only been apart for about thirty minutes.  Harry secretly loved that though, just showed how much he adored his boy.

"Harry?"

Harry looked up to find his driver hovering in the doorway.

"You alright mate?" he asked casually.  

"Would you mind if I set up my phone to charge in here?" Mark asked, walking over to one of the plug sockets at one of the desks "I've gotta pop out for a bit and the battery's dead.  Don't want to leave it unattended"

Harry nodded straight away.

"Sure thing" he shrugged "I'll be here for ages"

"Thanks" Mark smiled in appreciation "Won't be long" he promised, plugging his phone in, fidling with it, and disappeared back out into the corridor.

Harry was just about to call Louis, when his own phone started to ring from a withheld number.  He eyed it curiously.  He was quite wary of withheld numbers - you never knew if it was someone trying to sell him insurance, or Nick Grimshaw trying to involve him in some on air stunt.

"Hello?" he asked, curiosity getting the better of him as he replied.

"Hello Harry" 

It was a voice he didn't recognise.  Very deep and slightly distorted.

"Hello?" Harry asked again "Who's this?"

"A friend"

"A nameless friend?" Harry asked, scratching his head, feeling a little bit irritated - this just stank of Grimmy!

"I've sent you a little something that you should see" the voice continued, Harry didn't like the way he was talking, a slight chill was misting down his spine.  This person did not sound at all friendly.

"What did you send me?  I'm not at home at the moment" 

"Should be right next to you" the voice seemed to smile "In an envelope on the table"

Harry's eyes travelled to the large conference room style table in the centre of the room.  It did indeed have a packet on it, and it was labeled for the attention of Harry Styles.

"Who are you?" He asked sharply and backed away from the table, convinced he could hear a ticking from somewhere "How did you know I was here?"

"All you need to know is in that envelope Harry.  I'll stay on the line, you will need as much support as possible after you see what's inside."

"I'm not opening that!" Harry snapped, slightly alarmed "Tell me what's in it!"

"Its some information regarding your boyfriend Louis Tomlinson.  Seems he's been keeping some secrets from you Harry.  Isn't it best you see them for yourself rather than reading about them in the papers tomorrow?"

Louis!

Keeping the phone pressed to his ear, Harry scampered to the table and ripped the packet open.  His mind racing.  Inside was a DVD and a smaller envelope.

"Put the DVD in the studio laptop and press play," the voice commanded.  There was a hint of humourless joy in it now. "You might want to sit down to watch.  It might hit you quite hard."

Harry said nothing.  His heart pulsating in his throat he sat down, brought the lap top in front of him and opened it up.  He clicked play and held his breath as he waited.

There was no sound.  

The first frame made him frown.  It was the close up shot of some paving stones,  which turned into a wall as the camera moved, a window ledge, and then finally into a room that he recognised all too well.

Louis' bedroom at his mums house.

The camera zoomed out as both twins - looking a lot younger than they did today, came storming into the room.  He could tell the two apart immediately.  Louis looked angry and was stropping about, waving his hands in the air, and William was trailing after him, trying and failing to grab hold of his shoulder.

Louis was talking animatedly, but there was no sound to hear what he was saying.

"What is this?" Harry whispered into the phone hesitantly.

"Just watch" the smooth voice replied "You'll see.  Soon everyone will see"

Harry's eyes never left the screen.  William had managed to get his brother into a hug.  He could see him stroking Louis' back, no doubt saying words to comfort him.  It was so sad that the twins were no longer close as they were in this video, although they were getting there.

Suddenly his eyes widened in disbelief.  Surely he didn't see that right?  From the angle of the camera, it looked like William had just kissed Louis' neck!

Harry went to press rewind, but he didn't have to, William had drawn away from his twin, was cupping his face in his hands and.....

Harry involuntaryly gasped out loud.  There right in front of his eyes, caught on camera, Louis and William were kissing!  Actual, full on, tongue tangling kisses - just like the ones that Harry had shared with Louis just over an hour ago!  He didn't understand, he didn't get it, he felt sick to the stomach and didn't want to watch, but yet he was unable to look away.  

There was still no sound, but Harry could hear every single sound that Louis was making - seeing it in the expressions on his face, how he was running his hands through William's hair, caressing his neck with his fingers, pulling him impossibly closer to him.

Harry's mind exploded with questions.  Why was this happening?  How long had this been going on?  Was this still happening now?  But Louis couldn't be...

"Are you still there Harry?"

The disembodied voice sounded in his ear, bringing him sharply back into focus.

"What the fuck is this?" he stuttered, still unable to tear his eyes from the screen, watching with rapt, aghast attention at how gently William was kissing his Louis, who was laying beneath him on one of their beds. "Who the fuck are you?"

"Keep watching" was all the voice said.  If Harry hadn't have been more occupied with other things, he would have heard the smugness in his tone.

The picture of Louis and William disapeared, being replaced with a black, blank screen.  Words flashed in front of his eyes.  A date.  A time.  A place.  It didn't take long to work out.

It was the night of Louis and William's leavers party - aka.  The night that Louis and William fell apart.  The night Louis had been raped.  Was this what Harry was about to see?  

The view from the camera seemed to be set up high on a wall overlooking a bed.  There was no tremor to it this time, showing that no one was carrying it this time.

Once again, Louis and William came into view.  Louis was crying.  So hard, it almost made Harry's heart break - more so if he wasn't already feeling numb to the core.

It was hurting him to breathe.  His chest was so tight, almost exploding under the labour.  He watched William spring to his feet, furious and angry.  He watched Louis run after him.  Then nothing.  They were both out of shot.  For seconds.  Then Louis was dragging William backwards, making them both fall on the bed together.  Louis looked like he was begging, pleading with his twin.

"No!" Harry half shouted at the screen, as though the twins of years ago would hear his shout, look up at the camera and stop what they were doing.  But instead, all Harry was able to do, was watch helplessly, watch the memory unfold in front of his eyes, watch as his boyfriend started to undress himself, and then start on his brother, laying back against the pillows, legs spread open for William to...and then he was doing it.  The last thing Harry had ever expected to ever see, the last thing he would have ever thought of.  Louis and William - so close, so much more than just brothers.

The phone dropped onto the table as his hands went limp, the betrayal and disgust raging inside him, followed swiftly by years of his own trauma and anxiety...and jealousy...because Harry had noticed...he had seen it with his own eyes...Louis always had a problem with getting hard for him...but there was no sign of him having the same issue when he was with William!

Through the fog that was swirling around his brain, Harry tuned into hearing his name being faintly shouted.

Automatically he picked up the phone, slamming the laptop shut just as a third person entered the shot, grabbing William by the hair and wrenching him away.  

Harry couldnt see anymore.  He'd seen enough.

"Harry?"

The unknown voice was harsh and jagged.

"Yeah?"

Harry's own voice was pained and faint.

"Did you see?"

"Yes" Harry choked out, the laptop shut, but it was still all he could see.

"Good.  Now we can get down to business"

"Business?"  Harry couldn't grasp onto the simplest thought.  Everything he had ever believed had just been shattered before his very eyes.

"Yes Harry.  Unless you and I come to some sort of deal, I am going to take my video and pictures to the tabloids...."

"No!" Harry gasped out, horrified "You can't do that!  The press!  They'll eat them alive!"

"I wasn't finished..." How could this person sound so god damn at ease about this? "All you have to do, is one little thing Harry Styles, and I will not say a word to anyone.  You just have to do one little thing for me" he laughed, "Trust me, after seeing that, you'll thank me for requesting it I assure you"

"How much do you want?" Harry asked weakly.  This guy could have whatever he wanted.  People couldn't know about this!

"Not money" there was a bark of unnatural laughing "I want you to break up with the incestuous little shit!"

Harry couldn't say a word.  Break up with Louis?  What good would that do?  That would kill Harry!  Louis was the love of his life!  Even if he had done this...it was...should he?  Could he ever see past what he'd just witnessed?  He didn't even know what he was feeling!  

"Unless you break up with him Harry, the whole world is going to see that video.  It's all thanks to you really, no one would care about it if The Harry Style's from One Direction wasn't his boyfriend!  But thanks to you, this would lead to a whole new level of humiliation!  You were happy to show him off at the Brit Awards weren't you?  You could show off how good he is in bed too...how desperate for a fuck your boy is...that he would even take it from his own brother!"

Each poisonous, spat word, smacked Harry hard in the gut.  Anger and fright coursed through him.

"Who the fuck are you?!" He yelled out, jumping to his feet and kicking the chair over in rage.

"Didn't I introduce myself?" Asked the smooth voice "I do believe I am your worst nightmare!  You have twenty four hours to break it off" it continued smugly, "After that...well...I'm sure you will read all about it soon"

"Don't!" Harry yelled, gripping the phone tightly in a death grip.  "Please!  Don't do this to him!"

"Twenty four hours." the voice finished the call with "Got that?  Twenty four hours."

 

 

Niall had always liked studio days.  They were sometimes the least chaotic parts of their hectic life, and was always a good time to reflect, be creative and hang out with his best friends - doing something he loved, with people who loved it as much as he did.

He always made sure he arrived a little early than the others, gave him a little time to wander around, have a chat with some of the staff, and check out what food was available in the canteen.  There was nothing better than freshly cooked food and a full stomach before writing.

Feeling quite satisfied after eating a large plateful of cooked breakfast, and carrying a take away cup of freshly brewed coffee, Niall wandered the hallways, making the rounds of finding out who was on duty that day.

He was passing one of the offices when he heard something strange - a oddly toned voice of someone he didn't recognise - and Niall had made it his business to know everyone who worked there.

He was about to push open one of the doors and investigate, when he heard part of the conversation that would probably save him a lot of trouble, if he kept listening rather than bust in on them.

"Didn't I introduce myself?" the voice asked.

"Nope, you didn't" Niall thought, smirking to himself and listening keenly.

"I do believe I'm your worst nightmare!"

Niall froze, not only did this voice not sound friendly in the slightest, he actually felt a little afraid of it,

"You have twenty four hours to break it off" it continued smugly, "After that...well...I'm sure you will read all about it soon"

Niall's eyes widened, coffee cup paused halfway to his mouth.  That did not sound good at all!

"Twenty four hours" the voice stated once more, and then again "Twenty four hours"

There were footsteps, getting closer to the  door he was boldly standing in front of.  There would be no time to run, there was nowhere to hide...this was not something that Niall should have been listening to!

The door was wrenched open in front of him, a tall man hurrying out, almost crashing into him.

Niall was rooted to the spot.  Wishing that he could close his eyes and be invisible!

"Niall?"

Well, that wasn't the voice he had just heard.  This one wasn't deep or scary...it was rather high pitched...and slightly nasal.

"Er...hi...Mark is it?" Niall asked, vaguely recognising him as Harry's new personal driver, and trying to peep past the man into the room.  Was it this office that the voice had come from?  There didn't seem to be anyone else in there.

"Yeah" Mark nodded grinning "What are you doing here?" He asked "Did Harry tell you to come and catch me slacking when I should be running errends?"

"Slacking?" Niall looked confused.  He was confused.

Mark grinned sheepishly, "Don't tell anyone, but.." He patted his pocket "I've got really into 24 lately, was just catching up before the new episode is on tonight!"

Niall laughed hard in relief.  So he'd heard a conversation on a dvd or something.  That made more sense!

"Secrets safe with me mate"

"Good man!  Gonna get back to work now" Mark explained, "See you around" and with a final wave, he hurried off down the corridor, disapearing through the door at the end, leaving Niall to get back to his rounds - after checking of course, that the office Mark had been occupying was indeed empty.

 

Liam was the first to find Harry.  He sat tensly on the settee, very pale, eyes glassy, staring into space, gripping a crumpled envelope in his hands.

"You alright mate?" Liam asked, dropping his bag quickly and rushing over to his friend, knowing full well he was not alright at all.

Harry said nothing, almost not realising he had company until Liam was almost sat in his lap, his big puppy dog eyes almost liquid with compassion.  There was safety in those eyes, warm, comforting sincerity.  But Harry couldn't handle that right now.  He was feeling far from safe, and he had no idea what he was to do!

"Harry?"

Liam's hand covered his forehead, no doubt looking for a temperature.

"Are you ill mate?  Maybe you should go home for today?  Have a duvet day with Louis?"

Louis...Louis!

The stream of tears that started rolling down his cheeks was uncontrollable.  What he'd seen, the phone call, all came screaming into focus.  The threat that had been made was cruel and unjustified.  What could he do?  He couldn't leave Louis because of this?  Because someone demanded he did.  But he couldn't not leave him and risk this getting out.  He didn't even know how he felt about what it was about.  Louis and William.  Together? Like he and Louis were together?  It was all too much.  It was sick!  It was twisted!  He just couldn't relate that to his Louis!

"Harry?"

Liam's head was wobbling erratically from side to side.

"Harry, you need to tell me what's wrong mate, I can't...."

"Harry?!"

Another voice fell on Harry's deaf ears.  Liam's head hadn't been moving at all, it was Harry who was shaking uncontrollably.

Niall rushed to their side, looking as concerned as Liam was.

"What's happened?" he demanded turning to Liam whilst patting Harry's trembling knee.

"I'm trying to find out" Liam answered quickly, I just found him like this.  He just keeps crying!"

"Sup guys!" 

William bounded into the room, followed closely by Zayn who had driven in with him.  He was grinning cheerfully, until he caught sight of Harry.

"What's wrong?" He almost shouted, rushing to Harry's side and pushing Niall out of the way "What's happened?  Is it Louis?  Is he ok?  What's wrong?" He shook Harry's shoulders "Answer me!"

For the first time since Liam had said Louis' name, Harry reacted.  The shaking stopped, the tears dried, he clenched his fingers tighter around the envelope in his hands and looked up.

"My boyfriend is fine" he said coolly, fixating his gaze on William's desperate expression "What are you doing here?"

William shared a glance with Zayn, then Liam and Niall.

"I'm playing you my single today" he reminded Harry slowly, "The one you guys are going to feature on?  The one Louis' been talking your ears off for the past... mate?" 

William's eyes darted between the faces of the other lad's and then nervously licked his lips as they landed once more on Harry's.  In all his years of being friends with Harry he had never seen this expression on his face.  Lips twisted into a silent snarl, nostrils flared, glassy and furious slits for eyes.  Harry looked murderous and it was clear that William was the target.

Not a word was spoken as Harry snatched the CD out of William's hands and stalked over to the sound system.

"What the fuck is wrong with..." William began in a whisper to the others who looked as worried and clueless as he did, but before he could finish Harry barked at him from across the room to shut up which had William start to sweat.  Something was going on and not knowing was... well... it made him sick to the stomach.

 

As the first bars of the song thudded into the room William's eyes never left Harry's face which had gone strangely blank until the song reached the first chorus.

'Waking up beside you I'm a loaded gun,

I just can't take it anymore,

I'm all yours I've got no control, no control,

Powerless and I don't care it's obvious,

I just can't get enough of you....'

 

It all seemed to happen in slow motion.  William watched Harry's face contort into one of undiluted rage as he hurled himself across the room and grabbed him by the collar, using all the strength in the muscles he barely used to throw the smaller boy to the floor.  William could hear the exclaims of the other lads.  He felt the impact of Harry's fist collide with his face, taste the blood that trickled into his mouth.  

"How fucking dare you!" Harry bellowed somewhere above him as another punch cracked him on his jaw.  "You disgusting, vile little shit!  I fucking trusted you and then you go and write that!  I fucking fought for you!  I stood up for you!"

He was woozy and well aware of the other lads trying their best and finally succeeding in pulling his crazed friend off of him and slamming him into the opposing wall.  William knew his face was a mess, he could tell by the panicked expression upon Niall's face when he ran to help him sit up and watch dazed and confused as Liam and Zayn struggled to stop a furious Harry from attaching him again.

"Harry?  What has he done?  What did he do?" Liam pleaded with Harry sounding close to tears.

"Tell them Will!" Harry shouted with venom.  "You didn't tell me!  I had to fucking find out from a fucking video!"

 

No!  No!  No!

Harry couldn't know!  He couldn't!  His blood ran cold, his heart pounded too fast, his mind began to slow.  He knew...

William's whole body ached, but he didn't know what real pain was until he heard Harry's cold anguished sobs splinter through his ears and his heart.

"He fucked Louis!  He fucked his brother!"  A strangled sob spluttered through Harry's traumatised lips.

"He had sex with my boyfriend..."

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not going to lie. 
> 
> I am so nervous about the reaction to this. 
> 
> So, so, so nervous.
> 
> *Crosses fingers and toes*


End file.
